Back to School & Transitions for Sensitive Kids

Back to school means shifting routines & expectations, which can be really hard for some kids (and adults too!)... even homeschoolers. 

A lot of the back to school excitement can be well-intended and is certainly happy for some... but for others of us, it's full of stress, emotions, & anticipation of tricky situations, like increased meltdowns and maybe refusals. 
In this episode, we discuss:

• What is high sensitivity (yes, it's more than sensory sensitivity)?
• What can you do to support your kid? Hint: Small shifts are key.
• How can you get more peace in your home during these tricky times?

Join Whitney as she shares how back to school has been tricky for her highly sensitive kid and what she's found that helps-- from an OT and a mom of 4.

Read more about high sensitivity here. 
https://sensationalmoms.com/highly-sensitive-person/

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Understanding more about you or your kids' sensory processing and self-regulation might be the missing pieces for more calm & connection in your home. 

If you want help putting those pieces together, book your Sensory Snapshot consultation today. Spots are limited to 5 families this back to school season. 

Start this school year feeling supported and equipped to create a home environment where everyone can flourish-- you included.

Learn more or book yours here.
https://sensationalmoms.com/services-for-sensory-support-self-regulation/

This podcast is not meant as medical advice or a substitute for any medical advice. Please contact your health professional with any mental health or physical health questions or concerns.

Transcript

 Back to school and any transition really can strike fear into the heart of a parent. If any of these words describe your kid inflexible, sensitive. Emotional, short fused, maybe having meltdowns easily or more often than other kids. If you are a kid, could be described by many of those words, then maybe your kid could be described as a highly sensitive kid.

Highly s. Kids can have a really hard time with transitions, and back to school is definitely one of those. So today the episode is devoted to parenting your kid through transitions, especially back to school, but really any transition if your kid is a highly sensitive kid. Before we get too far, let me introduce myself.

My name is Whitney. I'm a mom of four kids and a pediatric occupational therapist turned mom, coach. I support moms and families who are struggling through sensory differences and self-regulation difficulties that impact not only them, but their whole family. I myself have experienced what a difference these techniques can make in my life and in my home, and I love working with other families to help them understand themselves and their kids and be able to enjoy one another.

Again, at Sensational Moms, I provide services through coaching, consultations, and workshops. You can find all of those resources@sensationalmoms.com. So if you are staring the back to school season down with a lot of trepidation in your heart, as a mom, I want you to know that I have been there with you.

Transitions can be very tricky for some kids, and if you homeschool your kid, I think that it can be easy to overlook how the back to school transition can be hard even for homeschool kids. Because our environment is largely the same, but there are definitely different expectations and a different vibe when it comes to putting back regular, um, regular lessons, as we call it back into your day.

So if that has caused difficulty with you guys in the past, then it is normal that this time of year rolls around again and you feel all the things right. There have been times in the past where I didn't really know if I could continue homeschooling because things were so difficult in our home, and the idea of even planning school.

Took a lot of mental prep work for me to get there. So if that's you, please know that you're not alone. Not everyone looks forward to back to school time with wishful thinking and optimism because. We bring our own experience and all the ups and downs, and I really hope that after this episode you can feel more supported, whether you homeschool or not, if you or your kid have highly sensitive characteristics, I.

So this episode is going to focus more on what to do to support yourself. But first, yeah, we do need to make sure we're on the same page with what it is to be highly sensitive and what that might look like with kids. So let's just do a brief. Overview of what that is, and I will also put down in the show notes a link to a blog post that I have written more about high sensitivity and what that is and why you might wanna consider whether that might describe you or your kid.

So high sensitivity might look like having meltdowns. And I start there because that is often one of the most salient difficulties that parents of highly sensitive kids have because it affects really the whole family and your relationship with your kid. And what's a meltdown, really? Only you can define what a meltdown is for your kid, but.

If your kid struggles with meltdowns, whatever that looks like, you know what it is? Kids who are highly sensitive might even just look like they are able to hold it together and everything looks fine until it's like this invisible switch flips, and then everything is all of a sudden not fine. Their emotions might be on full display, or it might kind of be the opposite, where they look like they kind of keep it all bottled in.

Kids who are highly sensitive are generally more reactive to the emotional states of other people, and because of that, they're also a little more sensitive to things like violence or things that would show a lack of justice or unfairness. Sensory sensitivity is definitely a hallmark of a lot of highly sensitive kids, and might also be one of the first things that really grabs your attention along with meltdowns.

So kids who are more sensitive to a lot of textures or sounds or visual input, maybe kids who get overwhelmed by chaotic environments that other kids are able to tolerate or even enjoy, um, might be highly sensitive. Sometimes highly sensitive kids find it difficult to be flexible and might be the opposite and kind of feel or act as though they need to be in control and know the plan and know what to expect.

They tend to be a little more self-conscious, and because of that, when it comes to learning new things, they might have a really low frustration tolerance as well. Hand in hand sometimes they also struggle with, with, uh, handling, correction and redirection. And yeah, I would say that that's kind of a, a decent overview of what highly sensitive kid might look like on the outside.

And if you wanna read more about that, just check the blog post down in the show notes. I'm not really one for a lot. Of labels, but sometimes labels have their place when it comes to helping us understand ourselves or make sense of our kids so that we can best serve them and have a thriving relationship with them.

I certainly did not invent the label of highly sensitive kid. So there are resources available about this as well by Elaine Aaron who coined the term, and some of those books would be the highly sensitive child or also the highly sensitive parent, and there's others available as well. So when I work with families, there are generally three areas that we look at.

We look at person related factors such as, for example, the nervous system descriptions that I'm using to describe your kids. We look at the factors that are underlaying that, um, but we also look at environmental factors that we can. Tweak to help people thrive. And we look at occupation or specific activity factors that we could tweak, uh, to enable people to be more independent and enjoy life.

So our focus in this episode is gonna be looking more at what we can do with the environment. The actual occupations that the kids are engaged in to be able to help them thrive and get through this difficult transition. Just so we're on the same page, by the way, occupation isn't just job occupations are meaningful activities and, uh, areas of life that we engage in.

So for a child, an important occupation is learning, right? And, um, playing with other kids and. Capping those relationships. So occupation isn't just job, just so we're clear about that. Okay. Moving on. It's helpful that you understand. The person for sure, because understanding highly sensitive traits can help us make sense of what's going on with our child and can help us understand what their behavior is communicating to us and also what their behavior isn't communicating because, um, I think it's easy to fall into an idea of needing to punish or reward certain behaviors.

Especially when it's affecting our family dynamic and the kids' learning and we're with each other all the time and there's problems and we need to have them fixed. And so, um, understanding the behavior of the kid and understanding that people react ways that they do and behave the way they do because the job of your nervous system is to keep you safe.

And having that sense of safety is absolutely important. And sometimes kids really do feel. Threatened by things that you might not consider threatening because you are differently wired than them. So yes, understanding the person is important, but, um, let's focus today on routine and environmental things we can do to get through back to school.

Craziness. There are four things we're gonna focus on. We'll start with. Steering clear of sudden or dramatic shifts, even if those shifts seem like good things or happy things to you. Let me explain a little bit more back to school. Excitement can feel like an expectation or demand for certain kids who might be highly sensitive.

And even though these are happy changes, just the fact that there are changes can be stressful to kids. So we generally steer clear of making a, uh, exciting event of back to school in our home. We celebrate that the week is done or the few days or however we start, we celebrate that it's done or that we did it afterwards.

Usually we do that with getting ice cream at our favorite place, but we don't really acknowledge and make a huge deal about starting. We definitely have slow, soft starts here, and yeah, it is a little different. Per each child in my home, because some of my kids do just fine with larger transitions and I communicate with them differently than I would, than I communicate with all of the kids altogether, and certainly differently than I would communicate with my highly sensitive kiddo.

And that's okay that it's different for everybody. So, uh, steer clear of sudden dramatic shifts like the back to school excitement. Um, I would also add to that. Opt for a familiar routine over a strict time timetable or schedule. You might already know this, but I. Sometimes in the back to school excitement, it's kind of like New Year Energy and we forget, we get eager with, you know, new planners or blank pages and you know, you might even make these like dramatic shifts and think, okay, well we're just gonna wake up in an hour earlier because that's what we need to do to be able to fit in other things.

Or maybe you're new to homeschooling and you think, okay, well the kids are used to waking up and getting out the door early, so we're just gonna. Keep doing that and, you know, fit as much in as we can. Um, that might not be the best move. So opt for a routine that is already familiar and slowly and, uh, steadily add things on as the kid is ready.

Um, I would add that with that routine, even visual schedules might feel like a stressful expectation for some kids. I know that's been the case for my kid. Um, I've, this kid really likes to know what's coming and. I would ask questions a lot when she's anxious about that. So I really thought I was doing a favor to this kid in myself, frankly.

'cause I just, you know, from an auditory standpoint, I get overstimulated easily when I'm getting asked questions over and over again. So I, you know, created this beautiful visual schedule that I printed off from a popular homeschool influencer person. And, you know, pictures, words, the whole thing, you know, like it looked, would look great in a therapy clinic, honestly.

Um, but we're not, we're at home anyway. So I put it up on the wall and it was just like it was not happening. Um, so that didn't work very well for us. If you do wanna use a visual schedule, um, I would encourage you to do what. Amy Bodkin encouraged me to do, um, which was really helpful. And we just started with, um, a few things that the kid already did, did well, that were anchor points in the day.

And then we might add just one or two other things, just like we would slowly add on school. I would just add on those one or two, uh, visual schedule cards for this kid to see. So, um. If you wanna try visual schedules, if you, if you, you know, it's weird, like it's so frustrating, like to find this balance of, um, of support but also not overwhelming the kid.

And anyway, uh, start small I guess is what I'm trying to say. If you wanna try that with your highly sensitive kid. Okay, so that was the first one. Steer clear of sudden or drastic shifts, even if those shifts seem good and happy to you and your nervous system. Let's go on to number two, support basic needs as well as you possibly can.

And this is really great, not just for your kid, but also for you as the mom. Like knowing that this stress is going to be there, supporting yourself is also very helpful. So it's a win-win situation. So what are those basic needs? Um. Meals are still important. Having good meals. Uh, having good protein is important, and using familiar comfort foods for your kid during a stressful time can also be really helpful.

Meals that the kid likes and can look forward to is probably not. Time for big diet changes. It's not the new year, remember? So, uh, don't add on extra things. Uh, not right now, right? Probably not the time. Um, to think about, you know, cutting out certain food groups or, you know, taking away favorite foods because they have dyes.

Like all the things that might be good at other times. Don't do it right now. Uh, another basic need is sleep. Yeah, sleep. This is probably not the time to make quick changes and sleep wake cycles, even if they would be good changes, right? So embrace the flexibility of homeschooling if you are a homeschooler, and really prioritize your child's sleep because it's important for everyone.

But it is especially important for highly sensitive people. So, uh, there have been seasons in our family where I had to choose being grateful that my kid could sleep late because we were dealing with such. Difficult, uh, sleep patterns that, that might be when she could get the longest stretch of sleep was by sleeping a little bit later in the morning.

So, um, enjoy that for what it is and if you need to make changes, then. Just make them later. Don't make them right now. And if you're in a situation where maybe you're going to school or you do a hybrid school situation, I might be a little late to the game here at the end of July. But trying to slowly make those changes, uh, is really important for highly sensitive kids.

So if you do need to make sleep wake changes, I would highly recommend you starting with moving up the wake time slowly but surely. Um, it increases the sleep drive rather than, you know, handling it the other way and starting with, you know, enforcing an earlier bedtime because if the sleep drive biologically isn't there, then it's probably a losing and very frustrating battle.

So the third thing, which is honestly, I guess it could really kind of go along with the basic needs is, uh, supporting your kid with connection that is not school related. So practically for me, I know that splitting myself between four kids is really hard. And so I get that. I, um, am not trying to layer on the mom guilt that you might have, you know, from people saying, oh, you need to make sure you spend 30 minutes of one-on-one time with each kid every day.

To have good relationships, like, no, I'm, I'm not saying that, but what I am saying is that small changes you can make can really make a big difference. So one of those small changes to improve that connection time with your kid would, might be positioning. So having shoulder to shoulder time rather than face-to-face time.

Can really be helpful with kids, especially if it's a challenging thing or if you're dealing with frustrating situations. So positioning yourself side by side and doing things together that way can be helpful. And make sure that you're engaging your kid in non-school tasks. So it's gonna be a shift just because, um, you're, how you're having to spend your time is gonna change since you are transitioning back to homeschooling.

Uh, or you know, even if you're not homeschooling, you know, just taking to and from school and engaging in homework and things like that. It how you spend your time changes. And so, at least having. A few minutes of quality time that is not school related with your kid can go a long way. So yes, if you can carve out, you know, 10 minutes for a card game, that's great.

But even if you're just inviting your child to join you in something that you are doing. That invitation can be really meaningful to a kid. So if you're cooking something in the kitchen and your kid can, you know, grab a knife and help you chop some vegetables or help you stir what you're doing or arrange it on the pan, inviting them into what you're doing in your life can be meaningful as well.

So having those connection moments doesn't have to be, um, a whole thing, but it can be. Really vital for kids who are highly sensitive, because remember, those kids are more likely to kind of feed off of our emotions. So that connection is really important for them and for you. Last, let's talk about the environment, because that is one of the beautiful flexibilities that we have as homeschoolers.

So how can you maximize your environment for kids who are highly sensitive? I'm sure I could do a whole podcast episode just about this. Um, I'm gonna try to fit in as much as I can and it might feel like a lot, but, um, just bear with me. I'm gonna kind of do a brain dump here with you about things you can do for a kid.

So, um, finding a quiet. Spot in a home with multiple kids can be really, really challenging. So acknowledge that for what it is. Um, especially if your kid shares a room with siblings, then. Creativity is definitely in order. So things that we have tried include taking turns in the bedroom. So I have, uh, kind of, I wouldn't say I have assigned times, but you could do that I suppose.

Um. We, at least during our designated play, a part-time is what we call it. Uh, my kids who share rooms take turns for who gets to be in that room and the other person has a couple of other options of where to be. So we take turns in the room alone. Um, also, we really try to take advantage of outside space, which is hard right now because it's miserably hot in summer.

But if you have a shady spot, if you have a fan. Uh, maximizing the outdoor space can be really helpful. Having a time of day when everyone separates and having that predictability is really helpful for not just our nervous system as moms, but also for kids. So having that predictability built in is really helpful instead of viewing.

Uh, play a part-time, as we call it, as like a reactionary or negative sort of measure. So having that stability can be really helpful. If your kid really needs quiet and there just is not a space, then I think earplugs definitely have a place as well as you can double up things. You can have, um, earplugs and then you can put noise canceling headphones on top of it.

Um, there are ways to be creative with that. Um, visually when it comes to kids who are highly sensitive, less really is best. So, um. Putting as many things out of sight as possible is really helpful. You know, baskets, um, we have a coffee table in our living room that has all storage underneath it, and so having baskets under there to put things is helpful.

Um, really just minimizing what's in that visual space. And again, it's hard to really organize your whole house around certain people. Um, if you can't do that, then you can at least have a space that. Does have less visual stimulation, fewer decorations on the wall, a more peaceful place. And depending on the age of your kid, you know, you can even have your child help you set up that space in a way that feels good to them.

Um, younger kids will, I say, younger kids, even my kids enjoy doing. Um, making forts su super simple blanket forts, right? Um, that's a way that you can decrease visual stimulation as well, at least for the kid. I know for, for, for me, from a mom standpoint, sometimes I'm like, gosh, take it down guys. It's been up here forever.

But if you do have a place in your home, maybe in your kids' room or in a closet, that you could leave that up, it would be super helpful for some kids. Sometimes even just changing the child's position wherever they're seated can be really helpful. So if you're seated at a spot where your back's against the wall, but you're looking out to a really cluttered, messy, really chaotic people jumping around kind of room, um, then turn around.

And let the wall be in front of you instead of the craziness on the other side of you. Um, I know some people are able to have separate homeschool places, uh, in their home. Not everyone can have that. Uh, I know we used to have that and found out that it just really wasn't being utilized. We did all of our schoolwork all throughout the house anyway, so it just kind of turned into be a beautiful closet.

Um, but. Certainly if you have a homeschool space, then thinking about how you set that up to be low stimulation and to be more calming for your child is absolutely worth your effort. So that's all for today's episode. I hope that you found a few things to try to help you have more support and success as you start this kind of stressful back to school season.

If you want help to see you or your kid through this sensory-based nervous system lens, then I am so excited to be offering consultations now during the back to school season for up to five families. So this is a shorter term way to be able to problem solve tricky areas in your homeschool routine, understand your needs and or your kids' needs, and just start off your school year with more peace of mind and actual peace in your home.

It includes written recommendations, an intake call, and a phone call to go over your results together, and a week of follow up with me available via Voxer for realtime support. If you'd like to learn more about that, just go to sensational moms.com. Click on this services tab and you will see the sensory snapshot option.

I am wishing you and yours a joyful back to school season, maybe a little cooler than it is right now. That would be nice. And until next time, may you find connection even in the chaos.