The Dad Bods and Dumbbells Podcast
The hosts Mitch and Bart discuss fitness, fatherhood, and guy stuff to help men live a great life, have fun, laugh, and get a little more fit in this weekly Podcast.
The Dad Bods and Dumbbells Podcast
Fatherhood, Trauma, and our thoughts on Hasan Minhaj's Podcast interview with Dr. Gabor Maté
Mitch and Bart explore the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships and parenting, examining how creating safe spaces for our children to process difficult experiences can break generational cycles of emotional disconnection.
• Announcement of new supporter program through Supercast for $9/month with special perks and on air shout outs. Special Shoutout to Ross Van Burkleo!
• College football pre-season rankings discussion with debate on top contenders
• Exploration of Hasan Minhaj's podcast interview with trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Maté.
Episode Link --> https://youtu.be/cW3Md09-jfc?si=bAUgUhpOZfdoSu3r
• Personal reflections on childhood experiences with bullying and lack of emotional safe spaces
• Detailed account of EMDR therapy for processing trauma and healing the inner child
• Discussion of gender differences in parenting approaches—fathers as problem-solvers vs. emotional supporters
• The importance of being fully present with children by putting phones down and creating space for conversation
Please support the show by becoming a premium member through our Supercast link in the show notes for just $9/month. You'll receive exclusive content, producer credits, and help us continue bringing you quality conversations about health, fitness, and fatherhood.
Become a Premium Member of Dadbods and Dumbbells by visiting:
https://dadbodsanddumbbells.supercast.com
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https://solutionsrxaustin.com/solutionsrxaustin-dadbods-and-dumbells
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Welcome to Dadbots and Dumbbells. My name is Mitch.
Speaker 2:Hey, I'm Bart.
Speaker 1:Thanks so much for listening, liking, subscribing and sharing. You're the best, you're the greatest. We are entering a new chapter in our life at Dadbots and Dumbbells and we have a supporter link. What is it called?
Speaker 2:Bart Supercast. It's kind of like a Patreon page. Yeah, it's a Patreon for our podcast.
Speaker 1:So one of the things that we've realized is we have a lot of loyal listeners and if you want to get a producer credit, want to get a shout out on our podcast every week, why don't you go in? Then it could be a couple of bucks. Uh, it's going to be nine bucks a month, and just dang bucks. Yeah, so here's the deal. That's so cheap, dude. I know it is, but here's the deal. I'll be the first.
Speaker 2:It just helps us pay for all the little things to keep this role rolling along. So we can kind of like you and uh, yeah, so just if you're, if you're loving the podcast, you know it's just nine bucks a month. The link is in the show notes. You'll find it right at the top there. I said it'll be like a supercast link, so just go to that, click on it and get yourself, uh, to be a supporter what do you?
Speaker 2:and we got some fun stuff for our uh, for our premium listeners. Uh, by the way, a shout out uh. Ross van berclio is currently a supporter that's good. Because he was a supporter of my old podcast and I told him hey, we're changing podcasts. You know what Ross said? He's like I'm in.
Speaker 1:Just bring it over. Let's go Ross. I like this guy. Bring my support over to you. I love this guy.
Speaker 2:We're going to keep it rolling, and that's how I love you, buddy.
Speaker 1:That's part of the team, part of the group, a Dabbox crew. We're working on merch, we're working on all the good things that come along with that, so we're going to be sellouts. It's awesome. I love it, can't wait, let's go. I'd like to start by also thinking ah, damn it. Let's also start by thanking our sponsor, solutions Pharmacy. Bart noticed when we worked out today, when I took my hat off, he said man, look at those luscious locks you have there.
Speaker 2:You got some thick hair up top.
Speaker 1:Thank, you so much Solutions Pharmacy for my hair growth creams. It did heads up if you don't wash it off before bed. It made my headboard turn a little bit discolored because we have a white, but I got it out with a little carpet cleaner, but it was like a weird yellow tinge. It looked like it was sweat, but it was actually not, so make sure you either cover your head Like soul glow from coming to America.
Speaker 1:So make sure you wash your hair before bed or cover it with a, you know, hairnet, hairnet, something, or just, yeah, I cleaned it, it was pretty easy, it came out right away. Anyway, solutions Pharmacy, you're the best.
Speaker 2:They're discreet, they're awesome, they get you anything you need and they deliver. They deliver to your door, they're so easy to do.
Speaker 1:I actually got my prescription online. I went through the chat and they hooked me up and I was driving past and I went right there. They took care of me. That's awesome, super easy. Thank you, solutions Pharmacy. We love you. On today's episode, we want to talk a little bit about our favorite my favorite talk at Bart's second favorite topic college football. Hell yeah, they just came out with their pre-game rankings, pre-season rankings, and I'm not happy, Bart.
Speaker 2:Was that because Oregon not in the top 10? They're in seventh.
Speaker 1:Okay, they should be at least the top three. Penn State's number three, of courseas, is number one. Ohio state's number two, which doesn't make much sense to me I don't think it goes high. We got a first year starter basically with a lot of hype behind them.
Speaker 2:Yeah they got a ton of their ohio state's number two.
Speaker 1:This is the espn rankings. Uh, oregon is uh oregon's number 7.
Speaker 2:We got ranked. Read out top 10 Okay.
Speaker 1:Top 10 Number 1 is Texas, number 2 is Ohio State, number 3 is Penn State, number 4 is Georgia, 5 is Notre Dame Stupid. 6 is Clemson Doesn't make any sense Oregon's 7th, alabama 8th, lsu 9th and Miami 10th.
Speaker 2:Okay, so what's gonna happen is All those top four will play each other like twice. So Ohio State plays UT on the first game of the season in Ohio State. So that's a really great way to kick off the season is you're going to have these two top teams in the early season rankings play each other and that's going to be a big deal. It's going to be awesome this season.
Speaker 1:I am so pumped up for now. Last year, of course, I had bet decently on the ducks to win the whole thing. Uh, and I saw dan, coach dan landing in eugene before the season and I was like it's going to be a great day, it's going to be a great year, coach I was correct and guarantee he said yes, it is.
Speaker 2:He said yes it is.
Speaker 1:You know, we had a whole, you know that was a whole thing. And he winked at you, but then he did not put it all on black um they uh, but iu the hoosiers are 19th, so they're still in the top 25. They're gonna have a great year, great season texas a& A&M. Ooh, good question. They must be. Oh, they are actually on the list. 21st, Okay. And then Texas Tech is 24th man. We have a lot of Texas teams on this list. Smu is 16th Okay, what about?
Speaker 2:TCU.
Speaker 1:TCU is not on the list.
Speaker 2:TCU. Tcu is not on the list Because right after Thanksgiving they're bringing back the Texas A&M game.
Speaker 1:Oh, they are On Friday.
Speaker 2:That's cool. It's going to be in Austin, dude, and you got tickets. You got season tickets.
Speaker 1:Dude, you could sell those for so much. Which ones are you going to sell those? Yeah, because it's stupid.
Speaker 2:I mean they're going to get crushed, a&m's going to get crushed because they don't have a team, who knows, who knows but I want A&M to be as good as they can be before those tickets go up. So those tickets go up.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I mean you'd be better off selling them early, because you never know what the season's going to hold, because if they start losing or if somebody's not as good, I mean they're going to be worth a lot anyway, but you can probably pay for your whole season just with those tickets I'm no, no comment, but you're on to something you always put your?
Speaker 1:you have your cards close to your vest here. Um, I was gonna buy a few games last year. Uh, my, my brother lives in indiana. His wife is purdue grad. He's an iu grad. They went to iu medical school, though at this uh as well, but uh, purdue and oregon played at purdue okay, and I would planned on flying into uh indiana and going to that game. Didn't work out, but I was planning on maybe buying a few mini game seasons. I get emails all the time, but it's just too far to do and you want to see an Oregon game at Autzen.
Speaker 1:You know it's the best place to see a football game.
Speaker 2:So all that to say, I think it's, I'm looking forward to this. I'm excited about the season. I think it took me several games last year to kind of get into it, the idea of like start getting into it.
Speaker 2:Didn getting into it, didn't you? And so, and now you're a season ticket holder. Season ticket holder ut. That's crazy grimsley for hooking it up. Taylor grimsley, he's a ut grad friend of mine, worked out with me for a long time actually. I started training him and his family when he was 13 years old and uh, yeah, he just he's uh out in grad school right now. He's an awesome dude and helped me get hooked you up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's cool, hooked us up so well. This is the year to do it. I mean, if they're going to make a run, this is the run. Arch is going to be there. It's going to be easy to sell those freaking tickets if you need to, but I would go to as many as possible. I mean football season, college football in.
Speaker 2:Texas is just so much fun my son, my wife and I. Games of the season.
Speaker 1:You have to have a different shirt for every game now. So you've got to get a lot of you. I've got one. You're just going to wear one. I don't know, we'll see. Don't wear another man's jersey.
Speaker 2:We want to go down there early and start just kind of getting into the flow of like pre-game concert going on. There's a bunch of tailgating types of things. That'd be fun for you A lot of activation stations for kids to play games.
Speaker 1:Yeah, throw a football.
Speaker 2:That's super cool. We're going to do all that stuff. Where are you going to park? No, idea. That's what I think about right away, taylor, and his buddy Nick, have a secret parking spot that they want to tell me about.
Speaker 1:Oh, we can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. Tell me later.
Speaker 2:If I told you, then everyone would know.
Speaker 1:Here's what we'll do you pay $9 a month, we will give you the secret parking spot. There you go.
Speaker 2:There you go. That's genius yeah.
Speaker 1:We'll give it out All right. So, uh, you were telling before the podcast, you were telling me about a podcast, another podcast that you were listening to and it got me really kind of got us conversation going. I wanted to talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. Uh, a little backstory. I grew up in Davis, california, went to a high school Davis High School and maybe seven, eight years ago, probably less than that, I found out about this young comedian named Hasan Minhaj who went to Davis High School. He was an immigrant kid, grew up in Davis, basically Went to Davis High, played basketball Coach Gonzalez was his head coach hey, you played basketball.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so anyway, there's, I was just oh, it's so cool that any any in some of his early uh stand-up specials he talks about growing up in davis and some of the things he went through all kinds of. So I just followed him. My, my wife and I went and saw him at the Long Center last year.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2:Unbelievable show.
Speaker 1:He was at the Long Center. He was at the Long Center. I didn't realize how popular he was.
Speaker 2:And it was such a long wait because there was just so many people trying to get in.
Speaker 2:And he's such a great, he's just a smart guy, he's a really quick wit, just really great writer, anyway. But he interviewed a trauma specialist, dr Gabor. I want to say, mate, I don't want to mess it up and I would put this in the show notes because I'm going to highly recommend it to anyone who is a parent, has or has anybody in your family with ADHD. Dr Gabor, mate, yeah, and or anyone who's experienced trauma, whether that's like trauma from just like childhood, or maybe you've gone through just it's all about that type of stuff and some of it's kind of like a therapy lesson for Hassan, but a lot of it is really like talking about just what happens and how do we get through stuff. And it's funny, it's enlightening, it's incredibly like current events driven, because he actually talks about like political trauma and like what's going on in the world. And Dr Gabor Mate was a Jewish baby in World War II. His mom gave him up to a family, a Christian family, that could like basically raise him while she escaped, you know the.
Speaker 2:Nazi terror and he, he, he has all that trauma. But he's also been a lot involved with like the science, psychological studies of like kids in Gaza and so there's talk about the West bank in Gaza and it's just so fascinating, so poignant, and it's such a such a revealing um episode, just about like how trauma, like care, we carry it along yeah impacts the way we react as parents and how we pass it on to our own kids.
Speaker 2:Um, and just like, blew my mind, I'm, I'm, I literally want to listen to it like five more times yeah, and then he's got like 10 books out, so yeah, if you like the interview, like go find this guy, dr gabor you had mentioned something specifically about parents and our trauma that we experienced in childhood and how to process that.
Speaker 1:What was that you were talking about before we started?
Speaker 2:well, it's, it's the idea that you know, a lot of a lot of people have stories being bullied yeah and most of the time I think especially back then we didn't know a lot about, like you know what what that did to people is. We didn't have you know, we didn't go and talk to our parents about it, like there wasn't an open yeah, and the reality is that was that we didn't feel safe. You, and it's not our parents' fault. They didn't know they were doing this, but there was not a safe enough space for kids to talk about that, and so we held it in.
Speaker 2:And that we hold something in, it becomes trauma. It becomes something that you suppress and you create kind of trauma around and that then impacts you later on in your life, a with relationships and how you trust people in your adult life and other ways, and so anyway, it's just a. Hassan does a great job of really being a sounding board and talking about his own life and growing up in Davis and being bullied as a little kid and how he used to bite as a way to like you know, to like almost defend as a as a high schooler, dr Gabor said like hey, sorry, I didn't mean to laugh.
Speaker 2:No, it's okay, it's like uh. He said did you tell your parents about you?
Speaker 1:And he's like nobody it's like, yeah, that's exactly right and it's not the parents fault, yeah, but it's.
Speaker 2:But that's our job as parents should be to create an environment where the kid is loved unconditionally, not for what they do and what soccer tournament they win or what piano concert they do great at, or whatever.
Speaker 2:They're loved unconditionally and they know that they can share something that scares them, something that hurts them, something that they're afraid of, especially as dads, because I think you have a son, I have a son, um, but I'm sure it's similar with with daughters too. It's like they, they put you on a pedestal, yeah, revere you in this, and they often you know I'm not talking about my son, I'm just talking in general yeah like they, just they.
Speaker 2:They embody the like I like. I must be wrong. I must be. Yeah, something must be wrong with me that I don't have that, that I can't tell that to my dad, or or that I don't do.
Speaker 1:You know I struggle with this one because I think you know I I've gone through a series of things where, you know, one point in my life was like, oh man, my childhood was tough. And then, as I start to really think about it, it's like eyewitness testimony is the worst testimony, because we get all the issues wrong. It's like what formula? What did I formulate in my mind that I thought, as as my parent kids get older, I realized, oh, I didn't have a tough childhood, I just was dealing with kids stuff. You know I was dealing with those types of things.
Speaker 1:I feel like, personally, that a lot of we've kind of overused the bullying thing, like everybody's a bully, everybody bullied you. If you got this, you got bullied. It's almost like a cupcake generation a little bit, and I feel like there's a cupcake generation probably. You know they call it the Gen Zers, a lot like that. I don't know if I agree with that completely, but I feel like we might overuse bullying. And then we, I think what has happened is we talk a lot about trauma and there's real, real trauma out there, right, I mean, you talk about Gaza, you talk about different things that happened, you talk about world war two and the Nazis, and that's trauma. But sometimes I think we overuse that word so everything becomes trauma. So I didn't listen to it. But also I'm a little. I'm a little worried that it's lost a little bit of its oomph the bullying, because when we were kids did you ever get bullied?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean me too. Well, the reality it's not about like you know. I mean I honestly think that it's not that bullying is helpful, but it's like we have to run into situations that teach us to find a better way to find a different way Like you know socialization is not a smooth path, Right, and you know the bullying can go way too far and just like crippling and make somebody like want to commit suicide because they just you know, with social media they can't, they can't ever get away from it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When we were growing up, you just left school. Yeah, no one bullied you until the next day you got back to school and you're like, oh, every time I pass by that locker, that asshole yeah, you know has to say something yeah, and then you've had to deal with anxiety and concern, but that's but so I don't want to get into the bullying thing.
Speaker 2:What I want to get into is we, as parents you know are, are we should have a goal to not coddle our kids not not protect our kids from ever like experiencing anything bad. Yeah, like not. But it's like being a sounding board so that they can come to us and say, hey, you know I'm struggling, yeah, I never had that. So that they can come to us and say, hey, I'm struggling, I never had that. I wasn't able to go and say those types of things.
Speaker 2:I found a really good friend who was older and bigger than me and could kind of protect me that I would share that stuff with. Shout out to Tony Jolly.
Speaker 2:And he became my big brother Are yeah absolutely um, but uh, but it's, it's a um, it's just the idea that, like you know, when we, when you share something with somebody, like your parents, yeah, you have a shared experience, versus just like living in it because we don't have as kids, you don't have the ability to like, really understand and like and and create the like mental pathways to like, see it what it is Like we. Just it just becomes trauma.
Speaker 2:Now there's world war two, trauma, and then there's like like some kid at school told me I was fat, trauma Like I got that a lot.
Speaker 1:I did too.
Speaker 2:Right, I did too but school told me I was fat trauma, like I got that a lot. I did too. School, right, I did too, yeah, but and and the we're not saying those are the same things but but our, we, our brain creates kind of protect protections around that yeah, and if we don't? Have somebody to a sounding board. I you know best place for that would be your parents. Yeah, to like figure that out and like learn to like. That isn't about you that's that person has that issue.
Speaker 2:You know they're feeling insecure. They're saying it to you to hope that your reaction makes them feel a little bit better about themselves. But, like you know, nobody did that for, and so we developed a thick, thick skin, whatever, but that's still like. That also gets in our way at times when we're, when we disconnect from relationships and we we misread what our spouse or what our friend does, or whatever as like rejection or you know distance, instead of it just being like, oh, they're just you know.
Speaker 2:I mean it's all kind of it's all you know. And look, this is a 55 minute podcast, it's not I didn't read his book and all that, but I think it's going into this idea that, like really hits home with me, is just really wanting to be uh, especially before my son really becomes like a teenager, and uh is to really be like a safe place for him to come and and I feel like my, like my wife really has that. Yeah, and I don't know if I do as much, and I want to create that with my son.
Speaker 1:There could be a level of that where this is. I mean, I have a boy and a girl right, my son is more, because I think, as men, we're solvers, we want to solute, we want to protect, solvers, we want to. We want to solute, we want to protect and we want to solve right. So my first reaction is always let's solve this problem, let's find a solution, rather than listening.
Speaker 1:My wife is a very good listener and she's actually really good at allowing the kids to feel their feelings, even if it's about us, that they can talk to us pretty openly about what happened or what we said to them or what we made them feel by asking them to do those things. But she's way better at it. I'm impatient, you know. I got to work on it, of course, but I feel like just naturally that the kids go to her to tell them the feelings, because they know that they'll be comforted, though it's that unconditional, open love. I honestly don't know, if I can, how I could do that better. I know I love them and I know I don't hold them by any. Hey, you, if you worked your heart, if you put in the effort, if your attitude was good.
Speaker 2:That's all we asked attitude and effort did your, did your father allow that space for you to come to him and share?
Speaker 1:Yeah, my dad was. I could go to my dad with anything. I remember so many times where I just come and you know he was a pastor and he was, so he was like that spiritual advisor but also like he was still my dad, and so you know, I had to ask him a lot of questions. I talked to him about a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2:Did he fix or did he listen?
Speaker 1:I mean, I think, as a man to another man, I think I wanted a solution. You know, as a boy to a man, it's like dad, what do I do? I didn't need a counselor at that point. I think my mom was always around and always good at the I don't know. I never felt like I lacked it, like I didn't feel like I had to push things down.
Speaker 1:I think there were things that happened where I didn't want to bother them with. You know, I think that was the. It's like I knew they have their own stressors. That's so weird being like a kid and having that feeling where you're like well, I'm a freshman in high school, at a new school, and I have no friends and I'm all alone and I'm getting bullied or I'm getting whatever, and I didn't want to burden them with it.
Speaker 1:So it's just something I had to deal with, you know, like, but it wasn't like I didn't feel like I could tell them anything. I mean I felt like I think my dad, I told my dad probably too much information about my life and my stuff that was going on in my high school and stuff but, um, I mean I, I feel for anybody like that that doesn't have that, I mean I for me. So there was a couple of things that happened a couple of years ago and I had to do some pretty intense counseling, um, like trauma counseling so when I talk about trauma, it's like I I come from a place of like understanding it to my point, like a perspective.
Speaker 1:Um, and they do this thing called edmr therapy. Have you ever heard of it? I mean, I don't know what the, so it's super weird, but it actually was very effective for me Is there electrodes?
Speaker 1:in it. No, it sounds super gay, but basically it's like a reset. It's understanding, identifying the trauma and then going through the process of a reset. So you zero in on what that trauma is. You picture it. So she's like what are you feeling? From a 1 to 10 right now, there's books on this too. It's. It's actually, it's very it worked. I did not think it would, but it was like I was desperate. Right, um, there's only so much whiskey you can drink. Right, there's just at that level. It's like I had to like deal with it. So she'll, you picture that and you go okay, what's your level of? I forget what she said, but it's like a scale one to ten, the specific words she said. But like, what's your elevated level of? Like excitement, or it wasn't excitement, but it was like scary and so it's like yeah absolutely right now I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 1:I see in my head it's, it's a nine, you know? Uh, okay, so what would your zero be? Or what would your one be, your, your station, what would your grounding point? And I could only think of one thing. It was the first time I held my daughter, like that moment was just so ingrained in my mind and so that was my point. So she would like put you to the point of, like you're thinking about it, you're talking about, you're dealing with it, why you feel this way about this picture. And then you get heightened, heightened, heightened. You get upset, you get worked up, and then it's like, okay, now let's go to your grounding point. And there's like points of reset All right, you know, there was words that she used to try to reset you back to zero type thing and you do this over the course of time.
Speaker 1:What happens with that picture of trauma is it's the best way to put is like veiled over. It's always going to be there, but it it's like. When I think about it now, it's almost like there's a thin white sheet over the top of it. So it's less dramatic, it's less poignant. I still think about it because I have to. I still it's. The idea is to not get rid of the trauma, because that's pushing it away. It's it's finding that place of going. This is the reset point, so I can deal with. I can deal with it on a daily basis. And what happened during the time? This, I mean this took a couple of weeks. You know a couple, a couple of things in a row. Sometimes it only takes one session to do.
Speaker 1:For me, I had to unpack a lot more stuff to get to the point where I was okay talking about it, and one of those things was really crazy Again, very personal, very awful experience to even talk about it because, um, it was like she goes, you're protecting yourself from whatever. You have this like inner person, this inner child or whatever it is, and little mitch over here is trying to shield you from what you're the pain and this, this is what's happening, this is how. So basically, it was like you, from the comments I was talking to her about, she, she's like you're not telling me the truth, you're protecting yourself. And so it just kind of unpacked it to where, like, you have this inner self, this inner child, this inner whatever, whatever that person is. For me it was like my little, it was like nine-year-old Mitch and I could see him and I could be like. I remember this moment and this affected me to protect myself forever. I'm never going to let this happen to me, right? Whatever, and uh, and so it was uh, the.
Speaker 1:What she made us do was like what she made us do, what she made me do, and it's super. Even talking to people about it. It makes me so uncomfortable because it's like you have to talk to your inner self out. She made me do it out loud. So it was like tell the, you know you don't need them anymore. He needs to be released, like that type of thing. So you go through this exercise of like releasing your inner protector, right.
Speaker 2:And this, this embodiment of you, that's yeah, that like will protect the, the kind of metaphorical, like innocent child.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and so I had to have a conversation with myself. It's so stupid. If you recorded it, I everybody laugh at me, you know like that's how I feel. But it was so emotional. But once I did it it was like okay, I'm ready, let's talk about it, let's talk about this that happened and let's deal with it. But it took like two sessions, three sessions, to really get to that point where I was like she'd asked me questions. I was like that's a bullshit question and you know that type of thing.
Speaker 1:But I like having a therapist. I don't anymore, I don't go to therapy but, um, because you can be like I was just like that's a bullshit question, I don't, I'm not going to answer that and and you could feel like you're open with it, but for me, that trauma piece, I think it's real right.
Speaker 2:Like I feel badly even talking about how I think we overuse the word trauma, whatever and bullying Going back because you talked about that and you talked about your own trauma and there's no judgment on your trauma. Your trauma is your trauma.
Speaker 1:Yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2:Joe Rogan says the worst thing that happened to you is the worst thing that's happened to you. Yeah, right for for a kid that might be like oh, someone like called me a loser on social media yeah, and for somebody else, my life's over my mom had to give me up in world war ii to save my life.
Speaker 2:Like we know, those are completely different things. But the little kid inside you know at some point when it's too hard to understand what you're feeling, yeah, you, I think what happens is the child creates, yeah, the tough guy, yeah, that, that protector guy, right. Like you create a thick skin, you create a tough exterior. You know you start creating a version of yourself to protect the kid that was hurt too many times and your psyche can't quite like live there Like it's not safe enough in the world to do that so that's my point is like it's not like what qualifies as trauma.
Speaker 2:We want our kids to have enough uncomfortable, but appropriately uncomfortable situations. Process it. Learn from it. Fail in the soccer field, fail at school with something. Ask a girl out and get shut down. Fifth grade.
Speaker 1:That never happened to me. What are you talking about? Fifth grade I?
Speaker 2:wanted to be cool and my friends were asking out. Joy and Shannon and and their friend Nancy was there and I'm like, well, I'll ask out.
Speaker 1:Nancy, I didn't even like her.
Speaker 2:I just I mean, she was cute, but like I didn't have it wasn't?
Speaker 1:yeah, I was in fifth grade, let's be clear.
Speaker 2:I was. I was my son's age, but I asked her out and she's like I'm not going out with you and it's just like and I but I was glad I did it. Even though I can look back now and go. I only did it just to be socially accepted.
Speaker 1:Yeah. It wasn't because I actually wanted to go out there and create a friendship or date her.
Speaker 2:But anyway, all those things are appropriate uncomfortable situations that teach us new lessons and allow us to grow and evolve our personality. But when something happens that we cannot process, it's too scary, it's too isolating and we don't have anybody like a parent to share with or parents, ideally to share with then that, I think, becomes the trauma that 30 years later you're sitting there getting this therapy to kind of like unpack yeah and I think we, as parents, what we want to do is not allow that to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, try to figure out, try to read our kids and see where you know their emotional disposition is like, oh, what's going on here. Like, yeah, don't never like to, always try to leave those lines of communication open. Do you have decent empathy. I mean, I think I'm like for a guy I'd say, yeah, like a modest amount, like I would say an average amount of empathy.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't like. I'm not bragging. I'm super empathetic About an average amount of empathy.
Speaker 2:My wouldn't like I'm not brab, I'm super about an average amount of empathy. My wife is like really empathetic. Yeah, like super empathetic yeah, that's my wife.
Speaker 1:She's a two, I, I'm not, I'm I very much I wouldn't be a three you're three goal.
Speaker 2:Goal guy, I'm a seven oh yeah, yeah, that's, that's.
Speaker 1:I have so many. Oh dude that's crazy.
Speaker 2:That makes sense. Britt is a seven too. Oh, that's cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think, I have no empathy. And I have to force myself to like. Stacy's helped me a bunch, like hey.
Speaker 2:You have some, Otherwise you'd be a sociopath.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true. Just be clear, Some enough Enough to not be a sociopath. I think If you had no empathy, you wouldn't remember holding your child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1:That would not have fazed you at all, but I think that's a part of my guarding system too is like I, I do control that part of my heart pretty good. Anyway, all that to say, I think that's I mean, our kids just need us to be there when they need us there, and I don't. I don't think it has to do with like, they don't open up as much as they do, as long as they have the outlet and the willingness to do it. I think loving unconditionally, being proud of vocalizing that, I think, is what this generation, our kids, need, whatever the generation they're going to be called.
Speaker 1:I think the best we can do is to say, hey, I'm going to love you like crazy and I'm going to be there when you need me. Show up. Yeah, I'm going to show up, um, but hey, you want to talk to your mom? That's cool. You're probably going to need to have a friend, you know, that understands where you're coming from. I can tell you what my experience was. But we didn't have phones. We, you know, we didn't have the internet, like even just that kind of stuff, and even you know you, just you try to avoid. I don't even want to talk about that stuff now, cause it's like, oh, that's scary, like I hope he's not dealing with this, but also like I probably need to talk to him about this stuff Cause.
Speaker 1:I noticed him starting to notice girls and like all those different things that come along with that. So, yeah, I this is. I love this topic. I can't wait to watch or listen to the episode because I think that we either I think men have a struggle with this, and I've talked about this a lot is the struggle of the 35 to 40 to 50 year old.
Speaker 1:Just this fog that we get in, like we thought we would be this other person in our 20s. It's like we still have goals. We saw this but when you're 35 to 40, it's like this is it, and dealing with that can be very, very difficult. And then, on top of we're dealing with trauma from our childhood and dealing with all the pieces that come along with it, and I think the coping mechanism for us is not working out. You know it's like eating, uh cheating and uh drinking. You know it's like the ings, it's, it's, it's just what if we, what if we really took a look at how do we support other men to say and be open about hey, this stuff happened and I want to be a better father through this um and dude.
Speaker 2:That's. This is where I want this podcast to go. Yeah, and once, this is something that you and I have been talking about and listeners, uh, you know we're 34 minutes into this podcast, but uh, and I hope you've been along for the ride if I felt like this is, you know. Thank you, mitch, for really opening it up and talking about.
Speaker 2:You know, some of the stuff you've been through yeah and I do hope you guys go listen or watch you can. It's you, it's on youtube, it's also on other things, but like the the hassan minaj podcast, I will say, uh, he. Uh, dr gabor mate does go into the psychology of donald trump and his dad's sociopathic behavior and why, why he is the way he is. So if you're triggered by somebody talking negatively about trump's mindset, uh it was negative.
Speaker 1:It wasn't just factual.
Speaker 2:I thought doctors are supposed to be a little well, I mean it's the, it's the facts of what happens when your father is either an alcohol is an alcoholic sociopath yeah and how some people will become alcoholics and destroy their lives and others become more sociopathic and in other ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and, and, but. So I just wanted to put that out there. I don't want to trigger anybody when, but anyway. But this is. You know, I think there are a lot of I know, specifically men who listen to this, who are, you know, somewhere around our age and have kids, and, and, and, just you know, want to think a little bit more deeply about this type of stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And just at least, if not just, hear more about our thoughts and our thoughts and bringing on people that could talk openly about their own perspective, whether that's health, fitness, but also fatherhood and that kind of stuff. So it's our goal, listeners, is to really go deeper in with this type of stuff.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I think one easy step and we'll wrap up is putting down your phone. I think one easy step and we'll wrap up is putting down your phone. I think kids notice it more. I mean, my kids have mentioned it. It's like that's the barrier now is looking at our phones, scrolling, dealing with, dealing with our life on our phones. If, just when you're in, when you're at home, be at home and I think that will solve a lot of our issues is my daughter I don't hear many kids when I'm on my phone or I'm looking at stuff or I'm dealing with a stressful issue or whatever is being able to just be present when you're home, putting your phone down, because that's going to be our biggest barrier for our kids. That's a great first step, I think, to do that. But thank you guys so much for listening yeah we appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Please like, subscribe and join our exclusive, exclusive club of premium members premium members of dad bods and dumbbells. Bart's also gonna start sharing exclusive content of workouts. We've done stuff that we I'm doing too.
Speaker 2:I'm getting ready to start training for an ultra, an ultra marathon, something I'll be sharing all my I think that'd be cool to do like a monthly premium member, kind of like pod, just like a like a little premium pod yeah, you guys get little nuggets on if you hopefully more value.
Speaker 1:But Bart told me to pump the brakes a little bit on all the free stuff we're going to give out. It's only nine bucks.
Speaker 2:So I hate to over-promise, under-deliver. I'd like for you, if you join the program and you sign up, I want you to A know you're supporting us and if you've been listening, we're almost at 100 episodes here. We're at 75 or so If you listen for a while. We really appreciate that and this could be just a way to say thank you to keep us going and to help us kind of continue to be better and find more and more value to add to our podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think all around it's great. Thank you guys so much for listening. We love you. Have a great day.