Ep5 Why “Hell Yes” Clients Ghost You Before Hitting Buy And How To Stop It Happening

You know how it is.  

You create a service because people said they would 100% buy it and then they are nowhere to be seen when it's launched. 

You have a discovery call with someone and it feels like a match made in heaven, but then you never hear from them again. 

You think you've found a “hell yes!, I'm all in!” client, but when it comes to actually hitting “buy” they have a list of reasons why not to. 

There's a very real reason why this is happening and it's all to do with hormones. In this episode I outline why keen buyers might be ghosting you and how you can use conscious marketing to invite them to stick around (and hit buy!).

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Transcript

 Hi, and welcome to The Mirror,  the podcast where conscious business owners learn how to practice marketing that is conscious, enjoyable, and a true mirror of the brilliance of their service.  This isn't another generic marketing podcast. This is where you learn the deep psychological principles that create effective marketing, where you can quiet the noise of the business world and tune into how to do things that are a true reflection of you. 

Where you can learn how to finally have the impact you know you are capable and worthy of having.  I'm your host Emma, a marketing expert of over a decade. I truly love what I do and I'm bursting with knowledge to share with you all. So sit back, relax and let's dive in. Hi  and welcome back to another episode. 

I'm gonna dive right in. Let's talk about ghosting.  Now, when I think about being ghosted, my first thought actually goes to the dating world. And, hands up, confession, I have ghosted someone in the dating world. Not when I have met them. My kind of rule of thumb is, if we have met, If we have been on multiple dates, then there needs to be an explanation as to why I might not want to continue communicating. 

But, I definitely have had that experience of matching with someone on a dating app,  Getting that kind of satisfaction from the match, chatting a little, and then actually going and looking back at their profile, and being like, I'm not actually really interested. And then not responding from there. Which, I am not saying, is the right thing to do.

This is by no means a dating advice. podcast,  but I have also been ghosted in dating, and in my opinion, in a far worse way of having met someone, having gone on a really good date, saying we want to see each other again, and then being ghosted on the back of that.  And as somebody who is fascinated by human behavior and psychology, naturally, I spent some time researching what on earth was going on. 

And I mean, like, psychologically.  Now, as soon as I started down this path, I forgot about the guy who'd ghosted me completely, because, as you know, I'm so passionate about marketing and all of these topics. And I actually ended up going down a path of understanding just the general process of hormone fluctuations and how to deal with them.

Specifically in regards to the buying process, so no, this isn't gonna tell you about why someone ghosts you in dating. I still Didn't really figure that out. If you know, let me know.  But essentially, why this is relevant to you is that when clients are ghosting you, and by that I mean they are super interested in your service, they are all in, hell yes kind of clients, it feels like the perfect match, they love what you do, they're all in.

They know that it's right for them. They want to hit buy only for them to disappear and for you to not hear from them again. What is actually going on here is a hormonal fluctuation and we as marketers, and yes, if you are someone who has your own business and sells a service, you are also a marketer. We need to understand this process to not only increase our sales, but increase aligned and empowered.

Now, a lot of marketers know about this process. They know how the hormones are fluctuating, why people end up ghosting, why someone's all in, and then you never hear from them again. And they have these set of quote unquote tactics that they use to stop this process from happening. And quite often these tactics are manipulative, they're fear mongering, they're creating false urgency, and just in general, they are unethical. 

Now what we want to be doing is tapping into this process in the sense of creating safety, clarity, understanding, building trust, so that we aren't being ghosted by clients who our service is genuinely a match for, but we also aren't using them. manipulative, unethical methods to not be.  And so this is what this episode is going to dive into.

We are going to speak on this process that is happening so that you can understand it more clearly. And then we're going to speak about some of the things we can do within our marketing to create that safety and encourage aligned purchases.  So firstly, much like that experience on a dating app, when someone comes across you or your service and They instantly like it.

They instantly connect with it. We are experiencing a dopamine spike.  Now, dopamine, we all know, is this hormone that feels good. It kind of gives this little rush of excitement. It's anticipation. It's that curiosity. It's wanting to know more.  Now this is a natural spike, and this is important to consider when we're speaking about these hormonal processes, is that it's very normal.

It's not about stopping these things from unfolding, or forcing them to happen, it's just about allowing the process to naturally unfold.  So when someone has that dopamine spike,  what they tend to do is want to know more. As I said, it piques curiosity.  Now here what starts to happen, When they dive deeper into our world, when they start to understand more about us and our service and our approach, is oxytocin can increase.

Now we know oxytocin as the love hormone, the love chemical.  And essentially what this is about is building that resonance, aligning values and essentially cultivating trust.  Now in this phase here, people are not as considerate of risks. They are very much in this like bliss like state, just feeling that joy, that enthusiasm, that openness,  the trust in a person and in a service. 

And so this is where we may receive those messages, like, oh my god, this looks like exactly what I need, this is perfect for me. It may also be where we're having discovery calls, and we're feeling that strong connection, and it feels like things are really good, and that people are really interested, and they're a perfect match. 

This is great. This is part of the process. This is something I speak about within mirrored marketing within the first module. This is my signature program, helping you market your service in a way that truly mirrors it. We speak about building this resonance, about creating this trust, about aligning values, because this is so powerful within marketing.

This is really the root of where.  That desire to purchase comes from, and that is why you can have these clients feel very all in during this phase.  But, what tends to happen next is an increase in cortisol. And we start to see this arise when people move towards making that purchase.  Now, when we think about cortisol, this is often referred to as the stress hormone, but it's really just where clients start to evaluate risks. 

They start to second guess their decisions, kind of take that step back and really consider if something is right for them.  Also what we have to consider here is that this is tends to be where we see a bit of a dysregulation of the nervous system. Again, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often when we are making purchases, we are parting with money, which is heavily tied to sense of security and safety.

So we are bound to be considering risk and feel a little bit fearful when this occurs. And also many of us create these offerings that are quite life changing.  Now life changing means stepping out of a comfort zone and doing something differently.  And for many people, even though it may be a good thing, it can create an element of stress, of discomfort, of dis ease, because we are shifting the norm.

We are bringing people out of comfort.  Now here we see people talk about objection handling.  And this is where we can start to see some of those quote unquote icky tactics, potentially even manipulative and unethical. And some of what we might see here is, like I said, handling objections, so kind of  really  creating these narratives that almost don't allow space for people to have objections. 

I have a client who I worked with who worked with a business mentor who was adamant about her needing to take payment on the calls. Now you may have seen this tactic before and I call it a tactic because it very much does feel like one in my opinion.  What this is doing is it is eliminating that space for  consideration because marketers know that when that cortisol spikes.

We are in kind of fight or flight mode. So if you can get someone to take action there and then  it's almost harnessing that fight or flight response and encouraging a quick, almost thoughtless action.  But if you are here and you're listening to this podcast, then I can imagine that you want to do marketing consciously. 

What we want to do is actually create space for this to happen. Any change is going to create a little bit of dysregulation. Fear is going to arise. Discomfort is probably going to be a part of the process. What we don't want to be doing here is bypassing that and not allowing people to feel that.

Because what happens then, if we really  handle objections or we create this false sense of urgency, like you need to do it right now, it's  We might get sales through, like it can be a quote on quote effective way of marketing, but what happens is when the mind catches up, when the nervous system regulates again, it's not going to feel aligned.

Or people are going to go into the service with this panicked state, with this, uh, energy of force  and we don't want that because we want to have aligned clients. We don't want people that come into our service and then aren't in the space to receive it, don't actually feel like it's fully right for them and are probably gonna only have negative things to say about it and not feel like it is a positive experience.

Because you'll have heard me say how people enter into our service based on the marketing is often what ripples through and tends to be their experience of the service itself.  So we want people to be coming in from this very aligned, grounded, empowered, you know, Space and yeah, there may be a little bit of fear within that process But what we need to be doing is creating this safety for This part of the process for this cortisol spike  now some ways that we can do This is the opposite of what I have just says within those quote unquote manipulative marketing tactics  And we can start to  create that space for resistance.

And I have just had this with a mentor where I was very all in on her service. And then I have been met with a huge unexpected bill that has just rocked my nervous system a little bit. And now parting with a big chunk of money does not feel safe for me right in this moment. The service is still absolutely right for me, I know that.

But in this moment right now, it doesn't fully feel safe. And I just said that. I was really honest and I was like, I love this service. I know that it is what I need. I'm feeling a little bit dysregulated right now because of being met with this unexpected bill and I just need a second to recalibrate and then I will be back in touch.

She's like, yeah, cool.  And this is what I would want potential clients of mine to do as well.  To take space. Like I never rush people. I say. Okay. This is all the information. If you have any questions, let me know. And there can be an element of urgency here, because I know sometimes I, as an air sign, who's very floaty, need a sense of direction.

So if someone says the early bird ends at the end of the week, that's really great for me, because it gives me the time to say, okay,  Is this right for me? I've experienced this kind of cortisol spike. Let me just allow that to calm down and then I can make this purchase from an aligned place. But also if the door was just permanently open,  I might not.

So it's about finding that balance. So we're giving people that space. We're recognizing that change can be triggering.  We can have a reaction within the nervous system. We can create that safety to discuss. Any of those things. Not in this like, forced objection handling way where we basically gaslight people into  thinking that they can't have this experience. 

And we just open up for it. Okay, yeah, you're feeling like that.  That's really interesting.  Do you have any questions about it? Is there anything you want to speak out? Is there anything you want to share on? No? Okay.  And trusting people to make these decisions for themselves. If it is right for them, allow their own inner authority to come to that conclusion. 

Something else we can do here is really prime that nervous system with information and clarity.  So, create the trust of outlining what a service is very clearly. What it entails, who it is for, what it is designed to do, the style that it is delivered in. Not bombarding with details and logistics, but really creating that awareness where people know what to expect.

That can be so soothing for the nervous system to have information and clarity around something. And I have noticed this tactic actually used within marketing, of like being very vague,  Specifically to create this mystery and the suspense and this anticipation so that people buy. And this isn't something that actually aligns for me, like I like people to know so that they can sit and decide for themselves whether it is something that aligns with them.

So this can be really helpful during that cortisol spike phase to actually just allow people space, as I said, and then present information. That lets them kind of come to their own conclusions and again, they may have questions within that, but it's really about creating that safety.  Through clarity.  And then, as I mentioned before, this resonance piece.

So really about building trust.  Resonance is about people seeing you within the service. It's about aligning with your values, your way of doing things, seeing your own embodiment and your expression of a service.  And the deeper the resonance, the higher the levels of trust, and the less people consider the risks.

So, in regards to this process we're talking about, the less of that cortisol spike we're going to see. There's going to be a stronger presence of the oxytocin, and there may still be that little cortisol spike, but it's not going to be quite as high. And this is important because when we're seeing these huge spikes and dips, that is when we have the all in, the ghosting.

And if we're trying to close the gap on that, we want to be creating a much more steady way of associating with our service.  So this is really about offering reassurance and empowerment for people.  We are creating space, letting the process unfold, presenting all information,  discussing objections if they're there and if there's a willingness to speak about those,  and then empowering people to listen to their own inner authority, to take action from an aligned and grounded place, and also to have that trust within us  to go on this journey and want to hit buy on a service. 

So that is a very brief overview of this hormonal process that is going on for buyers. It really does explain why you have those clients that are all in, and that all in is genuine by the way, people aren't just saying that, they are, but there's a very physiological reaction that is going on within them that is telling them that it's not safe, that they need to hit pause, that it's not right to do it. 

And when we understand what is going on with this process, perhaps we can Create content at specific parts of the purchasing. So maybe this is an email you send post call. Maybe it's an email that's in part of your funnel. Maybe there's content that goes out at a specific phase of your launch. And I speak about this within the launching process within mirrored marketing.

To really consider.  what part of this process the buyer is at, because this is what we mean when we're talking about marketing psychology is understanding buyers on the deepest level, meeting them there, giving them the reassurance, the information, the empowerment they need, so that the purchase is something that they want to be doing.

They feel empowered to do.  And if you want to know more about this process, I have included everything about mirrored marketing below. And if you have any questions and you want to dive into this topic deeper, check it out. As I always say, my DMs are always open. I try to keep these episodes as like the overview, not too much information.

But if you want to know more, I could chat for days about this. So please do get in touch. I hope this episode has been helpful.  Thank you so much for listening to this episode.  I really hope that it was helpful for you, and if it has made you want to find out more of the ways you can work with me, all of the information about One to One, my resources, my programs, are all listed below in the show notes. 

If you found this helpful, I would really appreciate if you could take a moment just to write a review. This helps other creators just like yourselves find this podcast and have an even greater impact from their services.  I would really, really love to hear from you. Please feel free to get in touch with me over on Instagram or via email, both of which again, you can find below.