The Shadow Diaries
Real women - slightly unhinged - get real about the daily chaos of motherhood, business, relationships and everything that comes from life. From airing out the dirty laundry to actually washing it, we dive into the messy, beautiful, and hilarious reality of navigating life.
The Shadow Diaries
Year-End Shadow Work:Our Goodbye to 2025
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What if growth isn’t about fixing yourself, but about finally letting yourself be seen—mess and all? We close out a turbulent year with a grounded reflection on health, impact, authenticity, and the quiet power of permission. Along the way, we unpack how “healthy” moved beyond routines to include grief capacity, relational repair, and self-compassion; how “impact” masked a drive to prove worth; and how our golden shadows, like hard work and resilience, can tip into self-sabotage when we make life harder just to feel deserving.
You’ll hear the story of a “shame share” that turned performance into presence, not to win forgiveness but to stop self-punishing. We explore the difference between being honest and being exposed, why masks can be healthy boundaries, and how reclaiming timing is an act of self-trust. Authenticity, it turns out, isn’t about showing everything; it’s about choosing where truth serves connection and where privacy protects integrity. We also look at the belief that success must be hard, and how ease can be a legitimate outcome of clarity, systems, and aligned effort.
Looking to 2026, our guiding words are intention and alignment. We’re stripping back busywork, automating what drains us, and focusing on work that lights us up, relationships that can hold blunt love, and daily rhythms that honour capacity. Duality is the practice—holding grief and joy without collapsing into extremes, staying present enough to choose instead of perform. If you’re ready to move from proving to permission, from fixing to feeling, and from chaos to a life that actually fits, you’re in good company here.
If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs to hear they’re not broken, and leave a review with your word for 2026—we’d love to read it.
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Steph is here and Lurinda is here.
Welcome to the Shadow Diaries. This isn't a Deer Diary, it's a Deer Shadow.
SPEAKER_02:Here we are pulling the curtain back to the good, the bad, and the ugly to bring light to those deep inner thoughts and feelings you keep on having but are too ashamed to admit to. To provide a safe space and get radically honest about what's holding you back and what shadow work really is.
SPEAKER_00:This isn't surface level. It dives deep into your soul to meet it with acceptance and compassion. There is no need to hide. All is welcome. This can be a space where you land and receive real women, real stories, real shadows. This is the Shadow Diaries, and your story starts now. Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Shadow Diaries. And this is one I actually look really forward to doing because I love reflection. And we are saying goodbye to 2025. And we are actually doing this in November. So if anything happens in December, we'll probably make another episode about that. But we wanted to reflect on the year that it's been how much has changed, maybe some identity crisis along the way, and also what we're looking forward to in 2026. So, Steph, I can't even remember the word that you used to come into 2025. It was health. And how is health for you?
SPEAKER_02:That is so fucking funny because I'm literally just getting over the flu right now. So shit. Um look, I was actually reflecting on this this morning, I think, as I was driving home from dropping my children at school. I think at this point, I don't necessarily feel like I hit that like I wanted to. However, that's okay because we're always allowed flexibility. I think I did really well in the first half of the year. I kind of really noticed a pattern that I had of keeping myself busy all the time, where things were really chaotic, and I really worked on slowing down. That was obviously helped by the huge amount of shit that has been sent my way this year. Um there's been a huge amount of grief in my family, like losing losing my grandma late last year, and then we've lost two animals this year, and also obviously the ectopic that I had in March. Yeah, I think it was March. Bloody hell, it feels like last week. Um but I definitely feel that in other ways maybe it didn't kind of come out the way that I thought it would, but I definitely think that it's highlighted how much my capacity has expanded. Pardon me, how much I have been able to kind of handle and how much I've been able to continue focusing on things even when things have been hard. Like still showing up in my business, still showing up at home. I definitely think I've fallen off the bandwagon a little bit in the last couple of months or so in terms of exercise and things like that, which really sucks. Um, but it is what it is, and this is the thing, right? Is that if we're falling off bandwagons during like busy times, periods of stress, all of the things, we kind of tend to stay off of them. And for me, it's like this is a setback. I know that I'll get back to it. But sometimes there's just not enough time in the day to do all of the things that you would ordinarily do, and that's very much been the case the last couple of months for us. It's I mean, by the time this air, we will be in our new house. Exciting, we'll have been there for nearly two months, and that has been also something that's hover been hovering over our heads for most of the year. We've been looking for a new house for a very long time. We nearly bought one in June, but it fell through. Um, and so this one is going ahead, like science still delivered almost in a couple of days, which is really exciting. But that I'm sure will be amazing for our family because it's actually enough space. Uh the house that we're living in at the moment is a three by one. The house that we're moving into is like a three by five. So five by three, the bedrooms first, five by three. Um this cough. Yeah, so there's been sort of like personally, I know, like personally, I feel like maybe the health has taken a little bit of a back step, but there's been huge expansion in other areas in terms of relationships and awareness and things like that. I I feel that's been like a really big period of growth for me this year. Like obviously, with our little uh our little spat that we had earlier in the year. Um and also within my business and really kind of like building systems and creating a strategy there that's been really cool. Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:It looks different, but I'm not necessarily mad about it. Yeah, I guess my question that comes to my head is when you talk about like the word health, what was the intention at the start of the year for health?
SPEAKER_02:It was to I think just improve the way that I spent my time. I think as well, like when I when I say that, it shows that things don't always go to plan or the way that you think that they will go. Because like it's very easy to sit here and go, yeah, this year's gonna be the year that I fucking do like X, Y, Z. Like, yes, I'm gonna like get on top of my health and I'm gonna become, you know, a bikini model. But life doesn't work like that. It does throw things your way. But I do think that I have been true to the things that are important to me. And I think that I have been able to, like more able to this year more than any other year, to be at peace with not being able to get to everything, but being able to give everything enough attention that it still clicks along and to be okay with that. I think the balance is better because I'm not trying to give 100% to everything all of the time. Like I'm far more conscious about what's going on and how that does affect my capacity and what can afford to drop for a week or two and what can't afford to drop. So I think in that regard, honestly, I think it went to a deeper level than the whole, you know, I'm just I'm gonna exercise and I'm gonna, you know, drink my water.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Cause like as you were talking, I was just like, yeah, the health intention at the start of the year was like, yeah, I'm gonna take care of like my body and I'm gonna exercise and do these like surface level things because you know that's gonna feel really good. But it's kind of just like, how many depths did you have to go this year in order to like fix your health? Like health is such a broad like spectrum, and it's kind of like, well, you and I had a rupture and repair. That's healthy. That's what healthy relationships have. Like you and Johnny over the year, like you and the kids, like there's been so many things that you've had to prioritize this year and meet new depths in order to have a healthy life.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, definitely. I think I've become a lot more. I have a much healthier relationship with kind of sitting with my emotions as well. Like obviously at the start of the year when we lost our dog in a very traumatic way. Um, I had to sit with a lot of emotion around that. Like when we put down the cat in that was October last month now, by February, that will have been three months ago. Um, just allowing myself to kind of sit with those emotions and it be okay when it did impact life and to not feel like I had to kind of just push through it.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And it was like, yeah, I'm fucking sad, and that's okay. And I'm allowed to be sad, and yeah, that's gonna affect my patience a little bit, and that's also okay. But then to go and apologize and be like, yeah, okay, I'm a bit of a bitch at the moment. This is why I'm not saying it's okay, but it is what it is. Like, I think I've gotten much better at giving myself grace this year, which is really nice.
SPEAKER_03:We love that. We love it. What was your word? I can't remember yours either. Impact. Impact. How have you how do you feel you've uh you've met that this year, Lorinda?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I only remembered my word, like literally, like as you were talking, and I was like, wait, what the fuck was my word? Um, so that's been great. You can tell how that went. I think that when I said the word impact, there's a few pieces that come up for me. I'm kind of like, oh, interesting. I wonder if it was a projection. Like, did I feel like in 2024 I didn't make enough impact in people's lives? Like, did I feel like I needed to do more, I needed to prove more, I needed to be more. Like there was this piece here of like, oh, I wonder why I chose that word in that way. Because like when I said impact, I was like, cool, I want to make a bigger impact on my household. Like, you know, and that I feel like that's been really good this year. My household is a lot more organized and it's a lot more stress-free. I want to make a big impact on my relationships and my friendships. And then I'm also like, impact was a big thing in business. I'm like, I want to do more in 2025. I want to make a big impact on people's lives. So I'm kind of like sitting here now going, oh, I don't think I would have picked that word now. Like sitting here, I'm like actually just being myself has been a big impact on people's lives. And there's like not that piece because I have that lovely little thread of like, I need to prove my worth kind of thing, which most of us have. But I just feel like I wonder when I picked it, was it a piece of I'm still not enough? And I think over this year I've made different moves than I thought I was going to. I have really enjoyed this year. It's been hard, not gonna lie. It has been challenging, but it's been a year where I've held a lot of duality of like there's still so much joy in my life, as well as I've like held some really firm boundaries, to be honest with myself. Like, I got to a point this year where I'm like, oh, hello, burnout. I see you. And instead of like succumbing to that, I'm like, cool, what's actually burning me out? What is it? The way I do my business. I notice that I've been trying to do my business the way that I've been told, like having business coaches and all of the things you kind of fall into the pattern of do as you're told. And then how do I want my relationship to look? How do I want that to feel? Right? How do I want to parent? Oh, how do I want to parent if no one else was putting anything in my head? So I think that's been the biggest thing of year of like, oh, I feel like it was needing to. I feel like this year has been about seeing what other people see. Because this has been something that I've been dealing with a lot of like, I get really beautiful validation. Like this year has been a lot of people validating the shit out of me. Like telling me that I'm a really great coach and giving me really beautiful feedback, and my partner telling me like all of these really wonderful things. And there's this piece that's like, eh, doesn't really land. It doesn't really, I don't really receive it. I was like, oh, well, what happens if I did see it? What would change if I did see what they were saying? If I actually just like not just received it of being like, you know, thanks for saying it, but like, oh, that's what people see, and I'm not seeing it in myself. So I think the impact piece was probably like me needing to see all of the things that I already am.
SPEAKER_03:Love that. Love that what a wild. I'm curious.
SPEAKER_02:If you could go back, and obviously we can't, but this is just like a fun question. What word would you choose?
SPEAKER_00:That's a really hard question. Probably acceptance. Like knowing what I know now, I think that the whole piece of this year was like acceptance of like what do I actually need to accept? Of like I've met a lot of shame this year that I've held, and I think this probably kind of comes into like why I wanted this year to be so impactful because it's my last year of my 20s. I literally, like, by the time this airs, I'm already freaking 30. But like right now, it's two weeks until I'm 30. And I'm like, oh, I wanted my late my last year of 20s to be impactful, like I want it to be something that I remember, but it actually wasn't about me doing anything, it was about me accepting pieces of myself. So like there's a lot of shame that I've held on in my early 20s, a lot of things that I'm not proud of, a lot of mistakes that I made. And we kind of get told in shadow work and in healing that you should, you know, find the gift, find the light. While that is true, I think that there was a piece this year where I needed to accept my wrongdoings without trying to fix them. I needed to accept the things that I like who I was and the mistakes that I made and the people that I hurt without having to justify it, of just going, this is what I did, this is who I was. I can understand why, but it wasn't about finding the gift in that moment, it was meeting the shame in it. Of like, this is this is what I carry on a day-to-day, of like holding this shame so much that I just needed to look at it and accept that that's what has happened.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think you're so right. I think healing a lot of the time is almost it's almost like either love, light, and forgiveness kind of let it go, even though they've hurt you, blah, blah, blah. Or it's radical ownership. And it like it has to be both. Yeah. Because sometimes it's like, yeah, okay, cool. We can understand why you did the things that you did and why you were the person that you were. And yes, that was shaped by experiences and all of the things. And sometimes you were a fucking asshole. And it's like, you know, two things can be true at the same time where that wasn't necessarily your fault, but also that you like in terms of the fact that those that those things did happen to you and all of that sort of thing, but that that did inadvertently hurt people.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And you can't just go, oh, well, you know, yeah, I was young and I didn't know, and you know, I'd been through things and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, okay, cool. And also, until you sit with the shame and until you sit with the like the guilt of thinking, wow, I really did hurt people, and that was kind of shit, you're never gonna let it go.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I think that's the the piece it's been like the last few months of just like, can I literally just meet it? Like, I was even talking to Steph earlier today about like we've had a a thing with you know, with my cat at the moment, and I just missed a a treatment for her, which meant that she ended up getting a tick, and then I just felt so much guilt and I could feel my brain already justifying it. And I'm like, actually, I'm not gonna justify it. I forgot. I didn't hold up to the standards, and somebody that, you know, my little animal got hurt, right? So I actually instead of justifying it, can I just fucking sit with it? I made a mistake. That mistake hurt somebody, and I think this is why I really I still really love our modality of shadow work because it's like sometimes there's no amount of just like you can justify, you can reframe, you can find the gift. All of that is good and well, and that might take an edge off, but it doesn't take the whole thing away. Can you stand there and literally, and so in the imm, this is why it's come up. So in the immersion that I just supported, there was an exercise they had to do, and it was called the shame share. Worst fucking exercise ever. But because we ran out of time, I didn't have to do it because like it was all about the the the students and stuff like that, and a little and I just when I was doing the exercise, I just went ham. I was just like, what do I what do I just need to fucking meet today? And I just was like writing down all of my shady shit that I had done in my early 20s, and we missed out on that day, and I was like, cool, maybe in the universe was just telling me that's what I needed to see for myself today. Okay, I'm okay with this. Anyway, the next day she was talking about um how when we've done bad things in our past that we haven't fully met or even forgiven ourselves for, we could unconsciously punish ourselves, right? I can't have more because of the look of how many people I've hurt in the past. So where is my karma? And instead of waiting for our own karma, we created ourselves. And I had noticed that pattern of like, oh, I don't actually feel like I'm allowed to have the relationship that I have. I don't feel like I'm allowed to have the life I have because in my early 20s I was a fucking awful human. Right? And then I shared that with the group because it's always about like you know, me sharing as well. And she goes, would everyone be okay if actually Lorinda did the exercise from yesterday by herself? Wouldn't I tell you my heart fell out of my ass? Not lying. Um, and it was that piece I needed. It was, oh, I actually need to say all of these things. Right? And that piece is all about like, so they talk about like shadow work and oh, there's so much shadow work at the moment of like, yeah, I've integrated my shadow. Have your have has anyone else seen your shadow though in play?
unknown:Right?
SPEAKER_00:You're like, yeah, I've integrated my bitch shadow. Have you been a bitch in front of somebody you care about? Have they seen that shadow? Is that shadow actually integrated, or are you telling your brain that it's integrated now? Yeah, yeah, I've done with that shadow. All right, cool. So for the shame piece, it's like, oh yeah, I've met the shame. I'm fine with my own shame. Say it though. Can you stand there and say it? Because if you can't, it's probably not met yet. And so it's like being witnessed in that shame. And the prompt was, um, I'd be afraid you didn't like me if you knew. And that's the piece. And as I was saying these pieces, I was just like, oh, I'm actually really carrying a lot of my own shit right now. I'm carrying a lot of shame. And then I did the process. Fucking during it, I was like shaking, wanting to vomit. Flight response was kicked in real hard, couldn't run. So then my freeze response was kicking in. I could feel all of the motions. Then I said it, and then the people like they gave me some love afterwards of like, I still see you and I still love you, kind of thing. And you could feel that energy. And then she goes afterward, what do you need? And I was like, yeah, pretty good. Because it wasn't for me about being witnessed and still liked. That part didn't bother me. It was I actually need to use my own voice to say the things that I've done. And for other people to go, oh, that's pretty shit. That's a pretty awful thing. My life didn't change, the ground didn't fall out beneath me, but it was just like meeting my own shit this year.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I want to know. And that's the thing.
SPEAKER_03:I love that.
SPEAKER_02:Love it. Because yeah, it's it's it's exactly that where people love to go, like, oh, you know, like I'm aware of this, or I'm like on my healing journey, or yeah, I've integrated that particular piece, or I'm fine with it. And I think there's definitely there's there's a I think that there's too much, like there's too much awareness, there's too much taking responsibility, like there's too much of all of that sort of stuff. And so, oh yeah, I know what I did, I know this, I know that, I know, no, no, no, no. It's like, okay, cool, but have you felt it? Yeah, yeah. Cause I can guarantee you, like I've spoken to people so many times. I had a I had a really good conversation with a client the other night, actually. She's like, you know, like, yeah, I'm like, I'm so authentic. Actually, we were talking about this before, and I was trying to remember where that conversation I'd heard it recently, it was from my client the other night. And she was like, no, like I'm so authentic, like, you know, I like I show exactly who I am, blah, blah, blah. I was like, no, you're not. And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, you are authentic and vulnerable about the things that you are happy to be authentic and vulnerable about to avoid people looking over in your closet. And she was like, oh my fucking god. She's like, you're dead right. I was like, yeah, I know I'm dead right because like this is the thing. Is it everybody's like, no, like I'm I just want to get to the point where I'm like so authentic, right? Like I'm so authentic and I give everything and I show everything. Nobody fucking does. Nobody. Everybody has masks, everybody shows what they want to show, and that is okay. Like, you are not people aren't entitled to see all of you. You can show just what you want to show. That's okay. And it's also very important that we don't use words like always, never. Like, I'm always authentic. No, you're not.
SPEAKER_00:As soon as you're using absolutes like that, no, you're fucking not. Actually, it's a big thing around like this authentic piece, right? Because who I am when I'm with you is authentically me in that moment. Who I am with Matt is very different to who I am with you, but that's still authentic in that moment. Yes, I agree. So I'm like, when people like, I just really want to step into more authenticity, my brain goes, What part are you hiding then? If you're wanting to step in more authenticity, that tells me that there's something that you want to bring out in your identity that hasn't been allowed. So then I'm like, so what are you hiding then? And which part are you hiding for who? Right? There are definitely parts that I don't show to certain people because those parts are not safe, but it's authentic to me in that moment to keep those parts safe. But then if I'm craving authenticity, that means that I'm like, oh, there's something in me that I'm purposely hiding that now needs to come out. So what is it?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I actually saw a post from somebody the other day saying, um, like, are you you save your nice, the nice part of you, like the fake niceness for strangers, but you don't give that to your kids. Like you should give that to your kids and not to strangers. And I've been thinking about that a lot. Like, I definitely like the way that I show up with my kids, even is different to everybody else. And I'm like, but again, that's not necessarily me not being authentic. It's that like, even again, like same with you. Like, I'm different with you than I am with other people. Like, I'm I'm quite similar with a lot of people, but then I'm a different person in my coaching containers than what I am, maybe with my friends. And I have like friends who are clients who will sometimes message me, like like text message me, and be like, you know, they'll say something, can I say something back? And they're like, I'm speaking to friend Steph, not coach Steph. I'm like, I'm sorry. And it'll go from like, you know, how do you think you could communicate that differently? It's like, you're right, he's a fucking asshole. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, sorry, sorry, my bad, my bad. But it's like, it's not necessarily that we're like fake nice to other people. It's that I'm not gonna go up to you and be like, you're a fucking dickhead, or you know, I'm not I'm not gonna say the same things because I don't fucking know you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think this has been you are like yeah, I feel like you and I may have gone through a similar thing this year with the acceptance piece because I feel like you and I have kind of like I feel like there's a settling that's happening in our identity, and this identity piece has actually come up this year for me because in coaching I get referred to because I'm soft. Like, oh, if you want somebody who's a little bit more soft and nurturing, like Lorinda's the person, and I kind of got a little offended this year. Lorinda's a psycho because I was just like, what's this soft business? Like, I am, I can be really soft, but then it was funny at the retreat that I um just held in October, we did like a sharing circle exercise, and it was just to get things off your chest. This could be projections or judgments or feelings or whatever. And my support person is one of my best friends in life. And she like we tend to go first just to kind of like crack open the nervous energy because sometimes sharing things is a bit hard. So she was like, I'm can I share something with you? Because everybody, permission first, and I was like, Yeah, yeah. And she goes, Yes, I was a little pissed at you the other day, and I knew exactly where she was going with this because she messaged me about a situation and I was blunt and I was transparent and can sometimes come off a little cold, but it's with the intention of love, right? Because I'm not gonna just tell you something because I want to be an arrogant asshole. I'm like, this is a situation that we've spoken about before multiple times. I can see how this situation is hurting her, so I sometimes accidentally go for the jugular. Um, and it's only because in my mind, in that moment, that's my intention of like, you need like I I want you to see this. Like, I can see how much you're hurting. There was also an unconscious reason why she messaged me, and she admitted that afterwards. She's like, you are the friend that I go to if I need a bit of a punch in the jugular. Right? Like, you're the transparent friend because my biggest thing in life is I don't want, I really cannot stand lying. I would rather you hurt my feelings by telling me the truth than you lying to me. But I'm also transparent, which means that I'm gonna come to you straight away. I'm not gonna wait for you to be like, oh, what do you think? I'm gonna, if you tell me something, I'm probably gonna be like, do you want my opinion? Because I think this is a stupid fucking idea. Like, that's just who I am. She is an absolute fucking savage. But that's who I am with my friends, and then I had another client share something, and she's just like, I really appreciate you, and you I was referred um by somebody we know to you because of your nurturing and softness. What I didn't realize is I can't manipulate you because she had a pattern of like manipulating people into thinking that she's right, and it's not a great pattern, and she's aware of this, but I mean most of us actually unconsciously have this, but I can see through it bullshit, and so I'm blunt with her, and I'm blunt with the people that I feel safe with, and I get told I'm soft and nurturing in so many ways because what role am I playing in those support? I'm here to support you when I'm coaching you, when I'm your friend. Well, coaching, I'm gonna tend to guide you to your own conclusion, but in my friendships, I'm like, you're messaging me for a reason. My identity is that you don't want bullshit, you want this person. So then I had to sit with this weird transition of like, oh, am I fucking cold-hearted? And that was a really weird thing until I got to the conclusion I'm not cold-hearted, I'm transparent. But like, even softer nurturing, like, what does that even mean? I don't know. I just noted anytime someone told me that this year, I was like, why am I so triggered?
SPEAKER_02:Because, like, is it not nurturing to be honest?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I would think so. But like, it's you can tell the way people say it. They're like, oh, Lorinda's our softy. And I'm like, Yeah, I am, but don't make my softness like mistake it for like I'm not blunt or I can't be cold-hearted. You know what? I don't even think you're soft, I think you're emotional. Oh, yeah, I'm so fucking emotional.
SPEAKER_02:Which, like, that can be both. Like, you can be, you know, it's soft and squishy and you know, gooey and all of the things, and then you can also be a fucking psychopath when you need to be. And it's like it's both. Like you feel your emotions very deeply.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I don't know if anyone's into astrology, but I'm a cancer moon, which is like no, other people might get it. So emotional, ridiculously emotional. I don't get it. I don't get it at all.
SPEAKER_02:Um, I don't, I don't like honestly, I I identify with like the straight signs, but as soon as you start bringing moons and houses and shit into it, I'm like, I'm out. I don't understand. I probably should look into it more, but you know, I probably won't either. It's ADHD. Um but yeah, I I I would actually agree. I think acceptance for me, I think that I would swap health to either intentionality or a belief that I uncovered literally maybe two weeks ago. Because I was getting really, I was I was in a I was on a fucking war path a couple of weeks ago. Like we were sitting down planning for the podcast, and I was just ranting, like absolute savage, savage, like bitch Steph was out. And I got off and I was like, fuck, why am I so pissed off by that? And it was around like people just asking for things, expecting to not have to work. And I realized that I have this big belief that you have to work hard in order to have things. And this is where the shadow work comes in as well, because it wouldn't be the shadow dyers if we didn't talk about the shadows that came up here as well. It's also a reflection. But that belief has been hugely helpful because it does keep me, it keeps me like grounded and it keeps me on my shit and it keeps me doing the hard things and it keeps me from going like I don't feel like doing that. Well, bad luck, you've just got to fucking do it. It's helped me to build my business, it's helped me to be able to be the parent that I am with my children. Because let me just tell you that reparenting yourself while you're also parenting is not for the fucking faint of art. It is not easy, it is not the easy path. It is the fucking hardest path that you could possibly take. So of course I took it. But what it was doing is when people were just asking for things, I was getting so annoyed by it. And I realized that because my business has been doing better this year than it has in the five years that I've been in business, like it's just been it's been steadily growing, it's felt really easeful in a lot of ways. Like, definitely there's been tricky bits, of course, there has, but I just really feel like I've kind of found my place. Like it just feels fun, it feels easy to me, like it feels good to me. And so because I wasn't necessarily having to work hard in terms of that side of things, I was purposefully making things difficult in other ways. Like I was, you know, implementing all these new systems and like building new things and all the things because I was like, oh, I just can't be this simple. And I was like, ooh, that's a fun little belief. Not a bad one, because again, there's good and bad to these beliefs. Like they're there for a reason. Okay. And it's I would never ever want to get rid of it completely because I do not want to be that person, like Lorinda and I have had this discussion many times. We are not the people who have built businesses to work an hour a week. Like we fucking froth what we do. I'm so happy to work. I love working. I love doing what I do. But I was intentionally making it really difficult. So when people were asking me, like, oh, how's the business? I'm like, yeah, it's really busy. It wasn't busy, I was making it busy. I was making it busier than it had to be. And realizing that has helped me to kind of go, okay, cool. Where am I making this harder than what it needs to be? So that it feels hard, so that it feels like I am actually earning what I'm getting. So it feels like I'm working hard for it, so it feels like I deserve it. And that for me has been like when I spotted that, I was like, oh God, that's everywhere. I was like, that's literally everywhere. That's in my business, that's at home, that's in my friendships, it's everywhere. I was like, this is like a damn virus. So I've had to really sit down and go, cool, where am I making things a lot harder than what they need to be? So I think this year has definitely been health in that regard is looking at like where is there extra shit on my plate that does not need to be there? And how do I strip that back? How do I pull that back so that I'm still working hard, but on the right things. And not hard for the sake of it being hard, but sake for hard for the sake of being able to build something that feels good. Because there have definitely been periods of this this year that have not felt good where I have just felt like I've been running in place and not getting anywhere because I'm working on all the fucking things that I do not actually need to be fucking working on. It's like, oh, I really need to declutter my house. Ooh, shiny object over there. Let's go and work some. Like I'm moving probably this weekend. I have packed nine boxes. I brought a skip in and I filled that up. So it hasn't been like completely, but I packed one of those boxes on my own. The other eight was when my mother-in-law was here last week and she was helping me. I do have a tendency to get really distracted. So that for me, I think like it the health, the health piece has been noticing these beliefs and instead of beating the crap out of myself for them like I would normally, going, oh, that's fun. And I actually do find it fun now. I spot them and I'm like, oh, you sneaky little fucker. I didn't know about you doing that. Like, cool. Like, okay, cool. What do we need to do? And it's not about like, oh yeah, more work. It's about going, uh, no, that's making things harder. How do we strip that?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like, I don't necessarily need to fix that. It doesn't need to be fixed. The results of some of it needs to be sorted out, but it's not a problem. Yeah. Right? Like, it's not a problem unless you make it a problem. And I think that's been a real thing for me because I think being in the personal development world, there's this constant need to fix. Like, I need to fix things. I need to find the next thing to fix. And it's like, you're not fucking broken. Yeah. Actually. You just need to, like, what if you stopped focusing on what you need to fix and you started focusing on just actually moving forwards, being aware of that and going, yeah, cool. Like, what can I actually do differently? And just change your actions instead of spending six months working out a fucking plan of, oh, okay, what how do I how do I overcome and fix this belief? How do I get rid of it? I don't want to get rid of it. I love that belief. I love that I am a hard worker. I think that that is a phenomenal trait to have. But this is the dark side of the shadows. Okay, it is a golden shadow. Hard worker is a golden shadow. Like that is a good trait to have. However, it can go dark. And where it goes dark is where you're keeping super busy on things that don't fucking matter. So then you don't have time for what does. And it's going, okay, cool. We just need to restore some balance here. Doesn't need to be fixed, it just needs to be balanced, it needs to be recalibrated.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Love that. I feel like a lot of people actually have that tie because success and hard work and all of those things are golden shadows. So you kind of want to step more into those things. But like you said, it's honestly this piece of like, oh, can I use it today to serve me or is it gonna hinder me? And I think you kind of got to the point where it's like, oh, you're running the show too much, and now it's becoming a hindrance. Which is just such a pain in the ass. I just think this year has been really fucking wild. And I don't think there's many other words that I can use for this year. Moving into twenty twenty six by the time this obviously airs, it will be twenty twenty-six, but twenty twenty-five stuff. What what word, what intention do you have for twenty twenty-six?
SPEAKER_02:Oh I think honestly, it's probably intention. Like the episode we did with Cinder, which aired two days ago, like actually in November. That for me was a real light bulb moment where it's like actually when you're intentional with your time and when you know kind of exactly where you're headed and you focus on the right things, it buys you back so much time. So next year I just really want to focus on how intentional I can get and how basically my experiment next year is how much I can achieve in with the least amount of effort, if you will. Like I want to get to the point where it's like just more focused. Yeah. I think instead of making things huge for the sake of making them, I want to see how simple I can make it. Yeah. Like, how much simpler can it get? How much easier can I get? How many, like, how many things can I automate? How many systems can I bring in? And that's across the board. That's everywhere. That's my home life, my work life, my parenting, all of the things. Because like I do have a very full life. There is a lot going on at any given time. I have a lot of beings that rely on me. But I really just want to leave. And I think I've definitely gotten a huge like infinitely better in dealing with overwhelm and stress. Like, I wouldn't say that I tend to get super overwhelmed anymore. It's just like, okay, yep, this is a busy period. That's okay. It'll be fine. I feel like I've almost swung too far the opposite way now, where I'm just so fucking blasé about it. I'm like, eh, it'll work itself out. And it always does. But I really just want to get into that space where wherever I am is where I am. I'd say like intention and presence. Yeah. Like I don't want to be putting effort into things that get half done. I don't want to be putting effort into things that don't light me up. I don't want to be putting effort into things that don't serve me, that don't reciprocate in some way. So I think 2026, Steph, considering by the end of that, it's so wild to me that you're still in your 20s. Because like next year I'm going to be closer to 40 than I will. Well, I am already closer to 40 than I am 30.
SPEAKER_00:I still feel like I'm 20. That's all that matters.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I would say that yeah, I just want to get like really I roll, I want to strip things back. I just want to spend more time just doing like just being. Being rather than doing. Love that. Yeah. How about you? 2026 Lorinda, you know, the first year in her 30s.
SPEAKER_00:I know.
SPEAKER_02:First year of a new decade.
SPEAKER_00:You new new decade, new me. I know. What's your word for 2026? I feel like it's so similar to yours, but the word that keeps coming to me is like alignment. And like doing things that are in alignment with what I want, not what other people want for me or what I think I should want. I feel like I've definitely lived a lot of my life and so many others of like doing things that I think I should be doing. And I feel like going into this next year, like because this year I actually really stripped back a majority of my offers, which has been honestly, I thought it would be way harder than it is. I'm like, I actually just really enjoy like running my retreats and doing my one-to-ones and like doing things that light me up, not because I'm like, cool, is this gonna pay the bill? Like we also we also need those things, but I'm like, actually the things that light me up tend to pay the bills. Yeah. So it's like I've yeah, I've got a few new clients like that have signed up right before Christmas and moving into next year. I'm just like really like focused on you know building up some more one-to-one capacity in my schedule and having more retreats. Um, I'm gonna do, I still want to do two next year, but also like doing I have this like feeling that I just like want to get more out in the world. So maybe like that was the piece of the impact, but it's like no, no, no, we need to do things that are in alignment. So like I do want to do more collaborations with coaches and I do want to, you know, get shadow work out there more, whether it's through this podcast, whether it's through collaborations, my own work. But I also want to do things in my everyday life that are in alignment to what I want. Like, I still really want to focus on my health. My middle child is in her last year of school, so I feel like there's this weird, like constant end of chapters happening, like end of my 20s, end of like my stepkids being in school, you know, my partner is older than me, and so he enters 40 next year. Like, there's a lot of like endings, which means that I also feel like now there's a lot of beginnings, and I really wanna, I guess, also be intentional, but like have those intentions of like, is this an alignment to me? And also that flexibility that alignment can change instead of being like so rigid. So, like flexibility and alignment probably is for next year. I feel like that would feel really good. And maybe at the end of next year I'm gonna be like, oh, I was projecting again. Who knows? Maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It's always hard, isn't it? Because like obviously, full permission, like when we do do these episodes, and like I hope that you guys are kind of hearing when we're talking about this and we're going, yeah, we would change it based off of what we know now. But I feel like we have also had the flexibility and the fluidity to go, you know, that was that was what we felt at that time, and that was really, you know, on our hearts then. And also life doesn't always go that way. But that it still happened, and I think that this is a really beautiful thing because people always like dance near yes, resolutions, and like net net. Reflection is so fucking important. Yeah. Like if you do one self-development thing, do reflection because you can't, you can't change or be better or do things differently if you do not reflect. And that's something that we're constantly doing is reflecting all the time. Because it's just like what our brains do now. We just that's just what we do. It's kind of annoying sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to reflect, sometimes I just want to be pissed off. But unfortunately, that and the problem solving, it really annoys me sometimes. I'll think of a problem and I'm like, I just want to vent about this. My brain will start going, what about this? You could do this, and I'm like, shut the fuck up.
unknown:Stop it.
SPEAKER_02:Um it's it is annoying sometimes, but you can set these intentions and it's beautiful to have intentions because it's beautiful to know where the focus is going and to not just feel like a fucking tumbleweed constantly blowing through the waves and you know, like branches flying in a cyclone because we've just we survived category three cyclone fina on the weekend. I was asleep for most of it because I was dying with the fucking flu. Um, but that it is allowed to change and that you are allowed to be flexible. And this is the this is the piece, is when you're setting these intentions, like if you're very rigid about it, it's gonna feel really hard if you don't manage to hit it. Whereas if you can be flexible and if you can be constantly allowing yourself to shift and evolve, that is where those intentions will kind of still underpin your year like they have, and it just looks different. And maybe it means something different to you now. Like, I mean, health, health the way that I meant it at the start of the year, has actually meant something. It means something completely different to me now.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I've literally touched on that. It's like we actually have intentions that can also be like people get really focused on the specifics, and I think it's really wonderful to have specifics 100%. But it's also really beautiful to also have a broad intention because the universe will go, oh, you wanted that intention, right? Yours was health, changed completely, right? It's almost you were initiated into like health. Well, let's focus on all the areas that you need to focus on to make healthy relationships and businesses and all these decisions. Mine was impact. It wasn't anything to do with anybody else except myself. I needed to make an impact on myself. I needed to see myself in ways that I hadn't allowed myself to see, and also how big some shame pieces were creating an impact on my identity. So, like, I feel there's a piece here of like, yeah, you can also have permission to have this fucking broad intention and see how this starts to play out as well. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I think that's like it's really cool and it's a really fun one. Because I mean, I definitely wouldn't say that either of us had a very it wasn't an easy year by any means. But in saying that, I feel like the way that it was handled, probably on the outside, looked easy. Yeah. Like it looked like it was easy, and it wasn't because it was easy, it was because we have both, I'm not gonna say mastered because I don't believe that you ever master anything. I believe that you get very good at it, but mastering I think is a very egotistical word to use, if I'm being honest. But we have both gotten very good at being flexible and just being like, okay, we're just gonna roll with it. Like, what's the word I'm looking for? It's um like we're we've we've learned to surrender. It's like, and sometimes we don't, don't get me wrong, like sometimes we absolutely fucking don't. Sometimes we'll come into each other and be like, oh my god, this thing's happened. And it's like you just need to let it happen. It's like, I don't want to.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and pissed about it. You're allowed to be pissed. I feel like there's also that piece of like things tend to get easier when you know more about yourself. And I'm not talking like the self-awareness of like, I know why I do this, this, no, no, no. At your core, right? Like, who are you? How do you handle things? How do you like to be loved? How do you like to move in your life? Like, what are your values right now? And this can obviously change, but the more that you get to know more of yourself, which is why we both preach shadow work, if it doesn't heal a past wound, you know what it's gonna do? You're gonna find more of yourself. And I think there's a big piece around like the biggest transformation breakthrough piece of shadow work for me is I know who I am. Right? It hasn't been this big emotional release thing. It's I know who I am, I know how I move, I know how I respond, and I also know how I react. So And also, like you like who you are. Yeah, I do. Some parts I'm like, you can fuck off now. Um, but there are pieces that I'll meet. Maybe I still feel that way, but that's okay. But I think it's this piece of like the more you know who you are, the easier things in I'm gonna say easier. I'm like, they weren't fucking easy, but they didn't rock us to the point where we disassociated. Like if this was me three or four years ago after this year, I probably would have been a disassociative mess. She would have been in the in the corner rocking. But I'm like, okay, cool. There's it's either gonna, and I think also the acceptance piece, like shadow work brings a lot of acceptance. You're not gonna have a life filled of love and light all the time. Yeah, which means shit's gonna happen, shit's gonna hit the fan, people are gonna leave you. Like, there's there's so many truths in this dark piece, right? Of like this shit's gonna happen. But so is love and light if you let it. You can actually hold both at the same time. I was literally talking to a client this morning of like she's holding a lot of grief, and I'm like, just complain to me then. And she was complaining, and every single complaint had, and it was about her kids, even though she loves her kids so much, but it ended with love, and I was just like, Do you know that you're actually holding a lot of duality of like grief and love at the same time? And they can coexist. So I think there's also that piece this year that you and I have just really stepped into, like, oh, there's shit and there's greatness, they can both be here. Just because they're shit doesn't mean I need to fix it. Can it just be here while I'm stepping into my greatness? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I think there's like there's definitely also been a huge amount of push, or like less of a push rather, of just like not being okay. And for me, I've always been like, no, I'm fine, like the strong, resilient one who's just like, yeah, like things are really hard, but like I'm okay. I'm thinking, like, specifically as you were talking just then, thinking about like my topic, which is obviously such a huge fucking shock to us, and just so like such a whirlwind. But I just think about the way that the people in my life showed up for me after that. Like my friends organized a care package and dropped it to my house. Like another friend dropped me fucking um scrolls, like the um the ones with the cream cheese on it. There's a there's people in Darwin that make amazing scrolls. She dropped me like six of those, and I haven't seen her since, but she dropped me scrolls just after my after my thing. Like friends were checking in on me, like my husband, you know, took time of work to like deal with the kids. I was able to ask for support like the the Monday afterwards. I just said to my husband, I was like, I don't feel okay to drive. Can you please drop the kids off and pick them up? I just I don't feel okay with it. And previously I would have just battled through, but I was like, I'm not, I'm not ready to. And that I was able to allow myself to be supported during honestly, it was insane. It was in it was such a crazy time, but also I didn't put pressure on myself to feel it immediately or to move through it straight away or to be okay or to not be okay. I just gave myself permission to feel how I felt. And I I gave myself permission to be a little bit dissociated for a little while, and to be like, holy shit, what just happened? I gave myself the space to compartmentalize it to go back to work. I didn't make myself feel bad about the way that I chose to handle it, and I handled it when I was ready to handle it. And I think it's that piece as well, right? Like there's all the, you know, oh, like you have to feel your feelings and you can't avoid things. Like, it's not always necessarily about avoiding things. Sometimes it's about waiting until you're actually ready to feel that properly. Yeah, and sometimes it's just waiting until you're like it actually comes up. Sometimes it's just allowing yourself to feel like shit for a little bit longer until it's ready to go. Because I think a lot of the time people try to rush these processes because they don't want to feel like shit. They don't want to feel they don't want to feel uncomfortable, they don't want to be in pain, they don't want to, they don't want it to be hard, and that is so understandable. And also, I can't rush this shit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I feel like the piece that you keep touching is that when did like personal development take away our autonomy?
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Right? Yes, and this can be a whole nother conversation, but like the piece that I keep hearing is it's actually your fucking choice.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And we keep going, well, okay, I'm having this emotion, and before I tell this person emotion, I need to tell them why I'm triggered by this emotion, or I need to explain my next step A, B, C, D, because I can't sit in it for too long, but I'm gonna feel it because that's what everyone's telling me to do. I'm gonna feel it to this extent because that's all I can handle right now, but at least it looks like I'm healing because I'm feeling it. You keep telling me to feel it, I'm feeling it a little bit, and so then you're not actually listening to what you want. You're going, I know that this is the game plan that's been set, these are the frameworks, these are the rules, these is I have to feel it to heal it, but then I have to also like be able to show up and don't be the victim, even though I've just been through something really traumatic. So it's like you're performing. Yeah, like also, when did you start to lose your autonomy? And I think that you kept using the word permission, and I was just like, actually, I feel like permission is a really beautiful word for us to step into also in 2026. Permission to make mistakes, permission to have fuck-ups, permission to have more joy without feeling bad that other people don't have it. That's something that fucking comes up for me all the time. Yeah, that's a big one, 500%. And I think that that's like I was gonna ask you this question to finish it off as well of like, well, what are you leaving behind in 2025?
SPEAKER_02:Oh I definitely think the need to prove that I'm enough by what I can do. And I'd like to take in this is something I was talking to my coach about recently, um, that I deserve to be, I'm worthy of being loved, of being paid, of being whatever, just because of who I am rather than what I can do. So I think that for me would hugely like if I if I can if I can can get to the point where I believe that, because again, we're all work in progress, guys. We've all got our shit. If I can get to the point where I can fully believe that I am enough just as I am, of who I am, of like of trusting the gifts that I have, because I do believe that I am a very gifted coach. I believe that I am gifted at being able to read energy, at being able to ask the right questions, at being able to see people and being able to make them feel seen and safe and accepted. Like I have people all the time who tell me, like, I've never told somebody that. I've never told people that I don't talk to people about this because I'm so scared, but I'm just not like I can talk to you about anything and I know that you're not gonna judge me. I'm like, no, tell me more. I'm thought I'd love, I love hearing it. I want to hear what's going on with your brain. I'm not gonna sit there and go, like, oh my god, you're horrible.
SPEAKER_01:I'm like, oh, tell me more. Let's find the connection. I wanna know.
SPEAKER_02:But like I think that that would really help me to settle into that whole, it can actually be really simple, and I don't actually have to work as hard. And I still will work hard because I I love working, but yeah, I think that that's probably what I would leave behind. What about you? You're not getting away with not answering that question. Be so for real.
SPEAKER_00:And like thought about that, I was like, oh fuck, if I ask her, there's just gonna be axe. I think it's really hard because I'm like, the thing that's coming to me is like, well, one, I'd really fucking love to people like leave people pleasing, but like I think that's just gonna be a thread that I have to constantly, like, and most of us do, and people pleasing in some ways keeps me safe. But I also think there's a piece here of like I would really love to leave behind that like me avoiding self-perception, right? Because I'm just like you get so like caught up in of like, oh, like what other people think about me? And then I'm like, wait a second, what do I think about me? What do I really think about me? What do I really love about me? And like maybe also like kind of stepping into like more golden shadow work into 2026. Like, what what makes me me? Like, how can I step more into like my own identity work again? Of like, oh, it's really not about everybody else, but it is about me, and like who I think leaving behind the who do I think I need to be and who do I want to be? I feel like that's being a piece.
SPEAKER_02:We're both doing the same fucking thing next year, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, there's just I feel like there's some like conditioning that like is being unraveled right now of like actually I'm gonna work the way that I want to work, I'm gonna run my life the way that I, which obviously comes into the alignment piece of like, okay, cool. If I could be anybody with any trait, who would I be? How would I show up in my friendships? How would I show up in my relationship? How would I show up in my business? What would I be actually doing? Right. Because I also have that that wonderful belief of like you need to work really hard, right? So there's also a part of me that's like, okay, well, I can't have success in my life until I've been in the industry for X amount of time. Because there's a belief of like you'd climb the ladder. And that's constantly being disrupted this year because I'm like, I've been given really beautiful opportunities and I've been shocked by them. Not in a way of like, oh, I feel really grateful and I can't believe it, of like, uh, ask me in five years. Me? What? Yeah, like I haven't done enough, there's not enough evidence and proof that I'm allowed to have this. So I think that piece is also something I'd like to leave behind. I'm like, well, what do I want to fucking do with my life and can I just do it? Thanks.
SPEAKER_02:Before I before I feel like I deserve it or before I feel like I'm ready. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we need to do something about that next year. Maybe we need to work through it. Maybe we need to create something around it. We'll be together. We love a collab. Because then we get to see each other more.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, didn't I just end it out to the universe that I want to do more collabs? You did. You did. I'm just answering you. Thank you, universe.
SPEAKER_03:You're welcome.
SPEAKER_00:2025. Hell of a year.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like it's ending well, once we've moved, it will end really well. Like I'm I'm so fucking excited to do Christmas in my new house. And then we get to go and spend Christmas with my husband's family in Sydney. And I'm so excited for that. Like I just can't wait for some family time. Like getting all the kids together is always so much fun. There's eight kids under nine. Holy mackerel. Yeah. Like nine is the oldest. She'll be 10 in February. And then my daughter is the youngest, so she's four. She was just four a couple months ago. It's just like it's so much fun. It's anarchy, but it's so much fun. Like, I just love it. So I'm really looking forward to just spending some time. But in saying that, like, I fucking love Christmas. I love it. I can't wait to move into the new house and decorate. I fucking love it.
SPEAKER_00:We're literally pulling up the tree this afternoon. I think that's what I actually also like. You were talking about, and I'm like, oh, how's my year ending? But mine is actually very similar. Like we go away over like second week of December with my in-laws, and we go to a resort and we have lots of time with the cousins. And then it's yeah, and then it's like my middle child's birthday because mine and my middle child are like a day apart. And then I'm 30 while we're away. And then we go pretty much come home and we go to my mum's and I spend more time with family. And then we come back and our beautiful family from Canada is coming over, and then we're having my 30th. And I'm like, there's just so much love to end of this year. So I feel like we've talked about what do we want to leave behind? And I'm like, I just want to take that energy into like 2026, like to have just so much love coming into the year and like accepting love.
SPEAKER_02:Now when you initially asked that, I was kind of like at first, I was like, I don't actually know that I do want to leave anything behind per se, because I'm a big believer in you know, you're the sum of all of the things that you've been through. And so I don't even, I mean, we've had this conversation before, briefly. I feel like this would actually be a cool episode idea of around like identity deaths and how I don't necessarily believe in them. Um I believe that parts of kind of like you they're they're not represented as highly anymore, but I don't believe in identity death. I believe that you carry it all with you. Um yeah, it's it's this piece of like it's been a hard year, but it's also been a beautiful year in a lot of ways. And it's I just like again, the human brain doesn't really love the gray areas, it loves the black and white. Of its either really shit or really good. And it's like, but it's been both.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It has been both. It hasn't all been bad. Like, there's been some horrible things that have happened, but there's also been some really amazing things that have happened. And it's like, it does actually get to be both. And I think that's the beauty of shadow work and of learning how to hold that duality, is that you don't titrate quite as much through the highs and the lows. It's sort of it's more of a balance where it's like, yeah, this is a little bit tricky, but like you can kind of come back into balance a lot easier. It's rather than sort of like those big up and downs, it's like it's just softer. Yeah, I agree. And I think that that's yeah, that's been a really beautiful part of this here. But as always, thank you so much for joining us. We have loved having you. If you have loved listening to this episode, if you have a word for 2026 that you want to share with us, we would love to hear from you. We love chatting to you guys. Our inbox is always, always open. And share this with a friend, review, share your favorite episode. Because we do like our biggest goal for this podcast is impact, is getting it out to as many people as possible to help as many people as possible. So we thank you always for listening and for being with us, and we will see you in a fortnight. Oh my fucking god, it's hot.
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