Regulated Mom, Regulated Home: Start Here, with Alex Viera

In the last episode of 2025, we’re going back to the basics of nervous system regulation — especially for moms who feel constantly overwhelmed, overstimulated, or stuck in survival mode.

My guest is occupational therapist and nervous system coach Alex Viera, a mom of three who uses tough love, realistic tools, and functional routines to help moms get out of chronic stress and back into connection.

Together we break down:

• What regulation and dysregulation actually mean
• What dysregulation looks like in everyday mom life
• Why the holidays make everything feel harder
• The sneaky signs your nervous system is stuck in survival mode
• Three simple but powerful  habits to support your regulation (even if you “don’t have time”)

If your house feels chaotic, your reactions feel bigger than the situation, or the holidays tend to knock you off center — this episode is your starter guide.

We'll be back January 15th 2026 with fresh vision and maybe a little more rested too-- here's to hoping. Be sure to hit follow so you don't miss it when it drops!

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Access Alex's resources here: https://alexandria-viera.mykajabi.com/

Find Alex on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/the.confident.parent/

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Ready to start 2026 feeling supported and empowered with 1 thing to help you feel less reactive and more connected? Book your free Next Best Step consultation with Whitney here: https://www.sensationalmoms.com

This podcast is not meant as medical advice or a substitute for any medical advice. Please contact your health professional with any mental health or physical health questions or concerns.

Transcript

 Hey there and welcome back to the Sensational Moms Podcast. If you're a mom who easily feels overwhelmed and overstimulated by the chaos around you and inside of you. And you're ready to stop trying to well wish guilt trip and force your way outta feeling reactive and depleted, then welcome. Whether you've been around for a while, or if this is your first time listening, you have picked a great episode because we are going back to basics today with guest Alex Vierra. I met Alex online through Instagram, and let me say, whenever I find another OT working with other moms, I have to reach out because I feel like I have found a kindred spirit, and Alex is definitely that. In this episode, Alex and I demystify some of the lingo around nervous system regulation. So if you've heard that word and wondered what does that even mean, then we've got you covered. Today we talk about what it often looks like to feel dysregulated in the life of a mom, and specifically as it relates to the holidays as well. So give us 30 minutes of your time and you'll walk away with three tips to get you started on your own self-regulation journey, as Alex shares her favorites, along with some of her signature tough love. A little bit about Alex First, like I said, she is an occupational therapist and a nervous system coach, and a mom of three. Alex educates and empowers moms to take actionable steps in their healing and regulation journey. She uses tough love, functional advice and realistic tools to help moms stay consistent on their journey. Now when Alex and I were recording this episode in True Mompreneur style, she was in her van, and you will definitely understand when I jumped straight into this conversation because we were having some earlier tech glitches in our conversation. So we're gonna pick up right where the recording kicked in Well, and we will get started. So here we go. So before I hit record, you and I were just chatting a bit about your journey and what has led you to be able to provide this very personal service for moms. So can you tell us how you got here? So, like I was just saying, I was a nanny for a long time. A professional nanny. I got to like travel around the country and stuff. It was really cool. And a couple of the kids I worked with did have disabilities and just being a part of that family system. Um, and I decide to go into OT work because I'm like, I love kids. How can I, you know, help more children? So, became an ot, started doing early intervention, which is going into the homes with kids zero to three. Doing therapy with them. And a lot of it was just taking care of mom. She's like, I need to go shower. You know, like those, those kind of things. And then I worked in the clinical setting for a few years and same thing, helping these kids, mostly kiddos with autism and A DHD, and just seeing how their parents were really struggling and I could tell their parents were pretty dysregulated. So I'm like, okay. My goal is to really help children. How can I do that if they are going home to dysregulate parents every day? Because right when we are an autopilot, when we're stuck in fight or flight, which is they say 70% of our lives we're not connected, we're like, we're not slowing down to like really invest in our children because we don't really, we're not really invested in ourselves. So. That's how I started this work with moms. And then I became a mom and I'm like, that made me a better therapist. 'cause I'm like, go home. 30 minutes of exercise with your kids. And then I became a parent and I'm like, who the heck recommends that? Yeah. Yeah. And I saw just how difficult it was. 'cause I struggled postpartum, um, with my first two really. And yeah, it's, it's, it's. It's stuff that no one really talks about. A lot of moms don't know this stuff, and I'm seeing more OTs in this space doing it, and it's, um, it's just so, it's so important. It is. It's, it's so needed. And like you said, I look back on those early years as an OT and I wish I could just go back to myself then and have a little chat now, you know, 16 years ago, you know, now that I've got kids of my own, like you said, and. It really, the, the unique thing about being in this space that we're in now is that we are able to look at the family as a whole unit. Mm-hmm. You know, outside of that micro lens and, you know, figure out what's the best way to really support everyone so that everyone can thrive and, you know, who is the piece that in the family unit that's most likely gonna touch and affect everyone in that family. It's going to be mom. So Yeah. For sure. Thanks for sharing your story with us here. So let's go straight to it. What does it mean to Alex? What does it mean to you to be dysregulated? Yeah, so I know that's a fancy word, so I wanna start off with what regulation is. So regulation, I think everyone. Might perceive it to be like, we're Gandhi, we're like chill, we're cool all the time. Like the house could be on fire. And we're like, we're okay, man. Like that is not regulation. Regulation is when that internal state matches like the external state, the environment. So I would say regulation is that like if you're in a chaotic environment and your kids are running around and you can't find, find them, and you're feeling like you're in fight or flight. That would be normal, right? Because our nervous system's job is to keep us safe and that's what it's doing. But when we feel like we're stuck in that fight or flight or that functional freeze in the every day when we kind of shouldn't be, maybe we're just at home and our kids feels their juice and we're just like, ah, you know, that like reaction. Um, and if that is the norm, that is dysregulation because it is. Normal and typical to go into a fight or flight state, but we wanna come back to a regulated baseline of rest and digest. Okay. Our baseline should not be fight or flight all the time, or functional freeze all the time. So I would say dysregulation is when that internal state and that like external state aren't really matching up and we're just getting stuck there. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think that it's. It's easier to see those moments of dysregulation than it is to think about just the regulation piece by itself, because we recognize the guilt that can come from feeling stuck in that dysregulated state a lot. And yeah, I, I think at the heart of it, what I hear you saying is that we need to be able to move. From one state to the other in a more fluid manner without getting stuck in, like you said, that chronic state of stress. You know, whether it looks like functional, free, freeze, fight or flight. Yeah. Not getting stuck there. So, um, I like thinking about the word connection a lot because that state of regulation allows us to be connected to ourselves, connected to others as well. When we're dysregulated, one or the other at least, is usually out of sync there. So yeah. Yeah, yeah. I love, love that word connection. It's so true because when you're on autopilot and you're stuck in survival mode, you're not connected to yourself. You don't even realize maybe that you're struggling and you're not connect. Yeah. Not connected to yourself and not connected to those around you. So I love that word. So what are those? Like you said, we often don't even realize what is going on, so what are some of those red flags that might be, that might be thrown up when we realize, wait a second, maybe something is actually wrong here. What, what? What are some of those issues? Yeah, so just remembering that right when we're in autopilot and we're stuck in survival mode, that's that primitive part of our brain. The smart brain essentially shuts off. Right. So higher levels of executive functioning like, oh, maybe I need to take deep breaths right now and step away. Maybe I need to do this, like. Sometimes that even if you had the skills right, like me and you probably have the tools and the skills, but when you get like that cup overflows, it can be really hard to connect back to like that smart brain. 'cause your body is like, there's a tiger trying to kill me right now. Okay. I'm not focusing on deep breaths and connection. Yeah. So some of red flags are like we're saying like. If you are irritable all the time and so snappy, and you're like, whoa, like, and you have those moments of awareness, like, God, what's wrong with me? Like, and then obviously we're gonna feel guilt because you know, we come back to more of a regulated state, we're like, oh man, I just completely reacted. Which is, you know, that's what happens. And I think it's crazy that. This is completely out of our control, whether you go into fight, flight, or freeze when your child throws a Lego at your face, like, like one time I think my daughter threw something at me and I just like grab it, threw it right back at her, and I was like, I'm like, oh my gosh, what the heck? What was that? Yeah, yeah. That's just your nervous system reaction. Reacting. But yeah, noticing your behavior. Hey, like for me, that looks like. I'm, we're an ot. We let our kids create and get messy. But when I'm like so on edge about don't dump that out. Don't, no, no, no. Put your cup in the safe zone, you're gonna spill your cup. Like just the little things and, and I'm getting overstimulated much quicker and easier, like my kids screams and then I just have that huge reaction. Like that's just to me a sign that that nervous system is already on edge and hypervigilant a little. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I, you know yourself like well enough to know those things. Yes, yes. So it starts with that self-awareness and a little bit of that connection. Mm-hmm. And you know, there are times in our lives, and you might remember this postpartum, where our nervous system is more hypervigilant 'cause it's trying to keep another human alive. Mm-hmm. So that's kind of me. Right now I'm in more of this hypervigilant mode and I'm aware of that. So I'm working a lot harder to. Remind my nervous system, like, it's okay. We're safe. You know? Let's take some deep breath, right? Yeah, yeah. That connection and that awareness to yourself. I think that red flag for me is that mess in my house, and if you saw the state of my garage right now, you'd be like, maybe you should be more concerned about that with, but keep the door closed. You don't need to see it. You know, we all have different tolerances for that visual clutter, you know, and I've actually come to realize that I have a much better tolerance for that. When I am feeling regulated, yes. But when I'm not regulated, I go into, okay, everybody stop your schoolwork for the day. Stop whatever you're doing. We have to clean this house, like right now. Like a, A rage clean monster. Yes. You know, stuff that. You know, when I'm not feeling, when I'm, when I'm feeling more regulated, it, I'm able to overlook. But when you are in that stress mode Yeah. It's like you are just panning your environment and you just zoom in. Right. Like you, you don't, you lose perspective. Yes. Yeah. That window of tolerance, why? Right. There's like a graph, like that window of tolerance is very, very tiny. When we're like, we're feeling a little more dysregulated for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, so. It's so important to learn those cues in ourself because I've learned, now you know what? What I actually need when I'm starting to feel like I go into a rage clean mode. What we actually need to do is go outside Yes. And play. And then we come back in. And those things that seemed like giant piles of laundry that looked like, you know, Mount Everest are now in their right position as just a pile on the couch and I can move on. And not have, you know, lost it with my kids and, you know, and, and what I, whatever else, what it would've and could have happened if I had gone into Rage clean mom. So, love that. I was just do reading some research about how effective it is to just go outside for a few minutes to combat the visual, like overstimulation. The neutral greens are extremely regulating, so it's like, go outside and stare at the leaves. Just like try to start counting them, you know, like, get, get back into your body, you know, let let the quiet and the, and the beautiful, you know, you know, energy and the neutral colors just, ah, give your body that deep breath and that signal of like, okay, the laundry pile's not gonna, yes, the laundry pile's not gonna eat me alive, you know? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And the birds, you know, I'm not sure if you've also read that little bit of information about bird songs and how birds sing when it's, when everything's okay. Right. And so when we hear birds in the background, and it reminds us, okay, everything is gonna be. Okay. Yes. Yes. Puts things like perspective, right? Like this is, that's when I'm telling my nervous system, you're safe. It's okay. This is not an emergency. Yeah, yeah. You know, dysregulation because when this episode airs, it's going to be closer to the holidays and I'm thinking about what could be possible causes of dysregulation in the holidays. Uh, you know. I can think we can just kind of ping pong back and forth here. I'll start, you know, thinking of finances, right? Yeah. Christmas and gift buying is a common source of dysregulation. Mm-hmm. Stress. Yeah. Being around family, we love our family, but sometimes family members have opinions and sometimes we're sensitive to their energy so we can feel, you know, we know them pretty well. We can feel their energy and it's contagious and. Yeah. Yeah. Boundaries are, boundaries are so important around the holidays. Yeah. And it looks different, like you said, we're around different people. And another stressor that might throw things off is different schedules or maybe lack of routine looking different around the holidays as well. So it's understandable that we'd feel a little bit more dysregulated. Mm-hmm. Um, anything else you can think of? Yeah, I mean that, that schedule changes. Big transitions 'cause that'll dysregulate our children as well. And I just think of food like if my kids, oh yeah, sugar. My daughter's like I go crazy when I eat sugar. I'm like, oh yes you do. And then we're all crazy. Yeah. Sugar and I die for one of my kids. And having to have those conversations with more people. Um, fortunately this kid is aware, but it's still not fun to be a kid and go to stuff and, you know, red, you know, it's Christmas, it's gonna be red and it's red that we really can't do. Yeah. Yeah. That's a hard one when your kid is like, but I really want, you know, and then it makes everyone feel bad too, right? Because we're at events and, oh, I really wanted so and so to, to decorate a cookie and yeah, I'm so sorry. Letting someone else's emotions be their emotions and not mine can be really hard. Yeah. And that's one thing that awareness goes far when we're eating a lot of sugar and we're not, you know, getting the nutrients we need and the protein and all that. I feel like crap when I'm eating a lot of sugar and junk and then I'm even more dysregulated. So that messes with your blood sugar and your hormones and all that. So, yeah. You know? Yeah. Um, less sleep. I think with going into just a different season in general can be an adjustment period. The days, I mean the, the nights will be longer, but still it's just a shift. And if you have a kid that is more sensitive to thoses, then it takes a while and the time change, oh my gosh. The time changes around our quarter here, but it takes, it takes us at least a month and. Uh, it's, it's hard. I thought that would get easier, but that's one of those things I thought would get easier as my kids got older. Yeah. So it doesn't darn, I mean, it just looks different. Right? And maybe, maybe there just comes a point where you're just like, Hey, as long as you stick in your room, just you do you. I don't care. You do. This guy a mommy needs a break. It's like a reverse hostage situation. Yeah. Your kids are a little older than mine, so you can teach me some things. Um, but yeah, like you said, sleep is a big one. Um, so my husband's from South America, he's from Uruguay, and we'll be going there for a month, which is such a blessing, but in. Spanish cultures dinners at 10 bed, there's no bedtime. Oh my goodness. There's no rules. So yeah, I'm already like, okay, Alex, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna let go, you know, it's gonna be fine, but it's gonna be an adjustment. We're gonna be tired, you know, so that's Well, and traveling too, like traveling 11 hours of, of travel. Oh my goodness. Well, at least she'll be there a month, I guess, because it's gonna take you a while to recover from that, right? Yeah. I, last year I flew by myself like seven months pregnant with two little ones. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I was like, 16 hours of total travel. Um, I'm like, whew. If I could do that, I could do anything. Yeah. Yeah. Hats off. Wow. So there are so many possible reasons to be dysregulated around the holidays, but yeah, it's gonna probably look pretty similar. Oh, oh, I almost forgot one of my favorites. Um, just feeling like you need to be the mom, right? Like the Instagram mom or the, you know, be the mom that has it all together and make it extra special. So you've got that extra pressure too, right, of being on. Yeah, we want our kids to have great experiences and yeah, I think we might put the set the bar really high, you know? For sure. Yeah. Yeah. And ultimately what our kids really need is a mom who can enjoy what's going on at, even if Christmas dinner is getting a happy meal at McDonald's. Yeah. You know? That sounds real good to me. You know, for a while, uh, we, we, uh, did, did we do it again last year? We did tacos for Christmas Eve dinner. That's just what we always did. 'cause it would be in the crock pot and we came home from the church service. So it would just be super easy. So yeah, I, I'm all about easy food around the holidays. One day, one of my kids, I've got some kids who really enjoy baking and I'm like, one day you can take over. I'm cool with that. Yeah. I'll be your sous chef. I'll chop. Yeah. Yeah. 'cause we feel like we have to do certain things and we're not honoring our own energy. Like, you know, my daughter's birthday party's coming up this weekend, we're gonna have a lot of people and it's gonna be so busy. And my mom's like, what are you cooking? I'm like, uh, nothing. I'm not cooking for 30 people. I have three young kids. Like, you know, I definitely could try, but that would just be a lot on me that, you know, you have to kind of. Think in advance about your regulation, your regulated state. Yeah. I don't wanna be at this party stressed out and you know, so we're gonna buy food. Yeah. You know, like you could do it because you know, yeah. You have to figure out what, what's the mo, what's the most important to you, right. Yeah. And you kind of have to know, like, you know, going into it, these things are going to be a delightful experience, but also attacks on my nervous system. So if I want to be. If I want to remember to stay this way and be this mom for my kid, then you know the, these are the changes. These are your accommodations. We can, I'm willing to make, right? Yes. Yes. That's important too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I know we've talked a little bit about what is regulation, what's, what does dysregulated look like and what are some things that can lead to that state? Let's talk a little bit about how things can really. Snowball when it comes to dysregulation. Yeah. And I think it's the, the chronic part, right? When our nervous system right. Stuck for so long and we just keep going and doing, and then we're hard on ourselves. All like, oh, you, you know, you don't have time to rest. It's that chronic, the chronic overstimulation, the chronic stress, well, there's stressors, you know? Mm-hmm. The stressors in our environment that are causing our body that chronic stress, and I think that's what we have to be careful for. 'cause that's when burnout happens. That's when our body just. Completely shuts down. You might get sick and be on the couch for two weeks, you know? So that's why those little habits that we're gonna talk about, combat that chronic part so it doesn't become chronic. So when you're doing your practices and your habits, you're resetting your nervous system, you know? So it's not building, building up, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So you talked about how with regulation it's important to be able to move in and outta those different states that they have their place. Right? Like you better be stressed when you're running around the playground trying to find a missing child. Yeah. You know, you better be. Yeah. But. We better not be like that when we're looking for a missing cup of juice in the house, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's a bit much. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, things can snowball. It reminds me of a conversation that I had with one of my kids on Monday. Monday was a challenging day for me, and we were reflecting back on a conflict that we had, and this is my, one of my older kids, my 11-year-old, and he said, I. I said, mom, I actually, I really don't even remember what, what made me mad. I just remember that we got there. He said, I think it was something that was really small, but it just got bigger and bigger, you know, and that's how it is with stress. It's like you can't, so sometimes you go back and figure out what started it before. It's just come into this like monstrous situation. Wow. Well, you're, yeah, your 11-year-old. Yeah. I'm glad he has you because you're teaching him those skills and that language and that awareness. So, you know, a lot of this stuff we were never taught, we're teaching it to our kids, so that's really cool. Say that. Yeah, that's, um, like you said, looking at the family as a whole, that's why I'm so passionate about doing this. It was actually one of my kiddos that. Started my own personal growth journey, some difficulties we were having where I realized, okay, well I can't figure this out for myself, so why should I be surprised that you are having a hard time? So yeah, here we are. Um, so if we know that snowball is there and we want to address that head on and it not happen, right? Mm-hmm. Then what, what are some super simple things that you would recommend to a mom to start with? Yeah. So I would start with number one, building that awareness and connection. I'm glad you threw that word out there, because if you just don't even have that awareness, um, it's gonna be hard to really know what you need in the moment. So I love journaling. That's kind of how my journey started. I would, you know, get into these patterns of just dysregulation and burnout, and then I would, you know, just dump everything on paper. Just that itself is like. It's so good. It's just as good as therapy. It is therapy, and I would go back months before, months prior and be like, oh my gosh, I'm doing the same thing. This is a pattern where I have no boundaries. I go, go, go, go, go. Crash and burn, and do it again, and do it again. Or, you know, maybe I am, you know, not having boundaries or not resting or not meeting a basic need that is really important to me. So just journaling and building that slowing down so you can build that awareness and connection to yourself. Yeah. And the second one is, I call it checking in. It's a two minute habit that just, it slows you down, it gets you outta autopilot, and you're just like, Hey, and you kind of come outta yourself, like you're even talking to yourself like, Hey, yeah. We need to take a step back. Usually we keep trying to pushing through and keep going, keep cooking the dinner, keep doing the bedtime. But in that instance it's like are we really being that productive and helpful to our kids? And that's when you're just like, I'm just gonna take a step back and check in with myself. Like, okay, like what is my body feeling? Okay, let me just take some deep breaths to tell my nervous system. 'cause I believe it's our job to tell our nervous system we're safe. 'cause our nervous system is always scanning for danger. And modern day, you know, caveman running from tigers. This is like modern day, like threat, you know, the, the chronic overstimulation and, you know, demands we have. So it's so important for us to slow down and just breathe and be like, Hey, to your nervous system, we're safe. It's okay. We can take deep breaths. We can just, you know, ground and there's some simple things we can do with that. But I think that itself, and there's research that says if you can do this, if you can check in and take your breaths two times a day, for two minutes, for two weeks, you'll see a significant change in your nervous system because your nervous system's gonna be addicted to the go, go, go. And when you start this practice, it's gonna be so uncomfortable. Like, I remember, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna breathe and I'm gonna sit here. And then my brain is like, Ugh, the sock on the floor. Oh, the dishes. Oh, you know, like the nervous system is like, you gotta go. But it's like, no, you're safe. You can slow down. You can feel safe in your body. And this, this two minute practice does that. And I think it's our job to teach our nervous system in that. And then the more you do it, the more your baseline becomes this safety. That's what we want. We want the baseline to be regulation, not fight or flight. So it's literally just two minutes. That's it. Two minutes a day, four minutes if you can, during those stressful times, you know, and having that awareness of, well, it's always around dinner time where I start to lose all my marbles, you know? Well, maybe in the middle of dinner before you can step outside, you know, take your deep breaths. Yeah. Meet those basic needs daily, you know, so that window of tolerance Right. Is a lot bigger. Yeah. Yeah. So if you are working with a mom, pretend I'm that mom right now, and I'm gonna say, Alex, I don't have time for that. Mm-hmm. I, how, how do you, how do you figure out how to work that into the daily rhythm and routine when it's something that seems so foreign? Right. Because I think when we're in that fight or flight state and we're used to that, it's a lot easier just to say, Nope. Can't do it. Yeah. So, uh, that's when I come in with tough love. I'm be like, look, those thoughts, I don't have time. I can't do this for myself. I have no help. It's too much. First of all, that's your dysregulated nervous system. Okay? You are not your thoughts and mo Mo a majority of our thoughts are negative 'cause it's our nervous system just trying to pro, protect, protect us. Yeah. Yes. And then when you're really dysregulated those, that thought loop is just going, so I'm gonna be like. That is your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. That is, those thoughts are your nervous system and those are limiting beliefs. And if your loop is, I don't have time for myself, there's no time, guess what? That becomes your reality because your brain looks for evidence to support those thoughts. Your nervous system looks for evidence to support that. But if you can start to shift and change those beliefs and say, I make time for myself. There is time for myself. I create that time. It feels weird, but once you start doing that, your nervous system looks for evidence to support that. Like, Hey, right here, during this transition, when the kids get home and they want a little quiet time, that's my five minutes to take care of myself and not to keep pushing. Right. And that's why this holistic, we're OTs we're all about the holistic approach. That's when the mental health comes in along with the physical and then there's emotional and spiritual. So addressing our mental health is huge. That's one of the first things I had to do. 'cause I would wake up and I would be on that loop. You know, we work full-time, we have young kids, we do a majority of the things. It's so easy to get stuck in there, but if you say, I am not this thought. This is my nervous system trying to protect me. That is so powerful. Yeah. So I, I use a lot of tough love with those moms because I had tough love. That's how I, you know, started to do this work. So, so you have to be willing to interrupt those thoughts. Yes. And to see them for what they are. Yeah. Yeah. That's awareness. I mean, I mean, let's be honest here. Most of us sit on the toilet for longer than two minutes. You know, we can find a way to work in two minutes of time. Yeah. To do these things. Or you know, if we're going to pick up our kids in Carline, those transition times can be really hard. For moms. Mm-hmm. So if we think about, okay, what is a transition that I could really use some extra support before, um, even though I homeschool my kids, they're getting older, and so we're spending more time in the car. And that has definitely affected my nervous system this year, especially because the unpredictable nature of it, right? Like I can't tell you that school drop off is at. X time and school pickup is at y time, and you know what I mean? Like it's just a little more unpredictable and yeah. You know, Tuesday is different than a Thursday and it just like, it messes with me. So those are times where I need a little bit more support. Mm-hmm. Those transitions for moms can be hard too. And maybe that would be a time where we could take those two minutes, set a reminder on our phone. Whatever we need to do or have a kid, you know, if you do have a kid with you, I love being able to give kids power to Lord over me because they love it. Yeah. And, and it gives them, you know, and you can't tell you're a kid. Well you can, but it won't get you very far, you know? I know I told you to tell me that, but I'm not actually gonna do that. You know, so they can help us, you know, hold us accountable as well. Mm-hmm. Yes. I love that for sure. Yeah. Transitions. So habits. Yeah, you were talking about, um, so checking in, journaling has been really helpful for you as well. Mm-hmm. And is there anything else that you think, okay, this is where I would recommend mom to start. So action. You know, taking action is what changes the nervous system. 'cause it our nervous system, when we decide to make a change, it's gonna try to hold us back and keep us in that comfort zone. But action is really what tells our nervous system we're safe. So if you just think about journaling for two minutes and checking in and then meeting your basic needs. So I kind of broke it into just six basic needs. So there's quality, sleep, nutrition, hydration. Movement, rest. There's different types of rest, joy, and interest and connection. So you, you know, you're kind of checking in with yourself. Well, wow, I really haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a few nights and I haven't moved my body and oh crap, when was the last time I drank water? You know? Uh, it's the, those little things, and that's the, the long, the long term, if you can. Pick your two or three basic needs that you're like, this is what my nervous system needs from me. Um, doing that, it's gonna create that, it's gonna. Create that safety within our nervous system, you know, it's gonna keep us maybe at that baseline, um, you know, window of tolerance, like you said, when we're in a regulated state for longer periods of time, that's when beautiful things happen and clarity happens, and connection happens, and that's the goal, to have that baseline. So meeting our needs definitely does that. It's habits like you are your habits. I'm sorry, but if you are staying up late and you're drinking and you know, having a drink every once in a while is nice, but like. You don't tell me you're tired and you're exhausted and you don't feel good. If you stay up late, you eat crap and you don't take care of yourself like it's a reality. You know? It's, it's, it's also a discipline. You're like, I don't wanna exercise and I don't wanna go to bed early, but if I don't sleep well, you know, that's the battle of moms. I wanna stay up late and have alone time. But yeah, if you don't sleep enough, you're waking up in the middle of stress cycle and you're stressed when you wake up. So what do you want your life to look like? You are your habits. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, you know, picking something to start with, with those habits. Yes. Mm-hmm. I guess sometimes you kind of have a moment where we realize, oh my gosh, everything is all, you know, all out of whack here. And then it's almost like New Year's resolution. Like we think there's gonna be some sort of like. Magic pill we're gonna take and you know, we're gonna wake up a new person and we're gonna do all the things right. And we all know that's not realistic. And it's probably setting us up for that cycle of like guilt and shame to be like, well, I thought I could do it and I didn't do it. And I'll never be able to be a regulated mom, I'll never be able to, you know, feel connected or, you know, we just kind of get on that, that loop. Right? So those. Uh, goal so that we can realize that sense of success is really, really important. And that's the beauty of coaching, you know, working along with moms to figure out what is your version of bite-sized success, right? Yes. What is going to get you the most benefit mm-hmm. For the least amount of work, you know? Yeah. What, what are all these parts we can look at? We can look at the environment, we can look at what you're doing, and we can look at you. We can look at all of these aspects and figure out, you know, what, how can we get success? How can we get that feeling of, wow, I, I really can make these steps and, and get there. Right? Yeah. And I think that's what. US OTs have that a lot of other professions don't have. We really have that holistic approach and we can look at the environment, we can look at the person, we can look at the occupations, what's meaningful to you. You know, it's that really holistic approach. And, um, you know, I think OTs who work with moms, like, anytime I, I need help, I find an OT who works with moms because they get it, you know, they see it all, and. It's gonna be really realistic. And they understand the nervous system. You know, like, like you said, people are like, I'm gonna work out one hour a day. Like that's not gonna be sustainable. Your nervous system's not gonna like that. It's two or three minutes. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? If you're already coming at it in a chronic stress state, oh yeah. Then trying your HIIT workout actually probably isn't that great of an idea for most of us to start off with, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, um, figuring out that perspective and just the fact that each family is so different and, you know, this family's version of connection and joy is going to be different than another family's version. And this mom's feeling of connection and joy is gonna be different than another mom's. But ultimately, yes, we do want to not feel so dysregulated, right? We want to. Feel that connection to ourselves and enjoy being with our kids most of the time. Right? Yeah. And that's the goal. Like we don't, you know, they say we spend 70% of our lives in survival mode and. We don't wanna have regret, you know, like, I mean, I have regret from, you know, my postpartum times being hard and you know, I've forgiven myself and give myself grace, but I also didn't know this stuff. And I think once you know this stuff, it's your job to do better. You know, it. Your your, our goal is to be great parents and to give our kids everything and give them great childhoods. But if we're not enjoying our motherhood, you know, that's, that's another thing, you know, we, we wanna connect with ourselves and love ourselves and give us what we need so we can show up for our kids. And I feel like this, you know, we do sacrifice everything for our kids, but you know, we also have to make sure that we're meeting our needs. Right, right. Or like, we're. They always say, put your mask on first. You know? Yeah. Like, if you're outing, you can't save other people. You know? It's really, like you said, it starts with mom and I see a huge shift when moms decide to put in this work and work on their nervous system. It changes the whole family. Like dad gets on board, kids get on board. You know, it's, it's really powerful work. Oh yeah. It's, um, I can say that seeing my children use. The good words that I have used, you know? Mm-hmm. On my own healing journey. Mm-hmm. Seeing them use the same language in hard situations mm-hmm. Has just been so encouraging, you know? Yeah. Having the kids that are a few steps ahead of yours, and it's been so, so rewarding, but it truly. Started with my willingness to commit to that. Yeah. But also, you know, we are all going to make mistakes as moms. Yeah. And we're all, that's just part of, we are growing up, right. We're, we are always growing ourselves up even though we are adults. Mm-hmm. And I think that we're really only able to look back on those hardships and those difficult times with grace. Mm-hmm. When we are coming at it from a state of feeling regulated. And understanding that we can actually show ourself compassion in those moments. Yes. But that's really hard to do when we're living in a, in a state of chronic, overwhelmed and chronic dysregulation. It's hard to look back at those moments and give ourselves that grace. Yeah. Yeah. And I think self-compassion, your compassion is incomplete if it doesn't include yourself. You know, and I, when we beat ourselves up, I think it disregulates us even more, um, like. A lot of us feel guilty when we rest, and that's just culture, and that's just the way we were raised. Like it takes time to relearn these things, so every time you rest and you're like, oh, this feels so wrong, lean into that and be like, it's okay, and I deserve this rest, you know? Yeah. I, I still struggle with it, you know, it's a, it's an ongoing process. So these are muscles. I guess you could say that we are just slowly building over time. And you work on this with moms. So can you let us know how you work with moms and how moms that are listening can connect with you? So I have, um, I'm the confident parent on Instagram and Facebook and just type in Alex Vira. 'cause there might be a couple other confident parents out there. And yeah, just con listen to the podcast. Listen to podcasts like yours and, and you know, I do a lot of lives and just take that information and like, take it to, to. Make action out of it because when we just consume, we're not really changing anything. Well, that's it. Alex and I had some technical difficulties at the end of the conversation as well. I think her phone died in the van conversation, and that's how life just happens sometimes when you coach moms and you are a mom yourself. Alex and I are passionate about getting this information out there for moms. Even in the slim margins that we have. So thank you so much for joining me, Alex. I really enjoyed our conversation. I hope that you have a better handle on what on earth regulation and regulated mean. So it is definitely not feeling calm all the time. Right. I know I've said that over and over again, but I feel like we set these just totally unrealistic expectations for ourselves as moms. Hopefully you can also see how truly foundational things like basic self-care journaling and just checking in with yourself on a regular basis how these things can really make real changes for you in your overwhelm. As a mom, be sure to check out Alex's fantastic resources, including her courses coaching and her new regulated mamas app as well. Of course, links to all of those things will be down in the show notes too. Now, if you're looking at 2026 and know that something has to change for you to feel less reactive with your kids and more at peace and connected with yourself and others, then this is your year to stop trying to strong arm and force your way to regulation. Stop trying to put all these puzzle pieces together for yourself with random things that you find on the internet or social media, or maybe the next book that you have the best intention of reading, but never actually finish and have a hard time applying to your life because you really do not need to know all the things. As Alex and I discussed, knowing does not equal doing right. So you need to know one small shift that you can make in your home with your unique nervous system, and that is what a free consultation with me is all about. So book your next best step free consultation with me today@sensationalmoms.com. And. This feels really strange to say, but this is the last episode of 2025 in December. I look forward to slowing down a little bit and turning inward because fall has been a really challenging season for me personally. I know that along with that change, I will see growth, but in the meantime, I'm giving myself some time to simply. Be, and I'm excited to see how these changes grow and stretch what I do with other moms as well. So in the meantime, I wish you a season of rest in this holy darkness, and I will see you on the other side of growing light in longer days. Until then, may you find connection even in the chaos. And I will see you back January 15th.