Ep 144. Holistic Miscarriage Support

Shedding light on pregnancy loss from a holistic perspective:

• The lesser known possible root causes of miscarriage
• Frank talk about what to expect during a miscarriage 
• How to manage pregnancy loss naturally and safely from home
• 4 keys to miscarriage recovery you don’t want to skip over

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Transcript

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You're at home with Kelly and Tiffany. Yeah, you are. I'm Tiffany I'm Kelly. We are two midwives. We have a home birth practice in San Diego. We like to talk to ourselves and a little microphone. In my home office slash guestroom slash workout room. Slash all purpose space. And I have to say it is suspiciously quiet out there where the children are. And we're just going to figure that out later. The door is closed. I'm pretty sure there's snacks involved. It's great. Sneak screens and snacks. That's all you need. Every childhood. Problem can be solved with screens and snacks. Today we're talking about holistic miscarriage support and this isn't been a long time coming. Yeah. I mean, this is a, an incredibly common issue. It can feel so incredibly isolating. It is so incredibly heartbreaking. And the fact that it is so common, common yet. It's really not often discussed it's it's, but it's a huge aspect of women's health in general. And so we're thankful to be here kind of providing a midwifery perspective on. This issue. Yeah. I think the thing that we hear from women the most. Who have experienced a miscarriage is I didn't know that. Fill in the blank there. So many pieces that for as common as miscarriage, Experience is there's so many pieces that are not talked about because death is just taboo and uncomfortable. And women just don't talk about those things. Even with each other. There's so much stigma in like, why. I couldn't my body makeup pregnancy thrive and we're as a society resorting more and more to more technocratic medical hospital based. Solutions that removes women even more from the process. And most of the women that we take care of who experienced miscarriages in pregnancy. Want to do it holistically, want to do it from home, want to know how to safely do it from home and things to watch out for and how to. Manage that well, and so it's a resource that we are constantly being asked for. So the goal in this episode today is to kind of shed some light on a natural miscarriage experience and. Hopefully provide some information to normalize the experience and give women some context for it so that we can. Be a part of starting that conversation? Yes, absolutely. So definitely a needed piece of women's health conversation for sure. I also have to side note, there is a little fly who is flying around this room and is loud. Do you think the microphone's going to pick it up? I hope not. That would be our second episode, featuring some kind of insect. And we always joke about the pelvic floor episode that we did years ago. We didn't realize it at the time. We're just trying to find quiet places to record things than it was in Kelly's garage. And. Without fail. The entire episode is. Cricket in the background. It's one cricket who just was having the time of their life. You know how, like when you say crickets it's, you know, like synonymous with it being extremely quiet. Not the case. That was not the case. I like people told us they were listening in their cars. And thought there were, there was a cricket in there. And their car with them while they were driving around. I actually love that. I really appreciate that. So anyway, there's not a fly flying around you right now, in case you hear it, it's just in the room. Wonderful. All right. We have another. Review. Let's go. Good job people. I really appreciate it. And it's funny. I really enjoy reading. People's handles. You know, How they identify themselves in, in this and I see it now, but as I first looked at it, I was like Gabrielle hook to. Got real H2O house. That's what it is. I would assume her last name is Waterhouse. Gabrielle Waterhouse. Yeah, that's a cool name. That's great. We're usually wrong about these things though. A hundred percent. There was somebody whose handle had to do with chickens. Or something and. I don't know what we thought, but she messaged us and was like, no, I have backyard chickens and whatever, whatever, but we assumed something different. I don't know. I really enjoy it. I just see it. So Gabrielle, we're going to read your review, you know, if you leave us a review and we read it on the podcast. Sorry. If you leave us a five star review with helpful things, we will read it on the podcast and we will buy you a drink. When you tell us you heard us read your review. Hey, when people contact you and say, Hey, you read my review. How much do you give them for a drink? Because we sometimes do this on different weeks. And I was just thinking the last time I did it, I was like, I probably should have checked with TIFF of how much she assumes the drink is crud. Well, I think I'm giving $5. I am too, because I was like, well, if you go to Starbucks, you're probably spending for something. It probably isn't going to buy you like a drink, drink, but that's okay. Yeah, it will give you it'll get you halfway to an alcoholic drink. Yeah. If you do the house. Cabernet. Like I do. Perfect. You can just go a happy hour. It's fine. And it'll get you. A decent coffee. Yeah, well, I hope that's motivating enough. I would be, I'd be motivated for a drink. Leave us a review. Can I leave a review? No. No, just go buy yourself a drink on the business card. That's what I do. Okay. Great. Problem-solve okay. This is what Gabrielle says. It can be so hard to find answers to health concerns and things that actually work. And aren't a gimmick or a sales pitch. These ladies know their stuff. And what I've learned from this podcast and their Instagram page has positively affected my health hormones, postpartum recovery, et cetera. Plus they are relatable, funny and down to earth. I wish they were in my area. I wonder where your area is. Maybe we will go there. We could be traveling midwives. I would love that. That would be so fun. It would not necessarily sustainable. It's for a season. Yeah, we could, we could travel for one year. Great. What's your 2024 looking like. A lot of travel. So very much. That'd be fun, but that was super sweet. Gabrielle Waterhouse. Thank you for the review. Super sweet. I hope you enjoy your drink. Okay. You guys, this is our absolute last announcement. We are packing our store full of goodness. You have probably noticed if you are listening to these end of year ish sort of episodes, we are throwing a bunch in our store in order to necessarily start fresh next year. But really just to get this information out into the world that we've been creating through this past year. So we have a functional fibroid management protocol package. It is. Absolutely. Incredible Kelly created these resources and we put them all together. And so I was looking over them briefly just to get reacquainted with the information and it is an absolute steal. It is 44 pages of education solutions, full spectrum treatment, and it is personalizable. It is only $18 in the shop. And we always argue about the price that we're going to list things at. And Kelly's like, I don't know, something, something, something. And then when I looked over the resource today, I was like, it absolutely cannot go for less than $18. So this is what's included. Education about root cause of fibroid issues. The symptoms that shouldn't be ignored, even if your doctor dismisses them, how to order and interpret lab work from a functional approach. Hint, it is extremely different than what the lab values are that come back on your actual lab reports. Solutions include. Nutrition lifestyle supplementation, all listed in protocol. Protocol style, depending on what type of thyroid issues that you're dealing with. And we have listed out the entire full spectrum of possible thyroid issues, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, auto immune, fibroid, thyroid conversion issues, and everything in between. There is a section that is specific for fertility. Trying to get pregnant pregnancy. What do these values mean? And why did it get so wacky and pregnancy and then postpartum, how do you manage fibroid symptoms and treatment in postpartum, which is one of the most under utilized and under diagnosed times of. Thyroid issues for women. So all of these pieces come together in this 44 page bundle it's available in our shop. Again, this is the last new resource of this year. Go check it out. Yeah, it was, it was really rad pulling it all together because I was like seeing it all in one space and one like confined little protocol guide here. I was like, these are all the things that I talk with. Like talk through with clients who are coming in for thyroid issues, or we realize through symptoms that thyroid testing is needed or, oh, I got my thyroid checked. Here's all of my, you know, lab values. They were normal, but they actually weren't and this is, you know, what is actually going on. And so. We want that information in your hands. It is affecting a lot of women in a lot of different seasons. And hopefully this will be a huge benefit to you and your health or for the health of somebody that you love. You will not regret it. That is for sure. But I agree it could easily be a hundred dollars somewhere else, like right. Or we could, we could, we could put it in there for a lot more than we are. But the point is we want it in your hands. We want it to be as accessible as possible. That's really the goal with all of these resources is that we want to provide education and support for alternatives because you can go find. All the conventional and medical or responses to some of these common issues, but we know that most of you who are listening right now want to know what the other options are, whether you decide to utilize them or not. You just want to know what your choices are. And so we're here to help fold that in a little bit more. Yeah. Which honestly is, again, the reason that we wanted to make this episode in particular, because you should know what all of the options and choices and information. R about miscarriage in particular. So about 20% of all pregnancies in the us end in miscarriage. So that is pretty. Like pretty staggering putting it out like that. And I know again, that it can feel like very isolating and very lonely, but you are 100% not alone. If you are walking through or have walked through. This, so I, you know, if we, if we believe, like if we actually counted early pregnancy losses, like within four to six weeks, That are often misread right by women as later periods, that number potentially can be increased even more like up to around 30%. Right. And so there's a little bit of. You know that issue where maybe not everything is being counted exactly in the right category there for sure. But just because it is common. Just because you are not alone in it, doesn't take away the fact that it is complicated. Right? There's a lot of grief, a lot of disappointment, a lot of confusion. Sometimes we had a client come in who was processing her feelings of. Grief, but also relief in certain ways, also in that experience. And that was a really profound conversation that I had with her. A profound experience for me to listen to that process of holding those two pieces together. And just again, how complicated emotions can be you know, X, inexperienced with. Pregnancy loss in general, complicated as a great way to put it. And maybe that's a part of why women don't share it more with each other because it feels so fragile that some, if somebody is insensitive about it, or if you don't fully understand your own complicated feelings about it. Letting somebody else in on that and potentially feeling even more damaged. Because of their response or the way that they want to process that with you. We're not going to touch on it today, but we could do a whole entire episode of the apps and nine responses and insensitivity that people offer trying to help and connect and be a part of the process. But just the comments alone that you can receive when you share with somebody that you've had a miscarriage is is enough to shut women up from talking about it before. For sure. Yeah, absolutely. The cause for miscarriage can just be a whole lot of factors. It's different for everybody. It depends on so many pieces of. Your own fertility puzzle and your own personal health history. But the majority of them are usually attributed to an issue with the health of the developing baby. Miscarriage is often inevitable in this case. When the cause is a maternal condition, like a hormone imbalance or cervical integrity. Or pelvic infections, nutritional deficiencies. Those are things that can be worked through. We can improve those things naturally. So it's important to understand that, although a lot of it is out of our control. If it's something that falls into that realm of an issue with, you know, an underlying root cause with, with a woman's health or her body, there are things that you can do about it. So sometimes there's information that's put out there. That's like, Well it's for the best, because it was an unhealthy baby and oh, there's nothing that we can really do to prevent miscarriage or, oh yeah. Maybe there's some really serious, severe things that are going on, but after you. Experienced three losses, then come back and we'll dig into some of that. And I just think that that is an inadequate. Response to this experience. I think women need more information and they want more answers. Yeah, for sure. And, and sometimes it can feel uncomfortable if you don't get answers. Sometimes you, sometimes you don't actually, you're not actually able to pinpoint the thing, but those things. You know, that you mentioned like certain things about cervical integrity and infections, what not like those are discoverable things, right. And so that, that can also be a space of encouragement for you as you, you know, try to work. Through things and look forward for sure. Okay. So one of the most common things that we are asked about miscarriage is, is this thing that I'm experiencing in my early pregnancy. Is this okay? Is this normal? What are some signs that I should be looking out for? Or someone might say I'm having some cramping. Should I be worried? That kind of thing. So some signs would be pelvic cramping and heaviness. Some lower backache, almost sort of like your period is coming. And so those things can, you can be aware of those. Some slight cramping is actually somewhat normal or can be normal, at least when the baby implants, which is about like a week to 10 days or so after conception happens. And again, also in the first few weeks of pregnancy, as the uterus starts to expand. So we did have a client who came in last week, very early in her pregnancy and was like, oh, last night I was having some cramping and that confused me, but. You know, in concerned her, but she realized, okay. I took a deep breath and was like, I don't see these other, you know, concerning things which would include vaginal bleeding, right? Vaginal bleeding or spotting, sometimes that's brown to pink to right. To bright red. So all of those can kind of run the gamut there. Some spotting though, this is, I think what makes miscarriage and this kind of time of pregnancy really confusing. We're like pelvic cramping, but also some of that can be normal vaginal bleeding, but also there can be some times where some vaginal bleeding just happens, right. Can happen with implantation. About 50% of spotting experiences and early pregnancy is not associated with a threatened miscarriage. Or pregnancy issues and it just resolves on its own without issue, right? Like, and without incident at all, So helpful to realize that there are some signs of some things, but also taking some of those pieces with a grain of salt and really connecting with your body and listening to it there. Because. What you are experiencing may be normal, or it may be cause for concern. Yeah. And I think having a care provider on board that you trust that is available. To process. Some of these things is really important to I mean, I know, like in our case, and in our practice, we are extremely available for some of these things. Happening. And so that, that goes a long way to set yourself up even before pregnancy or in the very beginning of pregnancy with a care provider, who's going to be able to give you. That type of care. So like we said earlier in the episode, I think the piece that is missing out there for women, because it's not being talked about a lot. Is what to expect from the miscarriage itself. The experience varies so much from woman to woman. And it depends on so much to like how far along the pregnancy is your own health history. The particular issue that might be happening, that's causing the miscarriage. So many pieces of that. And most women. Who allow nature to take its course with a miscarriage. And they have support through the process. Will miscarry without complication. So I want that to be said, because inevitably we're all thinking of that one friend or person we know who had a miscarriage at home and hemorrhaged, and it ended up being a kind of dangerous situation that needed intervention. So. Most women who do a miscarriage at home and they have support. Do not have a complication. Yeah. So, you know, we, we chatted about some of those signs and symptoms sort of thing, but in terms of the miscarriage actually happening and moving forward, When, when it's sort of inevitable that this is actually happening, that bleeding and that cramping will increase, right. It will continue and it, and it will intensify and it will not stop until the baby and all of right. The pregnancy tissues that kind of come along with that are actually passed from your body. So. This is sometimes surprising to women that the intensity can increase. To the amount that it actually can. We've had some clients who have even reported like, oh man, I felt the same amount of, or like this. Maybe not the same amount, but sort of a similar idea of like, Rectal pressure as the baby was coming down. Those sorts of things just as the body was working to pass their baby. And so this experience can take potentially several hours or it can take a couple of weeks actually to build. So the actual miscarriages self with right regular cramping and bleeding, it's going to typically last a couple hours, if that is happening. Consistently increasing in intensity. So. Contractions are again, they're going to build an intensity as that process. Progresses and there are many women who would describe it, feeling somewhat similar to like a short. Quick birth. And that can be really intense, right? There's typically more steady bleeding throughout a miscarriage than in a full term birth. So that's something helpful just to sort of keep in your back pocket and that kind of sets the foundation of. Generally speaking what to expect. I think again, some women are blindsided by the idea that it can actually be quite if like a physically intense experience. Yeah. And being able to prepare for that. So if you have discovered that there's no longer a heartbeat and now you're anticipating what this actual, the event of the miscarriage will be. Think about preparing for the way that you might prepare. Appear for birth and think about the people that you want to have there and the comfort items that you want to have around and the way that you want to kind of prepare for the discomfort and intensity of it so that you have what you need on hand. And you're not blindsided by that. At some point in that process, you'll pass the baby and the pregnancy tissue. And since there may be clotting present in the bleeding, you will most likely want to, or have somebody in charge of inspecting everything that you pass in the process. Not to be sentimental or not to be like, disgusting about it, but you want to know when, or if it's complete, because that matters a lot is you're monitoring your bleeding. Like Kelly said, there's going to be more bleeding in a miscarriage during the whole process than there is an, a birth. Some women use pads in their underwear, chucks pads. Some women enjoy sitting on the toilet and using like a strainer or a colander in the toilet. It's really helpful to kind of catch. What comes out. The womb. Is not fully cleared out. We'll put you at higher risk for infection and bleeding. Sweat really is for your safety that you're able to confirm that you see something that resembles. You know, a little, something more complicated looking than just blood clots coming out. You're looking for. A small Milky, white or clear sack, and it ranges in size depending on how far the pregnancy progressed from a teaspoon size to a tablespoon size, depending on. Where you're at in your first trimester, you can kind of gauge how long the baby grew inside of the sock and those pieces. But that's about what you're looking for in general. Yeah. I feel like someone would, may hear that and be like, wow, that is like really intense to think about. Right. But I think the underlying piece of keeping you as safe as possible, right. And giving you as many options and awareness and education as possible is the wisest thing that we can do as we're, you know, kind of chatting about all of this stuff. So once you are able to. Recognize like, okay, my baby has passed. The tissue has passed. Your cramping and your bleeding is going to start to decrease, or it should be decreasing to really a flow. That's more like a normal period for you. And it'll probably last for about five to seven days or so. So. You have this experience that has built up, you've gone through the potential hours, maybe even days of your experience. And now you have you know, still this continued work that your body is doing. After the fact as well. And I think that piece is helpful to be aware of too, just to get a grid. For what to expect for this next week or so? Yeah. And if it's something that is just like massively outside of some of those parameters, Then you can recognize, oh, this is the time that I'm going to need to get a little bit more help. Maybe I shouldn't be managing this at home by myself. Or if you were not necessarily expecting that level of intensity or that level of interaction with what's happening in your body, you can tell yourself, oh, that's right. This is actually pretty normal or, oh, I do need to, you know, be watchful and paying attention or having a responsible adult with you to manage some of those pieces of the process for you. But the recovery is another really important part of a miscarriage that I think is not always honored well or understood. Well, and you have essentially gone through a birth with a miscarriage, no matter what point in pregnancy that you've experienced that. Except for you, don't get a baby. And so adjusting those expectations to this future. Now that exists without your baby is most. Most Lee. Experience as a heartbreak for women, most women feel heartbroken by just that concept alone. So you want to give yourself time. You want to give yourself space to accept this transition, to be gentle towards yourself, and then prepare yourself for. Talking to people who don't know about your loss, that is kind of like the next steps of just emotionally safeguarding. This experience is you might. You might need to break the news to people eventually at some point, however you decide to do it, that you're not pregnant anymore. And how do you want to respond for that? It is so important that you find somebody who you trust to help you work out the complications and the complexities of your grief and disappointment. And don't feel like you need to be ready for that right away. That could take several weeks or several months to where you're wanting to an. I'm able to talk about it. And there's plenty of women who are not going to find. This experience to be intense or heartbreaking or so moving or full of grief. And that's okay. We can normalize that too. But I think the concept of it being a really big deal needs to be emphasized because most women are going to feel like it is a bigger deal than how people make it. And that is completely valid. Yeah, absolutely. And I think helps us witness also the importance of like this aspect of recovery and resting and being gentle with yourself and kind to your body and kind to your heart. As you move forward and as you look forward you know, Again, with the things that people can say, right? Like, oh, just try again. Or, you know, whatever. And that doesn't. Yes, but that doesn't that's not solving a problem. That's not taking the place of anything. Right. But recognizing most likely your period will return the very next month. So to be prepared for that, to be aware of that the general recommendation is to wait for about three normal cycles before trying to conceive again. I know people feel different ways about that. A lot of times, like, yes, it is so good for your body. But it also allows the space to process, to grieve just to fully welcome another pregnancy as a new experience. Also. But just as we talk about postpartum rest and recovery, the depletion of that. That amount of time can also give, you know, your, your body or your uterus time to heal. To regenerate at the implantation site and just give your body really a good fighting chance to rebuild things like iron stores from any of the blood loss that you might have experienced as well. So just sort of. Recognizing the sacredness of this. The space as well as you process emotionally and your body. Replenishes as well. Yeah. And I think another piece that women are potentially not aware of or prepared for is their partner's experience. They're going to have a completely different perspective on the miscarriage then you are. And every once in a while, I hear a story of where a man is very, very connected and was very Just desiring another child and, and loved that this baby and the idea of this pregnancy. But most men are not as connected to early pregnancy as women are. And a lot of them usually struggled to be as deeply sensitive or supportive as you might want. And so it is totally okay for you guys to talk about that and recognize that and just keep communication open. Don't be afraid to ask for the type of listening or the type of love or the type of processing that you want to do together with him. And And recognize his experience also because it's happening to you physically. And because you are typically. As the woman, just more connected to the process. Biologically completely understandable. I don't think my husband connected even to our kids until they were months old. In a real way. You. You know, because it's just so mother centric it's, that's how it's biologically set up to be. Leave room for his feelings and experience, because he might not want to share his grief or his disappointment with you because your experience is so much more intense or because he feels like his. His feelings are not valid because yours are salvage more. Right. And so I think she was. Being open and talking about that. If he is feeling a lot of grief or a lot of disappointment That it doesn't. You you recognize that that's not directed at you and sometimes it just needs to be set out loud. Like I know you're sad and disappointed. I know you're not disappointed in me. I know you're not upset with what my body did. How can we be together on this piece? And just, just continue to talk about it and bring it up so that. You guys can just get stronger as a couple and process it together as a couple. That made me kind of tear ya. Boom. It's really sweetened so important and it can, it can drive a wedge between couples or it can bring you together. No matter who's feeling what, right. Just the communication piece of and, and the letting go of Responsibility right. It's massive. So, there are some other resources, as well as either you are both processing together or you are processing solo or you are. Walking with a friend who was processing. And we will link these but resources like empty cradle. Men. Dot org, the postpartum health Alliance. So you may be feeling like that's for somebody who had a baby, right. That is. You absolutely had a baby. Right. And you are. It's you're equally as worthy as anybody else to get that kind of support that. Is needed. The group miscarriage hurts mainstream miscarriage, and then there's a book called the miscarriage map as well. So there are really solid organizations, groups, and books that are out there that are. Talking about this and supporting. Families through this. Absolutely. And if you're listening to this information and you just want a little bit more handholding, you just want a little bit more detail. We have protocols inside our fertility handbook. I know you guys have heard us mention that here before it includes warning signs when to seek medical care after care instructions. Protocols for preventing a miscarriage. If you have a history of miscarriages, there is a protocol for stimulating miscarriage after a loss for women who want to avoid DNC or medications. To continue their miscarriage. And there is a protocol for repeat early miscarriages. So if you're somebody who is finding that multiple pregnancies have ended in early loss, we have information on how to support your body and some ideas for root cause issues that sometimes cause. I repeat miscarriages and how to start kind of looking into those and supporting yourself. This, this miscarriage information, it's just one part of our fertility handbook. We have education and support inside of this handbook. That includes so many other topics to natural approaches to fertility. Preconception. Advocating for yourself. Trying to conceive. The things to do in early pregnancy before you even get into your care providers. Office. And then a lot of information about natural family planning and hormone-free birth control options and all that kind of stuff. It's only $22 in our shop for this complete resource. The miscarriage section alone. Carries its weight in gold because this is information that it's just not out there on alternatives to dealing with these kinds of pieces. In a really common female health space. Yeah, absolutely. And this is usually happening during a time where maybe someone hasn't fully brought on a care provider yet, or is still waiting to see their care provider. And so it's helpful even just to feel like you have supports somehow or you're like being understood and heard somehow, even if it's just through having a resource like this, where somebody is. Has not only laid it out, but in a way that you are ready to receive it in that, in that moment. So. Very helpful little piece that we have there in the shop for you. Yeah. And I also want to say that it's, this is kind of an awkward thing to share, but we have had a lot of women message us about miscarriage support and we have directed them to our membership. Because it's a place where you can find this resource and so much more, you have access to midwives to ask us questions, to ask the community questions, to get some. Just get some additional support in places. And so of course not to like, take advantage of people's grief and funnel them through. Resources that we have, but it is absolutely a place to land when you need this type of support, these types of education, you want alternatives, but you want more than, you know, potentially just a handbook. You want an entire package of support. That is a place that you can find it. If you're experiencing miscarriage, for sure. Yeah. So we hope that this episode helps you feel seen and heard and empowered and encouraged. And safe and all of the things that you deserve to feel within this. Season and that either if you're walking through it now, or you're envisioning, you know, potentially a day, or you just learning more or walking with a friend through this. Yeah, we just, we hope that this has been an encouragement for you. Absolutely. All right, ladies, we will be back next Monday with another episode. Bye.