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Awareness and mental health tools for moms in all seasons of motherhood:
Links to all the extra good stuff:
FREE Postpartum Masterclass Sign-up
Join Our Newsletter Email List
Rushing Woman’s Syndrome Book HERE
Join our email community + get instant access to our awesome Sleep Freebie: HERE
Browse all our favorite women’s supplement recommendations: HERE
Submit your answer-on-the-show questions: HERE
Subscribe to the podcast to catch every episode. Follow us on Instagram for all the extra education and antics in between episodes at @beautifulonemidwifery
You are back at home with Kelly and Tiffany. I'm your host, Tiffany. I'm your other host Kelly. And this is an episode for me. I wrote this episode specifically for Kelly, some of her behaviors lately, I thought, you know, when really passive aggressive way, I could try to handle this with her. Let's make a podcast about it and tell her the things that she's probably not doing. Actually, I will say I feel much more emotionally stable. That I have in months past. I'm happy to hear that I am currently really working through some things personally. I did know that. I was going to take it all on myself. Yeah. I'm I'm in a deep. Personal growth, dive. Hmm. That's great. That's a good thing. There's things that I want to see change on. I want to change in some ways and. I wouldn't say that. Mood swings are the top of the list of things I need to tackle, but. Some of the stuff that I've been reading and listening to lately is just reminding me of how it's all connected our emotions, our overwhelm, our ability to cope, what we Allow in our lives, the boundaries we have with ourselves and relationships, et cetera. Really got me feeling like I wanted to do a specific episode on mood swing support, because I think mental health stuff for women. Is getting more and more talked about, and we're actually getting really good about discussing that postpartum. But. It goes beyond postpartum. Right. Yeah, it absolutely does. And I think that there are a lot of things that women maybe just accept or assume, I guess this is just how it is. Or this is how motherhood is. Or like, yeah, it must, it must be normal because I'm not the only one experiencing it. Right. But it's actually. Killing us. Right. Like, I mean, literally, obviously, but figuratively too. It is really cutting down so many spaces of abundant life that we could be living and enjoying and leaning into. And I'm excited to chat about some things today. Great. I hope you take some notes. I will. And then I'll and then I'll give them to you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So in my first pregnancy, that was actually my very first experience with rage. Like real crazy mom rage. And I remember this particular time. That I just like went off on my poor husband. Because something didn't get cleaned up. Right. And it just created this overwhelming task for me. I think it was like, Snacks that got left in a backpack after being at the dumber fair or something, I'm not holding onto details of this encounter. That's just what it may or may not have been about. My record of wrongs. But I remember thinking while I was losing my mind about this particular thing. Oh, I'm acting crazy right now. I'm not, I can't stop it, but at least I can recognize it. Yeah. And something just in me just needed to like throw this tantrum. And so of course there's a lot to be said about what you're experiencing biologically and hormonally and pregnancy issues and big, and so many ways. But. I really did not know that that was just the beginning. Of some really difficult emotional regulation that was going to happen in my life for the next 13 years and counting. Yeah. There's nothing bigger than helping you see your emotional, maybe dysregulation. Then being a parent. Because you're trying to instill the idea of emotional regulation in your children, and you're realizing it as you're like yelling at them about it. Or festering in your own frustration about it, but you are not actually doing the thing that you are trying to encourage in your child. And it just like hits you in the face that you're like, wow, there's some serious dysregulation, like some serious healing that I need to be doing here in these spaces. Or some serious depletion that's happening in other ways and all, I mean, there's a million different reasons. And that's, what's exciting about being able to talk about this is because yes, of course there are some people who actually need to like need. To go see somebody and process through some things and, you know, get life skills. But sometimes it really is. You know, what you need is like you're depleted in these things. If we try to work on that and we tried to balance these things in this way, all of a sudden you start to see some freedom from that, in that. Is really cool to see. Yeah. And I was learning as. As I was raising toddlers, especially because they will just test the emotional boundaries of your life every single day. Right? What. There's something so frustrating about being around tiny people. 24. Seven. But I was learning as I was teaching my toddlers, how to. Appropriately demonstrate their emotions, what to do about them. I was actually really talking to myself through those things too. So I just want to encourage women who find themselves in that space of like, yeah. I'm not proud of the way that I'm handling. Mood swings and outbursts, et cetera. But you are really good at walking your kids through it. Let's take some of those, you know, notes for ourselves and be thinking about. How we deserve that same kindness for ourselves and walking through some of those habits. You know, it's funny. I I just got curriculum for my youngest. Who's going into kindergarten. And one of the pieces is about naming emotions. And understanding that like, Angry can also feel like scared sometimes or scared can come out. Like. Angry. You know, whatever. And I was like, oh, this is. Like this is, yes. We're talking to a five-year-old, but like, yeah. To be able to pull back and be like, what is this emotion? Why is this rage feeling this way? Why am I, why is my reaction to feeling overstimulated this way? Why is my disappointment coming out in anger or frustration rather than. I can, I feel sad for a second, you know, all of those pieces, it's like, oh, it's a really convicting. It really gets to gets ya. Yeah. So let's talk about that a little bit, because I think one of those, one of the important pieces of emotional literacy is having that self-awareness self-reflection and being able to name it. And I think there's a lot of really, really angry moms out there that do not identify with that piece of it is anger. And I think if we're missing that piece, if we're not able to dial it all back down to. I'm actually really pissed about some of this circumstance in my life. Then we're kind of sugarcoating the solution to if we're also dumbing down or morphing. The emotion itself. So I hear women say all the time. I'm just irritated or disappointed. I'm just, I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated. Well, I'm exhausted. I'm not, you know, I'm not mad. I'm just really tired or I'm annoyed or worried or confused or overwhelmed. And of course there's layers to anger. Right. But really all these pieces are kind of coming back to for the most part, women who. Are really uncomfortable with not having the type of control and comfort that they are accustomed to, or that would be easier. To deal within your life and little kids will just absolutely bring you to the brink of discomfort and. Being out of control. A hundred percent. And I don't know what, I don't know. I'm trying to think about it because. Maybe we don't want to identify it as anger because anger is such like a big, like heavy thing. And we're like, well, it sounds better. To other people that like, even though what's coming out of my mouth is anger and what's coming out of my, you know, physical movements. Is very angry, light. I'd rather, you think I'm just feeling overwhelmed than like that coming out as anger or it's very stigmatized. Nobody wants to be a mad or angry person. When we think of an angry person, we think of like the. The guy that's like in his truck that has like road rage and is like honking at everybody on the freeway or something. Right. We don't think of like the mom who just can't get hurt toddler to put her shoes on. Right. Yeah. And so I think it's I think that's an important part of moving forward is being able to identify them. Most of your mood swings are because you're angry. Yeah. Oh, and there's yeah, like you were saying, there's so many layers to that. Like Y Y Y you get down to it and you're like, oh, dang. There's a lot to process then. Yeah. So one of the books that I read recently, it was called rushing woman's syndrome and it goes into all of the details and facets and considerations of. Why women are feeling so completely. Out of control so easily upset. And like, we just do not have margin in our lives. And the experience of mood swings, the experience of. Mental health issues, the experience of just general overwhelm, this author explains as we're just constantly rushing. We have put our body into. Fight or flight every single day in multiple ways. And it is just not needed or necessary. And it's causing all of these health issues. I do recommend this book to women who are interested in learning. More about how your health has potentially connected to the. Your lifestyle approach. I am rethinking a lot of things. I don't know if I necessarily. Identified as being somebody who rushes a lot. But when I think of what causes me the absolute most stress of anything that I will encounter in my day, It is when I'm trying to do something or get somewhere and there's some kind of barrier and it's usually my time management. It's usually my own, like now I'm rushing because. I haven't given myself enough time to X, Y, and Z. And so that is just how I'm accustomed to running my life. And that's because I'm making things important that are not important. It's because I'm. Not having good. You know, structure in my own schedule it's cause I'm willing to cram an extra thing in there because that feels like the good right thing to try to experience something more, lots of ways to kind of like unpack that. But. See, if you can identify with this particular problem, you're fatigued. You feel pressure there's overwhelm. You're trying to do too much. There's not enough margin to like have breathing room in anything that you do or say or participate in or feel. You have a lack of emotional control. You're serving from an empty cup. It just feels like there's nothing left to give, trying to keep up turning to unhealthy habits to cope. Blaming others, taking it out on those around you crying easily, shouting to get things done around you. Things feel out of control. You're not getting what you want and need your locking perspective. And so while I was processing this information, you know, for myself in my life, I'm just thinking. Is is peace and being present. What is ruling my life right now. What at the end of the day, can I say. My priority was having peace and being present in my day. No. No, I think that that would be the most common answer, probably. I think it's really difficult to maintain that level of intention and how quickly all of that can just kind of chaotically get away. Yeah, absolutely. And I think the problem. Also then you're experiencing these things. Which point to, yes, this is why you're feeling this way. Right? Like these are pieces that Are either structured in your life or maybe not structured. And they're just, you know, kind of a snowballing. And this is a very common response to it. And, but then you feel either you've lashed out or you've given into your moodiness, right. And then all of a sudden you're like, and now here comes this cycle of feeling so guilty, so much shame over that. Like I cannot get it right. As a mom. I am not doing enough. And then you go into this cycle, then you try to like, will yourself to like, do better. Right. But nothing is changing in your circumstance. Nothing is changing necessarily in. How you're mentally processing it or shifting things so that your family. Feels more peaceful or whatever, and then you're back in the cycle because it happens again. Right. And that feeling of guilt and shame and just the overwhelming feeling of like, gosh, I can not get this right. As a mom is a terrible feeling. It's a, it's a terrible pit. It is. And so I just want to remind the women who were listening and identifying with this right now that like there is grace enough to cover that. And we can have grease with ourselves as we endeavor to decide to do something different. And so hopefully we'll bring some of those tools into this discussion today. Yeah, I think the big one that you touched on was just about increasing awareness, just in general. So that, that needs the ability to take a step back and really assess. And understanding sort of what your triggers are like you were mentioning, trying to get somewhere to make something impedes me doing the thing that I'm trying to do. So like, what situation is it for you that setting you off understanding that right? Is like the first. It's the first step, right? But then you recognize that some of those things may not be things that you can ever change or that you can start to shift so that you don't experience them as much, but there are some things in life that are just simply going to happen that are annoying, that may trigger you. That may set you off. But. Just because they are triggers for you doesn't mean that you need to be so highly triggered in that moment. So recognizing that there are ways that you can prepare or help yourself prepare for those moments. So that you can. Respond to that in a way that. Feels more in line with who you are. Right. I think even just talking about it, you talking about it with me, I'm sure you're talking about with your husband, my own space. My husband, I had a, some very similar conversation the other night about like what was going on with me and even just. Recognizing that in myself was helpful in building my own sort of emotional literacy for myself, but then being able to talk to my kids of like, Hey, this happened, and this is why I felt that way. That doesn't make it right, but I'm just, I'm letting you know my own emotional processing of that was such a helpful. Humbling. Experience. Yeah. And I think it's so important that those that are witness to our less great moments, even if it is our kids, which you usually it is. And even if it's every single day that we do humble ourselves enough to provide them with the resolution, right. I mean, we can't protect our kids from so many things. Apparently we can't even protect them from our own unstable emotions some of the time too. Right. So there's going to be things that your kids experienced that are not right in this world, but it's the resolution. It's our. Our ability and willingness to say in all circumstances that are really hard for our kiddos like that wasn't ideal. Was it. Let's talk about that. I want you to know that like me behaving that way has nothing to do with how I feel about you. And, you know, mommy is really working on. This thing, you know how, when we talk about, you know, blah, blah, blah, well, that's what I, I need those reminders for myself too. And so that resolution can provide. A place for your own children to not get stuck in a particular, particular emotional trauma pattern and not potentially being perpetuating that for, you know, parts of their lives either. I did. Yeah, I think about that. I'm like, oh man, what are we, what are we building here? But I do think that that pulling it together and having resolution there. I mean, that's it. That's what helps build good communication between you and your kids, you and your spouse. You and your friends right. Coming and humbling yourself in that situation for sure. And so I mentioned some of the things I'm thinking about, how can you prepare, help yourself in that moment? Certainly there are things, of course, we're not going to like leave you empty handed, some actual tools that you can have in your own toolbox to just sort of mess around with, see what you can implement, see what works, what feels right. But there are for sure, some lifestyle pieces that I think talking about those first. Because they are often the things that once you start. Even tinkering with them. All of a sudden you're like, wow, I do feel lighter emotionally. I do feel a bit more stable. That includes sleeping. So as moms. Sometimes depending on what season you're in sleep can be hard to come by. And so you may not be getting the type of sleep that you are accustomed to, or that you would like, but recognizing where the places where you can either make that up. Even though I don't really know if we can necessarily make sleep up, but right. You're at least like, okay. Yes. While my baby is napping. Yeah. The something needs to get done, but potentially today I'm going to lean into. I'm going to take a nap with my baby. And call that my win for the day. And so allowing space just to assess what your sleep is like, is it deep enough when you're getting it? Where can you get more of it? Those types of things. Having quiet time to yourself. So it doesn't necessarily mean the entire house is quiet, but having intentional time, whether that's in prayer. Or breathing or reading or sitting in absolute silence with nothing and just being with yourself. Just carving out some time, even if that is five minutes. To actually just be present. I think can that changes the way that my day starts for sure. Focusing on your nutrition, not letting that slide recognizing what is making you feel good. What's not making you feel good. Pulling out some of the more inflammatory foods in your diet in particular can be such a huge game changer for a lot of women opting for more nourishing. Traditional foods, things like that to can all of a sudden, really start to shift the way that your brain is even managing a lot of these pieces, because all of a sudden, it's starting to get really Well nourished and that changes everything. Moving your body. Certainly not needing to like go insane, but walking. Stretching. Moving your body, however, is feeling good and right for you. I think reconnects you with your body. It's going to make your brain feel better. It's going to make your, your hormones feel better. All of the things. And then spending a bit of time outdoors too. So no matter where you live, I feel that I always feel kind of silly when we live in San Diego. So like we can pretty much be outside all year round. I know that's not necessarily possible, but even when it is really cold or really hot, still being able to. Peace out the times of day that you can actually enjoy fresh air and breathe it in. Spending time, like in nature, spending time. Doing something that you like to do outside. Game changer. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you can hit some of those. You can go, go for a walk in the morning. Playing some nice music by yourself. Outdoors. Boom. Boom, boom. You. Yeah. Like before your husband goes to work and it maybe gets a 10 minute walk, but that was like your, you just had your moment to. Just be intentional for the day. And I just think that that, that goes such a long way. I also think that as women we can get into really. Toxic coping cycles in a really sneaky way, like winding down at the end of every day with a little bit of alcohol. Then having poor sleep because of blood sugar issues, then being tired when we wake up. So then we pile on the coffee for that part of the day. And there's many pieces of our culture. And even you and I have joked on behalf of this particular thing, because it's so commonplace in such an slippery slope. To go down as a mom or just a busy woman. But recognizing why you do some of the things you do and how those, those choices affect the others and being a little bit ruthless with eliminating some of those pieces. In order to be a healthier version of yourself. Yeah, absolutely. Amidst that, right? A lot of people, I'm not a journaler, but a lot of people really do kind of glom on to that, of writing down things that they're thankful for and journaling about their day, getting their emotions out in that way. And that may feel like a really safe place for some women too. Sort out and process because you're not necessarily laying it on the same person each time or something. But sometimes you, you can sort of figure out in your brain, what is it that's actually been going on when you just let yourself write it out? Absolutely. Some other tools are giving yourself a timeout in the moment when it's so heated. When you can tell that you're being tempted to respond so poorly. Just going somewhere where you can take 10 deep breaths so that you don't find yourself in a situation where you're lashing out or getting angry or behaving in a way that you do not want to. We do that with our kids all the time. Right? One of our, one of our friends calls it, sit and think time. And I tell my kids all the time, I'm going to go have some sit and think time for myself. Participate in a little mommy timeout. I know we all can't do that at every single point in our day, but if you can catch yourself in the moment of feeling overwhelmed, You potentially can pull away, take some deep breaths. And utilize some popup tools. Yes, absolutely. I will mention also not getting on your phone or something in that moment and actually using it. To calm rather than to like distract can be really powerful. Yeah. Some herbs that can be really helpful for mood regulation, our lemon balm. Valerian passion flower. And so those are some that you can look up have on hand tinctures or teas. And make them a part of your routine for just supporting yourself mental health and metabolically restoring Cong to your nervous system with a little bit of verbal help. Yeah, I love lemon balm in the evening in particular. It's a nice Chill out one for sure. Supplements to be thinking about, we see this often with like vitamin D levels. So that's always a helpful one to get onboard. A methylated B complex, some Omega's there there's a lot of research there in that one probiotics for. Gut health and brain health and all the health, like your gut. I mean, we've said it before, but healthy gut leads to a much healthier body and mind for sure. Magnesium, we have an entire episode based on types of magnesium and why most women need more of it. Five HTP is another one to consider as well as Sam E. So that is a, an option that some of our clients have chosen for their particular struggles, mental health wise, or just mood instability wise for postpartum. All things worth kind of delving into checking out, seeing if that's something that you want to add to your Your regimen for taking care of yourself. Absolutely. Some homeopathy that can be really helpful is CPI. We have talked about that before, too. It is like the perfect mood swing remedy. I've gone through an entire vial. In a three-day period before though. Not my proudest moments, but it's so thankful to have. Something that works so effectively. It's for sudden irritability it's for anger. It's for fear. It's for weeping it's for feeling like indifferent or like apathetic. And it's treatment for sudden exhaustion or waking up at night in the middle of the night, particularly three o'clock hot flashes. So if any of that sounds like you emit some of the mood swing stuff, CPS is going to be your very best friend, and then we have nuts. Vama on our list. Also, this is more, the ragey stuff that you can not like bear. The contradiction from someone else, even if they are much tinier and. Not as smart as you you're just generally irritable or angry. You're angry from being overstimulated. This anger can sometimes lead to stomach issues. If you're recognizing that little co symptom, you're feeling very impatient, you recognize that you are difficult to live with that all falls under the Nuxe Vama CTCA. Umbrella. And so those are two tools that you can utilize that are easy, cheap, zero side effects and quite effective. Yeah. Homeopathy is my favorite for that because it's like every, anybody can grab some and benefit it is gentle on your system. And no matter what. Season of life you're in. It's incredibly helpful. Things to be thinking about though, also because each one of these could be their own. Sort of two hour lengthy podcast about how it impacts mood swings and mood instability, but things to be thinking about. Assessing your need to get some more information would be things like thyroid disorders. Adrenal fatigue. What's going on in your gut and your general gut health, certain nutrient deficiencies, hormonal imbalances. Those are all things to be like, huh? I'm going to research a little bit more about that or, you know, take a step back and assess what I'm really feeling in my body. And And start to give your body what it maybe asking for. And so, unfortunately, mood swings. CA, you know, they're just a symptom, like everything else, nothing is happening in our bodies, in a vacuum. And so yes, you have these mood swings and yes, life can be hard as a mom and all of those pieces, but usually. There's something else kind of going on that is leading to either. Your nervous system, dysregulation or other disorders kind of like what we spoke about or something like that. Yeah. And all of this discussion is, you know, kind of rallying around this more common, less severe definitely. Necessitates action. But it's something that is, you know, mildly interrupting your daily life. And as you're assessing things, you're like, I really want to kind of get a wrangle on that. Something that you're thinking about that can use more support. There are some warning signs when it isn't much serious issue. And so no discussion on mental health should be without that. What, what does it look like when you're really not okay. And you need to. You know, Pass up all these recommendations and go straight to finding a mental health professional. That looks like not being able to carry out basic life functions. Like your mood swings are so severe that you can't eat or sleep or care for your children. If you're having hopeless or scary thoughts or having very little enjoyment or not being able to find a lightness to life, that would be a big red flag. And then assessing, do you feel this way some of the time, you know, it comes and goes or is it all the time? Does it seem like there is just this heaviness on every single day? That feels more lasting and oppressive versus recent and temporary. And it's interrupting. Your everyday life, every single day is completely overwhelming with some of these intense emotions that would all be times that you need to. Get help on board right away. Do not go. Journal and take some lemon balm. This is not a time for that. Yeah, right. You can do the supportive things, but the true supportive thing in that case is to actually get the real support that you need on board to make sure that you are safe and that That you are taken care of in the midst of what hopefully is a short season that you can be supported out of also. So I'm glad that we added that in, because I think it's so important, especially as we talk about women's health, right. There's. It's not necessarily the finest line, but there is a line between. Oh, so many people experience this thing versus so many experience, this other thing, but they're not getting the help that they truly need. And so we don't want that for you. We want you to. Be as supported as you possibly can in the ways that you need in the season that you're in. And one way that I think we are extra excited to do that is that we do have a postpartum masterclass. We have spoken about it before on previous episodes. But as of today, it is two days away. So we are chatting all about hormonal balancing in the postpartum period. So it does not need to be early postpartum. Right? If you identify in any way as postpartum, which most likely you do. If you are listening to this about being a mom, this can absolutely be for you. You're going to walk away. We've done this class before and we were like blown away with what women were really walking away with after we put it all together. But. You're going to completely understand the differences. Between sort of what we're talking about here. What's normal, common. What's completely abnormal. What hormone symptoms fall into those pictures after birth and recognizing, okay. Maybe what you are experiencing is normal. How can we support it? Right. You're going to leave with an awareness of what are like the most common things that sort of trip women up the most common pitfalls in postpartum, how you can avoid them. How you can treat them quickly if they do start to arise and start to, you know, tempt to trip you up, that you can kind of squash them as quickly as they arise. You're going to learn how to safely and effectively use some of the tools that we spoke about here, but so many more other herbal recommendations, supplements, other homeopathy pieces to really stabilize those wonky hormones in your postpartum time. And all of these suggestions are going to be even great while you're breastfeeding. So I think that that's such a. A powerful piece to walk away with of nodding, to question all of the things of what's safe and what's not. And hopefully you will become. I'm inspired to create your own personalized action plan with us for regulating and preventing some of these hormonal symptoms. So we're super stoked to run this one again. It is free. It is Wednesday, August 23rd at 7:00 PM. That is Pacific. Daylight time, Pacific standard time. You got it. The same thing. California. Yeah, a 7:00 PM. But if that doesn't work for you, no matter where you are, there will be a replay that comes along with it. So sign up, you can watch whenever from wherever, but it's a free one hour class. All about hormone balancing in the postpartum time. So that's what we're super excited about. That's in two days. So if you haven't jumped into that Go ahead and do that now in the show notes, you can sign up and then next week we're going to have a really cool announcement also. So if you want to find out before anybody else who is listening. Ever. Get on our mailing list below in the show notes. Because you're going to get an exclusive to your inbox. Yeah. And if you don't care about that announcement, then just wait until next Monday. And we'll just tell everybody all at once. And people like to be in the know, I think you can find out four days sooner. If you're on our mailing list, let's go. I'll take four days. Yeah, absolutely. Before everybody else. Yeah. And, you know, it's not just knowing information, there's going to be some special steps. Yeah, there is. So if you were not on our mailing list, it's one of my favorite things actually that we do is we send out a weekly email. We're not going to like spam you a million emails a week, but we do send out one email a week of. Helpful hints tips, midwifery tidbits, women's health information, things like that. So get on that just for that, but then in doing so you're also an insider for this announcement that we have. Woo. All right, ladies. There's so many ways to connect. We hope that we get to do that with you. Before we're back here next week with another episode. Bye.