Overwhelmed with Big Kids? Why Sensory Overload Changes (Not Vanishes)

You thought the sensory overload would ease up once the baby and toddler years passed… but here you are, still feeling touched out, talked out, and overwhelmed.

 In this episode, I unpack why motherhood doesn’t get less overstimulating with big kids — and what you can do about it. 

Join me for this personal conversation and:

• pinpoint why you might feel that way (you're not crazy!)
• feel equipped with a few simple things to try to feel less overwhelmed
• & walk away feeling seen, describe what's going on, and ask for help

Let's talk about why it's not necessarily helpful to wait and see when it comes to feeling chronically overwhelmed by your kids.

💗 If you’ve been waiting for things to magically ‘get easier,’ I want you to know you’re not alone — and there’s real support for you. Book your free consultation at https://www.calendly.com/sensationalmoms so you can stop pushing through overwhelm and start finding joy in your days again.

How movement affects overstimulation: https://sensationalmoms.com/moms-who-are-overwhelmed-overstimulated-need-to-feed-these-3-senses-everyday/

How hormones affect sensory: https://sensationalmoms.com/hormones-sensory-overload/

Do you NEED this school year to be different but lack the clarity and energy to make it happen? The Sensory Snapshot is for you if you need:

• targeted sensory & nervous system support
• routines that work for the whole family
• real-time problem solving support
• long-lasting help with just a short-term, budget-friendly commitment

Learn more or book it here.

This podcast is not meant as medical advice or a substitute for any medical advice. Please contact your health professional with any mental health or physical health questions or concerns.

Transcript

 Hey there. Welcome back to the Sensational Moms podcast. I am your host Whitney, and we are going to be wading into the miy muck of the myth that I believed about motherhood today. And that myth is that the sensory overload and the overwhelm would get easier as my kids got older. Now. No, mom overtly told me that that would happen, that things would get easier.

But I told myself that because it seemed to make sense. And we'll talk a little bit more about why that is. But I'm here to tell you that the sensory overload and the overwhelm of motherhood. It doesn't necessarily get easier. It just gets different.

Before we get started, if we have not met yet, I am a pediatric occupational therapist and a mom of four kids who homeschools my kids, and now I come alongside moms as a nervous system support coach to help you navigate. Those feelings of being touched out and talked out by your kids so that you can find joy and connection even in the chaos that is mom life.

We do this through one-on-one coaching consultations, and the occasional workshop. You can find all of my resources@sensationalmoms.com, and of course that will be down in the show notes as well. Now, if you are a regular listener to the podcast, then you might be wondering, Hey, wait a second. I thought that you were going to be doing a mini series about moms who are differently wired and how we can homeschool through that and thrive.

Yes, we are, but we are alternating between the interview episodes and shorter episodes like this that are one-on-one. So if you're interested in that, I look forward to having you come back. In two weeks where I'll be sharing an interview that I did with Amy Bodkin. And Amy was an absolute delight to work with and she gets really personal shares a lot of her story and her experience and how she makes motherhood and homeschooling work for her, even though she is a DHD.

I'm excited to share these episodes with you because yes, I do talk about advice and tips that you can use to support yourself through the overwhelm, but also sharing stories of encouragement from moms who really are in our own trenches, but alongside each other is something that I'm really passionate about.

So be sure to come back and check out that episode in two weeks. This conversation is long overdue because it is definitely a part of my story as a highly sensitive mom and. I know there's gotta be other moms out there who have felt this way, who maybe kind of put things on hold, looking for ways you could support yourself, might've been put on hold because you thought, okay, if I could just get through the baby years, or if I could get through the toddler years or the preschool years, then things will get easier.

And that definitely has not been the case for me. In fact, in a lot of ways. That time period was easier for me. Um, and not just because I am looking back and making things all wonderful in my memory. Uh, I know that some of us, you know, that is going to happen, right? But, uh, it genuinely was easier for me because of just kind of how I'm wired, I guess.

Um, but. The challenges as my kids have gotten older have just been different. This episode is also inspired by a conversation that I had with a friend that really helped me realize that, uh, it's, things really do get easier for some parents as their kids get older. And I left that conversation and it, and it was like, it was a good, it was a friendly conversation and I didn't feel judged or anything like that, but I just left kind of feeling like, oh my gosh.

Like it really, it really does get easier for some people. Uh, and there's different dynamics for that, right? Like there's not just a mom dynamic, there's kid dynamics, there's so many things at play. But if that is not your story, if things feel like they are harder, then. Me too, and you're not alone in that.

And here's why. You're not alone. I've got five, maybe six reasons on this list, and I wonder if some of them resonate with you as well, if they do. If. Comment, send me a message. Uh, you can click on the button below, send Whitney a message that goes straight to my phone, and we can have the conversation there via text message, or you can join in the conversation on Instagram or Facebook at sensational moms.

So let's get to it. So, yeah, I think the reason I assumed that, at least from a sensory overload standpoint, things would get easier is because I thought, okay, as my kids get older, they're gonna be able to understand reason and logic a little bit more. And maybe when they're not nursing, I won't feel so touched out.

They'll be able to understand when I ask them to stop climbing on me, I won't feel quite as. Touched out that way, uh, they won't be crying as much. And then the frustration of, oh goodness, why is the baby crying? Having to figure out that. Right. Um, what are some other reasons I thought that things would get easier as they got older.

Yeah, I think. There's Oh, sleep. Yes. Sleep is a huge one because yeah, I just assumed that as my kids got older, that they would sleep better. But that wasn't the case for our family, for sure. Um, so sleep deprivation definitely affected things. So yes, I assumed that at least from a sensory standpoint, things would get easier.

I expected, you know, the different dynamic with. Emotions and other difficulties, but I assumed that the sensory part would get easier and that hasn't been the case. So let's go into some reasons why. Um, kids fight, right? Kids argue. They argue with each other, they fuss with each other. Uh, there's lots of conflicts, big and little that need to be settled throughout the day.

Um, they fuss and argue with us sometimes too, right? I can't be the only one. Um, so there's that dynamic of sound overwhelm. Uh, they also just like physically get louder, like their bodies get bigger, you know, like of course, right? They play and when they do like rough and tumble play, it's louder because they're bigger.

Um, I, if you also have kids that have different sensory needs than you, if you have kids that might be a little more touchy, feely and cuddly, then yeah, their bodies are bigger. Um, my son is so sweet and I know that I will miss these days. Um, but he, like, he's growing fast and he's, you know, and he wants me to hug him and, you know, my kids will climb in my lap and.

The mom in me loves it, right? Like I love having those times with my kids, but also it can be a lot, you know, like having an 11-year-old in your lap. It's different than having a baby in my lap. And so it's different like they have grown, right? Yes, our kids can have different sensory needs from us. They probably do have different sensory needs from us.

Chances are, and that becomes more apparent the older our kids get, and that can make your sensory overwhelm not be a thing of the past. Let's move on to another huge reason, and that is hormonal shifts for you as a mom. So chances are as your kids get older, you're getting closer to perimenopause, and especially if you had kids a little bit later in life, which I don't know if we can even say that anymore because it seems like that is just.

Trending more and more having kids, you know, in your thirties. So yes, hormonal shifts. People don't often realize that your hormones definitely affect your sensory processing. I have a. Blog post, and I go into it a little bit in a past episode about estrogen and how that affects, especially our sound sensitivity is what the blog post is about.

So I'll be sure to link that down below as well. But yes, you're nearing perimenopause and that the hormonal shifts definitely affect sensory overload, so things aren't in your head. Also. As you get older and near perimenopause, things get a little less predictable. So even though yes, those hormonal shifts during your regular cycle do affect your sensory systems.

It's gonna be less predictable because your cycle might be less predictable. So if you are struggling with feeling sensory overwhelm a lot, and you know that you are in the throes of perimenopause, then I would highly recommend you seek out a trusted functional medicine practitioner and really. Support yourself through that and don't be so hard on yourself.

So, yes, hormonal shifts are another reason that things might not get easier as your kids get older. So the next one is something that I talk about often and that is that as our kids get older, you're probably gonna spend more time in the car and going places and. The senses that help you feel grounded and connected and calm are usually.

Understimulated, it's, that's just the truth for us as adults. I feel like it's especially the truth when you spend a lot of time in the car, and that's been the case for me. I've really noticed it this year as we've added a couple more after school activities. With my kids, I've noticed how it has affected me.

I've definitely been a little more likely to be snappy. I've really needed to use my crockpot so that when we get home, instead of rushing to do dinner, I can have some time to myself because that is a bonus of having kids who are older and who are able to understand that. I do need some time to recharge and revamp when we get home from those types of things.

So I also have a blog post and a past episode about movement and why that is important from a sensory standpoint that I will put down, of course, in the show notes. Uh, the summary is that that sense is related to our sense of proprioception. Interception and our vestibular sense. And those are fancy ways of saying really the senses that tell us about our muscles, our joints and ligaments, and our connective tissue right underneath our skin called our fascia.

And those senses really help us feel in our. Body. So it's not just a matter of using those senses to work up a sweat because you need to exercise, which we do like I do, we all do. But also just to feel in your body, to feel connected and grounded. Um, yes. So move, move. And you know, I almost. Joined a gym. I know I almost joined a gym, um, last week, I think, and right before I pulled the trigger I was like, okay.

Before I pay this money, I wanna look and see if I really am in that quote unquote next phase of life where I have the time and the magical energy to go somewhere and exercise. Like maybe that would help me be more consistent with it. And I'm so glad that I didn't, because when I really looked at my time to see if I could take advantage of that, 'cause it's like a 30 minute drive just for us to get into town.

I realized that that was not feasible. So. Being intentional about movement for me has to be at home, which is tricky for me because of my self-discipline. I don't enjoy it. I'm just gonna be honest with you. I don't enjoy the exercise bit. I do have ways of moving that I enjoy and usually they're linked to a functional activity.

Hello, occupational therapist, right? Um, one of which I talk about a lot is shoveling mulch. For my chickens and my garden anyway. You don't have to shovel mulch, you don't have to have a perpetual pile of mulch in your yard like I do. Um, but there are other ways to weave movement into our day and micro doses, which is really key for that feeling grounded and connected in your body to feed those senses because there's different variables that you can change to get the sensory input.

Uh, we talk about it. As how often we do it, that would be the frequency, how strong the input is, which is intensity, and then how long you're able to do it, which is duration. And you can kind of shift all of those things, you know, up or down depending on how much time or uh, what kind of equipment or whatever you have available.

You know, um, it can be as simple like for me, on Tuesdays when we're out a lot. I am now starting to go for little short walks, literally in a circle around the cul-de-sac where our piano teacher lives, not because I, you know, wanna be a fitness guru or lose weight or whatever. There's not that there's anything wrong with those goals.

For me, the purpose of that movement is so that I can get through the rest of the day and. Be happy and not totally lose it with my kids after being out at piano lessons for, uh, three hours, four kids in piano lessons anyway, and the car ride time's just a lot to ask of my nervous system. So yes, I go for a walk Microdose movement.

Do it. You might be feeling overstimulated because. You aren't feeding the senses that would help you not be overstimulated. Let's move on to another reason that things might not get easier as your kids get older with your sensory overwhelm, which is that maybe you haven't. Encouraged and enabled your kids to be as independent as they can be, and here's why.

That affects your overstimulation as a mom. That's because you don't have this separate box for sensory stress. You. Have a stress response and that is shared with not just your sensory system, but also like all of the things that you have to do as a mom. So I know that kids are capable of different levels of independence as an OT, and I definitely respect that.

But kids are capable often of more than we think they are, and. A perfect example of that for me at our house. Something that I want to encourage my kids to be more independent with that would decrease my stress level, at least eventually, is making their own breakfast. And can my kids do this? Yes. But also the mess and all the other stuff.

And anyway, I think it's also kind of a residual. Thing that I do from when we used to have a longer morning time together, but now it's gotten to be pretty short the older that my kids have gotten, and it's not quite as important that we are all eating breakfast at the table together. We could just be together.

Whereas when they were younger, they needed to have something in their mouth to be quiet. Listen, they don't need that so much anymore. So I'm going to work toward helping them be more independent with their breakfast prep, especially because I'm not a morning person. So I think this would really pay off.

And you know, kids love to be given. Some degree of independence and mastery over their own lives. So eventually, once they get used to the fact that mom is indeed not going to be making their breakfast most mornings, I think that it'll be a good thing. Another thing that you might be. Hesitant about that.

I am starting to really embrace this year as my kids have gotten older is increasing their independence with their schoolwork. In outsourcing things that I can, things that my kids can have me facilitate and follow up with and answer questions about, but not them be them relying on me. So. One of the ways that I'm doing that this year in our home is with math, with my older two children, and it has been a huge relief because something that is really overwhelming for me is being what I call a ping pong mom, uh, going back and forth between my kids when they need things.

Switching attention like that is just really dysregulating for me. So math, you know, for years honestly, has been the trickiest part of our homeschool, not because of the difficulty teaching it. Um, I do have one kid that kind of struggles with math, but the hard part was the actual logistics. So if you are a homeschool family and.

You are looking for ways for your kids to be more independent. It doesn't necessarily have to be an online course. My son is using a self-paced book that he is doing without me, uh, at least without me prompting it again. So, you know, looking into ways to improve your kids' independence with their schoolwork, which can be challenging if you have a kid with some executive functioning difficulties.

Um. It is possible, and even sometimes the smallest change to help your kid be a little more independent can be super, super helpful. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and it doesn't have to be huge changes either. So yes, helping your kids be independent in small ways can make a huge difference. So that.

You cannot feel so overwhelmed. Okay, y'all, this might be one of the most uncomfortable reasons why your sensory overwhelm isn't gonna get easier as your kids get older, and that is maybe you are reaping the results of having difficulty setting boundaries. With your kids, and as they've gotten older, maybe that has snowballed and snowballed and gotten harder for them.

So things that would enable you to be able to have a few quiet minutes to yourself once a day are really hard because your kids don't believe that you mean what you say. When you're going to your room for 10 minutes and you know they're okay, they're set up well and they know the expectation and yet they still come and knock on your door.

Ask me how I know that. Uh, yes. Boundaries. So bedtime might be an example of that as well in your home? Um, yeah, especially if you. Really feel done by the end of the day, like many of us do. If you're a highly sensitive person, I mean, I feel like a lot of moms feel that way, but some of us extra, extra feel that way.

Um, maybe it's actually your own bedtime as well, and like setting boundaries for yourself and having the self-discipline and being able to tell yourself, I know I feel like I need alone time, and that's a legitimate need. But also, um, you really, really need sleep. And so, you know, being able to realize that you've done what you can stop the housework, you know, stop whatever it is, put the book down, I don't know, and actually get yourself the rest that you need.

That might be another boundary. So it might not just be boundaries with other people. It might also be respecting boundaries that you set for yourself.

Last, but certainly not least. One of the reasons that things might get harder and not easier the older your kids get is the increased emotional stressors. I know that kind of goes hand in hand with something we talked about earlier, but I'm adding that specifically because now I have three. Three. Um.

Preteen kids and the rollercoaster that that entails. Um, yes, it definitely has shifted relationship dynamics in the home and between siblings. There is just no shortage of. Uh, emotional stressors. We will call them, uh, lots of opportunity for conflicts, which we talked about earlier as well, and all of the overstimulation that can come from the actual sensory aspect of the conflict.

So many opportunities for emotional stressors, and not to mention the fact that we as we get older, we aren't just caring for our kids. We are also the sandwich generation, where as our loved ones are starting to get older, we are often involved in their care as well. Maybe it's their mental health, maybe it's their physical health or a combination of things, but we also have that emotional and mental, um.

Load as well. So yes, thing like again, your stress bucket isn't just sensory stress, right? It's gonna be shared. So if we are feeling overwhelmed by other things, then we're gonna have less capacity to cope with the sensory piece as well. So, there you go. There you have it. I, I wasn't even counting how many that was.

What was it? At least five, maybe six. I don't know. There are plenty of reasons why things don't inherently just get less overstimulating the older that you kids get. So if that is something that you. Are stuck in. Maybe you are in that age range where your kids are, you know, preschool, toddler, or babies, and you also were thinking, okay, I know some things are gonna get harder, but surely I won't feel as touched out and talked out and maxed out.

Then please pay attention. Pay attention to your. Body and your spirit and your mind, and, um, don't ignore those cues because there are things that you can do now to support yourself now and later because things just don't always get easier, even from a sensory standpoint. Maybe they will. I have talked to people who, who do feel like they have a, a bit of an easier time now that the kids are older.

But at the same time, if you are like me and your kids are getting older and things aren't getting easier, then I really want you to know that first of all, you are not alone. And of course, that is why I am here, is to support moms through this sensory overload, the touched out, and the talked out that can come along with motherhood because I am passionate about helping moms find true joy and enjoy.

Their kids and help the kids enjoy their moms most, most of the time, right? So be sure to check out the link on my website and I'll put it down in show notes as well. Know that I offer a free phone consultation to anyone to help you walk through a problem and solve it together so that you can feel supported.

And connected, and you can find that joy in motherhood. We can chat about what coaching is like and also what cons, what consultations are like. That's new. That's a new offering from sensational moms so that no matter where you are now, if you're like me. And you are getting sticker shock from kid orthodontia.

Yes. Um, there is still a way that you can find the support that you need in the phase of life that you are in. So until next time, may you find connection even in the chaos.