The Shadow Diaries
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
The Shadow Diaries
Boundaries, Business, and Being Seen With Guest Steph Dickson
Lurinda sits down with her sister-in-law Steph to trace a raw path from over-giving and anxiety to boundaries, receiving, and award-winning service.
Steph shares how hypnotherapy, somatic work, and shadow work reshaped her life and business—and why she believes personal and professional growth are the same path.
In this episode:
• Moving from Australia to Canada and learning to receive love
• High standards, expectations, and the cost of poor boundaries
• Codependency awareness and the power of validation
• Regulating anxiety through exercise and nervous system work
• Breakthroughs through hypnotherapy and somatic therapy
• Reframing selfishness and integrating shadow work
• Human Design insights and surrendering control in leadership
• Authentic marketing that prioritizes safety and feeling
• Choosing community over competition in the beauty industry
• Shifting from should to could for sustainable change
• Steph’s practical advice for starting your growth journey
• How to work with Steph through coaching and training
If you’re ready for real conversations about healing, embodiment, and business that make you squirm in the best way—subscribe now.
Reach out to us on Instagram!
Steph is here and Lurinda is here.
Welcome back to the Shadow Diaries.
SPEAKER_00:This isn't a deer diary. It's a deer shadow. Here we are pulling the curtain back to the good, the bad, and the ugly. To bring light to those deep inner thoughts and feelings you keep on having but are too ashamed to admit to. To provide a safe space and get radically honest about what's holding you back and what shadow work really is. This isn't surface level.
SPEAKER_01:It dives deep into your soul to meet it with acceptance and compassion. There is no need to hide. All is welcome. This can be a space where you learn and receive real women, real stories, real shadows.
SPEAKER_00:This is a Shadow Diaries, and your story starts now.
SPEAKER_01:Hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode. And today I am joined, I say this for every guest, but this one's actually really special because she's actually my family. And no, I'm not married into the family yet, but it's more than enough. So I am joined by my sister-in-law who lives in Canada, runs a beautiful business, is always doing something, and it's so special for her to jump on today because one, I can tell she's a little nervous, and I'm a little nervous to ask some questions as well. Let's be real. But it's also special because her journey is something that I really admire. I met Steph. Oh God, what was it? When did I meet you?
SPEAKER_03:A long time ago.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, I've been in Matt's life now.
SPEAKER_03:I can't believe I've been here uh 16 years. Like I'm like sometimes I don't feel like I'm 16 years old, let alone haven't lived in Canada 16 years.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So it's been a long time, and like watching Steph's journey has been one that I've always admired. So, Steph, I'm gonna hand it over to you to do your lovely introduction to everybody. So tell us who you are.
SPEAKER_03:Uh well, I'm Steph. I am a beauty business coach. I run my own nail and lash business in Canada, and I've recently kind of moved into the online space. And so I am just very excited to kind of share my journey. It's been an interesting one, it always is. Constantly evolving is kind of my theme. Um, so yeah, I'm just super excited to be here to share that.
SPEAKER_01:Beautiful. Now we're gonna kick it off straight away. You didn't grow up in Canada, you did move 16 years ago. What was well, what what was the reason that you stayed? And what was the reason that you went over?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I guess initially I, well, first of all, my mom's Canadian, so I wanted to come over here at some point in my life to meet that side of my family. Um, my sister had been here eight years before I came over, and basically I was a little bit unhappy with where my life was in Australia, and I just was talking to her about it. She said, like, why don't you just go? Just go to Canada, go meet the family, see what it's like. I booked a 10-month ticket and I left three weeks later. Oh my god. It was two years before I even came back to Australia the first time, so I cancelled my return ticket. And when I came back to Australia, I had bought a return ticket to Canada because I knew in my heart I was just I was sold, I needed to go back. The relationships that I had built were so different than what I had experienced in my life, and oh, I'm already getting emotional.
SPEAKER_02:I'm like, better make sure I have the tissues nearby.
SPEAKER_03:Um, I guess I grew up in a very strong family. So to be surrounded by people who were so warm and soft was a really different environment for me. So it was kind of like a whole finding myself and learning to even just hear my own thoughts, my own feelings, and that was challenging on its own. Um, obviously, our conditioning, our upbringing, our experiences are so loud, and that voice in your head becomes so prominent that you start to lose that voice in your heart. And I think for me, stepping into this space and taking control of my business and moving forward in a way that was just authentically what I wanted was exactly what I needed to kind of give myself that confidence.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I think in the hit the nail on the head, like somebody with even really great, and I'm doing great with quotation marks, everybody, um means that like doesn't mean that it's not hard on somebody. Doesn't mean that you don't feel lost in the world, like you can still have a really beautiful upbringing and then still feel like, oh my god, I need to get out. So it just sounds like there were so many different perspectives that were happening. Now, I'd love to know how those first few years in Canada, what was like the main point of you staying?
SPEAKER_03:Uh honestly, I think it for me it was this weird feeling of like such a level of freedom because in a in a family growing up that the we were so proud and so strong, and we knew that we were capable of anything. And so there was always this expectation that we put on ourselves. And coming to Canada, I was 19 and I was like, oh my gosh, wow, there's no adult looking over my shoulder. Like, I could just do whatever I want, you know, I'm just free. And it was really weird in the beginning. And I I found a family so quickly that I bonded with so fast that it was almost like I thought that that freedom was what I wanted, but it actually wasn't that at all. It was just that total surrounding of that outer love, that really expressive, really you can see it, you can feel it, there's no denying it, they're fighting over you kind of love. But I I knew that I felt that with my own family, but the way we show it, our love language is a little bit different. So it was really it was strange for me. And then I found this new part of myself, this lighter, warmer, more relaxed, just more mindful version of me that wasn't always pushing forward. So I found that being exposed to that environment, I just didn't want to leave. And when I did leave, I wanted to come back. I knew these this environment was going to support that part of me that felt that I was kind of missing that nurturing that I guess through my upbringing. I look back now and I do see these experiences and I remember those experiences, but that feeling just wasn't the same. And perhaps I wasn't the right person to receive it at the time at the time, which again has been a huge part of my personal development journey, just learning the ability to receive and that that is safe. Even still now, I feel like I'm like choking on the words of that. So it's been a wild ride.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's so beautiful. I'm just like thinking about all the words and like this receiving piece because there's so many women that really struggle still to receive love and outward love without like expectations. You mentioned like having these expectations on you that you've put on yourself. How have you been going since like landing in Canada and staying in Canada with these particular expectations that you put on yourself? Like, is this something that still comes up for you? Is it something that lingers, or is it like some of them actually just fell away?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I would say that some of those deeper expectations of myself will probably never fall away. I will always hold myself to extremely high standards. I will always feel that if I want something to change, I need to do it. You know, that's something that I've really learned in this period is that living in Canada by myself, or not by myself. I'm surrounded by love. Obviously, that's why I chose to stay. But choosing to stay in Canada for me was this choice of like, wow, you're making this big decision for you, and now you're gonna see all of these parts of you that you didn't even know were there. And so it it's yeah, it's just been a really, I actually don't even remember what I'm like, where am I even going with this? What were we even talking about? I love that. Happens to everybody, the expectation. It's literally in my day-to-day. I'm doing my job, and sometimes I look at the finished product, I'm like, how did I even get here? Like, I am a master and I have no idea how it happened. It's kind of like driving, right?
SPEAKER_01:You know, you just get there and you're like, uh oh, I know I got here safely, but yeah, but it always tends to come back. You tend to come back and you're like, oh, that's what I was talking about. But yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure it will. Yeah, but also like the this is what I also love about shadow work as well, is like these expectations that you put on yourself, like, yes, they can be really hard many, many times, but also it just sounds like there's a gift because like the gift of this like hard working and the striving and the dedication, it's actually got you to hear.
SPEAKER_03:And so Yes, I yeah, I definitely think that the expectations that I have put on myself have definitely hindered me from doing things because I'm afraid that if I do it, I'm not gonna do good enough. But at the same time, I also know on the other half of me that I'm capable of doing anything because I have been taught that if you want something, you just keep working, you keep working harder. You there's no such thing as slowing down, you just push further, you find a different resource, you don't take no for an answer, and you keep trying until you succeed. Like that, that is the only option. And I do that value is so important to me, and I love that value, but it does find that for me, I do a struggle with the slowdown because that expectation that I put on myself is like keep building, keep going, you can keep doing more, keep bringing more people in, keep creating more space. Like, even just in my business, there's very little boundaries because I feel like I want to help everybody. That's just that's just how it has become that way. And I almost feel like this obligation because I've done so much work that I can share that in smaller messages that maybe I can get through to people in a way. And so I have seen that even just with my clients. Like the relationships that I've developed are extremely beautiful. Like I have we're so much more than nail tech to a client. Like I'm going to a sound bath with a client on on the weekend that recently lost somebody in her family. And I called her yesterday and said, let's do this. So, you know, we do we sit for long periods, we spend time with these people. That's very intimate. Most people don't spend one-on-one time with people every three weeks and talk about how they're feeling. And so when we're in this service industry, we almost have this obligation to do work on ourselves so that we can not only carry that space, but so that we can support the people in a way that's actually gonna benefit them and be healthy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I literally love that because obviously being a coach, we have a responsibility to continue to do our own work so we can hold more people. And for you being a beauty business coach and for being a nail tech, you're like you've already taken on that responsibility of like, I want to hold people the way that feels really good to them, which also mirrors your experience when you came to Canada of being like, I came here and I was just I've given so much love, and now you're doing that for the people that come into your studio and into your spaces, and just you're always like a giver. You've like from the moment I met, you've always been the giver. So I'm a great giver and I'm not a good receiver.
SPEAKER_03:And I truly think that that's also why, like, when I first moved to Canada, why it was so easy for me to stay in this environment because like it was really weird that people chose to just love me. Like they didn't know me, they had no connection to me, they just loved me for me, and that felt really strange. And even still now, like I think about that, I'm like, wow, that's such a weird it's so strange to me that you know I guess my relationship with love is now that this is a conditional expectation that there has to be giving in order to be receiving. And so when I'm when I'm surrounded by people who are just givers, it feels really strange for me to even allow that to come into my space. So I do feel those walls come down and I do feel that warmth come in. And I'm like, oh, this is actually feels nice. Like you should let this in. Like, you know, even just with compliments, I I talk to my clients because I'll give them a compliment and they're like, Oh, thanks, you know. Oh, just another day. And you're like, you're welcome. Like, how about you just let that soak in for one second? Just it's oh, yep, deflecting with humor. That's that's how we do it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, oh my goodness. All of that I'm like having a little giggle because I can feel that in my own body where you're like giving someone a compliment and they don't take it, and you're like, I need you to take it because I'm actually meaning what I'm saying. But if somebody gives me a compliment, I'm like, stop talking. Please. Um, cool. So this like holding other people and giving to people, and we talked a little bit about personal development. When did you actually come into personal development? When did you really start taking the reins on your own journey and your own mental health?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I guess for me, when I first moved to Canada, I had been in touch with my sister, and she was really struggling with her own mental health at the time. And she had been seeing some doctors, and it was the first time in my life that I had seen people who I felt so strong show feeling, like show true vulnerability. And so that was kind of an example for me to be like, oh, okay, this is okay. Like, it's okay that I'm that I'm not okay. Like, it's okay that I'm struggling and that I feel all these big feelings. And I guess when you're growing up, you're kind of told that you know, enough is enough, and to bite your lip and hold that together and to not be so emotional, or to not be so much, or to just, you know, be out of sight and out of mind, or you know, you're allowed there, but don't speak or interrupt the situation. Like you can stay as long as you like, as long as you don't cause a scene or disrupt the you know the situation. And so I I guess seeing my sister go through this period was like really awakening to me that wow, okay, maybe I also have some like really deep shit that I need to work through. And then I would say, probably about 10 years ago, I started working actually with a counselor at the time. Um, he wasn't very good, but he did lead me into a program that was called Aware, and it was a program that was run through one of our local churches, which I'm not religious, but it wasn't a religious program. Like there is, in a way, there is a step-by-step process, but it was called aware and it was about codependency. And I had never heard of this term before, and so exactly what it's called, I became aware. I spent a week with these people. There were eight of us in the group, they do this for free, they run this program in our local town. I milk multiple times a year. Um, I became educated on what codependency is. I found out in my mind, I always thought, you know, if there's that dependency, then there's that push and pull. So there's two people in that relationship. So then it was like, okay, which one am I? Every time I move forward into something, I was like, which one am I? Because I definitely feel this need to be needed and this need to give in order to love myself. And so I did this course and it was just like a huge awakening. And I came home with all these. Every day I came home, I was like, wow, you guys, like I totally thought when your friend told you that you know she was having a hard time and her boss is an arsehole that you're supposed to tell her to quit. And that what she actually just needs is you to be like, man, that sounds like shit. I'm sorry. Like she doesn't need action, she just needs validation, she just needs to be heard. And I think for me, that was the first like big awakening was this realization that we don't always need action, we just need to be heard, we just need to feel seen, and we just need to feel that that support is there for us to ride that wave. Like, we don't need somebody to fix it, it's gonna make its way through regardless. We just need somebody there to make sure we don't drown in the process, like you know, so it was very interesting for me to go through that first portion, and then from there I started kind of moving more into professional development. I ended up with a psychiatrist in our town who um just put me on an anxiety medication, which really made a huge difference for me. I found like I didn't even know really, I knew what anxiety was, but I didn't realize that basically every symptom you could possibly have is like the symptoms of anxiety is like you know 20 pages long. Pretty much everything can be related to anxiety in some way or other, or stress hormones and all those things. And I guess being in this moving all the time, running all the time, I my body didn't even know what it was like to have these down periods. So the first thing my psychiatrist had me do was like, every day, I want you to get your heart rate up higher than it regularly is, which is high because you're fluttering like this all the time. So she was like, every day, I want you to increase it higher than that, even if it's five minutes of really high impact, so that you stop and your body learns a natural level and can come back down to where it should be in that relaxed state because your fight and flight is running all the time, your body has no regulation, and so that was kind of the first thing. And so I started implementing exercise, which I'm a very uncoordinated person. It was not something I've really done before, but I found like I was blown away by how much it made a difference. The days when I was exercising, I was more energized, I was less agitated, and I worked with that doctor for a little while. She thought perhaps I might have ADHD as well. Um, so she wanted to try an ADHD medication. Didn't really do anything for me. I just was the same. So she was like, hey, well, this obviously isn't it. You may have ADHD, but it's probably mild. Um, now knowing a little bit more along, I for sure definitely do a cancer still ever, either that or something else, some kind of situation. Uh she used to like to say on like a little ice cream sundae, a little sprinkle of a few different things, a little OCD, a little ADHD, a little anxiety. I was like, perfect. So what are we attacking today? Um and then I I worked with that doctor for quite a while, did a lot of counseling, and I kind of just felt like I was running on the hamster wheel over and over and over again, talking about the same thing. And to be honest, from there we hit COVID. And so the doctors were all moved around. So in that period, I went through one year of counseling with six different counselors. So it was hell because every single time it was like, hey, let's let's tell me your story. And it was like my last counselor that said, like, okay, you know how you got here. So how about you tell me what you're dealing with right now? And so, like, it was the first time I'd ever just been like, Oh, okay, let's just get into the now, let's just get into exactly how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling that way. And so it was really interesting. I worked with her for a couple of years. I basically got to a point where I felt that between all of my different resources that I was feeling really confident, I came off my medication. And then from there, I um after everything kind of settled down and and everything kind of went back to normal work-wise, um, I kind of simmered down on counseling. I wasn't going as much. Um, to be honest, I'm not sure if she was even still there because when I called back to try to book, they nobody could tell me anything because people were just constantly being moved around. Um, but I felt like I was kind of in a good place and I'd been doing a lot of exercise, and I could see that my my behaviors are very addictive. So I went from all in to the counseling to all into exercising six days a week, to I'm all into everything. So it was like I was working out so much and I was so exhausted, and I just kind of went straight into like a burnout period, and it just kind of went to shit. And it affected work, and I was just calling like I work for myself, so it's easy. I would just message my clients and say, I can't do it today. And then I would then carry the stress of trying to fit them in because I'm somebody who wants to repay that and try to fix that situation. I would never give myself the grace to just be like, you know what, like I can't, I don't have the capacity to do this job today, and you're gonna have to go somewhere else. Like, that's a boundary that I've only come to, I would say, in the last year. Um but I had started developing some really bad uh panic attacks and anxiety around flying, which when your family lives on the other side of the world is not really an option. Yeah, so it had gotten really, really bad to the point where I was like in the airport crying, medicated, still didn't want to get on the plane. Like I was ready to give up thousands of dollars in tickets because I was having such bad anxiety. I had told my family, like, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this anymore because I was trying to go back every year or every other year. And when I went to Australia this time, I did get on that plane, and I went to Australia that time, and I had talked to my brother a lot about how I was doing how I was doing and what was going on, and he had explained to me that he had started doing hypnotherapy. And I had not really been very familiar with any kind of therapies like that, and I kind of felt that I didn't really know if it would work. I'm pretty controlling, um stubborn. I didn't really know if that anybody would be able to get through to me. So he had tried to line up an appointment while I was there and it didn't work out. So I had had a friend um who worked in the healthcare unit, and I asked her for recommendations. And my thing was that I wanted to go to somebody who was clinically trained. I didn't want to just go to anybody. I wanted to go to somebody with a clinical background who would be able to help me work through this stuff because I had come to the realization that it was no longer about working on what was behind me, it was about working on what was before, like coming ahead, what was ahead of me and what was going to come and recognizing the behaviors and the patterns and the conditioning and the habits. And now I need to break them and I need somebody to help me move forward differently. So I reached out to this lady, and I started doing hypnotherapy, it was very interesting. My brain, even still, I've been doing it now for over a year, and maybe two, I don't even know. It's yeah, it's been a wild year to be honest. Yeah, I think maybe two years, um, started doing hypnotherapy, and even still now, after that amount of time, which I go like once a month, sometimes more. I am sitting there in hypnosis, and my brain's like, What am I doing? Like now, like, oh, what was that? Oh, what appointment do I have next? And then I can hear her talking and like focus, get back in line. You're in hypnotherapy, like you need to do this. And it's so funny because every time she reminds me, like, that's totally normal. And I don't think people really are aware of that because they're like, This isn't gonna work for me. My brain's just racing, and yeah, it is, but you're also subconsciously still there and hearing what she's saying, which is planting seeds to break those cycles. So I noticed right away a difference with the hypnotherapy, and I had started being more curious about getting back into exercising, and so somebody had referred me to a local Pilates studio, and so I had started going to these one-to-one sessions, and I met this lady who was a co-owner in the studio, and she is a somatic worker, and she also works on my hypnotherapist, and my hypnotherapist works on her. So it was very funny. We live in a small town, so this is a bit of a coincidence, but she I had gotten in touch now with Marika, who was my trainer at the time, about doing somatic therapy, and so I started doing that, and again, I was just like every single time I took on one of these new modalities, I felt like I was just being like slapped in the face with this new level of awareness and understanding about myself, how I got here, why I am the way I am, and the things that I want to change moving forward, and those those things that I want to break. And so I started doing somatic therapy, and it was the first time I'd ever really given myself permission to just totally cry, let loose, let it go, and allow somebody to support me. Yeah. And it was really weird. It was, I was blown away. The physical reaction in my body was insane. I hated it and loved it all at the same time. You know, I had obviously been talking to you about it a bit, and then I was like, hey, maybe I want to try this shadow work. So then you and I did the shadow work session. And after 10 years of therapy of all of these different modalities in one session, you were and I you and I were able to make a breakthrough that I didn't know would be possible. So I just knew that I was moving in the direction that I needed to be moving in order to break through all these versions of myself and to move into a softer, newer, more supportive version that actually gave myself what I give to others, which is not normal. Like so it was really interesting. And since then I've just kept kept up with like the somatic and the hypno, and I find like we just took a small break for the last two months, and I went back to my first somatic session last week, and it was very challenging. I felt every block in my body resisting, and I felt those brick walls coming right back up. And usually the sessions are about 90 minutes, and I was there for like two hours and 15 minutes, and I knew like I felt like we were getting to the end of the session, and there was no breakthrough, and I and it was just not gonna happen. And it was like maybe an hour and 15 minutes, an hour and a half in, and I just like broke down into the most it was just like sobbing, just full body sobbing, the ugliest crying, she was crying, I was crying, you know, like it had just gotten it was obviously what we had both needed in that moment, and yeah, it was just it was really beautiful. It's this world has shown me that you can be in a room full of strangers and feel more love than people that you know. Like it's insane that when you are in this space with people who are open and aware, that you truly feel that those conversations are just authentic. And doing all of that work has changed the way that I speak to people and that way that I receive from people and the way that I move forward. And I take a moment to think now like, is that actually what I want? Like, if I was standing here in this room by myself, is that the path that I would take? Because most of the time I was choosing no, I was choosing what all these other external things were bringing in, and I was going in all these different directions, and I just felt lost and I felt like I didn't even know who I was. And through this period, I also discovered human design. So it was like I had clients coming in to get their appointment and be like, what did you learn this month? Like, tell me. And it was just like it was exciting, and I was sharing this, and every day I had clients come in and I was sharing what I was doing because I was passionate about it, and then they started doing it, and they started doing it, and I was so excited to see the ripple effect of what was happening just from me sharing my experience. It wasn't about creating this facade of what it was going to be like for them or telling them what to expect from it. I just said this is what happened to me, and that might not be your experience, but it also just might not be your experience yet. Like I went through all of these breakthroughs, but that's because of the path that I took. I had to be ready in those moments. And if I hadn't been through those different trenches, then perhaps I wouldn't have been ready for that final sort of breakthrough. And that and that was really difficult for me to even just like comprehend all of that. Like even now, I'm like, who is she? Who is she? I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I don't feel disgusted anymore, which I love. And I know that that's crazy because people are like, oh my god, you know, whatever. They give you compliments all the time, but it really doesn't matter what other people think about you, it really just matters what you think about you. And when I looked in the mirror, I didn't really like who I was, and it wasn't my physical appearance, it was that I didn't like the person that I was. I felt like I just gave up everything for everybody and never kept anything for myself. And when I did, I just felt guilt. So, like even with that first shadow session that we did, you know, I went after selfish and I was so sure in my mind I'm gone for selfish. This has been a hard one for me my whole life. I feel like being selfish is, you know, so horrible. And that, you know, self-care is selfish. And you know, when people accuse me of being selfish, that is the worst thing for me. Like, I cannot handle that. That's super triggering for me because I give up everything, or I feel that I would give up everything for anybody who needs it. And it's not just like my own people, it's you know, like a client will tell me that her daughter's friend went through a really hard time. And I'm like, please send her my number and tell her to reach out. Like, if if there's something that I can share that's gonna help this journey, then please reach out, please ask. You don't you're not alone. That's the big thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there's so many, like listening to this, I was just like, my heart throughout the oh my god, don't cry because I'm gonna cry. My heart throughout all of it was just like there's been so many big pieces for you. And like our relationship over the last few years has gotten so much closer. And just to have you trust in me for that session and and to share even all of this with me right now, I just feel really honored to listen because you're you're here to make an impact. Like the whole thing that I keep hearing is that you want to do this so you can see that other people are gonna do it for themselves as well. And we dropped a near bud. I can still hear you though.
SPEAKER_03:And I just there's so many like things, but out of all of that, I honestly, I don't know, I feel like I could talk with you for like three hours about this stuff stuff because really it is something that I'm also very passionate about, and it's so sweet that our worlds have entwined and been connected. Like, who knew that a girl doing nails at her you know best friend's dad's house would turn into this huge business? That like, you know, I'm up for my third win for a Canadian Choice Award for my business. Like, I'm just what life is this? Like, I cannot even believe it that I was able to create this. And six months ago, I wouldn't have been able to say that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I know. I just my heart is like hurting because I'm like, don't cry. I just I'm so uh grateful that you are seeing you in this light because I know there's gonna be so many people whether they listen to this podcast. Us or not, who uh deeply admire your journey and deeply admire your strength and your resilience to keep going. And I'm like, there's so many questions in my head, and not one of them are coming to me because I'm like, where do I even want to go with this? But I want to go with the Canada Choice Awards.
SPEAKER_02:I know.
SPEAKER_01:That first one that you won.
SPEAKER_03:Oh I mean, I'll tell you when I I nominated my own business for the first one, and I thought, what is this? I had seen these local awards, and I was like, no, I want to go bigger because that's just who I am. I'm bigger. So I was like, I'm gonna see what's out there. And I found these Canada Choice Awards, and they're all about customer service and community impact. And those two things are my priority in my business, in with my training, with my students, 100%, those are my pillars. And so I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna put my name in, just throw my name in there and see what happens. And I sent the nomination link to maybe six people, and I thought, whatever, we'll just see how it goes. I don't care. I got an email back seeing that I'd been chosen into the finalist. I already was like, what the fuck? To be honest. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm a home, little home studio in a tidy town. How have I been chosen as a finalist after such a small nomination package? And when I started reading more about the awards, it's not based on uh votes, it's actually based on your nomination. You as a business owner have to do like a big questionnaire talking about your values, what's important to you in your business, what you know you hold as your high standards, you know, what's important to you in your community, um, reviews from your clients, and then same thing, they have the people who nominate have to actually send in something as well. And what they do is they take all of that information, they go to a panel, and the panel chooses winners. So when I got the email that I had won, I was in disbelief. I was absolutely in disbelief. I was like, this is not even happening. Like, I just was blown away. And then last year, we it was the second year that I was applying basically for this. And now I had this in my mind. You can win this. So now I wanted it. The first time I was like, it's never gonna happen. Like, whatever, let's just do it and see what happens. Second time, I was like, no, you won the first time, you better get it this year. So I really held a higher expectation for myself last year, and I was like, Oh gosh, what happens if I don't? And I'm gonna be so disappointed. And like a girlfriend of mine also had been nominated, and I was like, what if I get chosen and she doesn't? I'm gonna feel horrible about that. And actually, we both won because we were in different categories anyway. So we didn't even realize that at the time. But anyway, so it was just a very different feeling. I had gone in this previous year with this hope and this desire and this want and this fire to win it. And right now I'm just up for nominations for this year, and it's exactly the same. I feel like this innate fire that's like I want to win this so badly. I want this recognition of the work that I do, I want to be able to show people like this is why I work so hard, is because I want to be able to, you know, impact so many people, not just my clients, but other technicians to improve and to grow and to work on themselves. Because honestly, this the personal development is what changed me in my business. And just choosing to step outside of my comfort and trust that when people are looking to me for support or encouragement, that that's from an honest place, because I had been doing nails for nine years or for eight years, sorry, and I had been doing lash lifting and brow lamination for one year, and my trainer saw the potential in me to become an educator after only one year in that industry, and I didn't see the potential in myself to become a trainer after eight years in an industry. So that moment of this was my dog hair fluffing around. Um, so that moment was like uh her belief in me. I thought, why don't I believe in me like this? Like, what is wrong with me? Like, look in the mirror. There are people in your life that don't do anything, they just complain about their lives or the reason they got here, and all they do is look in the past and they don't do anything to move forward in a different way. Like, if you want something different, break the cycle. You're the one that's in control. And I remember one day I was sitting at a gas station, and the guy in front of me, paying a till, said, Today I just celebrated my 39th year at my job, and I can't wait to retire because I've hated it my whole life.
SPEAKER_02:And I was like, Why would you do that? I would rather have 39 jobs, a new one every year, and be happy than in a situation like what kind of achievement is that?
SPEAKER_03:What if you died tomorrow? Wow, you lived your life. Like, no, if I change my mind tomorrow and decide I don't want to do nails anymore, then that's what I'm gonna do. Like, I am choosing to lean into what feels authentic to me. And I think really a huge permission slip part of that was learning about human design. Like, I thought of myself as a j only being a support person. I didn't see myself as being a leader. And when I started doing human design and I learned about I am a manifestor, and that is the person here to light the fire, to initiate, to create, but also to leave and let you know flourish on its own. And that part is something that I've never been able to kind of work around because of my need to control every single detail, it's because then I know that if something fails, it's because of me. There's nobody else's responsibility, it's me, it's my responsibility. And if I want it to be succeed, I need to see it through to the end. And so, even just learning to like let go a little bit of control, and that's been really interesting. Like, I had a meeting today with a girl who's I'm looking at taking over part of my social media, and I can tell you literally, even in that moment, I was like, Oh my gosh, how am I gonna like I'm so excited about the opportunity. I know that on the other side of this, and that's the thing is like we get so caught up in what's gonna be next is gonna be messy, and so we don't want to push through it. But it's on the other side of that mess, on the other side of that chaos, and on the other side of that healing, that's really where we find that peace and that clarity and that alignment that everybody talks about. Like it's just hearing what's in your heart, not just in your head. And I feel like that human human design really gave me that permission. So I started to understand, you know, with as a manifesto, my energy is supposed to come and go. And I was like, what does that even mean? When my energy is on the way out, that's when I engage into fifth year, like, come on, and then I didn't understand why I was burning out and I was so exhausted because I didn't honor that part of my cycle because my conditioning told me that you need to be working to the bitter end to be successful, and and obviously, like I will tell you, I have this this business, I have worked truly blood, sweat, anti years into this business to get it to where it is, and I'm so proud of the growth that I've had, it's been exponential in the last couple of years, and I cannot wait to see what the next couple of years will have because even just leaning into the education and choosing to take that chance on myself has been so enlightening with the confidence that it's brought me. I'm like, you know what? I am a badass, and I do have a lot of information and education and technique to share. So the thing for me is like, I it's hard because I have even in my coaching calls, you know, my energy is so up and go, and I have these calls, and the and the mentee is like, wow, I can do anything. Like, I'm gonna get off this call and I'm gonna change my life. And then they hang up and then they're like, I don't have the confidence to do any of that because that's not actually their energy, that's my energy they're tapping into in that call. And so I didn't understand why they weren't acting on that after. And I was like, What are you doing? You've hired me to help you through this process, and then you don't follow the action that I give you. And it was like, oh, okay. Again, the manifestor is supposed to let it let it go. Um, learning that as a manifestor, sometimes I push people who aren't ready yet. So I want to say that this last six months has been really leaning into trying to let people come to me for that support instead of engaging in it. Like, I will tell people I'm here when you're ready, and I'll make sure they know that. But instead of being like, here's the different options and laying everything out, now I actually just like take a step back and say, you know, when you're ready, I am here. And I will help you and I will support you, and you will be successful in whatever it is you choose to do because that is all we are. We just keep moving forward, we keep evolving, and we keep working, and we just find a different angle until we achieve what it is we want to achieve.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I love all of that. Literally, as you were talking, all I could think is, um, and you mentioned you've touched on it before about your path. And it was just like, just because the there's a right path doesn't mean it's your path. And like we talk about like conditioning, like, you know, as women, it's kind of like you you get a boyfriend and then you end up getting married, or you need to go to uni, or have the children in the white picket fence, and that's that might be somebody's path. And to many people, that's the right path. Doesn't mean it's my path. And that's what I kept hearing throughout that. You're like, this is my path. I'm actually making my path, and also your excitement for other people's paths. Like, you're like, I if I can do it, everyone can do it. Like, let me help you.
SPEAKER_02:I'm like, why can't you? I can literally show you the way. Like, come on, bitch, let's go. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But then remembering the winner's circle. Yeah, it's their journey as well. And like, I think something that I think about a lot is everyone's like really excited to get through the mess and really excited to like just succeed. But when somebody is like standing on a platform, like I think about public speakers, they stand on the platform and you don't you're not in excited about the public speaker who's only succeeded, you're excited about the public speaker who's been through the trenches, who has had to go through the mess and sit in the mess, and now they're succeeded because everyone loves an underdog. But if everyone loves an underdog, why don't we love being the underdog sometimes? It's kind of like you're literally, as you're talking, you're like, I have put blood, sweat, and tears into my business. But what also have you put blood, sweat, and tears into? Your mental health. Going to the depth. A lot of tears. A lot of tears. I like so it's just like this beautiful mirror that's happening. And I just like oh my everybody, my internet is terrible today. But like, I would love to know just from your perspective, how personal development has really shaped the way that you run business.
SPEAKER_03:Um, I guess for me, it was especially leaning into the education, the personal development and becoming aware of what my role is here to help inspire and support, it was really interesting for me to take that into the business and change the way that I treat people because I'm noticing like if I if I tailor my support to that person, they're going to be much more successful than me trying to tell them how I would do it, just like you were saying about the experience. And so whether it's my in-person training or my mentorship, I always let the let the person know, like, in reality, what I'm sharing with you is my perspective because of my experience. I want you to take from this what you want and move in a way that that works for you. Like, I don't want you to copy what I'm doing. And I think, like, especially social media, that's such a hard part, is because we look at her page and we're like, I want to look just like her, I want to copy her, I want, you know, I want those things, but then we start doing that stuff and we're like, but this doesn't feel fun for me, and it doesn't feel good, and it doesn't feel authentic. And it's funny because you get so caught up in what it should look like and less about what it should feel like, and yet people are attracted to feelings more than how something looks. So it's the way that watching a video makes them feel, not just staring at the video. And so, you know, when when you start leaning more into that side and the personal development side, you start attracting the people into your space who should be there and who honor that emotion and who honor that growth and who appreciate all of those values that you hold, and then you start to see that inspiration moving out. And so for me, it was recognizing who I am as a manifester and how I need to pull back in my support, and also just even for myself in the way that I run my business, recognizing those moments where I do need to rest, I do need to heal, I do need to take some time to slow down. And it is difficult. I I feel that instinctual like you, you know, you're tired, you better work harder. Like that's it. You if you're getting tired, then that means that you're in the final kind of like stage of this portion and we're moving and evolving all the time. But I think, yeah, just learning so much about myself, giving myself the freedom and the permission to just feel things as they happen. Like sometimes I'm literally sitting with a client who is crying about a situation that they're dealing with, and I'm crying because in reality it's really sad. And it's okay to just let that come in and also go. And that's the hard part is we hold on to so much of other people's stuff, and we really have to, it's the art of listening and supporting, but also not carrying the weight. Like, we can be there to assist without taking on that trauma ourselves. And I remember going to see this speaker as well, and she really like I had I had seen a lot of different speakers, and every single one had a super traumatic life. And I was like, How am I ever gonna impact somebody if my life wasn't traumatic? I didn't feel like it was. I had a really beautiful upbringing, I have a great family, I was taught that I can do anything I want and I set my mind to, like I was I was given a really strong foundation. So, why do I feel like I have all this weakness weakness and this trauma and not know how to move through that? And so, yeah, it was really interesting, like going to this lady because she spoke about how trauma is the same for everybody, it doesn't matter what you experience, just like when you dream something, your body feels the same whether it's real or not. And it's because your body cannot tell the difference between what is real and what isn't. And so that was a really interesting awareness for me because I was like, oh, okay, this makes so much sense. Like I think about something and it frustrates me, and then I feel frustrated all day. And that might not even be something real, that's just an assumption I've made about something or somebody that I'm now choosing to take on instead of just have a conversation and be like, hey, I'm not sure if you're feeling this way, but I'm kind of concerned that maybe something, you know, whatever, talk it out and like have this opportunity to create more openness and more security and safety in that relationship. So whether it's been with my clients or my students, I've tried to kind of see the gifts in the things that I've experienced and the things that feel like hardships. So even looking back on coming to Canada, to me, that was nothing. I I was 19 and I moved to another country where I had cousins, but I didn't know anybody, and that didn't really feel like a big deal to me. And now I look back on that experience and like, holy shit. And I have, you know, 19-year-olds that come into my studio and I'm like, I cannot even imagine them flying to another country and living by themselves. Like, it's insane. I mean, I was adopted by a wonderful Canadian family, and I'm very, very lucky. Um, but I just feel like I there's so many things that we look back and we don't have the perspective to appreciate what we've actually overcome. And we get so caught up in what we think we should be doing. And so it's yeah, it's just been a lot of different components coming in and bringing these new levels of awareness and these conversations that I'm having with people that are real and honest and raw and vulnerable, and creating these connections that feel more intimate than a lot of the things in my life. Like, I, you know, I don't sit and hold hands with most people and cry and talk about our feelings to each other. Like, that's what I do with my male clients. Like that reality, we are touching. There is a physical exchange of energy. Like, you there has to be some authentic connection there, otherwise, people don't continue to come back. They come back for the feeling, they come back for the experience and this feeling of being safe and held and comforted. And it's honestly something that I mean, I definitely move way past being a service provider into being like a counselor and and truly sharing my experiences and my feedback when they ask for it. That's a big thing that I've learned. Yeah, um, but it's been really beautiful the connections that I've made with that. And so I just I do truly do appreciate every part that has brought me here because I wouldn't be the person that I am. And even still now, like before I came on this call, I mean I messaged you. I was like, I'm stressed, sweating, I'm so nervous, like I don't know what I'm gonna say. And then I shocked myself again, and I'm like, you know what? I can't do this. Like every single time you hesitate and you try something, you usually surprise yourself at your capability, but we hold ourselves back so much with fear that we choose to let all these different factors come in, and we're like, no, I don't feel comfortable with that. And it's like you you retreat before you even try.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It's like, how can you say that you've tried and that you're doing everything you can to evolve and grow and improve your life if you don't ever try anything? And I can tell you, there's been things I've tried that I don't like, but I have found the things that have provided an environment for me to feel safe and supported, and now I want to be back there all the time, and it's very interesting. Like I have started doing um last year, I started doing workouts that were a combination of like somatic work and kind of like Pilates style or interval training kind of thing. And it's been very interesting. I could tell you before that I'd never cried during a workout and I'd never felt all these emotions come up. And it's incredible when you start tapping into that emotional side of your body when the things come up and they come up at the strangest times, and our instinct is to always chew it back down and be like, nope, this is not the right time. But sometimes it is. Sometimes it's like, you know what, this is the right time for me to be emotional. If that means stepping outside for five minutes, then step outside for five minutes. Support yourself the way you would somebody else. I think that's really the hard part, and we get so I think it's really difficult because people feel so alone, and it's really interesting because social media has given us an opportunity to create authentic connections that are not even with people we are present with. Like, I have met people that I've talked to on social media for an entire year and then met them in person and been like, I truly feel like I know you better than half the people in my life. Like, it's insane that the connections that you can create if you choose to be open to it and to lean into those opportunities.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I think you also like mentioned this earlier as well. And I was thinking about it when it comes to like safety, like people will be drawn to like safe experiences. And with social media, you do have the ability to put on a mask, you do have the ability to pretend to be somebody else. And I think this is where being yourself and being your humanness, and I'm not saying like you always need to be confident or successful. It's like, let me meet you where I'm at, and let me meet you where you're at, because that's what brings safety. Never do I meet anytime someone meets me off social media, they're like, oh, you're exactly like I expected. And I'm like, perfect, that's what I want. I don't know how it should be.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But I just walk in my studio and say, you know, I feel like I've known you for five years because I've been watching your journey on social media, and I'm like, that's what I want. I want you to know me. I want you to feel my energy and to get a sense of that before you even choose to come into my door. Really, even in communication, like when I have a new client, a student, or a anybody who's trying to create a connection with me, I ask a lot of questions. I vet that person hardcore online. I want to know the kind of values they have, I want to know the kind of standards they hold. And with that, I will decide in those conversations if we have the kind of energy that I want to exchange. I have found that in my journey, it's it's important to protect yourself from those factors outside that do affect your decision making or your courage or those things. And sometimes it's the people who you don't expect are the ones that really are in your corner cheering you on. And sometimes it's the ones that you are hoping to be there that are actually the ones showing up with the fear and the concern. And when you recognize that that is out of a place of love, you do appreciate that, but you've also been through all of those feelings yourself and you've made this decision. And so, like for me, as a manifesto, just informing people is part of that role. And so, as I'm doing all these things, because my life is constantly changing, I'm going in new directions all the time. Like, I was literally talking to somebody the other day about how when I'm old, I'm gonna work in a florist and do flowers because I like flowers, and I'm like, and by the time when I say when I'm old, that might just be like 40, I'll just retire and go work in a flower shop. Like that's so funny.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, you are hilarious. Okay, let's segue into because I think we're already starting to segue. Let's segue into like relationships. We've talked about your clients and your students and those people. How has your journey impacted the way that you show up in your friendships and your relationships?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I would say for me, it's just been coming into an awareness of my own voice. Um, I choose to push that down and not listen to what I actually need because I feel that my needs are less of a priority than others. And that's with my family, that's with my friends, that's with my clients. Even if I am exhausted and they're in trouble, I will make it work because I feel that others' needs are more important than my own, which is not a very healthy value to have because you start to compromise your own integrity, your own strength, your own protection, and you start to lose that strength that you have to make decisions and to move forward and to do things that are just for you. And I would say that going to these different events, and in the beginning, it was just me going by myself, and I never went anywhere by myself, and I can tell you, not even the grocery store. Although I hated grocery shopping, I just didn't do anything by myself. I always wanted backup, and so just putting myself in these places by myself in these different rooms that were like breath work or group therapy or meditation or sound treatment, it was like this total I've chosen this just for me. Like it's this, it felt selfish in the beginning, and I had to battle those feelings of guilt, but I knew that I needed to do this for myself, and it became something that I recognized that I needed this outlet, I needed something regularly to be able to allow myself to release some of the steam and some of the energy and some of the tension that I bring on because I'm not just carrying my own, I'm carrying my own plus 50 clients that I see every month who also are there in this intimate moment to release anything they've been carrying, and then they're like, Well, have a good day. And then I'm like, Okay, let me just clean these tools and get ready for the next one. And you're carrying this huge weight of something that's like catastrophic in their life. And so I really had to start doing this work to kind of recognize what I needed to do to protect myself, to let go of those things, and to start hearing my own voice, not just the one in my head, but the one that was in my stomach, because we often are like we're so consumed by our physical senses, what we can see, what we can touch, you know, what we can taste. We forget about our psychic senses and the ones that are like, hey, there's this instinctual pull that's happening that's drawing me to this person, or that's drawing me to this job or this opportunity or this country, like, oh, but that's never gonna happen for me. No, listen to that voice, listen to that feeling, lean into that, figure out a way to make that happen because there's a reason the universe is drawing you in that direction. And the more I started to open my eyes and hear and see and feel it with my whole body, what the universe was leading me to, like this opportunity and this opportunity, and then I won this giveaway and this giveaway. And I was like, what is even happening?
SPEAKER_01:Like, I remember that giveaway. I was like, Oh, I'm I'm I'm uh sign up to this one, and then you won it. And then she ran another one, and my like the co-host, Def, she also she was like, I'm gonna sign up to it too. And then she won. I'm like, are you kidding? Universe doesn't want me to know, okay, right now. Maybe now, but not then. But that's so funny. So funny.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, there's just been a few funny things like that. Like, I was thinking about going to this meditation hippie kind of dance breath work thing that was really outside of my comfort zone. Like, I watched videos, they were screaming. I was like, I don't know if I can do this. It was like$200. So I thought, yeah, I don't think I want to. But I emailed them and just said, like, hey, you know, I am just starting my journey on mental health. I'm really loving the kind of things that you're teaching. I'm thinking this is maybe something that I'm interested in. I'd love to share about it on my business. And they said, Well, why don't would you be interested in becoming uh an affiliate for this year? And I was like, Oh, okay, what does that look like? And they're like, Well, that would mean that your ticket is free and you would just share about the the event on your page. And I was like, Okay, this moment of hesitation, and then the universe took that and just slapped me in the face and said, You're going to this thing. Like you were gonna hesitate, and now you're going. And these kinds of things just kind of happened to me, and I went to that event, and I it was very interesting. I really struggled with the screaming portion. Even in breath work where you're doing audible breathing, I really struggle with it because I feel like a lot of my tension is actually in my mouth. Like I have held myself back from say speaking my truth so many times that even just breathing audibly is very challenging for me. So it was a very interesting experience, but I really enjoyed it and I bent into it and I laid in that uh you know, on my mat and I had my headphones on, and I just kept saying to myself, like, surrender, surrender to the universe, surrender to this experience. You're here for a reason. You were drawn here for a reason. So just embrace it and lean into it and do what he says and just try and see what happens. And then at the end of the session, we were all we everybody spread out, and there was 80 of us in a circle, and we were holding hands, and he said, like, is anybody, would anybody come up on stage and talk about their experience? So I did. And I can tell you, as I walked to that stage, I was like, What the hell are you doing? Like, what are who are you? What are you doing? Like, what are you doing? And I got up on the stage and I told my story about myself moving to Canada, finding this part of personal development that I gave myself this permission and this forgiveness that I had never experienced before. And I was like trembling and shaking, but I felt really like so much pride in this moment. And then I got off the stage and I saw somebody in the audience who knew me. And in that moment, I felt more shame than I had experienced in anything I had been through. So I was like, holy shit, somebody who knows me saw me just do that brave thing. Like, what what? Yeah, this is so scary. Like, you know, the 79 people watching didn't feel I had no fear. It was the one person who knew me that I was scared of judging me. And so it's very interesting when you start going into these spaces, just like these guest speakers who go on these huge TED talks and do these events that are thousands and thousands of people, they'd rather have that conversation with those thousand strangers than they would at a dinner table with their own family and have a real raw, authentic, vulnerable conversation because a lot of people are not comfortable comfortable with emotion or dealing with those things. They want to fix it instead of just listening. And so much of healing is just sitting back and listening to what somebody actually needs. Yeah, and even just like listening to yourself. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I really enjoyed doing those things. So I was like, I need to do more, and I need to do more, and I want to do more, and I want to do more, and now I'm doing more. Now I'm bringing all these other people in, and I meet people, and they're like, What is this? Like, literally before this call, I had a client's mom in here, and she was asking me about hypnotherapy, and I had briefly touched on shadow work, and she's like, What is that? So I started telling her about shadow work, and she's like, Wow, this is so interesting. And then I, you know, showed her your page, and you just never know. The universe delivers what you need when you need it. So it's about like opening up your eyes and feeling it and being like, There, you know what, that conversation triggered me. There's a reason why that conversation triggered me. Like, either it's driving me crazy because I feel like it's something I need to be doing, or it was like, no, this doesn't feel safe to me. Like it, and it's becoming aware of what does and doesn't, and then choosing to implement boundaries that protect that awareness. Like it's okay to be like, this situation doesn't make me comfortable and to step out of it. And I think people push themselves through stuff so often that does make them uncomfortable because they think that's what they should be doing. And I really feel our generation is the should generation. And I think that we need to really lean into the could. It could happen. Well, what if we and I remember doing cognitive behavioral therapy at one point in this journey, and literally it was like, I want you to start changing the word should to could. Every time you say should, I want you to say could. Like I could do that, and no, instead of being no, it could be maybe. What if no's maybe instead of no? And it was just like shifting this perspective and recognizing, well, there's so much more out there when you just start to be open and aware to what can happen and what can be.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, all of that, all of that is so beautiful. For the people that are listening, because obviously the vibe that I get from this is like just go and do it. Just go and do it. What would you tell somebody who is at the start of their personal development journey?
SPEAKER_03:Don't hold back, don't let fear or insecurity get in your way if something, if there's even a spark of curiosity, try it, surrender to it. What are you what do you have to lose? Like not doing it, you're staying in the cycle, in the pattern that you're currently doing. So, what do you have to lose by trying something that's different and stepping outside of that comfort zone? Because it's not actually about stepping outside the comfort zone, it's actually about just stretching that comfort zone and recognizing that there is space for more within that. And often something that we think is going to be super uncomfortable is actually the solution and the answer that we need. It's just we have this hesitation moving into it because of all of these outside factors. So it's really about recognizing what's coming from inside and not your head. Your head is your conditioning, your heart and your gut, that is what's true to your soul. And it's like recognizing what is true in your heart and acting on that, even if some like sometimes it is a true internal battle where you're fully resistant. But you recognize something needs to change, and you just make one small shift and then another small shift. And it doesn't need to be big action, it just needs to be a small shift. And that could simply be having a conversation with your family and saying, like, I've recognized that I'm not happy with things being the way they are. I don't know what I want to do to move forward, but I'm recognizing that what I'm doing is not okay and I need to make changes for myself. And I just want to let you guys know so that everybody can support and be on board. Be on board because it's when people get shocked that they actually, and even like with myself, like people are shocked when I start talking about personal development because they're like, but you're such a strong person, and you just don't know what somebody's dealing with on the inside. So it's like if we can actually truly connect in that vulnerable way, we develop so much stronger relationships with ourselves and with others.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I love all of that. Feel the fear, and if there's something that's pulling you towards it, do it. Now, what would you tell Steph who landed in Canada?
SPEAKER_03:Don't wait so long. Do the things, you know. I feel like we look back and there's so much, there's it's so easy to get caught up in a cycle, and that cycle can go on year after year after year, and one day you've been in the same job for 39 years and you're still unhappy. So it's like, you know, recognize that if it doesn't feel like it's right for you, then don't do it. If it feels like there's something else drawing you, then get curious. Start learning about it, shadow somebody in that opportunity, get to know somebody, start asking questions, let that curiosity come out, return to that play state that's not conditioned and like things have to be a certain way. Just recognize like it's okay to be curious about something and to see what it's like. And if it's not for you, it's not for you. But it might also just be not for you right now. And then a year down the line, you'll be like, man, I remember that session. And you know what? It didn't feel right at the time, but I think I kind of want to dip back into that and just see where I'm at. And then this new awareness, this new version of you is gonna be totally different in the way that you receive that support. And so it's really just recognizing if you want something to change, you have to be the one to break the cycle. Nobody else can do that for you.
SPEAKER_01:How beautiful. I just want to just like I feel like just listening to all of this. I'm like, ah, this is so good.
SPEAKER_03:Like just to I honestly kind of want to watch, like, because you and I had gone on live and we talked about my first shadow work session, and it was my first time really getting vulnerable online, and it was it was really difficult. And I I was thinking about it today, and I almost want to go back and watch it because you don't actually realize how much growth you've had until you're in a situation. Like, even you know, when my brother was here, we had a little party to celebrate my award, and it was the first time I've spoken in front of my friends. And before I got up there, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm gonna just choke on my words and I'm gonna feel so uncomfortable. And I got up there and I got and then I spoke, and I as the words were coming out, I was like, Who is she? Like, she's so cool. I wish I was like a kid looking back at myself because the younger version of myself would be like, Holy shit! And as I'm training people and I'm seeing these like 18-year-olds come in who are learning from me, and they're just like, Wow! And you have to let that in, like, you're right, wow! Like, I do work hard and I have earned this, and you can do whatever you want. You just have to work hard and you have to lean into people's strengths and learn from people and take uh support from others and use what people have to help you grow. Like, we don't have to do this alone. There's a reason why you know we they say that it takes a village. It doesn't just take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to be an adult. Like it's insanely difficult. Like, I'm pretty sure no grown-up feels like a grown-up. Like, I sure don't. I can't believe I'm 35 this year. Like I said, like I just you you just deal with it one day at a time, working one challenge at a time. And if we get so caught up in the big picture, then we get lost in the moments, and we do really need to be mindful and like take a second to appreciate how we got here and this moment. And I know people who literally write like thank you on their bills because they're grateful that they can pay them. Like it's becoming grateful and shifting your perspective from less than to more of and recognizing it is that glass half full, right? Like, we can look at things in a in a perspective that's negative, or we can choose to look at things in a perspective that's positive that's going to drive some more ambition, some more intentions, some more positive action forward.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I think what you said is so beautiful because like sometimes we get so caught up in the personal development that we have to do more and be more, not realizing that we've actually done a lot and we've actually been a lot, and we actually need to slow down and actually look at it. I actually went to um my first therapy session in 18 months, and it was purely purely because I wanted somebody just to sit there and listen. Right? I just wanted somebody to sit there, don't fix me, don't be like you're not attached to my life in any way. So whatever I say is actually not going to affect you. And I'm gonna sit there, I'm gonna talk. And this was the therapist who had been with me, I think I had it for like two years prior, and like those two years prior was like my hot mess error. Like it was a wild ride. But when I walked in, she was just like, Holy moly, you look so different. And then as I'm talking, she's like, Can I just ask when this self-belief came in? Can I ask when you got this confidence? Like, can I what what happened? Like, and she's a beautiful soul, and she's just like, Okay, so tell me what you're up to. And I'm telling her, and she's like, Oh my god. And it's because I forgot that when we were working together, I was working through disassociation, I was working through depression, I was working through so many different pieces and big traumas in my life that I was like, oh shit. I actually have done a lot in the last 18 months. I've actually healed a lot in the last 18 months, and I had to sit there because there was that pool just to go and talk to her, and I'm like, why do I need to actually talk to her? Because like nothing huge is going on, but it was that moment where I needed to slow down and reflect on like what's actually happened in the last 18 months and not in a negative way. Because we can get into personal development to go, I need to be fixed, I need to be fixed, I need to fix, I need to, you know, work on this thing instead of going, oh, I just want to meet more of myself. Oh, I actually want to have more positivity in my life. I want to enjoy the joy in the moment, not like you said, get 39 years down the track and go, well, I wasted my life. I want to enjoy what's here right now. So to wrap this up, because we can always talk more on personal development and business and everything, but I would love for you to tell people one, how they can find you, how they can work with you, and give them any little tidbits into what you want them to know about you.
SPEAKER_03:Um, all I can say is that I am somebody who will never stop growing, and I truly believe that personal development and professional development are the exact same things. We develop personally and professionally in the same place. It affects both areas. We work on one, it affects the other. And I think like for me, it's just being able to support people in that as well, and being able to bring that awareness. Like, there is always ebbs and flows, there's always positive and negative, and the journey is never clean and smooth. There is ups and downs, and sometimes people will be like, Oh, you know, why are you still do that? Like, well, because every day I'm hit with new challenges in my life that I need support in dealing with, and so I like to give that to my clients, whether that's you know, my students or or my clients themselves, that same support that I really like to receive when I'm in those places. And so obviously, with me, there's the option for working through business coaching. So I do one-to-one mentorship. I'm also currently working on my first program. My business is called Infinite Beauty, and I'm actually pivoting that right now into the infinite collective because I have three different businesses now under that. And so with my business coaching, there's the infinite method, and it literally is exactly that. It is my method. I'm not teaching you your method, I'm teaching you my method, and I want you to take that and work with it in the way that works for you. I'm not telling you how to do it, I'm just sharing my experience and the challenges that I've overcome and the lessons that I've learned so that maybe you don't have to and you have the confidence to move forward in a different way. And I'm trying to move that into my in-person training as well and give those new techs that same confidence. So I am training um new technicians as well as advanced technicians in professional development because I think it's also we need to call people out on their shit. Like you've been in this industry for how many years? When was the last time you did any work? Like if you want to be work for somebody, and if I want to have a mentor, I want somebody who has a mentor. I want somebody who's always evolving and working. I want somebody who's never thinks that they know everything, because in reality, none of us do. So why wouldn't you want to work with somebody who's always working on themselves, always improving, always helping, bringing more information back to you? Because that's my goal is to continuously continue to improve and be able to share that with my students who also hold those same values and standards. So I'm also very picky about who I bring into my space and who I choose to train and who I choose to work with. Because in my eyes, these are all business partners that I'm going to be working with moving forward. So I want to make sure that we have an energy that aligns, that we have the same values and standards. Because again, after these people leave my training, I can't control how they respond to their clients or how they do their job. So it's important that when they're in my my space, that I really implement those strong boundaries, those strong foundations, so that when they move forward in their career, that they feel supported as well. Because my training doesn't stop when they leave here, they have ongoing support. Like that's what I'm here for. You're not in this alone. And so much of the service industry, whether you're working in counseling or whether you're working in actual services like lashes or nails, it's very lonely. So my huge thing is that community. Like I connect techs with other techs, I try to create relationships, I try to encourage collaboration. Like people get so caught up with competition that they forget the fastest way to grow is with community. So, you know, I really try to lean into that both with my coaching and with my in-person training. And now with my new online business, it's exactly the same opportunity. We're just working together as a team to grow. We all have the same mission, we all have the same goal, and that is to be in a place that we feel is a sustainable like income that supports the life that we really want, because that's really what it's about. Like we we know that there's so much more to life, but unfortunately, money and finance is such a huge part. But why would you want to work in something that doesn't bring you passion? So if we can bring finances and passion into the same place and monetize what you're good at and what your strength is, then we can do anything. So it's more about like getting to know the person that I'm working with and figuring out how I can help them to use their skills and their tools to be able to help others and to be able to grow and evolve themselves. So I obviously have so many different avenues for people to work with me. Um, I always just ask them to reach out. The easiest way is through Instagram at the moment, and then we'll make sure that that's added in here. Um, and I will always do my best to get back to people within a timely fashion, usually within two days. Honestly, sometimes I have a two-hour client and I check my phone, I have 25 messages. Some are from clients, some are from the online business, some are other technicians asking for help because you are so feel so alone that it's like as soon as you have somebody to talk to you, you're like every day you're messaging, oh, I have this question, oh I have this question, and it's so nice to have a support system. So why don't we lean into that more? Like it's so interesting with the service industry of all aspects, how competitive it is when if we if we actually work together, we are going to grow so quickly and we see results so much faster. So I really try to encourage that even with my students right now. I'm encouraging them to work together. Like my two students who I just graduated from my nail program are going to a class together. I love this. Like last week I brought in a professional photographer when they were both here and we did branding photos, and it's really uncomfortable doing that your first time. So we made it really fun and we did it together because I want to set up every single person that works with me for success. And that means with that ongoing support, you're never alone when you work with me. There is always an ear open. I will always give you some support, some feedback. And if I don't have the answer, I will find it because I don't like to not know things.
SPEAKER_01:If you guys couldn't tell already. So no, thank you so much for sharing your journey, your business, your passion. If anyone is listening, you can obviously hear. And it's um having you like right in front of me. I can see you. Like, I just want to leap through the screen and like show people. And I and I love that. So thank you. And I'm so deeply grateful that I got to like even hear the parts of your journey that I haven't heard before. So thank you, thank you, thank you. All of your details will be in the show notes. I highly encourage you go and follow her. Um, honestly, even if you don't are not in beauty, her content and her nails are just like, you know, when you go on Pinterest and you're like, I need to find nails, don't even go to Pinterest anymore. Just go to Steph's page. Um, she is an absolute wizard. So go and follow her if you're interested in working with her. Send her a DM. And yeah, thanks for thanks for sharing all of this.
SPEAKER_03:Well, thank you so much. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have been able to be able to talk about these things six months ago without just being a blubbering mess. So even just this conversation, I'm like, I am a different person. And it's like the more you lean into that and recognize that, the more you start to feel confident in that. And you're like, yeah, you know what? I do deserve that, and I do deserve the things that are coming to me, and I do deserve that abundance, and I do work hard, and I do deserve the reward. Rewards for that. And so as soon as you start to allow yourself to receive, so much more comes in. So I I just really appreciate this opportunity as well because I, you know, this is my first time ever doing anything like this, so it was really nice to be able to talk. And I really feel that we truly can connect and impact so many more people when we have that authentic conversation. So I just love this opportunity. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you for being here.
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