Sensational Moms: Support For Overstimulated Moms

3 Questions Every Overwhelmed Mom Should Ask: Why I've Been Quiet & What I'm Learning

• Whitney Whitten • Season 2 • Episode 23

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This season has been a lot — for me and for so many highly sensitive, easily overstimulated moms. In this episode, I’m sharing what this busy fall has looked like inside my home, why I’ve been quieter than usual, and the shift that's helping me exhale.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, overstimulated by life, or already dreading the holiday season, then grab a warm drink & let's catch up!

In this episode, we explore:
• Why fall and shorter days can spike overwhelm for sensitive moms
• How lack of margin affects your mood, energy, and regulation
• Three powerful questions for a more meaningful mom-life
• What happiness looks like for burned-out moms
• How connection (or lack of it) can make or break your day
• Three simple habits that help you feel grounded again

Whether you’re a homeschooling mom, a highly sensitive mom, or a mom navigating chronic overload, this episode offers gentle insight and practical encouragement to help you move through fall with more ease.

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Ready to more away from feeling like a reactive, chronically dysregulated mama? Book your free consultation for some support, just in time for the holidays.

https://calendly.com/sensationalmoms

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This podcast is not meant as medical advice or a substitute for any medical advice. Please contact your health professional with any mental health or physical health questions or concerns.

 Hey there. Welcome back to the Sensational Moms podcast. I'm your host Whitney, and the change of seasons is here, even down in the southeast. Here in the US it is finally starting to feel kind of fallish and the days are definitely getting shorter, and along with that can come a shift of energy and. I'm talking today about ways that I am embracing that as someone who is highly sensitive and easily overwhelmed.

And overstimulated by life around me. And as an OT and nervous system coach who works with moms, I've seen these things affect other moms as well. So I'm gonna be talking about where I have been this fall. I've been fairly quiet if you subscribe to my regular newsletter. I've had a hard time showing up on social media as well, and I'm gonna be sharing a little bit of personal of reasons for why that is and some growth that I'm going through right now.

And hopefully on the other side of that, um, will come things that I can share with you as well to help you along your own growth journey. But for now, let's talk about what is. Going on this super busy fall and what has led me to this aha moment that has just been nourished by settling into the change of seasons, because I think that there are some important lessons in here for a.

All of us that we can understand these things and lean into them. So, um, after I talk a little bit about what's going on in my life and what's led to some of these realizations, I'm gonna be sharing three questions that I think you would find really helpful for you as well along your own personal growth journey.

If you. Are feeling overwhelmed already and the holiday season isn't even technically here yet. So three questions that you can ponder for yourself and explore along with. Three really elementary, but super important. Habits that I am really trying to lean back into to support myself through what can be a challenging season for a lot of us as moms.

So how did I get here? Well, I. Okay. I could think of three or four main reasons. This has been the busiest fall schedule that I have experienced yet in motherhood. So my kids are ages seven to 12 and there's four of them. And yes, that is really close into age. Um, and I knew that this day would come, but I kind of didn't expect it to come.

Already? I guess so because that busy fall schedule, the kids are kind of differentiating and doing some of their own things. Well, there's four of them. So even if all four of them just do one thing that's unique to themselves, you can do the math and figure out. It just does not take long before things really start filling up.

And that means for me that I have. Less margin and margin is really important for us as highly sensitive people. It's important for everybody really, but especially for us. So I have been, I've had less time to sit and process things even less than usual as a mom and a lot more time spent in the car going to and from things.

On one hand, I'm really grateful because a lot of what I work with moms on developing is ways that we can regulate ourselves in daily life. Ways that we're able to help our alertness level and our connection with ourselves so that we can be our best selves for our kids and those around us, even in the middle of everyday life, even when you don't have time for, you know.

An hour quiet time in the middle of the day. So less margin has been hard for me. Less margin has also meant that we have had less regular cleaning time. And look, if you visited my house right now you, or really any time, I mean, you'd probably say, do you ever clean? But when I say clean, I mean just like tidy and deal with stuff that accumulates from living in your house a lot and being in and out.

A lot with four kids. So things have been more cluttered and clutter equals visual overwhelm for me and our regular, you know, cleaning schedule or tidy schedule has just really gone gone. Bye-bye for this season with my kids. So, um. Before things start to pick back up after the holidays, I have to figure out, you know, how we're gonna squeeze a little bit more of that in regularly, so it's gonna look different.

Maybe instead of doing little bits throughout the week like we used to be able to do, it might mean more that we do. A couple of longer housework sprints. Um, I don't know it, I just need to recalibrate things. I'm open to your suggestions for sure. If you are in this season or a season ahead of me, step ahead of me.

Um, just hit the button to send me a note and give me your advice. Um, because things are just looking different as our schedules have gotten. Busier. I'm gonna talk a little bit more about that when we get down into the questions because um, a lot of that comes back to just being able to regularly reflect and reassess how things are going in daily life.

So I'll talk about that after. I keep oversharing about my life with you. Okay, so yes, busy schedule Number two, I have been helping my family with some health concerns that we've been experiencing this fall, and I am honored that I am close enough to be able to help out with that. I have enough medical knowledge that I can really advocate and connect my family with resources that they need.

But it's taken, um, I would say it's taken a lot of time on the phone. It hasn't taken tons of time on the phone. It's taken some really, what it's taken is a lot of emotional energy for me. So wading through that, wading through what that means. As, as my family gets older and what that looks like, you know, carrying some of those responsibilities is a lot.

Right? So that's taking some of that emotional energy. That has been going to that as well. So yes. Another reason is, and you can probably really relate to this, is that money is tighter and. Yes. You know, as largely a single income family, we've always been fairly budget minded and frugal. But it is next level lately with cost of living.

And as my kids have gotten older, oh my goodness. You know, we knew orthodontia would come, but the approach that we are, that we're taking with the kids using an airway centric dentist, and we've been driving up there now. Um, fairly regularly, but really about every two months or so, um, taking a drive up to the north side of Atlanta, um, this has been a great practitioner and it's been totally worth it, but that takes a lot of time, which I'm kind of used to, but now that I've gotten more kids that are also going through it, it's also the money and.

Yes, money is tight and so we're having to be creative with things and that's taken, you know, a little bit of extra stress budget as well for me. And I've been mindful of that as someone who works with other families. And I'm thinking going forward into spring, I'm gonna have an exciting offering to be able to.

Add value to your life as a busy mom who needs these skills that we talk about, but maybe one-on-one coaching is out of your budget right now, because it's kind of a pet peeve of mine when people say stuff like, oh, well, you know, if someone really needs coaching that they'll make it work. Well, I'm here to tell you, I.

If I'm faced between, uh, paying for my kiddo's, hearing aids, or orthodontia to help my kids sleep better so we have more peace in the house or coaching for myself, the things for my kid are just gonna win out because of the amount of stress that, um, not having that those supports can cause for our family.

So. I get the reality of needing help and needing support as a mom, but also needing to meet everyone's needs as well. And things are just tight right now. So yeah, that's been a third stressor that I am going through. Um, I'm adjusting to the emotional rollercoaster of preteens. Surprise. Yeah. Um, didn't really, I wouldn't say I didn't think that through.

I don't think that's the right way to say it, but, uh, yeah. Four kids this close in age. Wow. Surprise. Um, things can be kind of hard all at the same time and for the same reasons. So yay for mom's self-regulation. Okay. Enough said about that. Uh oh yeah. Along with money, stress is like questionable jobs. Um, I don't know if anyone else is experiencing that as well right now, but the state of the economy is just affecting how reliable we think, how uh, how steady, uh, our family's gonna have income right now, so.

So thanks for being along for that rollercoaster of what is going on this fall. So yeah, even finding time to squeeze in content creation has been really, really, really hard and the same along with the podcast. As much as I truly love doing this, it is a one woman show from recording. To editing and everything in between.

So I want to share with you three things that you should regularly assess in your life as a mom, as a homeschooling mom, if you want to. Enjoy being with your kids. If you want to find connection that is meaningful instead of feeling overwhelmed by the chaos outside of you and inside of you. So question number one, do I have enough margin?

So that can be kind of a loaded question because do I have enough margin? It can. You can be thinking, well, okay, so what do I cut out? There's nothing that I can cut out. Well, figuring out margin in our lives. How to find it and create. It can take a lot of soul searching because it requires you getting really laser clear on what is most important for you and yours.

So I would even break that down into. Different parts of your life. For example, let's just talk about homeschooling or learning at home. Specifically, how do you create margin during that time of day? Well get clear on what matters to you and yours because it's going to mean saying no. To some otherwise really good things, it's gonna mean saying no to things that other people tell you are important.

Saying no to what your curriculum tells you is important. Maybe saying no to what your ideal philosophy of education says is important. Maybe it means saying no to what other people in your life are telling you is important. And look, I'm not saying that you shouldn't seek wisdom from those things, but the reality is you showing up as a present and.

Joyful mom most days is worth it. Your kids are gonna have a hard time learning those things that are valuable if you are a dysregulated mess most of the time from trying to squeeze everything in. So for you to be able to say no, you have to be really clear on what is important for you in this season.

So these, again, these questions are things that are going to change over time. So just because you say no to it right now doesn't mean you're never going to do it, but it just means that the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing, right? So for the things that you can't say no to, which was a lot for me this fall, it meant, uh, letting go of a lot of my expectations instead.

So reassessing, what is a reasonable expectation for yourself? Is very important when you're thinking about how to set margin in your life. Um, my house that I was talking about earlier and visual clutter, how that can be a problem for me. Um, yes, that would be a perfect example because, um, I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you and tell you that I mop my floors every week.

Um, I won't tell you how often I'm do or don't moop my floors. I'm pretty sure that's in a past episode. Some of you might be shocked, but anyway, at least I don't have crawling babies anymore. Um, if you looked under my furniture, the amount of dust that I just got out of my bedroom, I'm thinking, no wonder my husband snores, right?

It is ridiculous. But I really had to let go of a lot of expectations. And if I'm being honest with you, it's been like over a year since I've done some of these things, not the mopping of the floors, but other things. And you know what? I don't feel bad about it at all because that wasn't my focus. That wasn't my priority.

Saying no to it ahead of time makes things easier than looking back and figuring out how you can scramble to fit everything in, or the guilt that comes along with not meeting the unreasonable expectation that you place on yourself in the first place. So, you know what, if visual clutter is a thing for me, then I might not be able to have.

Super clean, this and that. But I can have baskets to put stuff in and when we get to it, we get to it. So, um, if you have a sewing machine, I can't tell you how often I've just made cute little curtains to go on shelves, um, and then put stuff behind that curtain because that's the spot where I put stuff that's gonna just have to happen later.

So will every season be like this? I hope not. But that's where we are now. Okay, so question one, do I have enough margin getting laser clear on what is most important for you right now? Question number two, do I feel happy at some point most days? Listen, I think that happiness has kind of gotten the short end of the stick lately.

Because people are scared to use that word. You know, like we always, you know, have to be happy and, you know, smiley and go lucky. And, you know, it's like the people think when they, when you say I wanna feel happy, like it's some sort of, you know, I don't know, some sort of idealistic sort of, well, we're not always gonna be happy, but we can have joy.

Well. I understand, like I, I can have joy and deep seated joy, but I also want to feel happy sometimes. And so I say this as someone who's been through depressive episodes in the past. I distinctly remember the difference between not feeling happy and feeling happy for the first time in a long time. Like I remember that visceral.

Feeling of where it felt in my body and the sensations that came along with it because it had been so long since I had felt happy. So I just wanna say that if you don't feel happy at some point most days, then step back. Do you even really know what makes you happy anymore? Getting to know yourself as an individual and you know, I'm gonna let the occupational therapist in me come out here.

Um, you know, the occupations that are important to you, the activities that make you unique and make you feel alive, do you still do that as a mom? Maybe it was things that you were able to do before you had kids and then life crept in. Maybe it's changed. Do you spend time with yourself trying to explore new activities and see what might bring you happiness?

What might put a smile on your face? And it doesn't have to be, you know, this grand new hobby that you're going to try out. It can be as small as sharing a bowl of ice cream with your kid and listening about their day, or listening about what they're enjoying playing lately with their siblings. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it.

So if you ask yourself. Do I feel happy at some point most days, a little glimmer of happiness that the answer is no, I rarely feel happy. Then that's a clue that something needs to be shifting in how you are going about the average day for yourself. Okay. The last question is, am I finding meaningful connection in relationship with.

Others. So we can call that the opportunity for co-regulation with any within the bounds of a meaningful relationship with other people. So do you have meaningful relationships with other adults? Listen as much as people are concerned about the socialization of children who homeschool, what about the moms?

Because it can be very, very isolating to be with your kids most of the time. And if you're an introvert like me, then if you lose that casual social contact. It requires now intentionally reaching out and developing those relationships. And some of us, frankly just have either lost that skill or I'm just gonna be honest and say maybe we didn't really have that strong of a skill to start with for whatever reason.

So that can be really hard to find and nurture those relationships because we're so short on time and energy, but we have to figure out ways to do that. So it can be. Someone outside the home, or it can be someone that you live with. It could be your husband, but figuring out other adults that you can have meaningful relationships with.

Yes, your kids come along with that too, so, you know, do you spend time in meaningful relationship with your kids? It's different, right? But do you laugh with your kids? Do you find someone on one time with them? It doesn't have to be, you know, this glamorous, you know, father, daughter, mother, son sort of date situation.

It could be going on a walk together. Um, I've, I was reminded of that recently with my 7-year-old because man, she was complaining of every little owie, and she is such a tough kiddo. She's my most athletic kid. Um, I, yeah, those jeans did not come from me. But anyway, um, she was complaining about every little.

Bump and that's when I realized that was her attempt to connect with me, because that's an automatic, you know, attention from mom if she is in pain. So, um, that was a clue for me and helped me realize that I wasn't intentionally connecting with her even in small ways. So maybe you would enjoy creating things with your kids.

So finding that meaningful connection in relationship with others. Are you getting to that? So those are three things to regularly assess with the change of season. So as we head into fall and the holiday season. And it feels right to sit down and enjoy a warm drink and get your journal out. Maybe a piece of scrap paper if that feels too committed.

And just think about these questions. Do I have enough margin? Do I feel happy at some point most days? And am I finding meaningful connection in relationship with others? Okay, so. Let's talk about three simple habits that I'm leaning into. I won't dwell on them long because it's pretty straightforward, but these things have gone by the wayside with me being under more stress than usual lately.

And I'm 39 and knocking on the door of 40. And really what I'm trying to think about is habits that would serve me well as I enter perimenopause and as things start to get harder with my body over time. Right? So, um. In addition to handling just this acute stress, these are things that will serve me long term, but this season, especially in the challenges of shorter days, I'm focusing on sleep.

Yes. Which comes a little bit easier I think, with the nights coming earlier and we do. You know, daylight savings time here. Ugh. Anyway, basically it feels like midnight when it's only eight o'clock. It's great, but. Anyway, sleep. I have a whole episode about sleep that I will link down below, or is it a blog?

I don't know. Either way, I'm gonna find it for you and link it down in the show notes. Focusing on sleep is of utmost importance. It affects a whole lot of stuff and it can be really easy to like rebound at the end of the day and want alone time. It's gonna backfire for you tomorrow, you'll find a whole lot of stuff that's gonna be overstimulating and overwhelming for you that otherwise would not be if you were well rested, thus helping your hormones be more balanced.

And all the things. So sleep number one. Um, I'm plugging my phone in across the room because that used to not be a temptation for a long time, but now it is. I think it's because my husband has been snoring more at night. Sorry, honey, if you're listening. Um, anyway, and so then while I'm just laying there half awake, I started scrolling.

So I'm moving the phone across the room and. Focusing on waking up on time because it is that, um, that wake time that really drives your sleep drive to make you feel like you need to go to sleep on time at the end of the day. So, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep at least seven hours. You need to know your body and know how much sleep you need and it's gonna change.

I need more sleep right now with the change of seasons, so. Sleep. Uh, the other one is going outside and that's been a lot easier right now 'cause our weather is mild, but I know colder weather is coming, so I'm trying to be super intent intentional about getting morning sun and going outside and enjoying that.

And that will help me definitely through the hardship that is winter, even down here in the mild south. So, uh, the last basic that I'm leaning into this season is creating something for myself. So for me that is art and I really want to learn. Spoil painting. I've dabbled in it a little bit. Um, but man, it's been a while since I've seriously painted and it can be a little bit discouraging, I guess, sometimes to pick up, to pick up new things or to pick up something you haven't done in a while and realize that you are.

Not where you used to be, but um, creating is a great stress relief. So, you know, for a lot of US, oil painting would not fit in this category, but if you're thinking I don't have time for that, then picking something that is creative for you, that's super easy to do in short spurts. Important. That way you don't have that excuse.

So something that's not gonna require a lot of setup, something that is easily transportable, something that when your kids interrupt you, you haven't lost a stitch count. You know, that sort of thing. Creating might look different than it used to, but you can definitely. Get that into your routine as well.

So those are the three basics that I'm trying to refocus on this season. Sleep creating and going outside. Right now I'm focusing on sleep the most, so there's that. Let me know which of those three that you are most interested in working on. Send me a note, let me know. I'm not alone in these fairly basic struggles that even I as a nervous system coach can have.

So that's all for today's episode. Be sure to come back for our next episode For my interview with Alex Viera, she and I talk about stress, especially as stress relates to the holiday season upon us. So. What is dysregulation? What does that look like? How does stress affect that? So be sure to come back for that fun interview.

I had a great time talking with Alex. She's a fellow OT and I'm looking forward to sharing it with you if you are looking at the calendar and the holidays that are upon us. And just the idea of it stresses you out. Then I want you to remember that I am pleased to offer a free consultation session to all moms where we can talk about ways that you can use basic nervous system regulation techniques to bring connection and calm even into your busy life.

No strings attached, totally free. Be sure to find the link down in the show notes. Until next time. May you find connection even in that chaos.