3 Tips for Highly Sensitive Homeschool Moms

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If you're overwhelmed and overstimulated, you're probably searching for help, and other moms are often full of well-meaning advice... but what about when none of it seems to help?!

>>Their version of "Together time" is NOT working.
>>Your school time takes longer than everyone else's.
>>And you wake up early to start your day and still feel drained. 

You might be tempted to look around and think, "Maybe I'm just not meant to homeschool?" or "Maybe we're the only ones struggling this far into the year?" 

Let's think again. It's time to reframe that. Join Whitney as she debunks these well-meaning, blanket pieces of advice as a highly sensitive mom herself.

• What is a highly sensitive person?
• 3 common tips that might not work for highly sensitive moms 
• Why they don't work
• What to try instead

Learn more about:

• Sleep podcast episode here ( Season 2 Episode 3)
• Highly Sensitive Moms blog 
• Highly sensitive person self-test
• Highly Sensitive Podcast Episode

This podcast is not meant as medical advice or a substitute for any medical advice. Please contact your health professional with any mental health or physical health questions or concerns.

Transcript

 Hey there, homeschool moms. It's spring and I'm wondering if anyone else feels like maybe you never really hit your stride with homeschooling this year. I remember thinking that, wow, some people are planning for next year already, and sometimes this time of year with homeschooling. I've felt so overwhelmed and frustrated with how our year has gone that I didn't even know if we were going to be homeschooling in fall.

So if that is you, then know that you are not alone. Today we are going to be diving into three common pieces of homeschooling advice and why those pieces of advice might not work for you and what to try instead. Also, that you can go from feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed to feeling connected and enjoying this life.

Most days if you've asked for help from well-meaning friends and feel like it has just not worked for you, or maybe it has worked but not for long, then it's time to stop fitting a square peg in a round hole and getting frustrated if you've tried everything from systems to routines or therapy books, changing your homeschool curriculum again.

And you still feel touched out and talked out, then I am so glad that we found each other here. I'm Whitney. I'm an occupational therapist, turn homeschool mom, and now I coach other moms to help you create your own connection and calm in this life that can be pretty chaotic. Today we are going to look at those three things that might work for other people, but may not work for you if you tend to feel touched out, talked out.

Maybe you're a highly sensitive person and what you can try instead so that you can feel more connected and present. So first, let's get right to it. I think you need to understand a little bit about what a highly sensitive person is. I. To really get why these things might not work for you. I won't go into a lot of detail because I have a longer episode specifically about highly sensitive people, what that is, and I also have a blog, so I will put those linked down in the show notes.

But just doing a fly flyby here, a highly sensitive person, is not an official quote unquote diagnosis, but it's a set of traits to help you better understand yourself and those around you. Really highly sensitive people are not that uncommon. About 20% or one in five people worldwide are thought to be highly sensitive.

So if you think that these things sound a little bit like you read up on it and see what you think, it'll help you understand yourself a little bit better, or those around you. If you feel overstimulated easily, that might be a sign that you could be a highly sensitive person. So a highly sensitive person looks like someone who is overstimulated easily by the senses that tell you about the world around you.

Oftentimes, those senses are sight and sound and touch. Sometimes highly sensitive people are emotionally more sensitive and perceptive to those around them. If you hear or have heard a lot in your life. You're just too sensitive. Then I can't tell you how many times I have heard that, especially as a child, you might be a highly sensitive person.

If you feel like alone time is an absolute necessity to you like breathing and water, then you are probably a highly sensitive person. If you have a really rich internal thought life. And maybe you are really creative, then you might be a highly sensitive person. So if any of those ring a bell, check it out.

I'll also put a link in the show notes about a self quiz and it will help you determine whether or not you think you might fit that box. Again, just to better understand yourself and those around you. I'm convinced that many moms who homeschool have to be highly sensitive people. Especially if we have kids who might have special needs or be neurodivergent in some way.

This is just my theory, right? This is because we are extra perceptive to our kids' needs and struggles, and oftentimes we are willing to do what will help our child succeed. Even if it costs us our own peace and sanity. So now that we've established a little bit about what a highly sensitive person is, let's get to those three things that might work for other people, but probably won't work for you.

Okay. Number one, people might say wake up early before the kids. To start your day before them. So this might work in some seasons of life, but sometimes it really doesn't. And why not? I mean, highly sensitive people certainly need time alone to ourself, to process, and just be alone with our thoughts. So why wouldn't this be helpful for us?

Well, I'm here to tell you that it's not always helpful because. It can be counterproductive if you are not already getting sufficient sleep. I'm specifically talking about cutting your own valuable restorative sleep short for the sake of getting me time to reduce stress. It, it's counterproductive if you are getting sufficient sleep and I truly hope that you are.

I hope your kids sleep well and that they sleep through the night. Then by all means, wake up early. I know that I enjoy that on the days that, uh, are after my kids have slept well. But if you are struggling to find sustained energy and patience throughout your day, and you're waking up early because everyone else tells you to do it like it's some sort of magic bullet, make sure you are actually getting restorative sleep at night before you do that.

Restorative sleep is seven to nine hours. If you want to learn more about sleep, I'll put a link in the show notes to a podcast episode about sleep. So what do you do instead if this is not an option? So I totally get needing to spend some time to yourself before you have to be in mom mode. My question though is maybe could you outsource something like breakfast to someone else?

And take that time to drink your coffee alone on the porch or maybe in your bedroom. I have moved my coffee maker to my bedroom before so that I could do it before my kids knew I was awake. That's right. Could I even be crazy enough to suggest that maybe sometimes you let your kids start their day with screen time?

I know, I know I say this as a pediatric OT who like swore off screens from my kids, but I'm telling you, strategic use of screens can sometimes be a lifeline. Find a low stimulation educational program that you and your kids like and go hop in the shower and be alone. Whatever solution you choose, just.

Be in clear communication with your kids about what's going on and be consistent with it, and don't be so hard on yourself, mom. Okay, so let's truck on along to number two. Finish your homeschool before lunch and you will have the whole day ahead of you. Yes, it took me a long time to realize that this was not a good fit.

For me and my family, why not? I mean, it sounds good in theory, right? And I would actually kind of like it if my days would work out that way, but here's why they don't. Rushing leaves you with nothing left to give. Rushing is one of the worst things that you can do for your stress levels and your nervous system.

If you don't give yourself permission to listen to your body and mind in the morning hours, and maybe even take a break for yourself, then you and your kids will pay a price for it, and you probably won't enjoy the afternoon anyway. I, so what do you do instead? Figure out a rhythm and routine that you can thrive with, right?

I mean, that matters. Decide what your goal is. Do you wanna end your day with having enough energy left to do something that you enjoy or, I don't know, maybe even feel like making dinner sometimes? Then maybe you need to have a mid-morning break for yourself. That is predictable for your brain and your body to know what to expect and look forward to.

Yeah, the cost might be a later finish, but the irony is that you might actually have more energy left to give, even though the lesson time with your kids took longer her last, but certainly not least, I can't tell you how many times I've heard this one. Get everyone together at the table for table time and have them do their work and teach them from there.

Okay, so why doesn't that always work? Two words, sensory overload. Well, if I could add another one, it would be multitasking. Ping pong momming is awful and exhausting for highly sensitive moms sometimes it is absolutely unavoidable. But it is not always unavoidable, right? So why would you ask for it? I get needing to have your kids close by so they can hear you and be responsive.

But there are definitely other ways to do that besides this idyllic spread that you might see in a magazine. If anyone reads those anymore. Of everyone, you know, peaceably working together at the table, right? Like you and I know that rarely happens peacefully anyway, so give yourself permission to try a different way.

Instead, I would encourage you to set up your own workstation at the table and have your kids join you side by side when it's time I have a cart for myself so that I can move where I might need to be. You know the cart that seemed to be all the rage a few years ago for homeschool families. Do you still use yours anyway?

I use it for me now and math anyway. I keep my favorite pens and other things I need on there, and I actually put a candle on there that I pull out sometimes and just slide for myself where, wherever I'm at, around the house. So yes, if the table doesn't work for everybody at the same time, then we are part of that club too.

And it's okay. You know, something else I'm going to put there is reading at the table during mealtime. Sometimes that can work for me, but some days when I'm feeling a little extra overstimulated by all the eating sounds. I really don't wanna read to everybody at the table while they're eating nachos.

Okay. So yeah, reading during mealtime might be great for you, but it also might not be, and that's okay too. So there you have it kind of short and sweet. The three things that often are told to homeschool moms to make your life easier, but might not actually make your life easier. The first one was waking up early before the kids.

The second one was finishing your homeschool day before lunch, and the last one was getting everyone together at the table to do your work together and teaching from there. So I really hope that if nothing else, that this short episode has you feeling okay. If your homeschool and your home life look different than that of the elusive social media ideal, that's always lurking around in every swipe of your screen, whether you realize it or not.

Break the rules, go against those catch all, well-meaning pieces of advice that are a thrust on us as moms. If you find this episode helpful and you want to learn more about practical ways to consider your own needs in your home life, I invite you to join me this Friday, May 2nd. Mama needs a minute. What do you do in those overwhelmed overstimulated moments to feel grounded?

Before you lose it, how do you communicate those needs in ways that make sense to your kids? I invite you to join me this Friday, May 2nd at three o'clock eastern for this interactive workshop where you'll have tools to walk away and help you develop a. Simple, actionable plan for yourself. For those moments, I'll share things that I've learned myself as an ot, grounded in brain and body science, as well as honestly what has worked and helped me in my own journey as a highly sensitive mom.

You'll have a short to the point handout to walk you through how to make your own plan as well. I don't want you to leave this workshop with just more information, one more piece of pie in the sky that doesn't help you. I want you to feel hopeful and supported. We'll have plenty of time for q and a and that's my favorite part.

If you can't join us live, you can catch the recording and join me later and feel free to email me any questions you have. The cost of the workshop is just $15, and you'll enter this busy spring season and summer transition with ways to support yourself and model self-regulation skills for your kids in real time because you know they're gonna watch you.

Right? Check the show notes for details. I'm limiting it to 10 moms so that there's plenty of time for q and a. So be sure to go by and grab your spot before they're gone. Until next time, may you find connection even in the chaos.