Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
#35 - Your Capacity Isn't Someone Else's Schedule with Sal Noonan
Saleste Noonan joins Steph to dismantle one of the most toxic myths in modern hustle culture: that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. This refreshingly honest conversation cuts through the noise to acknowledge that our capacity varies wildly based on circumstances, support systems, and natural energy levels.
"Does my day start at 4am if I've been up all night with my child who wouldn't sleep?" Sal asks, perfectly capturing why comparing your productivity to others is fundamentally flawed. Together, they explore how mothers particularly face unique challenges when bombarded with productivity advice from those with entirely different life circumstances.
This episode delivers practical wisdom about understanding your genuine capacity versus making excuses. We share our journeys from feeling victimised by circumstances to empowered decision-makers, offering a powerful mindset shift from "I can't because I have kids" to "What CAN I do despite having kids?"
You'll discover why some people naturally have higher capacity than others, how priorities reveal themselves in where you actually spend your time (hello, screen time reports!), and why many set themselves up for failure by basing expectations on either their best or worst days rather than reality.
The conversation culminates in a liberating message: success looks different for everyone. Rather than chasing someone else's definition of achievement, happiness comes from knowing who you truly are and aligning your precious time with what matters most to YOU. As Celeste beautifully states, "When you know who you are and where you're going, no one can mess with that."
Ready to stop feeling guilty about your capacity and start designing a life that honors your unique circumstances? Listen now and prepare for some loving tough love that might just change your relationship with time forever.
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Expression of interest
Welcome to Unhinged and Unfiltered. Who Gave them a Mic. We're your hosts, steph and Lorinda.
Speaker 2:Warning getting triggered is not only accepted but encouraged here. This podcast will dive deep into conversations that make you really think about life. No top level BS here.
Speaker 1:Where real women get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Speaker 2:Tune in for unfiltered conversations, practical tips and tools that actually work and are easily applied, and a whole lot of laughs as we navigate the ups and downs of being a woman together. Welcome back to Unhinged and Unfiltered. It's a good start. It's a good start. I am joined today by my beautiful friend, celeste Noonan, and we have already been chatting. We are chatting about a topic that gets both of us pretty riled, so we've had to make a pact that we're going to try not to interrupt each other or tell the other to shut up, so that we can say what we need to say.
Speaker 2:it's a good start we're going well so far it's, yeah, like we're two minutes in and you haven't even told me to shut up yet.
Speaker 1:There's still time there's still plenty of time.
Speaker 2:So sal is a I would call you like a energy woo-woo, but like really logical kind of girly. It's probably like how, like a strategic woo-woo witch. I'm into it, yeah, I like it. So sal works with um women just like me and Lorinda she works a lot in forgive me if I balls this up, because you do change tracks here and there, um but mainly with, like, startup businesses to help them get a lot of strategy, um, to get their instagrams and things like that. Working for them to create business plans. Like she's got a very sharp mind for things like that. Working for them to create business plans. Like she's got a very sharp mind for things like that. But she's also a reiki witch, thank you, which she's. She's actually proper psychic, like.
Speaker 2:I've had a few readings with Sal now. I was actually her first reading when she first went online. We met in mum's group um, which was also online. But I've watched her progress from. You know she was good at the start, but now when she does readings she'll message me and I'm like how did you know that? Because I have been thinking that, but I have not breathed a word of that to another soul. So she's psychic but it's fun. But, sal, I'll let you introduce yourself in better words.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, I'm so impressed by that. That was really kind and I didn't even have to say you know, steph, say nice things about me on your podcast, so thank you. Yeah, and that's a fun fact, isn't it? My first ever paying client Amazing, we've been on a bit of a journey. So thank you, client Amazing. We've been on a bit of a journey, so thank you. But that's boring for the people that are listening.
Speaker 3:So, wow, I agree with everything that you've said and if I were to simplify it again, I'd say that I, you know, do Reiki, I host retreats, I do in-person events, but I really love helping women bring their dreams to life. And I don't say that in like a fluffy way, but I'm a big believer in we can all follow our passions and our interest, and if we've got something to share and something to do that helps others, then we have to do it. And all of that is done without any bullshit. So I think it's that woo-woo, but there's no bullshit with that and I'm really proud to say that. Yeah, it's like tangible dreams.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and just making it happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like don't come in here and tell me that you want $5 million by Friday. But if you come in here and tell me like I've got this idea for a business like sales, you go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we get to do it and we get to make it as easy as possible. But, as you would know, I think we're sold this dream online that if you just wish for it enough, it'll happen. But we actually have to do the work and sometimes there are those blocks, as you know, and there are those things that hold us back. So I guess I combine that, as you said, that psychic stuff with the actual plans and send it. Yeah, that wasn't as clear, but that's how.
Speaker 2:I feel, about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look, it's been a bit of a muddled muddled one, but I think we got there. I think we got the essence. So Sal, in addition to all of her we were shit um also is a mom of two. So she's got a little boy who is three and a half same age as my youngest, and then she has also got eight. Has he just turned one? He's eight months now. Eight months, oh god, I'm way off. They all look the same age to me these days. You know when, like they're older, and you're like, oh, how old's that baby is, like six months, they're like, oh no, it's like a newborn. I'm like, oh yeah, how do you feel?
Speaker 3:about when people are like oh, my son's son's 47 months, ew, no.
Speaker 2:No, I lost count of how old my youngest was. I counted it in months until she turned one, and then I was like she's one, she's one and a half, she's two, she's one or something. You know Something like that. I don't actually know. She was born in August. You do the maths, I'm too tired, but today, um, but today we wanted to have a chat about the saying we've all got the same 24 hours in a day. The horror, the horror, because well, it's bullshit, really isn't it?
Speaker 3:My whole body is saying no, no, no, and do not scream into this microphone. No, it is a myth and it is designed to make you feel like shit and just feel terrible about yourself and your capacity. And we are not doing that anymore.
Speaker 2:I feel like it was created, or you see it a lot in the fitness industry where 20 year old PTs who like, have never like working gyms so they can work out three hours a day between clients and they don't have kids. They've, you know, never worked like a nine to five. They don't have partners a lot of the time, or their partners are also in the gym. Like their entire life is the gym. So, yeah, in that case, yeah, you probably do have more, like 30 hours a day to work out. But when you then obviously throw a couple of kids into the mix, or even before I had children, I used to I've always copped my entire life Like I don't know how you fit it all in, cause I'm just that kind of person. I just managed to fit a lot in.
Speaker 2:I just I don't know how I do, what I just do, um, but I was like working two jobs. I was in full-time, like a full-time master's degree, and I still managed to, you know, get drunk on the weekends. But I'm fully, I'm also fully aware that I'm not most people, that most people can't do that, that most people just don't have the capacity, and I've also this is funny, actually I've also been around a lot of projectors lately. If you're into human design, um what? Yeah, you're a projector. Yeah, of course you are um.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know how I seem to attract them all because I'm a, I'm a mani gen and I'm also a gemini and like those two things. Like I'm basically a whirlwind and I don't burn out. I just don't. It doesn't happen to me, or if it does, it's very, very brief. I'll have, like you know, an existential crisis for like a couple of hours and then I'm fine and I'm like right, okay, cool, what's next? And the thought of like living the slow life or only having you know three or four clients at a time, or only doing like one or two things at a time, like it makes my blood run cold.
Speaker 3:That's who you are. That's also your capacity.
Speaker 2:That's exactly right. But it's the same thing right where I was having projector, friends tell me you do too much, you're going to burn out. And I was like, no, you would burn out. Trying to do what I do, I'm you're gonna burn out. And I was like, no, you would burn out trying to do what I do. I'm not going to burn out. I know what my capacity is.
Speaker 2:I also know where my lines are now and I've gotten yeah, like I've gotten good at being like, this is exactly how much I can fit in my box at any given time. I'm not going to overload it because I know what happens, but it's like I know the confines of my box just because your awareness right, but your box is smaller than mine, for whatever reason.
Speaker 2:Don't compare your box to my box, same as I won't compare my box to your box. If we're talking, we all, we all know that I love analogies. But, sal, I'd love your take on like. But, sal, I'd love your take on like. Firstly, why you hate this saying so much and, secondly, why you think it's so different for everybody.
Speaker 3:Well, first of all, my my first question is for the people that repeatedly say that with such conviction if I get up at 4am to do my morning routine, which sets me up for the day, does it count if I've been up all night with my child who wouldn't sleep? Does my day start at four or am I still awake from when I tried to go to bed at like nine, like? Is that the same thing? Or you know what if you work night shift? What if you are a single mom? What if you were someone who is sitting in something really heavy? Or maybe it's just a purely chaotic season? No, you don't have the same 24 hours, and I mean, for example, you and I.
Speaker 3:Your husband works away, as most people would know. My husband works six days a week and works long hours. My capacity and availability for anything is slightly different to someone that might have the luxury of family close by, or nannies or daycare, like you cannot compare the two. Um and yeah, just, it's not fair and I think it just perpetuates this idea that you are not enough, and that's the cycle that we get into as moms and as women. You know it's not healthy. What was the second question? I've forgotten.
Speaker 2:I think it was what affects it. What affects your capacity which you've kind of just, you've kind of just answered both of those questions in one, so that was very, that was very. Um, what's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 3:oh, my god nailed it yeah, nailed, it's fine.
Speaker 2:I was looking for um simplified or streamlined, or it's very um, oh my god.
Speaker 3:I love those words because that's my vibe in my business. I think so much I might use this as a clip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally For sure, you can use it with my insane like I can't actually remember the word that I'm looking for, but that's so fun. We're having a day guys, it was efficient, it was efficient, it was very efficient of you Projector things. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, and I think the other thing that people forget as well is that capacity changes not just from person to person, but for you from day to day. Right when it's like I see this a lot with my clients where they'll be continually telling me like I can't do X, y, z, and I'm like, okay, why? And they're like, well, what if the kids get sick? I'm like, okay, but are the kids sick? And they're like, well, no, but last time they got sick, like this entire routine went out the window. Yeah, cause you've got sick kids. That will happen.
Speaker 2:But I find that people are either basing their capacity on worst case or best case. They're not, they're not doing it on what's actual like day-to-day sort of reality and adjusting for those you know those things, those good days or bad days. So they'll say like, oh, yeah, I, um, I tried to go to the gym once and like the baby was teething and just screamed the whole time, so I haven't been back and it's like okay, but was that just a bad day?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's a choice. I think there's two things and two pathways we could go down. It's a choice to, for example, get out of bed a little bit earlier. I'm not saying you have to get out of bed at five, but if you know that you want to have a little bit of time for yourself, you can set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier, or you can choose to go back to the gym, even though you're so embarrassed because your kid lost their fucking mind, or you can choose differently.
Speaker 3:But also, this is the best advice that I've come across recently, and it's not necessarily basing your to-do list off your best or worst day, but what does your day look like in terms of the requirements of you as a mother, a business owner, person that keeps everyone alive? What is the minimum requirement that you know that you can actually do, whether it's shit hits the fan, whether it's the best day ever and you're so happy and you're like skipping through, like the flower fields. What is that? If you base your day on your minimum capacity, you're fine and then you can add things in, rather than putting this pressure on yourself where, if the kids are sick or someone's running late, you just want to I was going to say a very bad word. Then you know you just you've got to base it on like a reasonable day. Don't make it harder for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally. I think it also comes down to that piece of cause. This is what a lot of people will do, where they'll base it on their best day that they're mostly not going to get to. They might get one of those days once a month, and then they just tell themselves like, oh, I can't do that, I'm not enough, I must just be like a shitty mom, or like they 'll make up those sorts of stories instead of just being like actually, I've set the bar way too fucking high for myself.
Speaker 2:So then they come to people like me being like I'm not enough and it's like actually, no, you are, you're just, you've just got unreasonable expectations of yourself. Um, but then they're continually making these to-do lists and these promises to themselves that they know that they're not going to be able to hit, and so then they're continually again perpetuating that cycle and that story where it's like I set, I set things, I set tasks, I set goals that I don't hit and I don't keep promises to myself. So as they're writing out their to-do lists, they're like I'm not even going to do any of this, like they've already decided when they're writing it out, cause it's like I never actually do any of this, like they're looking at this list a mile long and they're like I know I'm not going to get all of that done.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is not realistic, but again, that's a bigger topic of are you, oh my God, like you're so busy and I've got so many things to do and my calendar's booked, or are you just like, really inefficient with your time? Like, are you choosing to overload yourself and overwork yourself in quotation marks so that you can feel this we don't like the V word, the victim word, but you know, sometimes that's a really big cop-out too rather than going okay, I've got this amount of time, I need to be productive, I need to be efficient, but loading yourself up with so many things again that you're not going to get to. Just make it easier for yourself, like, be honest, find out what your human design is, have a look into shadow work, talk to people, get the free stuff online. Like we don't have the same 24 hours, but it's our responsibility to choose better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's. I think it's your responsibility to understand your 24 hours as well, yeah, and how you work best, yeah, but also like what you want to fill that with, right, because how many people are doing the things that they should be doing? Because I've seen some again 20 year old girl who's super skinny and is, you know, reminding them of their youth, telling them that if they just get up at 5am, that all of their dreams are going to come true. And it's like because somebody is telling you that you should be doing that, that doesn't necessarily mean that that's going to work for your life.
Speaker 2:And trying, trying to like shove things in that you don't even really care about is setting yourself up for failure. Where you're like, yeah, I need to get up at 5 am, but like you're a night owl, why you can do it at night, do it at night.
Speaker 3:Totally, and I should say you know I really vibe the 20 year old sorry, I can't talk 20 year olds that are out there doing the thing. They're showing up, they're trying to make a difference, but my problem is you have no idea what it is like to live in someone else's shoes, so you are so gung-ho about. You should be doing this, you should be doing that and you have not walked a mile in those shoes. Shut the fuck up. You are not helping and you can't say things like you know, oh, if you just did this, or if you just did more of that, or if you woke up at five, if you don't know what it's like to have your whole day scheduled and feeling great and everything's aligned, and then your poor little baby wakes up four times during the night and there is absolutely nothing you can do.
Speaker 3:You can't get a babysitter, you can't send them to daycare. It feels like everything's on fire. I love you so much and please shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, thank you. Thank you so much from every single working mom, or just mom, that has ever mumbed. Thank you, thank you for your service. Mute, block, delete, throw your phone, move countries.
Speaker 2:I act like I actually could not agree more, and something that I, like you, will never, ever, ever catch me doing is trying to tell you how you should be living if I have never experienced what you're experiencing like. I try to avoid the word should altogether, um, just because I don't think it's a helpful word in the most in like in most cases. There are very few examples where I will use it um, but things like. I hear a lot of my clients saying things like I shouldn't feel like this, I should be doing this and it's like okay. But, babe, a, you are feeling like that and B, you're not doing it.
Speaker 2:So it's like when you're saying like I feel like, it almost gives you this false sense of like. Oh, I know that I shouldn't be doing this, but so, like, because I know I shouldn't be doing it, it makes it okay. Or I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this because society's told me that that's wrong. So if I say I just shouldn't feel like that, then that will just completely bypass the fact that I do feel like that and it makes it okay and it's like okay. But what if, instead of saying I shouldn't feel that way, you just said I do feel this way, so why?
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's just skip that part. Like, just skip that part. Like you're allowed to have your feelings, and again, that's another thing that's placed upon us. Oh my gosh, we could talk for hours about that. We again I think our work is similar in the sense that we want other moms, women, whoever you are, to live a life that not only like looks good to you, but feels good, it's like what you want to do with your time, how you want to speak, how you want to feel, who you want to be. Think again we don't have the same 24 hours, not in the same season. It's different.
Speaker 2:Totally and like even your 24 hours is completely different to mine, because your kids are three and a half and eight months old. Mine are three and a half, nearly six and seven, and it's like I'm in a completely different season to you where, if I'm sitting here being like, oh well, sal, you could just do this and you could just do that, my seven-year-old is home today. I can hear him out there making noodles for himself because he's hungry. I'm there. There is no way in hell I'd be letting my three and a half year old near the stove like no chance. But it's like it's a completely different situation where I am able to work when they're at home because they are older, whereas people who have younger kids I see people all the time asking in the Mums page it's like, oh, can I work full-time from home with two kids? And I'm like no, oh, hell, no, no you cannot, it's just.
Speaker 3:Talk about setting yourself up for being unsuccessful. I mean, oh no.
Speaker 2:That's not up for being unsuccessful. I mean it's a no, but it sounds. It sounds fun like you get to be home with your babies, but it's really not fun at all.
Speaker 3:It's horrible, it sucks. I have the loudest kids in the world and I love that for them. They will be the leaders you know they will go off and do their own thing. But no, it's not what he's trying to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, thank you. No, no, I've very. I've learned a long time ago to keep mothering and work separate, because I'm a horrible human when I try to put them together. But I think, like, based off of that, off of that we don't all have the same 24 hours, and all of the things like what would be your advice to somebody to work out what their 24 hours looks like?
Speaker 3:Yeah, we do this a lot, particularly when I start working with people in a one-to-one capacity, we look at where their time is going.
Speaker 3:So of course, we still have the 24 hours and I put a really big emphasis on the time that is spent doing stuff for the human first. So, whether it's like sleep, movement, doing all the things that you need to do to be a baseline good human, but also knowing where you could be doing the things that you know you need to do, so you will find that you might spend three hours on your phone like screen time. Maybe you are spending more time watching Netflix than doing something that would be productive for your future self. And that's not to say that we go through it and say bad, wrong, don't do that. You should there's that word again. But just being really clear about where our time is going, across like the space of a week or two, I think that's really important to know where your time's going and then figuring out when you work best Is it the morning, is it the afternoon, is it nighttime? And building a plan from there. I think if you're not planning, you're really just screwing yourself over. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of people I've always found, whenever I've asked people to do stuff like that, or even when I was doing sleep and I would ask them to log their children's sleep, like your, your perception of what's going on and reality are often two very different things, where I've had so many moms come to me and say I just don't have time to do that, and I'm like, okay, cool, can you give me like a bit of a breakdown of what your day looks like? And they'll sort of go, oh, you know this and this and this, and I'm like, okay, cool, can I see your screen time?
Speaker 2:Okay, and they're like oh, oh, oh, oh. And it's like again, I'm not shaming you Like my screen time is pretty high as a general rule. I have a bit of it. I have a bit of an addiction to my phone. We're working on it, it is what it is. But again, like I'm very realistic about that, I'm not sitting here going like no, no, I'm like doing the best that I can and every single day is super, super productive. Sometimes it's not, sometimes it really isn't. Sometimes I spend too much time on my phone, sometimes I spend time fucking around, sometimes I, you know, spend too much time doing other things that I maybe should not be doing. There's that word. But it's like I'm not sitting here blaming everybody else for the reasons. I still make sure that I schedule my stuff in. Like I go and exercise every day because that's important to me, except for the last week because I've been sick. But like I make the time to do things and if I'm not making the time to do them, I'm always very honest about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I think, honestly, my life completely changed when I stopped saying I can't do this because I've got three kids. To what can I do despite the fact that I've got three kids?
Speaker 3:What do you want to do? You know that's a big one as well, not just what I think I should be doing or how am I limited, but what do I actually want to do with my time? How do I want to feel? How like this is a big thing that we talk about a lot, just with anyone that is close to me, whether it's clients, loved ones. What is success to you? You know it doesn't have to be X, y, z, it could be ABC. And how do you make that happen with the time that you have, rather than trying to be this ideal of you know, these beautiful 20 year olds that are off doing this, this and this. What is it for you and what does it mean to you if you're able to create that life? Yeah, that feels a bit woo, woo, but I'm just being honest, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, I also think as well, and this will probably call some people out. But you know, that's what I'm known for. I often find people who tell me things like because I also think that these sorts of conversations can be a little bit validating where we shouldn't be validating to a degree where it's like, oh well, I don't have the same 24 hours as that person, so I just can't get anything done. I think that that's kind of the other side of it, where people say to me things like I don't have time to do that and I'm like okay, cool, what are you doing? Because that tells me what your priorities are. What are you doing Because that tells me what your priorities are? If you're like I really want to own a business, but I'm spending 40 hours a week making sure that my house is absolutely spotless, it's like, okay, the business is not a priority, but the house is, and that's fine. That's okay If that's where you want your priorities to be going. But for me and I don't know if you would agree with this, but I'm assuming that you probably will we will find time to prioritise what's important to us, whether that is scrolling your phone, whether that is going and getting your nails done if that's drinking alcohol, like it doesn't matter what the resource is that you use to get that thing, whether it's money doesn't matter what the resource is that you use to get that thing, whether it's money, time, friendships, whatever, if it's a priority for you. Like all we have to do is look at fucking crack addicts on the street and this is an extreme example but they literally don't have homes, clothes, places to shower, safe places to sleep and they still get hold of crack resourceful, right, but it's like that is their priority. And it's like like I think I saw something. I saw something a while back and it made me laugh. It was something like I won't be out hustled by a crack addict. Or it's like if a crack addict can find the ways to get a crack, like to get crack, I'm not going to be out hustled by that. And it made me laugh because it's so true.
Speaker 2:But I think it's why it's really important to actually sit down and get so honest and go, yeah, like what are my priorities and what do you want? Yeah, and like not, not beat yourself up for that. Not go like, oh, but I should be wanting to spend every single second with my kids while they're babies, because they're only little ones, but being like. But I really actually just want to go to fucking Pilates with the girls. Yeah, because it makes me feel good, like I like to feel strong.
Speaker 2:I really actually want to put the kids into daycare a couple of days a week because I've got this business idea and it fucking lights my soul on fire, yeah, and it's like you can be both. You can do both, like the. Both of those things can be priorities, but the problem is is that you're not living to either of those priorities at the moment, because you're so in your own head being like I should be doing this and I shouldn't be doing this and I shouldn't want that and I should want this because you're seeing all like the trad wives on Instagram being like I just bake sourdough. You're like, but maybe that's what I should be doing. And then you see, like you know people like you and I who were like, yeah, I put my fucking kids into daycare so I can run my business. Like hell, yeah, I do. And you're like, oh, maybe I could do that. And it's like you're so at war with yourself, but you're doing neither.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, I think that's something that I've ever told you that. But I work with a lot of women. I meet a lot of amazing women who own businesses online. I follow a lot of people. I'm, you know, balls deep in seeing what people are doing, particularly when it comes to wanting to have different passions and being, you know, a great present mom, but also wanting to build something for yourself and the identity piece, and yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 3:But there aren't many corners of the internet that call it out like you do. You are one of the first people that I've ever seen online that has said it's okay to not have the best day and restart again. It's okay to lose your shit and say some things that you probably don't want to say, but go and repair and it doesn't mean anything about you, but there is help available and you can dust yourself off and go again. So I just want to say thank you for that, because there aren't many corners that allow people to feel seen and that it's okay to choose differently. Like you are very, very rare and that's enough nice stuff. Your head will get too big, so you're welcome.
Speaker 2:Bless your soul. If anybody wants to reach out after that glowing endorsement, I do have a couple of one-to-one spots opening next month.
Speaker 2:I do have a couple of one-to-one spots opening next month, but it is like I think that with these types of conversations it really is getting out of the I'm a victim to my circumstances and I'm at mercy of my circumstances. To like something that I really love doing. When I tell myself I can't do something because I've got little kids, or my husband works all the time, or I'm only in school because I've got little kids, or my husband works all the time, or I'm only in school hours or whatever, like little stories, I want to spin myself that you know, to not do the thing that's scaring me at that point in time. We call that cock blocking. Yes, it is, it is. Even when you are aware of it, it still can be a bit of a cock block. So you know you're only human.
Speaker 2:I'm a very self-aware human and I still cock-block myself on the reg. But it's kind of like I love to go looking for proof that that's not true. So for me I'll go looking for, like somebody who has maybe three, four, five, six kids who runs a business and I'm like, okay, cool, well, if she can do it, how is she doing it? And it's not like she can do it. Yeah, it's not like if she can do it, I can do it.
Speaker 2:It's, how is she doing it? Like what do I need to clean up? Does she have better routines than me? Does she have better systems? Is she more effective with her time? Like is she, you know, putting locks on her phone? Is she eating better? Is she exercising better? Is she, does she have other support around? And like honestly, if you message somebody and ask them things like that, well, I give useless answers where I'm like I don't know. But I do know I could nut it out if I needed to and I'm so happy to do that if that would be helpful for anybody. But people are never going to be like oh my God, it away from me. If you come to me and say, oh my god, if you seem to manage your time so well and like I just like I really admire the way that you run your business, I'm like, oh my god, yes, let me tell you everything. Like yes, I'll help you, of course.
Speaker 2:I will because, like I think we just assume right. We're like, oh my god, no they're, they're never going to want to share those sorts of things. They're going to tell me to fuck off, like no, we'd be so honored. Like me, love me.
Speaker 3:Oh my goodness, thanks, yeah, sure it's important, though, like if, again, if one woman goes in a certain direction, that gives the next person permission to do the same, like that is the evidence, and you will find that people that are a few steps ahead of you on the journey whether it's only one, two, or they're so far away from you they're never going to, unless they're total assholes, and that can happen. But that's life, that's social media. They are always going to want what's best for you and, of course, they're going to love it. If you show interest and say, hey, how did you do this? They're going to help you, because if you blaze the path, you've opened it up for other people. So again, and social media is meant to be social I think we forget that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think a lot of it, especially if we're talking from a business capacity. I think a lot of it comes from like that scarcity mindset where people feel like, well, there's not enough clients for me, so I can't ask that person because they're not going to share their secrets, whereas I mean don't get me wrong, I have absolutely been like when I was doing sleep, it very much felt like that because I was consistently having to get new clients and it was exhausting. It was so exhausting I was having to onboard people all the time, whereas with what I do now, I'm fully booked most of the fucking time and I know that I can share everything with you, and you still can't be me and that's oh my gosh can we talk about that?
Speaker 3:can we open that up, like having like crossover clients? And are we allowed to talk about what you've just studied and what we did? Can we do that? Is that allowed? Yeah, yeah. Well, and for example, I refer so many people to Steph like friends.
Speaker 3:I think I'm working with like three of your friends, yeah, and they're like, oh my God, I'm working with Steph. And then on the third time I thought that bitch better give me some kind of referral code. I think I said that to you, which I'm totally joking, but I see what you do and then you do that for me. You send people my way and it's interesting because I think there's also this complex that there is not enough people.
Speaker 3:And when you said that you're starting to study Reiki again and you're asking for help and that's usually my bread and butter and moving into different things, but I didn't have one feeling of how dare she or she's going to take my clients, or I was like, fuck, yes, and we've been helping each other, like we need to stick together and do these things and there's more than enough clients for everyone. And the more you kind of I don't know get out of your own way and realize that you are serving other people, the easier it gets and you attract more like-minded people. I'm sick of that narrative too. I hate that kind of. This is mine and you can't do that and I'm not going to help you. Or gatekeeping that's so gross.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's a. I definitely understand where it comes from in terms of, like, the human psychology piece. If you haven't always had what you needed and all of the things like I definitely get the scarcity mindset. But yeah, I think the further along you get and the more comfortable you get with being you. But I know that people come to me simply because I am me, of course, and they vibe with the person that I am. They, you know, they vibe with the way that I speak. They vibe with all of that, and then there's a lot of people who are turned off by that. I wish you'd stop swearing. No, I fucking won't Fuck you.
Speaker 3:It's funny we both get that.
Speaker 2:That is an inside joke, for I've been told that so many times. People are like, oh my God, you swear too much and I'm like, okay, okay, turn us down, thank you. Yeah, that's fine, um, but yeah, it's like those sorts of pieces where, yeah, I can, I can tell you everything that I know and you are still not. You're like you can't take my essence. You can't take my essence. You can't take my experiences. You can't take my life. You can't take the way that I live.
Speaker 2:You can't take the person I'm married to. You can't take the personalities of my children. You can't take the people that raised me, the friends that I had, the friends that I have, like all of those sorts of things that you know, when we're talking nature versus nurture, it's 50 50. You can't take all that. But you also can't take who I am at my essence and who I like, the traits that I was born with, the beliefs that I hold, the values that I hold, and that all comes into this whole the same 24 hours in the day kind of thing, because you know, you can raise two kids exactly the same and one can have a phenomenal work ethic where they would just go, go, go, go, go, go, go and then the next one's like no couch potato, the next one's a projector I feel attacked.
Speaker 3:We need our energy. Okay, we need to do like short sprints, I know I I understand what you're saying completely and, again, that's something that I think we need to do a lot more work on with our children and this next generation is raising them to know their power, really believe in themselves and to know that their, like, uniqueness is special and it's not you versus them, you know, it's just. We all get to thrive, we all get to have enough and again, beliefs, situations, lived experience that that's something that we are already really focusing on with our children. We want them to be themselves and want them to love hard and be free and that sounds really hippie-ish, but you know what I'm saying. We want them to be themselves, loud and proud.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and like you, don't want to also turn them into little versions of you.
Speaker 3:Oh, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like this is what I believe in.
Speaker 2:This is yeah, this is what I do, and this is what I believe, and this is what I do and this is what I believe all of my good traits are.
Speaker 2:So you need to have those and none of the traits that are bad, because we know that kids are perfect little mirrors for all of the traits that we absolutely fucking hate about ourselves as a general rule, because they've got all of them, every single one of them, and they hear everything.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, it's exhausting and it's very, very triggering, but it's like all of those sorts of things. So, yeah, when you can like this is getting down to the nuts and bolts of who you are, what makes you work well, what your passions are, what's important to you, how you operate and this is stripping you right back to. It's not about what society thinks or your parents think, what your partner thinks, what your friends are doing. It's about what you want, and I genuinely believe that when you work out your 24 hours and what you want to fill those 24 hours with and bearing in mind, obviously, that when we've got children, we can't always necessarily fill it with exactly what we'd like to, but you know, tis the season but when you work out how you want to feel, that what fulfills you, what allows you to go to bed at the end of the day feeling proud and satisfied and fulfilled.
Speaker 3:That, my friends, is where the happiness is that's where it is and where you find out what you're actually capable of. That's where the magic is and you'll know when to push and when to pull and shedding that fear, shedding that scarcity, and going. This is who I am, this is what I want, this is what I want to feel and just fucking send it. But be so honest with yourself and like when you know who you are.
Speaker 2:Nobody can take that away from you, and it makes you so fucking rock solid and I know that a lot of people say things like that to me. They're like you just seem like such a solid human and I'm like it's because I know who I am and you can sit here and tell me that I'm wrong. You can sit here and tell me that I'm too much, I'm not enough, I do this wrong, I do that wrong and I do that wrong, and I know that that's simply your projection, because people are so intimidated by people who know who they are, or the people who never want to change are anyway. I think the people who want to change and want that are so attracted to it, which is perfect, because those are the. Those are the humans that I want in my world, the ones who are like I want to be like that too.
Speaker 2:I want to learn how to do that and, honestly, like it's not fucking difficult. It really isn't. In a lot of ways, it's okay. It sounds simple on paper. It's a lot of work. Yes, I will. I will acknowledge that. But, yeah, what are your 24 hours? What do you want them to look like? And don't sit here and fucking tell me oh but I've got kids, but I've got this, but I've got this, na na, na, na na. Okay, cool, that's cool, but like what's something small 15 minutes, 20 minutes, half an hour that you can plug in somewhere in your day to just get you a little bit closer to what that might look like, instead of going I can't do anything that I want to do. That's a fucking lie.
Speaker 3:In my world we call that a yeah, but, yeah, but and I get a lot of feedback around this. I'm very good at guiding people into the next level, whatever they want to do. I know that's very fluffy language, but if you want to get from A to B, I'll take you to B, but I'm going to have to give you a few love taps on the way through. But I cannot stand the yeah buts. Or you can give people a roadmap or it's like if you do A, b, c, d, they get to C and they go oh, I was a bit tired this day. Or you know. No, you have to want it and you have to choose that for yourself.
Speaker 3:And again, that's that radical honesty. It's being present, knowing what you want and who you are. And I know we haven't gotten to the energetics of that, but when you know who you are and where you're going, no one can fuck with that. No, like if you are in your divine, woo-woo, soul-led mission. I won't go down that path because people will think, okay, she's, she's actually mental, it's you know, it just unfolds for you and there's nothing more pure than knowing who you are. Like it's so special.
Speaker 2:It really is and it's something that so many people just they don't get. They just don't get it. They're like, if I get more money, if I get this, if I work less, if I have another baby, if my partner, just you know, starts listening, if my partner just starts helping, if I break up with them, if I, and it's just like waiting for this set of circumstances that they think are going to make them happy, and it's like, actually you are responsible for making the best of your circumstances, for not allowing yourself to die under the circumstances, and if the circumstances are not ideal, how can you change them?
Speaker 3:You get to choose. There are so many things and that's not to take away from things that are, you know, significant, whether it's mental health or things that are, so, you know, devastating, but every day you have a choice. You get to choose. You get to say yes, you get to say no, you get to enforce boundaries, even if it's painful, but, at your core, if you realize that your time is precious and you know where you're going and who you want to be. I know I keep saying the same thing over and over, but it is that simple, you know. Choose yourself over and over and over, set out your time accordingly, be the best version of yourself, and if people don't like it, that's okay, you don't have to take them with you.
Speaker 2:Be the best version of yourself and if people don't like it, that's okay, you don't have to take them with you. Yeah, totally. And like I don't know about you, sal, but I would never want people listening to think that you know, we're just sitting here being like, oh yeah, you just need, it's just that easy. Like this was me. I was the victim, I was that bitch who was sitting there being like I can't do that because I've got kids and poor me and my husband's never here. And, like you know, I just like, oh, that was me, a hundred percent. And one day I was like you know what, enough, like I'm annoying myself. You have to be sick of your own shit. I was so sick of my own shit and as a general rule, sometimes I still am, but guilty a lot, a lot less, but I definitely call myself out a lot still.
Speaker 2:But I have managed to go from the I like the yeah, but the yeah, but that won't work for me to okay, cool, how can I fit this to make this work for me? Like if that particular thing I I can, I can look at something and go, that's not going to fit in my box. I can see that the shape of that will not fit. But I can manipulate it and change it and chop that bit off and move that bit over there and you know Tetris it. So it will fit in my box if I want it to, and I can also go like that's not for me, I don't want that in my box at all. That can go in your box. If that's so important to you, you can store it in there. I have no interest in storing it in my box.
Speaker 3:Yeah, throw that right back over the fence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my box is full of things that I want it to be full of. It's heavy and I have to carry it. And if I'm carrying it and if I'm exerting all of that effort, I sure as shit want to make sure that that box has what I want in it, not what everybody else wants, or not what everybody else is telling me that I should want. So that kind of ended up a bit of a I feel like it was like a loving, loving pep talk.
Speaker 3:I think that was just one of our normal conversations that we seem to have recorded and are going to put out into the world. So, um, yeah, good luck to us, yeah we'll see, we'll see.
Speaker 2:We'll see how that goes. Um, if you would love to find sal, she is mainly on instagram. Um, she's blooming by, or blooming underscore by, sal noonan. I will put her handle into the show notes if you would like to give her a follow and, yes, if you love reiki, woo, woo. But also the bitch slaps, because Sal does call him out a little bit like me.
Speaker 3:I'm just getting started. You know, when I grow up, I'm going to be you. That's scary, isn't?
Speaker 2:it.
Speaker 2:A little bit, but you can find her there, sal. Thank you for joining me. It was super, super fun. I feel like we don't get to do this anywhere near as much as what I would like to, but if you have enjoyed this episode, please feel free to either drop into our DMs, share it on your socials. That helps us to reach more people, which helps us to help more people and get these messages out there that it really is like being happy is a choice, it's a choice, and that's as simple as it is. But again, thank you so much for joining us and we will see you next week, thank you. Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1:We've absolutely loved being here with you today, and if you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it, please leave a review or drop into our DMs. We would love to hear from you.