Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
#32 - Why Your All Or Nothing Mindset Is Leaving You With Nothing
This episode centres around embracing imperfection, particularly in motherhood and personal routines. We share insights on shifting from an all-or-nothing mindset to a more flexible approach to life, focusing on the importance of self-care and connection.
• Exploring the roots of perfectionism in our upbringing
• Stressing practical tips for managing realistic morning routines
• Highlighting resilience and adaptability in motherhood
• Addressing the importance of family connection
• Advocation for personalized habits and realistic goals
• Encouragement to celebrate small victories and progress
If you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it, please leave a review or drop into our DMs. We would love to hear from you.
Reach out to us on Instagram!
Steph is here and Lurinda is here.
FREE resources:
Chaos to calm masterclass
Shadow Work Prompts
Book a call with Lurinda
Book a call with Steph
Join Lurinda's Retreat Watilist for 2025
Want to come on the show?
If you have an amazing story, or a unique perspective on a topic and are willing to be Unhinged & Unfiltered AF, we'd love to hear from you.
Expression of interest
Welcome to Unhinged and Unfiltered. Who Gave them?
Speaker 2:a Mic. We're your hosts.
Speaker 3:Steph and Lorinda Warning getting triggered is not only accepted, but encouraged here. This podcast will dive deep into conversations that make you really think about life. No top level.
Speaker 2:BS here, where real women get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Speaker 3:Tune in for unfiltered conversations, practical tips and tools that actually work and are easily applied, and a whole lot of laughs as we navigate the ups and downs of being a woman together. Welcome back to another episode of Unhinged and Unfiltered. Today we wanted to talk about the all or nothing mindset, because this is one I feel like we were raised with it to a degree where it's like, if you can't do something properly, don't do it at all. We were all raised as perfectionists where it's like you know, yeah, you got an A in, why didn't you get an A plus? Like all of that sort of stuff where it's if you're not the best of the best, you suck, and so now we've obviously taken this mindset into adulthood and especially motherhood and business hood. It's just, it's just not practical. And the reason we wanted to talk about this was because I was listening to a podcast by Mel Robbins last week and she was talking about like the six things that you should put into your morning routine that are backed by science, that are going to set you up for a great day. Now I was all on board.
Speaker 3:I think the first two were you know, get up. As soon as you wake up, like, don't look at your phone straight away, go brush your teeth and high five yourself in the mirror, cause apparently that's a thing she talks about it more. But then the fourth thing was go outside and get sunlight. And this one stalled me because my kids wake up at the butt cracker door, like it's very rare if there is not somebody awake at 5 30 in my house. And going back to the first one, which is you need to get out of bed as soon as you wake up, I was like, well, okay, cool, I can do that. But then you know, getting outside and getting sunshine, well, that's going to be another hour or so, depending on the time of year it is which there's a bit. There's about a half an hour fluctuation in Darwin between when the sun comes up and goes down, not like, not like everywhere else. But then the fifth one, I think oh, there was one about coffee as well, like don't drink caffeine until at least an hour after you've woken up. And then the. The last one was go for a walk, so spend like 10 minutes walking, and that one foiled me as well, because I could definitely go walking around, because the thing was, is that like? It has to be outside, because it gives you like the change in perception and a different environment and all of the things. I'm like I love it. I think it's phenomenal and great.
Speaker 3:But I was like I can't necessarily do that when my three-year-old is standing at the door screaming at me, being like mommy, I want my food now. Mommy, I want pink milk. Mommy, I want this. Mommy, I want that. Like she's not at an age where she'll wait for 10 minutes for that. It's like I need it immediately and if I don't get it for her immediately, she's going to go get it herself. And that my friends listen, we try to encourage independence, but not in my kitchen. Yeah, it's just going to make a giant mess for me to clean up.
Speaker 3:So then I was like, oh well, previously I would have been like this routine just won't work for me and I can't do it Nowadays. And I did have that thought briefly where I was like could I make this work? And I just, I mean, I I could go outside. Still, there just would be no sunshine and I could go for the walk, but I couldn't do it outside, it would have to be on my walking pad inside and I'm like does that defeat the purpose? But then it's like it is better to do it, maybe 80% of what the researchers said, because it's all science-backed and I believe it, because it's. It's all good shit for you for sure, but it's better to do it 70, 80, fuck, even 30 percent. It's better to do it than going oh well, that's not going to work for me because I can't do it 100 perfectly, so I'm just not going to do it yeah, and we were talking about this because it's something that we see in regards to our nervous system.
Speaker 1:So, like, nervous system regulation has had a huge hype. There's coaches out there who call themselves nervous system regulator, whatever's, and it talks about. A healthy nervous system is not one that is regulated all of the time. A healthy nervous system is one that is resilient, so it bounces back. So if you go into a dysregulated state, that's actually okay because our body needs to go into that state for whatever reason it's been triggered. But it's the ability to bounce back and I think motherhood essentially is is a bounce back. It's like we get like both. Both of us have children home. Today it's Monday, we've just started the school year and we've planned our week and we have one child home and it's kind of like cool.
Speaker 1:Normally I would just go well, there's my fucking day, can't do anything about it, but I have the ability to bounce back and I'm like cool, I'm not gonna be able to do a hundred percent like he wasn't here, but I can do 70, I can do 70. So instead of wasting the entire day and being like, well, he's home, may as well just like have the day off. I'm like okay, well, what can I do? And I think it's like the morning routine is something that we hear a lot, because it does set up your day. I noticed the days that I have a morning routine versus the days that I just go fuck it, and there's a huge difference but, and Steph and I were go fuck it, and there's a huge difference but and Steph and I were talking about it and I'm the exact same. So, like we have a gym, because I used to have a home gym business and it's outside and if I was to get up before, logan was to get up and go outside.
Speaker 1:And then Matt also wants to train in the morning because he works full-time means that he'd be left alone inside and that's just not something that he feels good about and so something that we feel good about. So it's like well, how am I going to alleviate this problem? And for ages we've just like okay, well, can't do anything about it. So then one of us misses out or we're just both like oh, whatever, we'll, just we'll deal with it. Where last week we got a walking pad because we're like well, both of us need to train, so one of us will go on the walking path in the morning and the other person will go to the gym, but then it kills the problem of getting the sunshine first thing in the morning Because you're like well, I need to be in my house because if my child wakes up and we've done this before where we've tried to gym in the morning and he wakes up and he's in a panic and then he's wrecked because he's not able to bounce back as quickly as we can in our nervous system, so for a long time it was that all of nothing and I actually, when you were talking about it, I got a little triggered because I was just like, oh, makes sense, why so many women mask with ADHD?
Speaker 1:Right, because we get that hyper focus and we get really fucking good at something, because we make it our entire personality, and then if we're not good at something we're like, well, there's no point yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a weird way to get diagnosed um yeah, and it is so true yeah for sure, and it's, it's, it's a.
Speaker 3:Really. It makes sense why so many mums feel like they're failing as well, because I remember I went into motherhood like this. I went into motherhood like if I can't start and finish something at the same time, then what's the point? Even though I'm not that type of person like, if you find me cleaning, I'm cleaning every single room in the house at the exact same time, because I will find dirty clothes on the on the floor and go to put them in the bathroom and then see that the toilet, like. I'll be like, oh, I'll just put some stuff in the toilet so that that can soak while I'm waiting. And then I'll be like, oh, I'll just like, chuck some stuff around the toilet so that I can scrub that. And then I'm scrubbing that and I'm like, oh, you know, what I should do is I should go and put the washing on, because that's going to take time and I like will have 20 half finished jobs around the house at any given time. It's just what I'm like. So it's a. It's a weird. It's a weird thing that was in my brain.
Speaker 3:But I also used to do things like when I was in uni, because I would leave things to the last minute. I would go to uni and sit in the library the day that an assignment was due and bang it out in nine hours and just sit there and hyper focus on this fucking assignment and absolutely smash it out of the park, which then taught my brain well, what's the point in doing it any earlier? And I work well under pressure, so it's why. Also, if somebody's coming to my house, I can get that fucker so clean. But if you give me an entire day, absolutely not. There's no pressure, yeah, no deadlines.
Speaker 1:But you know what's so funny though? Because that that belief that you had in uni of like I work well under pressure and like we leave things to the last minute, it is the biggest thing that I see when women come to us and having an empty fucking cup. Why do they have an empty cup? Because it gets to the last fucking minute and they're like oh, now I actually have no fucking time to do things for myself where I actually like. So, getting back into training, I train twice a week.
Speaker 1:It's at the start of the week. It must be at the start of the week because I have to fill my cup first, and it's kind of like I always went backwards, of like, yeah, okay, well, I'll get the week set up and I'll get my kids set up and I'll make sure their lunchboxes are done and I'll make sure this, and then this fucking happens, and then my partner's working even more, and then I get to the end of the week and I'm like I'm fucking empty. Yeah, it's because we're like so trained in and conditioned that it will get done eventually, yeah, and then we become mothers, yeah, and then there's little people fucking need us and we're like I actually can't like and it doesn't go to plan, you know what it's like.
Speaker 3:So with the whole leaving things till the last minute thing, I mean, like that works really well in my business. I work like if I've done, if I've ever done, a masterclass, I have planned that the day before, sometimes the day of, like it's just, I do work well under pressure in that regard, but it's a little bit like when you're making muffins and you overfill the cup and it like leaks out onto the you know, onto the muffin tray. Do you know? Do you know what I mean? And then, like when you're cooking them, they like all flop over onto each other and it looks like shit right where. It's like if you contain it into just that cup, the muffin's perfect and so like in just the work cup, I can work well under pressure and that works really really fucking well. But when I try to put that into like my me cup or my mother cup or my wife cup or my exercise cup, it does not work and it's like I need structure and planning around that sort of stuff, otherwise it just doesn't work. And this is, I think, such a cool example of how shadow work works, because we know that, like I know that this is a trait of mine and I fought it for so long.
Speaker 3:I was like this is wrong. Everybody's telling me I should be doing this stuff ahead of time. Like I'm seeing these people in my university starting these assignments in like week one and just doing little bits of it and blah, blah, blah. And then I'm so stressed and I'm up until 1am the night before trying to finish this thing or trying to study for an exam. But also, like I remember that that one assignment that I'm talking about, the one that I did nine hours.
Speaker 3:I didn't always do it like that, but I remember one very clearly. I got the top grade of 300 students in that cohort for that particular thing. I did not study for the exam and I sat in the library and did the major assignment the day it was due and I'm like why on earth would I change that? Because it does work for me, but only in that particular area. So for me, I'm like cool, I know that this is a trade of mine and I'm going to put it here because it actually serves me really, really well here, like it's how I work very well in terms of creating masterclasses, in terms of doing assignments, in that sort of regard, but it doesn't serve me everywhere else, so we're just going to contain it over here.
Speaker 3:We're going to put it in a spot where it actually works, instead of rejecting it and going, oh I can't be like this, I shouldn't be doing this. I should be doing it this way because that person on TikTok told me to it's like actually no, I know about myself that this actually works beautifully here. I just can't let it run over into the other cups.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's huge. I remember, like my biggest thing was the chaos pattern. I would create a lot of chaos and drama and it came out a lot in my relationship. And I remember, like our coach, when the first time she said to me she was like so just put it in your business, yeah, and I was like what? I spoke to her about this same trait. I was like, oh, I do this. It's really bad. She's like why. I was like, oh, yeah, and you know what it's done for me in my business. It just pushes me right, like, so this it's not a chaos of like I'm, it's now burnout. It's a chaos of like I'm setting the bar higher and higher and higher and higher and trying to reach it and it's create a lot of ambition. When it was in my relationship, it was creating a lot of like problems. Yeah, a lot of chaos.
Speaker 3:Icky, but yeah yeah, totally, and it's like this is what we do, where people like people come to me all the time and like I do this thing and it's bad, and it's like, well, no, it's not, it just hasn't found its home, like this is the problem is that you've taken this trait and you're allowing it to spill everywhere, and that's why you think it's a problem, because people have told you that it's bad to leave things to the last minute and it's like, no, it's bad for you, but it works for me. So, and that's kind of you know, I guess the second portion of this particular topic is how to take these things and make them work for you instead of going. I can't do this a hundred percent. So blah, blah, blah, because with this particular morning routine, it's like my brain is now trained to instead of going. I have to reject that. I can't do it perfectly. It is now trained to go. Okay, which bits are tripping me up here? Like I can still go outside and stand on the grass. I can still do that. I'm not getting sunshine, but I'm still getting outside, getting fresh air in my lungs, all of the things. And I do get outside at some point during the morning. So that's just going to have to be enough for right now. I can pause the coffee as much as it pains me. I can pause the coffee for an hour or two after I wake up. That's doable.
Speaker 3:In terms of the walking, yes, I can get on my walking pad because I've got a similar situation. My husband wanted to put a gym out in the shed and I was like, when I'm home alone, I don't feel good about leaving the kids inside on their own, because what if they wake up and they can't find me? And that's really distressing to them. Like I would need, I would be able to do it with monitors or something like that, or like an alarm, like a security camera, just so that I could see or hear if they did wake up, and that would be doable.
Speaker 3:So, like, this is the thing, right, where it's, instead of going I can't do it going okay, what are the bits that I'm caught on and how could I fix it? How could I make that happen? Now, in terms of the walking, I could walk around like the trees outside. I could definitely do that, cause I do that sometimes. I'll go outside if I'm voice noting clients or Lorinda or whoever, I will go outside and I will walk around. Then generally that's when I get my sunshine and my steps in and that's how it works for me. So I'm like okay, cool, so I could make this morning routine just a little bit different, like kind of twist it around a bit so it slots into my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my biggest thing is I get I actually park away from the school. Like all of the mums know that I never park in, I always park at Coles and then like walk across and they're like, why do you do that? And I'm like for a few reasons. One I get movement straight away. Like my morning is hectic lunchboxes, get the kids dressed, drive to school through traffic and then I park and I walk in because I'm like I need to get out and move straight away before I go and sit down for the day. The other thing is I actually get to talk with Logan and I think that is the biggest thing. I'm like cool, I don't do it straight away as soon as I wake up or whatnot, but it is pretty fucking close because my morning routine with Logan is like solid. So I'm like, okay, well, this is working really well for me. And then I do it as soon as he's getting ready for school and then I do it by myself. So I get to have that one-on-one time with Logan in the morning. But then I'm also walking back to the car in the sunshine or last week it was the fucking rain, but I get that time before I start work. So that is something that works really well for me. And I think it's so awesome that we're talking about this, because I had a connection call with a woman the other day and she asked me like what are the sessions Like? What do our sessions look like? Like what are we going to be doing in them? And I'm like that's all up to you and where you're at right, like we don't sit here and go. You need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do this because I don't have your life, I don't have your conditioning, I don't have your beliefs, I don't have your shadows. It's kind of going what actually works really fucking well for me and go from there and I think of a morning routine. It's really coming down to like regulation. That's the whole reason you're going outside. It's regulation.
Speaker 1:And for me, a bigger thing in the morning is connection. So I'm like straight away, I'm like connecting with my family. We've got we've actually got music on every morning. Like seven o'clock comes on and we hear the girl go good morning Logan. And then it plays I believe it's a bar song right now, yeah, and it just increases. All of us and we connect and whatnot. And the caffeine. I actually don't have any caffeine until Logan is already at school, because for me I want a hot coffee. Yeah, that's so fair. Yeah, and I didn't realize like how, like I always see the morning routine and when we actually had a coach last year she was telling us her morning routine and things that she does and I'm like I cannot fucking fit that in and I had a moment of shame because I'm like I'm a coach who does embodiments and shadow work and I'm like I can't fit that in every single day because it was like every single morning, it was like an hour or two long mind, and she doesn't have children, so it's like it's completely different.
Speaker 3:And this is the issue. Right is that we're going on to TikTok, instagram, google, whatever, and trying to get these routines from these successful people that aren't living our lives, and we're going, oh well, like that person can wake up at 4.30 AM and they can, you know, go for 10,000 steps and meditate and do yoga and journal and like live an entire fucking life before their children wake up. Like what am I doing wrong? And it's like, bro, you're not doing anything wrong. Like maybe their kid doesn't get up until seven, maybe their partner's at home and they deal with the kids then and they're probably going to bed at like eight, 39 o'clock, because that's what you have to do to wake up at four, 30, to get a decent amount of sleep at night. Maybe they're those types of people who just don't need as much sleep like my husband. He just doesn't need it.
Speaker 3:And it drives me insane and I hate it and I try to fight it because I'm like no, no you need eight hours sleep and he's like I really don't and I'm just like I don't understand this is so annoying, but like yeah when, even as women, though, we require more sleep yeah, like we it's actual science like we require more sleep.
Speaker 1:And so when Matt goes, it's actual science, like we require more sleep. And so when Matt goes to bed late and I'm like you've got all this time by yourself overnight, and then he gets up at the crack of dawn, I'm also just like fuck you in my sleep because I'm still asleep, and I'm like how dare you wake up?
Speaker 3:But yeah, but it's yeah, it's like. It's one of those things where you need to be able to look at something and not automatically go into a shame spiral or oh, I can't do that spiral. You need to be able to look at it and go, okay, cool, which bits of this are not going to work for me, which bits are going to work for me? And I'm going to add that in and remove that and change that and like, what's the point of this? Okay, cool, maybe I could do this instead and you like, create it like that. I've just implemented a cleaning schedule in my house and I have been, because I'm a big fan of like don't reinvent the wheel. Like, if you're trying to create a schedule like that, somebody else has already created one. So why the fuck am I going to go and make it like I'm just going to go online and steal somebody else's. It's going to. It's going to require a lot less work on my part.
Speaker 3:But I was looking at these things and my brain was hooking into. You know, they'd have, for example, like the laundry room. I don't have a laundry room, my laundry is outside. So I'd be like, well, I don't have a laundry room, so what can I do there? And they had all these beautiful printouts and I'm like, but that doesn't work for my house. Like, what about this thing, what about that thing? You know what? I don't have that, so I don't have to do that bit.
Speaker 3:And like my brain would get so fucking caught up on I can't do this perfectly, and it just got overwhelming to me. So the other day, like a week and a half ago, I sat down and I was like, okay, cool, I'm going to section my house into seven sections. So there was like my room, the boy's room, my daughter's room, the bathroom, the kitchen and like little hallway kind of it's not really a hallway, but like little area behind the kitchen, and then like the living room area. And then the seventh one was outside. So that encompasses like my laundry, cleaning my car out, because that is absolutely something that I need to be doing a bit more regularly.
Speaker 1:I literally just did that on the weekend because I was like Lorinda, look at your car.
Speaker 3:It's disgusting, so bad. And, like you know, all of the pet stuff, like we've got four animals, so you know there's a lot to do in that regard. And I was like, okay, cool, what do I need to do in each room? What do I feel like I need to do in each room? And I wrote them all down and I was like, cool, that's what I'm going to focus on. And then I was like, okay, what are jobs that need to be done like monthly? At the moment I might do them a little bit more regularly as I get more on top of it, but I was like you know, things like, like pulling the glass panes out of the windows and cleaning those, like probably doesn't even really need to be done monthly, to be fair, to be fair, a lot of them. So you know we're working on it, we're doing better. But, like you know, deep cleaning the dishwasher, deep cleaning the washing machine, like cleaning out cupboards, decluttering areas, like all of that sort of stuff that's like a monthly thing. Well, like you know, spot cleaning the mattresses, crap like that. And I was like, okay, cool, these are my sections.
Speaker 3:And then last week I was kind of just in testing phase where I was like all right, what do I have time for? Do I actually have time to do this every single day? Where am I struggling? Like, what do I need to add that I maybe didn't have there? What do I need to change up? I was like I'm going to do a monthly task every day and then I quickly worked out I possibly don't have time to do that all the time. So why can't I do four or five monthly tasks on the weekend, where it doesn't really matter where I put it, but I tend to have a lot more time? So I was like why can't I do it that way? So at the moment I'm still in the testing phase where I'm like okay, cool, I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't like fucking tick every single thing on my list as long as I spend some time in that room on a Monday.
Speaker 3:So today it's my boys' bedroom. Spend some time in that room. Like clean up a bit. Do one set of sheets? Um, cause I've got like a set of sheets every day, cause we've only got one set of sheets per bed. Our house is fucking tiny, we just don't have the storage. So like to change the sheets in our household. It is like you need to pull them off, wash them, dry them and remake the bed with the same set of sheets in the same day. So it's, you know it's a big undertaking, especially for our bed. Um, so I was like, okay, it's, you know it's a big undertaking, especially for Abbott.
Speaker 3:So I was like, okay, cool, like what's working, what's not? What do I need to change? What do I need to add? What have I missed? All of that sort of stuff. And I'm giving myself a few weeks of that of like easing myself into it and not beating myself up if I don't get it perfect, so that when I do put it in properly, I'm like I know that this is going to work for me and I know that it's doable for me, as long as I get off my ass and I have the discipline to do it. When I don't feel like doing it because I don't like cleaning, I'll say it. I'm not a cleaner. I will do anything to avoid cleaning. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know. What's so cool, though, is you can just literally like this is the same. When I was PTing, like, and it's just a numbers game, right, and we have business plans and like, I've implemented a lot more trackers because that's something I need to do, but it's the same thing, right, you're gonna go all right, I'm gonna test this out. What's not working, what is working, and is it a me thing or is it a time thing? Because the amount of people that I see they're like yeah, everyone has the same 24 hours a day. No, we fucking do not. My 24 hours is very different to Steph's 24 hours, because I have like two teenagers who are like self-sufficient, as well as a six-year-old who is like chill as fuck.
Speaker 1:Right, you've got three young ones and my kids are not chill, especially my toddler, she is not chill yeah, so it's kind of like we don't have the same hours, so it's kind of like cool if you and this is the thing I always tell my clients get it out of your head. You're like, they're like're like I have so much to do. And I actually got a client the other day. We put on music and she sat on the call with me and we she wrote down her to-do list and she looked at it and she's like, she's like I'm about to say something really stupid and I was like what's wrong? And she's like oh, I actually feel a lot better and I'm like you need to get it out of your head.
Speaker 1:And the thing is I actually have a couple of calendars around the house because I'm the same, I'm essentially the housewife and I'm trying to be a lot more organized and everything. And I feel like a lot of women this year have come into that mindset of this is the year I want to be organized and for me it's data collection. I'm like to back with clients and stuff like that. So why am I adding things to my plate on a Tuesday? Yeah, where Mondays of a morning I can do more things. So I actually have started to like block out time in my calendar of things that I need to do, because if I have it down it's out of my head, I don't have to stress about it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like I planned cleaning my bathroom for a Friday because my cleaner comes every second Friday and I was like I had it on a Wednesday. At one point I was like I hate cleaning the bathroom. Like I hate cleaning. Cleaning the bathroom is like the bane of my existence. So I was like if I put it on a Friday, then I only have to do it every second week because she'll do it the other week. Thank you, love you so much, like could not survive without you.
Speaker 3:But it's about sort of yeah, like shifting things and giving yourself permission to not get it right every single time, giving yourself permission to go. Maybe I've bitten off a little bit more than I can chew here and we see this all the time with stuff like exercise and diet, right, where somebody's going from nothing and just not exercising at all to I'm gonna do seven, seven days a week, and it's like no the fuck, you're not. Like that's a lot, that's a lot of change very, very quickly. And maybe if you don't have kids, that's possibly possible because it's just like a bit of you know, a bit of time management. With kids, time management is a bit harder because it's not just up to us. And it's not just like you need to be more disciplined. It's about like you've got three children that also need to be fucking disciplined and they're not disciplined. They are. They do what they want when they want, and it's like that sort of thing when you're trying to put so much pressure on yourself to get it right instead of going.
Speaker 3:You know what, I'm just gonna do it twice a week and that's it. And it feels like nothing. I get it. I am. I was always an all or nothing kind of girly where I'd be like no, I'm gonna like fucking smash this. I went from nothing to trying 75 hard last year and flamed out at day 19 because my body was just like get fucked. Like my back went, my knees went and I was like, okay, probably a little bit much. So I have been you, I have been you like.
Speaker 3:This is not me judging you, I was you where I would be like no, I have been you, I have been you. Like this is not me judging you, I was you. Where I would be like, no, I have to do it all, there's no point. Now I'm like, okay, cool, what if I just do it like twice a week? Or okay, cool, then I can do it like three times a week.
Speaker 3:And when am I going to do it, rather than just going like, oh yeah, I'm going to do it. I'm going to exercise three times a week. When are you going to do it? Is it Monday, wednesday, friday? Is it Monday, tuesday, wednesday? Is it Monday, thursday, friday? Like, what days are you going to do it? When do you actually have the time? What days are clearer than the others? Like, all of this sort of stuff needs to be considered and in terms of, like the mental to-do list, overwhelm for me is really just energy that has nowhere to go. Where it's like it's something that doesn't have a plan? Because once you make it and saying that, though, my business coach, I was like, oh my god, I've got so much to do she's like, write it out. And I wrote it out, and I was like that actually makes me feel worse, because now I have to look at it, yeah the other thing that I think about as well.
Speaker 1:So for me, I'm going back, I'm back into training and I very well could do four days a week, right, I did two last week and I was like, oh, I could just like up it to four, but I told myself to give myself six weeks of two and it's kind of like looking at when you're only setting the bar to what you feel like is not a good enough standard, what else is coming up for you. So for me, I'm like a good standard, as somebody who trains regularly, would be four times a week. I'm'm only doing two and I'm like what's coming up for me? And I'm like I don't feel like I'm doing enough. And why do I not feel like I'm doing enough?
Speaker 1:And I'm pulling this thread? So we're always like in that all or nothing and you kind of flame out and you burn out. But I actually challenge you to do the opposite Slowly, step into it and see what comes up. Is it that you're feeling lazy? Is it that you're not feeling like you're good enough? Is it that you don't believe that you will actually achieve this?
Speaker 3:It's like let's reverse it and see what comes up. Yeah, like you feel like you can't stick to it for six weeks. So it's like, oh, I need to do all or nothing. So I get, you know, 14 workouts in two weeks and then do nothing for six months. Like, are you? Are you the type of person who is constantly setting yourself these goals, where you're like I'm going to start exercising and you start it and then you stop, and because you've put too much on your plate and this is continuing, this pattern and this cycle where it's like I don't keep my promises to myself, I say that I'm going to do these things and I know I should be doing these things, but I don't have the discipline to do them. But I don't have the discipline to do them, but I don't have the ability to do them, but you know, I've got kids, so I can't do them.
Speaker 3:Like, whatever, like insert, whatever the talk is. Whenever you do end up flaming out and stopping whatever you're doing. Instead of going, cool, what's like one small change I could make. Like, maybe your diet is fucked. Instead of going, I'm going to like buy this meal plan and go from eating my kids like leftover chicken nuggets and, you know eating dessert 10 o'clock at night. After I've been scrolling, can I just start with eating breakfast? And it doesn't matter what the breakfast is. Can I just start with making sure that I eat breakfast every single day?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's that 1% better. And I don't know how many times we've actually said it on our podcast that our nervous system is not wired for change. It is wired to keep us safe. And that is literally the mindset that I tell myself all the time. I'm like two times a week is not fucking hard, right.
Speaker 1:But my body is like well, we've gone from like doing whatever the fuck we want, so now I'm like stepping into, like yeah, I need to make it really fucking easy for me. I need to get up at that time twice a week and do it. Yes, and both time I felt really great instead of burnt out, instead of being like, fuck, I'm here again. My body is like actually, this feels really good. Let's just do two. And then when we're feeling like this is you know, I can actually get up another morning let's add a third one. Or let's add a third one, or let's add in a walk of a morning, or like instead of, I'm very big on like, don't add an entire plate worth of shit. If you're not fucking used to it, if you're listening to this and most of them are mums who are fucking tired and burnt out why are you adding an entire fucking plate?
Speaker 3:that's not going to fill up your cup, like it's going to empty it even faster, because it's you're not doing it for you. It's not, and it's you know, yeah, what Rin said around the nervous system. It's like your brain does not care that you're trying to thrive and grow. It doesn't want you to thrive and grow. It really doesn't, because growing means change and that's danger to your nervous system. Your brain and your nervous system is trying to keep you alive. That's it. That is all that it wants. It doesn't care that you've got big goals, slave fucking vision boards. It doesn't care. It does not care. It cares that you are alive. And to it, you getting up seven days a week at 5am to go and do fucking Pilates in your lounge room even though it sounds to you like it's not going to be that difficult because it's in your house Like how difficult can it be? Your nervous system is going to be like whoa, what the fuck is going on here? What is going on here? You might be feeling good at first, but your nervous system is eventually going to go. That is a tiger. I don't like that. Get rid of that. And that's where the excuses start coming up and that is why you keep on flaming out.
Speaker 3:I'm very passionate about this topic, something I've looked into a lot. Actually, it's something that the girls in my habit reset movement in January did really really phenomenally with actually can coach on habits, but yeah, the all or nothing it's killing your vibe. So stop, just go like, okay, what is the goal? Like make a goal. Like make a six month goal by June or what are we in now? February, okay, so by July I want my entire house to be running, you know, fucking schmicko, and I want to just like. I'm in the habit, that's what I do every single day. I get up and I go into that particular room and I clean up, and it's easy because I've decluttered and I'm feeling good and my house doesn't overwhelm me anymore, and that's my six month goal. So I was like, okay, cool, what can I do today to work towards that? What are, like, three things that I can throw out of my kids' rooms, because they probably won't even notice? What's three things I can throw out? Okay, cool, I would really love to be the type of person who was working out four to five times a week by July. So what can I do right now?
Speaker 3:Like, if you're doing that for six months, you're trying to work out four or five times a week. You could literally add one a month and you would still be there ahead of time. You'd be there way ahead of time. So it's like there's no, there's no time limit on it. You can take your time, it's not going anywhere. And it's better for you to take your time and work up to it and actually stick to it this time than it is to completely overload yourself. And you know for what for you to probably fail or stop I don't love the word fail but to probably quit that habit because it got too hard, to make you feel like shit about yourself, because you've given up again, you've done it again and to be in the same position that you are right now. So our challenge to you Go and pick something that you would like to do.
Speaker 3:Make it really, really small. The aim here is to make it so small that you actually feel stupid, not being able to do it. When you say it out loud, it's like, I think, in one of the book, it's like Atomic Habits, maybe it's like just floss one tooth. So when you say like, oh, I can't find time to floss one tooth, you feel stupid. It's like what do you mean? You can't find time to floss one tooth.
Speaker 3:Like go and do one pushup. Like you're really telling me you don't have five seconds to do one single push-up. Like that's the kind of stupid that we're making it sound. Like you're trying to tell me you don't have 10 minutes in your week somewhere to go for a walk. Like 10 minutes absolutely anywhere in your week. It's like you know how I get my steps up. At the moment I pace my living room up, back up, back up, back up, back up, back, because when I try and get on the treadmill, my three-year-old tries to get on there with me and the puppy tries to get on there with me and it's just like it's a shit fight, but I can get my steps up like that. So how can you make it happen in your life? Not how can Lorinda do it, how can Steph do it? How can Betty up the road do it? How can my mom do it? How can that person on TikTok do it? How can you do it?
Speaker 1:Queen of habits right there and as always, but I know how to.
Speaker 1:I know how to set them, yeah, and it honestly just starts with a small step.
Speaker 1:We literally didn't get to this point in our lives by not doing the things that we wanted to do, and our lives are completely different and we understand that everyone else's lives are completely different, and we're here to change the narrative, that you need to do it a certain way. It's about what works for you in your life and who do you want to be, not who do you think you need to be. That is something that we're very passionate about. So, as always, if you've liked this episode and or have any thoughts or comments, you're more than welcome to dm us and always ask permission if we need, if you need to vent on something, as we are people and also sometimes at capacity when we have children running around, but we will always get back to you eventually. But, as always, if you love this episode, you can leave a review uh, post it on your stories, because we want to get out there to so many different women in so many different life stages. And yeah, that's today. We will see you next week.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for joining us. We've absolutely loved being here with you today.
Speaker 1:And if you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it.
Speaker 2:Please leave a review or drop into our DMs.
Speaker 1:We would love to hear from you.