ADHDifference

S2E19: ADHD Burnout & Thriving in Corporate + guest Bex O'Malley

• Julie Legg • Season 2 • Episode 19

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Julie Legg speaks with Bex O’Malley  —  a neurodiversity consultant, ADHD coach, and former corporate high-performer. Diagnosed later in life, Bex shares the toll of masking, the realities of ADHD burnout, and the strategies that helped her rebuild on her own terms.

From emotional dysregulation to workplace misalignment, from self-awareness to role crafting, Bex invites us into a conversation about designing systems that serve neurodivergent lives — not squeeze us into the wrong ones. Plus, she shares her own frameworks, including AFFEMA, HALT-HB, and the triangle check-in that helps her clients (and herself) reset in moments of stress.

Key Points from the Episode

  • Why burnout in ADHD isn’t about overwork — it’s about misalignment
  • The invisible cost of “high performance” in neurotypical environments
  • How Bex reframed her experience of boredom as a need for momentum
  • Practical tools for identifying early signs of ADHD burnout
  • What a neuro-affirming workplace really looks like (and why it benefits everyone)
  • The power of intentional pausing, breathwork, and self-awareness tools
  • Role crafting and why it matters more than ticking a “diversity” box
  • A deep dive into an array of strategies: Drama Triangle, AFEEMA and HALT-HB
  • The mindset shift that helped Bex protect her joy and energy
  • Advice for anyone stuck in the burnout-blame cycle

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ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

JULIE: Welcome to Season 2 of ADHDifference. I'm your host, Julie Legg, ADHD advocate, author of The Missing Piece, A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing, and Living with ADHD, and an unapologetic doer of many things. This season, we're turning up the volume with a global lineup of brilliant guests bringing their lived experiences, insights, research, strategies, and resources. And of course, along with a healthy dose of humour and humility. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or just curious, there's something here for every curious brain. Let's dive in. Today, I'm joined by Bex O'Malley, a neurodiversity consultant and ADHD coach, helping people and organizations bridge the gap between people, systems, and change, creating workplaces that truly work for all brains. Bex spent nearly two decades in fast-paced corporate environments before discovering that the burnout she kept experiencing wasn't about working too hard, but about working against how her brain was wired. Her late ADHD diagnosis changed everything. Now she helps teams move from self-criticism to self understanding, from masking to thriving, and from reactive change to intentional design. It's so lovely to have you on the show. Welcome, Bex. 

BEX: Thanks, Julie. I'm so excited to be joining you today. [We've got so much to chat about.] We do. We do. I'm trying to hold it in.

JULIE: Right. You've spent nearly two decades in high-paced corporate roles, but your late ADHD diagnosis was the moment everything shifted. So, can you take us back to that time, please? 

BEX: Absolutely. Yeah. So, before my diagnosis, I used to joke that I lived in a chaotic high performance environment. Like, it was just that's who I was. I was great at my job, often actually really exceptional but it always came at a cost that people didn't see. I was constantly masking, constantly I guess like compensating, exhausted from trying to operate in a world that wasn't designed for the way in which my brain works. But I didn't know that then. I sought help many different times through EAP services and because I guess, in those different moments I was like trying to figure out like am I losing my mind or is my job the problem? Like it was such an internal battle all the time. Everyone else around me appeared to get through their day with ease, but for myself, the more I took on like the more senior, I was always you know looking for more and striving and achieving more, the harder it felt to keep up. Like it was exhausting and many people said to me which I guess in a way dismissed it for me at the time that this was to be expected when you are taking on more responsibility etc. The catch, I guess, is that I wasn't, you know, like I was excellent as a senior BDM. I was amazing in market with my clients, but back in the office, sedentary, not moving, trying to use different tools, create reports, etc. Create presentations, I struggled with something crazy. I'd often be found at my dining table. I'm pointing at it because I'm sitting at it at the moment, funnily enough. Really late at night, like the day before something like huge was due to be presented. What I know about that now, however, is that I don't need a slide pack. I'm amazing, I'm a really amazing verbal processor. A side pack is simply a... become actually like a placeholder for me to help keep me kind of in flow and track and make sure that as I kind of go off on all these different tangents that I have something to make sure I'm coming back to and actually getting the key things out that I need to, depending on what it is that I'm doing. It's quite funny though because I struggled with perfectionism and everything as well. So all these things like now make sense, but back then it was just such a constant struggle. And so no wonder I was feeling you know, like something was wrong with me. Like everyone else seems to be like doing this fine. They did their presentation a week ago and they're not delivering it for another you know like what the hell. What I do want to be clear on though is that my diagnosis wasn't like a magic switch. It wasn't this, I guess, cinematic moment where everything suddenly made sense. There was definitely a moment of like, oh, okay, but it was the start of a journey for me and those around me, that I'm still on today. And I know I will be for the rest of my life because I've learned, I guess, throughout this. I was diagnosed with ADHD what are we coming up six years ago myself as a 35-year-old. And I had somebody say to me once like "Remember it's about the journey not the destination," and that like has really sat with me because ADHDers, we're very naturally externally focused. And so of course I'm naturally thinking about the destination. And it might just be something about tomorrow or a week later or a month later and for me to think about the journey, I'm like, oh, and you know, the presence and beauty in that, like I know that that's going to be a forever thing because I'm not wired that way naturally. But what really created, I guess, some of the shifts in the beginning of that wasn't the diagnosis itself. Definitely helped, but it was when I decided to become what I desperately needed in that moment, at that time, and at different times throughout my career and that's an ADHD coach. During my intensive training, I had the amazing opportunity many, many, many times to be coached by other, you know, coaches that had already done the training before me. And for me, it was my first experience being coached by an ICF accredited ADHD coach. So, somebody that was trained specifically for somebody like me. And it was in that moment that I truly began to come home to save myself and realize that, you know, someone finally understood my patterns and my overwhelm, my sensitivity, and my strength and then said to me, "There's nothing wrong with you. This is how your brain works." And I guess diagnosis gave me then the language and coaching gave me the tools that I use consistently for myself but also now in the work that I've you know, recently embarked on. So I guess this is the journey that's giving me that clarity, compassion and the confidence I guess to show up as my true self. Like I can't sit still, right? I'm..., you know, like I used to hold this energy in and for anyone that can see me like video wise, like I am a mover. It feels good. It does. And knowing yourself and having an ADHD coach, as you said, reflect yourself back at yourself and going, "Ah, no, it's okay. I don't need to hide from who I am. I need to embrace it now and understand it." As you said, now you've got the language and piece it all together. 

JULIE: Beautiful. Thank you. I'm really intrigued. We're talking you mentioned about your corporate world and you've said what looked like burnout previously wasn't about working too hard but about working in a way that constantly falls against your brain and how that was wired and I think so many people will relate to that. So, I'd like to chat to you, if I may, about ADHD burnout, what it actually looks like and feels like and why it is different from the typical kind of workplace exhaustion that we may hear about. 

BEX: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can just feel my like my entire body is just like, right, let's talk about this one. Yeah, but because interestingly enough, I found myself in and out of this more post diagnosis than pre-diagnosis. I'll come back to that. I will come back to that. So yeah, the I mean ADHD burnout, some people may talk about autistic burnout. Really let's just say neurodiversity burnout or neurodivergent burnout because the experience I talk about is definitely ADHD. It is not the burnout that we hear about in well-being slides or HR training because it's not simply stress plus long hours equaling exhaustion as you mentioned. For ADHDers burnout, is neurological, it's systemic and emotional. It's tied to the actual working environments that aren't designed for our wiring and for me a lot of this intensified and showed up post diagnosis which I alluded to because I started learning or awakening to myself and realizing, oh, hang on a minute, like why? And like, oh, why am I allowing this? Like, why is this okay? And then starting to you know, like I went go through this process of self knowledge and acceptance and then you know, you shift into this self advocacy like you know validation and then advocacy. And it's like okay well I need to be advocating for what I need or potentially still at that time what others need. And it showed up a lot in project teams most recently like I said post diagnosis. It becomes something that I was in and out of more often than I would realized or would like to even admit, especially during my most recent time at Air New Zealand, an amazing organization, but also went through like a huge amount of change in the ways of working to an agile methodology as a base way of working. And so that's where you kind of come together in teams like squads or groups and have all of these many different projects. As an ADHDer initially immediately I'm like "Perfect, I can jump in and do some stuff here and say bye and then jump in over here and do some stuff and then say bye, see you later." But the truth I learned the hard way is that you know, throughout that because I was so interested in going and doing lots of other things I kept thinking I'm so bored of my role. Like I need to find something else and yeah insert "Wow, ADHDers have an interest-wired brain" and then we hear about this thing boredom all the time and so this was almost like sneaky internalized ableism at its finest for me where I was like, "Oh gosh, I'm just bored of my role. It's me, whatever." Here's the truth though. Like, I wasn't bored of my role. I was bored of stagnation. And that was such an amazing reframe for me. So, I was constantly offering solutions, pushing for improvements, trying to move things forward. But ideas were falling on deaf ears, processes never changed. I was then, this is where the internal ableism is, I was then blaming myself. I assumed it was my ADHD boredom cycle at play yet again, that I needed to be more disciplined, more organized, and more something. Insert many a thing I'm sure everybody's heard at some point in their day-to-day. But the truth was I wasn't bored. I was misaligned. And so because my brain thrives on momentum, creativity, systems thinking, and meaningful change. Where I was, the environment required repetition, slow movement, rigid structures, and layers upon layers of approval. All things that drain an ADHD brain. And so ADHD burnout feels like decision paralysis, like the brain is doing its amazing thing, connecting, but then actually you're just like I can't land on a thing. The other one that then just throws everything else is emotional overwhelm and I talk about it as like emotional flooding because that is how all consuming this can be. And losing access to strengths that you normally rely on. Like my natural strengths of just actually being like my authentic self, and playful, and energetic and things, like I lost access to those. I was withdrawing from people because that was my safe space. Basically it was like my brain was shutting down like someone had whipped out the power cord. And it is not fixed by time off, a weekend off, or a holiday away somewhere because ADHD burnout is not personal failure. It's chronic misalignment. And once I understood that, I guess everything started to shift and make a lot more sense. The first thing for me was actually realizing, oh, this isn't me. Like, it's a journey and a forever journey. That that was just the first moment of "Okay, just take the time." 

JULIE: I am nodding along to all of the specs because you have completely described me at a point in time several years ago. Uhhuh. I too would have put it down to boredom and this was pre-diagnosis. But I love the way you've framed it as stagnation. That is so true. And because my brain is always moving and driving forward, I wanted change like you. I wanted to problem solve. Even if it was a quiet day in the office, I'd want to be able to improve things or do things differently or... and then you talked about the approval process or process or being weighed down in bureaucracy and the stamping and all those things and that slow-moving doesn't quite align. So, I love the way that you've shared that with us. So, thank you so much. Wow. 

BEX: You're welcome really. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's a big topic, but it is, it's one that needs to be really aired a lot more because, you know, like you said, and I said as well, like it's not through long hours and exhaustion. 

JULIE: Are there any other warning signs or patterns for people with ADHD that they could... you've named a whole bundle, is there anything else that they notice it in themselves that they should start having wee little think? 

BEX: Something that I started to notice in myself that maybe something others start experiencing as well, took me a bit to realize this, but I would get through the Monday to Friday and then I would come to the weekend and when I talk about the withdraw and everything, like I usually love socializing and all these different things and I just couldn't even bring myself to consider doing anything. I would have like a pretty amazing day Saturday, but then come Sunday, I noticed like I started to feel this shift in me. It was like this sense of dread and I was like, what the? And what I realized is that I was starting to dread the next day because I was going to work. And early on when I first started recognized that like you know there was other things going on for me, you know, depression kind of swallowed me up two years post my diagnosis and all the rest of it. And the last time I'd felt like that was then. And so I was like, "Oh gosh, am I, you know, do I need to tweak it?" You know, like because you're always, especially diagnosed later in life, you're always thinking, "Oh gosh, what am I doing wrong? What have I not done? What can I do? What's my control?" And so I'm like, "Oh, cool. Just increase my dose and let my GP know." And so off we went on that. However, that didn't... that wasn't it, was it? So that's something I guess to look out for is you know, because I like I said, I loved my role. I loved the organization. I love the people, but I was dreading going to work. Like, it just didn't make sense. It felt really contradictory. And so, that was really potentially some early signs for me that I hadn't really recognized because I was connecting it to something else. 

JULIE: We need to have our beautiful energy for ourselves, too. Yeah we do. Because on the weekend, we've got so many passion projects and just the joy of whatever brings us happiness. And to have that sapped away, that's not good. The good news, the good news is though today as an ADHD coach through Human Fabric, so you're helping people and organization bridge the gap between people and the systems and change and creating the workplaces that work for all brains. So, I'd love to hear more about your work and what a neuro-affirming workplace culture actually looks like. 

BEX: Amazing. Yeah. So, through Human Fabric, I get to sit at the intersection of people, systems, and change. And it's really interesting for me to find myself here because this has actually been the story of my career for the almost 20 years. But I've just never held a specific title or role that gave me the title of a of a people manager or a transformation manager or what have you. And so yeah, so I sit at this intersection because burnout doesn't come from individuals. It comes from environments. And a neuro-affirming workplace is one where people aren't having to fight themselves to succeed. It doesn't mean special treatment because quite often, you know, people think, "Oh, they're going to need special treatment or this or what have you." It means equitable treatment. And so, you know, we hear about diversity, equity, and inclusion and this and that, but then the experience is not equitable. And so for me, it's about equitable treatment and equitable opportunity to perform at your best or reach your full potential as an individual within an organization. I've lived both sides. Yes. So, like I mentioned Air New Zealand before, I've worked at some other large corporates. I was at Air New Zealand for not too, not too long ago, for four years most recently. And another large organization I work for is New Zealand Post Group. Two very familiar model brands. Like love them both to bits and you know, big presences in our home country New Zealand. So very honoured and proud to have worked there. I was with them for a total of 13 years in two different blocks at New Zealand. I was often trying to push change from within like I indicated before but the environment around me, this isn't said you know true of the whole organization, but the environment around me didn't say hold the same values that I did and so I often found myself feeling quite you know, compromised etc and eventually I was left feeling that or just realized that they didn't want "me". And so I've kind of doing this little inverted commas like my actual me like who I've come home to through all this work that I've done as an individual and realization and awakening like I've come home to who I actually am. I come to this realization that actually no matter how hard I try or break myself they don't want me. They wanted a version of me that fit their mold. That misalignment was a really big part of my burnout and ultimately you know my decision to leave when I did, really sad but clarifying moment. And so fast forwarding to the work that I do today even in the digital transformation role that I'm doing with Southerby's Real Estate in Christchurch, that's the complete opposite experience. So, I was bought into Southerby's because of how my brain's brain works. Like the owner literally said to me, "Your energy stuck with me, Bex, when we did work together 8 years ago." I'm like, "That's me." The traits that were too much elsewhere become the exact strengths needed here in the work that I am doing. So a neuro-affirming workplace looks like clarity over ambiguity. And so if you think about New Zealander's language, but in corporate in business like the amount of ambiguity that exists is mind-blowing now that I have this clarity and I can see it for what it is. It is just mindblowing. Let alone the jargon and the acronyms within each business. So clarity over ambiguity. Cognitive load reduction, not increased, reduction. Flexible ways of working. And at the moment we're seeing an opposite push and drive of that. So flexible ways of working that is a neuro-affirming workplace. Reducing unnecessary friction. Leaders who are asking "What do you need to thrive?" So, it's an individual, not one-size-fits-all for a team, for an organization, but a leader that is... has the ability to adjust their leadership style based on the individual that they're leading in that moment. Permission to regulate without shame. We all have different needs and ways to regulate ourselves if because let's be honest, you can be thriving, living your best life have all these tools and everything but there are things that are going to come up in the day and systems built around strength not sameness. So we're coming, we've come out of this industrialization era right, and that was about sameness, like rinse repeat, rinse repeat, rinse repeat. There no such thing is that anymore. So we need to build systems around strengths and not sameness. That's what I refer to there because work today and the rapid rate that it's changing, neurodivergent individuals, ADHDers are the people you need in your workforce. However it's not about bringing them in to be the same as what you've got. It's not this culture fit that you see in jobs and stuff all the time. It's culture add and it's bringing in and leaning into like what are the strengths this individual brings? And our natural strengths are so, so primed for the work of today and the future ways of working. So if I come back like when you design for neurodivergent brains it's important to realize that you're actually creating workplaces that work better for everybody. So whilst you know, you might call us a minority you know, like different cultural groups etc. You might call neurodivergent people, the 20% you know, like a minority but I'm a believer actually there's almost half the global population that are neurodivergent. It's just only 20% of us meet the really stringent medical 'things are so hard for you' model to get a diagnosis and but there's a lot more that fall into that. And there's just such an awakening happening at the moment that really yeah, it's just an exciting time. But again, it's not a switch. And so much like I talked about earlier around my own journey, like this isn't a switch, it's a journey. And we do all need to recognize that and realize that and be in the journey. And for me as an ADHDer, that's rich for me to say because I know there's hope and I know that we're going in the right direction. But it is really hard when you're in it and not seeing the change that you believe could be happening like now as soon as it... you know? Like it just feels like we're so far behind to get to where we need to. But a gradual cultural shift is what is needed because every step is going to create meaningful change even if it's just something you know, that seems really small. Because most of these things that can be done come at no cost. I mean, it doesn't cost anybody anything to be really clear on what they're asking their people to do in a workplace. 

JULIE: I love that it's a journey not only for ADHDers and the diagnosis, but also for the workplaces that they work within. 

BEX: Absolutely. That's great. We need to not create the 'them and us' because that's where that, you know, that's kind of feels like where the challenge is. It's like actually we need to be in this together and go on the journey together. 

JULIE: I absolutely agree. I've written down two things that I wanted to say. ADHDers in the workplace and what they need to thrive. Sometimes you don't know what you need. And I think this is where an ADHD coach is great because it's like "I struggle with this and this, but I don't have the solution yet." And this is where you can come in and say, "Ah, well, based on experience and what you know, what you've learned and these are some things you can consider." So I think a helpful point in the right direction from a coach like yourself would be really valuable. 

BEX: Yeah, it could be Julie and I so if you don't mind me just sort of adding on that before you go to the next point is that the coach space created is we create what I we like to talk about at Human Fabric is a thinking space because to your point like if somebody even just last year said to me like "What do you need?" I'm like a possum in headlights. So even post diagnosis and years on and post some coaching and so the importance of coaching and the right coach is that they're going to create the space for you to actually figure out what it is that you need. So we can prompt and what have you, but it's like we do usually know what we need, but we just have lost that trust in self. And so it's to help bring that back. And yeah, you're right. It's really powerful to help in those moments.

JULIE: And even in different environments if you were to change jobs or different role maybe a management role. Those situations create different challenges. 

BEX: Oh yeah we're highly elastic. We're highly elastic individuals. Very situational. 

JULIE: The other thing I was going to say you mentioned we need neurodivergent folk in the workplace. Yes we do. I'd just like to add to that to leaders and management staff that we are not tokens. We're not something to say we've ticked off the box and yes, we've got an ADHDer in our team. I don't think that's enough. We need to draw on as you said our strengths. We have such amazing strengths in the right roles, doing the right projects with the right love and care around us, you know. 

BEX: So, absolutely. We talk about in the work that you know, the work we do, different you know courses and things with some amazing organizations already in New Zealand. We talk about the need and ability for a bit of role crafting and that's you know, where all of this you know to your point like connected me for a moment. Because it's not token and you know, we see through that as well. Like we are really intuitive, right? Like yeah, like I see through what you're saying and I sit there and think, "Oh, just be honest," you know, and that's a real big value of mine. Anyway, won't go there. That's a whole other thing. But, the ability to say to somebody, you know, like a leader like, "I can smash all of this, but why is this here for me in my role?" And for them not to be like, it's a part of your job description. And for them to potentially turn around and say, "Oh, why is... why are you questioning that?" And just say, "Well, actually, I really struggle with," and that's massive for someone to be able to do, but if the leader said to you, "Oh, why is that?" as opposed to, "Well, it's your job description." You're probably more likely to say, "Well, one, like actually, what I thought I was coming on to do was this and the expectation I had is this, and I'm really good at that stuff, but you've got me bogged down doing this. Is there somebody else in the team more junior or admin or these days AI that could do that instead?" And do a bit of role crafting? That again, it will take time but as soon as we kind of experience even just a little shift in something like the whole engagement and it's not a token gesture. It's not a tick-box exercise that we've now, you know. Yeah, because it's connected me to so many other things from an intersectional point of view, right? Like, you know, like gender and you know, race like and different identities and everything. You don't, we don't want or need this to fall into that in the sense of "We have these KPIs as an organization that in our leadership team we need to have x amount of neurodivergent people." That's not at all what any of this is. Yeah. 

JULIE: Thank you. Let's... since your diagnosis, you've learned how to work with your brain rather than against it, which is amazing. Is there a particular habit or a system or a mindset that's made a real difference for you personally? 

BEX: There are many different things and like we've kind of talked about throughout the thread of this so far you know, we are highly elastic situational individuals and you know it can ebb and flow. Something that worked really amazing for me you know, yesterday may not cut it today. So just you know, do want to you know normalize that you know, as a female I have a hormonal cycle. And then you know, so different you know, energy shifts and stuff like need to be taken into account. Yeah. So the biggest difference maker for me and just checking because I made a note on this one actually so I wanted to talk about it, was has been around learning how to pause intentionally. So, I referred earlier about how, you know, naturally ADHDer are very externally focused because, you know, we're lacking dopamine and you get way more of that from like, oh, what's going on over here? And, you know, people might be like, oh, look, a squirrel, whatever, versus inside it's like, oh, how boring, whatever. And so, learning how to pause intentionally, systematically and compassionately has been a real big difference maker for me, not just kind of like brushing off and carrying on. So before being coached myself, I never paused. I lived in survival mode, shapeshifting into whatever version of myself the workplace seemed to expect from me. I often found myself compromised. Like mentioned earlier, like I really felt compromised a lot. My values were misaligned, identity was really blurred and I guess my authenticity was slipping through my fingers more often than not. So through being coached I came home to myself and I finally started to understand why this kept happening to me. And so the first thing that I'll share is there's a model called the Ditzler model of self. This was a game changer for me. I actually set it because it came up in a coaching session. It was a tool that the coach brought in and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like oh my god. I set it as my screen saver of how I'm going to anchor and hold on to that in the moment because working memory is a really challenged executive function of mine. It helped me track when I was slipping into the false self. The one I guess I wore, stay like that was accepted, predictable and liked more, and that was I guess one of my earlier signs of burnout. This is all kind of connected in the sense that you know which it is right and but you have to start learning these things bit by bit and not all at once. And so sitting as a screen saver helped me kind of track when I was you know, like if something wasn't feeling right or if I was becoming where I talked about the emotional overwhelm, like that could be me hitting frustration like way quicker than I would normally. And so then I'd be like, "Oh." And I'd see this on my screen saver and be like, "Oh, that's because actually I wasn't me. I was who I thought I needed to be in that moment," which so many people in the workplace will be doing, right? Like that's the reality. That was one of my earliest signs of burnout is when I catch myself being who I think I am needed or expected to be instead of who I truly am. That's my red flag and a cue for me to pause in that moment. And so, my systematic pause, I literally have this on my screens saver at the moment because we just need to do this. And so, my systematic pause is something that I've learned again over time through coaching, bit by bit, and become something I practiced in the moment with the coach that created and held space for me. So there's quite a few models I'll mention here. So I would do a drama triangle check in. So where am I in the drama triangle? So we have like the winning, the winning triangle in the drama triangle. But the drama triangle check is me seeing like am I in victim right now? So am I being like, oh gosh, you know, blah blah blah or am I in rescue or am I trying to fix everything for everyone else but not focusing on actually what I need? I was in that one a lot. Or persecutor, is everything a problem, whatever. And that initial check in itself is like just a little epiphany because we can be in and out of that quite a lot without realizing it. And then comes the breath work. And so basically it's like oxygenate your body and also give my nervous system a moment to regulate and for me the simple four like counting to four, four. So that is like four breath like counting to four on a breath in and then holding for four seconds. I imagine like a frame or here like my computer screen and then four on the way out and then again holding for four and just repeating and to keep it simple. I do like four, four like I'd do four of that. So it's like just a number four. And then I would run AFEEMA through my mind. Or HALTS-HB AFEEMA even. And so these are some other models. AFEEMA is the executive function. which is like Activation, Focus, Effort, Emotion, Memory, and Action. And for an ADHDer, it's around, you know, like from an activation point of view, am I struggling to get started on something? Focus is my...am I struggling to actually like, and maintain it? And so, you know, we know that ADHD or as as te reo phrases 'Aroreretini', attention goes to many things. Couldn't have put it better myself. It does. And it's the inability to regulate that attention at the right time for the right amount of time. And so, that's what focuses. It's not doing the thing. It's at the right time and holding that effort. And so effort is sometimes perceived versus real, you know. So perhaps I've got this perception that oh gosh, it's going to take so much effort. Emotion, like you know, where am I emotionally right now? And that one can flood and just wipe everything else out, you know? So if in that moment I'm like, I'm so frustrated. Don't even think about the others because they are consumed by it, you know? Like that is like for me it just wipes it all out. And memory, well short-term working memory. I'm not going to hold on to anything then if I'm flooding with emotion like you can say whatever you want to say to me but I'm not going to remember. And then action is around more like you know, self-regulation and monitoring action. So it's monitoring yourself in action and going through that. And the HALTS-HB tagged on the front is a really simple thing that we just forget about because we have a hashtag. But so the HALTS-HB is like are you Hungry? So, it's like I ask myself these questions. Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Lonely, Tired, Stressed or Sick. And then the HB is Hormonal or Bored. And I did a reframe of boredom, which you probably wouldn't be surprised to hear because of the recent conversation we've just had. But I did a reframe on boredom of, you know, perhaps actually boredom is when everything is imbalance for me. And that just helped me to kind of realize that, okay, cool. Yeah, sometimes there are going to be things that you kind of get away from doing that just are boring, right? Like that is life and the reality. And that helped me not hang up on that too much.  And then like this is a lot. So like I said, it's not just one thing and this isn't one thing that you expected to kind of have and pick up like in one moment either. You're probably hearing like this would be a journey to be able to practice this as an individual, but that is the goal as a coach. Like you are trained in this to help the individual to notice the most minute things to help them in their day-to-day. And so another key one that you and I kind of talked about lightly before around being situational is, what is the task that I'm needing to do right now? And from an individual point of view, it's like you know, like who I need to be like? What do I need to ... how do I need to show up in order to achieve that? And the environment is actually like oh so where am I right now? Am I working from home today? And so then actually maybe I am a little bit lonely and all these you know there are so many things to factor in. And I guess it's understanding like where the friction really is in that. I do a strength check because of course it's like well, what strengths can I lean into to help me get out of this? And doing that I'm like ah well there are a lot at my ready. I've just got to remember about them. So, I pull up the strength sheet for myself and it's like, okay, you know, curious. I'm curious right now about why this is, you know, like there just so many different things that just bringing this into practice can really help us with. And then the other one that I've saved for last on my little messaging here is an emotional need. So, the question that I asked myself there is what need is unmet right now? In this moment. And that's quite foreign for a lot of us to ask ourselves initially because if you've been diagnosed late in life or you may not be diagnosed but you know suspecting that's not something that you've been taught by society that you should do. And so this pause and everything brings me back to myself every time. It stops burnout in its tracks for me now. Because that would just happen to me and I'd be in the thick of it, you know, like I mentioned earlier, I found myself in it more post diagnosis than before. And I, you know, the most recent was August last year and I had to take a full two weeks off work to regulate my nervous system because it had got so... it had got so bad and I'd been ignoring my own needs for so long because I was, you know, like I picked up a mask. I figured out that there was still this mask I was wearing in that because it's like how the hell did I let that happen? I wasn't doing this yet at that point. So even a year like I knew a lot of these tools but I they were still very separate. It wasn't like a systematic pause moment where I would check in on these different things to understand potentially if something in there could help me understand what was going on. And then I guess there's my mindset and this isn't an eerie fairy woo gaga thing. It's very real, right? Like we do become what we think and things. And so I choose consciously to wear rose tinted glasses. I was going to actually grab them because I usually wear rosy coloured glasses, but I've got my black ones on today. So I choose to see the world through a positive hopeful lens. It brings me deep joy and stability in my life. It does sometimes bite me in the butt. Absolutely. But the moments of disappointment are very rare in comparison to the depth of happiness it brings me today. So there are three things I guess in that in everything that really have made a big change in my life and that's the systematic pause then that helps protect my brain and how I operate, the values aligned identity which protects myself and so that's you know like discipline of self and who I actually am, and my rose-tinted worldview that protects my joy. None of them are overnight changes is like I said, no switch or anything. They come from being coached, gaining clarity and slowly beautifully coming home to myself and trusting myself again. Thanks be speech. without knowing this or being guided through this and understanding how important it is, it's so easy to be our undiagnosed self and just battle on through. 

JULIE: So, this is the ultimate in self-care, isn't it? Being really curious about our brains. Why? Why? Why? And these prompts that you've talked about, really good, beautiful little prompts to think, gosh, where am I at? And drill deeper. [And it's okay to ask that like where, you know, it is not selfish.] Once you know what you're dealing with, then you can go, "Great, now I know what the problem is," rather than going, "Everything's going wrong or I can't do this or I always do that." So that... wow. Thank you. That's awesome. [You're welcome, Julie.] I have one wee little question before I let you go. And that's for anyone listening who might be in that familiar ADHD burnout cycle that we spoke about earlier about pushing hard and then crashing and then blaming themselves. Yeah. Simply what would you most want them to hear? 

BEX: I want you to know that you're not broken. You're not the problem. Your brain is not the problem. Your inconsistency is not a flaw. You're misaligned. And so burnout is not laziness. It's not a lack of discipline. It's not a personal failure whatsoever. It's the predictable outcome of spending your life working in ways and in environments that do not honour how your brain works. Your path out will not be a switch. It will be a series of shifts. Small, powerful, compassionate shifts that realign you with who you are. If I could tell my past self anything, it would be this. Stop fighting your brain. Start listening to it because once you begin that journey, everything starts to change. 

JULIE: And on that note, thank you so much for joining me today on the podcast. It's been very enlightening and I've learned a lot myself. So, thank you so much. 

BEX: My absolute pleasure, Julie. Thank you for having me.

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Julie Legg

Host
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Jel Legg

Co-host
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Bex O'Malley

Guest