Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
#39 - When The Coaches Get Coached
Raw, unfiltered, and completely unrehearsed - welcome to an episode where we strip away the polish and dive straight into questions that made us squirm, reflect, and occasionally gasp.
This conversation began with a simple premise: what happens when two coaches who regularly challenge clients face unexpected questions themselves? The result is a fascinating exploration of vulnerability that reveals as much about coaching as it does about us. From examining what traits we attract in clients that mirror our own growth edges to confronting which past versions still hold the most shame, each question peels back another layer of self-awareness.
One particularly powerful moment emerges when we discuss what our inner children might demand we stop doing. The realization that we often seek permission from everyone except ourselves hits hard, as does the admission that ambitious dreams can be blocked by persistent thoughts of "why me?" Perhaps most compelling is our final exploration of how trauma shapes power - and the fear that sharing our stories might either diminish others' experiences or reduce complex pain to simplistic "everything happens for a reason" narratives.
What makes this conversation different is that you're witnessing our real-time processing - complete with long pauses, moments of confusion, and occasional resistance. We're practicing exactly what we preach: staying curious in uncomfortable moments rather than rushing to tidy conclusions. These questions have transformed conversations in our coaching containers, and we'd love to hear how they land with you. Which question resonated most? What truth emerged that surprised you? Drop into our DMs and let us know - we're here for the messy, beautiful reality of growth, not just the highlight reel.
Reach out to us on Instagram!
Steph is here and Lurinda is here.
FREE resources:
Chaos to calm masterclass
Shadow Work Prompts
Book a call with Lurinda
Book a call with Steph
Join Lurinda's Retreat Watilist for 2025
Want to come on the show?
If you have an amazing story, or a unique perspective on a topic and are willing to be Unhinged & Unfiltered AF, we'd love to hear from you.
Expression of interest
Welcome to Unhinged and Unfiltered. Who Gave them?
Speaker 2:a Mic. We're your hosts.
Speaker 3:Steph and Lorinda Warning getting triggered is not only accepted, but encouraged here. This podcast will dive deep into conversations that make you really think about life. No top level.
Speaker 2:BS here, where real women get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Speaker 3:Tune in for unfiltered conversations, practical tips and tools that actually work and are easily applied, and a whole lot of laughs as we navigate the ups and downs of being a woman together hello, hello, and we are on another episode and today I feel like there's gonna be interesting.
Speaker 1:So steph and I obviously send memes to each other and questions and she was talking about how, in her container, she does deep reflective questions and I was like interesting, we should do this and we should record this. And this is like a real life experience because I have no idea the questions that she's going to ask me and I have a couple of questions written down for her as well. So you're going to get like real in time. Oh shit moments. I'm going to have to answer this and yeah, just being like really vulnerable and stuff like that, because I feel there's so much power and vulnerability and, as a coach, there is a level of vulnerability that you need to step into and there's always that permission piece of only share what you feel comfortable with. But also, how can we step a little bit more into the uncomfortable?
Speaker 1:I already feel uncomfortable so this is gonna be great, so I'm happy to kick off first, which means that I don't have to answer first, which is perfect. Um, it's not gonna save you wonderful, okay, so I have kind of gone from, like the coach, shadowy lens with this one. So, steph, when it comes to attracting clients, what is a trait that you attract the most that you also need to work on? Um probably.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's a tricky one there's. Honestly, I have so many clients that mirror me in different ways and they tell me things I'm like. At first I don't understand why they've come to me, and the more that they share, the more I'm like. Oh, I see it now.
Speaker 3:I think I have all of the information that I need um, so I will make things mean something and I will fly off the handle and then I'll kind of and I'm getting better with this, I'm getting better at sort of asking things like can you explain to me what you meant by that? Because this is what I've made it mean? Or trying to like, or I can very easily recognize in my body now when I'm dysregulated and when I need to move away from a situation. But I would say it's probably that one and probably procrastination too yeah, look, those two are pretty decent ones yeah, they're probably the things that annoy me the most.
Speaker 3:I would say fair, thank you for answering. Oh, sure that was. That was not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Um, okay, my first. I've kind of gone from more of a like who you are, but also goody like talking about. So yeah, I think it's. I think it's gonna be good for you. I would love to know, lorinda, because we talk obviously a lot about how you're so emotional.
Speaker 1:I would love to know what emotion for you still feels dangerous to express so interesting, oh yeah, okay, I feel like it's still tied to maybe like a shadow of that codependent, so like that when I when I want somebody to nurture my emotion, if that makes sense. So it's almost like that neediness of like when I'm deeply sad and want somebody to hold my hand Because I feel that I'm pretty good with anger now, I'm pretty good with know feeling the feels, but I can, I like to feel them by myself, because I still don't like to be super seen in them, if that makes sense. So for a long time I felt that having somebody to hold my hand meant that I couldn't be independent instead of being able to hold the duality. So it's like I don't like someone seeing me super, super, super sad because it makes me feel that makes me think that they think that I can't deal with shit.
Speaker 3:Interesting Love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that took me for a spin, for a second I'm like which emotion is it? But it's, yeah, like long pauses and ums in this episode apologies sorry, not sorry yeah, yeah, I think that's, that's a big piece for me still, and I think that really comes just from like when I, like was a single parent and like having to get used to feeling emotions by myself and then having somebody come in and being like, yeah, I can hold this with you and I'm like don't you can, but don't.
Speaker 1:I'm good yeah um, yeah, okay, all right, this one, this is also. This is a you one. Um, so, out of all of the past versions of you, which one still holds the most shame, and why?
Speaker 3:Fuck, you gave me a false sense of security with that first question. I did I really did, I would say probably my teen years um, I'm not really too sure what was going on there. To be honest, I think there was a lot of hurt there, like there was a lot of um, you know, just girls being girls in high school, and I think I was talking with you about this the other day on one of the other episodes about like I lost a friend when he was 15, um, so that was a lot of just stuff that honestly, like a 14, 15 year old just should not be dealing with. Um, it was, it was very confronting. So I kind of like numbed myself out a fair bit with you know, using my body and I would do things that you know I wasn't really supposed to be doing. Like, sorry, mum, if you're listening to this, I'm stealing my dad's cigarettes, um, and you know drinking a bit more than what my parents knew about, which they probably do know, because my mum's like a sleuth and she'll, you know again, sorry mum, it was like 20 years ago, let it go like.
Speaker 3:Now, looking back as an almost 35 year old, I'm like I feel so sad for her and I feel like I wish I wish that she didn't feel like she had to do that in order to survive and in order to be liked and all of those things. But yeah, I remember just sort of being deeply ashamed of who I was and not feeling like I was ever enough, without giving over things like that. And it was like that's how I'm liked, that's how I'm accepted, that's what I'm good for. So, yeah, I would say probably that era for me was woohoo. I just hope the moment doesn't traverse the same path.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I think it's so funny. I feel like we definitely need to do an episode on teenagers and even our teenage self and how that mirrors, because listening to this I'm like I can feel there's something Feel what.
Speaker 3:You're like yep, it's really present. Right now I feel sick. You're welcome. All right, your turn. Okay, my next question for you. If your inner child could come back and confront you yeah, I know you should see Lorinda's face right now could come back and confront you right now and stand in front of you. What would she be demanding that you stop doing?
Speaker 1:fucking ouch, ouch. It's so interesting because, like thinking about it right now, my inner child, like she's definitely not a demanding one. I don't feel like I really got that trait a little bit later. So it's interesting to like think about it. What?
Speaker 3:would she demand?
Speaker 1:What would she want from you? What does she want from me?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you fucking stunned me with that one, that's the point.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I'm trying to like pull some threads and obviously joy comes up a lot, like to, I don't know, like, maybe over analyzing, like I was definitely an anxious kid. If you couldn't fucking tell, I was a very anxious kid and I really took on a lot of what people thought of me. And yeah, I think it's like just having more joy and just doing things without asking for, like permission. And what that means is like there's been like a dance class that I'm looking at going to and I'm like okay, I need to make sure that, like, everybody else around me is fully okay before I go to a dance class, because, like, is it the right time for me to go? Like, you know, do I have the money for this? Like do I have the time to take away from my my other half? Like, and I think it's just just fucking do it like no one like, and the thing is it's actually not everybody else, like Logan will be in bed.
Speaker 1:My partner doesn't really care about that because he's like it's one afternoon and yeah, it's like you're seeking for permission for something that you don't really need. So it's like you have permission from yourself. So, like, so fucking, double, triple, quadruply. Checking that with you doing something. I definitely am that person of like ensuring that everyone feels solid before I make a decision instead of just making a decision. Yeah, that's really annoying.
Speaker 3:I feel like we're both going to come back to this episode and be like fuck, what did we say? I know, but like super stunned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's just that piece of like. The only permission that I really need to seek is myself, so why are you seeking it from other people?
Speaker 3:very profound, how fun feels gross.
Speaker 1:I'm like I can see it playing out now. I'm like thanks for that piece. You're so welcome, okay. Well, this was a nice one. Now I'm like do I find a mean one? Um, so this is the golden shadow lens oh, okay yeah, so what is something that you admire about somebody that you also want to step into, but haven't yet because you're in shit?
Speaker 3:I was speaking about this with I can't remember who it was. I'd speak to a lot of people clearly, um, I was speaking about this recently around like I really admire people who are able like super ambitious and able to build like big things, like they're able to realize their dreams. And I'm going to kind of take this in a little bit of a different direction. I think, and I think that, like what we were discussing was, I was like I have this huge fear that I'm going to kind of take this in a little bit of a different direction, I think, and I think that, like what we were discussing was, I was like I have this huge fear that I'm never going to realize what I think I'm capable of and that I'll never get the impact that I want. I'll never be able to build the business that I want and all of the things. And it's not because I'm a parent, it's not because, like, I'm married, it's not because I'm a parent, it's not because, like I'm married, it's not because of any of that, it's because of the fact that I can't step into that version of myself that would make that happen. And I think I I think I cockblock myself a lot in doing that because I think I know how to do it. And if I don't know how to do it, I've gotten a lot better at asking for help with it. But yeah, I think it would probably be like an ambition piece, like, yeah, that I can feel that there, like I know it's there, but that I really just I overthink and I think, like this is a question that or a question that I ask myself a lot and I'm really gonna fucking call myself out here um, so, if any of my clients are listening, no, you're not.
Speaker 3:Um, is like that good enough piece? It's like I'm like I honestly sometimes I look at my clients and I look at what I'm doing with them and all the things and I'm like why me? Like why are you choosing me? Like I don't get it all the time and it's so funny because so many people say to me like you're so confident and you're so sure of yourself, and I'm like bitch, no, I'm not. Like in some areas I definitely am, but there are a lot of areas where I'm not. So I guess maybe I don't know it's a hard one because, like, I'm sure of who I am and I know that I'm good at what I do. But it's also that like, just that questioning of like that's probably it actually. I wish that I wouldn't question myself so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was so funny as you were talking, talking. I'm like this is such a why me piece. I know why me, why me why, why should, why should I have this? Why? Why is it me that can do this?
Speaker 3:yeah, it's. It honestly baffles me sometimes because I'm like I just sometimes I really don't get it. I really don't, I don't, and like I find as well. It's so funny. People say to me like I get messages every single week from my clients being like you've changed my life, thank you so much, like all of that sort of stuff, and I will always throw it straight back to them like every single fucking time. I will always be like no, it's all you, babe, Like I'm just a tour guide, it's not me, it's just. It's so bizarre how you're just sort of conditioned to deflect things like that.
Speaker 1:It's so weird. Do you ever feel like you get the like when someone messages you and it's like oh yeah, that was just like really lucky. You know what? That was just really lucky, like you know, everything just fell into place and I was just here.
Speaker 3:And you're like you just really dismiss things. I don't think I do that anymore. Definitely in the beginning, but I think because of the sheer volume of clients that I've had and the fact that I haven't yet had one come through that hasn't had shifts, hasn't had improvements, hasn't like created the change that they wanted to make, I'm like, okay, well, clearly this isn't a fucking coincidence, like I'm not even, but I'm not even necessarily saying that it's me like maybe it's just the shadow work, maybe it's the breath work, maybe it's the NLP, like I I'm just like, oh, oh, yeah, okay, I guess I know stuff. Like, oh, all right, so a little bit, I guess I don't know. Yeah, yeah, what a huge question. Um, okay, your last question. Oh, my god, where did it go?
Speaker 1:oh, okay, I really don't enjoy the suspense, so hurry the fuck up all right.
Speaker 3:What is one truth about your power? We'll go with coaching because it's fun. That still scares the shit out of you you know what this is so fucking hilarious?
Speaker 1:because can you say the question again so I can fully just like sink in for a second yeah.
Speaker 3:What's the truth about your power in coaching? That still scares the shit out of you, um.
Speaker 1:I think it has to do with trauma. Ooh, because I fully believe that you alone, with experience, cannot do enough. You have to have the combined right and, like every single person on this earth, has some form of trauma, like we're just not immune to it. I feel that the thing that scares the fuck out of me is the sheer amount that I have been through and refuse to speak about. Oh, yeah not like what you say oh, interesting, I'm gonna ask you what you expected no, you're out of questions right.
Speaker 1:It's like I was talking to my sister-in-law about this the other day and there's a we were just talking about coaches and she met somebody who was just like the trauma that you have is is part of the reason that you have so much power, like you know, turning that into. And I am a person that will fucking step away from that because I'm like I don't want my trauma to be power. I don't want people to think, yes, just because I have trauma, you have power. You have power in everything that you do, right.
Speaker 1:So I really shy away from the fact that I have been through a lot and I like drop it in here and there and I use it, but I don't use it to the way that I can. I don't use my voice and create the impact that I know I can, because I don't want to speak about my experiences and take away from other people, and what I mean by that is I don't want somebody to be like, well, I don't have a big, big hero's journey. How can I create big things? You can create big things. So I stopped talking about my stuff to make sure that everyone else feels heard, instead of going the other way of going. I have been through so much and I want other people to see, who have also been through similar things, that they can do amazing fucking things in life.
Speaker 3:So it's like you don't want to share it because you're worried that you'll make other people feel small or less than because they haven't been through as much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and also, like I really hate the narrative of like the one thing that you will like it icks me is everything happens for a reason. Yeah, yeah, like that icks me and I'm like I don't want people to be like oh well, you know, you're just now using this. No, no, no, I didn't really want to go through that. I still don't really want to. So it's like the thing that scares me is that I know that there's a time where I'm going to have to step into that and, like, once it comes out, it's out.
Speaker 1:I can't take it back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can't take it back.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, so it holds like you're holding it back and it's holding you back, yeah, and I'm fully aware of it, but it scares the fuck out of me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, what a. What a great question, what a great wonderful question.
Speaker 1:Now I would love to know what you expected me to say.
Speaker 3:I don't know, I don't think it was it was going to be that profound. I just I was kind of expecting that one to be a bit lighter.
Speaker 1:Well, I expected the golden shadow to be lighter too, but you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, apparently the last ones were like oh yeah, this will be easy Nah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%. Well, that was interesting, that was super fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we hope that you have enjoyed listening to these more vulnerable shares from us. Please do let us know if you enjoy these type of conversations, because I am so fucking happy to pick Lorinda's brain more, not so happy for her to pick mine, but we are definitely happy to kind of do a little bit more. We know that the sort of more personal shares do tend to get a bit of traction, but we do like to try to balance it with creating episodes that are going to actually help you guys rather than you just getting to dig around in our closets. Um, but again, we're happy to share more of it if you found it helpful or enlightening or yeah, they do feel.
Speaker 3:Seen, um, and we would also love your answers to these questions, if you have answers to them and if you'd like to drop in and discuss anything that this has dropped in for you. Like, I fucking froth hearing answers to questions like these. It's that's why I ask I will ask every single one of my clients every single friday. It used to be like these. It's that's why I ask I will ask every single one of my clients every single Friday. It used to be like three or four reflective questions, but now I've changed it to one that just absolutely fucking smacks them between the eyes. They're like, they're all like whoa, that was a big question, but it's getting some really great conversations going and getting some really great pieces coming up that we can then work through during sessions but that they can also take to their partners or take to their friends or journal on or things like that, and it's just giving them a little bit more self-awareness and that's, yeah, basically what we're about.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and I think the curiosity that we bring as well as like, if you answer these questions, don't try and like make it make sense. No, just just answer them how you feel, like don't need to try and pull from where it's come from. It's just like how your truth right now and this is the best part about being coaches is that we get to be the space and help you pull the threads when you're ready yeah, for sure, and I mean the question as well, you can answer it however you want to answer it.
Speaker 3:like I didn't necessarily answer Lorinda's question exactly as she asked it, but I asked it, I answered it in a way that felt true for me and in a way that kind of pulled a thread for me. So you also can feel free to just whatever comes out, rather than questioning and going, oh my God, I didn't answer that question properly. I have to redo it. No, you don't Like? Whatever comes out is absolutely perfect. But again, thank you so much for joining us and we will see you next time. Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2:We've absolutely loved being here with you today, and if you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it, please leave a review or drop into our DMs.
Speaker 1:We would love to hear from you.