Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
#36 - Relationships Get To Be Really Simple with Relationship Coach Paige Lousie
Ever wondered why you keep repeating the same relationship patterns despite knowing better? Relationship therapist Paige Louise joins Lurinda to unravel the invisible threads that connect our past wounds to our current partnerships.
Paige shares her powerful journey from being trapped in generational cycles of toxic relationships to becoming the empowered woman who helps others break free. After becoming pregnant at 16 and enduring years in a relationship marked by infidelity, she discovered the transformative power of self-responsibility. Her revelation? The moment we stop blaming others and start owning our choices is when genuine healing begins.
Through vulnerable storytelling, both hosts and Paige explore how our protective mechanisms—the very armor that once kept us safe—often becomes our biggest barrier to genuine connection. Steph's metaphor of removing relationship armor only to reveal "infected wounds" underneath perfectly captures why many of us experience mental health challenges when finally feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with someone trustworthy.
The conversation delves into practical relationship wisdom: how "if he loved me, he would..." thinking sabotages potential happiness, why directly asking for what you need builds genuine intimacy, and how treating yourself with respect naturally elevates how others treat you. They challenge the notion that personal development must look identical for both partners, offering reassurance that growth happens differently for everyone.
Perhaps most powerful is their exploration of survival beliefs versus limiting beliefs—reframing our protective patterns as adaptations that once served us rather than flaws to be ashamed of. As Paige beautifully concludes, "You're not the problem, you're not broken... relationships provide us with opportunities to grow, but we have to be willing to lean in."
Ready to transform your relationship by first transforming your relationship with yourself? Start with just five minutes daily dedicated to self-connection. Subscribe now to continue this journey of authentic relationship healing.
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Expression of interest
Welcome to Unhinged and Unfiltered. Who Gave them a Mic? We're your hosts, steph and Lorinda.
Speaker 2:Warning getting triggered is not only accepted, but encouraged here. This podcast will dive deep into conversations that make you really think about life. No top level BS here.
Speaker 1:Where real women get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it. We dive into the messy, beautiful and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Speaker 2:Tune in for unfiltered conversations, practical tips and tools that actually work and are easily applied, and a whole lot of laughs as we navigate the ups and downs of being a woman together hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of unhinged and unfiltered.
Speaker 1:And today we actually have a really beautiful guest and honestly, I could talk about her forever because we've never, never, actually met in person. But from the moment that I dm'd her I think I dm'd you first yeah, it has been like this instant connection. And I feel like there's been an instant connection because we have such similar stories and values and I just feel like she instantly brings all of her to every conversation, to all of the content, to all of her stories, and that actually makes me feel really safe with her because I'm like I'm not seen in any fakeness or her being a fraud or her intention is so pure and I just love the magic that she brings. So, once again, I knew that I would fucking do this.
Speaker 1:This is Paige, everybody Paige is. She was a relationship coach for couples and now she mainly moves into the work with women because she was seeing very similar patterns and when she came into the shadow haven, we actually got so much value information from her and my membership loved just sitting there and listening to all these pieces and listening to a woman, like a woman, talk and go wow, I'm actually not alone in this. It's not just me feeling the same way and also moving past the shame that we have in relationships and the beliefs and the stories. So, paige, even though I've kind of given a rundown quickly, who are you in like everyday life as well as coach?
Speaker 3:yeah, okay. So firstly, thank you, that was beautiful. Um, so so lovely to receive the feedback as well from um you know the Shadowhaven call as well. Um, so I, I'm Paige and um I, so, okay, I have four children. It's a very blended family, um, so two kids to one dad, uh, a stepdaughter and then my current partner and I. We have a daughter together as well, so it's big, crazy, busy.
Speaker 3:Um, and obviously, as you mentioned, like I, I call myself a relationship therapist. I'm a qualified counselor. It's just just easier to say relationship therapist. People get it, um, but absolutely my kind of clientele tend to be women.
Speaker 3:But I have spent the last year in particular working with couples, which I've learned a lot from, and the reason that I've shifted to more women anyway, other than I naturally seem to attract them, obviously because I also have a vagina, so like I get women, yeah, um, but also, yeah, I really noticed a common thread how we as women struggle, and I think it comes back to many things, because very little in life is actually black and white. But I think one of the key things is we aren't role modelled, like accountability, you know, like taking responsibility for our lives and our relationship. I think it was a really big piece there in particular, and how, when we can start to do that, there are like organic shifts that happen in the relationship, whether your partner does the work, so to speak, or not, and it's because I actually went to a relationship counselor with my partner and she basically turned around and said, well, you know, you're the problem and and I was like what, to be fair, the way she went about things, I would do differently. However, it was what I actually needed to hear. Uh, it was a very humbling experience, but I'm very grateful for it regardless, even though I cried for like two days straight afterwards. Um, there were definitely things my partner could have worked on and has worked on, but that's kind of been more with my guidance.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, it was confronting, but I was then able to start looking at myself differently. I stopped blaming, I stopped being a victim, and the reason that I was a victim was because I'd watched my mom do it and because then I was in a relationship that replicated my mom's, where I was cheated on for almost eight years and, uh, it was a very tumultuous, toxic relationship. Um, I didn't mention, but I actually felt pregnant at 16. Um, to this I was gonna say man, but he was a boy, I was a girl, like I was about to say like 16 is so young yeah, we're still babies.
Speaker 3:Um, so, yeah, I think it was like a month before I felt pregnant. He cheated on me. I left for two weeks then, just so desperate to be loved, right, and my and my mum did the same thing. She just kept going back. So, even in that like I had to get to a point where I needed to realise that, whilst I didn't deserve to be cheated on the fact that I stayed you know that saying of fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. You know how many times it would just happen over and, over and over again. I had to realise and take ownership for the fact that I was sticking around yeah, you know what?
Speaker 1:that's actually a huge point that you you get to a point where you get really friendly with that, and that's the same thing yeah.
Speaker 1:Matt and I were like extremely toxic before we separated. And the thing is, I stayed and it wasn't until, I think someone said that to me and they're like, well, you stayed and because I was doing the whole of like, oh my god, it was him and yeah, he was super toxic and all of the things, and they're like, but but didn't you stay, didn't you go back? Because, uh, what a lot of people actually don't know is we, in that first part of our relationship, we actually separated for like three fucking days, right, yeah, and no one really knew, but we actually separated and then we got back together and like, I got back together with him knowing that nothing was going to change. Yeah, yeah, I just didn't. I just didn't want to be left alone and I loved this man and so I went back knowing that nothing was going to change yeah, but that's it right, is it like that's?
Speaker 3:it's almost we, we in my um experience, I stayed there because I didn't believe I was worthy of more. Yeah, and the reason that I actually, from my experience, the reason I actually ended up leaving, was because I was actually in in a like a sexuality certification thing that I was journeying Right and you had to look inwards, you had to look, you know, dig up all the trauma, lift the rug up, you know, and you had to look at yourself really hard in the mirror. And so I actually started to shift, you know the worthiness that I felt and and the beliefs and all of that shit that was keeping me small and stuck and powerless in this relationship, and I finally started to shift that part of me that was like this is all I deserve. And then that, you know, it wasn't like there was a specific moment where suddenly everything just switched and I was like, oh, I can see clearly, but it was obviously this gradual, you know, change over time and literally at the very end of that certification is when I turned around and said I'm done, yeah, and I think that's a prime example of why doing the quote-unquote inner work and I know it's cliche and probably overused and boring now, but you can't like run away from the fact that it's real, yeah, and that the more that we can take ownership, the greater our lives will be. And it doesn't mean even that you're meant to stay in the relationship. I mean, that's the hope, that's, you know, often the goal, but it doesn't mean that that is actually what's best for you and your partner, you know.
Speaker 3:But it is about, I think, excavating the, the beliefs, the thoughts, the, the trauma, the baggage that keeps us, you know, small, contained in these cycles of. He's the problem, he's the problem, when in actual fact, that's not denying you know that they don't have things to work on. But what are you allowing? Where are you not upholding boundaries? Where are you not saying no, enough is enough? Or maybe it's the opposite and maybe it's actually softening, maybe it's letting down the walls and saying, hey, you know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I projected, I'm sorry that I reacted when I was in a triggered state.
Speaker 3:You know, it's like it's not black and white, and I think that's why too many of us spend too long trying to figure it out on our own, like, yeah, but I read some podcasts or I listen to this podcast and you know and it might be supportive and maybe it is the thing that I don't know changes your relationship, changes your life, but I think we spend too long just waiting for some magic pill or like, yeah, just some you know moment where everything shifts and changes and a miracle occurs, but it's so rarely that that happens and it doesn't. That doesn't build resilience right. We need we need resilience, emotional, mental resilience to kick ass at life in our relationship too. I think we need it to trust ourselves, to trust that we're not going to abandon ourselves when we are treated poorly or we, you know, are yelled at and or whatever it is you know yeah, and you said something a little bit earlier that I'm like this is so interesting.
Speaker 1:I would love to know how many women have come to you with the fear that if they do the work, their relationship will fall apart do you know?
Speaker 3:it's so funny? You asked me that because even I no one's actually ever said those words to me. But my experience when I started this sexuality course, I remember and I have a shit memory but I remember this going. I really hope this is the thing that saves our relationship. But I knew Lorinda, I knew we were done.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I knew it in some part of me was like, nah, this can't go on anymore, I can't do this. Like to my kids. Like we had two kids, I had a son and a daughter. Like what was? Was I role modeling to my daughter? What I want her to repeat the same cycle I just did with my mum?
Speaker 1:and like, no, you know, yeah it's so funny because I've actually had so many experiences with women alike. But if I do the work, my relationship will fall apart and I'm like this is so interesting because you even use the word self-abandonment and I'm like that, right, there is the perfect picture of self-abandonment if I work on myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my relationship will fall apart and it's interesting because that was also role reverse for me. I remember actually saying to Matt before we separated so Matt has started to do some personal development and I funny. So now that I'm sitting here in this personal development world as a coach, I thought personal development was fucking stupid, of course, like I grew up with the belief, like I'm from small town and so like you don't go to therapy. It's like have a cup of concrete, like you know, get over it, kind of thing. And when he started doing this personal development challenge, it was like this 60 day challenge where you had to like journal every day, you had to exercise every day, you had to eat healthy and you had to, um, have a cold shower every morning and it's very simple, like these beautiful.
Speaker 1:What I now know is like regulation and like yeah, yeah. But I just thought it was full of shit and I just remember he's like do you want to do this with me? And I was like no, no, I do not. And I remember saying to him well, you're doing a lot of this work on yourself and I can see that you're growing and that whatnot? What happens if you outgrow me, yeah, and I had the fear that the more work he would do, the more, and in my head it was just like, oh, he just wants to, you know, run away from me. But in my body it it was like I'm so unworthy.
Speaker 1:If he continues to grow, he will see that I am not good enough and he will go find somebody better. Yeah, yeah. And it's just so interesting to see that dynamic play out with so many people, because I knew our relationship was fucking shit. Yeah, and I'm watching this going. Oh, instead of the mindset of, okay, I'm gonna go do my own personal development or I could do this with you, no, no, I'm gonna stay in this position, because I know that if I stay in this position, I know the outcome we're okay. If we stay in this spot of not growing, of not moving, our relationship will stay the same and at least we're together.
Speaker 3:So, okay, I want to ask you what was your greatest fear, though? Right, so like at the core of all of that? If he were to grow, and if you know you were, this situation were to have changed, what was the worst case scenario for you?
Speaker 1:The abandonment piece. What was the worst case scenario for you?
Speaker 3:The abandonment piece, and so it really highlights, right, how we try to avoid discomfort at all costs, and so if we stay in situations that are predictable, familiar, then we don't have to fear discomfort, and even that's why people stay in domestic violent relationships, because it is predictable. Yes, it's chaotic and scary and like, we know all of this at a base level, but it goes beyond that, right, otherwise we wouldn't see the statistics that we see. Yeah, you know, because the fact remains is that I again, like I don't believe it's just one thing, I think it is really multi-layered, but I do believe that often there is an element of my nervous system is familiar with this yeah, and it's like familiarity and predictability is safe absolutely, you know, right, like how chaotic it was and how shifting.
Speaker 3:Well, so mine was a literal different relationship, right? So one guy who was incredibly disloyal, gaslit the crap out of me and was a compulsive liar to a man that is probably literally the polar opposite, and unfortunately, I still had my baggage strapped on my back and I wasn't letting it go. Yeah, even though I was like, oh, I don't want to be like this anymore, my nervous system was like, uh-huh, honey, this is our safety net, this is what we know. So I created chaos and it wasn't until that counselor was like oh, honey, you got a lot of work to do after doing the work for like four years that I was like oh, oh, doki cue Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1:It's me, hi, I'm the problem um, yeah, it's so funny and it's like part of the reason I feel like I've also shifted into talking more about relationships as well is because my biggest thing is healing the relationship to yourself will heal the relationships around you, because we we do bring baggage, whether it's a different relationship or the same relationship, so fun story. Um, so when I actually met Matt, I was living with an ex-boyfriend, right Right, and we'd probably been separated for like two weeks. And I like.
Speaker 1:My beautiful pattern is that I probably wasn't single for very long. Right, I hated being alone. Fucking hated it.
Speaker 3:All I've known is relationship life. Sick from 15, so I'm right there with your sister, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's probably why it was so hard when we separated, because dating as a, which we can definitely talk about, but like dating as a single mom, was fucking hard. So that was a big transition for me, because I went from like relationship to relationship to relationship to nothing. Yeah, yeah, and like I brought in the baggage from all of my relationships because I was jumping and because, like, my first relationship was extremely toxic, um, and I brought so much baggage from that because that was the, the mindset of, oh, this is what a relationship's meant to be. Yeah, yeah, because because everyone was just like, oh yeah, you guys look really happy, and even my, when we separated, my parents were like you guys should go to relationship counseling. We were like fucking 18 at the time, by the way, yeah, yeah. And so I'm like oh, okay, I'm in the wrong, because everyone has been like well, you know, you've been treated really well. Why would you not go back?
Speaker 1:and so that was instantly of like, oh okay, that's how you get treated. And then the worst part about that is that's also how I treated people in relationships. Yeah, I'm definitely not going to sit here and be like, oh, I'm the only, like you know, I've been in abusive relationships or whatnot, and it's only them. I had this feeling and this pattern of I'm going to hurt you before you even get the chance to hurt me. Yep, exactly, and so the interesting dynamic, the reason that I felt so drawn to Matt is because he has a very strong personality and also like so he's like nine, ten years older than me.
Speaker 1:Essentially, this man will just put me in my place right, and I needed that because I was a very dominant like personality. Like the last relationship before matt, I have actually messaged him and apologized for being that way, because I've literally tore this man down, because I was like I've been torn down for so long that I'm not gonna do that. So, before you even get the chance to hurt me, I'm gonna make sure you know your place right protection, yeah. So then, like being in that relationship with matt, I'd already brought all of that baggage in right. And then I, yeah, you already had that armor on before.
Speaker 3:You were like I am well equipped, I've got my swords.
Speaker 1:I don't even know what other weapon my guns, my, my my armor, my shield, everything I'm ready for you but then the problem was is I met Matt, and because he was such a dominant personality, I was like, oh, I can let go, but the thing is I wasn't ready to be taken care of, yep, and so it was a real shock to my system.
Speaker 3:Well, that's like the ultimate surrender right Like, oh, especially going, you know, get into it with your armour and everything, and then being like, oh, I'll just take it all off, no worries.
Speaker 1:If only it were that simple yeah, and the problem is, as I was taking this armor off, it was like I'm such a visual thinker, I'm like me too, and I was also like my guilty pleasure is anime. So I'm like, yeah, so I'm like imagining this like warrior, and as I'm taking off the armor, all of the scars are there and because I haven't been, you know, treated, they're infected.
Speaker 3:That's the image that I have.
Speaker 1:I've got all these infected wounds, and so I actually went through a severe mental health drop, like so bad that the first, probably like nine months of our relationship when we moved to Queensland so we're probably three months in so that last nine months of that year I didn't get out of bed. Yeah, wow, like I literally like I would get out of bed to go to work. I was at home yeah, I was at home, and Matt would still have to come home and cook dinner and take care of the kids because I physically just couldn't get out of bed. I was so depressed and I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't understand mental health and and you weren't receiving support at the time.
Speaker 3:No, I, I was not in therapy, right, so that's yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so nothing, and I didn't believe in therapy or personal development. It wasn't until I rang my sister-in-law one day and I said so I'm hearing voices. Okay, wow, my inner thoughts were so loud of like you may as well, and this is.
Speaker 1:I never realized how dark we were going to go down here but, like I remember laying in that bed and being like I'm done, yeah, I'm just absolutely done with life, like if my thoughts have been like you may as well just fucking end this now. And so then I obviously got taken to a mental health hospital and stayed there for a few days, and the thing about person development is you have to be fucking honest. Yes, so I actually left that mental health hospital still pretty fucking bad, but I wanted to get home. So I was like, yeah, I'm fine, like I don't have any thoughts, my mental health is good. And I was faking it. Yes, so fucking hard. And the thing is, all of those relationship baggage and wounds were still there and Matt and I fell pregnant a few months later and then we just tried to keep that going and it wasn't until we separated where I was like I'm going to have to clean my own fucking wounds, I have to clean this up, because now I have a son.
Speaker 3:Were you single for a while. Like did you end up like after? Because aren't you separated for a while? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I did date somebody in that time and he was. He was a great guy. Was he ready for a relationship? No, was he ready for a relationship with a child? No, and I could see what that like what he gave me right and it was just love and affection and it wasn't responsibility, and we probably I don't think I dated him until like months and months.
Speaker 3:So but you did just how you went from relationship to relationship. You broke that pattern. That's why why I asked I was just curious, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And we didn't like we didn't live together or we didn't like see each other every single day, like it wasn't an instant. I was very much like that, like that hopeless romantic of like yeah, cool, I'm going to go straight into all of this and balls to the walls, kind of thing. But I just was like okay, cool, I can see my shit playing out here yeah and because of COVID.
Speaker 1:The other thing that obviously happens with separation is and co-parenting is because you still see that person and the problem, the thing the the gift of COVID for me was I didn't see that yeah even though that was also a burden on Logan, and so when we communicated, it had to be over text message or on phone call, and if one of us started to arc up nine times out of ten it was me then we would end the call, finish it and just walk away. So you can see how your past relationships do shape your future relationships.
Speaker 3:And the thing is too, it's not even just relationships, it might even be what we've watched as children too. Right, like that's what I watched, literally my ex spitting image, personality, wise and whatever, and behavioral, behaviorized like my my now ex stepdad. Yeah, like it was creepy. The connection and now my current partner is there are definitely like threads and similarities between my biological dad and him. How interesting. It's very interesting, and this doesn't always happen, but there I have had clients where there are these, these patterns, where we end up with people that are like our dad or whatever, you know, mums or um.
Speaker 3:So it's, it's can. I can almost be like, oh, what's the saying? This isn't a word, but kind of like it could. It can be an indicator of what to expect for ourselves, right, which is why it was so important for me to do something about it, because I saw this generational pattern playing out in myself and having now I have three daughters, so I feel a little more no pressure, but it was imperative that I did something about it and also, to be really, really honest, it wasn't the thing that made me leave. It was actually the very long story. Short is, we were in a rope and relationship for the second time and I was actually seeing seeing, if you want to call it that a guy and he kind of opened up my eyes to what could be something, and in hindsight it was a little bit better not a lot better, but at the time I was like whoa this guy.
Speaker 3:In hindsight he wasn't that great, but it kind of, yeah, yeah, showed me what was possible and it also played a factor. Right, like, this is my daughter I don't want her to to go through this as well um, and then, yeah, that alongside obviously doing the, the inner work really was just, you know, and again, like it's, it's really just one thing. It's so life is so multi-layered, yeah, but I was taking action outside of the open relationship and whatnot, to try and change things, even though I knew it was going to end poorly, you know. So, um, yeah, it's, I think, really vital that we start getting to know ourselves better and to really start noticing our protective mechanisms, and because that is where we can start to take ownership. You know, I see a lot of women that come to me and they rattle off a list of things that partner isn't or isn't doing.
Speaker 3:You know things they're not happy with and I'll ask them. So did you ask them to? You know, do what you want for them? Did you ask, uh, did you communicate? You didn't like this or that you wanted more of this? Or you know, oh, no, but like he knows me well enough now. Or I hear a lot of, but like he knows me well enough now, or I hear a lot of but like if he loved me he would, you know whatever? Fill in the blank.
Speaker 3:And that is and I think the tricky part is right with that kind of mentality is that we can spend our whole lives doing it and it's considered acceptable in life, in society, of course, if he loved you. You know this idea of this fairy tale, this fantasy that our love life will look like. You know the books or the movies that we watch, but real life is not like that. It just isn't. So we need to be really open to the fact that relationships can be challenging and just because they don't look or feel even like the way you want them to doesn't mean it's not for you.
Speaker 3:It might mean I mean potentially many things, but it might mean you need to take a good look in the mirror. It might mean you need to have a hard, vulnerable conversation where you aren't going well, you didn't do this, but you go. Actually, I'm feeling really hurt. I'm feeling really, you know, insecure instead of being like oh, I don't know, like, because obviously I was cheated on, right, so I was incredibly insecure and and, frankly, I still have my moments, but that's all they really are. Now are moments, whereas that was my life, that was my life, but you know, I don't know if I thought because you know if you look for it, you find it right.
Speaker 3:So I was like oh, my partner, you know my current partner, oh, he's cheating on me. He's being really suspicious with his phone because my name would literally go to the bathroom, toilet, everywhere with his phone attached to him, right, because there was a lot of snapchat, cheating and all that fun stuff. Um, so you know my partner and like my partner has snapchat my current one. So that was a big like for me to. I'm like why, why do you even need snapchat? If you loved me, you wouldn't have snapchat. And he's really had to.
Speaker 3:Very similar to your partner, right, where he's just like um, it's not a problem for me, like, get over it, that kind of like. It's not like that, but it's just sort of like, yeah, wrong with life, it's not a big deal, but I'm like screaming, but it's a big deal to me. If you love me, you delete it. And so I've had to really learn how to put my ego aside and try and put myself in his shoes and be open to his perspective, because my perspective is not the only one. Yeah, and I've had to, you know, be very mindful that what I focus on. Oh, he quickly moved his phone away when I sat next to him. No, no, no, no, that was a coincidence, paige, like it has nothing to do with you. I mean it. It could be a million things, but if I was, you know, if I was looking for it, it would be evidence that he's cheating on me. But instead I'm very intentional about no, it's evidence that he's a human being and shit happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so interesting and I think bringing that back to there's been a lot of, I guess, social media and like what we do about the ownership piece and for me, the reason that it's about you and that working on yourself will change your relationship, because the more that you treat yourself with respect, the more that you uphold your own boundaries, the more that you connect back to yourself. That shows them the standard that they need to treat you and two things are going to happen.
Speaker 1:One, they've got their own shit going to come up, which means they're not going to be able to hold that, or two, they step up.
Speaker 1:And I have noticed this a lot, which is why I talk about it, because the other day I had to have like a really hard conversation with Matt just about how I was feeling Like it was my own stuff, and I was just like, hey, I just don't really feel like our relationship's a priority, because in life, like Matt's, at uni, he has a full-time job, I have business, I have kids, we have a lot going on in our personal lives right now and the first thing that falls away tends to be the relationship Totally.
Speaker 1:It definitely does. And so I had to be like, hey, I feel this way and I had to be comfortable with saying that. Know that I'm probably going to get a reaction, but it's the stance that I hold myself in right, because I would not lie to myself, I would respect myself. So the way that I treat myself is showing up in my relationship. Because he's going, oh, I can't walk all over her, oh, I can't not give her an answer. Oh, she's coming to me and I know that she's coming to me because this is important to her, because I used to be a huge nagger right, everything.
Speaker 1:I would just bring everything up and I'd be super annoying. But now I'm like actually, is this a problem? And I can self-soothe myself, I can regulate myself. So when I'm coming to you, it means that I'm coming to you with something serious. It means that I'm coming to you and I want you to listen, because I'm listening to my own needs and that kind of shows up in my relationship. It is a mirror. The way that you treat yourself is the way that your relationship will flow as well, and I.
Speaker 1:My biggest thing and I even said it on Instagram the other day is I want you to love yourself as much as you love your partner, because you're giving everything to that partner. You're expecting so much. So what are you able to give yourself? Are you able to regulate, so that way, if your man needs you, you can co-regulate with him? Are you able to take care of yourself and actually go? Hey, we haven't had a date night for a while and you book it, so that way, next time he goes cool, she's booked that one, so it's my turn.
Speaker 3:Yeah, or you ask I've said enough. Anna, can you book a date night please? I want you to take the reins. Yeah, ask yeah, and literally, like I said, if he loves me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I actually said that. I said to Matt I've actually booked the last couple of ones because I just don't think about it and so, like I literally got a calendar, invite the next day.
Speaker 3:So this is the thing too right. It's like men are from Mars and women are from Venus, Like we are a different species.
Speaker 3:Okay, I don't care what anyone says. We process differently. We think different. Men tend to think in a very black and white way. Women are so deep and we pull everything apart, it's all very intricate.
Speaker 3:So men just you know, and like there are so many factors as to why they didn't think to do xyz, whatever you want, you know, whatever it might be, there is. So there could be so many things. But instead we go to assuming, and the problem with assumptions is that they are not based often, in fact yeah, and so it gets messy. And then from assumptions we twist, we make it mean something it isn't and all of a sudden we're in this massive argument and then your partner's like what the fuck? What? How did we? I mean you're probably both like how did we get here when in fact, fact, if you had have just gotten curious and asked questions and gotten their perspective, like why do you? You know, like it's a vulnerable thing to be, like I was feeling, you know I was really sick this is just an example I was really sick and like I made it clear that I was feeling sick. Why didn't you think to I don't know offer to cook dinner? So it's like he could have offered or just done it and I could have asked.
Speaker 3:And when we get caught up in this right or wrong, we're like, well, he should have and I should have, or whatever it is. That's when we have problems, because you're not coming from a place of love, you're not coming from a place of, you know, accountability, ownership. It's just trying to be, you know, to place blame, to place fault, so we don't need to be vulnerable, we don't have to look inwards and go okay, what am I feeling? What has this brought up for me? What has this triggered? Yeah, and so it's, it's so imperative that we learn to catch ourselves.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know that slippery slope of all right, and this is the thing, right, I can bring um situations up with my partner or discuss how I'm feeling, and and it's not even because I think he's done anything quite wrong or you know, it's just. I just want to have a conversation and that's what I'll say to him, like, because he tends to nowadays. I used to be very defensive and I would definitely arc up a bit and whatever, but he tends to be more defensive now and will take things a bit more personally than I sometimes intend. And now I'll just say to him babe, like I just want to have a conversation, that's it. Yeah, because that's all it should be, that's all it needs to be a conversation, that's it, because that's all it should be, that's all it needs to be a conversation where we can, you know, continuously try and place the ego aside, the need to be right and to choose, you know, realize that love, that's the goal.
Speaker 3:Love is more important than being right. This relationship is more important than being right, because that's when you will come to resolution, that's when you will find connection, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy. It's in the vulnerability and in the hey can we have a talk. I'm feeling blah, blah, blah yeah, it's so, so interesting.
Speaker 1:Hey, relationships are funny. I think the other piece that I want to speak to as well is that it's okay to feel like they should, that they should just do it, because, as women, like we have a big responsibility piece that comes out very naturally. I work with a lot of women who have an over-responsibility shadow, like, and I think it's, it's beautiful, and you're probably listening and being like oh, but I do ask. Okay, sometimes you're gonna have to ask and ask again, and my biggest thing is I would rather ask and not miss out on time with him.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the thing is because if you don't ask and he doesn't do, then you guys are not having time together and that's a really good point, right, because I women say I have asked and maybe like, oh, my gosh, I don't know why, but when my partner holds my face, it makes me like melt, okay, like into a puddle. If I'm angry, just touch my face and everything would disappear, right, it's just something about his hands on my face, and I've communicated this with him many, many times, right, I've been very clear, and he's not very good at doing it, he just doesn't think to do it. So now I'll literally grab his hand and put it on my face and he'll be like, oh, and then he'll put the other one on, or you know, sometimes it's like pick your fucking battles.
Speaker 3:Yeah, truly, and because I could very easily slip into. Well, I've communicated this, I could very easily slip into. Well, I've communicated this. I tick, tick, tick. I've ticked all the boxes, I've done all the quote-unquote right things. So now it's his fault, or he's the problem, or he doesn't love me, or whatever story I make up. I know that he loves me. I know it's not because he cares. He just doesn't think of it. He's got to start a new, a new you know habit or whatever. You know.
Speaker 1:it's like we are so quick to place blame and make them the bad guy because, again, we want to keep ourselves safe yeah, and I was literally telling a story before we jumped on about how I literally jumped into the blame game so fucking quick the other day. So, uh, I was, um, wanting to have a shower with Matt. We don't shower together very often one because he's six foot five and takes up a lot of the fucking room and I'm five foot three. So, um, who's winning that challenge? Not me anyway.
Speaker 1:So I asked him to jump into the shower with me and, obviously, just like he's working big hours at the moment, he he's also at uni and he's dealing with a lot of different pieces. And I was just like, can you have a shower with me? And he was like instantly, like yep. And I was just like, well, you haven't showered with me in like a really long time and I would really like it. And I went instantly to this is what you're not doing, right, like you're getting annoyed at me for me, asking just to jump in the shower once for me.
Speaker 1:But you, you just went on the defensive over something so incredibly small. So, when he came in, ended up jumping in the shower with me and I just said I just wanted to be really clear, like I'm actually so sorry. And he's like looked at me funny and I'm like I didn't realize how defensive I had gotten straight away, right? Because I said to you can you have a shower? And you didn't look like you wanted to. You're tired. Why am I bringing up the past experience for the present moment?
Speaker 3:can I ask you then? So yeah, when he was, like you know, reacted inside and whatever, and you got reactive and defensive, why? What were you feeling?
Speaker 1:That I was not a priority yeah and did you feel rejected or you know like.
Speaker 1:I have a big piece around rejection and it's so interesting because that piece comes from like a lot of different pieces, but it's mainly the feeling like around intimacy.
Speaker 1:So for a long time I wasn't initiating any intimacy because I didn't want to hear the word no, because in previous relationships we've always had such like a high libido. Now we have children and unfortunately we run on different schedules. Like I'm more of a nighttime person, he's not a nighttime person like for that kind of stuff. So yeah, I've stopped initiating for a long time and so that rejection piece comes up more in the intimacy. When it's that quality time it's more of the I'm too much because I'm more of a physical touch kind of gal where he's an acts of service. So for a long time I felt a lot of shame about being a physical touch because I think that ties in with that anxious attachment. I feel a lot of shame about being the anxious attachment because we're emotional. I feel a lot of shame about being a physical touch because that makes me feel needy yeah, and I've done a lot of work around that.
Speaker 1:But in that moment it was like are you kidding me? You do everything for everybody else and I'm asking for something that is so simple and it's a reaction. But in his perspective it's like cool, I actually am not ready to shower yet. Like he had told me, he was going up to the gym to work on the car. Like I said, he had told me that he was going to have a shower later and so in his mind is like why would I have two showers?
Speaker 3:yeah, and and it makes it like again. So if you just asked and got curious and got his perspective on things right, you wouldn't have needed to have gotten taken it so personally. And I think the reason often we don't ask for things is because, I mean, again, it depends on, like, our own wounding and stuff. Is it a fear of rejection or, you know, not being good enough, et cetera. But it's also vulnerable to ask, because what if you're not eager to do it? What if you don't say yes? Well, you know like to ask to have our needs met is difficult, there's no two ways about it. We know that. That's why we don't ask, we don't believe we're worthy or good enough, et cetera. But the reality is, is that sometimes one? We build resilience, I think, right If we're placed in situations like like, for example, like you were placed in an opportunity and I use the word opportunity a lot with my clients because it is that's what it is right, even when it doesn't feel good, even when it's not the outcome you expect or want.
Speaker 3:It's an opportunity to grow, to learn, to build your ability to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Yeah, you know, and often we will lash out and project uh, because it we don't have to feel what we like. What's beneath the initial reaction? Right, it's like so, beneath your oh, you know, projecting onto him was actually I'm not feeling. What did you say? Again like a priority, like a priority? I'm not feeling like a priority and that doesn't feel good, does it?
Speaker 1:no, I want to be taken care of yeah. I want all of the things, but and I love the word in his own way. Yeah, and he does. And this is the other thing, that, like there's two pieces here, one. I love the thing that you used about opportunity because for me I could have just left it right.
Speaker 1:I could have just like on the show I'm like yep cool, but I actually wanted to to voice that you could have also stewed on it and spiraled like oh fuck yeah, don't do that, people, but I I wanted to take that moment to say something to him because, one, I wanted to take ownership of my shit, because I can see it, and when I see it you can't unsee it.
Speaker 1:And two, because I wanted him to know that I don't blame him yeah like connection right yeah, and I think, like I work mainly with women and when I speak to the women about what their husbands say, it's always like it feels like I'm not doing good enough. Yep, yep, yep. And I just wanted to make sure that he knew that it wasn't actually a him thing, it was a me thing, right, because we could have planned for another night to do that totally and now I had a second piece and my brain has like fried so hard but but the spiral piece is so interesting because I literally like for so long was that person I?
Speaker 3:I still am. Sometimes I have to catch myself and be like nope, distraction my thing. Distraction works really well for me yeah, and you know what?
Speaker 1:there's actually such a beautiful thing about the coping mechanism, because our body, like using a coping mechanism for a long period of time, is obviously not healthy. But but in that moment it's actually so beautiful because you go, okay, I'm actually not ready to feel this, I don't have the capacity to feel this or to unpack this, and so there's a duality of the coping mechanism, because you're like, yep, cool, in that moment I could have used a distraction, but I actually was serving me because we had space to talk about it. If we didn't have space to talk about it, because I am a spiraller, I would go and do something else. My biggest thing is we used to have a lot of fights while he was at work because I would need to fix it right now, otherwise I'd spiral. But now I'm like okay, something's bothered me in the morning. I'll tell him have a good day. Can we have time for a chat later?
Speaker 3:or just not say that at all yeah, because by the time it gets to, the end of the day, have I fucking worked it out myself.
Speaker 1:Nine times out of ten I've actually worked it out myself, so it's like using that coping or that distraction to go. Oh, it's not the time for me to do this.
Speaker 3:So, and I think it's again like I I always say so little of life is black and white, right, because, yes, but sometimes for me anyway, and definitely for some of my clients, when I've recommended distraction and it's, it's not because they're avoiding anything, because my, my problem was I kept going into the emotion and I got so stuck, I was so like I felt like a pathetic piece of shit because I was just a mess all the time, because I was always told oh no, don't avoid, you need to feel. Yeah, and I think it can be a slippery slope for some of us, because it was like I went from not feeling to the pendulum swing where I felt too much and I didn't know how to cut to find a balance. So, and like, still to this day, it's. I'm not distracting because I'm avoiding.
Speaker 3:I'm distracting because I know, if I stay in it, my thoughts are going to take over and I'm going to spiral and all of a sudden, I've created a problem that's not really there, yeah, or I've become a victim, because that's my pattern, right, I tend to be a victim. So it's about knowing when to use it and sometimes, in my experience, I don't always nail it. Sometimes I am more avoidant than just it's a genuine distraction. So they're not spiraling because we know, right, when thoughts take over, yeah, it can be really hard to to shift into okay, you know it's okay, I'm safe or I'm feeling secure, I have nothing to worry about. Sometimes it's like you just go a little too far and it's so hard to pull yourself back in um so it's yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:In my experience it's like it's.
Speaker 1:It's not always that black and white, because if I go into that too much, yeah, I'll stay there yeah, and I think it's so important because, uh, something that one of the women inside the shadow haven membership took away and she put it on the post note is you said, beliefs are not facts yeah, oh my god, oh yeah, and she loved that.
Speaker 1:She loved that because that spiraling thing is something that a lot of women do and just reminding yourself like this is not fact and this is like in in my work, we also do belief work because it's just understanding where that belief actually lives and why is? Like in in my work, we also do belief work because it's just understanding where that belief actually lives and why is it here? And also, like a lot of people call them limiting beliefs in like the work I do, we call them survival beliefs because they were born for you to survive I love that, yeah, yeah yeah, and I have such an.
Speaker 3:It's more like an acceptance around that versus shame. You know I can accept that.
Speaker 1:It's survival versus limiting and yeah, that's beautiful and I love that because, also, our body is built for survival yeah, literally. So it's kind of like these beliefs are survival beliefs because they were built to keep us safe and our body doesn't understand where they're actually now hindering us and I love that and it's just so beautiful to use. I love duality. I love different perspectives Obviously, that's why my business is perspective but I think it's so beautiful to understand when is something hindering me and when is something serving me. Is it going to serve my relationship to bring up this topic right now or is it going to hinder it? Because when you're in a relationship with kids, there's not a lot of like one-to-one time and you can create that and then sometimes you go well, I finally get this one-to-one time. Is this like almost like the pick the battles? Should I use this one-to-one time?
Speaker 1:to pick the battle that I could actually deal with myself, or could I use this time to spend quality time with this person?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and you know if you tend to slip into, like you know you're in a relationship, even that you know you tend to argue more than communicate.
Speaker 3:You'll probably find you'll want to slip into. Oh no, I'll bring this up. Yeah, because if you spend the one on one time together, then that opens you up to a different kind of vulnerability too. Right, where it's like we're going to create connection. There may be physical, emotional intimacy, and that brings you closer to me and I don't have as much control over how you hurt me or how much you hurt me if I let you get closer. Yeah, and so this you're right. Like you need to know yourself. Yeah, that's the first piece is knowing yourself. And again, like you're gonna have blind spots. Okay, this is why I think professionals, or like coaches and whatever, are so supportive, because they're gonna see our blind spots. That's why counselors have counselors and therapy, like I had a psychologist who had her own psychologist. Like it's yeah, she's done, however, like eight years or whatever of study and still needs her own help.
Speaker 1:We're not exempt from humanness yeah, and it's just the biggest thing, like obviously we're gonna wrap this up soon. But the other piece that I want to bring up about that is when you're using your own self-awareness as a weapon.
Speaker 3:Oh, I did that for a long time. I knew better than everybody okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's, and like, the other question that I get as a coach and I don't know if you've had this question as well is do you see the shit that your partner like? Do you see the shit that your partner like, do you see the patterns and the shadows and the wounds? And I'm like we have a rule in our house that we do not coach each other. Like, my partner is very intelligent, he can pick up things pretty fucking quickly.
Speaker 3:We do not coach each other and it's about trusting them through in their journey, right? Yes?
Speaker 1:And I actually was going to do a reel about this as well, because I've been seeing a lot of different relationship coaches and obviously everyone has their opinion and obviously I'm a very opinionated woman and the one that I seen the other day that triggered me was if your partner doesn't do personal development, your relationship will fail.
Speaker 3:Oh, you can get fucked.
Speaker 1:And the reason that I want to speak to that is because personal development is different for every single person. Yes, amen, sister, and obviously there's a lot of personal development and a lot of different modalities and a lot of women are drawn towards them, but we not a lot of men are just quite yet. Maybe that will change in future generations, but the way that I do personal development and the way that my partner does personal development are two different things. And remember, personal development could even look like being able to socialize with your friends oh my god it is.
Speaker 3:There is no rule book for what it should look like. Yes, did you go through a period where you were trying to control what it looked like for Matt?
Speaker 1:I definitely feel like I was really wanting to push that, because something that we have like and we still very much struggle with is the hobby side of thing of connection, because we are two very different people with two very different lives and we have very different hobbies. Like he's a car man yeah, I'm not. I like to read, he likes to watch tv. Like we just have very different personalities. So it's always and my obviously went through a huge personal development where I was like a junkie and I thought that the way we could connect was through personal development. I thought we could have that quality time by doing the same personal development and I had to be like this is my own journey let's meditate together or do a breath work together.
Speaker 1:Yeah and you know what's so beautiful? Because there is things like he is a very open person in so many ways like he our intimacy sometimes could be. We've done an eye gazing thing and I thought I had this little thing of like I do personal development, I'll be great at eye gazing. The man was so much better at me and I'm like, actually, matt, can we not? And he was like what? And I'm like I actually don't feel comfortable right now. But Ken, what we didn't said was like so I would sit on his lap and we closed down our eyes and we just breathed together because I was like, wow, I'm actually so fucking uncomfortable with this.
Speaker 1:And this man who doesn't quote, unquote, do the personal development thing is actually really good because he does his own things. Like he has. He listens to different podcasts and I mean he's a bit of a conspiracist so I don't know what goes on there, but like he listens to all these different types of podcasts. He listens from like sales podcasts to personal development podcasts, to like fitness plans and he also goes to therapy like where I do not anymore. I do more like of this stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah and there's some more somatics.
Speaker 1:So I just really wanted to bring that up because that's something that can happen, and I see a lot of women have been like, oh, I finally have my power. It's that pendulum of like I'm have all of the self-awareness and now I'm going to call out all of the shit that I see about you, because I can't believe that you can't see it, because I can see all of my shit, yeah, which ends up causing a shadow anyway, because no one ever sees their own shit totally, absolutely.
Speaker 3:And not to mention, I've done this a lot with my partner and often I was wrong. Anyway, I was just again looking for things like I'm so sure this is what it is and he's like I'm telling you it's not, but I wasn't trusting his word. That's scary, right, it's vulnerable. I don't like trusting men. So it's like, yeah, we've, we've all got our shit, but, um, I think it's just we need to get to know ourselves even better and understand that we do.
Speaker 3:Whether we we do it consciously or not, we will fall into protective mechanisms and we will sabotage our happiness, love and joy.
Speaker 3:Well, most of us not all of us, but most of us will. Because it's so scary, feeling so high, because if that rug's pulled out from under us, for whatever reason, the drop is so much more jarring than if we're just kind of, you know it's pretty good and you're feeling pretty good. You're not. You know like, literally I don't know when you're feeling joy, you feel light, you feel amazing. But if you're just kind of good, you feel a bit heavier. You're not. You know, like you're already closer to the ground if the rug's pulled. So, yeah, we've got to catch ourselves and really, you know, decide to know ourselves better and not shame ourselves, right, not shame ourselves when we do protect, you know, because again it is survival, like that limiting belief, shifting that to survival beliefs fucking beautiful, because that's what it is. You don't do it, you're not born and like, okay, okay, I'm gonna sabotage the shit out of my life and be miserable because it will bring me great joy.
Speaker 3:You know it happened because we have a lived experience where our brain has gone hey, this is scary, I'm gonna protect you and it had its place. And then, once we know better, we can start to make kinder, more loving decisions for ourselves, our partners, our kids, whatever. But it first starts with the awareness of, like shit, I've got to make some changes, yeah, and that journey is different for everyone, including your partner.
Speaker 1:That is so beautiful, I guess. Like to wrap this up. I would love to know whether it's from your own experience or through things that you give your clients. We've been talking a lot about the connection to self. How would you start that for somebody who's come in for you?
Speaker 3:yeah, um, I, I always go to. It always starts with the smallest things. Um, mostly because a lot of my clients seem to have kids now. They think about it, um, and so it's hard to make big changes. Um, but it's also just hard to make big changes when we have spent decades or years and years of being a certain way, and it can feel too hard, too much. Um, we can just get in our own way.
Speaker 3:So it's always like I start with the small things. What small thing? Five minutes a day, a morning, maybe you get up five minutes earlier than than the kids, or five minutes earlier than you normally do. What can you do for you? Yeah, right, so it's like how can I just give back to me a little bit today?
Speaker 3:Because I see a lot when relationships aren't good, we become so focused on it and it's all about what they are or aren't doing or you know, whereas if we can just bring it back to ourselves and fill up our cup a little bit, we're less likely to get angry, be resentful, um, to martyr, to you know all these things. It's like, if I can fill up my cup just a tiny bit more today, I'm going to show up as a better person first. So I would start there and then, if I'm honest, I was going to say, probably join my Facebook group because it's free and I want to give like I'm putting so much fucking goodness in there it's not even funny um, because I want to help people. It's the same with you with your Shadowhaven membership, right, you want to be able to give back as much as you can for those that can't afford it or for those that are maybe like I don't even know where to start. So you start with those little things and then I would really recommend going to someone who actually knows what they're talking about, because when we try to go to our friends or our family, we're going to people who have no idea what they're talking about.
Speaker 3:There's a reason that psychologists go to see psychologists, not their friends to help, you know. You go to somebody who knows what they're talking about, because too long I went to my friend, who is a pretty like level-headed person, but of course she was just fueling. Yeah, I went to. I mean, my friend, ironically, has similar trauma that I do, so of course, if I go to her she's going to be like oh no, yeah, he's a piece of shit, you know. Or even if they you know she didn't have the same kind of upbringing and trauma that I had. If someone doesn't know what to look for, how can?
Speaker 1:they help you. Yeah, 100%. And I think it's like when you go to somebody and like obviously we're coaches, so we're plugging ourselves. You know, it's what we do here.
Speaker 3:I wasn't even trying to plug myself. I was just like, yeah, that's what we're here for Do it, do it.
Speaker 1:That's what we're here for. Do it, do it. Um, but it's because we had we don't have the same lens like when I'm in coach mode. I literally, before this podcast, I actually ran my best friend through an embodiment and a lot of people like how do you work with friends? And I'm like there's a few people that I won't, yeah, yeah, but in the same instance, I know when to switch into coach mode. Yeah, and I don't look at it from the lens of you're my best friend and I can feel that you're hurting.
Speaker 1:I look from a cool. How can I hold space? Yeah, how can I listen for what you're actually saying? And it's like when you're going to a coach, they don't one have the same attachment to you about this and also they're in that situation. They're looking for what you're actually saying in the moment and what's alive for you right now and how we can help you move forward. Because there's a very different dynamic of like. When you go to friends and family, you're either venting or you want that validation. When you're going to a coach, it's more about cool. So how can we actually move forward in this? Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I think it's like we don't go to our best mate to do surgery on us.
Speaker 1:We go to someone who knows what the fuck they're doing oh yeah, I wouldn't trust any of my friends to do surgery but do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:like I, I couldn't. I love my mom dearly. I would not go to her for relationship advice because look at her track record and even if there's someone who has a good relationship, for example, there's no denying you can't go to a few friends sometimes, okay, but it's like take their advice with a grain of salt. Even even coaches and shit like me take it with a grain of salt. You have to take what feels right for you. Yeah, um, and just because we are the professional does not mean we know everything.
Speaker 1:But it is about being mindful about what information you are taking in and who you're taking it from yeah, and I think the other thing I mean I could talk about the industry for a really long time, but we're not going to go there today but it's more of like what page has said is that you want to be with somebody who doesn't see the world as black and white. You want to see somebody who doesn't have a cookie cutter system yes, because yes we were talking about this.
Speaker 1:I also support a certification we were talking about this the other day that every single client in every single session is different, right? So if a client comes to us in one session and they seem pretty fucking solid, they're regulated, they're doing the task does not mean, us in one session and they seem pretty fucking solid, they're regulated, they're doing the task does not mean in the next session that they're going to be really regulated they're going to be at the same capacity and I also work with a range of different women and what works for one woman does not work for the next one.
Speaker 1:And I remember the other day, um, I was having to give a task to one of the clients and she just, for some reason, just it just wasn't sticking. Yeah, and I'm like cool, this is just not for you then. And the thing is, I don't have all the answers and you want to go to somebody who is very transparent, of like, I don't have the answers but I'm going to help you find them, because when you go to a coach, when you're, when you're going into coaching, you want to have the mindset of they're not going to fix me. Right? Coaches are not here to fix you, they're here to help you. They're here to, like, guide you to the answer that you actually already have. It's just underneath all of the different layers of wounds and traumas and and belief systems and shadows and whatever you believe in it's, it's in there. It's just that you're not really ready, your nervous system, and you are not ready to bring that out yet.
Speaker 1:And even if you know the answer, you may not also feel safe to take action exactly so that's what we do in a nutshell yeah, yeah, I forgot to mention that I do the somatic therapy, but I feel like there's so many pieces and I'm like I just want all of all of the answers and I definitely would love to have you back on, because I think there's so many aspects to relationships and there's also so many, so many relationship beliefs that so many have, and I would love to do like a myth busting of, like, what is your thought of this?
Speaker 1:Because yeah, oh yeah, because so, if you're listening to this and you've got some questions for Paige or I about this or maybe a relationship thing you heard an example could be once a cheater, always a cheater. We won't go into that today. I know that would definitely intrigue a few people. Please send us a message, because we would love to talk about it, because this is what we're here for to unpack the, the beliefs, and your relationship should fit what you really want to have in life, not what you think you should have in life absolutely so page to wrap this up, any final golden nuggets for people listening.
Speaker 3:Oh, you put me on the spot. Um, I mean, I feel like I feel like I've said some. I could be here all day, right, but I think, more than anything, what I would love for whoever's listening to take away is that you're not the problem. Okay, you're not a problem, you're not broken. And I understand, and I know that relationships can feel really overwhelming and confronting. I think that's what they're designed to do, because I truly believe that they provide us with many opportunities to grow, but we have to be willing to lean in, and I think that is the greatest difference between a thriving relationship and one that is mediocre at best.
Speaker 1:Damn, that was a pretty good golden nugget, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3:I didn't know where I was going with it.
Speaker 1:No, I thought it was like rehearsed Goodness, all right, Paige, where can we find you? Where can everyone find you if they are wanting to get in contact with you? And then your Facebook group, what is that called? We can also put that in the show notes for everybody.
Speaker 3:So you can find me on instagram at page louise official no weird spellings. You can find me on facebook. Add me, though, because I don't have a facebook page, because they just suck and don't get reach. I'm page louise on facebook. Um, I have a website page, louisecom, and then my facebook group is relationship revival. Um, and it's I'm pretty sure it's like a public one. You can just search it or go to my pages or whatever. But yeah, you'll be able to find me on on those. Yeah, I just blanked.
Speaker 1:I don't know what word I was supposed to say, but yeah, no, perfect, we'll chuck them in the show notes and you can find her on Instagram and you can find me on Instagram if you have any questions. But thank you so much, paige, for jumping on. It has been so much fun.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for joining us. We've absolutely loved being here with you today.
Speaker 1:And if you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it, please leave a review or drop into our DMs. We would love to hear from you.