Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Unhinged + Unfiltered: Who gave them a mic?
#46 - What ACTUALLY Happens On A Retreat? - Lurinda's Surrender Retreat
In this episode Lurinda shares all about her "Surrender" retreat - we get an insight on the backend of what goes into this and how it is all painstakingly considered.
For busy women juggling countless roles and responsibilities, the idea of surrender feels both terrifying and desperately needed. We're experts at taking care of everyone else while abandoning ourselves, creating an exhausting pattern of control, resentment, and disconnection. The Surrender Retreat offers a rare opportunity to step away from these patterns and discover what lies beneath.
Lurinda vulnerably shares how her own journey through abandonment wounds, friendship betrayals, and fear of being fully seen led her to create an experience fundamentally different from typical personal development events. From the moment participants sign up, they're held in a container of support that extends well beyond the four-day immersion. Every detail – from airport pickups to personalized food preferences – is handled with care by Lurinda and her support person Tori (lovingly dubbed "the fairy").
What makes this retreat uniquely powerful is its holistic approach to transformation. Through four pillars – mind, voice, heart, and embodiment – participants engage with their shadows, limiting beliefs, and somatic patterns in a space of complete acceptance. The intimate setting (maximum six women) creates profound connection as judgments transform into reflections, conflicts become opportunities for growth, and walls gradually come down.
The stories of transformation are remarkable: women finding their voice, establishing clear boundaries, improving relationships, and releasing the belief that they're somehow broken. Yet perhaps most touching is Lorinda's revelation that in creating this space for others, she continues to heal herself. As she puts it: "You are loved. You are seen. You are supported." In a world that rarely offers women these gifts unconditionally, the Surrender Retreat creates a container where they become not just possible, but inevitable.
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Expression of interest
Welcome to.
Speaker 2:Unhinged and Unfiltered. Who Gave them a Mic? We're your hosts, steph and Lorinda.
Speaker 3:Warning getting triggered is not only accepted but encouraged here. This podcast will dive deep into conversations that make you really think about life. No top level.
Speaker 2:BS here, where real women get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful and hilarious reality of navigating life.
Speaker 3:Tune in for unfiltered conversations, practical tips and tools that actually work and are easily applied, and a whole lot of laughs as we navigate the ups and downs of being a woman together.
Speaker 1:welcome back to unhinged and unfiltered, and we are coming in today. Lorinda is what a day post retreat?
Speaker 3:yeah, not even 24 hours yet. Yeah, I got really confused about when it started and when it ended. Um, I think it was. Was it Friday through Sunday? Technically, thursday through Sunday? Thursday through Sunday? Okay, cool, so like four days. So today we are going to well, I'm going to interview Wren and she is going to talk to us a little bit more about the retreat experience, what it was, what happened, all of that fun shit. So I feel like retreats are everywhere at the moment, so many retreats and I feel like a lot of people. I mean like honestly, I don't even necessarily really understand what happens on retreats. I'll do like half day stuff. I'm like what do you do for four fucking days?
Speaker 1:so much, so much happens like, yeah, but it's so true. There is a lot of retreats and I think that's also part of the reason that I wanted to share, because I've been on retreats as a client and as a support coach and now like I lead them so and also I'm just like all in my feels and I want to share with the world all of my feelings.
Speaker 3:So no, like I want to learn from this. All right, cool. So first question what inspired you or why did you create the surrender retreat?
Speaker 1:yeah, so I actually had this feeling like when I was a PT, like I went to a retreat when I was a PT and I seen this woman run this retreat and I was like had this little nudge of like, oh, I'd actually PT. Like I went to a retreat when I was a PT and I seen this woman run this retreat and I was like had this little nudge of like, oh, I'd actually love to do this. And then, obviously, that nudge was like squished hard because I was so disconnected. And for me, going to a retreat is like a space where I can really drop all of my roles and responsibilities. And when we drop the roles and responsibilities, you kind of see what's underneath. And for a lot of women what's underneath is lost, is like the belief that they are broken, that they're too much and not enough at the same time, and that space was like really important. So I think my first retreat was like four well, maybe four and a bit years ago, and I still remember that feeling of being like oh, my God, who am I without the roles and the responsibilities? So, yeah, I didn't take it lightly when I started running retreats, like I also did like a retreat, mentorship, um with, like our past coach, because running a retreat is a lot more responsibility than people think, because we can do one-on-ones and you're there for an hour. We can do half-day events. We can do a full-day event but you're there for an hour. We can do half-day events, we can do a full-day event, but you're actually with them the entire time and there's so many pieces that you have to understand and there's so many nervous responses that you have to understand as well.
Speaker 1:As like conflicting personalities yeah, it's a big one Like navigating those things and also like when women drop the roles and responsibilities and the the underneath comes out, it can feel really, really hard on them. So you have to be at capacity for them, you have to be there. So I've been on retreats as a client and then did my retreat mentorship, and I think in the same year. So I did my retreat mentorship in the March last year and then September last year I ran my first major retreat because I had run a mindset weekend before, but it was my first retreat and the word surrender came to me because I tend to attract a lot of women who have control, who have walls, who have masks and it's about it's not about waving the white flag and giving up. It's about the power to stand there and let the walls down, to actually surrender and also be held by somebody else, because that's something that, as busy women, roles and responsibilities we're like we can do it all, and that's not what my retreat is about.
Speaker 3:So that's, yeah, I guess, the start of surrender what was the if any, yeah, the moment in your life when you realized that it was surrender, that it wasn't about other pieces, it wasn't about, know, fucking transformations or whatever, that it was surrender that you needed to kind of knuckle down on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's been the last two years because I guess with personal development we get caught up in growth and like doing more and being more. And there was a moment at my retreat mentorship where I actually stepped from coach to client because I told my support team like that I just I actually couldn't do it, like I couldn't lead it because I was a fraud like I was like I'm so triggered by this piece and the piece was like an embodiment of the lover and it's because I I still didn't love who was behind the walls, behind the masks. And so just having that moment, I actually remember like the moment of like running the fingers down my face and being like holy shit, I can give love to everybody else in my life but I cannot give it to myself. And so if in this moment I could actually just let it down and be witnessed by other people of giving myself love, that was the turning point for my life, like it really was just running my fingers down my face, going. I don't remember the last time that I did this. And so if I just stopped and actually felt my fingers and felt my body, what would happen?
Speaker 1:And so many pieces came up about how I had stopped taking care of myself in fear of people hurting me, because every time that I felt really good in my life, every time I felt really good in my body, someone would betray my trust. And I also was, you know, back in a relationship with Matt and I was like I have to do everything because that way, if he leaves me, then he can never say it was me or I can let him in. I can let the walls down and let him in, and for him to see me and he did so surrender was always something that was coming, because it was the last piece that I I just didn't feel obviously we get it, but what does the?
Speaker 3:you kind of skated over this, but I do want to ask this specifically what does the word surrender mean, like we know it as the dictionary meaning, but what does it mean to you?
Speaker 1:the self-trust to let it go. It means to yeah, it means so much in so many different ways, but it's the power to actually stand there and be like I trust myself so deeply that, no matter what comes at me, I trust myself that I can move forward. That like the to stand there and have the walls come down and to be fully seen, and also to like trust in whatever comes on the other side of that, you can make it. Whatever you mean, right, we've always gone through like really big experiences in life and like it was funny actually, over this retreat, um, there was a theme of like for one of the women of life keeps throwing things at me and I I actually drew this spiral because I'm like everyone in society thinks that you know, like it's all linear.
Speaker 1:Healing is not linear, just like life is not either, and so we have this spiral that goes around and around and around, and sometimes we're on top of the spiral and life feels really good, but you can't always stay there. You have to come around again and you might be at the bottom. But remembering that the spiral comes up, and something that happens as well is that if you have multiple people in your life, like children, each person has their own spirals. It doesn't mean that your spiral, which means that you're on top of the world, means that you're one of your children or not they might be at the bottom and as the woman and as the mother, we have to hold that.
Speaker 1:That why everything might be okay for us individually, collectively, as a family. It might not. You might have multiple people in your family that have spirals at the bottom. So for women it's kind of like can I just go with the flow? And like not feel the need to pull my spiral down to the bottom just because everybody else's is yeah, and then on the duality of that, the responsibility of, like I have to make sure that everybody's on top of the spiral yeah, because again we really don't have that much control.
Speaker 3:We like to think we do, but we don't yeah cool. All right, let's kind of shift gears a little bit. Let's talk about the transformations that we get from the surrender retreats, yeah, so who is this retreat really for and what sort of situation mindset whatever are the people in when they're joining?
Speaker 1:It's so funny because there's so many different people. But the biggest theme is I want change and I feel stuck, like I know. I logically know that I can get there. I'm like cognitively aware that this is a me thing and you know I have to go with the flow and I can't control everything. But their body is screaming out. If I don't control everything, it might fall apart, it might fail. I am responsible for everybody else's feelings as well, as the same time, no one seems to see me like they know what they need to do. Their mind does, but their body doesn't. Their body is holding on to so much past wounds from relationships, from family, from friendships that it feels too big.
Speaker 3:Then they don't know where to start yeah what are some of the sort of main patterns or like, let's get into a little bit more nitty-gritty, like some of the actual beliefs. So obviously they're stuck, they know what to do, so they're self-aware humans. They've probably done some self-development before they are the whole like oh yeah, I've got so much awareness for me and blah, blah, blah. We all know the type, but they're logicking everything. So what specific beliefs, patterns, shadows are they coming in with that are holding them back from truly surrendering?
Speaker 1:this retreat was a big theme. If I let love in, I will be hurt. So, like they are loved in their life, they may have partners, they may have kids, they may have like friends, but if they are to be fully seen and if they would have fully let love in, it would hurt them in some way. They may have an abandonment wound. They may have, you know, a mother or father wound, like those things of like big piece of overarching abandonment in some way, and the the reflection of that is how much they've actually abandoned themselves.
Speaker 1:Um, over responsibility is a huge one of like ensuring that every single person in their life is seen. So obviously we have like a big wound around like visibility, like I just want to be seen so much because I know what it feels like to not be seen. The control one is a huge one. Yeah, like I am trying to have plan A, b, c, D, e, so much so that it feels like chaos in their body. So they may appear like they have things together or they're trying really hard, but inside is chaos.
Speaker 3:Isn't that so funny, that piece where it's like, oh, I've got plan A, b, c, d, e, f, because it's like, no, but I'm going with the flow because if this happens and I can do this, and if this happens, I can do this, and it's like that's not going with the flow. Like going with the flow is having plan A and if that goes off the fucking rails, maybe having a plan B, because it never hurts to have a backup. But having multiple different plans like that it's so strict in like these conditions need to be met in order for that plan to fall into place. It's still a control piece. You're just trying to control every outcome instead of you know the hoped for outcome or the probable outcome. Yeah, I'd say it's probably worse, to be honest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a big theme around expression as well, like the fear that if they finally express anger, it will never end. Yeah, yeah. So if they were to be fully seen in their anger, they would be wrong or like dramatic or too much, but they feel like if they actually tap into the anger, they will be angry for the rest of their lives yeah on the other side is.
Speaker 1:It's so funny. So the women over the weekend were like so similar, but so different as well, of like, if I don't hold on to the anger, what, what do I have? Yeah, right, like, if I don't hold on to this resentment and anger and they leave me or they hurt me again, it's my fault. Yeah, that's a really big one.
Speaker 3:It was fascinating, so fascinating so fascinating because people always say to me like, oh, I'm so sorry for oversharing, I'm like there's no such thing, like tell me more, yeah, um, what makes the surrender retreat different to other retreats, other to personal development experience, like the women's circles, the day events, like there's so many different things. So like what? What are the main pieces that make this so different from those?
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is going to come from my perspective and then I'm going to share what was shared over the weekend. So something that's different about my retreat is that, essentially, as soon as you sign up, there's only one thing. You have no, sorry, there's two things you have to do one, come and two, fill out a form. Yeah right, so if you're flying to, both of the women over the weekend flew from interstate and the last retreat I had two out of the five fly interstate. Um, this retreat is, I actually do all the research of your flights and I send them to you and then from there I also pick you up.
Speaker 1:So either tori, which is my support person, or I will pick you up from the airport so you don't have to worry about ubering, and we also drop you back off. Um, when we research with the flights, we will give you, I guess, options. If you're wanting the cheapest, then we'll look for the cheapest. If you're wanting the best, so if you're having to fly direct, or you're happy to have a layover because I've done a layover for a treat as well um, we'll give you those options and we'll support you in booking those, because surrender is actually about being held, because you've done so much holding. Um, we have tori, who is my support person, and over the weekend we realized that she is our fairy. If anyone's heard the TikTok song of like, and she was a fairy, I love those. Yes, that is Tori in a nutshell, and I have been told that I need to buy her some wings because essentially, like the, this is the other thing.
Speaker 1:The gift of having a support person because I, the gift that Tori gives me is that I'm so dialed in on coaching over the weekend, like I plan everything, like I love planning the retreat, but when I'm there I don't want to think about it, I actually want to be fully immersed in it and she is that person. So we also do all of the groceries you put in your forms, like what kind of coffee you want in the morning or tea, or like we, you know, collaborate with you on making the menu, and then from there, like Tori cooks and cleans the whole weekend yeah, I need the Tori, yeah, she has everything set up for me. And also, like she essentially, like when everyone got there, I kind of just dumped things in the room and then leave, like I'm like a teenager to her, I guess, and I come back of a night and the whole room's done. Right, everything's done.
Speaker 1:If someone needs something, she'll run up to the shop, right, that is Tori. So that's the other thing of like when you're there, like you're not just held by me, but you're held by Tori. We also like you're not just held by me, but you're held by Tori.
Speaker 1:Um, we also have two weeks of pre-coaching, and that's about connection and safety, because I don't want you to come into the retreat and then just like meet people like I want you to be, like, oh, I already know this person kind of like I want to see those things and feel supported. And then we also have posts, which is integration. So we have two weeks um, things may change with that, because I do feel like integration is one of the most important things. So, yeah, we have integration, and they went home this time with an integration manual, because coming home tends to be one of the hardest parts. So we actually support you coming home. You also have like a portal that still will always be building. So you have nervous system. You'll have somatic tracking. Building so you have nervous system. You'll have somatic tracking. You'll have different bits and pieces that you get to keep forever. So the goal is that retreat will not be retreat.
Speaker 3:It will be an experience yeah, I think there's so many of those sorts of things, like especially the women's circles, where it's like you just come for an hour or two and you feel good and then you leave. Yeah, it's like, but what about the rest of it?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah. So that was like that's my perspective of like strategy wise and like the logistics, like you literally come and we like sort everything. Yeah, so it's like a proper immersion, yeah. And then, from what was uh shared over the weekend, that my coaching and my experience is different because I'm so human, because I literally was reflected back. They're like look, I've worked with different coaches and the difference is is I know so many things about you. I've never worked with you before, but over this weekend I feel like I actually know you.
Speaker 1:And yes, there is an unspoken hierarchy that happens in retreat and even with coaching. It goes me, then tori, then clients. But I'm also a person and the reason that there's a surrender retreat, the reason that women come to me with those those things, is because that was me like deeply and truly like. The retreat is not like who, who do I want to call in as my ideal client. It's cool. There's a past version of me that needs to to help other women. And yeah, I did, I really did share that.
Speaker 1:I shared that yesterday as well of like so at the retreat, I have this, this little vase, and I wrote it from Kmart years ago and I take it to actually every event, in-person event, like my women's circles. Anything I do, retreats, it comes with me. I can't not take it and I told them it's my little reminder, because there's a little part of me that comes at every retreat and it's the, it's the broken shadow, it's like deeply and truly, she comes with me everywhere and they I had the little bars in front of me and I told them this is my anchor, this is my reminder that the reason I do these things isn't because it's fun and it is but it's because there's a part of me that was putting her son to bed, who was a single mum missing her stepchildren. And I remember like this shadow is like she puts her son to bed, walks into the room, sits on her bed and cries and begs and prays that someone will see me, someone will love me and someone will support me, because I truly believe I'm broken and I share those things. It's not just a retreat to me, it's my heart, yeah, so I do bring a lot of me into these things and I learn from them.
Speaker 1:Every retreat will be similar and different because I also give feedback forms at the end and I actually tell them to be as transparent as possible. Please don't tell me I was perfect, even if you truly believe that there will be something. Yeah, and I want to learn from that and that's something that was reflected over the weekend is that I hold the teacher and the student very well and the leader, because I need to learn and it's okay to learn and there was a big safety piece around, like there's always more, but you can also be really happy with where you are right now. Yeah, so that's probably what makes it that was what was reflected to me this weekend that makes it different, that they walk away knowing like who I am yeah, love that all right, let's get a little bit less deep, but maybe not nice.
Speaker 3:We'll see what happens. We'll see, we'll see, we'll see what Walk us through like. What a day looks like Cause again. What the fuck are you doing for four days? Like what are you doing? I want to know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So this, like I said, there was similarities, but like we'll talk about the difference between the retreats, but for this retreat we have four pillars, that four pillars that happen in this retreat. So have mind, voice, heart. And then the last day is embody, because I wanted to make sure that we had it all covered, that it was an actual, not just like cool, I get to have awareness, but an embodiment experience. So that way you walk away not just knowing things but feeling things. And so the a normal day is like.
Speaker 1:So Thursday you come because it's always Thursdays we start at two, we have connection and introductions, and Tori puts out a lovely like charcuterie board and with lots of colors, and it's just, yeah, it's really beautiful and there's connection. And then we tend to do like a process that really just this time it was about perceptions of just like seeing other women without actually knowing them, and like how we you know instantly, can see things and instantly judge things. And then we tend to finish up fairly early, like maybe 5 30 on a thursday night, so that way tori can have dinner and there's lots of connection. So another big thing in the surrender retreat is really remembering the micro moments, because healing to me is actually not in the huge processes. I feel like those processes are beautiful and there's a lot of healing in it, but it's the micro moments. We go fuck, that's actually like I see that now. And so we ensure that we we always have dinner together, dinner is always together, and then we have connection and you know, we go through permission pieces and whatnot, and then we go to bed and then Friday tends to be a little bit early morning.
Speaker 1:So this time we went for a beautiful beach walk and we just connected on the beach, had breakfast, which obviously Tori prepared again, and then we start with different processes. So throughout the day there will be different processes for the theme. So Friday is voice, so we did a lot of voice activation stuff, a lot of you know seeing different things, and throughout the whole weekend this could be like breath works, this could be shadow work processes, this could be somatic processes like those are my three main ones, um, as well as like connection being a big thing. So a lot of connection exercises, for actually at both retreats we've actually had craft time. Yeah, and you're like what and it actually brings up a lot Like I actually find that those things are the things that you go. Wow. I don't remember the last time that I actually just sat and enjoyed something Well, especially when you've got fucking children.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not enjoyable with children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I guess with my coaching, there is like that underlying theme of like femininity and like embodiment of that, and that's a lot of slowness as well. So craft time is actually a really beautiful and insightful time. And then we have more processes. This time on friday, we actually this retreat, we actually process another process after dinner, both, uh, friday and saturday night, because, um, with this retreat, another big difference is just because I set an itinerary doesn't mean that that's actually going to work right. I set the itinerary from the All About you forms, from our pre-coaching, and I'm like what do we need? And then we get there and other things come up because obviously, consciously, we're filling this form out. Unconsciously, though, that's what we're working with. So that's why it changed this time, I think Saturday I didn't do anything that I had planned, not a single thing. And then Saturday is the exact same.
Speaker 1:So this time we actually did go to a dance studio on the Saturday and we did a sensory experience and that was just about being playful and having fun and, like, a lot of women that come to me are also very rigid and they struggle with being fun and playful and just enjoying the moment, because a lot of women want to be really present with their children, but they struggle to be present with themselves. Did the sensory experience? And that was, yeah, that also brought up a lot of things, but it was beautiful, um, yeah, and then we finished Saturday. So essentially around the four days, oh, we finished on Sunday, um, but around the four days there's lots of different processes and everything is intentional. So if there's slowness, it's for a reason. If there's um an embodiment, it's for a reason. If there's a beach walk, it's because it's a beautiful time. So it's really about like where, where are the gaps in your life right now? And let's like see how we can add to them and fill them beautiful, so we're talking processes yeah, what do you mean?
Speaker 1:yeah, so a process could be like a visualization. Um, when I say process, it's essentially very similar to like an exercise, right, like. But to me processes are much bigger. So it could be embodiment, which is like actual moving, could be an emotional release, which is like actually feeling into the emotions of your body and allowing them to be experienced. Um, steph would know as well like we have shadow shift processes, so we meet the parts of ourselves um and like, start listening to them and start seeing what they need and integrating them.
Speaker 1:Um, we also like work on beliefs. So, like, what belief is? Like keeping us in survival mode and like, because we don't really, I don't, I don't think. I think you're very similar. It's not really limiting belief, it's like survival beliefs, because our nervous system is white for survival. Our body doesn't understand that. It's limiting us.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, so we were like, essentially, it's like these big exercises where you go into your body and then we have like um little exercises throughout as well, like, um. An example was um, like voice mapping, so somatically, you just start saying the things and starting to notice the connection to your body, because when we say things like one of the one of the things over the weekend was I'm fine, and and we say it and you're like, yeah, that sounds all right. And then I'm like, now, say it how you want to say it. And it was like, oh, I want to say it like this, I'm fine, and notice how your body reacts with actually saying things that you want, because we also abandon our voice and our needs. So, yeah, it could be visualizations, it could be breath work. It could be visualizations. It could be breath work.
Speaker 3:It could be movement what or how, because obviously we talk a lot like, but there's a lot of different modalities that both of us use when we're talking. Modalities, like you know, even in shadow work there's multiple modalities. If, if you ask me, like you've got your visualizations, you've got your shadow shifts, you've got your emotional embodiments, you've got your somatic practices, like you've got your belief shifts, like all of those sorts of things, how do you decide which one of these to use for what? Like what roles are they all playing and how do you bring all of them in? Like what are they each doing?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So somatics to me is the biggest thing, because part of surrender is also connection. Part of my work is also like you want better relationships with you know, your partner, your kids, your friends, but it's about healing the relationship to yourself. How can you heal the relationship to yourself if you don't have a connection to your body, if you don't understand the activation that's happening, if you're not understanding why your heart is heavy when you say something? So throughout pretty much every process, or even like even craft, I would ask them right, I will get you to connect with what your body is saying. So that will always be like the big, the biggest modality I have in that is semantics. And then we have like shadow work in regards to the. The whole surrender retreat is the shadow work because every part, every process has a part coming out. So even when it's voice mapping or when it's going for a walk on the beach, it's noticing which part is alive. So that could be just through talking, that could be just through feeling or that could be the visualization when we go and meet the part.
Speaker 1:So for one process I decided to do a belief process because I kept hearing the same thing over and over again, and so I decided to do that with the permission piece of during your visualization, if something else comes, let it. And so one of them actually met her shadow and got to become the shadow, and so she got to feel that where the other one still stepped, kept with the belief, and so it's always about following the thread. So during that process they had two different processes, but I held the container because the permission piece of, like I will set this, but if something else comes, listen to what you need. So it's all about like hearing what my clients are saying and watching the body right, because if they were like saying this belief and their tonality was okay but their body was like contracting, then we would go into a belief shift. But if I kept hearing something like I am, I am, I am, I am or I don't want to feel that, then you would go cool.
Speaker 1:What's actually going to be best? Is it going to be best to meet the part of us that is speaking right now, or is it going to be best to experience it? And in a very woo-woo way, I just feel the nudge, because something that was also reflected for me personally was how much I actually trust my decision making, because if I feel that during the process it needs to go somewhere else, I will shift. So I don't know if that answers your question, but it's just about feeling into like what, what they need, yeah.
Speaker 3:I'd love to know a little bit about, like, the group setting, because obviously when we're in group it completely can shift dynamics right. Like people come to you as the coach and they feel a connection to you and to what you're speaking about, but then they're obviously on these retreats with other people and although a lot of them are coming in with similar issues, some of them are different personality. Like then you've got tori involved, then you had a couple of other people come in as well, like photographers and other support. So, like, what do you do to ensure that everybody is feeling that safety, that intimacy and the ability to let go with so many different personalities to manage?
Speaker 1:yeah, well, first thing is there's a like. You'll see retreats that are huge. That is not something that I value like. Do I believe you're going to get huge results out of it? Fuck, yes, because you're going to get so many things reflected back to you. But one of my biggest thing is connection and intimacy. Like, I actually really love it. So I'll never take more than six people as clients, but that's why we have pre-coaching as well, because I actually give them full permission to start to notice where they are judging.
Speaker 1:Because judgments that actually came up a lot in this retreat as well around like how judgments are actually a natural human thing and it will show you two things. One, if you're judging somebody, it might be a value, right, you're like I wouldn't do that, like that's something that I actually do not stand for. Well, the other thing it's reflecting back. Right, I had a judgment this weekend about um, so during the playfulness, I was silly, I was playful, I was dancing around like a fairy and it reflected back pieces of like where they don't allow themselves. So judgments are really great for like noticing perception. So getting more friendly with judgments and maybe you don't see it straight away um, and that's part of also a lover to death. That's part of the reason tori's there as well, because tori is her own neuro spicy person, who I love to death, and she reflects a lot back to people and so it's like getting friendly and also a lot of permission. So when we actually did a judgment exercise and I would be like, hey, tori, can I share a judgment with you? And then you have to give them permission, yes or no, because sometimes it's okay to say no. So there's a lot of like, consent and talking and knowing when to partner with partner that and knowing when not to right, because it can be really beautiful to partner somebody who is reflecting so many things back to you and it can be really beautiful not to, because it's about noticing how you built the safety.
Speaker 1:So that's why day one tends to be not that big. It's about connection, it's about safety, it's about permission and then having, because at this time I had my stepdaughter come in and fill content and then I also had a photographer the following day and there was a question about, like, how we like, how do you feel about that? And I'm like, for me, I actually trust these people. So, like anyone that comes into my space. It's because I deeply trust them and also they've been spoken to multiple times about nervous systems, about knowing when to back off, about not being in faces, about just like always leading with compassion and always making sure that, like they don't guide anybody right.
Speaker 1:I'm that person, and so for my stepdaughter to come in, it was actually a really beautiful time because she got to share things and they also felt like they got to hold her, and then we had a really big chat after it and it was like, yeah, I'm actually so glad that she came and for them to know that if there's anything that they didn't want either the photographer to hear or for my stepdaughter to hear, that they would just look at them and go, hey, I'm just going to ask you to walk away. And there's actually no negative feelings whatsoever. And then the other way, if something was to come up that was to like trigger and break any connection, those people would walk away because it's not their job to hold it. It's mine, yeah, so it's just permission and also getting friendly when we're like judging somebody or when we have a confliction and a lot of the time it's because people don't know how to conflict resolute, true that?
Speaker 3:I guess we can't really talk on this retreat yet because it was only on the weekend, but from the previous one, what kind of shifts did you see in the women who did come, like sort of after they returned home? Obviously, you know, the day after they returned home is one thing, but weeks afterwards, what has been shared with you in that regard? I?
Speaker 1:can now speak what I want. I now know my boundaries. I've lost weight. A big one which is also like, even though they're still landing, is I'm not actually I don't need fixing because I'm not broken. I may feel it, but I am not. Relationships have improved significantly. People's sex lives yeah, yeah, that's a big one, and just like knowing what they want. Right, like knowing what they want and having the ability to either say it or go after it. Yeah, yeah love that.
Speaker 3:Obviously you spoke about the integration manual yeah which should speak to how important it is. But how exactly are you supporting integration like? What does that look like post-retreat?
Speaker 1:yeah. So yesterday when we were finishing up, we went through some questions and one of the questions is what do you need from me? Just because we're not in a group setting doesn't mean like I'm not here, so what do you need from me and what does that look like? And if that changes, you need to let me know so it could be through like checking in every day. It could be through coaching. We also have an integration call, so we get there like I think that will be next week and we just go through whatever kind of pops up, because integration is a big time um, with the integration manual inside that is nervous system responses just for education, wise um, some processes that they can do at home that are quick and easy, some reminders, and also a big piece about one of the hardest parts of coming home from a retreat is trying to articulate what happened.
Speaker 1:Right, like holy shit, like I met so many parts of myself. Or holy shit, like I'm actually not broken. Holy shit, this like. And it's the reminder that they went through a lifetime experience over the weekend but other people did not. So they're going to feel really, really great, right, they're going to feel like up here, like so amazing and not realizing that life still happened. So that's, there's that, that importance as well. Um, and so another thing that we did this time as well was if I go quiet so obviously over the two weeks, what tends to happen is some people might drop off because they're just like overwhelmed with.
Speaker 1:The thing that we did this time as well was if I go quiet so obviously over the two weeks, what tends to happen is some people might drop off because they're just like overwhelmed with the amount, because we're going from like a retreat where there's no roles and responsibilities, to holy shit, I have roles and responsibilities again. So if I go quiet, I would like you to, and then xyz, so I would like you. I think one of them was I need you to tell me this, this and this, and I would like you. I think one of them was I need you to tell me this, this and this, and I'm like cool, I can do that. So I'm still in the energy of that. So it's like Monday to Friday support, our call, our integration manual. Yeah, there's a few things that we do. Yeah, yep.
Speaker 3:What would you say to somebody who is feeling called to go to a retreat either yours or somebody else's, whatever, yeah, depending on what they're looking for but is feeling scared or like unsure if it's for them, unsure if they're ready, like all of those sorts of bits and pieces?
Speaker 1:yeah, if you're feeling called to a retreat, first one, do your research. There's, like you said, there's so many out there and I don't take my job lightly and I don't think any retreat like I think any coach really but with a retreat is do that, do your research right. Are they qualified, do they have healing modalities, do they have experience in holding more than one person at a time? That is really really important. Um, and obviously look at, like, the intention of the retreat as well, which is really important.
Speaker 1:If you're feeling scared, that's actually very normal, because if you're feeling scared, I would ask actually very normal, because if you're feeling scared, I would ask yourself what are you scared about? Are you scared that you're going to meet something that you're not sure how to move through? Are you scared to a big one is just like that I don't also take lightly. Is that you have to leave your family, so like, are you scared to leave your family? Are you scared to ask for even more support because they're gonna have to support your life while you're away? Have a look at the reasons that you are scared and it may not be the time for you, and that's okay. A big question that I ask is what's the risk? Right, and if you've done something and you're trying to change and it's not working, could you do something differently? And just have a think about what it would feel like? Like this is specifically for my retreat. What would it feel like to be finally held, because that's a big one and it's four days, right, like, yes, it sounds scary, it's allowed to be, because being scared is also okay, but know that you will. In my retreat, you will be supported from the moment that you sign up, that I'm also a person and I value connection and bring it all, just bring it all yeah how has hosting retreats changed you as a person like and a facilitator?
Speaker 1:yeah, I was talking to Matt about this last night because last retreat there was multiple people like and I'm going to be really transparent about this because I can be which means that I did make money, let's just go financially right now. I did make money and that felt really good and this retreat not really. But I said to Matt last night I looked at him and I was like I feel so fulfilled, like there was not one part of me that was like cool, there's only two. Maybe I postponed it. There was not one part of me that was like let's do that. I feel so fulfilled in my heart.
Speaker 1:The gift of running a retreat, of watching women, I guess as even as just a coach, but like you see people in their potential, you see so many different things about them and watching them see it for themselves in like real time, in a space like that, is something that I still have. Pinch me moments like holy shit. I just watched this entire moment and that is worth so much more. It's fulfilled me in so many ways that I cannot describe and it's changed me because one every woman that comes. I actually like to use this as my own little experience because they reflect things back to me. I'm also a person, which means I also judge, I see things that I don't necessarily see all the time and, uh, the abandonment wound is something that I'm still moving through and that was really apparent over the weekend. With them as well. I'm like, oh, I didn't see that.
Speaker 1:So the women that come are also mirrors, because I mentioned, the women that tend to come tend to be past versions of me, or even present versions of me, so they're mirrors. So it means I get to see even more of myself. I get to learn and love learning and, as a coach, expand my capacity, and running the retreats has brought me a deep level of self-trust and that was like one of the things that somebody reflected back to me. They're like it actually triggers me the fact that you know who you are, because I actually, for this retreat, walked into this retreat feeling the most stable, the most at home that I had ever felt because one. I'm really happy with my skill set and confident, and I know who I am and I know my purpose. So the retreats show many different things and it's not something that I foresee myself stopping beautiful yeah, what is the biggest piece?
Speaker 3:It's getting nitty gritty. What's the biggest piece for you personally? That this retreat has reflected back to you as something that either you were like, oh, what the fuck, how did I not see that? Or oh, there's some work to be done here.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So this like really coincides with the fact that I'm doing the advanced certification and I'm doing the advanced certification in shadow alchemy and I was like, yeah, cool, I'm gonna learn some new cool processes. But I've been absolutely slammed with being so fucking triggered. It wasn't like the, the education piece for the certification, it's the embodiment. And over the weekend I got to see a perception of myself that I hadn't seen.
Speaker 1:So something that came up for me in my retreat mentorship was watching, um, the two main facilitators friendship and being like I don't have somebody in my day-to-day life, like I don't have somebody like physically next to me, like all of my beautiful friends, including you, are so fucking far away, so rude, honestly.
Speaker 1:And it was reflected back to me with Tori this weekend about, one, the way that she sees me and two, how I do have that I have a huge friendship wound because I've been portrayed so many times and it was reflected back to me that I do have people in my life that care about me, who actually see me. Because I was in this belief that like no one fully sees me and that was reflected back to me and I just sobbed that like I literally got to go home to a man who loves me. Literally I know the next day that I'm going to be talking to you, that, like people checking on me, that Tori literally truly believes in me, because I felt so fucking lonely and I didn't realise how lonely I had felt, but also didn't realize that I'm actually not alone, that there was an extra wall that I could actually put down. And I did and I feel loved, truly, truly loved, and I didn't think I would feel that loved and I didn't think I would feel that.
Speaker 3:It's funny how our perceptions and reality are often two very different things, and it's like it's never ceases to amaze me the way that we can create these whole situations that don't even exist in our minds and then, as soon as something's reflected back to us, or broken or like shattered or whatever, like a belief or something like that I'm talking, not you that you're like oh, that was a bit silly wasn't it.
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, that like, yeah, that was the um, so funny. I also feel like I had a belief that I'm hard to connect with, which is really funny when I'm like I bring my whole human right. But I was just like, but, like. So when I dropped off Lisa to the airport yesterday, so one of the women, um, it was so funny. So on the first day, just to get really woo woo.
Speaker 1:So normally when we go to retreats with Tori or I do anything with Tori, even go to coffee, there's always like a kookaburra.
Speaker 1:So because Tori's mom has passed away and her little beautiful spirit animal is a kookaburra, last retreat she was really annoying and that's her personality, like, like that playful. But this time, like it was on the first day and in the last, I guess, year, there was always like this rainbow, like the little rainbow lorikeets that pop up and to me that represents my pop, who passed away, and I see one like every time. And when I went to drop Lisa off to the airport she kind of like dawdled in the car and then got out, and so when I dropped her off and got back in the car, there was this rainbow lorikeet on my seat, on your seat. Yeah, they had brought me a stuffed, oh, stuffed rainbow lorikeet and I sent them a message and I was just like, oh, like is this mine? And they're like yeah, check your dash. And on my dash was an envelope, and in the envelope was three cards, three letters that I had written to me, and yeah, yeah, I'm in the.
Speaker 3:I can imagine. I can imagine the ugly tears.
Speaker 1:Like, oh, so many ugly tears and laugh because there were some inside jokes as well, but each one of them was just like. One of them was was like I'm just so grateful I get to call you a friend, and that was like, oh, this fucking friendship wound that I didn't think I had but I do. And I, oh my god, like, yeah, it was just the best way to end, like that's something that I, I truly feel grateful for, like to end the entire retreat with those letters and something that I and this is the thing right when people don't realize. So another thing that was reflected over the weekend is being loved, and only looking at the ways that you want love or that you feel like you're receiving it.
Speaker 1:So, like in relationships, we're like, oh, he doesn't love me, he doesn't do anything for me meanwhile, goes to work 12 hours days, comes home, make sure he gives you a kiss as you walk into the door, make sure, like he asks about your day, he's like, oh, we or we never have intimacy, or we never do this, or we don't have date. Like and you're only looking through one lens. And it was very funny because on day one and it was the only time I mentioned, it was like, oh yeah, for mother's day I received maybe it was day two when Sade was there I was like for mother's day I received um cards from each person in my family and I'm like, if that's all I get from somebody, that actually means the world to me, because I love words of affirmation in a card that I get to keep forever. And for each one of them to write me a letter was literally like the best thing ever, love that, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3:Last question If you could instill one message into every single woman who comes through one of your retreats or your world, whatever, what would it be?
Speaker 1:you are loved, you are seen. You are hurt. You are supported. Yeah, you are supported, yeah love it actually.
Speaker 3:I do have one more question when's the next surrender retreat?
Speaker 1:yes, yes, yes. I'm like, yeah, I'm like already planning the next one, because I'm like I want to go back um, so we run. The goal for, like this year is to run two. So we've run our first one and then we'll run another one mid-October. The dates are still being finalized but, yeah, it will be mid-October um for the next one, which is really exciting already well, thank you so much for chatting and giving us a bit of a behind the curtain.
Speaker 3:Look at what retreats look like, or what your retreats look like. Obviously, if anybody is interested in attending the surrender retreat, I'm assuming that it's not quite open yet, but make sure that you're following lorinda, because she posts about it when she's, when she's um, planning them and all of the things. So I'm sure that expressions of interest will come up soon.
Speaker 1:Yes, they will. I think it will be this week that the interest will come out and, like I said before, we only take six and obviously the earlier that you get in, the more extended payment plan that you get as well.
Speaker 1:So like that's something that we don't really talk about is that my retreats actually have like long-term payment plans, um, because I know how hard it is.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, so we have.
Speaker 1:We already have actually some expressions of interest for the next one, um. So if you're wanting to do that, I guess the process for that is fill out the form and then we get back to you and we have a connection call. And a big thing that I know both of us have as well is that these are actually no pressure calls, especially when it comes to my retreat, right, yeah, because if you're not, like they're scared, and then there's like a next level, like if you're not actually ready for this and I will tell you, um, then I will let you know, and if you decide it's not for you, then it's like like there's no me chasing you, because it's an experience and it needs to like be a match for you or to feel good, and you're allowed to be scared, but then, yeah, there's that next level. So even if you jump on a call with me, doesn't mean that I'm going to sell you into it, because I'm just going to listen and ask you some questions to make sure that this is actually the right fit for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, beautiful, thank you. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode. Again, if you have loved this or you want to talk to Lorinda more about her retreats or her one-to-one spaces, you can reach out to her. Her instagram bio is in the show notes. But we will see you next week for the next chat. Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2:We've absolutely loved being here with you today and if you have enjoyed today's episode as much as we have enjoyed recording it, please leave a review or drop into our DMs. We would love to hear from you.