Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
#38 - Stop Doing This One Thing To Help You Hit Your Goals
Ever caught yourself promising "I'll start Monday" week after week? You're not alone. This raw conversation tackles the uncomfortable truth about why we set intentions that rarely translate into action.
We unpack the fascinating psychology behind why your brain actually gets a dopamine hit just from declaring your intentions—especially when others affirm them—creating the illusion you've already accomplished something. This reveals why so many of us get stuck endlessly planning rather than doing. As Steph bluntly puts it: "Your brain does not care that you're trying to grow and thrive. It cares that you're alive," preferring comfort over the discomfort required for real change.
Both of us vulnerably share recent moments when mentors called us out for this exact pattern. These wake-up calls revealed areas where we'd been settling for "good intentions" rather than consistent action. The conversation shifts to practical strategies for breaking this cycle: starting ridiculously small, reverse-engineering intentions by connecting them to deeply meaningful reasons beyond surface-level motivations, and building identity-based habits that make follow-through automatic rather than optional.
Whether you're struggling with business goals, fitness routines, or relationships, this episode offers both the tough love and practical tools to transform intentions into reality. We invite you to message us with one intention you're committing to—because real accountability might be the missing piece between wanting to change and actually doing it.
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Expression of interest
Welcome to Unhinged and Unfiltered. Who Gave them a Mic. We're your hosts, steph and Lorinda.
Speaker 2:Warning getting triggered is not only accepted but encouraged here. This podcast will dive deep into conversations that make you really think about life. No top level BS here.
Speaker 1:Where real women get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it. We dive into the messy, beautiful and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Speaker 2:Tune in for unfiltered conversations, practical tips and tools that actually work and are easily applied, and a whole lot of laughs as we navigate the ups and downs of being a woman together.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello and welcome back to another episode, and today is all around intentions. I feel like we actually talk about intentions a lot in so many different contexts, but we're going to talk about intentions with actions and this is the whole. I'm going to do this and I'm going to, when I've got this, I'm going to do this and I'm going to, you know, create space to do this, and then you actually never fucking do it Right. I'm going to do this and I'm going to, you know, create space to do this, and then you actually never fucking do it Right. And this is definitely Steph's area of expertise around habits and changes and all of those things. But it kind of came from the intention of talking about this.
Speaker 1:I wonder how many times I can say intention, because we regularly get called out by our mentors, by our friends, our partners unfortunately, though, I'll never tell him he's right and just like with ourselves, I've been like, okay, well, you write down the goals list, and like you write down the intentions, and like we obviously have businesses, so we write down our quarterly things, and we're like I have all good intentions to do that, and it's really cool to see those intentions and be like, yeah, that is fucking awesome. I can dream huge. There's nothing wrong with dreaming huge. But like, what are you actually doing to make sure those intentions are getting done?
Speaker 2:I feel like this also goes and I speak a lot about this too in my line of work. So one of well, like one of my areas that I work with moms, a lot is around like yelling at their children and the way that they're treating their kids, and they'll say like, oh, I don't want to, like it's not my intention to upset them, like I intend to stop yelling at them, but it's like okay, cool. But what action are you taking? And they're like oh, I'm like taking deep breaths and I'm like okay, cool. So like, how's your water intake? Are you eating? Are you moving? Are you like are you getting enough sleep? Are you doing these basic things to look after yourself, to know or to create that patience? And they're like, no, I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 2:So you're intending to and I'm not saying that that's not beautiful, but we need the action to back it up, babe, because the thing is, there's a few pieces here. Firstly, your brain kind of gets that dopamine hit when it's like I'm going to do this thing and it's like, oh, yeah, that would make you so awesome, that's so cool. And like even more if we're telling other people about it, because then they give us that positive feedback. They're like oh, yeah, yeah, you like, yeah, yeah, that'd be so, so cool. And it's like it's your brain's like oh, it's already happened, I've already got that positive feedback, so now it's like I don't actually have to change anything. Phenomenal, because the thing thing we need to understand about change your brain this, honestly, this quote. I want you to fucking listen to me really, really carefully, because this quote changed my life, your brain and I say this all the time your brain does not care that you are trying to grow and thrive. It does not give a shit about the fact that you are trying to lose weight and you're trying to run a successful business and you're like trying to fucking meditate and shit. It cares that you are alive and in order to do that, it wants to be comfortable. Now we know that growth comes from the uncomfortable. It comes from doing new things, it comes from pushing ourselves, but your brain is always going to be trying to snap back. Think of it like a fucking archery boat. It's always trying to snap back to what's comfortable. It does not want to be under pressure and it takes an extremely, extremely strong mindset or an extremely big why to be able to hold that tension and most people are missing both and that's not a fucking attack.
Speaker 2:And, like Rin just said, I've been called out massively by my mentors this week, massively. And what one of them said was I'm not really interested in what you tell me that you intend to do with your business. I'm interested in what action you're actually taking towards that. And I was Ooh, because it made me realize. In a lot of areas I've been doing bare minimum and my bare minimum looks a lot better than what I fucking used to Like. My bare minimum is still making it to Pilates three to four times a week. My bare minimum is still drinking at least two liters of water a day, all of those sorts of things.
Speaker 2:But there are certainly areas in which I have been slipping and in which I have been like oh yeah, you know, like content. I've been shocking with content. I've been so wishy-washy, so inconsistent with it, and I think there's part of me that's like there's. I think that there's two pieces. The first is like trying to get fucking engagement on Instagram feels like pulling teeth at the moment. It it feels really hard. But then there's also the piece with when you do start getting engagement.
Speaker 2:A lot of the time, people are really mean and I don't like that. I want people to be mean to me. I want people to go. Yes, steph, you're right, this is amazing. This has changed my life, because that's my intention behind my content. That's what I'm trying to make happen, right. So then, when I get that negative feedback, right, this is amazing, this has changed my life, because that's my intention behind my content. That's what I'm trying to make happen, right. So then, when I get that negative feedback, I'm like that person doesn't like me. Oh, my god, that's so dangerous. And my brain goes because I've got big fucking wounds around that. And it goes like well, that person doesn't fucking like you. Not everybody likes you. Just get the fuck off your soapbox, bitch, bitch. And I'm like, oh, I don't like that. So I go. I'm just really busy at the moment. I'm so busy, I'm like I'm so booked out, but like I just don't need to do content, and that's what my fucking brain does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, when it comes to intentions as well, something that I see a lot, and even in myself, is like making things so simple.
Speaker 1:Like our brain just, for some reason, loves making things really fucking hard. Right, because a lot of the very simple things that need to be done, right, eat good, exercise, regulate, take care of yourself they're like pretty fucking simple. But we're like making things hard because we're like, okay, well, that's not going to give me the validation that I want, that's not going to give me the thing, like, even like, let's talk business right, cleaning up so much of my backend that it makes me want to headbutt a wall. Okay, it's like the simple fucking things and I know it's like building foundations, but I'm like, well, this is not going to make me money right now, this is not going to get me that next person, but what it's doing is creating sustainability. Right, these intentions need to be intentions to create respect and sustainability and trust in your routine. Right, there's nothing wrong with having a groundhog day routine. I actually fucking thrive off it. Don't make it boring. So like an example is the fucking cyclone just came through and I was a hot mess because my fucking routine was out the window. But why was a hot mess? Because I love my routine so much and I'm like I have taken so long to create intention with, you know, supporting my nervous system and supporting my business and all of the things. But if you're trying to go for those big things, I've been like, yeah, my intention is I going to fucking hike 10 kilometers. You have to do the first kilometer. So like there's that reality check of, yeah, you can have the dream big, but don't forget the little dreams that actually are the stepping stones to the big one. Right, I want to have a big, beautiful business. I actually have to start at the start. I have to create the steps. The intention should be let's create the steps to get there.
Speaker 1:Another way to do this is reverse engineer. Cool, if your intention is to go to Pilates three or four times a week, how are you going to do it? Well, you need to have space three to four times a week in your routine and then, if you're a parent, it needs to probably be during the school hours or it needs to be where somebody can watch them. So how are you going to do that? Right, and you can go and do that for one week. The biggest thing that I see as well is people do it for like two to three weeks and then fall off the wagon. Right, it's because you actually haven't created a supportive environment to hold that intention as well. Is it actually beneficial for you to go to three, four times a week when you have three children and you're doing it by yourself? Probably not. You could probably get there twice to start with and building the foundations and doing it.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I see a lot and this is also calling myself out is I use the word try so much. I'm trying, I'm trying to do this. Well, you're gonna keep trying instead of doing, because the way that we speak in our, in our thoughts and out loud our body's going to take on that. Right, we have a thousand thoughts all the time, like our RAS system like picks up on so many different things, but it's just filtering through the beliefs, and my belief is I'm trying really hard, I'm trying really hard. I'm trying really hard instead of just going. I'm going to go do that. I'm going to go do that. I am that person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think I've been speaking to my sons about this a lot, my seven-year-old in particular, because he's a real perfectionist and he doesn't like being bad at things, and so we've enrolled him in guitar lessons. They do them through the school and he was practicing like. We asked him a couple of weeks ago if he had any homework and he's like no, I don't. And I was like I don't believe you, do you have homework? And we got to the bottom of it and he basically said to us that he was finding it really difficult and he didn't understand it. So my husband knows a bit about guitar. I'm fucking absolutely useless, so I'm no help there. You want to write an essay? I'm your girl, but you want to learn guitar? Absolutely not, not from me. So my husband sat down with him and he was teaching him like he's a. He's a much better teacher than I am. He can make things very simple, whereas I do overcomplicate things. And he was sitting down with him and showing him how to do it and we're like see, bud, when you practice, you get better at things. And the thing is, is that getting good at things, the actual action of getting good at something, is fucking boring because you are going to have to repeat it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and your brain is like this is boring as shit and I'm not getting the feedback Like where's my six pack?
Speaker 2:I've been going to Pilates for two whole weeks now. Where's my six pack? Where's my accolades? Where's this, where's that? And I started to notice like after cause I was going like five, six times a week. For quite some time I was very obsessed with it. It's backed off a little bit now, but I still go. And people would be like oh, like, how are you, how are you doing that on the heaviest springs. And I was like, because I'm here all the time, it didn't just happen overnight, like I haven't just walked in here. This is like your first or second session. This is probably my 60th and it's like I've gotten good at Pilates because I've done it so many fucking times.
Speaker 2:And this is the thing is that we don't want to put in the work. We don't want to be fucking posting content again, we don't want to be making emails again, we don't want to be eating well again and eating like drinking again, but it's like that's what you have to do. It's really not complicated. It's hard. What were you saying earlier? It's simple, it's simple, but it's hard, hard. Yeah, there's a lot to it. I think you were oh, yeah, yeah yeah, it's just like the.
Speaker 1:I was talking about the chaos in my business at the moment, because past me sucks right now. Um, like running a business like it's simple, right, if you're a service-based business, you do the service, you post the content, you get clients, but it's building the foundation, right. It's having a backend that is going to support a certain amount of clients. It's having the resources already there and able to be sent through. It's having the workflows in our emails to be like, yep, cool, everything's there. It's creating the steps, but you can't. This is also that don't run before you walk Like you can't. This is also that don't run before you walk.
Speaker 1:You need to understand what you're doing and why you're doing it. What is the actual fucking reason that you need to go to the gym three to four times a week? Because a lot of people are like, oh, I need to lose weight, so I'm going to go to the gym, but then they're going to go to the gym and then they're going to eat more than they burn and they're not going to lose any weight and they're going to blame it on the gym and the training and they're going to try some fast diet. Well, no, no, the steps is I need to burn more than I eat and you actually don't need to go to the gym to do that, to be honest with you. But weight training is really good because you're going to get old, you're going to get fragile and you need to have strong muscles and healthy bones and all of the things. Understanding the benefits okay, it's boring, but does the benefits outweigh that? Yeah, and they fucking do every single time.
Speaker 2:The other piece as well that so many people miss. Is that why it's like okay, cool, I'm going to the gym to lose weight? Why? Because when we're you know, going back to the bow analogy when you're under that much tension and you're building that habit, you're going to feel under tension, you're going to feel uncomfortable, you're going to hate it because it's new and your body doesn't like new. It wants comfortable, which is why we continually do things that are not good for us or don't do things that are good for us.
Speaker 2:It's like my husband called me out on this, like yesterday or the day before. Oh, it was around my diet. He's like so you're really tired at the moment and you know that you felt really good on carnivore and you've stopped eating carnivore. You know how to do it, why. And I'm like because I like sugar. It's like I know, I know, but I don't do it. And it's like this again, we are not perfect. I have been called out so many times this week. It makes me want to throw myself off a roof. But the why needs to be so specific and so meaningful to you that when that you know, the motivation wears off because it's like I'm going to get bikini ready or like I just want to you know, fit into my shorts again. Those are lame reasons. I'm sorry, but they are. Because, like, wanting to fit into a bikini is not as good a reason as because my kids are getting older now and they keep asking me to get on the trampoline, and every single time that I get on the trampoline I feel like I'm 100 years old and I can't play with my kids, I can't pick my kids up, I can't run around the yard with them because I'm so out of breath. Like that is a good fucking reason. That's gonna hit you in the field and that's gonna be like really emotional and you're gonna be like that's just what I want. Do you see how that's going to be like really emotional and you're going to be like that's just what I want. Do you see how that's a much bigger reason?
Speaker 2:Same with business, where it's you know. Of course we want to make the money. We're a fucking business at the end of the day. That is a large portion of the point. But also we want to create big impact. We want to change people's lives. We want to teach them that they don't have to live the way that they're living. We want better for them. Because we've been in that situation. We effectively want to help our past selves. Yeah, basically, and it's like that's a much better reason than because I want to make money, because if you're going into business to make money, let me tell you there are so many ways that are way better to make money. Like go and get a job honestly, because it's a head fuck, it really is a lot of the time and it's wonderful and I'm so fucking grateful for it, but also it's yeah, sorry, like when you're talking about business and money and stuff as well, you this is just my, my opinion.
Speaker 1:You can tell the coaches that are in it for the money, oh yeah, and like, yeah, they make money because they're fucking great at marketing. But I can tell you that steph and I do certifications not because we're like, okay, if I do this certification, people are gonna 100 buy from me because I have a certification. We go, I need this certification because I see a gap in my skill set. Yeah, yeah, and I want to learn more.
Speaker 1:That also happens because we're little nerds, but so it's just like your intention needs to be true and I think also when you, when you have your why and you get to that point, like an example is like I've always had body image issues, always. I don't remember there was a time that I did I think that's literally 99% of women who listen to our podcast and I wouldn't wear my bikini out, I wouldn't do anything, and then I can't remember what it was, where I was, but I wore out in public and I wore my swimsuit, maybe it was wet and wild and I had this moment of like holy shit, I'm not gonna miss out on my children and memories and I'm wearing a bikini.
Speaker 1:I'm not wearing a bikini because, like I'm not losing weight to wear a bikini, to just so I can wear it. I'm wearing it because that's my swimmers and I'm not gonna miss out on my children. And so, instead of looking at it from a place of like news me to lose weight so I can get in my bikini, I can tell you right now that, no matter how much weight I lost, I would never get in the bikini. I went. How can I feel good in myself so I can get in this fucking swimsuit and I can go on the slides with Logan. So all the weight training and the eating healthy.
Speaker 1:It was because I don't want to be the parent that struggles to get up the stairs, who just doesn't get on the slides, who stands on the sidelines and watches. There's many things I won't do because I just don't want to do it like trampoline, not a huge fun, but I don't want to be that parent. I want to be the parent that runs around with the kids. I want to be the parent that remembers that I'm in the pool with them and I'm swimming with them and I'm throwing them. I don't want to be like all right guys, you're just gonna have to give me five minutes because I can't fucking breathe. That's my why.
Speaker 2:My why is that I want to be in the memories of my children yeah, and that's, I think, a lot of the reasons why I think most of my clients come to me because I do speak heavily around parenting that is is my niche, and it's like you. Like I do hate this saying to a degree because I think it can feel really shamey, but it's like you do have one shot at this, like you have one shot at their childhood. You don't get a do over because you realized 20 years down the line that you did it all wrong or that you didn't do it the way that you wanted to do it. So it's like if you're feeling right now like you're doing a lot of I'm gonnas but not actually changing anything, and you are feeling fucking miserable, I'm telling you right now it does not need to feel that way, like it really doesn't, and we think it does because there's so much solidarity around, isn't there? Oh yeah, I'm going to start. Gonna start on monday. Yeah, me too. We should do it together. I'm just gonna avoid messaging you for like a month, so then we don't have to talk about it, but we should start on monday again.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, but like you know, it's just really hard with the kids right now. Oh my god, yes, same, like my kids have been sick too. We really do validate the shit out of not keeping our promises to ourselves. We're phenomenal at justifying, and your brain will do that because it, like the ego, does not like to be the you know, the bad guy or whatever, and it will justify and justify, and justify and justify until the cows come home.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying that some of these aren't valid reasons, but it's like the difference between I can't exercise because I have kids and I maybe can't get to the gym because of the kids, but I could do a home workout or I could put the kids in the pram and go for a walk Not in Darwin at the moment, because it's disgusting, but like I could figure a way to make this work Right and it's like, oh, yeah, like yeah, like I want to start exercising more. Hmm, okay, how are we making that happen, though? Oh, I don't know, it's just really hard at the moment. Okay, cool, so your intention's there, which is beautiful, but the action is not right.
Speaker 1:That was so funny nine times out of ten. The intention to do something is always to like, like exercise has so many benefits and you're like, you know life is really hard but you know it would actually make it easier if you exercise. And, like, I say this a lot like, like, my thing is obviously relationships, biggest one, relationship to yourself. But I do work with a lot of women who have relationship issues, and even something that matt and I always talk about is, yeah, like, our intention this year is to have one date night a month. Guys, that's 12 in one year. I'm sure as shit we can plan that right. No, no, apparently that's really hard. But then we go okay. Well, how are we going to make this easy? Have a date night at home, right set like one fucking hour, like for us in the season that we're in, we have to send each other google invites, literally have a google invite for a date night on sunday, and I sent him one today because I had a voucher and I'm like I need to book this, okay, otherwise it's going to expire. So I sent it and the date night's in may. But the thing that we were talking about we even went to the sauna last night and we've been looking at getting a sauna. But I said to Matt, matt also agreed of like, making sure that we actually go out of the house because, like, we are really good at doing date nights in the house but because we're fucking tired from life, it's kind of like oh yeah, we'll just do it another night. No, no, no. If you plan something, put it in the calendar, book the thing. Like I've already booked our next day night. Make sure that you do it. Don't wait for somebody to do it. Do it right. Because now I'm like, okay, cool, we've already booked now four date nights, which is better than our track record of last year, because we were like we're going to do this. No, no, we're not going to do that, let's just book it.
Speaker 1:If something comes up, it comes up. But is it really necessary that we move our date night? If something does come up, if our kid's sick, yeah, but last night for us in the season that we're in, when we're very lucky is, we actually went on a date night at logan's bedtime. So our 16 year old we like logan went to bed he's great at going to bed and our 16 year old sat on the couch and watched a show, while we quickly ducked down in the sauna for an hour, right One hour. And I can tell you right now, in that one hour I went from wanting to headbutt him like pretty hard to oh my God, I'm so in love with you, like I'm not kidding that one sweat box of just sitting there. We didn't really talk too much and we just sat there and sweated our assholes off and I was like connected. And then we went to, literally drove into Maccas, parked in the car park and had a sunday, and that one thing connected us even more. And now I'm like, okay, cool, I'm good for the week.
Speaker 2:If I don't see you for the week, love ya, but we're good yeah, yeah, and like our brains, they don't want to do what's good for us. They want to do what's easy, and it's easy to do what you've always been doing and that's why you're in so many shitty habits and like, honestly, it's not just you, it really isn't, it's the vast majority. I have this conversation over and over and over and over and over again. Hell, I have it with myself sometimes where I'm not necessarily doing the things that I know are good for me, and sometimes I need to, like I actually had this conversation with a client last night and I said to her what we need to do because she's not doing anything at the moment. I was, like you need to make it so simple and so easy that you are going to feel stupid, coming to me at the end of the week and going I didn't get time to do this. Like that's how simple it needs to be. So it might be something like I'm going to exercise once this week for 30 minutes, so that then you come to me on a Friday and go, I didn't have, I didn't find 30 minutes. I'm like what do you mean? You didn't find 30 minutes. Oh yeah, I can't believe I'm actually saying that because, like, I absolutely had space to do that and these are the sorts of things that we want to do, because this is the thing is that we're trying to run before we walk and we're trying to go from I'm not exercising at all to I need to exercise and it may seem really small to you for like 20 minutes every single day and it's like, yeah, previously, before you had kids, that might have been so doable for you, but right now, with the season that you're in, when you have a four month old who is deep in the sleep, regression that might just not fucking be possible. And again you have an exercise for four months, you are out of the habit, okay, so we do once a week, twice a week, three times a week and we build on that habit until it becomes who you are.
Speaker 2:So it's like with me, with Pilates now, yeah, it was. I mean, I found it really easy because I fucking loved going there. So the habit was really easy for me to form. And now I like I get charged if I cancel two hours out. So I booked the 9am class, so I have to cancel by 7am and I bully myself into going. I'm like, no, no. I'm like, oh, I could cancel and I could come home and work. And I'm like, no, no, no, we're not going to do that, but it's going to go to Pilates Plus, like I have friends there now, so I know that my friends are going to be there and I can check the classes because I teach down there. So I can like I'm likeates classes and it's just become who I am. It's just what I do and I don't even have to think about it anymore. Like my muscle memory will pick up my phone in the morning, go three days ahead and book my class and it's just what I do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a habit. I think the biggest thing as well is, like you pretty much hit the nail on the head with. This is my belief and my perspective of why are you pushing so hard for something that you don't enjoy? Right, and what I'm saying is I understand that you may enjoy Maccas and KFC. I want you to look at how you feel afterwards.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying I love a good KFC, but I'm like, if you're constantly like getting takeout all the time and you're feeling like shit, do you actually enjoy feeling like shit? Right, if you are really wanting to, you feel like you know what I went to say. This is so funny. Like, if you feel like you live on the Gold Coast and you need to be a Pilates mom and in your like expensive act wear, does that actually make you feel good? Yeah, it does actually. Yeah, well, you're a Darwin, but I'm on the Gold Coast and for me, I'm like it's just not really like something that I want to enjoy right now. I enjoy like sitting on the deck or going for a walk or like those intentional things that help me. Like me having a little meltdown on Friday. Right, that's the embodiment piece. I'm like, okay, well, I need to make sure that I create space for doing that. Do I really want to do it? Well, not really. But how do I feel afterwards? I feel so much better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's because it's the things that make me feel more fulfilled. Why are you going for things that don't fulfilled? If you're like you know what, like we were talking about this as well of you know, I'm going to start a business, okay, well, why, right? Like, why do you want to start a business? I can tell you right now that I run a business because this is how I can do my job. Right, I actually don't like running a business. Not a fan of it all. Look, especially today, after all of my fucking untitled documents in google drive. But I will learn my lesson. But why are you wanting to do that? Are you wanting to do that because you want to be seen as a business woman, or is it because you have something that you really want to provide to the world? Is it because you want to make more money, or is it because there's something that's so deeply ingrained in you that you need to show everybody? Like, why Is it your belief, or is it somebody else's?
Speaker 2:like, why is it your belief or is it somebody else's? Yeah, yeah, I think you like I really loved what you said just before around the how you feel afterwards, and I think that that's such a brilliant compass for the things that we're doing and how they're making us feel not in the moment but afterwards, because if it makes you feel good in the moment but like shit afterwards not good for you but if it maybe makes you feel like shit in the moment, like at pilates sometimes, or when you're exercising, or when you're, you know, doing the really boring things in your business, or when you're cleaning the house or whatever and you're like, oh, my god, this is so boring. But then you get to the end of it and you're like, wow, I feel really good right now. Like, look at everything I've done now, like yay, and we want to really, because this is the other thing that I see a lot right Is that people will. They'll beat themselves up because they're not doing the things. Then they'll do the things and they won't praise themselves for it. They will go oh, yeah, yeah, it's about fucking time you did that, you piece of shit. Like it's about time you cleaned the house, like if you just done more of it earlier in the week, like they really beat themselves up for it. It's like, bro, you just did something good, like celebrate. That that's a good thing, it's a good thing.
Speaker 2:But the other thing that I often see as well is that they, they continually raise the bar on themselves where it's like they reach where they wanted to reach. You know, looking back six months ago, it's like I just want to be able to make like I have never, until last year, when that studio opened, I have never, ever, managed to stick to exercise for longer than like four to six weeks until I got bored. I have been doing this for over a year, like that is unheard. And even when I wanted to sign up, my husband said to me he's like, babe, it's a lot of money for something that you're not going to stick to. And I was like, but he is, he is the king of calling me out on things like that.
Speaker 2:Because, again, I do do that, where I have a very busy brain and all these great ideas, and I'm like, yeah, I'm going to do that, I'm going to. What am I actually doing? What action am I actually taking? So, like all of this stuff, it's a little bit to call you out, but it's also a little bit just to encourage you to reflect on the things that you're saying, because every time that you say like, oh, I'm going to do this, I think that there's a really big difference between like I'm fairly certain I have ADHD, like fairly certain about it. I've just I've not gone through the rigmarole.
Speaker 1:I don't know if anyone's listening to this for the last like two minutes of Steph talking about I'm just going to do this, I'm going to do this and you don't think she has ADHD. Then yeah, same fucking way. Like I'm sitting here and being like yeah, I see it.
Speaker 2:A friend of mine's daughter's just got diagnosed and I was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure I have that. She's like, oh, I would put money on it. I'm like, okay, thank you very much. It's a weird way to get diagnosed, um, but like I do have a lot of ideas like that and the intention is like I have so much intention to execute on every single one of them because I think that they're great.
Speaker 2:But what I've learned now is that I think that they're great in the moment and then I look back at it a week later and I'll be like, yeah, I don't actually really care about that anymore, like it was just a, it was a passing, fleeting thing. So I've learned now Lorinda's laughing at me, she's trying to hide it, but I can see her I've learned now to kind of like write it down and give myself some space and go, okay, cool, I'm gonna give myself like a week between saying I'm gonna do something and then actually being like no, okay, am I actually gonna do this? Okay, do we need to go through the creating the goals and the action plan and all the things? Because I'm a very visual person. I like a checklist, I like the visuals, I like to have it up somewhere where it's like. That's how I got through 75 soft. I had my fucking checklist on the fridge and I got to color in my dots every single day and I fucking loved it and that's how I managed to get through. It's the dopamine hit again?
Speaker 1:pretty sure um, I think that's also a big thing as well as like celebrating like the little things as well, and I think we've spoken about it before, but like there's such a big thing around failure and I'm like I feel and I came into my head this morning, which was so interesting it's like what happens if those failures uh, you trying really fucking hard, yeah, yeah, like I'm, if I don't go, I'm not gonna fail, but it means I don't care enough, right? And I think it's like celebrating those little things, like celebrating the fact that you and for me, my biggest thing is booking things. I'm like actually the fucking worst at booking things. So when I book things, I'm like, yeah, I feel really fucking good, like I'm an adult. I fucking booked all of these things and I'm organized. I love seeing my calendar like with different colors, and so it's like celebrating those things.
Speaker 1:I've been like, yeah, and it could be from from, like taking yourself out on a date once a month, or like buying that shirt that you really wanted, or all of those things like actually like treating yourself with respect. And if you, I see a lot of people try and do things and they just keep going and going and going without actually stopping in the moment and being like actually, I feel really good, like having that reflection piece of being like you know what? I probably wouldn't have done this six months ago and I need to really celebrate that, whether it is just being the person that gets on the phone and books things, whether it is going to the gym three times a week, whether it's like you actually planned a date night with your partner. Like celebrate in the actions that you are taking instead of looking at it and going, well, what actions am I not taking? And I will do that eventually. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's like, oh, I did that, but I didn't do those 10 things. Like, oh, I suck. But yeah, I think, just like when you are making those promises to yourself. Because, again, when we're continually making promises to ourselves but not actually doing it, then we teach our brain that effectively, our word means shit and that's not really a great thing to be teaching our brain Like we want to be a people of our word. So it's like if I say I'm going to do something, we want to actually do it.
Speaker 2:Okay, so this is, this is something I have been unlearning and relearning, like in the last it's very recent Okay, like, again, I'm not sitting here being like, oh my God, you guys suck and I'm so good, I'm absolutely with you. But going into the like, if I'm going to, if I'm saying I'm actually going to do this, not like I have this idea that I think would be fun, like this could be really cool, I might look at doing this in the future. Versus I am going to do X, y, z. So like I'm trying to be a little bit more careful around my language these days, like I keep saying that I want to do 75 hard, but I'm not saying I'm going to do it just yet. I want to. But then I was talking to my husband the other day and he's like I think it's stupid and I tend to be a bit of a chameleon. I do tend to take on people's opinions sometimes, especially if they're close to me, and now I'm like oh, maybe it. Maybe I shouldn't do it because I don't want people to think badly of me. We all have our shit.
Speaker 2:But yeah, like just kind of checking yourself a little bit around how often you are breaking your word to yourself, and like a frame that I really love to put it in, to kind of bring that into perspective, is how would you feel if this was a friend doing it to you, where they were constantly like oh, yeah, yeah, I really want to see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like we're definitely going to catch up soon Because I don't know about you guys. But I've definitely had those friends. And eventually I just stopped fucking asking because I'm like yeah, okay, I'm like you keep telling me that you want to, but you don't actually take any action towards that happening. Phone, I'm always the one that plans the things and then you cancel on me like I'm not going to do this anymore. So it's like are you being that flaky friend to?
Speaker 1:yourself. I think this would be actually a really good time to like, bring in, like, an identity exercise, right, like, when you look in the mirror, who do you fucking see? Do you see somebody who doesn't respect themselves? Do you see somebody that doesn't take care of themselves? Um, if someone was to describe you, how would you want to be described? I know that I would be the person I would want to be described as somebody. If she says she's going to do it, she's going to do it right, like, and I um, with one of my one-to-one clients, we have a.
Speaker 1:I think affirmations are really fun to play with. I would not use it as the only mindset tool, but it can be really fun to play with and her, her thing is be that bitch. I love it. Yeah, I'm gonna be that bitch and hers is I'm gonna be the mum that shows up and we have some anxiety things we're working through but I'm gonna be the mum that shows up. I'm gonna be the hot bitch that takes care of herself and my husband can't take his hands off me. I'm gonna be the bitch that is fucking organized in her house. Be that bitch. Who do you want to be? And, like last year, and I mentioned it before.
Speaker 1:My big thing is like how would a ceo move? How would they deal with this if I have a flop in a fucking launch? Would they fucking burn their business? No, they would go what didn't work and move forward in my life. Now I'm like how do I want to be perceived? Because people, you know who you are and you, if someone's like, oh well, she looks like a bitch well, or she doesn't take care of herself, that's a, that's a judgment, that's what they're seeing. So for me, when I walk around, I walk with my head held high. I walk around knowing that if I say I'm going to do something nine times out of ten, I'm going to do it because I'm still a human and I still have things where I'm like. But I'm that person. How do you want somebody to perceive you?
Speaker 2:but also like, how do you want to perceive yourself? Yeah, because you can sit there and do your intentions until the cows come home, but if you know that you're just saying it, you're just blowing smoke up your ass and you're just. You know, you're just saying pretty words that sound great together and you're not actually doing anything, you're not going to respect yourself and, honestly, like like that mirror work, I hate it so much because I did five minutes of it and that's what spurred me into doing 75 Soft last year, because I looked in the mirror and I was like I do not look like somebody who takes care of herself and I was like that was like a stab in my heart and I was like whoa, like I'm sitting here preaching that mums need to look after themselves and I'm like what am I doing? I'm like I don't like that at all. So that that's what triggered it and I lost like 11 kilos and I've managed to keep it off.
Speaker 2:And now I'm considering doing it again because I'm looking back and I'm just like no, but I'm kind of like would I create it differently? So would I maybe change the rules of it so they're more fitting into my life and the habits that I want to bring in, rather than and that's what I was talking with my husband about about, instead of doing 75 hardies like why don't you do things that you're actually going to continue fucking doing, instead of trying to work out twice a day, and I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to tell you, but that actually does make a little more sense than what I was doing yeah, I think it's just really like the basics of this chat was have intentions that feel good, have intentions that align with you as well, and like the identity.
Speaker 1:There's no point if you've been like, well, I want to be this, and then the intention is fucking left field, right, like actually sit down and look at your belief systems and your intentions. Don't fucking scroll on social media and be like, well, this person's doing it this way, so I should probably do it the same way. No, have a look in the mirror and go what, what am I missing right now? And how can I move closer to that? And the thing is, there's always going to be things you're working on. There's always going to be pieces that are really hard, but you actually get to have that fun to reverse engineer that right.
Speaker 1:And like, I have a broadcast channel on Instagram and I actually told them the other day and you're going to laugh, steph I told them the other day that one of my goals for this year was to have the confidence to be able to give my partner a lap dance. Yeah, and for me, I'm like I'm not just going to go A to Z and like go and give him a lap dance and I told him as well and I'm like how can I build more safety in myself? It's about connecting more to my sensuality. It's about connecting more to my confidence and what is stopping me from stepping into that? Well, podcast is a great way to get my voice out there and to get my confidence up. Posting more on instagram, showing up with more friends, like having that, and also the way I dress, is very different.
Speaker 1:Again, like I've been taking a lot more care in the way that I show up and and the way I take care of myself, because when I get to that goal, you bet your ass that, like if he had dollar bills, he'd be throwing them at me. Oh, yeah, yeah, that bitch, yeah. So it's just like your intention gets to. It doesn't have to be always hard. It doesn't have to always be something where you're like oh, I'm going to do this and I'm, you know, at least I did it. It needs to be like wow, I want to take care of myself, I want to show up this way, I want to be perceived this way I am and how am I going to get there?
Speaker 2:And if you are continually setting goals but not following through, like I would really invite you to ask yourself why that's like yeah, you want to start the business, you want to start exercising. Why aren't you then like what, what is stopping you from taking these actions? Is it that you need to do some fucking shadow work? Is it that you need to do some breath work? Is it that you don't feel safe to do it? Like, why are you not taking action? Because there's often lots of pieces to it, and we've we've both worked with clients who are like I can't do these things. I can't like. It's just not who I am. Blah, blah, blah. We shift a shadow and they're like all of a sudden, they're that bitch and it's like damn girl, hell yeah, hell yeah, but anyway well, we hope you loved this episode.
Speaker 1:As always, we can talk off the ear of anybody and remembering that we are also human and this is just our perspective on things, and this is what we're seeing with our own clients that we work very close with Our one-to-one clients is a very high-touch coaching, which means that a lot of our case studies and our learnings actually come from our own experiences of helping them move through things and remembering that everyone is so different, like the way that you do things is going to be different to the way that somebody else does them. So we would actually love, if you listen to this episode, for you to message us your intention. Yeah, we want to be involved, and the best thing is accountability of being like if I put this out into the universe, am I going to do it? Oh, yeah, hell, yeah, I love that. So feel free to message us, share it to your story, send it to a friend and know that our intention for you messaging us is love, support and growth, and we can't wait to hear from you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1:We've absolutely loved being here with you today, and if you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it, please leave a review or drop into our DMs. We would love to hear from you. Bye.