Boy Mum Energy: DJ SP on Raising Three Sons, ADHD & Finding Yourself in the Chaos

This week on The Parent Playbook, Nyah sits down with the incredibly warm, refreshingly honest and genuinely inspiring DJ SP — also known as Sian — and this conversation is one you are going to want to save, share and come back to.
Sian is a lot of things at once. A full time mum of three boys aged 16, 13 and 7. A DJ with six years under her belt and her own all-female event series, The Antidote, now in its third year. A specialist SEN school worker with a background in playwork and early childhood studies. And someone who, without even knowing it, left a mark on Nyah that she has been waiting to talk about ever since.
Three boys. All of their birthdays 16 days apart. Let that sink in.
Sian gets into what it really means to be a boy mum — the full on energy, the deep love, the very different challenge of raising three completely different personalities at the same time, all at different stages, all with different needs. Her eldest is on the autistic spectrum and is now thriving in college studying gaming design — but getting there required Sian to check her ego, challenge what she thought a school was supposed to look like, and ultimately trust her instincts as a mother. Her middle son is navigating his teenage years and expressing that he wants more independence. And rather than shutting it down, Sian is meeting him exactly where he is. That takes a very special kind of parent.
They also get deep into the SEN conversation — the denial that some parents go through when their child is first flagged, why mainstream school does not work for every child, what the Scandinavian education model does differently, and the honest truth about what specialist schools actually offer families beyond just the child.
And then there is the ADHD conversation. Sian opens up about starting to recognise the signs in herself — and Nyah shares her own experience of being told by a migraine specialist, completely out of nowhere, that she had it too. What unfolds is one of the most relatable, funny and genuinely eye opening exchanges this podcast has had. Because understanding the why changes everything. For you. For your kids. For the way you parent.
Add in a lockdown side hustle that accidentally became a career, a cat that started joining the dog walks and got chased out of Richmond Park, a wall calendar next to the bed that is the only thing keeping the whole operation running, and Kizzy's question — which Sian answers beautifully — and you have got yourself an episode.
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If this conversation sat with you — that's the Purple Print doing its thing.

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I'm Nyah. This is The Parent Playbook by Trybe. And I'll see you next Wednesday.

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Transcript

Cold open — understanding what you want for your kids

SPEAKER_01 0:00

At this moment of time, his dad's not in a position to take him. So it's kind of been tense in the house. But I moved out at 16, so I'm like, okay, well, how can I change my parenting now to help him?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Some parents like really try to put it off, accepting that for a very long time. Um like is that something that you come into contact with a lot?

SPEAKER_01 0:20

My son, he kind of started showing signs that he might be on the spectrum from like nursery school. When people are really reluctant, it's it is hard.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

The parent playbook.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

The parent playbook.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Hey everybody, and welcome to the parent playbook by Tribe. This is a space for real conversation about

Welcome & introducing DJ SP

SPEAKER_00 0:45

parenting. So if you're looking for the highlight reel and the perfection and all the glossy stuff that you see the influencer mum's doing on Instagram, then this isn't the podcast for you. We're about authenticity and the realness. There's no manual, there is no instruction, but I'll tell you what, there is the purple print. Today I'm joined by an amazing woman who do you know what? This person actually touched me in a way that she probably doesn't really know. And I will get into it a little bit later in the conversation. But without further ado, I would like to introduce DJ S Boo. Like I always say this if we're the studio audience, isn't everyone will start, you know? Go, Jerry, go, Jerry. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm very, very appreciative to have you here. Um, would you like to introduce yourself and tell the people who you are and what you do? I mean, I think the DJ bit was a little bit of a game.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

A little bit of a little bit of a game.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Yeah, introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Okay, so I'm DJ SP or Sean is my name. Um I'm a DJ. Um, also a full-time mum of three boys. Um God, you've got three. Yeah, three boys. Um I work in an SEN school as well. Um, primary age children. So yeah, pretty. No, but you have three. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

I I didn't know you had three. I didn't know why I think you had one, but you have three.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

No, I've got three. And how old are they? They're 16, 13, and 7. Oh, their birthdays are coming up. They're actually all 16 days apart. So I've got the first one, yeah, then 16 days later, the next one.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

And then that's really that I'm a real numbers freak. So you know, like when you have numbers and stuff, that really do something to me. Like the 16 must symbolize something. Something. Something. And boys as well. So you're a real boy mum. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

How do you find that? Um full on. It's full on. Um very active, boys are very active. Um, they're also very

Being a boy mum — full on, full love

SPEAKER_01 2:30

loving as well, though, in their own ways.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Yeah, I see that. And I do know what I feel like as an adult, seeing adult mums with their boys. Yeah. When I say adult mums, because we're adults, I mean like older, like okay, so my adult male friends, yeah, seeing their mums with them, there's two different types of mums that I've seen. And there's some mums that are like, they pour into their sons so much that when their sons get to adults, they're almost like their partner. So then when they move get a wife or a partner, the mum gets a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, and then it gets a bit weird. Like, uh, yeah. So how do you feel like, you know, how would you, how do you perceive yourself to be when it comes to the time to let your do you know what I mean? Like let your son into the arms of a woman. Is that is it weird?

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Not necessarily into the arms of a woman. I mean, even like just into the world. Okay, it's just yeah, I think that's probably like my first thought when I think about like them growing up, them stepping out into the world by themselves. So, yeah, but into the arms of another woman, I mean, I just I just want to make sure that I raise good men. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

But that's beautiful to hear. Some mums are like, no, I remember like when listening to my um mother-in-law speech at our wedding, and she was pretty much like, and he used to be my handbag. And it was like listening to someone that had divorced, you know, like the heartbreak. It's like it sounds great, but then in the same stage, it's a lot of my this is my son, yeah, you know what I mean? That's definitely. So, yeah, and I have a daughter, so I don't really know.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Um Yeah, yeah, and I don't have well, I mean, I've I've slight experience with looking after a girl. I had um my son's daughter come and stay with us for a while, so I was um like foster caring for her for a little while, but she's your son's daughter, yeah. No, sorry, my son's sister. It's gonna be like, yeah, not yet. We're not there yet. Okay, okay. I mean it's okay if you are, but not yet, not yet. But um, yeah, so but yeah, my main experience is is having boys, and yeah, I've always been quite a bit of a tomboy myself as well, so I found it a bit I think easier having them, yeah. Yeah, and then when I was looking after my um son's sister, I had to take into considerations like different things, like hormones, yeah, putting like a bin in the toilet and stuff like that. That's crazy, yeah, yeah, yeah. All stuff I didn't really consider before, but yeah, I think I'm I'm happy being a boy and mum. I think it suits me and my personality, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

And I think as well, I thought your children choose you, yeah, you know, so it's like, yeah, you this was meant to be. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

That's how it feels, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Okay, so talk to me about the DJing. Um, you know, and obviously, like you have a full-time gig doing your SCN work, which is really impactful

All three birthdays 16 days apart — the numbers don't lie

SPEAKER_00 5:00

and empowering, because a lot of schools don't actually have the support that they actually need in that particular area. Um, but talk to me about the DJing first, because the DJ is really exciting. Um, so you booked me for your female event, um, which was sensational. Um, I really think that it is important that we put each other on when we're in the female, being a female in the industry. Um, there's not a lot of slots because normally it's like one girl or two girls and then 20 men. So the fact that you've done an event that was all women, I just thought was like really, really inspiring. So when you reached out to me, it was something that I said, oh no, I would if I have the time in my time today, I definitely would want to do it. Um, so yeah, well done. I thought it was really, really good. No, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

So yeah, I started out basically, I just kind of saw a space in the market for it, and I thought, you know what? Um, so it actually started off as live streams. So I was inviting other female DJs to come down, we've live streaming, and it got to a point like and we was like, let's just do an event and see who's actually gonna come down and support. And it just went from there. So yeah, it's been three years now of the antidote. Um, I've been DJing myself for coming up to six years now. Okay. So what made you start DJing? Um, it was lockdown. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lockdown buffs, so much creativity, you know. I secretly wish we had another one. Just like a little one, just yeah, give us six months off. Yeah, literally. Um, but yeah, I just um thought I'd just get it for fun. Um, I've done a couple of live streams at home. I wasn't actually planning on becoming a DJ at full time, but I started getting bookings off the back of that, and it just kind of went from there. So I thought, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

So have you always had like a love for music?

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Yeah, yeah. I've always like played around um like with DJ and but I never had equipment myself. I used to go to like friends' house at friends' houses. Um but yeah, music has yeah, always had a big a bigger part of my life.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

So yeah, music is like something that people like everyone can relate to music. Yeah, yeah. You know, like a one song can take you back 20 years in a blink of an eye. And I think the older you get, the more you realise, like, you know, I remember the song, you know, sis goes phon phone phone. It's like when I hear that, I go back.

The invisible load of managing three completely different personalities

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Yeah, come back. I remember what kind of clothes I was wearing. Yeah, it was definitely in the two for 20 mum Wembley market, stretched jeans, you know, like there's so many things that you don't realise one song can just be soaking. It's very nostalgic, isn't it? Yeah, it is nostalgic. And I feel like being coming from the funky house era, it's like I never thought that funky house would be like old school funky because I was in the middle of it. Yeah, so now when it's like, oh yeah, we're doing old school funky, I'm like, old school? And then like, oh, come out.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah, yeah. I remember seeing you perform actually at Fridge Bar once.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Oh my god, fridge fridge was crazy, but I loved fridge. Yeah, yeah. I feel like fridge was um the real music, like I can't explain it. Like the out of all the raves, like there was one I used to go to in um Hackney called Hackney Central. Don't you remember Hackney Central? And they used to do funky raves there, but they were empty because no one was really into funky. It was like as soon as the funky room was open, there'll be like three or four people there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but fridge, I just remember walking in there and it just felt like the energy was crazy in there. Yeah, definitely. Like I'll like I think that's probably a place I would love to have revisited. If I could revisit that energy, I would run a revisit that because it was just yeah, it was so good. So talk to me about how you manage your diary, because you said you have a seven-year-old. So that is definitely still you're still in team management. How do you manage what you're doing? Like, there's um there's a big thing online at the moment about the invisible load that mums carry. And it's all of the things that live inside your brain that only you know, and even if someone is gonna come and help you, it still starts in your brain first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, how do you manage having a full-time gig, raising three boys, and then feeding your creativity via your DJing and your events all at the same time?

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Yeah, I've I've had to literally find ways to manage it. So it started with me um just putting stuff in my phone, like in my diary, but that wasn't enough. Like, I need visual things. So I've actually got a wall calendar at that. It's right next to my bed, so when I wake up, it's going on. Um because yeah, I was finding it difficult at first, especially like with um after lockdown. Obviously, then I was DJing, going back to work. Um, my son was probably about four or five, my youngest one. Um, so yeah, starting to trying to juggle like all those different things, it was difficult. So um yeah, just just visual, visual prompts really helped me. Okay, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

I think a lot of creative people really work well with the visual, like seeing it. Yeah, um, and somebody was talking about once you write it down, although it's still in your head, it's a little bit less in your head. So it's almost like a dump of okay, so if I get it all down, then it's one load that is not just living rent-free. Yeah, I'm definitely a big fan of lists.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Yeah, lists out, ticking things out.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Okay, but let me ask you a question. Do you write the list after you've done the stuff? Sometimes. Yeah, yeah. And then I and then you can tick it off. Honestly, sometimes I've done so much, I'm like, oh no, but all the things on my list I haven't done, but I've done this stuff. That's really weird. It's a strange satisfaction, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

It is satisfaction. Yeah, and I think it's a feeling accomplished, you know? Yeah, just that. Even if it's a small thing, I mean, because like you said, there's so much to manage and juggle, so just getting small things done can feel like a huge accomplishment.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yeah, no, you're you're definitely right. And I think managing three young humans is that's an achievement in itself.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, they're at different stages as well. So, like I said, my eldest is 16. So, how do you cope with that? Well, they're very

How Sian manages her diary — wall calendars, lists and the power of visual planning

SPEAKER_01 10:30

different personalities as well. So, my eldest, he's actually on the autistic spectrum, so he's not like as social, he doesn't really go out as much. Whereas my now 13-year-old, I'm starting to get all those things with him because I feel like I'm getting like the real teenage experience. Right, right, right. Okay, he wants to be out with his friends. Yeah, so um I mean it's I guess I find I try to find different ways to manage because they are different in their personalities, different ways to manage them and um encourage them to develop as into healthy human beings, you know. But yeah, that they are all very different.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

So then, okay, so how do you I've only got one, so I don't have like I don't I I've just got one little child's needs and they're loaded. Like for one person, I'm like, why there's a lot of things that you need. So in my head, sitting here listening to you, is like, okay, cool, but then you have three children, three different personalities, and then that comes with independent needs of each particular one. Yeah, and then you have the needs of yourself on top of that, and then you have the needs of the house, and then you have the needs of your your creativity, so your business, your antidote, like the DJing, and then you have the needs of your actual full-time job. Yeah, like it that's a lot of that's a lot of place to spin. Like, how do what is the coping mechanism for that?

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Um, to be honest, I feel like I put um a lot of my personal needs on the back burner, and I feel like a lot of mums do, to be honest. Um, parents, let me not generalise mums, but a lot of parents.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

It's okay, we can talk about mums. We ain't got nothing against dads. I interview dads as well, but I'm telling you, sometimes people are like, oh no, you're man bashing. It's not man bashing, this is just mum's perspective. Yeah, yeah. It's okay, we're we're allowed.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Yeah, no, it's it's um yeah, I guess just um yeah, putting my needs on the back burner, and also like when the when the kids go to bed and there's that few hours before I go to sleep, you know. I'm just like trying to re-regulate myself, and at the minute, um, I'm kind of finding that's my only time. Yeah, like in the morning when I wake up, it's straight. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I've got a dog as well, so I'm out. I'm walking the dog. I come to the door. Did you lose your dog? No, no, no, no. What happened? Oh no, so my cat, I've got a little cat as well. Yeah, he's decided he's got to start coming on the walks as well. So he just follows us. Um, and he came into the park with us, and another dog chased him out.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you put it on your Instagram, and I'm sure you had your purple bonnet on in your video that day. And that's what made me look. So I thought, is that me? Because I'm like purple. So I was like, and then I watched it, and I'm not even a cat lover, but your video made me want to go out and find the dog. She was so sad.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

You said, listen, he was like, the dog chased the cat out of the park, and then the cat was just gone. Because the man, like, he deliberately let like he saw my cat, and I was quite far at the time, so obviously he wouldn't have thought like we were together. Yeah. So yeah, he let his dog off and it ran, and it just ran somewhere. We haven't walked before. How did he how did he come back? He just came back eventually after three hours.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah, you're lucky. Yeah, just heard him at the door. He came home, he's like, let me in and don't take me back to that part ever again. So you are you sound like you're a glutton for punishment because you have three kids and a dog and a cat. And a cat, yeah. That's crazy. And they're all boys as well. The pets are they all boys as well? No, the testosterone in your house must be large.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

It's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot. Um, but yeah, but yeah, back to yeah, so in the mornings, literally just on the go straight away. Um I mean, I guess when I'm walking the dog, uh being outdoors is good for me, definitely. Um, I'm quite an outdoorsy person anyway. So even though

The Antidote — building an all-female DJ event from lockdown live streams

SPEAKER_01 14:00

the time is less than what I would like to spend, I'm still taking that down as well. Yeah, and the boys aren't always keen to come on the walk. So yeah, that's kind of free to talk to me about.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

So you work it, did you decide to do work in a school with S E N because of your eldest son, or is this something he was already doing?

SPEAKER_01 14:17

No, so um, so my background is in playwrights. I used to work in adventure playgrounds. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. From from like literally really young, like 16. I was volunteering at home. Okay. And then up until I had my first son at 21, um, and I'd actually worked my way up to like senior playworkers, so I was like setting up the activities doing the rotors and everything, and took a break because I had my son. Um, after my second son, I went to uni and I studied um early childhood studies, just learned a bit more about child development and um like policies and how um childcare is in different countries and stuff, and then with that information, I then started to work in the school. I was doing one-to-one work with SEN child in a mainstream school in reception, and I just found it difficult because um I feel like in mainstream school they want all children to be at the same level, learn the same way, and I could just see for myself it's not gonna work. Yeah, so um then I wasn't there for too long because I fell pregnant with my third son, but after that, like break it, break it, break it, get them, get them going literally after everyone as well, with mums as well. It's like you have to take a reset after each child. Yeah, yeah. Okay, now I've got time. Obviously, lockdown happened during ten as well. So I'm like, all right, what am I gonna do? I can't really do playwork anymore because of the hours that really suit, I can't really do after school and like half-term and holidays, which I was doing before. Um, and then I saw this role in a S E N school, so the whole school is an S E N and yeah, I've I've been there for four years now, and I just really love it. I think I like the aspect of um like working around what the child's needs are.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Yeah. Um, do you know what it's like? It's really interesting to talk about the needs of children that are S E N and I feel like some parents when they have their child and there's this first little glimpse of, oh, you know, your child might be on the spectrum, it sounds very like parents get very tight and it sounds negative, and some parents like really try to put it off accepting that for a very long time. Um, like is that something that you come into contact with a lot? And what advice would you have for parents that might be the suggestions might be there, but they're just you know, they just feel like they don't want to accept it.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

I wouldn't say I've had that experience at um the school I'm working at, but in my personal life with my son, his dad has found it very difficult. Yeah, um my son, he kind of started showing signs that he might be on the spectrum from like nursery school. Okay, um, he was diagnosed quite early, so probably by the time it was like five or six. Um but there's there was kind of the constant denial from the get-go, and I tried to explain in different ways, you know, and um send information, but I've just found that when people are really reluctant, it's it it is hard.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

It's just kind of got to leave them to figure it out whether they're in speed. I think um like I remember my in my daughter's first school, she had there was quite a few different children in her class that were on the spectrum, and she found it quite difficult because some of the children were non-verbal, some of them were quite violent, she'd actually been hit quite a few times, and the school didn't I feel like they didn't have the funding to have the resources that the children need. And I thought, and I yeah, it's and I didn't blame the school, do you know what I mean? But then at the same time, it's like as a parent, you want your child to just be in a normal school. Yeah, because you don't want to say that they're not in a normal school, but then how effective is it then being in a normal school that doesn't have the resources that could actually bring the best out of them? And something that you said earlier on really it was just was really loud to me is the fact that mainstream school want all children to just navigate at the same speed, in the same style, the same way, and every child is different. Yeah, like when

Six years of DJing and the music that started it all

SPEAKER_00 18:00

I was at school, now I realize why I I didn't really do well in certain things because I'm a creative, yeah. I want drawing, as you said, visuals, I want painting, I want dancing and drama and anything where I'm sat in a room with a bright light, having to read, it it wasn't for me. Yeah, but I was labelled as disruptive, loud, um, the jokestar, because that was my way of dealing with my how I felt in the moment. Whereas all these kids that are being made to travel through an old school way of learning, yeah, actually isn't to their benefit. And some children are academic, man, and they thrive in that environment, but there's a lot of kids that just don't. Yeah, it just doesn't matter. It just don't, and it doesn't mean that they're dumb or they're thick or you know, it just means that they are gonna be able to flourish in a completely different environment. And how do you find that right environment for your child, especially when they're all at different levels? Like it's it's a lot. Yeah, like I ended up taking Kizzy out of the school when I moved her to another school because for her that environment wasn't working, and now she's in a school that is very, very academic, but she is she's thriving at her levels, and there are SCN children in that school, but they have the resources. Okay, yeah. So she's under she understands it, and she's you know, she it's it she came home and was like, Oh, yeah, you know, something something so-and-so's got ADHD. I'm like, Huh? Yeah, what is ADHD? How do you even know what that is? And she's like, Yeah, because they've got ADHD, you know? I'm like, okay, so it's like they've taken time to explain it to the children in the school, so everybody um can you hear the alarm? Girl, this is the alarm club. It's time for the kizzy question. SP, I have a very not nine-year-old who wants to be involved in everything that I'm doing. She knows I'm doing a podcast and she's got a question for all the parents. Her question is, and you have three, three sons. So you can pick one of your sons if you want, but it's what is your favourite hobby to do with your child or children?

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Uh definitely. Um, with all of them going outside. I love going to Richmond Park. Oh, really? Going into the park, just being surrounded by nothing but nature and them not having access to technology and just being creative. Um, we've been doing that for a long time. So it's hard with the older ones now, but it's nice to get them out.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

Yeah, I feel like that is a beautiful thing because it's it's nothing. It takes nothing. Do you know what I mean? It's not like uh yeah, you're not relying on anything apart from maybe a little bit of decent weather and the outside. We love Richmond Park. That's the one with the um raindeers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We go through there at Christmas quite a lot to see the raindeers. And when you drive all the way through, it's like, oh my gosh, how can this there's so much nature in the middle of the city?

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Like it's so big, like you could spend hours in there. Yeah. I took my niece there the other day as well. So it was their first time going.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Oh, really? Oh man, that's nice, man. Yeah, Richmond Park. I was trying to think of is there another part that we go to? There's a part that we I take my daughter's bike riding in called Osterley Park, which is quite nice. It's not that big, but we get to ride in like the forest bit, which is yeah, it's uh I'm not really outdoorsy outdoorsy. Like, I don't even like the sand of the beach. Yeah, you know, I'm like, I'm one of those people. I'm like, can we say about the pool? Hey, we didn't want to see. I'm like, I've definitely been bit in the water before PTSD. Very, very, very shaky. Um, but okay, yeah, it's lovely. I will be I'll let Kizzy know. Um so yeah, so back to the support um for the children. I, you know, it is it is really tough, you know, it's really tough. But I think that something that is amazing now is having access to technology that can allow you to be able to figure out things to do by yourself at home. Yeah. So not relying on the way that they have formulated things in a school as your only resource to help raise your children.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Because I mean it's like it's kind of I wouldn't say it's only like that in this country, but when I was at uni, that's when I learned about other countries, especially like Scandinavian countries like Norway, Sweden, they cater their education system to the children.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Well, how do you do that?

SPEAKER_01 21:57

They pick up on what children are good at.

The cat, the dog, the park and the chaos of a full house

SPEAKER_01 22:00

And what their talents are, what their skills are, and they adapt the learning to that. So if they're like more inclined to learn mathematically, like they're kind of focused on that. They're more creative, like they're focused on that. That's amazing. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

And you'll think now with technology, they would be able to do that in our classrooms. Because it's, you know, everyone's using Chat GPT, babes. Like these just upload the school report. How can I do learning for this child? But I feel like, yeah, it's definitely over here, it's about budget. And I do honestly believe as well that we are in an environment that teachers and our children are being taught to just be amazing workers. Yeah, yeah, definitely. You know, like it's not really about nurturing them to step into a life of happiness, involving what they love and what they want to do. It's all about get a job, go to uni. Like my daughter asked me about uni the other day. I'm like, uni. She's like, yeah, do you want me to go to uni? I said, what is uni? This is a I don't know. I said, uni comes after college and it's learning for another four years. Yeah. And she said, okay, well, I think I'd like to go to college. Why? Because they're all talking about it in school. Why are you talking? You're nine. Why are you talking about college? Yeah, and it's like, you're gonna learn all of these things that in 10 years' time, nobody might not even need anymore. Yeah, is that so it's a we're really at a weird space with our kids because it's like, how do you encourage them to not be like we don't want them to not learn, you know, but at the same time, it's like learn what?

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yeah, yeah. I've kind of always been like with my kids, I've I've said the same to my kids really. I was like, school's not for everyone. Um, me, myself personally, I thrived when I went to college and I could pick what subjects I wanted to do. Um, with my eldest, he went to a mainstream primary school, okay. So he was scouted for a new school that was opening that was only for um children on the autistic spectrum. Okay. Um, I was a bit reluctant at first because I was like, oh no, I kind of want him to have like to be in a straight normal thing. And it's not normal. You know, I hate when people you know the word normal, it's like mainstream things. I was like, no, because that wouldn't even suit him anyway. Like his personality, yeah. If he wasn't coping well in the classrooms, he would just end up in like this one inclusion room and he's working there. So, but he really thrived when he went there. It was smaller um class size in his again. They kind of because it's a um a specialist school, they're kind of adapting the learning and stuff like that. He's in college now and he's doing gaming design and he's really thriving, and he's really um focused on kind of what it is that he wants to achieve and do, which is that's his style, yeah, yeah. So um, but with my middle one as well, I I'm suspecting he's got ADHD. Um, again, like you said, like with yourself. Well that we all have. Yeah, yeah, basically.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

No, but I feel like the majority of people have it, they just probably don't realise.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Yeah, yeah. My my doctor said he thinks I have and he thinks I'm on autistic inspectrum as well. And I'm like, but where can I what can I do with that inference? This age.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

But you know what you can do, like if you have an understanding of the why, it makes the process a little bit easier. That's true. Yeah, like for a long time I didn't, I never knew that I had ADHD. Um and I went to see a migraine specialist, and he's talking to me, you have to have this big interview about the migraines, we're going through everything, and then the end he leans in, he said, So what but what are you taking for the ADHD? And I said, What and he said, What are you taking? And I said, I got ADHD. And he looked me dead in the eye and was like, Oh, you don't know. And I said, I have not got ADHD. And in my head at that time, ADHD was the mad kid running around, skidding on the floor, doing a matter. Like I didn't understand that it was just a new neurological, I can't even say the word. Anyway, it's very neuro and it's just the way your brain is wired. It's just a different. And there's like, I get on the wrong tube a lot. I understand the tube map like nobody's business. Danielle's in the back of there, she will concur. If you want to get anywhere in London, I could tell you, I'll go and I'll be able to map it out the quickest route, but I get lost on the tube. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. I get on the wrong trains, I'll go in the wrong directions, I will sit on the train and realize, oh my god, I'm in the wrong place all the time. I booked the wrong flights, all the time. Yeah, the amount

Working in a SEN school — Sian's background in playwork and early childhood

SPEAKER_00 26:00

of times I've booked the wrong dates, like I'll yeah, I've even booked the wrong date for this room, okay? I booked a wrong date for an event. I turned up at Barclays for a whole event. They didn't have it in the calendar. I was a month early. Oh god. But me now understanding the way that my brain computes information, I don't blame myself anymore. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, that's just the way, okay. Yeah. And I think that for me, knowing that helps me in everything that I do now because I'm able to assess why maybe I'm not completing or why this isn't working or why I don't understand. Yeah, yeah. Like, and even that Chat GPT has been great because I'm able to say, this is what I want to do. Yeah. But how do I do this for a person that is this brain type? Yeah. And then it will break it down. Even with like certain things script-wise, like I can't read from an auto cue. It's not gonna work for me. If you write me a list of questions, I'm never gonna stick to them. So, but now I know I'm better with prompts. Just give me a bullet point and then I can flourish. So you're gonna be able to do that without an understanding of self. Exactly. It would just allow you to, yeah, just be more patient with yourself.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yeah, I hear that definitely, because it's since it's been brought up to me. And it's actually been since I've been DJing, because this is like kind of one of the first times I've expanded my social circle, and a lot of people said it to me. So that's when I started thinking, what do you think? Yeah, and also it just feels kind of negative in the beginning. You're like, what are we trying to say? And then seeing a lot of stuff online, I'm like, I relate to this. So and I'm like, oh, every everyone's saying just everything's ADHD, it's just everything.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Everyone is saying it. Yeah, but but you're right, everyone is saying it, and sometimes it's like, oh god, here we go again. But then when you see that post that hits and connects, you're like, yeah, but it's this is this is me. Like so, yeah, I would like, I know that I know quite a few people that actually take medication for ADHD. I'm not on that part of my journey, um, but I know that some people need it just to just to commit, just to regulate, just to have some kind of normality and schedule. I feel like, I feel like I lean into my the craziness and I like it. Yeah, because it's like, well, yeah, if I didn't have it, I don't want to take it away. This is my magic power. Sometimes, what am I doing? Yeah, they're just me. You know, so no, I think it's definitely worth exploring. Um, and as I said, I just think it's just an understanding. Yeah, um, and then also, especially with your children, you're able to then look at them and understand that they may have DNA strands that are similar, and then you're able to just understand how to meet them where they are with whatever it is they could be struggling with.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Yeah, I think that's definitely the point I'm at now. I'm like, okay, now I'm seeing it like in my own. Well, obviously, my eldest kind of new, but my middle one, it's kind of been like within the last two years. Okay. And also when um I was caring for my son's sister, that was two years ago as well. She's um ADHD as well. So I was reading up on it as well. Because you're doing your homework. Like, I need to know. So, especially like with females, because I um I always see that females get diagnosed later, they find it easier to mask. And again, I'm reading stuff now.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

And a lot of it gets blamed on hormones as well. They're like, I know it's hormones, your tweens, it's your pre-teens, now you're a tween, or do you know what I mean? It's always something, and it's never like actually it could be something else. Yeah, it's quite, but it's you know, something that is inspiring is a fact of you're doing your homework, you do your research and you're understanding it, you know, and then you can just meet whoever it is where they are and have a clear understanding. I feel like when I look at um my daughter, I see like I wouldn't, I wouldn't label her as ADHD, but at the same time, it's like when I see I have her iPad open, and it's like she's on FaceTime to her nan, and then she's got a thing here in the corner where she's doing a game or something, and then there's something here she's doing, and I'm like, oh yeah, bro, this is this is mania. And like initially, I'd be like, no, put that all down, just concentrate on one thing, and then I go back to Naya in the classroom being told no, yeah, just one thing, and just feeling like death. Like, no, like I can't. I need to, you know, I need to do a few things at the same time. So I'm learning to be like, okay, cool. Well, if that's her vice, if that's how it is, then you know, as long as you you're playing chess in the corner, okay, cool, something constructive, we're not on roadblocks.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

I put the kids to bed, like sometimes my 16-year-old he'll come down the

When parents resist a SEN diagnosis — the denial, the difficulty, the grace

SPEAKER_01 30:00

stairs, open the kitchen door, and I'm just there in the darkness. I got my I'm doing stuff on my phone, I've got the laptop over here, and I'm writing bits. But you okay?

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Just having my thing. Are you okay? So talk to me about the kids when, like, so you just said you're downstairs, you're in the dog, you're doing your thing. How many times are the kids interrupting you? Like, do you feel like you get interrupted a lot?

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Quite frequently, yeah. Um, and uh sometimes I find it difficult as well. Um, like having that interruption, because it might be an interruption for something I need to step away from doing what I was doing to go and do something else. So sometimes I find that difficult. Um, as the kids have got older, I've tried to give them a bit more responsibilities in terms of like doing housework and stuff like that, but that's not always here, you know. It's not always you gotta go and redo it literally.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

It's funny, do it. Like, I don't know how the how boys are, but like the first time you give them something to do, I feel like this is kids, they get so excited. It's like, wow, that's amazing. Like I told my daughter to um change her duvet and stuff, yeah. And I said, I'm gonna come and help you. I folded it all up on the bed. I said, just strip the bed and then I'll come and help you. I was doing something, came back, she cut the bed. She managed to change the whole thing herself. This is eight years old. Yeah.

unknown 31:07

Fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

It's not gonna be on my list anymore. Two weeks later, here, change the bed. Oh, I can't change the bed on my own. I said, but you've done it already. She said, No, I can't. Mum, it's too, it's too much, it's too hard. I said, listen, I've seen you do it before. That's your mistake. You show me your skills, do it again. The child, I'm suffocating, I'm suffocating, I can't do it. So then you're right. It's like, oh, make it more work for me. But we start deliberately doing stuff like the wrong way. Doing stuff I'm gonna wash out properly, I'm gonna leave you.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

But again, I think probably that's just for us to have patience and say, okay, well, you're gonna have to do it again. Yeah, you know, and then so they understand that oh, but if I don't do it right the first time, she ain't gonna clear up after me now. I actually have to get it done. Um, but it is hard sometimes as a mum, you just want to just get it done yourself, man.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

I'm always like remind not reminding them, but telling them like I was doing this at this age, because I feel like things are very different in it. It's extremely different, yeah. I um I actually moved out at 16 as well. When my ask is 16, yeah. I'm like, not that I I don't want him to move out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always said that to them, I don't want you guys to move out. But I'm just saying, like, obviously, I was having to do this, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

So you guys looking after yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

But um just kind of look at me like whatever. Yeah, you're this allow here, I ain't going anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

But I think there's um like it is it's a tough balance balancing act because it's like, yes, I want you to be independent, I want you to be able to survive by yourself, but you don't have to survive by yourself. So it's that mixed communications, it's like you know, I want you to be able to do all these things, but no, I'm still here, I'm still gonna help you. And like it's it's hard, you know, and I feel like trying to have them learn and be independent, but still be your baby all at the same time, must be them, it's just the hardest space to be.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

It is hard. Uh so with my middle one at the minute, so like I said, it's going through a lot of teenage stuff at the minute. Um, he's actually expressed like very recently, so this is very fresh going on at the minute. Like, yeah, um, he's not happy being at home, he's because he wants to go and stay with his dad. And okay. Do you think as a boy thing? I think so. Um I think so. But for me as a mum, I've always said like I know there's only so so much I can do as a woman, honey for three boys. Like, I've always said that, and the door has always been open for their dads to be a part of their life. So um it's I found it difficult hearing him saying that, but at the same time, I'm like, okay, how can I um help him? Yeah, yeah, basically. Um, but unfortunately, at the at this moment of time, his dad's not in a position to take him. So it's kind of been tense in the house, but I'm trying to think, okay, what because like I said, I moved out at 16, so I'm like, okay, well, how can I change my parenting now to help him? So I said to him the other day, like, right, if you're so desperate to leave, let's think about what you can do now to start setting yourself up. I was like, I don't want you to, but if if this is like what the path you want to go down, how can I help?

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Well, you're amazing. Honestly, never in my heart. No, but what you're but the what you're saying is everything that is not gonna make him run in the opposite direction because you're giving him Yeah, but it sounds like you're giving him a safe space to become himself. Yeah, you know, and as you said, as a female raising a young man who's now he's turning into his manhood, whatever, however they want to say it, it's like there is only so much that you can do. Yeah, you know, and the fact that he is expressing, oh, I want to I want my life to look like this right now, it's not a negative, and that is a positive in your parenting because that is you raising a young man that is able to express himself. That's dope. I'll take that out. Yeah, but that's dope. Honestly, there are there are kids that don't talk to their parents. Yeah, their kids, your parents don't know what their kids are doing outside. Do you know what I mean? So to be able to have a son that's able to come and say, Yeah, mum, this ain't really my thing no more. Yes, it's heartbreaking, but it is a testament to your parenting at the same time. So, what did they say? Clock it. What did the kids say?

unknown 34:55

Clock it!

SPEAKER_00 34:56

No, honestly. Okay, so just we're gonna wrap up soon

Why mainstream school doesn't work for every child

SPEAKER_00 35:00

because I've chewed your ear off for long enough. But what is your advice to the parent that is at a space where their child was in mainstream, they have um extra needs, they're being offered a situation in an establishment that is not in mainstream school, and they are thinking how you were thinking, like, well, no, I want my child to be in a mainstream school. What is your advice to them in terms of making a decision that is best gonna affect their child and probably not suit their ego, you know? Because I feel like this lifetime, we spend a lot of time soothing our egos and what we feel like it's gonna look like and feel like, yeah, and sometimes it gets distracted and masked, which then could maybe not benefit the child as it could benefit them.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Yeah. Um I I mean, for for my son, um the school was just opening, so we didn't get a chance to go and see it while there were children there, while the teaching was happening.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

That was even harder. Yeah, so blind.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Um but I think just prioritising your child, like deep down, you know what your child's personality type is like um and what their needs are. It is hard sometimes to um put aside what you think you know is best and just try to try to I I think for me, I try to put myself back at that age and what would have worked for me at that age, how would I have liked to have been dealt with, and yeah, I think how would you thrive exactly. So um, yeah, I think if you can just go and get to check out schools, speaking to other parents, definitely um getting their experiences. Um even if you know anyone that works in SN directly because they might have um information and advice they can offer. Um speaking with your child definitely getting their views, I think is is definitely up there. Um and yeah, just allowing them to thrive. Don't be scared. Don't be scared.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

I feel like that is a top tip, don't be scared. And with and it's changing. Yeah, like do you know? I feel like a lot of my well, if when I think special needs and S E N, it's like you go back to the 80s and the 90s of the bus that used to come around, and it was very like scary. Do you know what I mean? So I feel like that is probably the image of a lot of the millennial parents, parents, whereas it's just not that anymore. It's not.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

I think the main thing, and what I really like about my school, the focus is on the child and how how to help them, whether that be helping you learn how to do your zip art and helping you to write. Um a lot of the kids are non-verbal. Um, so yeah, just just just know that the school is there to help with your child's development and they help out families as well. It's not just limited to the child, they will um refer you to different agencies and stuff if you need support in other departments. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Yeah, well man, thanks, SP. Well, before you go, I'm gonna share one last story. Okay. So last year I decided that I wasn't gonna do music anymore. I was gonna take a hiatus. Um 2026, no perform, no more performances. And my last performance was SP's event. And I posted up that I wasn't gonna do music, and she sent me the most heartfelt message as if her event had made me give up music. Yeah, oh my god. And I read it and I was like, what? No. And it really made me understand that the perception of what you put out into the world can be perceived in so many different ways, and sometimes conversation and all the time, really, communication is so bloody important. Yeah. Because we spoke, and I said to her, Oh nah, nah, nah. And then if anything, your event was so good, it was just I felt like it was leaving on a high. Yeah, you know, it wasn't that I performed and I had an awful time. It was I performed and I felt like, yeah, this is it. Yeah, I need a moment because your event was great. And I'm actually gonna add the link to the footage because I've been saving it. Um, because it was, it was absolutely amazing, and it gave me everything that I needed. It gave me clarity and it gave me room

Sian's eldest thriving in college studying gaming design

SPEAKER_00 39:00

to understand that this music is gonna live on. Yeah, with or without Naya's little performance, it is actually gonna live on, and what you're doing is amazing, and please, you have to keep doing it because there are so many other female artists out there that need a stage, they need a platform, they need a safe space, yeah, you know, and they need to know that you can do this, and it doesn't have to be the Wembley Arena, doesn't have to be, you know, the O2. Because when you're an artist, sometimes you're searching for that thing. Um, it doesn't have to be that. Because when I performed at your event, I I went home extremely happy. It was it was great. So 10 out of 10, okay. And that is why I led with in the beginning saying that you really inspire me. Um, so your message inspired me as well, because it made me really just check the way that I articulate myself and what I put out because everything has made somebody feel some type of way, even when that that wasn't my intention. Um just glad that we spoke. Um so yeah, anyway, that is it. Thank you so much for coming. Guys, guys, now that like this is why I do the parent playbook in the first place, is having real conversations and talking to people that have real advice and real tips and that are really in the trenches. Three sons, absolutely amazing, and she's so inspiring. Guys, if you want to check her out, I'm gonna put all of her details in what do they say in the link down below. And yeah, thank you so much for listening, and we'll catch you on the other side. The parent play book.