Ep. 77 - How To Build Emotional, Physical, And Mental Resilience

When everything feels uncertain, resilience is the difference between spiraling and steering. We take a clear, compassionate look at what resilience really means—far beyond “toughing it out”—and share a practical roadmap you can use to adapt, recover, and grow through stress, loss, and daily overwhelm.

We start by defining resilience as a dynamic skill anyone can build, then break down the three core types—cognitive, physical, and emotional—and why each one matters. From there, we dive into four pillars you can act on today. 

Expect relatable examples, therapist-backed strategies, and simple prompts you can put to work right away—no fluff, just steps that build your resilience muscle one choice at a time.

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Transcript

Why Resilience Matters Now

Defining Resilience Clearly

Types Of Resilience Explained

Why Resilience Is Essential

Connection And Support

Wellness And Self-Care

Healthy Thinking And Acceptance

Meaning, Purpose, And Values

Recap, Reflection, And Next Steps

Closing Gratitude And Reviews

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Hello and welcome to the She Can Heal Podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am your host, Kayla Eldea. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy, and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their life. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing that you have unhealed wounds, habits, and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement, andor new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that lightheads thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools, and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the guilt and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place. Because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to truly thrive. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Sheik and Heel Podcast. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I'm really excited to have this conversation with you because today we're gonna talk all about resilience. And I think it's really important right now to be talking about this topic because, like I've been saying for a while, we are experiencing so much suffering, so much fear, so much uncertainty as a community, as a country, not to mention what we're going through individually, within our own circles, within ourselves. And it's just a reminder that life can be bumpy and hard. You can't always fix what's happening, but you can always learn to get through these bumps and challenges, right? And that's where we're talking about resilience. And most importantly, resilience doesn't make your problems disappear, but it makes them manageable. It's the difference between being overwhelmed and being empowered. So in today's conversation, I'm gonna define what resilience is, why it's important for us to talk about. I'll go over the different types of resilience, and then I'm going to end with how can we build resilience and really bounce back from just adversity. So let's get started. But before we get started, I'm gonna keep reminding you that if you have not rated the podcast yet, I would really, really love for you to give me a review, share your thoughts on the podcast. Again, my goal is to grow this little podcast and to share it as much as possible. And your help and your support is totally gonna help me get there. All right, so now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about what is resilience. So, resilience is the ability to adapt, recover, and bounce back from adversity, stress, or challenges in your life. And resilience refers to an individual's capacity to cope with difficult situations, recover from setbacks, and maintain mental, emotional, and physical well-being despite adversity. And it's not a fixed trait, but a dynamic process that can be developed and strengthened over time. And I think this is why this conversation is so important. It's the idea that it's not a fixed trait. You are not either resilient or not resilient, right? This is something that can be developed and it can be strengthened with practice. And we're gonna talk about that today because I truly believe that individuals can either have this built-in resilience. Like I think of myself going through so many like diff difficulties in my life and still here I am today. But it's such a great idea that even if you feel like I have not been resilient in my life, maybe I've gone through really difficult things and I've just let them basically like overcome me, that you're here today and that you can learn how to be resilient. And I think again, right now, in these times that we're living right now, we really need to build that resilience because this is gonna be the difference between you kind of getting through these challenges with strength, with with courage, versus engaging in really unhelpful things to get through these really difficult times. And resilience allows people to face challenges with flexibility, courage, and confidence, helping them navigate life's uncertainties and recover from trauma, illness, or stress. Because again, challenges can come in many different ways. For a lot of us, it could be just the stress from financials, it could be the stress of the government, it could be stress from family, or it could just be, you know, going through illnesses and just things that we go through that can be really traumatic for ourselves. All right, so let's talk about the different types of resilience. I thought this was just important to for us to understand that resilience really has different kinds of categories. And the first one is called cognitive resilience, and this is the ability to maintain mental performance and problem-solving skills despite your stress or brain-related changes. So, again, this is about the emotional piece, right? Us being able to really like get through these challenges, problem solve, and to really like understand how to really get from point A to point B in the best way possible. We have physical resilience, which is the capacity to sustain physical function in the face of illness, injury, or age-related decline. Again, this is all about really taking care of our physical selves because our physical selves is just as important as our emotional selves. Well, stress really does affect the body, so it's important for us to really build that physical resilience by really taking care of our bodies. And then we have mental or emotional resilience, which is the ability to maintain psychological well-being and adapt positively to adversity. And this is gonna be the difference between having someone who can really like go through something really difficult, like maybe a car crash, and two people can process it differently, where one person might get the effects of trauma from it, meaning that they are going to be scared to get in a car, they're gonna be scared to drive a car versus the other person, they don't view it that way, and it didn't affect them in that way, so they can get in a car right away. Yes, it did affect them, right? Because we're still human beings, we're still gonna be shaking up, but one person is more resilient in the way that they are getting through this challenge versus the one that really has been affected by it. Maybe they they fully get PTSD from it and they need to go through, you know, maybe some therapy or go through, you know, a little bit of time before they can get back in a car. So cognitive resilience, physical resilience, mental or emotional resilience are the three types of resilience. So let's talk about why. Like, why is resilience so important? So I'm gonna talk about all the different reasons why it's important. So resilience is crucial because it enables individuals to adapt, to recover, and to grow from adversity, supporting your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Going back to the example of the person that got into our car crash, right? One person was able to recover pretty quickly and grow from that, and then just like problem solve going forward, depending on what happened. The other one did not and needs a little more time to recover, needs a little more time to really get back into the routine of things. So that's the difference why resilience can be really important. Additionally, resilience allows individuals to bounce back from challenges, learn from negative experiences, and to set realistic goals, ultimately leading to greater health, happiness, and fulfillment in life. Very similarly to what I just said, right? One person can bounce back from this car accident with very minimal effects on themselves versus another person. And as a therapist, I see this as well. While there's certain people that develop traumatic effects from different situations, physical, emotional, sexual abuse, while others actually grow from it because they've learned to adapt and they've learned to recover from the experience that they've had. So the importance of resilience, number one, it helps you cope with challenges. So resilience empowers individuals to effectively manage stress and adversity, reducing the negative impact of these experiences on their mental health. It enables people to bounce back from setbacks, whether you're related to, whether it's related to personal relationships, work, or health issues, right? So again, it's reducing the negative impact of these experiences. Not to say that it didn't affect the person, it just reduces the impact on that person versus the other one. Or again, it helps the person to recover so that they don't get affected and maybe they don't develop post-traumatic stress disorder or they don't develop depression or anxiety from it. It promotes mental health so resilient individuals are better equipped to handle anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. They can regulate their emotions and they can seek support when needed, leading to improved overall well-being, which is what we truly want. That if we go through really difficult situations, that we have the capacity to really work through these challenges and seek help and not feel that we are alone in this. Number three, it fosters personal growth. So resilience is not just about recovery, but it's also about personal development. So individuals who cultivate resilience often find new strength and abilities as they navigate challenges, leading to a greater self-awareness and growth. So these are individuals that have gone through something really difficult, but they've been able to learn and use the lessons from whatever they go through to really look at life going forward. Number four, it enhances problem solving skills. So resilience encourages proactive problem solving and adaptability, which are very essential skills in both personal and professional contexts. This adaptability can lead to better decision making and increased success in various areas of your life. Problem solving skills is really, really important. And so many times, if we can really like learn how to problem solve ourselves through these situations, it is going to reduce the chances of us really being impacted in our mental health physically and emotionally. And number five, it builds stronger relationships. So resilient individuals tend to have better social connections and support networks, which are vital for emotional health. These relationships provide a sense of security and belonging, further enhancing resilience. Of course, this is another really important aspect of being a human being, right? Is having strong connections with others and really being connected. So if resilience really helps us in this area, this is another example why these are really this is really important for us to really adapt. Okay, so now that we understand what resilience is, we understand the different types of resilience and why this is so important. As you heard, it is so important because it helps us just to cope with challenges, it helps to better our mental health, it helps to foster our personal growth, it enhances our problem-solving skills, and it helps us to build stronger relationships. So now what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna talk to you about the key components of resilience, and after each one, I'm gonna share with you what you can do in that area to improve your resilience. Okay, so it's actually going to be four different areas that I'm gonna go over with you today, and in under each area, I'm going to give you specific action steps that you can take to build your resilience. So the first area is connection and support. And I put this one first because this is probably one of the most important areas as human beings is being connected, is having social support in our lives. That's gonna be the difference between you feeling able to really rely on someone else to really help you through this challenge and not feel like you have to do it alone versus someone who is isolated and has no one or has isolated them so much, or sometimes people just say, like, I don't want to burden anyone else, so I'm just gonna take this on ourselves. And we've learned that that is just not healthy for us. So, connection and support. So it says building strong relationships with empathetic and understanding people provides emotional support and a sense of belonging, which strengthens your resilience. So, what can you do? Number one is don't isolate yourself and try to cope with your struggles alone. Instead, identify who your support circle is. Who are the people in your life that you can rely on for support? This can be emotional support, such as processing a hard day, right? You're coming home and you have a hard time, or maybe you're faced with a really difficult situation and you want to talk it through with someone, or you just want to release it and not have to hold on to it. Maybe it's social support, someone who you can invite out to do something fun or recreational just to distract yourself and to give yourself some space with what's happening instead of just staying home sitting with all these problems. Or someone who can you you can rely on for tangible support under hard times. Maybe it's getting a ride to an important appointment. Maybe you are just going through a financial difficult time, and who can you rely on to really help you out this week? You know, this week I'm really low on money, and I could really use some help just getting some basic groceries for the month. Some people find that being active in different types of groups, such as a faith-based community or other local organizations, can provide social support and can help you reclaim hope. Research groups in your area that you can turn to to that offer support and they can give you a sense of joy when you need it. This could be either a support group, it could be like a church group, it could be a women's group. Sometimes it could be something as simple as like a book club. Just basically, it's just to provide you with that social support so that you don't feel alone. Maybe if you're going through a specific situation, maybe you are going through grief, maybe you're going through a divorce and you're going through a really difficult time, reaching out for a group, like a grief group, a divorce group, a woman's group, just to get that support and here be surrounded by other people that are going through what you're going through so that you don't feel alone can be really helpful. So, again, this is all about reminding yourself that in order to get through hard times, you don't have to do it alone. That's actually not going to be the most helpful for you. Reaching out to people that you can trust. And again, sometimes that's friends, family, or sometimes that is more, you know, different types of groups or even therapy groups, maybe even reaching out to work with a therapist so that you can get that one-on-one support. So thinking that you have to do it all alone is not the way to do it. And so looking for ways that you can connect with others and get that support is going to really help you to really get through these hard times. Number two is wellness and self-care. So physical and mental health are crucial in helping you to get through difficult moments. Stress is physical as it is emotional. So when you're not feeling well physically or you're running on empty, you're gonna be less likely to get through difficult moments well. So taking up care of yourself is very important to build resilience. So this is basically saying that you have to have a strong like vessel, right? Think of your body as like this vessel that you have to protect in order to get through hard times. I think of like a boat, right? And a boat is a good example because if you don't take care of your boat and you go out into the water, there's gonna be a chance that your boat is gonna happen to me once years ago when we first got our boat, where my husband was really new at this, and we were out in the middle of the river and hit we hit like an I think we hit a rock and then we needed help. Someone had to pull us back in, right? Now that's not gonna happen because he has all these extra securities in place because he learned from that. He said, I never want to be in a situation where we're stuck in the middle of the river and we can't get back to shore, right? So think about your body as this vessel that you have to protect, that you have to take care of so that when tough times come, it's there to help you to get through it. So take care of your body. I always say you must first have a solid foundation in order to thrive. It's one of the things that I always talk about when before we go into any type of therapy, you know, strategies is how are you taking care of yourself? This means taking care of your body, exercising your body regularly because your body needs movement. It is very important to help your blood circulate and all your organs working well. It's having adequate sleep, and I think this is one of the areas that people like they underestimate so much, but having adequate sleep is so, so, so important because it really helps to help your body to recover, it helps your body to you know to do the work that it needs to do to help you to be physically well. Proper nutrition is so vital because what you put into your body does make a difference. You know, the difference between, you know, having fruits and vegetables and protein versus having processed foods that are filled with seed oils and like sugar and all of that, and it really does not help your immune system. So, having proper nutrition, all of these things are vital and can strengthen your body to adapt to stress and reduce the total emotions like anxiety or depression, right? Because if you're not well, you're not gonna be good emotionally, you're not gonna be able to sustain stress and it's going to affect you so much more. Also, during stressful times, it's our immune system's job to keep us safe. And if we're going through so much stress and we haven't really taken care of our bodies, then our immune systems are not gonna be able to like protect us as much. And this is where you see people getting sick a lot when they are going through really difficult times. So taking care of your body is really, really important. Number two is self-care, and self-care is much more than bubble baths and massages, right? It gets a bad rat. True self-care means that you're prioritizing the habits that make you feel good in your mind and in your body, and that means that you're doing practices such as like gentle yoga, meditation, gratitude, journaling, going on mindful walks, all of these things can help you feel resilient when times are hard. If you're having a really difficult moment, pulling out the journal and just processing what you're going through, or doing a self-love meditation to really help yourself, to give yourself that love to get you through those tough moments and just moving your body. Like exercise is so good when you are stressed. It helps you just to build up those endorphins and make your body feel good. So, really thinking about self-care as the habits that are going to maintain you well, that are going to help you to feel good emotionally, that are good make you good physically. So making sure that you're taking care of yourself and all these aspects are going to help you to become resilient in times of hardship. And number three is avoiding the negative coping. It's maybe easy to want to numb your pain with alcohol or drugs or any other harmful habit, but that's like putting a band-aid on a deeper wound. And sometimes that could create other problems, right? So instead, we want to focus on giving your body the resources to manage stress rather than looking to avoid the feelings of stress altogether. So instead of trying to, you know, overeat or turn to alcohol, go back to the self-care practices, do something that's going to help you in the moment and going forward. Do not put yourself in situations that are going to continually make you feel worse and worse and worse. That's just not going to be helpful to us. Number three is healthy thinking. So resilient individuals practice rational thinking, optimism, and problem solving. How you think can play a huge part in how you feel and how resilient you are when you're faced with some type of a challenge. So here are some ideas. Try to identify areas of irrational thinking, such as the tendency to catastrophize difficulties or assume that the world is out to get you, right? And adapt a more balanced and realistic thinking pattern. Which this can be really hard, right? When you're going through really tough times, if you've lost your job, it's easy to say, like, why me? Right? I never get a break. Like, life is just like trying to get me. It's easy to go there, but if you think about it, how is that going to help you? That is not going to help you. That's going to cause you to be stuck in this suffering, in this really pain. And when you're stuck there, you're kind of in that fight or flight, and you're not going to be able to think rationally and make the moves that you need to make. So try reframing your negative thoughts and consider alternative explanations for stressful situations and focus on what you can control. Again, if you just lost your job, think about, you know, giving yourself some time to just process what happened, take care of yourself, going back to physically, right? Take care of yourself, make sure you're still taking care of all your basic needs so that you can have a more clear mind to take the steps you need to take. Maybe that means you need to update your resume. Maybe that means you need to apply for unemployment benefits, right? And moving forward to what you can do versus being stuck in the why me. Second thing is accept what happened. Acceptance is huge when it comes to adversity and really becoming resilient. Using acceptance can be a great way to view your situation. This does not mean that you have to agree with or be okay with what happened. That's a big myth, right? That if I accept what happened, then it means that I'm okay with it. It doesn't mean that. It does mean that we accept what happened because it did. Staying in that mindset of what if only keeps you stuck in the suffering like I just mentioned earlier. And it doesn't allow you to move forward, right? Because if I lost my job, me being stuck in the what if, screw them, like why did this happen to me? Is that that's just gonna keep you stuck there, right? But if you say it sucks that I lost my job and I'm really, really upset and I'm nervous, but what can I do to start moving forward? What can I do to secure a job? What can I do to take the next steps so that I can, you know, move to the next step and not be stuck here? Acceptance is always a really difficult one, especially when I talk with clients about it. Because again, it's thinking that if I accept it, that means I'm okay with it. And honestly, it's all about saying, I accept that it happened because it did, and now what do I need to do moving forward? And lastly, use optimism. So optimism is going to help you to reframe setbacks so they feel less permanent by seeing a problem as temporary rather than forever. You're much more likely to keep trying or to get into that problem-solving mode, right? Again, going back to the lost job, it's saying, you know what, it sucks, it happened, but also I know that I can secure another job. Or maybe this is my opportunity to try something different, right? It's kind of having that little optimistic look to say, this bad thing happened, but also I know that I can keep moving forward and something is going to change in the future. And the last area is meaning and purpose. So having a sense of purpose or aligning your actions with your personal values is gonna provide you motivation and direction during difficult times. So one of the things you can do is identify your core values. It is hard to find meaning if you don't know what you stand for. Your values act as a compass during a storm. So what you could do is you can write down three words that define you. Or sometimes what you could do is go online and look at a list of values and really identify which ones do you align with, which ones really speak to you. And whenever something bad happens, you can ask yourself, how can I respond to this in a way that honors my value of? It could be courage, right? It could be strength, and this is going to shift your focus from the pain to your character. So if I'm a person that has a value of courage, then this thing happened to me. What can I do to be courageous in this moment versus just again being stuck in the what-ifs and not allowing yourself to move through it? So identifying your core values is a really important one. Another thing you could do is adapt pro-social activities. So one of the fastest ways to find meaning is to help someone else. It moves you out of your own head and into the world. So find a small way to use your experiences to help others. For example, if you struggled with burnout, check in on a coworker. If you felt lonely, volunteer for an hour. Helping other people provides a sense of agency, that feeling that you can still make a difference even when things are hard. I mean, I've seen people like this where they are going through so much. Like, I have a client myself who she is, she goes through so much. Like, she hardly makes any money, she went through this difficult divorce, her children are adults, and they don't really help. But like, she's just like, she's just goes through so much, and I feel for her. And this person, like, literally, out of the goodness of her heart, she will. I've always seen her virtually, and she would just drop off random things at the office. One time she made a fresh bag of egg rolls, one time she sent me a gift card, and the last time she just sent we she we just had a conversation. She asked me if I like tea. I told her I'm more of a coffee drinker. We would just have a normal conversation, and before I know it, my coworker says, Kayla, someone just dropped this off for you. And she doesn't even wait, she drops it and she goes. You know what I mean? So it's it's one of those things where this is a person who goes through so much, but she has such a big heart that she still gives back, she still does something kind for someone else. So doing that can be really helpful. It can really help you to get out of your own situation and really help someone out. So these are the five, four, right, four things that you know I think could be really helpful. Again, just to review them connection and support. So, again, building strong relationships with people to help you through difficult times, wellness and self-care. So, really taking care of your physical and your mental health to help you when you are going through a really hard time, healthy thinking, so really learning how to use helpful thinking patterns, acceptance, optimism to again get through these really tough times. And lastly, is meaning and purpose. All right, so that's all for today's episode. If today's episode resonated with you, don't just listen and don't do anything about it. It's important to take action, especially if you feel that you need to strengthen your resilience muscle. So, review the four key areas of resilience. And again, I'll remind you once again connection and support, self-care and wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning and purpose. And think about for yourself what areas do you notice you need the most work? What is one thing you can do today to start taking action on that area? Maybe it's connection and support. You realize I really don't have a good support circle, and maybe this is your opportunity to think about who in your life you can reach out for support. Or maybe you think maybe you start looking for a group that you can be a part of can be helpful for you to feel more connected. Maybe it's meaning and purpose. Maybe you could start with identifying your core values so that you can be clear of what is important to you. Either way, do something to help yourself build resilience so that you can get through difficult moments with strength and with courage. Personally, when I think about myself, like I said earlier in this episode, I think that I am a pretty resilient person, but we're not perfect. And I know for myself, reviewing and researching this episode really helped myself in learning ways that I can build more resilience in myself. For example, I think social connection is one of the areas that I probably struggle with the most, and just being open and letting people in and relying on other people for support is something newer for me. And so we can all learn from this, we can all identify what areas do I feel like I need to work on? How can I become more resilient? And again, it's really identifying, you know, these are some really difficult times that I've been with, and how have I handled them? You know, if you notice, I noticed that this stressful situation happened and I really turned to unhealthy eating. And it didn't make me feel good, it made me feel bad, it made me feel, you know, like not good physically. And so maybe it's really focusing on the self-care and really identifying that these are the things that really help me. So I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that you learned from this episode, and I hope that you're gonna take action on what I've talked about today. Because again, I think that right now it's so important for us to really learn how to be resilient and how to build that resilient muscle so that we can get through life's challenges because they're gonna come. And we need to learn how to just be brave, be courageous, and get through these moments the best that we can. And again, thank you so much for listening and being here with me today. And I will talk to you again next time. Take care. Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode packed with valuable tips and insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women just like you. Thanks for listening.