The Dad Bods and Dumbbells Podcast
The hosts Mitch and Bart discuss fitness, fatherhood, and guy stuff to help men live a great life, have fun, laugh, and get a little more fit in this weekly Podcast.
The Dad Bods and Dumbbells Podcast
Interview w/ Ryan O’Dea: How Fitness, Fatherhood and overcoming Alcohol Changed his Life
Ryan O'Dea shares his inspiring journey from weighing 325 pounds after college to becoming a competitive bodybuilder at 245 pounds. Through overcoming health issues, quitting alcohol, and finding community in the gym, he transformed both his physique and his approach to fatherhood.
• From college weight gain to fitness journey: taking control of health after needing medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol
• Finding purpose in fitness during personal struggles and making the gym a consistent priority
• Heart health challenges including atrial fibrillation that required multiple surgeries
• Decision to quit alcohol completely 5 years ago and its transformative impact on training and recovery
• Experience competing in bodybuilding shows and the surprising camaraderie among competitors
• Breaking down gym intimidation: why the "big guys" at the gym are usually the most supportive
• Parenting a 15-year-old athlete son while balancing expectations and encouragement
• Building community through fitness: from gym relationships to weekly breakfast meetups
• Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) as a medically supervised intervention for low testosterone levels
• Learning to accept compliments and overcome self-deprecation in fitness achievements
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Welcome to DadBods and Dumbbells. My name is Mitch hey.
Speaker 2:I'm Bart.
Speaker 1:Thanks so much for listening, liking, subscribing and sharing. We're so glad to have you. Don't forget about our premium membership. Here at DadBods and Dumbbells. You get some extra special content a couple of cool things coming up. Also, big thanks to our sponsor, Solutions Pharmacy. Thank you, guys, so much for what you do. If you need anything from Solutions Pharmacy, make sure you check them out. But today we have a special guest. We are hanging out with our good friend Ryan O'Day, Ryan, welcome.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me. So Ryan and I actually know each other from the gym. He came up to me recently and put it together that I was one of the Dadbots and Dumbbells hosts.
Speaker 1:Really, you got a little celebrity sighting.
Speaker 2:Nice and I know that you know Ryan, the trainer, ryan, who's there a lot working out, he trains up at the Arboretum and you guys connected on that podcast or this podcast and how that was maybe your connection with this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's how I learned about it.
Speaker 2:But I just think when you hear somebody walk up to you randomly in the gym and say, hey, your podcast has inspired me in some way, uh, that puts some fuel under that that's cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it gets you excited to keep this thing going.
Speaker 2:So big shout out, thanks for doing that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, ryan, we we brought you here not just because you're a listener, but because you are walking the walk and talking to talk. I mean, if you know, I'm 6, 4, 2, 15. Uh, this guy is 6 foot 7 and what are you weighing in right now? Right now, at about 245, 245.
Speaker 1:Uh, so very impressive individual, uh, one of the why didn't you, why didn't you do my weight and why?
Speaker 2:stop my height.
Speaker 3:We all know about a solid 5, 11, 3 and a quarter 230 you're not six foot yet.
Speaker 2:No, I'm trying trying my best man you gotta get those lifts. So it's like athletic actually, I found I found an insole that I'm gonna get.
Speaker 1:Bart, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 2:I will be six foot, no problem in a month so anyway, uh, but yeah, I mean, you're one of those guys. I think, uh, more guys talk to you, probably at the gym than any other person, because they're like what do you do? How do you do it? How do I get big? What am I not doing, right, you know? So we're going to talk to you about fitness, also about, of course, fatherhood and your perspectives just on being. You know the age you are and kind of where you are at life, so let's start in with just fitness right now. Talk you are at life, so let's start in with just fitness right now. Talk to me about what you're doing currently, like what you're working towards and what's your perspective on working out that really has been helpful to you.
Speaker 3:Well, right now I'm actually training for a fitness competition or a physique competition in November. This will be my third show. I kind of got into it just as a way to stay motivated. I've kind of been an avid gym rat for really since college. Got out of college weighing about 325 pounds and it was not from working out.
Speaker 3:It was from living the college lifestyle and realizing that I just needed you know, I was taking medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol and I just knew I needed to make a change Moved to California and while I was looking for a job out there, I spent a lot of time in the gym, Really found an enjoyment in seeing the changes that were happening in the mirror and then also on the scale, also got off of some of those medications that I was on and just kind of.
Speaker 3:When I moved back to Iowa, where I'm originally from, I just immediately got right into a habit of making it a part of my day as best I could.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what part of Iowa are you from.
Speaker 3:I'm from just outside of Des Moines.
Speaker 2:Oh cool, I got a lot of family in Burlington oh yeah absolutely background there yeah, a lot of Christmas is there so health struggles, weight gain, things like that, and they're in your 20s. You kind of found the gym, found like how much better you started to feel. Yeah, when, when did it really for you become kind of almost like like it going to save my life? Talk about maybe the last five or ten years.
Speaker 3:So it's lifting weights and wanting to get stronger and be sort of a larger individual. It's always sort of been part of my mentality, but I think it was maybe for all the wrong reasons. I was a tall, skinny kid, got teased a little bit being skinny when I was younger. Then I became big and kind of overweight didn't like what I was seeing in the mirror, and so it became more about me just kind of building muscle and I also kind of liked being kind of a strong guy. Where it really changed for me was, um, oh, probably seven or eight years ago I hit a real low point in my life.
Speaker 3:Uh, you know, with personal issues, work related issues, things that were going on in my life, and the only thing that I knew that I could control was myself and what I can control about myself. So I really dove into the gym at that point, working out, trying different things, doing a lot of classes, kind of built some camaraderie. I was going to Gold's Gym out in Westlake and met a group of people there, like-minded, got to know the group workout, workout atmosphere, really enjoyed it. Um, but I kept getting injured. So I was tinkering with my workouts and how that was making me feel and anytime I would get work, anytime I would get injured, it would set me back um.
Speaker 3:At that point in time I was still drinking a lot um Thought. That was, you know, just kind of part of my identity even at that point. And then about five years ago COVID hit, ran into some health issues related to my heart and at that time and with some other things going on in my life, again personal, work related, I just said you know what, let's, let's, let's give up the alcohol.
Speaker 3:And one of the things that I decided at that point with the alcohol was that I felt like at that point that was the thing that was kind of holding me back from any any, anything I wanted to accomplish, for what I was seeing in the mirror it would stem from drinking too much alcohol, then making poor food choices, not sleeping well all these things being kind of pretty much depressed all the time. Once I cut that out, things started to fall in line, and one of the things that really started to fall in line was my passion for the gym changed from just going in there and going through the motions to understanding my body and how it responded to the stimulus that I was putting on it.
Speaker 1:So so what do you feel like in, especially with the drinking thing, because now it's very popular. It seems like that people are going no alcohol hey, I quit this. I did that. What do you feel like for you, especially during COVID, probably one of the most stressful times where drinking was at an all-time high what do you think for you changed just in your mindset of, hey, I'm just done, did you go cold turkey? How did that process look?
Speaker 3:Well, up to that point I'd cut way, way back. Probably three years ahead of that I cut way back where I was, you know, I wasn't drinking at home, um, I wasn't drinking in front of my kids, uh, as best I could, um, and so I'd cut way back. But even the times where I would drink, maybe I'd go on the road for work and have a few drinks in at a bar near the hotel or at a restaurant near the hotel. I just woke up feeling like what was the point of that? Have a few drinks in at a, you know bar near the hotel or at a restaurant near the hotel. I just woke up feeling like what was the point?
Speaker 3:of that a lot of the times I felt like I was like chasing that fun aspect of drinking in college, that free time, and and it just it never. I was never hitting that fun time anymore, it's just yeah. I got to the point where I was like there's no point to this. Then I then I experienced the heart issues, got that fixed and I went through a few surgeries for that.
Speaker 2:So this and this explain what the heart issue was.
Speaker 3:I had atrial fibrillation, so I had a you know kind of a misfire of the heart and arrhythmia, and so I had to go through a couple of surgeries for that is that, where they go up through the femoral artery into your heart.
Speaker 2:Yes, I actually had a couple of things done. It was a trial at the time where they go up through the femoral artery into your heart.
Speaker 3:Yes, I actually had a couple of things done. It was a trial at the time where they called it the amazed trial or something along those lines, where they also tied off the. The risk in for atrial fibrillation is clotting. That throws a clot up into the brain and you and you have a stroke or or or. What they did is they actually tied off that left ventricle appendage and that, once that died off, that kind of removes the clotting risk. But on top of that they went in and did an ablation to fix the misfiring. Well, I've had to have a couple of those done. Um, and then one of the other things, getting back to the whole reason for quitting was that I noticed that anytime I would drink alcohol, it would raise my heart rate or change my heart rate or it would take me out of sinus rhythm. So I was like you know what, I'm not going to do that anymore, I'm just going to quit cold turkey at that point. This is about five years ago and I haven't had a drink since.
Speaker 1:That's great. What is the impact for you? In social settings, work settings, I mean, that is a huge factor anymore with going out and doing anything. It's very social. So how has that changed that part of your life?
Speaker 3:It took me a long time to feel comfortable going back out into social settings like that. I sort of just um, kind of shut down as well. Um, I was going, I was still dealing with other things in my life, some personal things that I was still dealing with, but removing the alcohol helped me handle those a lot better. Um, so that that kept me from going out and partaking. But then I did worry a little bit about social settings, work settings, but what I did is I kind of. One of the reasons I drank in the beginning to begin with is to loosen up, to crack the jokes that maybe I would second guess myself from saying I wasn't saying anything offensive, I wasn't doing anything out of line, but I'd be concerned about how people would take those jokes.
Speaker 3:And I got to the point where I was, like I don't care anymore, just say it.
Speaker 2:You're not doing it. A couple of shots of tequila, yeah yeah, it does not pretty much fix all that concern. Yes, in your brain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it does not pretty much fix all that concern? Yes, In your brain, yeah yeah, and I just was like you know what you know. Nobody's bothered by the things you're saying, so just say them, and if they don't land, you know what. You're doing it partially for your own amusement, anyway so just keep doing what you're doing. Yeah, that's cool. So I got through it, and now I just don't even think about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was it a temptation of like once you're there, I'm going to have one, or not? Was it ever that part of it, like you were just tempted by the fact that you're going to have to, or not?
Speaker 3:Well, I make jokes that I used to, so my thing was on the way home. I would stop at the gas station and get a couple of tall boys on the way home. That was my thing while I was drinking. And I make the joke that for two or three months my car would just try and pull itself into the gas station by itself and I'd be like whoa, we're not doing that anymore. So, yes, the temptation was there For a while. I tried the non-alcoholics and for me it wasn't really alcohol. I didn't have an addiction to the alcohol.
Speaker 2:I had.
Speaker 3:I had a consumption problem. I mean, I drank in college and it was binging. It wasn't uh, it wasn't craving alcohol. I mean I didn't wake up and start drinking immediately. But when I start drinking, there's no, it's an on and off switch. There's no, have a couple and call it a night. It it was. We're going to. Yeah, we're throwing down.
Speaker 2:We're throwing down. As big as you are, I mean, you probably have to consume a lot more alcohol than somebody else to get the effect that you're looking for.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and sometimes it wasn't even the effect, it was just I just kept drinking because, I don't know, it was like maybe even a nervous thing. But I make the joke now as well. If you see me drinking water, if you see me drinking non-alcoholic beers, I'll still hammer, you know seven or eight of them in a setting and it's like okay, we understand.
Speaker 2:We understand why you need to doing a keg stand at the water fountain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at a keg stand With five guys cheering him on Go go go, that's great.
Speaker 3:That was. But that was funny. You say that, but that was part of my identity, like I mean getting challenged to chugging contests in college and in my 20s, I mean that was just kind of part of who I was and that was how I was known and that was one of those mindset shifts that I needed to make, like I'm not that person anymore and that's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so well and you know you have a couple of kids, you know who you're. You obviously don't want the behavior of alcohol, the excessive drinking, to influence and that kind of stuff. And so, uh, talk to me how you talk to us about, like, your relationship with your kids and and specifically, how becoming becoming sober has impacted your ability to really parent them well, um, I felt especially early on, when I was probably drinking excessively, like I missed out on things.
Speaker 3:um, it's not that I was there, but maybe I don't have the memory of them. Now I don't worry about that at all, and I know they don't either. They were young, but they saw some things that I'm not proud of and I wish I could take it back. I've talked to my son a little bit about it. Now he's 15, and he you know he's asked some questions of me. You know he's starting to get into that part of his life where the temptation is probably showing up in his stuff. So I try and tell him some of the things that I learned and some of the things I would have liked to know at his age, try and help him navigate that best I can. I think he's I mean, unfortunately he's seen a few things that I think are dissuading him from even starting.
Speaker 2:So, but just for perspective, did your anybody in your family growing up have, you know, use alcohol in that way?
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's yeah and there's been alcoholism in my family. My grandfather, I think, had a problem. I didn't know my grandfather very well, but I heard some stories so it's something that I'm predisposed to.
Speaker 1:Those types of stories come out later in the sense of like, oh, maybe, yeah, my granddad was the same thing.
Speaker 1:It might have been Iowa, I don't know. I mean the fact that they're dealing with a lot more trauma than we were, you know, dealing with wars and that type of thing. So I hear that, but I would love to hear I want to definitely hear about how your, how fatherhood has affected you, because obviously you have old kids now, older kids and you're going through stages of lives that we're about to go through. So I want to hear about that. But I'd really love to hear about um, what because for those that are listening, we're not on video today is Ryan is jacked beyond compare. So he's one of those guys you see at the gym and you're like is how do I, how do I become his friend? How do I become like him? All those things. So tell me.
Speaker 2:Will he beat up my bullies? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:You want Ryan in your corner at all times. So tell me, going from non I mean, you described yourself as kind of a non-athlete, but still like with the physique of that how do you go from being a big college graduate to the fact that now you're competing in bodybuilding?
Speaker 3:Yeah, Well, I will say I had success in sports up, through growing up and through high school, played on a state championship basketball team and I had success and I was athletic. That was part of the drive to stay that way. I played basketball through my 20s a little bit for fun and I really enjoyed it. The thing with lifting weights was that it was me versus me, so I wasn't really competing with other people. I didn't really worry about how I compared to others. I did have a few people, I guess, make comments along the way that kind of told you know things like saying things like you'll never be able to bench this or you'll never be able to. You know, you're skinny, so you're not going to be able to build muscle to a certain level. And I took that as a challenge. I was like, okay, well, I think I can, so let's see what I can do there. So that's how I stayed motivated through all of that. And then again the compliments started coming like, hey, you know, we see you in here every day. You're making improvements.
Speaker 3:One of the things that really also keeps me motivated is in the gym, the camaraderie around that People don't. I know you see all these things online about people shaming other people in the gym, but in my experience that's few and far between. It's mostly encouraging, and that's one of the things that's been great for me over the years.
Speaker 2:And some of that is finding the right gym right also like, yeah, it's a good gym, has great gym culture and yeah, like, building each other up yeah, you know, complement each other, spotting each other, doing that kind of stuff just generally like can get a little too much, like I couldn't go in there and actually work out.
Speaker 3:I would just have a conversation after a conversation.
Speaker 2:The longer I hadn't been there, the longer I was like Jesus Christ. I need to be somewhere where I have no friends.
Speaker 3:I 100% agree with you about Lifetime. It is the most social gym I've ever been to, but it's one of the things I like about it.
Speaker 2:It's a problem, but it's also just wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, absolutely I think that's cool, the okay, but truly you guys are super tall, super jacked. Um, I understand, I I think a lot of that like gym culture. Pressure comes from us inside. So when I walk into a gym not anymore, but back in the day.
Speaker 1:The reason so when I walk into a gym not anymore, but back in the day the reason I didn't walk into a gym was because they're going to see my love handles, they're going to see this guy's oh, good for you, buddy. But now it's more of like I've I've created and established myself as something that is significant and so that changes the culture. But that happened in my late twenties, thirt 30s, where it was just like man, I'll just get a home gym. I don't want to deal with the pressure, but the pressure actually wasn't, it was on me. You know, when you actually think about it was the insecurity that I felt a lot of the times, and so I think that's probably pretty good to talk about is understanding that people are for you, especially in the gym, especially guys like you that are super jacked, that are sitting there doing stuff that I could never think of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's almost an expectation that, like the big guy is judging.
Speaker 1:Yes, or like looking down on you, and that's not the case at all.
Speaker 2:I'm always like, oh man, I've seen that person a couple of times Like good for them. I almost want to go up and be like keep it up, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, great, yeah, which actually from a tubby guy, a dad bod like mine, doesn't help, doesn't help. No, hey, good, but you tassel their hair too, jesus.
Speaker 2:Christ come on man.
Speaker 3:I don't know if this has been your experience, but I get a lot of people that like start out, they want to come up and ask me questions, but they start by almost self-deprecating.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's exactly how I am. Am they self-sabotage?
Speaker 3:themselves or deprecate by saying I know I'm not this or I have this or I look this way, but I'm like no, just yeah, don't leave all that stuff. You're here too I'm I love talking about this stuff.
Speaker 2:But I what again? I think that is a. You know people imagine that, like you only want to talk to guys just as jacked as you Like. Really, yeah, You're going to be a lonely dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's not that many amounts I mean, that is such a good perspective and I'm so glad you brought it up because I've felt that for a very long time. It's that heightened insecurity. It's the same thing when I run. You know, I've run many marathons, I'm out there, but I still feel that insecurity, like everybody's judging me. You're not the runner, dude, you're not this guy, and people don't really give a crap.
Speaker 1:I mean, when it comes down to it, we're all worried about what we're doing and I think that's a good perspective of like it's cut out the bullshit of, of deprecation, like we want to help each other, and I think that's ultimately what the gym can be right.
Speaker 3:I'm actually really, really guilty of the self-deprecation as well, like I'll I try and I'm I'm aware, yeah, of of myself at this point where I mean I it took me a long time to be comfortable with the compliments and and and really seeing myself the way others see me and I still struggle with it. Yeah, but when people come up to me, I'll I go out of my way to show them kindness and concern for for their struggles, because I feel like I almost overcompensate. But it is a mindset shift. I had to shift my mindset in order to be able to.
Speaker 2:That is actually something that tall guys learn to do. Tall guys and I'm just like that growing up, like we often, because we're so tall and therefore can be intimidating we self deprecate. We will get our. We'll get a little smaller to make them feel comfortable if we have a little bit of inner security and can't own our physique quite yet. Yeah and so, yeah, that's that that happens oh, I'm right there with you.
Speaker 1:100 guilty of that so I I think a good message to everybody out there is the feeling that you're having is you and we all want to win together and I think, if we can, we can draw attention to that. Yeah, obviously, let the man do his reps, you know, get, get your workout in just standing right next to him while he's doing nobody really cares.
Speaker 1:You know, nobody really cares what you're lifting or pushing. They really care about people, care about people and a lot of. When it comes down to it, I think we forget that well, gyms are like a form of a tribe, right?
Speaker 2:oh, you're like me, you go to lifetime. Oh, you're like me, you work out at 9 00 am or 12 pm or like each of the like kind of there's. You know, there's the early birds, there's like the drop your kids off at school and go work out crew, like you know, eight to ten or whatever theretime crew mid-afternoon, and so all of those are little like kind of tribes within the context of like we all work at the same gym and that brings us together, especially guys, you know. I mean I don't necessarily recommend you talk to all the ladies.
Speaker 1:They probably don't want to talk to you, maybe you? Yeah, they definitely do.
Speaker 2:But like, but there's a camaraderie there. That's just kind of innate. People who are intimidated by that idea should embrace it and just realize like hey, man, you're doing what they're doing at the same time they're doing it.
Speaker 1:Clearly you have something in common Absolutely, and I feel like what we experienced at the powerlifting competition. I feel like probably competing gives you that sense of you come in already feeling like you're inadequate. Do you ever feel like the first competition, say, when you're in the bodybuilding world, like coming into that is super intimidating. What was that experience like?
Speaker 3:Incredibly intimidating. But it's really funny you bring that up because it's the whole reason I'm still doing. It is because of my experience at the first competition. Uh, I walked in, I was by myself. When was your first show? It was 2021 or 2022, okay, um, I can't recall. It was here in austin, it's just down at the fairmont and then the convention center, and I was, I was intimidated and I'm walking around and it was also. Not only was it a a NPC show, but it was also a pro IFF, ifbb, pro show.
Speaker 3:It was all it was all together that day and they just mixed it up. So there's all these just absolutely massive jacked guys walking around, all these you know, really beautiful women in their bikinis running around, and I'm pretty intimidated and the thing that really just jumped out at me is that I felt like it was supposed to be a competition and you wouldn't know talking to anybody there. I was out of place multiple times, I didn't know. You know, there are tricks like eat gummy bears or or something before you go on stage, because that improves your vascularity and it's like I didn't know any of this.
Speaker 3:And there are guys just pulling out here, take this, or, you know, take these gummy bears here. Here handed me the, the ropes to do, or the bands to do biceps and pump up and stuff.
Speaker 3:And then I was over talking I think I might even been talking to my coach and and pump up and stuff. And then I was over talking, I think I might have even been talking to my coach and the guys who I'm directly competing against were like hey, come on over here, man, You're about to miss the call. And I'm just like the camaraderie around it was amazing. The only thing I didn't like was actually walking out on stage. That was the part where I was like all right, this is it.
Speaker 2:I'm not I. That was the part where I was like, all right, this is I'm not.
Speaker 3:I mean, it was part of me that I'm standing up like I feel, like I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm not walking out there only to have a judge go. You know, and I have no opinion yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think that that also speaks to the fact that trying new things, doing something you're out of your comfort zone I mean, you're still doing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that I mean you're still doing it, yeah that's kind of awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so if I'm you know me coming up to you in the gym, I initially go, I make a self-deprecating comment or I compliment you over the top where it's uncomfortable. That's just natural, bart. You know me well enough to know that. So what? How do I approach a jack dude to just talk about what they're doing? And that this is going to sound. So I'm not trying to sound.
Speaker 2:Ryan's going to give us Jack dude conversation.
Speaker 1:How does another bro approach another bro? You know, jim, appropriately.
Speaker 2:All right, you are clearly taking this one. I'm not. I'm not, we're not going to do a role play here, I just like what, what would be? Maybe I do You've, I'm taking this one, I'm not.
Speaker 1:We're not going to do a role play here. I just like what would be. Mitch might need that, maybe I do. You've seen me live, what's?
Speaker 3:the easiest way. I'll just tell you how I do it. When I approach a guy who's big and I've probably seen him for a while, I usually don't approach just some random person who might be like a one-off in there in the gym.
Speaker 3:But if I see you around a few times I try to introduce myself because I kind of have this attitude of you. Know, it's like walking by somebody in the office. After a while it's just rude not to say hi. But if it's a particularly big guy or jack guy or say they're doing a bunch of weight on the leg press, I'll go up and I'll just like lean on it and make some stupid dad joke. I'll go up and I'll just like lean on it and make some stupid dad joke. Which?
Speaker 1:that's my demo.
Speaker 3:Is dad jokes, dad jokes all day and it's disarming, it's not self-deprecating, and that usually leads into you know hey, you know what's your name, how long have you been doing this, you know? Probably the conversation around competing or powerlifting comes up. Start talking through that, you know. And then it just becomes like, hey, you know, I don't spend a lot of time usually talking to these people. It's like, hey, I see you in here all the time, get to know you. And then I kind of think along the lines of you know, I'm going to get to know them over the next several months. Don't lean in too hard, yeah, don't lean in too hard. Get in, in, get out, yeah. But that's usually how I I've done it with me. People are, you know. A lot of times I get questions about like how I built a certain muscle group, the way, the way I have it, or something along those lines yeah, and I like talking about it.
Speaker 3:So I'm like you know, I don't I mean, I don't go into great detail, but I'm like you know. What do you want to know that?
Speaker 1:That's cool.
Speaker 3:I'm happy to help.
Speaker 1:So how does another dude approach another dude? That's pretty easy, pretty simple.
Speaker 2:Just start with a dad joke.
Speaker 1:Yeah, simple, dad joke all day, right, I love it All right.
Speaker 2:So let's see your son's 15. He's playing JV football. Yep, as I know from my neighbor, enters him into a popular world where he's probably going to be a bit of a celebrity, especially if he goes into varsity in the next couple of years. I just tell how that Bowie world works.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, bowie High School for sure.
Speaker 2:So it's important that you're able to kind of take him through that process of having the perspective of what this is and all that. How have you built your relationship with your son to make sure that you still have that ability to connect and influence his decisions?
Speaker 3:It's been difficult. He is a real strong-willed individual. He's very athletic, plays everything. He plays football, played basketball, baseball, loves to golf, just likes to remain active. And the only thing that I try and help him with is I don't I had a lot of success in sports, like team sports and things like that, so I don't. The nice part is I don't feel like I'm trying to live vicariously, and especially in football. I didn't play football, so I'm just it's fun being a dad watching, and so I let him kind of tell me what's going on. I ask him how practices go, you know, what are the coaches telling you, you know?
Speaker 3:I I like to try and talk to him about not resting on his natural gifts. Hey, everybody has natural gifts. It's the people who develop them that go beyond. But also I try and get him in that mindset of you're in charge, you control your own destiny, so you're as good as you want to be. Um, but then again, I'm also his dad is, you know um, his, his family, his mom, uh, his grandparents they're all huge, you know, supporters of him, and we just try and constantly remind him of that. Um, he's pretty hard on himself, so we try and navigate that, as best we can, I get it. I was that way too. That's something I wouldn't mind asking for some help on as well. Like how do you, how do you handle somebody who's just hard on themselves, even when maybe they're they're taking the blame for he? He'll take the blame for things that he doesn't necessarily aren't all on him, and so that's one of the things that maybe I'd ask y'all's help for. Help me with that, but that's how I handle it with him, I mean.
Speaker 1:I think the best thing we can do for our kids truly is to love them and support them in everything they're doing.
Speaker 1:And they're going to take wrong turns along the way. They're going to make mistakes, they're going to fail, and one thing I especially love is not coming to him in a sense of I've done this, so I know it's more of a tell me what cause their feelings. Are their feelings, man? What they're experiencing is so, so real and we're in our 40s now Bart's in his 50s, but we're in our 40s and we can look at. That was a joke we were looking at. We were looking at.
Speaker 2:This is the truth. It's truth, but it's a joke. How old are you? I was joking 49. 49.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're still in our 40s. A bunch of 40 year olds hanging out with the 50 year olds. Uh, all that to say. I think that we my dad used to say it when I was wrestling, because I was a really good wrestler, but I just didn't see it. I was so intimidated and he would say I wish I had the confidence I have now, when I was your age and I didn't understand that until I was an adult I was like, oh, I have a lot I I could have visualized.
Speaker 1:I was so stuck in my world of what if I fail, and we forgot that like hey I should have just probably freaking enjoyed it, because when you're that age you think, well, yeah, you're going to live forever, but also you can't conceptualize time. Think about, you know, five years from now, 10 years from now, it's like realistic, like I've lived that life, they that's like a third of their life, and so we can have that perspective of time. And I think that's a lot of the issues my kids have is, I don't know if they understand time. That was more of the issue.
Speaker 1:I think for me was if I would know hey, it's just four years, or this is it for high school, this is it for college. Just enjoy it and work your hardest and excel, because you're always going to look back, going ah, if I would have just done this, if I would have just been so hard on myself. But most of the time the kids just want to be loved. You know, and I think that's the thing I want to fix everything and I'm terrible at doing. I'm terrible at fixing, but I'm also terrible at telling them how to fix it right and instead just embracing the fact that they're going to fail.
Speaker 1:It was like I wish, I wish I would have been able to fail. Like now, looking back, I'm like my dad protected me from a lot, but like at the time, now I'm going, man, I just want to see him. I don't want to see him fall on his face, but if he does like, this is the, this is what makes you a man. This is what you're going to carry with you forever and not seeing the potential of well, he could I mean, he's good, he could be this, this and this. Definitely.
Speaker 1:I think all of our kids are that athletic and that awesome that they could be something special in the sport, and I think a lot has to do with identity. You know what's your identity? Because once you're out of high school, it it's over, usually for most people and we're still struggling with where do we find our identity? And that that's a huge piece for me is like man I held so much in to be. This is my identity as a, as a man, as a, as a kid, as a whatever. I wish I would have wasted so much time on these little things, knowing what I need to be as a dad and as a husband, and all those different things.
Speaker 1:So that's a lot of advice, to give you no advice.
Speaker 2:I would just follow up and what I was listening and what I heard from that was, you know, yes, love them, but it's like when I think back to my dad, who was an incredible human being in kind of what he went through, but struggled with depression, alcohol and just anger, and I can't remember a real relationship with him.
Speaker 2:I remember him coming to all my games. I remember him loving basketball, watching me play play basketball, him teaching me trigonometry and things like we both realized we're both good at math. He's like let's do physics together. It's like he found ways to be helpful, to like support me, but I don't remember a real relationship and yeah, and that's what I want most for my son, he's like I want my son to come out of.
Speaker 2:That's what high school and into into being an adult and to know without a shadow of a doubt I have my father loves me, I love him. There's a relationship there that I can really trust and lean on. And you know, because I think from that relationship with both parents obviously, but like I think father, son is really strong and really important Like comes that springboard of confidence that they can go try hard things and not worry about making mistakes.
Speaker 2:you know, and it's just it's. It's cool to be at this place where it's like I can see my dad and and and all the amazing things that he is and was he's passed on, but that he was but also see where he wasn't able to be who I needed him to be, and then look ahead and say, here's my son, here's where I've succeeded and here's where I'm failing and need, to like, do better. And he's 11 and I've got. You know, I've got seven more years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's exactly right In this house. Yeah, I've got seven more years.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's exactly right. We're in this house.
Speaker 2:And then after that I'm kind of like that's it, like he's out, you know, seeing his own life through, and I kind of have what I have with him at that point. So how does that resonate with you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, it's probably one of the more important things for me is being there for him, supporting them. And you know, I, I know it's okay to miss a game or two, but I don't want to because I I feel like there's a finite number and I want to see them and, like my, my daughter as well. She, she's into swimming, she's into other, she's into some other activities as well, and I just want to make sure I'm there for him, even if it even as long as she sees me in the crowd and knows that I'm there for her. That's that's what I want for sure, first and foremost.
Speaker 3:Now I have also said look, I'm in a place where I I can give you some of the two. I give you access to some of the tools that, if you want to, you know improve yourself in in certain areas, whether it be sports or academics, or you know play the piano, or play an instrument, or even drama or anything like that. We can, we can do that, but you gotta want it, and so I'm trying not to push them. I want them to want it for themselves. But that's a hard message for them, I think, to understand, coming from me, and I struggle with that a bit.
Speaker 2:That's good, that's great Kids naturally want to please their parents. Yeah, so it's like, how do we disconnect their desire to please with like? You know, how do? How do we know that they are doing it for the for like the right reason? Yeah, I just. I think you look for where they're self-motivated, where they're not leaning on us to be like come on, let's get the bag and get out the door.
Speaker 2:And I think too, there's seasons for that too. I've seen my son kind of pull away from basketball and get really into it and he used to love to go work out with me at Lifetime. Seeing my son like kind of pull away from basketball and get really into it, and you know, and, and he used to love to go work out with me at lifetime, and now he refuses. But he goes to the strength and conditioning class on Tuesdays at home court, which he freaking loves. And you know, I just, I, just I want to let him do the thing the way you know, do it the way his way and not my way yeah, I think that's.
Speaker 2:That's also a control thing too, like as dads, like letting go of the control of like what happens and letting our son feel that space to make their own decision. That's good I have.
Speaker 3:I have consciously sort of also now with the whole fitness thing, because I, because I know I think my son too especially gets some pressures from his friends because of the way I look um, you know, so say especially gets some pressure from his friends because of the way I look.
Speaker 2:So say that again he gets pressure from his friends.
Speaker 3:Because of the way I look, or at least he's told me this in the past. He's you know how come your dad looks like that? How come X, y, z.
Speaker 2:Is your son tall he is.
Speaker 3:He's probably 6'3", 6'4". Damn he's got that bird nest haircut so he's probably six five with a haircut, so uh, but anyway, no, he's, uh, you know, and and he's, he's, and the thing is is that I, you know, I, I tell him because we can see it now being in the gym. As long as we have, we can see the people who have the type of physique to be able to put on size if and when they decide they want to, he's he has that ability.
Speaker 3:He you know he's thicker than I was when I was in school, but I don't pressure him. This is for me and that's what I try and explain to both of them. I mean, I do this for me. This is something I decided long ago, I wanted to pursue, that I use for me to improve myself, among other things. So don't let what I'm doing affect how you guys see yourself or anything along those lines.
Speaker 2:So I do think, and one of the things I've noticed is that, you know, first of all, it's cool to be a dad who's not like falling apart at 50, right like, and I don't know judgment other dads. But I went back to school night and I was like there's not, no, it's total judgment.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's just that like it's at this point. If, if most dads at this point in their 40s and 50s are kind of like you know, they're, they've gained some weight, they're, you know, they've got an old knee, that's just, you know, arthritic or whatever, like they don't, they can't really like, and we're, you know, we're still walking around like as strong as we probably ever were, if not the strongest we've ever been, yeah, I mean I, literally, literally.
Speaker 2:I'm probably stronger, or at least powerlifting show. That's the most weight I've ever looked at my entire life that's crazy so you know, but that's also a different thing for our kids to deal with, like that's more intimidating. You know that's also a different thing for our kids to deal with. That's more intimidating. That's maybe a harder nut to crack in terms of a kid seeing their dad as not just this heroic figure.
Speaker 2:So I think that puts a little bit more of a burden on guys like us to really be soft and accepting and nuanced in how we approach them.
Speaker 1:I think that's a good point, though. I mean I go to all the back-to-school stuff too. You know I see the dads and I'm challenged more by that than I am seeing a guy like guys like you, where it's like man, they have it. It's more of like don't lose it. It's like keep pushing. This morning the same thing. It's more of like don't lose it. It's like keep pushing. This morning the same thing.
Speaker 1:It's like I overslept and I didn't want to run, I didn't want to lift, but I was like well, what's Bart doing? And I think that might be a like who do you surround yourself with too? And all these guys are feeling pretty sad because they don't have that. You know, I at least get that. So I mean there's some value in that as well. I'd love to talk to you about those circles for you, because it's very easy to isolate in this world that you're in, because it's individual, right. How have you found a circle? If you have one? Where do you find those people that strengthen you, that challenge you, all that type of thing.
Speaker 3:So a couple of things. I spent the majority of my time here in Texas kind of a loner. I was focused on family and work. I was getting my workouts in, but I wasn't really meeting friends, not spending time away from that dynamic.
Speaker 3:After I got into bodybuilding, I will give my coach credit. Shout him out real quick. His level up physiques. His name is Tyler Fluitt. I've been with him for about four or five years now and he has created a community with his company, along with his partner, randall Royal Great guys.
Speaker 3:But they created a community of other people who were kind of going down the same path I was. Now it's all Verizon. I mean, he's got clients that are up in their. I believe one of their clients is up in the seventies. Uh, you know a lot of bodybuilders, a lot of physique, a lot of women as well. But anyway, created community for us to you know, even though it's via text or or via like a WhatsApp group or things along those lines. But they also create meetups, group group workouts, things like that.
Speaker 3:So I created a community there and I started to meet some people there and that was very helpful. That was very helpful for me to stay motivated for this individual sport where I'm not a showy person. I didn't want to get up on stage, didn't want to do the whole posing routine, because I felt like it wasn't really for me. But then Lifetime, lifetime was a big change for me. Um, but then lifetime, lifetime was a big change for me. Now I had met a group of people that in those group fitness classes that I was close with prior to the pandemic, and then covid shut everything down, sort of killed everybody. A lot of people didn't come back to the gym, so that hurt.
Speaker 3:But when I got, when I started with with Lifetime, there was a community there, a lot of guys kind of in my situation, divorced, kind of getting up there in age, kind of feeling like maybe we're not the person that anybody really desires to be with or be around. And you get to meet these people. We're all kind of working on ourselves. And then you start to realize you know, man, there's a lot of us out here we're pushing ourselves. But now we have this group of guys, and some women as well, that are just really helpful for you know, telling us that you know you're not, you're not out to pasture this guy mean you still have high ceiling, if you have a ceiling at all.
Speaker 3:So that's, that's really been helpful and from there created a breakfast group, meet a group of guys every Saturday over here at Kirby Lane for breakfast and we just, you know, talk about anything, talk about everything.
Speaker 1:So that's great. It's such a vital part of especially I mean, there was a lot of things that you said in there that are tough to deal with already but the fact that you can find people that are like-minded in that is super, super important and guys isolate just naturally.
Speaker 1:I think, and it's a challenge, what for you was it a necessity or was it just kind of you stumbled into it because you're doing this, like how did you find this group specifically with that? Because, yeah, he can create community, the text groups, all that stuff. But you also have to kind of put some action into it, right?
Speaker 3:Well, honestly, this is going to sound weird, but there's a co-ed sauna at Lifetime.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that is where so many relationships start.
Speaker 1:Where is this? Let me write this down real quick.
Speaker 2:Ryan has his shirt off.
Speaker 3:All the men start talking to him.
Speaker 2:All the girls feel jealous, all right.
Speaker 3:So I made it awkward, all right.
Speaker 2:I'm good at this. This is what I do. Go find a co-ed sauna, hang out.
Speaker 3:But we would be in there and a couple of these guys you know they've just been in there. It's like the same group, same time every night and the conversation just gets started and then, a couple of nights in there, something serious gets mentioned and all of a sudden, other guys in the group, other guys in there you don't even. You don't even know who they are never, never even seen them. They pop in with their yeah, I'm dealing with that too and and it just kind of became a thing and so like three or four of us that are that kind of around the same age were basically lining up parallel with each other in terms of life experience and some of the things we're dealing with, some of you know behaviors we were experiencing, some of the you know things we're dealing with the kids, and it just kind of spun up from there.
Speaker 2:So that's great I I the other, ryan called it.
Speaker 2:He and I were in the sauna and we were having a conversation and it was exactly that he and I were just talking and then slowly, like a guy would chime in about something that's similar, and we were talking about his, his daughter and my son, just just kind of like how's it going, how you know that kind of stuff, and just guy after guy just chiming in about their experience and all of a sudden it was like this big kumbaya, like talking about just life and and that's and what people you know.
Speaker 2:The benefits of the sauna can be discussed, but on just the idea of like coming to a place where you have nothing to do but just sit and kind of relax and be calm and like you're in the presence of others, really creates kind of what we don't have a lot of which is, yeah, the ability for community to form, and I think it's uh, you know you could have that with the jacuzzi and I think the cold plunge is a little bit like that at the at lifetime too where you know you sit in the cold plunge.
Speaker 2:Everyone's just like rooting for each other yeah, how long are you staying in, like you know, like it's like this, like how long are we going like and just kind of build each other up, but it's it's awesome that you found that there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely I love the idea of the Saturday breakfast too. Just somewhere where people can convene and talk and share. I'm sure in the conversations that you have, people are always asking you, I would imagine what are you doing? Are you on peptides? What supplementation Are you augmenting with anabolics? What's working for you? What are you recommending or talking to people about checking out?
Speaker 3:Well, I will 100% say I can't get to where I'm at. I don't feel like I could get to where I've gotten without testosterone replacement. I've been on it for several years now. I didn't know how bad it was until I got it tested. This is probably, I don't know, six or seven years ago now. I got tested and the doctor and I quote comes back and says your levels are so low, I don't know how you get out of bed every day. And I noticed now also, I had a couple things going against me.
Speaker 3:I was dealing with some depression, some personal things. Afib as well saps your energy, but my test was so low that it almost didn't register. But it was weird to me because I was like well, I'm still getting into the gym, but that's about all the energy I have. So I got on that and I'm a firm believer in it. I tried a couple of different methods the injections, weekly injections. This is all prescribed. I wouldn't recommend getting anything online. Who knows what's coming. And then they do these pellets as well, that they kind of like put it, put it in you and it lasts for six months or whatever what's been more effect because I have clients that do pellets.
Speaker 2:I have female clients more than the pellets, but what? Whatever you found works better? I like the injections better, right twice a week.
Speaker 3:I just do it once a week. Once a week okay, once a week and for the longest time. Now. One of the reasons I don't do anabolics is because I don't want to inject myself. I finally just came around to start doing the TRT myself because I can get it cheaper. Shoulder glute Just right on the side, alternate side hips Just right in the subcutaneous muscle right there. It doesn't feel great, but you know, I mean you get used to it. Beyond that, I've taken a few other things. Over the years. I did some stuff from like Rocks Discount and things like that, and I'm not picking on Rocks cause I still get all my protein.
Speaker 2:It's one of the like they you tend to like be at every bodybuilding show. They got rocks like big big setup and you go over there and you buy the big protein and the protein and all that. So okay, and the guys there are great.
Speaker 3:I actually really liked those guys cause they I've been going over there for years for my protein and my pre-workout and things like that. But I took some of those I would take some of those off-the-shelf pro-hormone things and they just mess with you. I just didn't like the way they made me feel. I took one that I could tell it was messing with my liver because I was getting that itch that I think goes along with that, or kidneys, maybe I can't remember which one it affects, but but I came back in I said this is doing something to me and he goes. Uh, he goes, are you itching? And I said yeah, and he goes, yeah, get off it. And. And so I did. Then I went. That's when I started getting my blood tested more regularly just to make sure that I, because of my drinking, I thought I was having some liver problems anyway, and so I just maintain that with uh I take, you know, every six months I'll do blood work with anyway that's cool.
Speaker 1:Well, I so you're just on TRT.
Speaker 3:Then yeah, right now okay yeah, I've considered GH because of some of the things I've read and some of the things I know about it.
Speaker 1:Um, what's growth hormone? Is that what GH is?
Speaker 2:yeah, okay, cool, and then well, I mean, there's like there's gh, the actual like gh, and then there's like peptides that stimulate natural gh release, like I have not done any of the peptides.
Speaker 3:I ask about them. I get mixed reviews um. A lot of people swear by them. Other people say they don't know if it works or not.
Speaker 2:So I don't, I don't know it's also another where you getting them from yes, absolutely, mark from pharmacies. Some of them are from research labs, online, right, and so yeah, it's hard to you know. It's hard to know if you're getting it from a place that's actually reputable. It's new I mean, peptides are new science, so I think it's a positive thing that it's not big pharma. They're trying to kick the compound pharmacies out of that game because they want to own it, but right now RFK is keeping that thing open.
Speaker 1:It's interesting, there was just a Joe Rogan episode with the guy from ways to well and I did all into it he's going to these like big pharma meetings and like he's just getting like the most.
Speaker 2:He's got all these stories of who RFK or the waste? Okay, waste well guy and RFK friends. Okay, having him like jump on these calls.
Speaker 1:Dang, that's cool Anyway. So.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's an interesting space, but thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:I know like that TRT has been a game changer for so many guys that.
Speaker 1:I'm glad it's normalized now. I really do, because I think there's a lot of people that were suffering and not doing anything about it because they didn't want to say they were on something or do that. So I'm super thankful that it's normalized. I haven't gotten on it yet, but my, my brother, or also their wives, think it's steroids that you know, you know.
Speaker 2:I think there's a natural concern with women. You know my wife included that, like you know, if you're going to turn into this like super aggressive male, you're kind of like the guy that, like you know, has road rage and just can't control his emotions.
Speaker 1:TRT doesn't do that, because I get on prednisone and I just throw things. You know, not really, but I'm just saying you cry a lot, I cry a lot. Very emotional time for me.
Speaker 3:That's funny. It does raise your estrogen at times, so you sometimes have to get on an AstraZol or something like that to bring it back down.
Speaker 2:That's generally when people are on, because it aromatizes into estrogen and that's where bitch tits and that kind of stuff can show up, even if you're taking normal amounts, like it just depends on how your body responds to having increased so it sounds like it sounds stressful there's some science to it. That's why you don't have a doctor involved.
Speaker 1:Yes, doctors are definitely involved my wife's a nurse practitioner at a family practice so I everything bart says, she analyzes and I come back with a review like hey, her, his, uh, his brother's a ear, nose and throat doctor yeah, my brother and my sister log both.
Speaker 2:Sometimes throw some he got.
Speaker 1:He has some good suggestions and what's actually really cool is he has gotten in shape. My brother was never an in shape kind of guy and got in shape. He's a freaking amazing wakeboarder now at 42 or whatever, but he's like very much like hey, he's the one who got me on depression meds when I was really struggling with 36 to like where I'm at now. You have, there's serious stuff that happens in men Uh, the average man I should say. I mean it just really does affect with you. And so he got me on depression meds. He didn't, but I got prescribed from my other doctor.
Speaker 1:You can't really Royer to Royer is not allowed anyway all that to say. He talks about TRT and he says, listen, it's just gonna happen like you're gonna get on it and when you're, whenever that time is, you'll get tested like it's going to be a game changer. And so for me I'm kind of like, oh, okay, well, I thought it was like steroids. You know, that's like the normal just man brain I have, I guess I don't know, but that's what I thought, and it's kind of normalized, which is I'm thankful for, just like dealing with sobriety or depression or marriage, kids or all the different things that come along there are. Men need to talk about this stuff and I'm so thankful that you are so open about it. I know there's a million things we didn't discuss, but ultimately I think I think I was definitely impacted by it. So thank you for being open and sharing about your journey and where you're at, and you know it's going to motivate me to start getting jacked again. That's where I'm at right here.
Speaker 2:The funny thing about Mitch is like go watch Mitch deadlift 500 pounds. Stop. Nobody feels sorry for Mitch.
Speaker 3:He's so damn strong.
Speaker 2:I swear his dad just made him carry large bags of hay.
Speaker 1:It's the Isle of Farm Boy vibe.
Speaker 2:You throw bales of hay man and he's like is this good he? Just pulls 405 with no warm-up, I'm just like oh God, so we're not feeling that.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that, bart, thank you. The tall guy problem of hinging it's a real thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I saw Bart doing deadlifts and the powerlifts. I was like I do not.
Speaker 2:I mean, literally the emcee was making fun of how tall they never had to raise the squat rack that high. That was funny.
Speaker 1:This is a new record for how high the squat bar is in our powerlifting competition. Not the typical powerlifting. It's funny. Well, thank you so much, though, for sharing. Is there anything you want to promote, anything you've got going on you'd like to talk about before we close out?
Speaker 3:I don't have anything to promote. I mean thanks for letting me shout out my coach. He's really been great for me and his team When's your next competition.
Speaker 1:I'm shooting for November, early November, so you're on a cut right now.
Speaker 3:I'm on prep right now, so it's a little bit easier this time around. I maintain more of a lean physique this time around, so right now it's easier. Talk to me in a couple of weeks, yeah absolutely See where I'm at.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, it gets tough. Yeah yeah, six weeks out, yeah, cool.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you guys, so much. Thanks for listening to Dadbods and Dumbbells. That's Ryan. Shout out to Ryan. Thank you for being here, if you.