The Dad Bods and Dumbbells Podcast
The hosts Mitch and Bart discuss fitness, fatherhood, and guy stuff to help men live a great life, have fun, laugh, and get a little more fit in this weekly Podcast.
The Dad Bods and Dumbbells Podcast
Health Challenges, Telling Funny Stories, and Breaking the Stigma of Therapy for Men w/ Britt Knighton
Get ready for a raw, hopeful talk about therapy, identity, and finding a sustainable way into fitness as dads. Britt shares how counseling has allowed him to level up in his relationships and ease the anxiety that kept him up nights worrying about work.
Episode Highlights:
• college football check-in across Baylor, Oregon and Texas
• Britt’s post-accident weight gain and reset
• one year of counseling and the fear of broken promises
• masks, people-pleasing and using humor to avoid pain
• agreements from youth and rewiring identity
• why shame fails and tiny goals work
• pairing joys with movement to build consistency
• therapy’s impact on marriage, presence and home
• silence practice, spiritual stillness and mental fitness
• expanding the emotional “crayon box” to hold nuance
Premium subscribers will be emailed a hilarious story from Britt Knighton.
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Welcome to Dad Bods and Dumbbells. My name is Mitch. Hey, I'm Bart. Thanks so much for listening, liking, subscribing, and sharing. We love you guys. We'd also like to thank our sponsor, Solutions Pharmacy. My hair is growing back with a fury, even though I'm wearing a hat right now. You will love it. My wife loves it way better. I won't have to go to Turkey. Thank you, Solutions Pharmacy. And we'd like to also thank all our premium members. Thank you guys for believing in us, uh, serving us this way. We got our big workout coming up here in October. We're going to share those dates with you. Uh, but we're going to get together and have a good time. So if you haven't checked out our premium uh membership, check it out. Uh, we'd love to have you.
SPEAKER_01:All right. And so before we kick off the interview, I want to introduce uh Britt back onto the podcast. This is actually his third time here. We love him so much. We love Britt.
SPEAKER_02:A glutton for punishment.
SPEAKER_01:Uh but we want to bring him in for the college uh football minute because he I went to Baylor, and so he has a fresh perspective uh with his team being Baylor.
SPEAKER_03:I'd love to hear the relevance of Baylor football nowadays, so I'd love to hear this.
SPEAKER_05:It's so nice. And of course, Mitch, you and I, you and I both love green and gold just for different reasons. But um yeah, Baylor did really great. Kansas State, win by one, last second, pick six, field goal. Dude, that's a big win. That was so cool, and just a blast. And so yeah, I'm more proud of it.
SPEAKER_03:What's their record right now? And are they ranked?
SPEAKER_05:Four and two, no, not yet. They should be. If they keep winning, they get in the top 25. That'd be cool. I think so, especially if they have good quality wins. Um but yeah, I mean it's that's a blast. I love it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I love it. Anytime they can play a winning record, it's always positive. But I'm so used to just being always number one with Oregon. Now they're number three ranked number two, I think, two or three. No, actually third snuck up because Miami snuck up on hey, and they should, man. Carson Beck and Mario Cristobal, our former coach. Uh, but actually a big matchup this week is Indiana at Oregon. So I'm an alumni of Indiana, and Oregon, my football team, the team I love is a house divided or heart divided. A heart divided. I don't care if uh Indiana football wins and never have. Um I'm proud of them. I'm happy for them, but uh Oregon better beat the pants off of them. Bart, how about Texas? Tell us about it.
SPEAKER_01:Um, yeah, well, we got the Red River Classic coming up this week. That should be uh quite exciting and interesting. Uh last week, I don't want to talk about it. I feel like gotta move forward. You gotta let go of the pass. Uh yeah, Florida kicked our ass. And uh it was just tough. It was tough to go into Florida to that stadium. It just looked like the entire team was off. Uh-huh. Uh just for yeah, just not just Archman, but like the team was off. The defense seemed flustered, like that first uh, you know, kind of they got a they got an interception that kind of called back, and it seemed like that they just lost their mojo ever from since that moment. I don't know. It just just the whole thing was just off. And so they're just not a very good team. And the college rankings saw that and said, Yeah, you're no longer top 25. I mean, from number one unranked. We're off to a uh interesting start here. So yeah, anyway, uh I don't have much to say about it. I'm just uh eagerly hoping that they can pull something out of their bro. That was an elevator ride to the basement quickly.
SPEAKER_03:Some some people would uh would look at the last seasons and say, who had season uh tickets? And then there's only one changing factor, and that's Bart now has season tickets.
SPEAKER_01:Could be the uh could be the jinx. Yeah, it might be a jinx. That that's fair. That's fine.
SPEAKER_03:I I think the real jinx is the fact that Texas has uh rookie offensive line, they don't give Arch enough time, and I think Arch is a he is the real deal. It's just you gotta have enough time in the pocket and can't be afraid you're gonna get your brains bashed in every single time. And and Florida's D, to their credit, it's pretty good. Yeah, Florida's D's good. Look, I stink as a football team, but other than that, you know, all the 25.
SPEAKER_01:But Arch has to be able to throw a pass to the hands of the person who needs to catch it. That's all. Let's leave it there. Um, I'm glad we had uh Brit here to to distract away from the wallowing.
SPEAKER_03:I know it's sad self-pity.
SPEAKER_01:Uh I think no, it's not self-pity, it's it's uh UT pity. It's just I mean, I don't take any responsibility for the UT's uh performance, but uh it's always a sad to feel it.
SPEAKER_03:Well, Britt, this is now we were talking we were keeping track. It's like this is the third time you've been on. Yeah, you're a friend of the show, recurring guest. Um what I'd really love to talk about today is you know, we've caught up a little bit, you know, a lot of the episodes we we discuss anything and everything, but I think specifically, I think there's been a few things that have been coming up to my mind, and I'd really love to talk to you as a dad of kids of what age?
SPEAKER_05:14 and 10 to boys.
SPEAKER_03:14 and 10. So my kids age 13 and 10, Bart's similar age. So um what I'd really love to hear is I I've been battling my own health side of things and and fitness and finding the time, and not just finding the time, but including my family in that. How what type of what type of things do you do? What's your health journey like with your kids, with your family, especially as your kids getting older now, eighth grade, eighth grader, gonna be in high school. Right. What's that process look like and then the balance piece of your health and fitness?
SPEAKER_05:Um my journey, well, my journey originally I was an athlete growing up and just I never had to work out. I just played. Yeah. And you know, when you play soccer, you play volleyball, you play, you just play. And you don't I never really went to the gym and just plugged in earphones and just ran around. You know, that sounded boring to me. And so it wasn't until I got a really bad car accident 12 years ago. And I think I mentioned this maybe not, maybe. Yeah, the first episode. Yeah. So um, long story short, that was life-changing for me, and I gained a lot of weight afterwards, after the surgery, and I just couldn't couldn't do anything. So I got to a good enough place. I lost a lot of weight, and then I was like, okay. But I really never took it much further than that. Yeah, it wasn't healthy, it was just getting out of a really bad spot to just kind of medium. Yeah. Not the size. I'm still an XL, but you know, okay. Always XL is for life, baby. So I think for me, I I've gotten pretty complacent when it comes to my health and fitness, to be honest. Because it's kind of like if I can only slice my time pie three ways. I have chosen family, work, and then this last year I've really focused on mental health. I started going to counseling for the first time. And I don't know how brightful I was because I was like, why am I gonna pay somebody to tell me what I already know? And I'm like, gosh, Britt. But I've learned a lot.
SPEAKER_01:It's so funny once you've I just started counseling a couple about a month and a half ago, and like just the best decision. And I'm like, what was stopping me before? I have no idea.
SPEAKER_05:I feel the same way. Yeah, um, and with me in my fitness journey in the past, I'm I'm a really good starter. And then it loses novelty, and I just peter out and have a really good excuse, and then I'm like, boy. And so with this, we're it's gonna be a year consistently going to counseling and finding the time and doing the work and learning more about myself, and um I'm I'm proud of that. So there's a mental health taking out time that's specifically for me. So now I kind of feel like I have this muscle in me now to where if I I know I can do with counseling, could I also do this with health and fitness? Yeah, I I haven't taken the the leap. Yeah, I almost don't want to, or just to be honest or vulnerable with you guys, I don't want to because I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. So I'm kind of afraid of jumping in or making some big claim. Yeah, because then I don't want to be a liar. Yeah, yeah. And so um, yeah, that's mine. Uh I'm I'm not, you know, I'm not lazy, I know that. Yeah, but I just haven't taken the big leap of really taking care of myself.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And it's a lot easier in those circumstances to, especially in the midst of it sounds like very busy life, very busy schedule, and it's it's easier to take the than not prepare a meal and go out, or to, you know, just snack. I'm a snacker, it's how I've always been. Um, I I think an interesting question for me for you is from a guy that's driven and been successful in a lot of different things. Do you think that like when you worked for CG, were you obligated to be as a part of your job? I have to be fit, or was that ever an ex now you're sitting in a situation where there's not an obligation to?
SPEAKER_05:No, I was never I that's not one of the rules. I think legally you can't do that.
SPEAKER_01:Um I'm sure they tried. At least for the trainers.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I had a I had a fat trainer once that just didn't respect him, you know. Not you. Not you. Thanks. It wasn't Bart.
SPEAKER_05:Um, yeah, I I there was there is some uh imposter syndrome there sometimes. Um again, I'm not like this huge overweight guy either. I no, no, but I not at all I feel like I am when you know you can do better, yeah, and if you live, I mean, I'm not saying I'm kicking it in every aspect of my life, but in a lot of plays, I know I'm a hard worker, I know I have success, I know I have diligence. It's I ask myself, how can you be dedicated and diligent in one part of your life and then completely not in the other part of your life? It's like, I have the same brain. Why what makes me really hardworking and diligent and consistent in some things, and then other ones, I'm like, why can't I crack this code? Um so yeah, there there was an embarrassment a little bit, but I'm not like I said, I'm not crazy overweight, but I know I can do better. Yeah, and that's the place where I get a little embarrassed and I try to overcompensate with other success.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Um, I'm like, well, at least I have this, this, and this going for me. Yeah. So in my head, I can weigh it out and go, oh, I'm I'm doing okay.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:You know, I if I have a D plus in fitness, but I have an A plus over here, does that kind of just even it out a little bit?
SPEAKER_01:So that's kind of my B. What's that? It's that's a B. Yeah, it's you're doing great, you're passing, you're doing great. Well, I look so to be honest myself, with uh, you know, I people from the outside, you're like, oh, he's fit, he's really disciplined, and sure, those things are there, but I have used fitness as a way to mask my like vulnerability or or to make people like to present myself as somebody who's strong and capable, has it all together, and has it all together because so many people judge the external and say, oh, look at that guy, he's got it together, right? Versus and and it's allowed me to not deal with some of the stuff that you know, like the little boy, you know, inside me who's like got this big strong man protecting him, like kind of almost like person, like I'm kind of my own little boy's bodyguard in a sense. And I I think I'm processing like how do I be healthy and not also use this as a crutch? Because whereas you may admit to feeling like you're kind of avoiding some of the health stuff, I think I'm using the health stuff to avoid some of the other stuff. Interesting about my like the emotional stuff about myself.
SPEAKER_05:When did you when did when did you figure that out? Are you verbally processing it now?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, I mean, this is part of going with you know having a therapist, uh-huh, you know, and just uh and starting to really understand the nature of like why we create protective personalities, like why, why I'm um, you know, why I need when I walk out that door and I present myself to the world, like what you know, why I want to be so likable, why I want to be, you know, I want people to like me so much. I want to be validated for the way I look and the way I am and all that stuff, is just a protection for like the kid who was bullied and and uh kind of abandoned or or not considered or not like didn't never felt unique, never felt seen. And so I just it's something that I'm I'm dealing with and processing and trying to figure out how to like you know, lack of a better term, let that little boy out. Like so that like my authentic self can play.
SPEAKER_05:I love that you said authentic self. Um, you know, personality comes from the root word persona, which in Latin is is or Greek, it means mask.
SPEAKER_01:Oh really? Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_05:And so uh we see mask as like this thing that you're hiding or you're faking. Yeah, but in reality, you know, uh you don't act the same at a party as you do at a funeral. Does it mean you're being fake? No, you just understand the world around you and you put on whatever mask you need to do. Yeah, I think our personalities, there's some things that are just wired in us. DNA, the way we're made. Some people can sing, some people can dance, some people can't, some people are faster than others, jump higher, stronger, taller, short. I mean, those are the stuff that you cannot. You can I I have friends that could work on something every day and they would never be as good as my other friend who just naturally can do it. Yeah. You know, you can go from a D to a B minus, and some people are just born in an A plus. Yeah. And that's physical strength or whatever it is. I think personality is very similar, and we don't put personality in the same things as physical attributes. Um I think that's the place where once I started learning who I really was, then it makes my excuses not as valid anymore. Once you kind of know where you're coming from and you know, you can't, you're not that good of a salesperson that you can fake yourself out once you actually know who you are. You know? And I I could I wish I could plead ignorance, but I can't, because I I've I feel like I'm pretty self-aware. I love the idea of self-awareness. So truthfully, guys, I'm the you know, I've I said this before, new levels, new devils, right? The more I become self-aware, the less my excuses make sense. And I know I'm running out of runway for me to not do something about it. And so that's a little scary, but it's good. Yeah, it's good scary, right? Um, yeah, that's that's been probably the last year journey for me. And you know, career change, my wife's career changed. I've got a kid in junior high now. I mean, like all these big, huge things happened, like just by themselves is huge change, uprooting. Yeah, and I'm I'm a personality where if one thing's changing, you might as well change everything. Because it's like, yeah, I'm gonna get it all over. You know, I'm like, I'll sell my car and all this.
SPEAKER_00:Go crazy.
SPEAKER_05:Start getting it. I'm gonna get a ponytail and a and a Mazda Miata and a silk shirt. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:So I think you just went back 27 years. Right, right. Silk shirt.
SPEAKER_02:Mazda miata. Mazda miata. What was cool in 1992? Ponytail. One dangly earring. No. Um the extreme, extreme, that look. Shaved on the side.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know if you've been listening to our journey, but I did get a dangly earring. Oh. I have an earring, but it's not dangly right now. Okay. I'm letting it heal. Okay. But I have a dagger and a lightning bolt, and uh, so yes. A dream catcher. Yeah. With a feather. I do. I like to wear, I like to wear it themed because I did it as a joke, and now I'm like, oh the joke's kind of cool.
SPEAKER_01:Now he's double, now he's really owned it. I love it. Double down. I remember you walking around uh the office and you know, and like and just getting reactions from various people and they're like, They thought it was a little bit of a stretch, but they don't know me.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What do they know? They're way too complex. The authentic myth.
SPEAKER_03:I think when you deal with identity, I I think this is a pretty cool, uh, pretty big spot. I think a lot of men our age are all dealing with. Because that's why a lot of us are going to counseling now or therapists, just to comprehend who we are now and honestly who we want to be. And I'm super proud of everybody that's done it because I'm super proud of you guys, because doing that now is a deconstruction into a reconstruction of who we are. And you know, I've I've been pretty open about the counseling I've done dealing with uh uh depression and uh mental health side of things, and I think it can be it can be just this big, oh, he's a mental health guy, oh he's this and that. And I think there is just something about dealing with the for lack of a better word, the demons inside to say, no, I am enough, no, I am these things. And I of course pose very heavy uh Christian-oriented side of things. So understanding who I am in Jesus' eyes changes your perspective on who you are. But mine came from traumatic things. So I had something I had to deal with very specifically, and in the midst of trying to deal with that one thing, I realized, oh crap, like there's a myriad of things I have to break down first before I can build up and to be the dad I want to be, the husband I want to be, uh, the human I want to be. And I think one of those things came from for me, and maybe you'll relate to this, and this is why I bring this up. In high school, I was a chameleon. You know, I I moved around a lot, and so I'd have to come into any situation in the first few minutes and try to make a whole new set of friends. And so I my dad called it group morale enhancement enhancement syndrome, is what he described it, because I was a different person if you put me in front of an audience or a group of people than I was at home. And it wasn't just it was just the waves of understanding of the energy it takes to be the entertainer, the put the facade on, put those faces on, be who people expect me to be, and then actually be who I am. And I think one of the things I noticed today with Bart was I came in feeling a certain way, and literally how I was is how I normally am. And you're starting to see me as a friend the way is just pretty well 95% of my life is I'm pretty low-key, I'm pretty chill, I don't, you know, I carry a lot of burden in my head and I'm thinking constantly. Um and I think the the therapist side of me told me uh, hey, that's okay because you put this mask on to say, well, the 5% or 10% or whatever, everyone out externally sees you. Well, if you're not that, then why would they like this person? Why would they like the person that's sitting here contemplating, dealing with things, processing things internally, and then boring? Just I'm a bore when it actually breaks down to it. So that was the thing I dealt with was understanding that who are those people in my life that actually will love me if that's the case. What did you what do you struggle with? Because it seems like your personality with being a comedian, with dealing with it seems humor first. When you, if you don't mind me asking about therapy, what was the process? Is it a breakdown for you of going, who am I, who am I? Or is it more of a how do I cope with the things that are going on around me? What's that process for you?
SPEAKER_05:Um like I'm I am an entertainer, or I like being on stage. I like any stage. Like I'll build a stage to be on stage.
SPEAKER_01:You know, so I want to say something like you're talking about kind of like like being that kind of funny guy in a in a group. Like I've never seen it so well done than at like Cozumel or or these like these winner circle trips that I would go on with with Britt and Brit Britt, and we'd all have a few drinks, and Britt would find a piano or a stage and just start riffing. And I'm like, like next level funny, where he could just like improvise for like what seemed like the like from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. That's the timing. Yeah, that is that is the which magic really comes back. But I but I thought to myself, like like, first of all, extremely gifted in that space of like just owning humor in a for for all the people in the room, but like how much you know, with any gift comes probably some demons. And so talk about that.
SPEAKER_05:Other side, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:What's the other side of the coin?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, to follow up with that. Sorry, great point. I do you resent that person sometimes? No, no, I think you don't resent that side of you. No, I love it.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, I love it. I I'm not embarrassed of it. I that is who I am. I really love it. To the point where I need to, I'm learning to be cognizant of not always having to be on and entertain or have the mic, even though I'm holding a mic, literally. No, but like the idea of I have to let other people talk, I have to make other people the center of attention. I think that's a lot of it is my selfishness. And I think it to to entertain people or to be kind of like performer at heart, you kind of have to be a little prideful and selfish because you have to believe that what you're saying is worth a damn.
SPEAKER_01:I it has to be intoxicating too. Oh, it's when you when you have you know all of your coworkers just captivated.
SPEAKER_05:Like my favorite thing in the world is like my friend Mason Murphy, who lives in Dallas. He's best dude in the world, too. And uh he'll be like, hey, Britt, will you will you tell that one story? Everybody shut up. Britt's gonna tell the story. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is my favorite thing. I get like goosebumps thinking about it right now. I love it. I love it. My my family has this running joke, like Thanksgiving, Christmas. Yeah, they'll be like, Britt, tell this story. And then I'll like it's story time with Brit, right? And then the running joke is my brother will tell a story, and they'll go, Oh, that was good. Britt, tomorrow night if you tell that same story, it'll be way better.
SPEAKER_02:My dad my brother Kyle's like, son of a Johnny, whatever. Um so go go into the depth of it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. So that is who I am, but I use that to deflect a ton of what are of any insecurity that I have. I um John Eldridge, he wrote a book um called Wild at Heart. Yep, read it. Um great book. Any any guy or gal, I mean, but any guy it's meant for men. Um I highly recommend this book. The idea being you we we make these agreements usually early on in life, these like foundational things that could be true or they could be a lie. And you always have to go through in your head, you believe this about yourself as truth. Because you've made this agreement a long time ago. And that's where a lot of our pain, hurt, whatever it comes from. And that pain cycle continues if you don't either break the agreement or you have to convince yourself otherwise. And I think I use humor to deflect, I use humor to mask how I really feel. I use humor because I don't want to deal with the pain of anything. And so, as I like if you like the Enneagram, I'm a seven on the Enneagram. Sevens hate pain. They don't hate conflict, they hate pain. I'm a seven too. So I and so the idea of like I just there's I avoid it at all costs because why not just why not have fun? Yeah. If we're gonna if we're gonna choose to be melancholy, sad, and painful, or fun, happy, and silly, hmm, I wonder which one I'm gonna choose. And I it's not that easy, but it makes me not deal with the agreements that I have made about myself or the negative self-talk.
SPEAKER_01:Or you wanna you wanna get out of the room when it when the when there's a feeling of like, oh, it's too much, there's too much melancholy, it's too much pain, like I can't stay here too long, I gotta go work out, or I gotta go, you know, or tell a story, yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_05:Or just numb out doing something else that's just funny. Well done. Yeah, well, I don't watch the news. You know why? It's freaking depressing. I'd rather watch something funny. Yeah. Like I just don't wanna I don't I don't I don't wanna spend my time and energy doing something that's not hard. Hard's not the thing. It's boring, feeling trapped, or pain. Not like physical pain. I mean that too, that sucks. But like the pain of like I'm okay with conflict if I know the conflict on the other side is gonna be reconciled. Like I'll fight with Christina, my wife, because I know we're gonna be okay. It's worth fighting. Yeah. But if it's somebody that I just can't get over, I'm like, and I'm like, peace, puff of smoke, and I'm ninja, and I'm like out. And I just I don't want to deal with it. I and learning that about myself, I think over the last year I've realized that I do a lot of things because I'm a people pleaser. That's one thing about me. Yeah, most pe most performers are at heart, and so I want other people to like me, and I've found the tricks and the triggers to pull to make that happen in my life. Thus, why not play that every day? Yeah, and it has benefits too. I mean, it helps with sales, helps with relationship building, all these things, but it comes at a cost. And so me learning that and being okay with it, realizing I've made these agreements in my head, and I'm like, some of these aren't true. I gotta get over it.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I don't know if it was you shared it on the on a podcast, or was it just with you and I at lunch, but when you talked about like how you would send communications out to all these people, and then you realize you stopped doing it and you realize that there was like you were just giving so much. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was like you made an agreement.
SPEAKER_03:I remember you talking about that. That was really impactful. I liked that.
SPEAKER_01:Uh it's it's still hard. Briefly describe that just in case somebody didn't hear that episode.
SPEAKER_05:They didn't hear the episode. I had uh I've been doing this since 2016. To preface this, it came out of a place of I think a really pure intention. Yeah. Um I worked in a company that had almost a thousand employees. And so I would call, it's called 20 on Tuesday. I would reach out to 20 people that are kind of in my sphere and encourage them every Tuesday. And it's probably about 140 people overall, and it's kind of a revolving door. But I realized it was creating relationship, creating trust. I love encouraging people. All these things are good, good, and good, right? I realized over time I was also doing it with a side intention of I love the reciprocation. I love the uh I love people going, man, Britt really does care about me, or Brit's a really good guy, or building my reputation. And I realized it was ultimately selfish. And so that realization, while encouraging people, reaching out to people, things like that are good. I was like, you know what? I don't, I don't need to do that. So I stopped. I stopped in September of this last year. And I haven't heard from 130 of the 140 people. And it hurts, I wonder. I'm like, oh no, was I um was I really not friends with these people? Yeah, and I had to realize, no, that's not it. The way that the counselor had talked to me about it, she said, Brit, you were donating blood to keep the friendships alive. Yeah, and when you stopped, there's no blood, there's no life, and that's okay. Now, the cool part is when I call somebody and encourage them or give them a text, it's still from that pure intention place, but it's not this need to feel validated to try to build up my reputation anymore.
SPEAKER_01:And so I kind of just got free of that. Well, also, too, your relationship, a relationship is reciprocal. So if you're the only one ever doing it, then you're you're not requiring anything of them, therefore, they don't have any skin in the game.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I it's it I did a lot of it to feed my ego, to be honest. And I've that was hard, that was a hard one to realize.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, did you need was that therapy that got that through, or did you just realize that on your own?
SPEAKER_05:A little bit. Um it was right, it was right when I started therapy, so it wasn't some big discovery that we made in a session or something like that. Yeah, um, so kind of on my own. But I talked about it, and it was a it was a launching off point for me to really start identifying, okay, Brett, why why did you do that? I mean, looking in the mirror, this is a this is a cool exercise. It's a little crystal hokey pokey, so you know you can make fun of me later. But you know, looking in the mirror and what is the first thing you think of, if it's negative, then there's work to be done. And so I struggle with negative self-talk a lot because there's always something you could be doing better, yeah. And there's always someone who's more disciplined, or more this, or more that, more that. And you don't give yourself credit for the things you're doing well, yeah. You only think about the things you're doing wrong, or at least I do. So when it talks about fitness, it's a pretty sensitive subject for me because I feel like it's just one of those big pillars in life that I haven't whipped or tried to.
SPEAKER_03:And I that's a that's super honest because I think a lot of people are that. I think 96, 97% of people are in the same place with fitness. And here's the crazy part in the Scary part about it is it's the one thing that you talk about a pillar being important that you can actually see results. Pleasing people, uh being cool, being all these, all these other things are all emotional, are all psychological. Fitness is one of those things that you can actually see the results, but is the most daunting piece and the most shaming piece, I think, for a lot of people, for me, for me, and I I Bart and I talk about this all the time because I struggle with it. Is how do we how do I find the middle of I'm good here, I'm good physically, I look good, I feel good, because if I look in the mirror, I the first thing I think about is how I am not good enough or how I am not there yet. Right, or all the things that I'm not doing. And it's it's honestly just this more discouraging experience than ever to try to do those things. And we constantly, there's this constant level of shame uh for me, at least, to really understand, no, it's okay. I what do I want to do? What do I want to become? What do I want to accomplish? But the rest of the stuff, if I can be mentally good, if I can be good to my kids, my family, like those are big pieces that why does fitness have to be such a shame point, I think, for a lot of men? Because it really is. We always feel like, oh, we're not there, we're never gonna be there, all those different pieces.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I think I'm not a creature of habit. I know that. In fact, uh habit makes me feel trapped.
SPEAKER_03:That's interesting.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. What would you say you are a creature of then? Spontaneity. I mean, people are like, oh, but you're so flexible and and you can adapt so well to change. And I'm like, no, I'm just I just don't like the same thing every day. Like I don't like any kind of routine. It makes me feel like I'm bored or boring. And so I like my my wife will she made fun of me and she's like, you'll start fires just to put them out and then look around for the for the ribbon for putting out the fire.
SPEAKER_03:That's pretty you're saying that funny, but that sound that like sounds like it hurt.
SPEAKER_05:I mean it's true though. Like, I mean, like I'll cause chaos to deal with chaos because it's more fun than doing what I'm really supposed to do. So, fitness for me, the best thing you can do in fitness is be consistent, which is like the bane of my existence. So I need to find something else. Or one of two things. Number one, I just need to grow up and just do it. And number two, I need to find something that I I really enjoy that I can find that it that is fun. But yeah, that's the hard part for me. I mean, it's as much and and my neck hurts. I mean, my biggest excuse is pain and all these things. But I also know if I worked out and I was a consistent, then I would have less pain. And I you know, all the evidence is there, bro.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:The the main thing is why can't I do it? Why can't I get it done? Why can't I get started? You know, why can't I be consistent? So I'm not saying I know the answer. Like I'm literally still in the journey, and I'm working on other parts of my life, and I've seen fruit, you know, it's it's it's bearing fruit. That's great. But this is the next one.
SPEAKER_03:And what in what ways are you seeing fruit bearing bearing?
SPEAKER_05:Um, like with the counseling and mental health, yeah, being happy. I I mean, I was telling you guys before we started recording. I used to have like stress dreams about work. I used to worry about it, whether I could control it or not. And I don't do that anymore. Like I'm literally, I can leave work at work, I can just enjoy time with family. I I don't over my nine's not spinning as much. Yeah, you know, with that stuff. Now, there's still other things I'm working on, but like, man, it is so such freedom to enjoy what you do, love spending time with family, and then all right, so this is my next mountain I gotta climb. Yeah, and so I mean, I guess anybody who's listening, and Bart and I have been friends for 10 years now. Um, you know, this has always been a struggle for me. And so I think this I I never did the mental health stuff until I had to really own it and do it myself. I had to want it for me, not for how it looks to other people. And then I think fitness is gonna be the next one. I have to really do it for me, or else I'll probably never do it.
SPEAKER_01:One thing that I, you know, we so you hired me at one point a couple years ago, just to kind of help coach you uh you know, in back into fitness and and nutrition. And um and you did a great job at you know, following and and and doing your best effort. I and I remember talking to you about like setting goal goals that were like at a low enough bar. I think there's a there's an excitement, like, you know, I remember just like the idea of like some hairy, scary goal, like yes, you know, like this obscene number that we that like seems so scary and impossible that like you would have to, you know, kind of get all of your like grit and guts and like to reach it, right? And this was somehow a great motivator for business, like achieving some great number or some great reward or whatever. Um but they there's more and more evidence in the lifestyle change department that like like if you if if I drink five times a week, five days a week I'm I have two glasses of wine or whatever, it's more likely I'm going to go from five to three and and and stay consistent with that than going from five to zero. Right. Or you know, or go five to three for a month and then go three to two, and then just one day a week, I'm drinking a glass two or two wine, and then then after that, zero.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, like and just that's not as fun of a story.
SPEAKER_01:No, not at all. And that's what I like. There you go. But that's the story that like ten years from now you're still telling. Right, right. Romantic.
SPEAKER_05:The romance of or the cool story of the transformation, something like that's just not as fun. And knowing that about myself, it's probably why I don't start. I think. Maybe I'm I'm kind of verbally processing that like we were talking about earlier. You never run faster than when you're running from a bear, right? So if there's a bit of fear and there's something like big coming at you, or or I have to reach this humongous thing, it it that's kind of how I've done everything. It's like go big, go home kind of personality. And I found with fitness that doesn't work with me. I'll either get hurt or I'll stop. Yeah, and I'll do great for six weeks and then I'll be like pew and then fall off. So if all the evidence is to the contrary of how I've done it in the past, it's all right in front of me, and I just haven't. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, that's I think that's really honest. So here are a few things for me. I was, I don't regret not being active in my 20s or in my early 30s, even though I could have probably been so much more. Like I look back and go, man, I could have done X, Y, and Z, but I was so sedentary. Um for me, what changed and what clicked was I'm gonna do something, it was for me, it's not for anybody else, but I incorporated, and Bart helped me with this. I incorporate the things that I love first. So when I started running, wasn't starting as running, it was I like to smoke cigars and or pipe, and I would be like, I need time away from my family, but this is the time that I can do where hey, I'm just gonna smoke a cigar and walk, listen to podcasts, whatever, just walk it away. And it, you know, I just said started out that way, and I was like, oh, that took 45 minutes or an hour, and I walked the whole time. That's great, that's productive. I was like, man, what if I got a certain mileage and it started getting in my head? Because it's I I think you talk about being bored or the habitual piece of it. It's true, there are habitual things of fitness, but it's just showing up every day. It doesn't matter what it is. So for me, I started smoking two cigars a day in the morning. This is a real true story, and I would smoke consecutively until I was done, and then that would be my end of my activity. Then I started doing, I did that every single day, and you can see where this is ultimately going.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_03:You get to the point where you're like, two is a lot. What if I just smoke one, but I want to go the same distance? And then I'd I'd smoke one, and then I'd run the rest. And then I would be like, you know, it's taking a long time. Then I just started gradually building up my speed to run this amount of times, not with the intention of ever running. It was always just about, hey, this is something I love. Now it's getting a little old, maybe it's time to change. And that's how I got into that piece of my life, where now it's a huge part of my life because I see the mental benefit of doing that every single day. And now my kids want to do it. Now my, you know, it's a part of my entire life. Is it habitual? Yeah, it's boring some days, but also like now I can play pick up soccer with my boys at, you know, these old guys that are all we're strapped ourselves together. It's a very interesting way to look at fitness that's not habitual for me. Because the way you described it earlier was, hey, I was just always fit because I'm always doing something, I'm always X, Y, and Z. It's like that's how ultimately it just has to be a lifestyle of like, hey, I'm gonna go swimming at Barton Creek today, or I'm gonna go X, Y, and Z. It's just constantly being active into something that makes that difference. That for me changed because I started with saying, you know what, I'd like to smoke a cigar, and my wife bothers me if I do it in the porch. Right. I'm just gonna walk away and I'm gonna do it on my own. And I there there's some key things to doing that, and not necessarily that's I mean, that worked for me, and it's still a struggle, and I'm still not.
SPEAKER_01:Everyone's gotta find their way, and I like that you you put two things that you well, one thing you loved, connected it with a thing that you I guess part of it was just getting away. Yeah, but you added this fitness component to it. And I think, and that's I think that's what we all have to find is you know, how do we create some sort of like purpose within the context of exercise? Yeah. You know, I I find so a lot of people like I listen to classical music when I'm exercising because that like I don't it doesn't mellow me, it doesn't hype me up, it just like keeps me in the moment. You know, and I found that that like bolero, the the song bolero, um, like I'll I can listen to that over and over and over again while I'm working on it. It's like 50 minutes of it. I'm cultured enough to know what that is.
SPEAKER_05:I know I know bailamos the game, what are they listening to?
SPEAKER_03:Because there's a fun game to play at like one of those like low scop gyms, is to look at all the people with the headphones is like, what do you think they're listening to?
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I have Bart pegged as a Taylor Swift.
SPEAKER_01:Never, never in my life have I listened to Taylor Swift. No.
SPEAKER_05:I think um I used to think that everybody had a song in their head at all times, and I realized that is not true. I'm just I just have ADHD. Or I'm a weirdo, or I'm neurodivergent or something. I was like, everybody has I mean, I'm gonna be like, what song does in your head right now? And they're like, what? Nothing. And I'm like, no, no, but seriously, tell me. And they're like, I don't have a song in my head, and I'm like, liars. Because I'm like G.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, minus Call Me Maby by Kelly Ray Davidson. Always in my head. That song really was quintessentially like the Allie Davidson, you know, Camp Gladiator theme song. What? Call Me Baby.
SPEAKER_02:Is it really?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, that when that song hit, Allie was still running book boot camps. That's so funny. It just it was on everybody's playlist. It just like synonymous with like the energy.
SPEAKER_03:I love it. That's crazy. So, okay. So I I think the better question is how has therapy changed your relationship with your family?
SPEAKER_05:Great question. Yeah. Um couple things. I come home on Mondays, and we always have something new to talk about. And it's usually very honest. It connects my wife and I together, and it's either something hard, but we're on the same side of the table talking about something hard. So just in the relationship building aspect itself, there is value of just me communicating what that's like. The self-revelation, and not every session is gonna be like this, oh yeah, crying or something big like that, but it's more kind of like working out. You did something to work on yourself, or you revisit um some kind of topic. And one of the great things about the counselor, they have notes and they talk about, hey, last week we said this, let's talk about that more. Yeah, or I don't think we dove in far far enough yet, or have you had a chance to think about it? I'm like, ooh, yeah, that's really good. Because if I don't do that to myself, then it's just never gonna happen. And so one is the relationship aspect, it's probably quite just quality time with my wife. Second, I'm I mean, my counselor just kind of gives me homework. It's like, hey, be thinking about this. Like this week, my homework is um, I have so much external stimuli. Always. Um there's always a podcast, there's always a song, there's always a phone call, there's always a and I love that because I stay busy. That's kind of my personality. I'm kind of like you know, a ticker just bouncing around from here to there or whatever. And sh her her encouragement was how about this? In the car, nothing. Just your thoughts and just be quiet and slow down. And what what are you hearing? Do you just sit here yourself? Do you hear from God? Are you asking questions? And just be still. Because I'm just never still. I think I because I don't want to be bored, I always find something to do. And I think it's just probably a good practice just to stop. It's not meditation, because I think that would be a little too woo-woo for me. But but it essentially it is. That is meditation, yeah. And so that was that was kind of my homework. So I guess the other thing, other than the relationship aspect, is the homework has me something new consistently trying to work on. And some of it might stick forever, but some of it might not. But this week I'm really trying to just not do anything and be in the car and be quiet. And what happens in that stillness? Yeah. I mean, there's so many Bible verses and things like that where God comes and whispers, not in thunder and lightning, and the big loud stuff. Sometimes it's it's it's soft.
SPEAKER_03:Sometimes in the soft whisper. Yeah. So still small voice.
SPEAKER_05:Those are the two big things that I think I'm working on with my family. Um and Christina's proud of me because I have been consistent with it, and it's something I didn't want to do. And so it's kind of proof in the pudding of like, you can, and even for myself, I I can do this hard stuff, yeah, whether I want to or not, and be consistent with it. Yeah. It's like, oh, I'm making that promise. And so I feel like my idea for fitness has never been more positive than it is now because I feel like I've hit some milestone of proving that I can. Yeah. Whether it's fitness or not. It's just that's good. It's that that's been probably one of the most encouraging parts.
SPEAKER_01:But I don't I always recommend people start fitness because of self-loathing. Right? Like you don't want like if you look in the mirror and hate what you look like, and then that's the thing that makes you like that might be an external, like a really big motivator. Like, oh, I gotta go fix this. But that like fitness can take you deep down the self-loathing path, e even if as you're getting like healthier, mentally it's a it's a rabbit or it's a hamster wheel of of continual self-criticism and self- you know. So I I I I like the idea that just listening to what you're saying of like, you know, coming from a place of like you know, we talked about work, not having these stress dreams. Like, like you don't want like I think if I was giving advice to myself five years ago when I was 247 pounds and you know, just not eating well and having a couple beers every night and not working out as much, you know, I I I would say go for it, but find a way to love yourself during the in the process. Because I think I part kind of use this like ing gross thing about me. Like and that goes back to junior high and feeling exactly that and feeling insignificant or being overweight.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, there's an agreement that you made with yourself that I am this way, and you just never stopped believing it.
SPEAKER_01:Or then when I lost the weight in tenth grade, I looked back and said never again. Yeah. And then and like because but it was really a big judgment on that boy.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I think there's an idea bear with me, it might take a second to explain this. When we were uh do you remember the the emotion uh the the little happy faces, sad faces that we have in elementary school? It's like you're identifying your feelings. I think when we're in elementary school, we have probably six emotions, and that's the breadth. It's like coloring with a with a six box of crowns. And when we get older, our life complexity goes to the 64 count, but sometimes our emotions are still only with these six hours. I think when we get older, I can be angry and uh happy at the same time. I I have we have the emotional breadth. Yeah, and sometimes we don't realize it. We think we just have to be one way or another. Like I can be ashamed of what I look like, but I can still love myself and feel like I'm worth doing this. It's not one or the other. I think we realize time we inevitably grow older, but arrested development, truly awesome show, first off. But like I know people that are in their 50s and they're still 17 in their emotional maturity. Yeah, and their number of colors that they play with is six or seven. Yeah. And I want to be a person that can hold these complex feelings even though it doesn't make sense. Like these don't blend well together, but I have and that's how I feel. And so I think it's only gonna help me identify how I can get better in the future. But I also didn't I can't be mean to myself if I don't have all those colors yet in some places. So that's good, man. And it can still be really beautiful with just the six or seven colors I have. I love that.
SPEAKER_01:And so I think that's it, especially for men, like there's not a lot of there wasn't at least in our generations growing up, uh, a lot of focus on adding more colors to your emotional pattern. Uh and so some of us I think that's in any ways I find myself wanting to add more color. Yeah, that's kind of looking back in some of the way that I handle myself in a relationship or you know, aspect of my life. I know that's a little too rudimentary and the less than definitely something that I would look at.
SPEAKER_03:That's great. Well, I think that is an awesome way to kind of put a bow on what we're talking about because I think we I I mean that speaks to me big time. I struggle with the colors, with understanding that there's more to it than just the primaries, and there's more to what we're feeling and how we're feeling, and understanding who we are to express that is huge.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I have a fun thought. Ooh, fun. I haven't I haven't asked Britt if he was willing to do this, but the Mason Murphy Brit story. Oh no. So for premium members only, we're gonna wrap this up and Brit tell the the the story that he that Mason Murphy has him tell everybody every time that there's an opportunity. The story of all stories. Are you okay with that? Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_03:All right, so premium members out there, you will get access to this amazing story for any future premium members. You're going to get it soon.
SPEAKER_01:When you sign up, we'll we'll make sure we we email two. That's awesome. Oh, that's high praise, guys.
SPEAKER_03:I love it. We'll do we'll go. Let's close, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:Uh the average listener, we appreciate you. Thank you so much. Uh jump on that. Uh, there's a link in the show notes if you want to get the extra bonus uh feature here coming up. I really appreciate you. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03:Last words, yeah. Thank you so much for listening, liking, subscribing, and sharing. We love you guys. This was Dad Bods and Dumbbells. Thanks, Britt.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks, buds. See ya.
SPEAKER_03:Peace.