Cyra B: Reclaiming Power After Pregnancy Loss

When former doctor and EFT coach Cyra Baria became pregnant for the first time, she never imagined the heartbreak that would follow. After a traumatic pregnancy loss at 24 weeks, she faced deep grief, guilt, and isolation in a system that didn’t know how to support her. 

Years later, through postpartum depression, infertility, and the move to a new country, she slowly found her way back, not by forgetting the pain, but by learning to live with it.

Together, we talk about loss, resilience, the myths surrounding “moving on,” and the importance of giving grief a home.

Key Takeaways

• Medical training doesn’t protect you from emotional trauma, and it can even make self-blame worse.
• The term “cervical insufficiency” may be medical, but it doesn’t define a person’s worth or motherhood.
• Grief is not just about loss;  it’s about love with nowhere to go.
• Healing often begins when we learn to bring safety back into our bodies.
• EFT can help calm the nervous system by communicating safety to the brain and body.
• Reclaiming your power doesn’t mean forgetting your pain; it means learning to live in your truth again.

Soundbites

• “Grief is not just about the loss. It’s all the love that has nowhere to go.” — Cyra Baria
• “Cervical insufficiency made me feel like the most insufficient person in the world. But it’s just a term — it doesn’t define who we are.” — Cyra Baria
• “Even when I felt powerless, I was still fighting — for my voice, my children, and myself.” — Cyra Baria
• “The bear isn’t here right now. EFT helped me tell my brain that I’m safe.” — Cyra Baria
• “You don’t have to be fixed to be whole. You can hold grief and joy at the same time.” — Chelsea Myers

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

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Transcript

Chelsea Myers (01:37)
Hello! This morning I am here with Cyra. Cyra, how are you?

Cyra Baria (01:44)
Hi, I'm good, thank you.

Chelsea Myers (01:46)
I'm so happy to have you here with me this morning. I'm happy to connect with you. Yeah. I'm going to dive right in on a Monday morning as we're recording this. I'd love it if you could introduce yourself to my listeners and let us know who you were before you became a mom.

Cyra Baria (01:50)
Happy to be here. Happy to be here.

So I'm Cyra and before I became a mom, I was a doctor. I was living in Pakistan and currently I'm living in Canada. Before that I was living in Pakistan. I was a doctor. I had done my MBBS, which is the graduation over there for being a medical doctor.

and then I was doing a part of my residency. And then I got married and I became a mom and I was always a shy person and ⁓ focused and studious and on my studies and very, but I had become more outgoing as after I got married and I'd become more ⁓ confident and

After also I became a doctor, it just brought up a new confidence in me. yeah, it was, that's about it in a nutshell. That's the nutshell version. But yeah, yeah, so.

Chelsea Myers (03:15)
That's the nutshell version of... Yeah!

Well, and who is Cyra today? What brings you joy? What fills your cup?

Cyra Baria (03:28)
So yeah, today I am a little bit different, I'd say very different with a lot of things that have happened and a lot of, but I enjoy spending time with my kids and doing things with them. I enjoy spending time with my family, traveling. We love traveling together and I do.

Chelsea Myers (03:35)
Yeah?

Cyra Baria (03:56)
I do EFT coaching. an emotional freedom techniques coach or emotional wellness coach. And I help women with anxiety and overwhelm ⁓ feel better in their bodies and themselves in their nervous systems and to get out of their head and into their life. ⁓ Because that's how I was like, I felt like I was all into my head.

when all this happened and a little bit before that too. you know, just so getting into the present moment, being focused, bringing yourself back. I mean, life happens to all of us, right? In a lot of ways. And every day there's something or whether it be big or small, but just to know how to, you know, handle those things, just to know how to bring yourself back, take the power back without like external

external help is good and sometimes we all need medications and sometimes we need doctors. That's great. I myself am a doctor in another lifetime. I still, I don't practice as a doctor anymore, but I'm more of a coach now. But I always carry that with me. But still it is, you know, to

Chelsea Myers (04:56)
Mm-hmm.

Ha!

Cyra Baria (05:23)
have that power and this is something I was looking for always to have something to have these tools to take it back, to take your power back, to feel better in yourself, ⁓ to feel confident, to feel ⁓ okay, you know, to feel safe in your body and your nervous system, which is something I've learned over this whole process of pregnancy and postpartum because that's where it

most started for me, the intense, the heavy feelings. Like before I was always, ⁓ I was a little bit of a nervous and shy kid and you know, a little bit of bullying in my childhood and all of that I've experienced. But when this, when this postpartum stuff hit, that was like, you know, that got me to a whole different level of anxiety and overwhelm and depression. And I just did not know.

Chelsea Myers (06:06)
Mmm.

Cyra Baria (06:22)
what to do. And I didn't know, you know, those feelings. And I just thought I was, I wasn't good enough. And I was, you know, and I didn't know what to do. So it was, I didn't know how to help myself. The doctor's appointments came after a long time, like, you know, and in between what to do, right? What do do for yourself? How do you get out of those states in your mind?

Chelsea Myers (06:23)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (06:52)
You know, so when I learned EFT, it was all about love and acceptance. It was all about, you know, the basic statement there is like, even though I feel this way, I choose to love and accept myself anyway. So when, when I got that, when I got an understanding of that, and it's much deeper than that, but when I got an understanding of that, basically, you know, that really helped me that changed a lot for me.

Chelsea Myers (06:53)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (07:22)
you know, to be compassionate with myself first. I was very compassionate and giving with others always, like, you know, doing things for the eldest daughter, you know.

Chelsea Myers (07:23)
Yeah.

⁓ yes,

eldest daughter, I know it well. Yes. I know that the eldest daughter syndrome. Yes. Yes.

Cyra Baria (07:35)
Right? Yeah, yeah,

and that song by Taylor Swift, the one that's just come out. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (07:42)
The yes that just came out. Yes.

Yes. We. Yes. It's a it's a never ending caretaking. Everyone else's needs come before ours. Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (07:49)
Alright.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I had

a lot of growing up, I had a lot of love in my family, but there was a lot of illness too. So I was always the caretaker. I was always the caretaker. I grew up being the caretaker. So, but then to have that for myself, to have those feelings for myself of care and support, I did not know how.

Chelsea Myers (08:08)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Right? It feels for you're like, no, I don't need help. Like you, yeah, it catches us off guard for sure. Yeah. ⁓ and I think what drew me to you as well, and listeners, this will be linked in the show notes, but if you go on Cyra Instagram, you demonstrate beautifully diff the different modalities of EFT. ⁓

Cyra Baria (08:28)
Yeah, yeah, it catches a self guard. yeah, yeah. And I think what drew me to you as well, listeners, this will be linked in the show notes, but if you go on Syra's Instagram, you demonstrate beautifully the different modalities of BFT.

Chelsea Myers (08:52)
And I love that you bring up that it's like tapping into yourself

Cyra Baria (08:53)
And I love that you bring up that it's like tapping into yourself.

Chelsea Myers (08:56)
and reclaiming your power. ⁓ that just speaks to me. So I really admire it, but we're going to go back in time.

Cyra Baria (08:56)
and reclaiming your power. That just speaks to me. So, really admire it. But, we're gonna go back in time.

Chelsea Myers (09:07)
So you're an eldest daughter. You were always in a caretaker position.

Cyra Baria (09:07)
we go. So you're an eldest daughter. You were always in the caretaker position.

Chelsea Myers (09:11)
Did you always picture yourself being a mother? Yes, that was a goal.

Cyra Baria (09:12)
Did you always picture yourself being a mother? Yes. Yes. Yes. That was a

goal. Yes, it was a goal. In fact, I think I wanted a whole cricket team or like 11 kids. know? Oh my goodness. But that changed. But that changed after my pregnancies. You know, that changed. I did not know, you know, how I would.

Chelsea Myers (09:29)
my goodness, you had big plans. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (09:41)
But earlier on in my life, yes, I wanted to be a mother, you know, the little house on the prairie and you know that. Oh my God, you're bringing me back to my childhood. What is happening? We're all the daughters, little house on the prairie.

Chelsea Myers (09:49)
my god, you're bringing me back to my childhood. Like this is exactly what is happening. We're eldest daughters, little house on the prairie. ⁓

So, so walk me through that process when you finally did come to the day where you decided it's time to start a family. What did that process look like for you?

Cyra Baria (10:05)
Walk me through that.

I'm sure you just.

Yeah, so I always knew that I wanted to be a mom and we were okay, like my husband was too and we were, you know, we got married after four years of dating because I was still finishing my MBBS, which is my medical degree. So I was waiting and then we got married and then the next year, like we were just, you know, trying. It's like, okay, let's do it. It wasn't...

We didn't think about it much. And in fact, we didn't even expect it. And it was there, the first pregnancy. Yeah, it just kind of happened. It just kind of happened. And we were excited. we were like, was more to go with the flow at that time. This is good. I got married. It's fun. yeah, let's, we were traveling before that also. We love to travel.

Chelsea Myers (10:51)
⁓ it just kind of happened. Yeah.

Like this is happening.

Cyra Baria (11:14)
It was one of our trips only before that and we realized that I'm pregnant and it was exciting. So it was the first year, the first anniversary where I realized I was pregnant. And then I was like, you know, happy. But then soon what happened was I had a hyperemesis gravidarum which I didn't know at that time, but it was a very...

Chelsea Myers (11:39)
Mmm.

Cyra Baria (11:44)
I kept vomiting all the time and I couldn't, nothing would suit me even. I was very independent and before that, because I'm a doctor, I was a doctor and I was like, I've been in those gyne wards and I worked ⁓ in gyne hospitals and I was like, okay, pregnancy is not a disease. And I always told my husband that. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (12:10)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (12:12)
I'm not sick. ⁓ This is not a disease. I'm going to take it with confidence. And I always wanted to breastfeed. I was very sure about that, that I wanted breastfeed. And this is going to be fun. But then when the sickness started and it was really, it just caught me off guard that how sick I was all the time. And they kept giving me, the doctor at that time that I had ⁓ was, ⁓

She was a great doctor, she said, don't ⁓ take a lot of medications. So it was that view that don't just take it when you need it. You don't have to be on it all the time. But I think at that time, even she didn't know the intensity of the hyperemesis, gravidarum that I had. So I took a little bit of it. And then I kept feeling that, OK, I'm taking medications. It might harm my baby.

Chelsea Myers (12:54)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (13:11)
Though they were safe, but I was cautious, you know? And then I had to, like, if I would be driving, I would, you know, throw up. I would have to limit things a lot. but it was still okay till, like, I say it was okay, but it wasn't, right? It was a lot of throwing up and feeling sick and just not.

Chelsea Myers (13:15)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (13:37)
migraines and well I get migraines anyway but so it was like okay I'm at one side I'm saying you know I'm not sick because pregnancy is not a disease pregnancy is a natural process and then the other way I'm feeling like that right so it was it was conflicting because I was feeling anything I would eat I would throw up anything you know I would be sick in the night I couldn't sleep and this was like very early on in the pregnancy

Chelsea Myers (13:39)
Ugh.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (14:07)
And I was throwing up a lot. So either it was that or just one fine day. It was 24 weeks, about 24 to 25 weeks, I'm not really sure. But it had just crossed that viability period.

So what happened was that I was having breakfast and I was just ⁓ some tea spilled on the table. And then I went to the, you know, it was okay. A lot of it didn't spill on me, but a little bit did. And I was scared, you know, hot tea spilling on. But then I went into the washroom to clean myself up and then there was a lot of blood.

Chelsea Myers (14:45)
Yeah.

⁓ yeah.

Cyra Baria (14:53)
There was a lot

of blood and, but it wasn't ⁓ really the tea. was just, you know, all the vomiting before and all the coughing and, you know, all of that, that was building up. But so I immediately, I was, you know, I called my doctor. She wasn't available, but they said come to the hospital. So, you know, I ran to the hospital. But then when I got there, the doctor was on a conference.

Chelsea Myers (15:05)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (15:22)
on a medical conference. So there was another doctor who came then the residents and the others, so they were like, no, it's nothing, it's a polyp. So it's a polyp. So I was a little bit, okay, it's a polyp, but still stay in the hospital. They admitted me for just to see. But I wasn't feeling that it was a polyp.

Chelsea Myers (15:36)
Mmm.

Cyra Baria (15:50)
I was like, this doesn't seem right. You the amount of blood that I saw, I didn't feel like it was a polyp. And it was continuously, you know, bleeding, even when I was lying down on the bed. And I asked them, can ⁓ I get a bedpan instead of me walking to the washroom all the time, put me on the bed? Because I knew from my knowledge, from my medical knowledge, that that's what you do. You go on bed rest.

Chelsea Myers (16:17)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (16:17)
you elevate

your legs and you go on bed rest, but no, they did not listen to me. And, you know, it was like a thing, you know, we know best and, you know, like I felt like I was being an annoying patient, but, and I was a doctor and they knew I was a doctor. So it was a little more, you know, okay, doctors can be the worst patients kind of a thing. So, but.

Chelsea Myers (16:22)
Mmm.

Cyra Baria (16:41)
Like I was trying to fight for myself. No, but they said, you know, even in the night, that whole night I was admitted in the hospital. So they saw the dilation. The dilation wasn't that much at that time. So it was a little bit, but it wasn't that much. So they said, you're OK. And so they said, you can go to the washroom. can, you know, it's this is not even called a dilation. So you're fine. So. ⁓

They made me go to the washroom, but I just felt this is not right. This is not right. I kept telling my parents, my husband, they're making me, but they're also like, the doctors are saying, go to the washroom. You can't do that in the morning. My dad was like, okay, let's fight for it. And then we said, okay, she's not feeling right. You get her a bedpan, because I just felt every time I walked, there was more blood.

Chelsea Myers (17:22)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (17:37)
You know, so, but then when I came back, ⁓ sorry, when the doctor came the next morning, so I was admitted on Saturday and the doctor who was on a conference, she finally came Sunday morning. And then she looks at me and she sees that it was dilated. It was dilated. And she said, we're gonna try for an immediate sutures.

Chelsea Myers (17:54)
Mmm.

Cerclo-

⁓ Cerclage Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (18:04)
Cerglage yeah, yeah, it's called a cerclage right?

Sometimes I forget the words, but yeah, it's a cerclage. So immediate suturing, right? So ⁓ she was still positive, you know, there was, but I was like, you know, Saturday when there was no dilation, that's the time that, you know, it should have happened, right? But when I, ⁓ so,

Chelsea Myers (18:10)
That's okay.

that that should have happened.

Cyra Baria (18:32)
They woke me up out of the, they took me, they put me under GA and then they woke me up like, you know, with that shot that immediately wakes you up out of GA. And then she was there and she gave me the bad news. And she was like, we tried, but we couldn't. It was too dilated for us to stitch up. And ⁓ she was like,

⁓ there's a 0.1 % chance that ⁓ the baby's still in there, but there's a 0.1 % chance you're considering the baby weight, but we'll still take all the precautions. We'll give you the injections. And then I was still ready to fight, right? Like I was like, okay, give the steroids for the lungs to develop and we have the monitors ready. have everything, you know, that whole week I spent a week in the hospital. So.

Chelsea Myers (19:19)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (19:30)
I spent a whole week in that hospital waiting and asking for, I even called up other doctors for second opinions and stuff. And one of the other doctors who became my doctor afterwards, she was like, this could have been prevented, but now, and I would like you to come to me, but you cannot be moved.

Chelsea Myers (19:56)
Mm.

Cyra Baria (19:56)
My mom went and spoke to her and she showed her all my charts and stuff and she said, don't move her right now. ⁓ It is too risky even to come from like, know, a 10 minute ride in the car or the ambulance, that would be even be risky. So just stay, but do all these things. You know, she gave me some external advices that, know, ⁓ make sure that they give you the steroids and, you know, make sure they're giving you the IV and all of this stuff that.

Chelsea Myers (20:17)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (20:26)
But because of my medical background, I could make sure that they were, and now I was like, okay, now I'm not listening to them anymore. I'm taking charge, which I feel a little bit still guilty about, right? That I could have taken charge before, but I did, I did try, but it's another, when you're in that patient.

Chelsea Myers (20:35)
You're taking charge at this point. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (20:54)
And you have to listen. You shouldn't have to be heard. But that whole night I was fighting and then I was disappointed because now you're telling me that there's nothing that can be done, right? So when they woke me up and told me and she told my husband outside and then they brought my husband into the room and ⁓ I did break down then.

Chelsea Myers (20:54)
You shouldn't have to, right? You shouldn't you shouldn't have to fight to be heard.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (21:24)
but I was like, you know, still ready to fight. I was like, we can still do this, you know? The NICU incubator, we can still do this. And we were ready like the whole week, like I said, I spoke to that other doctor and all of that. And then it was Friday. So at Saturday, I was admitted. And then the next Friday, I was still in the bed and in the hospital.

And then they were waiting that ⁓ labor would induce because it was dilated. So I did, it started, I did start cramping on Friday and then they took me ⁓ for the procedure. ⁓ so the baby was small. So it was a vaginal delivery, but they had to, you know, kind of use their hands because the baby was so small. So it was, they had to use their hands to get it out.

So it was traumatic in that way, you know, like a fist and all of that, it's called, and it was quite traumatic. So I was, I think I was, I was definitely in shock, right? And going through that, my husband was with me in the room. I had a lot of supporting family outside and everything, but I was in shock. And when the baby came out,

Chelsea Myers (22:21)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (22:47)
So we were ready. We had talked to the pediatrician on call, and he was ready with the incubator and all of that to ⁓ put the baby in and see what chance. And they had also told me that if it's close to one or even a little above one, the weight, the one kg, the birth weight, we'd have more chance. But the baby came out 0.8.

Chelsea Myers (23:09)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Cyra Baria (23:15)
He was a boy and he 0.8 and he was blue. So, and that's all I saw. And the doctor was screaming, give the mother to the baby, give them, this is all I remember. And she gave me the baby. They gave me for one second, but then, you know, and a lot of what's going on with me also, they had to make sure that I don't go into shock and all of that. So they were... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (23:21)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (23:42)
It was like a minute or so that I got to hold the baby. And then in that minute there, like the doctor said, I don't think that this will be a good idea to do all the, and even my husband looked at the baby and he was crying and he was like, I don't think this makes sense ⁓ that we put the baby through ⁓ all that. It was blue, the lungs weren't developed. Even the pediatrician came and.

He was like, there's a very, very slim chance. ⁓ it's not even, you know, so they put him in the incubator, but just they didn't do any interventions. They just, you know, they said it's just a matter of time. So he was alive when he was born, but it was just that hour. And like I said, I was in shock. My husband was able to cry, but I wasn't.

Chelsea Myers (24:24)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (24:41)
I was still, I took that decision with just like I'm talking right now, right? But I was in shock. So I couldn't and further, I couldn't cry. couldn't, there were people around me, couldn't, little bit. But then, but another thing was like, another thing that later I learned about the kangaroo care, right?

Chelsea Myers (24:48)
Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (25:07)
And I wish I would have done that. That's another thing that I still to this day wish that I had that knowledge. And no one told me at that time because, you know, they were all panicked too. I guess the doctor was like, I held the baby for one second or one minute, but then they took the baby and put, you know, like, I wish I got to hold the baby for that hour, but they were taking care of me.

Chelsea Myers (25:07)
Yes.

Cyra Baria (25:34)
there was placenta to be removed and all of that because it was, like I said, was a fist delivery and it was difficult. So they had to make sure I don't go into sepsis and shock, right? that was, and then it was just after that one hour by the time I was wheeled to my room and to, know.

Chelsea Myers (25:42)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (26:01)
My family was outside, so they did see the baby in the incubator. you know, but they weren't like, it was just there. So I feel that's another thing I still feel, you know, that the baby was alone. Yeah. Yeah. No. I'm curious, too. Was this at this point, were you living in?

Chelsea Myers (26:16)
Yeah. Yeah. I'm curious too. Was this at this point, were you living in Pakistan

or were you in Canada? So this was in Pakistan. Okay.

Cyra Baria (26:25)
Yes, this was in Pakistan. This was in Pakistan. But at a very,

like a very good hospital and all of that. I'll tell you my experience in Canada also. I have another story for Canada. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (26:32)
Yeah. The only reason I'm curious is just, I'm always curious about maternal healthcare all over the world because it's so different everywhere. Oh yeah, we'll get there. We'll get there for sure. But yeah, things that strike me are that you weren't able to

hold him. I understand they were working on you, but that does it.

Cyra Baria (26:55)
I understand they're not working with you.

It breaks my heart to know that they just gave them to you for a second. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (27:02)
It breaks my heart to know that they just gave them to you for a second. ⁓

And I love too that you acknowledge your partner's experience and that, like you knew.

Cyra Baria (27:09)
and I love too that you acknowledge your partner's experience in that. Like you knew...

Chelsea Myers (27:16)
Like you were witnessing him feeling all the feels ⁓ while you were in shock. So, because it is so important, the partner in that situation often gets kind of forgotten about to a certain degree. Yeah. So the two of you were in an impossible circumstance and it just feels like it was chaos. And like you were saying, like,

Cyra Baria (27:17)
Like you were witnessing him feeling all the feels while you were in shock. because it is so important to partner in that situation often. Yes. Yes. Kind of forgotten about to a certain degree. Yeah. So the two of you were in an and it just feels like it was chaos. Yeah. No, it was.

There were like people in the room. was chaos with the pediatrician and you know, all of that. was a lot of people in that room. And yeah. Well, and it makes perfect sense. And again, we'll get into your there's more to your story. But it makes perfect sense why now in your life, you are so determined about claiming your power and living in your power because you

Chelsea Myers (27:47)
Yeah!

Yeah.

Well, and it makes perfect sense. again, we'll get into your there's more to your story. But it makes perfect sense why now in your life, you are so determined about claiming your power and living in your power, because you

your power was taken from you that day. And I can't imagine, especially ⁓

Cyra Baria (28:15)
your power was taken from you that day. Now. And I can't imagine.

especially with

Chelsea Myers (28:23)
with how challenging the pregnancy was to in that moment just feel completely.

Cyra Baria (28:23)
how challenging the pregnancy was to in that moment just feel completely

Chelsea Myers (28:31)
Not in control. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (28:31)
not in

control. Yeah, yeah. And because the cervix had opened up, what they called it was cervical insufficiency. That's the term, right? And that medical term, I mean, it's a term, but it made me feel like the most insufficient person in the world. Like I caused this, right? I caused this. Yeah, this was my...

Chelsea Myers (28:43)
Yep.

Right? It almost puts the blame. Exactly. It makes you

feel blamed. Yeah, but you did not cause this. You know that. You know that. Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (29:01)
Yes. I know, I know, I know now, I know now. But it was,

was the, I'm trying to convey is that that word was so, and that's why I want women to know, right? I want people to know that this is not, it's just a medical term. It's all these terms, they're just medical terms. They don't define you, you know, they don't. And at that time, sadly, I did not know that. I mean,

Chelsea Myers (29:20)
Yeah.

Mm-mm.

Cyra Baria (29:31)
I did, but I didn't. know, it was too, it was, yeah, like you said. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (29:33)
Yeah. Well, you're processing a lot at that

point. Yeah. So let's walk a little bit more through this. So your family saw your son at the time in the incubator. ⁓ By the time you were wheeled into your postpartum room, was your son still with you or had he already passed?

Cyra Baria (29:42)
But more through this, so your family saw your son at the time in the incubator. By the time you were wheeled into your postpartum room, was your son still with you or had he already passed?

No, he was alive but he was ⁓ in the... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (30:04)
the NICU.

Cyra Baria (30:04)
The NICU and they didn't bring him to me but ⁓ there was everybody around me and I kept asking like my whole family, my friends were there, the room was full, like I had support but I still felt alone but I had a lot of support but you know and then I just remember about 10 minutes into it like they were getting me settled in the bed and all of that.

Chelsea Myers (30:16)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (30:31)
And 10 minutes into it, they opened the door and they're like, know, ⁓ the baby has passed. And it was like an hour. So totally it was an hour since he was born and since he passed away. And I think that hour, like most of the hour was, you know, I was still in that room. They were operating on me and finishing up. And then by the time I got there, it was just.

Chelsea Myers (30:39)
Okay.

Cyra Baria (30:59)
Then they did bring the baby to me, but he had passed by then. So they brought him wrapped up. When he had passed, they brought him wrapped up and put in my arms. But I was too much. Like, I don't think even I was there at that point, you know? Yeah. Like. You kind of have to dissociate. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then.

Chelsea Myers (31:04)
Yeah.

Yeah, you kind of like you kind of have to dissociate a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (31:28)
you know, in our ⁓ culture is like the burial and all of that, right? So it was too, for newborns or for little like, ⁓ I don't know how to call it. Like the baby wasn't born yet, but he was too little, like he was seven, six, six months, right?

Chelsea Myers (31:33)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yup.

Cyra Baria (31:50)
their pregnancy.

So they do it quickly, like, you know, so quickly ⁓ to the funeral and all of that. So they had to, so my family was calling up the priests and all of them to get them to the place and get it done. And, but I wasn't, I was like, want to be there, but no, you know, the culture was to do it fast.

Chelsea Myers (32:12)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (32:17)
And so literally it happened at 4 a.m. in the night. did, my husband went and ⁓ part of my family went, part stayed with me. But it was, yeah, yeah. And that's a cultural thing. That's a cultural thing.

Chelsea Myers (32:30)
At 4 a.m. they had the burial and that's a cultural thing.

Okay.

Cyra Baria (32:41)
That's a cultural thing. There's a whole lot of stuff there that I don't want to get into, but it's there. That's totally fine. The only reason I asked is because to me as an outsider who doesn't understand, like I don't understand culture, it once again removes you from having any control over how to move forward.

Chelsea Myers (32:47)
that's totally fine. That's totally fine. I'm just the only reason I asked too is because it in my to me as an outsider who doesn't understand like I don't understand the culture. It once again removed you from having any control over how this moved forward.

These are the part about this that I always hate is that like I feel like we have to condense so many things where I don't want to but At that point so you've just been through this incredibly traumatic experience you lost your son He's already had his burial How long did you have to stay in the hospital?

Cyra Baria (33:09)
the part about this that I always hate is that I feel like we have to condense so many things where I don't want to. But at that point, so you've just been through this incredibly traumatic experience, you lost your son, he's already had his burial. How long did you have to stay in the So, I think... ⁓

I think four days after that I stayed in the hospital, but the burial was in the night they were having the prayer. So my friends were with me and my family was with me. Some part of it, know, were there. They went to with my husband and some stayed with me. But so we were praying and you know, I like because the prayers were going on there was the whole prayers and all of that. But it just happened like.

Chelsea Myers (33:38)
Okay.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (34:03)
before the rest of the world woke up, right? So yeah. Yeah. So and you've said multiple times, you've had so many.

Chelsea Myers (34:06)
Yes. Yeah. You lived an entire lifetime in a night. so, and you've said multiple times, you, you had so many family and

friends surrounding you, but what I'm growing to understand about experiences like this is that no matter how many people are around you, you feel like the only person in the world.

Cyra Baria (34:19)
But what I'm growing to understand about experiences like this is that no matter how many people are around you, you feel like the only person in the world. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (34:30)
when you had to make the tris transition back home, what was that like for you?

Cyra Baria (34:30)
you had to make the transition back home. Yeah. What was that like for you?

Yeah, that was hard. Yeah, because when I was, there were people visiting me in the hospital and you know, they were getting me physio and all of that too. But when I went home and yeah, my husband stayed home for a week after that too, you know, but even if he went like to the grocery store, I would just start crying. You know, I was alone for like

Chelsea Myers (34:40)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (35:07)
When I was alone in my room, was just, I couldn't, you know, and then I was like, it was more like blame and all of that. I saw a watermelon and I thought that, you know, I carried this watermelon. It wasn't a very heavy watermelon, but maybe that caused it. And, know, you know, things like that and certain, and, you know, sometimes people like, it's okay, you, you are young, you know, you will get another baby soon.

Chelsea Myers (35:25)
Mmm, mhm.

Mmm.

Cyra Baria (35:37)
but that was, those comments were... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (35:41)
Not helpful. just, okay. So as we are recording this listeners, is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. And one of the biggest messages that loss parents besides wanting to keep the memory of their child alive

is you're well-meaning comments as well-meaning as they are.

Cyra Baria (36:06)
is your well-meaning comments, as well-meaning as they

are, just keep them to yourself. It is to hear. It is not helpful to hear.

Chelsea Myers (36:11)
just keep them to yourself. It is not helpful to hear. It is not helpful to hear like,

⁓ everything happens for a reason or, well, at least you know you can get pregnant and you can try again, as I know that they come from a place of love. ⁓ But it just does not hit the way you want it to. No, no. ⁓

Cyra Baria (36:22)
Oh, you know you can get private lessons to try again. I know that they come from a place of love, but it just does not hit the way you want it to. Yeah, yeah, it does not. It does not.

And yeah, and you're already feeling so broken and lost that, you know, I mean, and then it takes away from

existence of that child, that that child existed. Whether it was a pregnancy, whether it was a three month, two month, one month pregnancy, was that child existed. You for the mom, there was hopes and dreams of the future. There was a whole life planned. I still see children who are now 14 years old, were the moms who were pregnant when I was. I still see that and I still think that my son would be.

Chelsea Myers (36:50)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Of course.

Cyra Baria (37:18)
Right? mean, ⁓

Chelsea Myers (37:19)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (37:20)
that life, that grief is not just, and that's another thing I learned with this process was that, you know, it's not just grief about the loss. Grief is, ⁓ you know, for all the hopes and dreams, for all the future that you planned. it's for, it's that, it's that all that love that has nowhere to go, right? Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (37:44)
Yeah, yeah, that's such a beautiful way to explain

it. And yeah, I so appreciate how vulnerable you're being about it because for I always say, like when I say like, I could never imagine, I truly will never say, ⁓ that must have been horrible or ⁓ can assume because I did not experience a pregnancy or child loss.

Cyra Baria (37:48)
and yeah, I so appreciate how vulnerable you're being about it because for, I always say, like when I say like, I could never imagine, I truly will never say, ⁓ that must have been horrible or I can assume, because I did not experience a pregnancy or child loss.

Chelsea Myers (38:11)
But what I can say is thank

Cyra Baria (38:11)
what I can say is, thank you.

Chelsea Myers (38:15)
you for sharing the story of you and your son. And we're going to get into more. But ⁓ so that those of us who have never experienced it can sit with you and can know it's okay to just sit with you and just be there and maybe put that love somewhere else. Put it, put it.

Cyra Baria (38:15)
you for sharing the story of you and your son and we're going to get into more. But so that those of us who have never experienced it can sit with you and can know it's okay to just sit with you and just be there and maybe put that in somewhere else. it

Chelsea Myers (38:38)
out into the world, you know, give it a home. yeah,

Cyra Baria (38:39)
out into the world. Yes. You know, give it a home.

Yes, yeah, I know.

Chelsea Myers (38:46)
so let's, so let's walk a little beyond this. You're obviously grieving and you're you you had your husband for a little while. I'm not gonna ask you, when did it get better? Because it never gets better. When did it start to shift?

Cyra Baria (38:50)
Beyond this, you're obviously grieving and you had your husband.

I'm not gonna ask you when did it get better, because it never gets better. When did it start to shift,

and you started kind maybe, I don't even know how

Chelsea Myers (39:05)
and you started kind maybe, I don't even know how to word this.

What were the things that were helpful during that time?

Cyra Baria (39:15)
the things that were helpful were the people who came to visit who had those experiences and it was a very at that time in my society at least it was a very very not talked about thing you know ⁓ it was very a little bit taboo and you know

Chelsea Myers (39:23)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (39:35)
Though people tried, but they didn't know how to talk about it. But the people who had experienced it, some women came forward and privately shared that they had experienced it too. Like years ago, their kids were grown up now, but they had experienced it and how hard it was for them. That helped my friends who had gone through losses, not... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (39:57)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (40:03)
not pregnancy loss, but losses in general. Those were the ones who knew about grief and how to handle it and be there for. So those were the things that helped. And even like that first week, was like your body is still thinking you've delivered a baby, right? So there was milk coming out and I did not know what to do.

Chelsea Myers (40:09)
Mm-hmm.

Right?

Cyra Baria (40:30)
And those are the women who were moms, me their ⁓ pump, whose babies had grown up. they gave me if they had a spare pump and what to do and that this will happen and it's okay. And those were the things that helped. That female support, that who knew? Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (40:36)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and being able to write,

Cyra Baria (40:58)
Yes, feeling seen. Yes, yes,

Chelsea Myers (40:58)
feeling seen from someone else who understood. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (41:03)
yes. Those were the things that were helpful. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (41:06)
that were helpful.

So when did you decide that you wanted to try again?

Cyra Baria (41:16)
So I decided to go to change the doctor. was just... So I went to the doctor who I reached out to ⁓ in that process. And she said, take your time, know, your body needs healing right now. So, but she said, we'll get all the tests done. So she was, you know, she started me on all these tests after a little while.

Chelsea Myers (41:21)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (41:44)
This was like, so first this around August, this was in April and around August when the actual due date was my feelings became worse, right? I mean, that was, that was, I think when I actually started grieving and crying, like, but I had, but I couldn't express it before that. You know, it was, it took me.

Chelsea Myers (41:57)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Cyra Baria (42:10)
that the hit comes much later for me. So the hit came then. And then I don't know, I think a few months after that, maybe I started seeing a therapist. But that was also very in around that August time, I started seeing a therapist, but it wasn't a very common thing to go to therapy over there. So this was just a talk therapist and my friend had recommended him and I was like,

Chelsea Myers (42:14)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (42:40)
I'll go quietly, you My husband was supportive, of course, because he knew that what I was going through and he could see my anger and my rage and all of that. I just didn't even know where, how it was, you know, where it was coming from. Yeah, where to put it. And, and, you know, I couldn't explain it. and he was like, you know, this is not...

Chelsea Myers (42:55)
like where to put it and yeah.

Cyra Baria (43:05)
you need support, know, and if talking will help. So he was supportive, but, you know, in general, people like, couldn't tell anyone that I'm going to, even my family, that I'm going to therapy, right? Because it was like, why, why do you need that? You know? So, not, it's just generally, it wasn't a thing at that time, you know? And people didn't know.

Chelsea Myers (43:22)
Yeah.

Right, kind of like a cultural

Cyra Baria (43:32)
Yes, cultural taboo. Now it's become

Chelsea Myers (43:32)
taboo, another one of those. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (43:35)
a little more accepted, but yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so, and I remember ⁓ taking these ⁓ walks because, I would feel better in the morning if I just go for a walk. But I was still like, I wish I had something to do for myself, you know, even between these, these talk therapy sessions. But ⁓

Chelsea Myers (43:38)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (44:01)
And that therapist really helped me and he was like, you know, ⁓ he saw that I was taking the blame for it. You know, it was like, I have done something wrong and this is my karma. You know, I was, I was taking the blame for it. And he pointed that out to me. He's like, this is what you're doing. And, know, it's that punishment feeling, you know, somebody's punishing me for this or, you know,

Chelsea Myers (44:14)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (44:29)
And he pointed that out to me and I wasn't medic, like I wasn't taking any medications at that time. And he was, ⁓ he was just a talk therapist. He wasn't the one that would give me medications. So, and again, I felt like, you know, I would be, I was really bad if I took medications, you know, for this, right? I, yeah, that shame that, you know,

Chelsea Myers (44:42)
Right.

Yeah, that shame.

Cyra Baria (44:57)
So what happened was then I tried, then I did the walks and a little bit of that therapy, but I was still looking for something to take my power back. The power was still gone. ⁓ And with trying to get pregnant again, after she did all my tests, I had PCOS. And I had PCOS before too, but all this had aggravated it.

Chelsea Myers (45:07)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (45:23)
and I had put on a lot of weight and I was just not able to get pregnant again. And so they did a whole intensive, all those tests. But so one of the ultrasounds was really like invasive and I would say torture, but it was like a thorough scan of my reproductive system from inside, but it was painful.

Chelsea Myers (45:40)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (45:48)
Like it

was painful and traumatic. And after what I had been through the year before, that was like one of the worst, second worst days of my life again. Just that, just that test. But then after that test, that doctor was really ⁓ good. Like she was an old school doctor and she was really, so she's like, I have this technique that I can, you know, do a laser on these PCOs.

Chelsea Myers (45:58)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (46:17)
PCOS and I can remove those cysts and you will have a better chance of getting pregnant. So she did that procedure and then you know it was like that trial like you have to try more consistently consistently so it was but if IVF was a

Chelsea Myers (46:33)
⁓ yes, yep.

Cyra Baria (46:39)
later option, but this was like, if this works, then you you have to after this procedure, but it was more like, you know, it was like where it was not natural. Yes, a schedule. It was not like the first time it just happened. Right. But this was like, it took me it was a yeah, it took me a while.

Chelsea Myers (46:49)
You were on like a schedule. Yes.

Cyra Baria (47:01)
After that procedure, was fast, but still it was like I had to be on that schedule and do all those things and then it happened. And it was regimented. was like, yeah, not, but then I was like, you know, ⁓ it was like a mission. was on a mission because I was feeling.

Chelsea Myers (47:12)
So was regimented. It's... yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (47:25)
I was already feeling like a failure with the first one, right? And then I was I went on that thing and then the doctor was like, when I got pregnant, ⁓ she was like, I want you on bed rest for the whole pregnancy. She's like, yeah, she's like, I don't want to take a chance with this with everything that has happened. I want you on bed rest. And I was working at that time.

Chelsea Myers (47:42)
wow.

Cyra Baria (47:50)
I started a lighter job as a school doctor at that time before just to get my mind off things, you know, when I was trying and all of that. But then I had to leave that job because, you know, it was, I had to climb steps and, know, she said, I just, let's just, if you can just give me a whole bed rest pregnancy. So let's not take any chances, you know, because I was already high risk and all of that. So.

Chelsea Myers (48:14)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (48:19)
I stayed at home for the whole pregnancy. And it was my brother's wedding, my cousin's wedding, all during that time. I did attend them, but I had a room that I could stay in for a little while then come. I was taken care of, but I couldn't run around and do a lot of stuff.

Chelsea Myers (48:29)
Okay.

you were taken care of.

Cyra Baria (48:44)
And then again, those thoughts and those, you know, that pressure that this has to go right. And, you know, because I, you know, I can't let what happened last time, you know, but it was at the same time still, you know, not letting it overshadow this pregnancy and allowing this pregnancy to be, this kid to be, yes.

Chelsea Myers (48:51)
Yeah.

just to be in it.

Cyra Baria (49:08)
But it was also like, know, when a child is in your belly, it's like they're listening, they're feeling your anxiety, they're feeling your tensions and all of that. So I had to, ⁓ you know, I was like, I don't want this affecting my child. So. Yeah, but I didn't know how that time I still did not know how, you know, but I, tried with music and other things and even, you know,

Chelsea Myers (49:24)
Yeah, you were like, okay, I need to regulate my nervous system 24 seven. Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (49:37)
I did not have EFT at that time. I wish I did, but I did not. ⁓ And then again, ⁓ so my baby was born. I had a few problems in that pregnancy. I had restless leg syndrome a lot.

Chelsea Myers (49:41)
Yeah.

Yeah.

yes, that I can relate to. And that is a torture all on its own. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (50:00)
That is a sorcerer all on its own.

I still had a hyperemesis gravidarum, but they put me on these strict medications, which really helped me. And they gave me progesterone throughout. ⁓ the 24th week mark, they gave me the suppositories to take throughout. ⁓ I was like, you know, because of all that, I think it stayed.

Chelsea Myers (50:19)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (50:28)
well and it and that pregnancy was it was just ⁓ it was an emergency c-section because the day i was going to plan the c-section is the day my daughter decided to you know kick ⁓

Chelsea Myers (50:29)
Yeah.

like, nope, I'm gonna derail these plans. Yeah. ⁓ my gosh. ⁓

well, okay. So you went in for you had an emergency C-section. ⁓ my gosh. What was the moment like for you when she was born? And you could see she was pink. You were out. You were asleep.

Cyra Baria (50:54)
Yeah.

I was out. was...

They had a GA over So I was out. But before when I was in the C section, was a little bit... Like before they put me out, it was a little bit because it was emergency. They weren't sure if the anesthetic would get there on time. And they were like... I was a little bit panicking, but I was just trying to, you know... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (51:15)
When did you get to meet her?

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (51:32)
pray and you know just calm myself and I was out then and then when I woke up and you know they were like you have a girl because I'd kept it a surprise so it was it was relief it was a lot of relief and it was it was like you know I was very very happy and relieved that it went okay and my baby but there was a little bit

Chelsea Myers (51:44)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (51:58)
of the foot was stuck or something, her foot was stuck in a position. So there would be a little bit weakness in one of her feet. That's what they told us. So there was a little scare there. That's what it was okay after like a year of physio with her. like that was a scare the moment she was born. then after a few hours, the doctor came and told us.

Chelsea Myers (52:07)
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Cyra Baria (52:24)
that the foot was stuck in a weird position. So there might be some issues, but they kept her in the incubator, you know, just overnight just to see, but she did well. then, you know, all of that. I was determined to breastfeed. you know, I was like, yes, I'm doing this again. I was back in charge and it was, it was.

Chelsea Myers (52:31)
Yeah.

Yeah!

Cyra Baria (52:54)
Good, but when I got home with her, think in a few, that week and a few weeks, the depression started hitting me. It started, you know. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (53:08)
Yeah, I was gonna ask about that. Did it sort of

catch you off guard to an extent?

Cyra Baria (53:15)
Yes, a little bit in the sense that I should be happy, you know, this has happened, I should be happy, but I was just so scared and I was just doing, sure, she was colic she was screaming, I couldn't handle it and I thought I would harm her in some way. And then the intrusive thoughts, know, ⁓ those started coming up, especially, it's like when I was home in the night, if my husband was working late and, you know, I would be alone, I was just scared.

Chelsea Myers (53:18)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (53:45)
I was just scared all the time. you know, I don't know if it was even the breastfeeding and all the hormones and all of that. And I did, I breastfed her for two years because, you know, I was so determined that. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (54:01)
You were determined. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ so a theme that keeps coming up and that I want to highlight,

is that those expectations that you had of yourself and on yourself, not only in your first experience, like you said, you were constantly looking for like, what did I do wrong? What did my body do wrong? And then even with your daughter,

Cyra Baria (54:12)
is that those expectations that you've had of yourself and on yourself, not only in your first experience, but just that you were constantly looking for like, what did I do wrong? What did my body do wrong? And then even with your daughter,

Chelsea Myers (54:28)
It's like, I should feel happy. I shouldn't be feeling this way. And that's so common. It doesn't mean that

Cyra Baria (54:28)
like, I should feel happy. I shouldn't feeling this way. And that's so common. It doesn't mean...

Chelsea Myers (54:39)
you deserve to feel that way and that those thoughts are right, because they're not right. it is so common. Were you the one that was able to realize?

Cyra Baria (54:39)
that you deserve to feel that way and that those thoughts are right because they're not it is so common. Were you the one that was able to realize

Chelsea Myers (54:52)
that something was going on that you were having these depression, depressive thoughts, ⁓ and that you needed support or did someone else catch

Cyra Baria (54:52)
that something was going on, that you were having these depressive thoughts ⁓ and that you needed support? Or did someone else?

Chelsea Myers (55:01)
that?

Cyra Baria (55:02)
It was kind of both. did know it. I knew it. I knew I was having, I just didn't know they were intrusive thoughts. I just thought that I am, you know, having these thoughts that I can't even talk about. can't even tell my husband what these thoughts are. ⁓ You know, I cannot. And I just didn't know. There was not so much mental health awareness then as there is now. And...

Chelsea Myers (55:06)
Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Cyra Baria (55:31)
But he did know that there was something off and he did again, you know, push me that the original therapist that I had, had ⁓ gone to the US or something for further studies and I wasn't with, you know, connected to him anymore. So and then, you know, I was doing diet exercise to get myself back.

Chelsea Myers (55:51)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (55:58)
Again, after that pregnancy, I'm not sure of the timeline, but after my baby was born, my daughter was born, it was, I couldn't get up from bed one day. I woke up in the morning and I couldn't move. I just couldn't, I was frozen. Like my legs were like my back, it was paining and I just couldn't turn. I couldn't get up from the bed. So there was some, there was like sciatica.

Chelsea Myers (56:12)
wow.

Yeah, some sort of nerve damage. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (56:28)
And all that, yes. And they had also given

me the epidural and stuff. so it was, I think some of that had caused it or all the, even from the previous pregnancy, the delivery, the vaginal delivery, which was, and all of that had caused some movement in my back.

Chelsea Myers (56:47)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (56:53)
like the sciatica and it was, I wasn't, so I got therapy for that. got physiotherapy for that. They said, if this doesn't work, you might need to, and I put on a lot of weight. was eating, I was, know, ⁓ so yeah, yeah, I was coping. I was coping, yeah, yeah. So that had caused all of this and then I did the physiotherapy, but.

Chelsea Myers (56:54)
Mm-hmm.

Well, you were, you were coping the only way that you knew how. Yeah. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (57:20)
I didn't need to get surgery done, which was good because I reversed it. Then I did diet and exercise and walks and I reversed it. But even on those walks, I remember thinking, I wish I still, I don't know how to control my mind. can control my body. can ⁓ walk, I can eat right. But what about all this that's going on in my mind? I don't know how to, you know.

take charge of it, how to, I didn't know about nervous system safety at that time. I did not know that even as a doctor, did not know about that. Yeah. Yeah. I it's the thing, it's real, but I feel like if more MDs were trained in... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (57:54)
Yeah.

Well, yeah, and I think that's a deficit for a lot of medical professionals, right? Like that tie between mental health and physical health is, I mean, it's a thing, it's real. But I feel like if more MDs were trained in some

Cyra Baria (58:19)
some sort of mental health or trauma informed Yes, yes, yes. Trauma informed care there. Yeah,

Chelsea Myers (58:19)
sort of mental health or trauma informed care, it could make all the difference in the world. Yes.

Cyra Baria (58:27)
that's it. And that is why I'm so passionate about EFT. And I'll tell you how I found it. That's my third pregnancy. I

Chelsea Myers (58:34)
know, let's so so I know.

so you have your daughter. I'm curious, when did the move to Canada happen? Was that more recently or?

Cyra Baria (58:38)
You have your daughter. I'm curious, when did the move to Canada happen? Was that more recently? No,

that was when my daughter was three and a half years old. When she was two, I decided so that the depression was at its worst when she was two.

Chelsea Myers (58:49)
Okay.

Cyra Baria (58:59)
went to another therapist who explained to me that if you take, if a diabetic needs to take insulin, right, you need to take medication. Again, I went all without telling anyone, just my husband knew that I was going to therapy and ⁓ I took those medications and I felt better and I, know, the diet exercise, all of that, I got myself back.

Chelsea Myers (59:06)
Exactly! That's exactly what I was told! Yes! Yes!

Cyra Baria (59:29)
And I was in good shape. We were ready to move. When she was three and a half, we were ready to move. And I just found out that I'm pregnant. Again, surprise. Surprise. And again, we were taking, like I had even taken like those emergency contraceptive pills because I did not want a pregnancy in the middle of a move, right? And I was not planning for it.

Chelsea Myers (59:42)
Surprise!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (59:57)
But because I was on those antidepressants, it kind of clashed, I think. I'm happy for that. It all worked out well. But yeah, so I was pregnant and then I did not know and I was in a panic that how am I going to do all this over there? Because if we were, the house was sold, everything was packed and then...

Chelsea Myers (1:00:01)
Yeah. my goodness.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:00:24)
So I went to my doctor, she wrote a note for me. She wrote everything, my history and all to give to the doctors in Canada and my sister-in-law was here. So she arranged for the doctors here, for who I will go to and everything. And I had to get my circlage done here because it's done at a certain time. So when I got here, I did the circlage.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:44)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:00:51)
but they said you don't need bed rest again. So ⁓ I was like, okay. And now I couldn't even afford bed rest because my husband was looking for a job. ⁓ My daughter was three and a half, so she wasn't in school yet. So I had to be with her. And yeah, I was starting a whole new life, even the process of finding a house and all of that. So... ⁓

Chelsea Myers (1:00:54)
Mmm.

Mm-hmm. You are starting a whole new life.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:01:18)
I didn't, couldn't do bed rest, what happened with the cerclage was that it kept, I kept being called back in every week for an ultrasound. And they said, we don't see the stitches. We don't see the stitches. And then, and then one time they were like, okay, this doesn't look good. So we're going to admit to you. And then I was, I was looking around for day cares for my daughter just in case, but you know, we were new. didn't want you to go that route. ⁓ I wanted her with me, but

Chelsea Myers (1:01:44)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (1:01:46)
because they said, admit to the hospital and we were still living with my, not at that time before we were finding a house, right? So I had to call up that daycare that I had just glanced at and I asked her, I please have my daughter with you because I'm being admitted and my husband, he had just started a new job.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:02)
Yeah

Cyra Baria (1:02:13)
I'll need her. Yeah, I was out of options. So they just took her in. It was really nice of them and they took her in and I was in the hospital. then, you know, dealing with that, like they would call me and say, she's crying and she's missing her mom. And I was in the hospital and my husband was at work. So that pregnancy, I was alone, right? Like in the hospital because ⁓ most of my family was back.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:12)
You were kind of out of options.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:02:39)
home, right? And yes, I did have support here too, but it was different, right? And it's a new place. It's a new country. So all of that. But they did admit me and they took me to another ⁓ hospital, higher care hospital. So ⁓ they moved me in the ambulance and then they decided that the stitches are not there. So they do need to do it again. So they did do it again.

And then again, he was saying that you're okay. I said, okay, now I'm, whatever they say, I'm going to stay on bed rest. I'm going to keep it. I know my body. I know, you know, what's going on. So I kind of took charge in that one. And they said, do you want to stay with us or do you want to go back to that doctor who, you know, originally did your stitches and all, but this, because this was like a,

Chelsea Myers (1:03:16)
Yeah, like whatever. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:03:39)
a more for higher risk. But I said, no, I want to stay here. You know my history and I want to stay with you guys. I stayed with them. And this was at Sunnybrook. so I went home like after those two weeks, two weeks they kept me in the hospital. I went home, but then I kept it low profile. I didn't I knew what I could do.

Chelsea Myers (1:03:43)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:04:03)
I said, if I keep it as like my daughter's pregnancy, I will be fine because I knew that that had worked, right? So I did that and, you know, with the daycare, my daughter was in daycare, everyone, like, you know, my in-laws and my husband, they were helping, you know, with dropping and picking her up. ⁓ But it was, this pregnancy then, you know, turned out the way it turned out good at the end. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (1:04:09)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:04:33)
But then again, I fought for it and I was like, yeah, I was like, took my power back. And even when I was admitted for the C-section, I said, I know that, you I was not on medication and I stopped my antidepressants before this birth. And ⁓ I said, I need some.

Chelsea Myers (1:04:36)
Right, you took your power back.

Cyra Baria (1:04:56)
I need antidepressants or I need some kind of care. So even I was telling the doctor in the emergency over there that, you know, this has happened to me before and I know it gets worse after the baby's born. So please, you know, and then I kept fighting. went like fighting for myself, not fighting, know, getting, making sure I get the right, one of the doctors told me the psychiatrist or.

Chelsea Myers (1:05:14)
Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:05:24)
that you don't have anything, it's okay, it's in your head. It's just, ⁓ so read a book or one of them told me read a book and this book and you'll be fine. And I was like, ⁓ you know? But then I said, okay, this is not for me. Then I found another doctor. I kept moving till I found the right person. And then when I found the right doctor, she was doing not only

Chelsea Myers (1:05:28)
Mmm.

my gosh.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:05:53)
therapy, she was doing energy medicine and she was doing nervous system safety and EFT tapping. And that's how, when I found that, you know, I was like, ⁓ my own fingers. I have something I could just, I have to, and I have them. I don't need to go out searching for them. Right. And she taught me different techniques and tips and tricks. And, know, because

Chelsea Myers (1:05:57)
Mm-hmm.

I have tools! Yes! ⁓

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:06:23)
my because of my medical background and because I have this affinity for this psychological stuff and all of that. was like, you know, I was so interested in it. I was like, OK, and it worked and it worked and I understood it. And then I was like, OK, I can do this. you know, I was able to with the EFT tapping, I was able to get off my medication over two years after.

Chelsea Myers (1:06:38)
Yeah!

Cyra Baria (1:06:53)
my third pregnancy, I was able to get off, but slowly, slowly I did the work. I did all the internal processing with, mean, EFT is something you can use in session and you go through the deep stuff also, and then you can use it outside also. And then there were other tools like recognizing what's coming up for you, noticing what's going on in your body, taking that breath.

Chelsea Myers (1:07:08)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (1:07:21)
feeling that compassion for yourself, that love and acceptance, all of that. And then when I got off my medication and I was feeling better, when my son was almost three and a half and he started going to school because he's like a December baby, so he goes early to school. So. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (1:07:25)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:07:47)
I was like, okay, I can do this. And I spoke to my doctor and she was like, you know, I know someone who teaches this and I think you would be good, you know, for it. I was like, because I wanted to do something. I didn't want to go back to the medical profession. I wanted to, you know, I wanted to again, take charge of my life, do something. So my son was going to school. I was like, you know, I'll have more time to myself.

So then I found this course and it was an intensive, it was trauma safe, all the things that they taught. And I learned a lot more that I didn't even know, even when going through therapy, I didn't know, but in the actual course and you know, because it was a 10 to 12 month intensive and it has these continuous mentoring and all of that. And...

I learned a lot about EFT. There's an international organization. And the one I did was Canadian, but it was a double certification. So I got certified with the Canadian and the international organization. But it was good for me because I understood it. It was scientific. It gave me like, you know,

Chelsea Myers (1:08:58)
wow.

Cyra Baria (1:09:08)
⁓ it has a lot of research. EFT has a lot of research done on it to FMR, our MRIs and all of that, which prove that it helps in cases of PTSD, which is kind of what happened to me, right? Like it did help me through it. It did help me through it. So, ⁓ and it's a combination of like, talk and, ⁓ body. So you're talking through it.

Chelsea Myers (1:09:22)
Yeah, absolutely.

Cyra Baria (1:09:37)
you're using the CBT techniques but you're also using the tapping the acupressure points which is you know based in Chinese meridians all of that. ⁓ So the combination is so what happens is that can I explain it to you in okay

Chelsea Myers (1:09:44)
Yes.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And I was going to ask you too. I was going to ask you, what is the difference between EFT and

Cyra Baria (1:10:07)
and EMDR?

Chelsea Myers (1:10:07)
EMDR?

Cyra Baria (1:10:08)
Not a lot, but the technique is a little bit different, but kind of similar. Talk to me. Similar. Yeah, very similar, but it's it's done differently. ⁓ And I don't know a lot about EMDR, so I'm not going to speak on that. for EFT, but I know basics. OK, so if you think of this as the hand model of the brain,

Chelsea Myers (1:10:14)
Okay. Yeah. Talk to me. Talk to me about EFT. Yeah.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (1:10:37)
So

this is your amygdala, your fight and flight center, the first part of the brain, the most primitive part of the brain that evolved, like when we were cavemen, if you think of it like that. And this is your frontal cortex, your thinking part of the brain. It is a more recent in the evolutionary biology to evolve. So this is your fight and flight, the first thing that keeps you safe. It makes you like, ⁓

In the olden times, there were bears, right? So this went off, the alarm went off and run, fight, flight, freeze. Now there's another one, fight, flight, freeze and fawn. So, right? So what happens is, and your brain is continuously scanning your environment for threats, anything that seems similar to what has happened before, everything, like a bear, right? And nowadays, everything is a bear.

Chelsea Myers (1:11:11)
Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (1:11:34)
Right? Because there's so many things, so many things happening.

Chelsea Myers (1:11:34)
Everything's the bear. ⁓ my gosh. Yes!

Cyra Baria (1:11:39)
So when your window, those bears show up, what happens is that this goes off and it's ringing fire alarm and this thinking part of your brain goes offline. So what happens is when you're tapping on these points, these acupressure points and they're going directly to

that part of your brain, they're going directly here to the amygdala to calm it down, tell it that it's safe right now, there's no actual bear right now. Okay? And then when this calms down, then this can come back online, and then you're able to think more clearly, you're able to think from your frontal cortex, you know.

Chelsea Myers (1:12:10)
Mm-hmm.

Cyra Baria (1:12:21)
Because when the frontal cortex is offline, you cannot think. It's just the primitive fight, flight, freeze. That's what happened. It keeps us safe. It's what happened in my story. It kept me safe. When my power was taken away, yeah. And those were my coping mechanisms and how I just kept.

Chelsea Myers (1:12:28)
Right.

all the trauma. Yeah.

Cyra Baria (1:12:46)
I couldn't cry in that room. Everyone around me was crying, but I couldn't cry. I was just frozen, right? And then a few months later when something triggered me, would just go, you know.

Chelsea Myers (1:13:03)
Yeah, the alarm bell would go off.

Cyra Baria (1:13:04)
Yeah, the alarm

bell would go off and it was just, it was not even the same trigger. It's just somebody, you know, a similar smell or a similar sound or a word being said that, you know, or even a TV show showing something can be triggered. From anywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (1:13:09)
Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Your triggers can come from anywhere too and can catch you completely off guard. So

these tapping exercises and the acupressure exercises speak to that part of your brain that tell you, okay, the bear is not here.

Cyra Baria (1:13:34)
to that part of your brain. Yeah. It's tell you, okay, the bear is not Yeah,

the bear is not here. It's not attacking you right now. This was a bear in the past, right? It is, it's something that happened and you're being triggered, but there is no bear right now. So one of the ways we do this is external orientation, in which, you we look at one thing and we'll say, I see this pink bottle in front of me right now.

And I'm sitting on my chair. I can feel my feet on the ground right here right now. I'm safe. There is no bear. You know, that is the immediate like safety ⁓ first aid, the emotional first aid. Yes. Yes.

Chelsea Myers (1:14:11)
Yeah.

It's bringing you into the present. Yeah. Yeah.

I love that description.

So I said it earlier, but this overarching theme has been the power that was sort of taken from you in these pivotal moments in your life. What I do want to point out and what I do notice or what I did notice from listening to your story is that even when you felt completely out of control or at your lowest, you still fought.

Cyra Baria (1:14:37)
What I do want to point out and what I do notice, or what I did notice from listening to your story is that even when you felt completely out of control or at your lowest, you still fought

for that power. You fought for yourself. You fought for your voice. You for your kids.

Chelsea Myers (1:14:51)
for that power, you fought for yourself, you fought for your voice, you fought for your kids. ⁓

And that's incredible. ⁓ And I think a lot of moms and parents don't give themselves enough credit for like, yeah, you feel like everything you're doing is wrong, but you're still getting up, you're still feeding your child, you're still feeding yourself, and that's enough. And then you got to a point,

Cyra Baria (1:14:59)
And I think a lot of moms and parents don't give themselves enough credit. You feel like everything you're doing is wrong. But you're still getting up. You're still feeding your child. You're still feeding yourself. And that's enough. And then you got to a point

where you got to reclaim that power. And now you're helping other people reclaim their power.

Chelsea Myers (1:15:19)
where you got to reclaim that power. And now you're helping other people reclaim their power

as well, which is amazing. You know, I'm not a fan of silver linings, but I do so admire what you are doing with what you learned.

Cyra Baria (1:15:28)
which is amazing. I, you know, I'm not a fan of silver linings, but I do so admire what you are doing with what you learned.

you. For my listeners that would like to learn more about EFT, about you, where's the best place for them to look?

Chelsea Myers (1:15:41)
For my listeners that would like to learn more about EFT, about you, where's the best place for them to look?

Cyra Baria (1:15:51)
So I have Instagram. I'm most active on Instagram, which is through my name. I have a lot of platforms, but Instagram I'm most comfortable with. CryaBaria that's my name. And you'll find me through that. My business is CryaBaria Nurturing Transformation. And that's the name of my business. And that's how I got it, because it's a process of nurturing. It's a process of.

Chelsea Myers (1:15:56)
Same.

Cyra Baria (1:16:20)
nurturing yourself and going through it. It's not an immediate, ⁓ it's a process and ⁓ it's transformation, right? At the end of it, is transformation. So, Cyra Baria Nurturing Transformation, that's the name, but you'll find me through my name and my website is www.cyrabaria.com. So, thank you.

Chelsea Myers (1:16:26)
Yet it's a process.

Okay, that'll all be linked in the show notes.

So check the show notes. And I just, I want to thank you so, so, so much. The things that you shared were not easy. They weren't easy to share that you were vulnerable, but you also, just like you said, through EFT, you stepped into your power. And I really, really appreciated being able to witness that.

Cyra Baria (1:16:49)
Thank you.

And I just, I wanna thank you so, so, so much. The things that you've shared.

easy to share that you were vulnerable but you also, just like you said, through EFT, you stepped into your power and I really, really appreciated being able to witness

that. Thank you so much. you with me this morning. And thank you for holding space for me. It meant a lot and thank you. It was beautiful the way you asked the questions and you got me through it. Thank you. I'm really glad. I'm so glad.

Chelsea Myers (1:17:14)
So thank you for sharing space with me this morning.

I'm so glad this

is a safe space for anyone and every story.

Cyra Baria (1:17:31)
This is a safe space. It is. It is. And that's what I want

for people, right? I want people to have safe spaces and to be the safe space for people. And that's why I appreciate what you are doing as well. And, you know, holding that space, especially for women going through postpartum and any, you know, pregnancy journey or anything where they need to hold space, where they need someone to hold space for them in that free, non-judgmental.

space is is yeah and you're not we need more of them yeah we need more of them and and yeah we can support each other and you know yes yes yes yes yes yes

Chelsea Myers (1:18:01)
Yeah, we need more of them.

Yes, that's what we need to do. We need to build a massive village.