Ep 172. Birth Story: Third Birth, Longest Pregnancy

Follow along as we recount the journey of one family going from a traumatic hospital birth to empowering home births. Come be reminded of the importance of proactive support, mindful preparation, and the all encompassing nature of how your decisions for your pregnancy, labor and birth truly do matter. 

01:09 Meet Your Hosts: Kelly and Tiffany
04:17 Funny Food Preferences
14:51 Listener Reviews and Birth Stories
27:57 A Transformative Second Birth Experience
30:14 The Journey to a Third Birth
31:12 Pregnancy Challenges and Overcoming Fatigue
33:53 The Waiting Game: Approaching Labor
41:18 The Birth Day: A Rapid and Empowering Labor
48:04 Reflecting on the Birth and Postpartum Experience
52:14 Empowering Women Through Education and Support
54:45 Conclusion and How to Support the Show

Links We Chat About:

Kelly's Oddly Wonderful Favorite Egg Pudding Recipe

Our Weekly Newsletter

Our Childbirth Education Course, use code RADIANT10 for 10% off

Our Monthly Membership

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast to catch every episode. Follow us on Instagram for extra education and antics between episodes at: @beautifulonemidwifery

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to at Home with Kelly and Tiffany, where we share powerful tools, exciting education, and relatable views about holistic health, physiological birth, and thriving in the female body. We are home birth midwives in sunny San Diego. Passionate about the alternatives that give women control and confidence in health, in birth and in life. We've poured a lot of love into creating very in depth and high value offerings. A monthly membership, a physiological birth course, and holistic guides for the women who really want to dive all the way in. But this podcast. We want to bring zero cost information about health and natural birth and make these important topics accessible always. Your support of the show is also zero cost and means everything to us. When you leave a review, share an episode and join our newsletter. It really helps us keep this space open, ad free and full of honest, valuable conversations. Now let's dive into today's show.

Tiffany 1:09

Welcome back to the podcast ladies. I'm Tiffany,

Kelly 1:12

I am Kelly

Tiffany 1:13

and we have a home birth practice here. We've, Kelly and I realized we didn't introduce ourselves in our last episode, which was coming back from a really long break. So it's potentially needed that we have to tell people who we are if you're just starting to listen. But that could happen in any episode, right? We could have new listeners in any episode. It depends. Depends what the podcast app tells you to listen to.

Kelly 1:39

Yes, but like this is hopefully you listened last week. Great episode. But we're super excited to kind of be back after that long. I. and yeah, you'll kind of get to know our, you'll be able to understand who is who as we continue talking, because I feel like even though we have so many similarities in like, there's so much crossover in our lives, we also have, there are, there are some minor differences, but you'll get to know us just by our voice. But yes, I'm Kelly. That is Tiffany. And, my name comes first in that podcast, so I'm just putting that out there. though technically it's alphabetical, feels important to say that for my own pride, please,

Tiffany 2:28

some of us have, some of us, some of our, some of the hosts on the show are working through pride issues, and so some of them are, some of them want to feel more important

Kelly 2:41

Mm-hmm.

Tiffany 2:42

sometimes.

Kelly 2:43

Yep.

Tiffany 2:44

I, I actually have a whole. Icebreaker scheduled in the future for the ways that we're different, because I feel like the longer we get to, the longer our friendship goes there. I don't know. It's been a funny thing. I feel like we started out pretty different in some ways. Then we had a real serious melding and meshing where even our husbands were afraid we were becoming the same person.

Kelly 3:14

Mm-hmm.

Tiffany 3:14

And then now I feel like we're, we're in a space of some comfortable release, comfortable differences. That is good. It's good for our individuality. It's good for.

Kelly 3:31

I was, I was talking with a friend, a mutual friend who is more of a friend of yours than is of mine, and she was like, this is so weird talking to you because you guys do the same things like with your hands, the same words, the same like kind of mannerisms. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I don't, you are who you spend your time with. I love it.

Tiffany 3:53

I know I've even started to, I started to pick up even some of your writing style. I've noticed I catch myself when I'm creating content or writing on a, on a specific topic that I have picked up even some of those funny little quirks of yours. And I mean, gosh, how, what do you expect? Come on, people. What do you expect?

Kelly 4:16

exactly.

Tiffany 4:17

One of the ways, one of the ways we're different, I would say, is in some, I'm here, I'm making a transition here.

Kelly 4:25

Oh, good

Tiffany 4:25

of our food choices,

Kelly 4:27

Mm-hmm.

Tiffany 4:28

we have, I think we generally have really similar philosophies about food, but we go about, I. Food choices, preparing food, how, how we do food in our families a little bit differently. So my icebreaker for today is Kelly tell the audience a food that somebody else, or maybe a majority would say, that's absolutely disgusting, but you are like loving it right now. I feel like there's so many things this could be, but give us one. Give us one like absolutely disgusting sounding food that. You are just all about right now.

Kelly 5:04

Yeah. So I, one of the things about food and me is. I love, I like love really good food, right? Like I'm, if I eat a good meal, I'm like, Ooh, I can appreciate food. Right? But I also like. I mean not, not give or take, but just like not take it or leave it, I suppose, but just like I could also eat the same exact thing every day and be like, if it's good enough, like that's fine. I'm like simple in a lot of ways about food and that's like, that helps me in life in general. I don't have like decision fatigue about a lot of things over time because I'm like, I have to take some of these like decisions out of my life. But I will say, so. I know that most people would, would say that this sounds disgusting because I've gotten the feedback that it sounds disgusting. Now, the actual trying of it and enjoying it be slightly different. I've also got feedback of people who are like, that is just too much. But I just made it the other night. Like my kids and I, we really like. I'm not always like a big meal planner, but we, we tend to like plan some desserts, which is just an enjoyable thing we like to do together. We like to figure out, hey, can we like add some, how to make this like sort of healthy or enjoyable in that particular way. Anyway, we made pudding. Which yum pudding, right. Sounds very enjoyable to everybody. But the base of it is like a dozen hardboiled eggs. And you right, you make your hard boiled eggs, you put them in the blender, you're blending it up, and that's like what gives it the rich creaminess. I understand. understand people are turning this off because sounds really, really gross, but. I I, I'm gonna put the recipe in the show notes or like a link to it because your mind may be blown. It sounds like a, a terrible and non dessert but it's packed with protein. You don't need a lot of it. It's like the perfect amount of sweetness. I'm into, it sounds gross, but I'm into it.

Tiffany 7:13

Yeah. And you shared it you shared it somewhere maybe on Instagram or something a couple months ago, and then we switched our roles. You were done with your Instagram turn and I took it over and I had to deal with people's revulsion, and I'm like, I don't know you guys. I don't know. She. Do, do the do the egg pudding or don't

Kelly 7:38

This

Tiffany 7:38

either. This seems like a great idea. Yeah, you're like super into it or you're not. Some people cannot handle the alternative recipe like this doesn't taste like ice cream.

Kelly 7:52

yeah. And

Tiffany 7:53

This is cottage cheese.

Kelly 7:55

Yes. But I'm like, well then that, just get the ice cream. That's totally fine. But like, I, I don't know. I enjoy being creative with that, with, I don't, for some

Tiffany 8:05

yeah. I'm all about the alternatives.

Kelly 8:08

Yeah, sure. But I have a feeling yours is gonna be fascinating because again, you do, you just like have a different I don't know, smorgasbord of food that you eat that I just am like it's not my thing. So to hear yours

Tiffany 8:26

can eat anything.

Kelly 8:27

disgusted.

Tiffany 8:28

that is one of my superpowers. Like when I watch challenge, like really weird challenges on TV and it's about eating disgusting things, I'm like, I could do that. I absolutely could just mind over matter. Like some goat testicles or something, you know, like I, I think I'm that person,

Kelly 8:49

You

Tiffany 8:49

but it, it leads to me being Thank you. Thank you so much. Goat, testicle eater. I am that person. That's who I am. But it makes, but it makes me really open to trying new foods and then I actually enjoy strange. Tasting things. It does like, you know, and then I als I'm also so much about the nutritional value of something. I will totally eat something that I know is good for me, even if it doesn't taste good. And I might try a little bit to try to make it taste better, but taste is not the first thing I'm going for When. I'm choosing food and I'm just not. I'm not, I mean, my husband and I talk about this all the time because he has like an emotional attachment to food. He uses food to feel better. He really loves a great meal. Texture's really important to him. So I mean. Our entire marriage has been me trying to prepare food better for someone who cares about how the food ends up.

Kelly 9:48

I love it.

Tiffany 9:49

Whereas if I, if I'm making something and I'm like, oh, I overcook the broccoli, I'm like, whatever, eat it, doesn't matter. It'd be better if it was. Not overcooked. Absolutely, but here it is. Let's just put it in our bodies. And he's like, I actually can't eat this. I'm like, what? Anyway, my gross food, even my kids think this is disgusting. Is a can of tuna. I'm very into tuna right now because it's so utilitarian. You can just have it on your shelf. It has a pretty high nutritional content. The the protein is out of this world, so you just pop the can open. If you get good, clean, safe tuna you're in a, you're like in a good, it's, it's like the best of both worlds, right? You're like getting great nutrition and it's convenient. So I open a can of tuna, throw that in a bowl. I keep the liquid because I learned that's where most of the omegas are. And fish. I don't drain my tuna. So now we have this chunk of tuna in a water, in, in its wateriness, in the bowl. And then I put a couple heap beings of kimchi on top and I mash it all together and I eat that like on a salad or on bread or something like that. And the. The kimchi fermentation, spiciness mixed with the tuna and, and like, you could totally doctor this up and make it crazy and do like, put in some other veggies, put in some other spices, make it creamy with mayonnaise or whatever. You could like, make it a little more. I don't know. What'd you say? Gourmet. But I don't, I just love putting these two really random things together and it's delicious to me. I love it so much.

Kelly 11:42

Did you like stumble upon this? Like you just like, this sounds good, I'm gonna try it. Or was somebody like, you should put this together.'cause Kim kimchi, I, I'm like, I'm making my way in fermented foods. I, I'm not like you. I like, I need to train my palate to like certain things which I'm doing with fermented foods.'cause I know they're super important and I've like, I've made my way up kimchi. Maybe it's the fermentation with the spice or something. I'm like working my way. I know it's, I know it's good. And I know a lot of people say like, I love it and I want to like it. Maybe I, maybe that's just my lot in life. It just won't be my thing. But like were you like, Ooh, I love kimchi and I love tuna. I'm just gonna put that together. Or did you like see somebody do this? And you were like, that sounds delicious.

Tiffany 12:31

I do not remember seeing somebody do this. This is just the way my brain, like I open the fridge, I think about what do I need to eat here, and then I move forward with that plan. And then, like you said, I'm okay with like eating the same thing over and over and over again. So now it's just like a staple, probably once or twice a week. I'm like tuna, kimchi, but I love. I love fermented food. I love that bitter sour taste, and I love spicy food. So to me, kimchi is like the perfect combination. But every time I open the jar of it, I mean, right now they have it at Costco, they have these huge things with kimchi, I. Every time I open the jar of it, my kids are like, oh my gosh, open a window. Like, don't eat that by me. Like, but I feel like that's the same way tuna can kind of be like a little bit for extra fragrant. And so I feel like if we had this combination of your hard boiled egg and my tuna and kimchi, we could just make like the most. Sewage smelling kitchen

Kelly 13:38

We

Tiffany 13:38

and then eat it.

Kelly 13:40

our kids would not be around us. So that is potentially a thought provoking thing for you to come over. And maybe we just make it and our kids just, that's how we get our alone hangout time. kids run away.

Tiffany 13:55

Oh my gosh, that's such a good idea. That's how we get them to leave us alone stinky food. Oh, this is great. Really good. And then every time they come in we're like, do you want bite? Do you want bite? I know my kids are so bad. I'm like, I'm like I, I'm like, my kids are starting to point out how my sense of humor is more immature than theirs now. And they're just like, oh my gosh, mom, come on. So every single time I do something they don't like, I'm like, oh, do you want some. Do you want some kimchi an and they're like, that's, that wasn't funny the last time you did it. That's not funny. This time

Kelly 14:33

but here I am laughing'cause I'm like, that's that's good.

Tiffany 14:37

here, I'm

Kelly 14:37

like troll

Tiffany 14:38

so funny.

Kelly 14:38

kids as they get older is one of the joys of life.

Tiffany 14:44

Got character building. I say top priority as a, as a parent character building.

Kelly 14:50

Yep.

Tiffany 14:51

Okay. I, I'm so excited to get into this birth conversation because when we asked Instagram, I. What they wanted the podcast to be in this season. It was like overwhelmingly birth stories, birth stories, birth stories, birth stories. And boy do we have a lot of them to share. So I'm really excited to get rolling on our very first birth story of this podcast season. But I also wanted to read a review real quick because the I forgot they expire. Our podcast reviews, they only hold, I think 10 of'em at a time. They only show the last 10. And since we haven't recorded in so long, we have a couple built up. So I wanna share one of them today. Then we'll jump into this really great birth story. This review is from Marielle 3, 3, 9, 7 Marielle. If you hear, if you tell us that you heard us read your review on the show, we will buy you a drink. And that goes for anyone who will rate and review us. If we read your review, that means it has to be like nice, encouraging, uplifting five stars.

Kelly 16:00

We will

Tiffany 16:01

If we read your review on the show. I did read one four Star review once, but I think it's because she. Really all the things she said were five star ish. I think she meant to give us five stars. Anyway, this is what Marielle says. I would fan girl if I met these two. Oh, I hope we get to meet you one day. Marielle. I've been following beautiful one midwifery on Instagram for a few years now, but have only recently begun to listen to the podcast. Good move, Muriel. Very good move as per usual, these ladies are chockfull of knowledge, compassion, and joy in their chosen profession. And if I didn't live so far away, they would be my dream midwives for any future pregnancies I. That's saying quite a lot beyond pregnancy, they share so much wisdom on all things women's health that I just love to suggest'em to any woman looking to feel their best. This podcast is such a treasure as are Kelly. Tiffany, thanks for sharing your womanly wisdom and insight. Ladies, exclamation mark. You're welcome, Marielle. This is what we're here for. We're here for this.

Kelly 17:04

I mean, we've, we say it consist it's, we love to have these conversations. It feels like sometimes we're just talking. I mean, we are technically just talking to each other, the fact that then this conversation goes out into the world and somebody else listens to it, even if it was one person that like it. Impacts whatever the topic is, right? it impacts them in a significant way, and then they could look at their relationship with their own health, or their births or their family, whatever differently, or like more intentionally that is. It's like mind blowing to me that we get to do that. It's super cool. It's one of like the biggest blessings that has come out of all of this that like what we get to talk about here lands well with anybody is just super cool. Or when people come talk to us on like Instagram, they're like following you helped me realize like, actually I do want a home birth and here's my home birth baby that I had like two weeks ago and I'm so happy, whatever. And I'm like. What it's, it's just a cool like love hate thing, whatever with technology, but like what a cool thing that we get to like be in people's lives in this particular way. I don't know. It's super cool.

Tiffany 18:21

Yeah, I mean, and how amazing. It's like 2025 and we can help women have really great births virtually just because of. Technology and internet and stuff, and I have to remind myself of that because sometimes that place is dangerous and.

Kelly 18:41

Mm-hmm.

Tiffany 18:42

Sad and overwhelming, but be, but because of it, we get to stay. We get to connect with so many women looking for more information and alternatives. And I don't think it's that women don't understand that there are other options. I think that they are looking for someone to say, this is possible here. This is exactly how to do it.

Kelly 19:01

Yep.

Tiffany 19:02

So let's jump into this birth, because I feel like this story kind of parallels that concept of like, this is possible. Experiencing that possibility and seeing that it's possible to have a positive birth experience is like the overarching thing for this particular family. I feel like.

Kelly 19:20

Mm-hmm.

Tiffany 19:21

And Kelly, I'm gonna like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave it over to you quite a bit and maybe like ask you some questions for you to kind of, share more about this particular story because this family was is a family that you've been connected with for a long time. They're really good friends of yours, and you kind of took the lead on their care and I was able to support a little bit more peripherally. But you were in, in, with this family in their journey from the very beginning when they weren't choosing midwifery. Talk about that a little bit.

Kelly 19:52

Yeah, so known this family forever. It's been super sweet to watch them. You know, meet each other, fall in love, decide that they were ready to start a family. And as somebody in the birth world, I know you experienced this as well, or if like a, you know, doula or whatever is listening, you're the person usually that people come to, to be like, let me just like ask a couple questions. I'm kind of interested in this particular idea. Let me just like, you know, kind of figure a couple things out. And so I was the person, like the sounding board of like, Hey, I'm really interested in having a natural birth. What does that really, how do I prepare for that? What is that like? Do I really want that? What are the other options? All of the things, right? So being a home birth midwife, it's a little bit different because I'm like, I mean, I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not biased, right? Like, I think if you're desiring a low risk situation and you and your pregnancy all, everything about it is low risk. Home is a great option to at least start with, right? We could move up if we need to. But she chose to have her baby in hospital, which like, again, zero judgment whatsoever. But she went into her birth feeling really prepared, right? Being like, I took my class. I feel like I have the tools. She has been an athlete for, you know, her. and feels like, you know, I, I know how to put my blinders on and be like, I can do hard things and really focus. And so it was an interesting experience just being on sort of the outside watching that. And watching sort of that birth unfold into something that was very much not what she wanted, not what dad wanted. It I'll give a little bit of context to that birth. It was a precipitous birth, which means like, it's like three hours and under, or is it under three hours? I forget if it's, what exact little terminology is there, but she woke up, inactive labor, woke up like thrown out of bed, basically. I'm gonna assume in transition. And everything happened very quickly. A lot of women would be like, oh goodness, I labored for days and days. I would love a really fast birth. Sometimes that's feels great, right? I've had one of those where I was like, this is incredible. Right? It goes so quickly and my body is, you know, keeping up with it. Her body, her mind, her hormones, everything was like five steps behind. The, like the entire time. So it felt like an absolute freight train running into her. And it was a really hard, intense labor that was met with a lot of you need to do this. Stop, stop doing that. Get on your back. All of the things where, you know, she's trying to grab a hold of something because everything feels out of control and nothing really felt. nothing felt grabbable at that point. And so it was, it felt really traumatic for her. And the recovery was really traumatic. The birth itself felt traumatic in terms of tearing and all of that. And again, the recovery was brutal, like months of feeling not like herself. And so then she steps back and says. I know you said that birth could be great, but dude, birth sucks. Like that experience really sucked. And so walking through that was, you know, with somebody that I love was really interesting because I'm like, Ooh, these. You know, like your experience is now telling you that this particular, you know thing that your body can do or way that you can grow your family is traumatic and terrible and hard. There are lots of tears. So just was just a reminder also that like, you know, we always say it, but like, birth matters so much and this really impacted her for. For a long time in terms of processing of becoming a mom and growing her family.

Tiffany 23:41

Yeah. And like your brain is trying to protect you, right? Your brain is trying to say, that was awful. Don't let that happen again. But when it, when it turns into unprocessed trauma, I. You really do feel stuck. You can feel totally stuck in the experience and not having somebody to help you kind of walk through that and process that. I absolutely see how women's stories about how they give birth in the future completely changes and alters because of their experience. But we got to see this particular mom. Actually process it and, and ladies who are listening pro ending up processing quite a bit in the next pregnancy is normal. Completely normal to have a really, really hard, difficult birth. Say just like in faith, I'm gonna figure out how to try to have a different experience. I have absolutely no idea how that will be. And then. Making some different decisions, getting some more support on board and planning on it coming up quite a bit in that next pregnancy as you prepare for your next birth. So what was that like, Kelly? What was the second experience like for her?

Kelly 24:58

Yeah. So had always planned, he came from a big family. She came from a pretty large family. They'd always planned to have like all of these kids, right?

Tiffany 25:05

I.

Kelly 25:06

then they had their first, and she was like, I don't know if I can do that again. I don't know if I want any more kids. Like, if I'm gonna have a second, do I just want to like, I. Call it in and get a C-section and be done with it. Right. And so there was, yeah, like there was a lot of questioning of what is the right path to make this less traumatic for both of us, and particularly for her. Right? And so there was lots of, you know, Hey, can we come over for dinner? Hey, let's hang out. Right? And then slowly the conversations started to turn to like, so what would've happened if X, Y, Z, right? Oh, what do you guys do about this? Hey, I was watching this video, you know, and she's asking lots of questions, and as they found out they were pregnant with their second, I, I didn't feel like I had to like convince them. But there was a, there was a conversation that we had where she was like, don't really care where I give birth. I just have to, I know something has to be different. I cannot, I cannot do that again. And she's excited about being pregnant, but she's crying also because she's like. The trauma from that experience was just so heavy and so much and so once they decided like, Hey, we want something different, we have to go forward and choose something different. We have to say, I don't want to, I don't wanna like enter back into the trauma if I don't have to. And that place holds trauma. That idea of going into a hospital holds trauma now. And so yeah, so they decided like, Hey, let's, like surrender this. Let's make a completely different decision and just see what happens. She was fully anticipating it sucking, right? She was like, this is, I get it. This is gonna be terrible, but at least I'll have. the comfort of my own home. At least I'll have my friend there with me at least, right? Like there's some pieces that she was like, maybe that will like temper the traumatic experience that I'm about to enter into. And there was a lot of processing throughout. Really just lots of fear that was kind of worked through. then, you know, right, you get to the end of pregnancy and you're like, I'm so done being pregnant. I like want labor to happen. And she found herself in that place, which was so cool because I was like, forever. I was like, oh my gosh, she's not gonna want labor right to happen and kind of fight against it. But once it happened, it happened. In a way that was like much more manageable both time-wise, right? But just the emotional piece of her truly being in control and making decisions. Who was there, what position she wanted to be in, like finding her, her bearings and her grounding. It was the sweetest thing for me to witness because I'm like, I'm not really doing much here. Right? I'm not really like clinically doing much, but I'm just here witnessing this and just being here to be like the hand of support and to to see her. Move forward in faith and trust and push her baby out and hold her baby in the way that she wanted to, and to be present minded, to be like, love you. That was not terrible, right? Like that was hard, but oh my gosh, that was like night and day different. And then her recovery also was very different. It was hard. There was pieces of it that were very hard for her, but infinitely. Other right than what she had experienced. So she was like, whoa, birth, birth can, birth can totally be different. It can suck, but you can, it feels like she just felt supported in a, in completely different way that then that made her view, birth her body, the experience differently. And I was like, that all comes back to not just like, it wasn't us that gave her that. Right. It was like she. She made a different decision from the get go. I'm not gonna enter back into that. And it was such a beautiful thing to witness. We see so many women who have these traumatic first births who then shift over and say, I'm gonna do something different this time. Of course, we wish that that first birth was just right, like a different experience or a different decision was made or whatever. But witnessing a woman who has gone through something really, really hard in birth and then, hmm. You know, hold that responsibility and say, I don't wanna do that again. I don't wanna enter into that again and I'm gonna make a different decision. Is like so cool to witness on on this end. I know it's so empowering for women and all of that, but like as midwives we get to see a lot of women do that and it's really like pretty awesome to, to witness that transition and that kind of holding of power again.

Tiffany 29:47

It was incredible to be a part of that experience too. I just remember us delivering the news that she didn't need a vaginal repair after that second birth, and she just burst into tears immediately. It was like the sweetest relief. She could not believe that. Her that she just knew automatically that the postpartum recovery was gonna be different for her and really cool, really cool to be a part of that. Okay, so that's her second birth, her second experience, this particular birth story that we're sharing today was her. Third. So tell us a little bit about that situation. Same thing now. They're really on board. There's probably no question in their mind that they're gonna try to replicate that situation again, but I. Talk a little bit about her pregnancy and some of the challenges that she had in pregnancy, because there's always something, right?

Kelly 30:42

Yes.

Tiffany 30:42

There's always some type of challenge that were brought through as moms throughout the process of meeting our babies, that kind of forces us to surrender, forces us to be in the moment, forces us to, to grow and let go of control. And this, this particular mom hadn't. There was no exception for her. She, she was a, she had the advantage of working through some of those challenges and coming out stronger too. So tell us a little bit about that.

Kelly 31:11

Yeah. So when they got pregnant with their third, they again, they knew like, okay, home birth, midwifery care. I am like super, super on board. And so that was not even a question and she was like, there are a couple things that I hope are like slightly different about my birth, but you know, like if, even if it was copy and pasted. I would feel wonderful, like I would feel great. And so throughout her pregnancy you know, everything was straightforward in terms of like her staying low risk and all of that good stuff. But she dealt with a lot of fatigue and, she was just like, I don't feel like myself what is going on here? She was utilizing her insurance for lab work. Who the provider there looked at her, you know, like very general labs and was like, well, you're not anemic, you're not that like everything is fine, right? I checked your TSH, I checked all these things, right? Everything is fine. You're no worries. It's just that pregnancy is hard, right? And she was like, okay. And then, so you know, we're talking and she's like, well, you know, just pregnancy is hard. And I'm like, well, yeah, it can be hard, but let's dig a little bit deeper. Right? And so we got to say, Hey, let's do these tests. Let's try these supplements, let's, you know, shift a couple of these things and see what happens. Right? And so, digging a little bit deeper on a more in-depth iron panel, it was very, very clear. Her ferritin was like. In the absolute basement. It was so low where everything else in her, you know, blood work was looking great for the most part. Her thyroid was struggling a little bit, and so there were these pieces that I was like. Hey, your provider's completely missing this and or like, you know, this insurance provider is completely missing this. Let's be proactive. Let's treat this thing. Let's like, go hard at this and see, just see how you feel. Right? And a few days later, like literally almost like a, you know, snap, she texts and is like. I, my, I'm getting my life back. Basically. Like I woke up today and was like, ah, I'm like awake. I'm present. I'm here. I can take my kids to the park. I, you know, all of these things, right? That she was like, I haven't been able to do this because I've needed to take all of these naps. Everything about my life, I just like, couldn't even, she's like, here I am. She was like, send me a picture. Here I am making dinner for my family. Right? Being able to actually enjoy her pregnancy again and just be a part of her life. And that was just a part that I'm like, man. If, I mean, of course we can do our own research and all of that, but like if you hadn't had the in information and education of midwifery care, you would've just been like, everybody, doesn't pregnancy just suck? And this is just my lot in life like is to, you know, hate it. And so that was super cool to. Super cool to witness. As the pregnancy progressed, her baby was sitting very, very low. And I was like, oh, man. Right? Like somebody who's had fast labors, I was like, this baby's, you know, when the baby's ready, the baby's gonna come. You know, it felt like very quickly she was like, this baby's gonna come early. And I never ever am like, yeah, I think so too. Right? And so in my head though, I'm like. I could totally see that happening. Your baby feels, you know, large, it feels very low. All of the things that I was like, who? Who knows, right? But of course this is the long her pregnancy went on the longest that she had been pregnant. If you have had your first baby in like your 39th week, I. If you have your baby in the 40th or 41st week, you know later you were like, something is wrong, right? You start to think like, no, this is when I have my babies. This is what I'm, you know, this is what my body does, right? So the longer she stayed pregnant, there was lots of fighting that I think she had to do in her mind of what does my body do? What? Is gonna happen. There's a lot of, like if now, you know, in, in California we have a 42 week kind of cutoff mark legally to attend births at home. And so she was starting to think about, oh, if that happens, if we get to that mark and now I don't have a home birth, that means I have to enter back into that place that I am very specifically trying to avoid. And so there were many days of lots of processing, crying, praying. Right, trying to surrender, but wanting all of the information, wanting to control some things. And so it came to the point that she was like, I wanna try to get this baby out. Like now I wanna, I wanna do what we can do at home to kind of nat quote, naturally induce right? Natural induction techniques. Are still something that we're doing right? There's still something that we're trying to push on somebody, even if it's not Pitocin, right? We're still trying to say, Hey, we want my, we want your body to do something that it's not yet potentially ready to do. And so we're always a little conservative with that. We always wanna wait as long as we can, but at the same time, this particular situation, wanted to give her the power of. I mean, she already had the power. I didn't have to give it to her. Right. But like, I wanted her to feel that power of, of her wanting to do something and being in charge of that, and me saying, absolutely, like, I'm gonna support you while I think, yeah. Could you wait? Of course. Of course you could. It was, it was important. I felt like, to have stand in that and say, this is the decision I'm making and I need you to. You know, just be supportive of

Tiffany 36:28

Support.

Kelly 36:29

Yeah. Like whether or not you agree with what I am doing or not. Right. so gave her all of these options, lots of suggestions, all of the things, and she's implementing them, picking and choosing the way that she wants to. Right. It turned out, it kind of like lagged into days of her trying things. And she texted me one morning and is like, is it okay if I just take a break today? I am like done. I'm emotionally done, I'm physically done. She's like, I slept in like three hours later than I normally do. And that just, I was like, good for you. That's wonderful. But I was like, yes, absolutely, please, like, just try to enjoy your day. Right. Go about your day and surrender that. Spend some time in prayer and just like en enjoy your kids, enjoy your husband, just enjoy the day. And of course we're not surprised that that was the day later on, that she was like, is a hundred percent game time. which was, it was cool for you and I to kind of process that too, of like, how awesome that. Again, she was in complete control of some of these pieces, but when she kind of came to that place of like, man, I can't do this anymore. I'm just gonna like, let, I just, I just need a moment. the surrender to her body to, you know, the timing, all of the things actually allowed. Labor to begin on its own, and I was like, look at what your body is doing on its own right. It was, it was cool to witness on that end.

Tiffany 38:03

Yeah, and for those who are listening. The she, it's her third baby. It's a very low presentation in her pelvis. She's gone almost a week past her due date. She asked for a pelvic exam. She's eight centimeters. Her baby's low. She asks for a membrane sweep multiple times, right? Two or three days in a row.

Kelly 38:30

Yep.

Tiffany 38:30

She is taking homeopathy. She did a round of herbs. She did a round of castor oil. And again, it wasn't exactly our, our full induction protocol. If we needed to get a, a labor going, we would've hid it a little bit harder in a very specific way. That's a little bit more evidence-based, but, excuse me. She is, she's dabbling in all of these pieces. Her body appears to be very ripe and ready, and yet. We do not have control over that. Sometimes it's not as simple as just nudging things over the line.

Kelly 39:09

Mm-hmm.

Tiffany 39:10

So there, there's absolute validity to recognizing we're not in complete control. There is a rhyme and reason to when our body decides that the baby is ready and our body is ready. And that's important. That's an important piece to pay attention to, I think in this story. In light of the fact that she had to reach that point after just getting to her, the end of her own frustration. But I want the listeners to understand too, that like sometimes it appears that all of these pieces are in place and still we have to recognize that the design is good, that your baby is going to come, that your body is going to re respond. But it, it's, it's something beyond what we understand completely. Right? And like the mystery of that. We can honor the mystery of that.

Kelly 40:02

Yeah, absolutely. And what you mentioned it kind of in passing, she, when she asked for a membrane, so she wanted to see like, is my body doing anything? I've had some like, you know, Braxton Hicks, what's going on? Right? I go into check her and her baby is so low and her cervix is so. Just thin and ready. Right. It feels like if I checked you and you were in, I would be like, you're in, you're in labor, is what it feels like right in there. And I was able to stretch her to seven or eight centimeters. That's, and she's not in labor, right? She's just hanging out. And so even if I had gone in and it had been hard and closed and all of that, I would've been like, you could have your baby tonight still. Right. And so that also, I just wanna mention too, it's just like. do. If you're not in labor, it doesn't really mean anything. Right. And so that's a little, I mean, I don't really do, we don't really do vaginal exams often, so it was really f like kind of fun for me to kind of assess what was going on and to be like, oh yeah, this is one of the reasons that like, we don't emphasize this because it doesn't, I don't know, you could be pregnant for another week. I don't know. Right. Or you could have your baby tonight and I would be like, yes, this tracks also. And so. When she actually went into labor. It was wild though. I've had a doula client who was very similar, who walked around at like seven centimeters for a week or something, and she was like, my baby's gonna fall out when I start labor. She had a normal, you know, like eight hour labor from there. And so it didn't necessarily impact the length of labor. mom, she has a history of quick births. And once contractions started, she had two or three of them and called me. That's pretty quick for somebody to make the call of like, yes, this is happening. But from her first one, she was like, today is the day. So she called and she's like, I just wanna let you know, just kind of be prepared for whatever I need you and whatever. And I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get ready. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna be prepared. Right? I let you know you were out shopping with your kids and I was like, yeah, yeah, like, your way this way. But like, had three contractions. Like, I think we're gonna be okay. And I'm not kidding, like, know, five to 10 minutes later. Her husband called and immediately was, he just said one sentence. He was like, we're ready for you to come, hangs up. And I was like, what is happening over there? What's happened in the last 12 minutes that all of a sudden you need me so quickly? And thankfully I was just hanging out at home. My husband was home, my kids were like, had all you know, like there was nothing that they needed to do or go anywhere or whatever. It could not have been better timing for me at least, to get somewhere very, very quickly. And I was able to get there in time. As I'm calling you, I'm like I don't know exactly where you are, but wherever you are, just come to me now.

Tiffany 42:58

Yeah, and I came, I was planning on taking my kids home, leaving them at home, and then coming to join you at the birth, but based off of the urgency in your announcement, I just brought'em with me. It was the first time I ever brought my kids to a birth, which was really kind of funny that we've been doing this for so long and we've had some really fast births like this happen. Or we've been stuck in certain situations where. We don't have childcare or something. Right. And yet we've just never actually brought our kids with us to birth before. So it's kind of fun to talk with my girls about that. Like, she's probably gonna have her baby before we get there, but if she doesn't, here's the things you might see and hear and here how this is how you're gonna be behave. Just basically be invisible and daddy will come pick you up at some point, I'm sure. So that was like actually kind of a blessing to be that. I could talk through that with my kids and get to share, get to share something about what their bodies are gonna do one day. Right. That was, that was cool. But so I arrive, the baby's already been born by the time I get there. So what happened between the time that you got there and I got there?

Kelly 44:08

What's funny is youngest, her dream was for us to be out running errands and this mom go into labor so that, so that my youngest had to come with me because she loves the kids. We got to do all of our, like, prenatal things where all the kids were all playing, like it was very sweet. Relational. I just, she was like kind of salty that your kid's allowed to be there and she didn't after the fact. But yes, so I show up, praise the Lord. We weren't on call for anybody else and I had left my birth kit there. I had basically set up everything in case a situation like this happened where we were just like coming in hot. So for the most part, everything was set up. I had to do a couple extra things, but like. was so thankful in that moment that most I had done the work kind of preemptively for some of those things.'cause I could just be there and be like, let's listen to your baby. And she was so happy that like baby sounded great, all of that. And then she was like, it was like blinders. She was like, I'm just in the zone. I rubbed my back. She's telling her husband exactly what she wanted, right? Or like, a little bit more of this, none of that. But they're trying to fill the tub up, right? And so the tub takes a while to fill up. It's a lot of water. We're trying to get the temperature, you know, as best we can for getting her in as quickly as possible because she's saying, I feel like I need to poop. I know what you're gonna say. I know that's my baby. Like, but I wanna go sit on the toilet, but I don't wanna have a toilet baby. I wanna get in the water. Right? And she's working through all of the things, but she was like, I'm just gonna take a few more here and then I'm gonna get in the water. And I was like. Great. That sounds like a wonderful plan. She's breathing very quickly. I'm like, man, this is happening so quickly. I mean, this is right barely a half an hour since, you know, they had called me to come over and I'm there, we're working through some things. But she gets in the water, the, the water's filling and I'm like, oh, if she has like four more contractions before she has her baby, I think we'll have enough water.'cause she wanted to get on her hands and knees. I was like looking, and I'm like that I'm gonna have to either get you up or get you in a different position, right. To make sure your baby's born completely underwater. But I'm trying not to like, you know, tell her what to do because I'm like, that is piece of her trauma. Right. And I'm trying to just be like, you need to do what you need to do. the timing worked out perfectly. The water was just high enough as she is, you know, kind of rocking on back and forth on the side of the tub. And as her baby is starting to descend and she, you know, I hear the difference in her breath and all of that. She just kept saying. I'm gonna breathe my baby out. I'm breathing my baby out. I'm breathing my baby out. Right? And she literally did. And there's no like right, wrong, good, bad way to birth your baby. Like you can be yelling and screaming and pushing as hard as you can. And that can still be very empowering for this situation, for everything that happens so quickly and her to feel in control still and remind herself of that. Like I didn't even have to say anything. She was in charge of that. Right. And pushed and. Breathed her baby right out. She was always like, I'm not sure if I can catch my own baby. I'm kind of in another world when that happens. was the only option, right? I was like, moved her baby underneath her legs as they came out just so smoothly, so easily, and she lifted her baby up and just immediately started crying and was like. I didn't know it could get better. Right. I didn't know it could get better. E, every single time. Obviously the first time was so traumatic the second time she was like, that was so different. So this must be the best. Right. And this experience blew everything out of the water for her because she was like, this is ex, if I could write it up, this is exactly what I would've wanted. And her postpartum recovery has been. Infinitely easier than the other two and more comfortable and all of the things. Right? So she's like kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop of like something about this has to suck. Right? But like her baby is super sweet nursing really well, she feels great, right? All of the pieces that, it's super cool. I feel like we spent most of the time, this is like before the birth itself, right? Kind of leading up to that because that mattered so much. And then for her to just experience this very straightforward. yet, like very grounded experience. Immediately she was like, well, when we have another baby, right? And I'm like, oh, we're doing, we're talking about that already, right? We went from, I don't know if I want more than one to how many babies can I have? Please.'cause I love this. I'm addicted to this now. That's like just such a cool thing that we get to witness on the periphery of, of all of this.

Tiffany 48:41

Yeah, and I think that women sometimes feel, they go to these really opposite sides of the spectrum of like, what's the formula? How do I make sure that I have as good of experience as possible? I will do whatever it takes to the other side of this. Spectrum that's like, well, I'm not in control of anything, and so I'm not going to get my hopes up and try to have a certain experience because none of it is in my control anyways, and in instead, the ideal would be landing in the middle and knowing the difference between what you can control and should. And what you need to let go of and be okay with pieces that are not in your control. And it's, it can feel like a really nuanced thing, but what we get to see in this particular story is her kind of unlearning and then rebuilding. Going about birth the first time in the way that she thinks it should be done, because that's how it's done around her recognizing, oh my gosh, there were pieces of this, this foundation that were completely unsteady. Having to pull back and spend the time to rebuild some of those foundational pieces about what do I have control over, what do I need to be flexible on? What do I, you know what, how can I get. More comfortable and confident with some of these ideas so that the, the, the birth, the event, the product of what I, what work I need to do and what work I need to stop doing, right. This balance of figuring that out. Can, can sometimes take somebody three pregnancies and three births to piece together, and that is a beautiful, beautiful story for her to end up in the place where she's at. But I want women who are listening those that have the opportunity to hear. It doesn't, it doesn't have to take three births. You don't have to, you don't absolutely have to. It might be a part of your story. And redemptive births are absolutely incredible and very, very meaningful for women and in the lives of their. Families, but we can put some of these foundational pieces in place for the first birth. We can have the type of support to understand what do we have control over, what is good and right to prepare for, and what do we hold with an open hand and. That's the, that's what I want women to hear in this, in this story, is that it is figureoutable and you don't always have to have the, the hard experience to figure it out.

Kelly 51:27

And so it's, it's sweet on our end to to see some of those redemptive births happen. But when from the get go are like. Hey, I'm learning some things and I'm realizing this may be the, the best decision for me, whatever that decision actually is in terms of the learning and the, you know, all of that. I. And, and going for it, right? And understanding, Hey, how can I treat my body? Well, Hey, how can I prepare for this? All of that, like, it's so much, it's so much more than just the birth, right? It's so much. There's so much leading up to it, which like the birth story that we told today was probably just a few minutes, but talking about all of these other pieces that lead up to it, that matter, that shifted even her experience of her pregnancy and being able to enjoy it, all of that. That's one of the best parts of midwifery care that we get to be a part of is just this like proactive support and question answering and relationship building and support for, oh, pregnancy is just, it's just hard, right? No. Well, yes, but also here are all of these things that can help ease a lot of these burdens, and so that's one of our, one of our favorite things about being able to provide this type of care. One of the many, many reasons too that we created a childbirth course that really is able to say, here's, here's that like proactive nature. Here's that education piece that most women are not getting, and. You know, their providers are missing or don't necessarily care about, or don't even know about. And here's actually how to support yourself during pregnancy. Here's actually how to prepare yourself for this physiological experience. Here are things to think about. And again, while we, nobody can say, here's the outcome that you're going to get, but that al that's like. That's part of this journey. Right? That's part, it's a huge part of it is that preparation piece. It's, again, it's, it's not just about the birth. There's so many pieces that come along with it that equally matter. And I, yeah, I just see that so much in this story for sure. And obviously not just this story, like we've seen it play out over and over again too.

Tiffany 53:38

Yeah, the philosophy of how you're being taught about birth and how you're being supported absolutely matters. So if those of you who are listening are interested in childbirth education, that is philosophically consistent with some of the things that we're talking about today. Grab the link in our show notes. You can also utilize a code Radiant 10. Radiant one Zero is gonna get you 10% off of our childbirth education course right now. So you can, you can take a look at that and, and utilize that discount code. And then, continue to take in some of these stories and some of these pieces and see how when somebody ends up with the type of birth that you want to have, looking for those threads, looking for that consistency in the, in what the familiar pieces are so that. It gives you confidence, it starts, your brain starts to recognize, oh, that's, those are some of the things that lead to the type of birth experience I want to have. And we're gonna be sharing a lot more of those. Like I said in, in the podcast, I'll have a lot of birth stories in the lineup. So that's it for today. But keep your eyes peeled for many more birth stories to come, and this was just quite a joy to be able to share with everybody.

Kelly 54:54

We'll catch you next week ladies.

54:58

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