S2 Ep3 The Problem With The "Sexy Sell"

In this week’s episode of The Mirror, I dive deep into a marketing pattern many of us have unknowingly fallen into: the sexy sell. You know, the polished promise that gets instant attention: “Book out your services,” “Hit 10k months,” or “Grow your dream audience overnight.”

But what happens when those promises don’t quite match the depth, nuance, and truth of what we actually do?

I unpack how using a “sexy sell” can feel great at first: the validation, the sales, the quick wins, but over time, it starts to feel sticky, misaligned, and hard to sustain. Because when our marketing sells something it can’t fully deliver, it creates disconnection, both for us and the people we’re here to serve.

This episode is an honest exploration of what happens when marketing loses its integrity, how to rebuild that trust, and why the future of marketing isn’t in selling what’s shiny, but in sharing what’s true.

And I've explored that further in this week's Substack.

If you'd like to book a free 30 minute call with me, you can do so here:

I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode!

Head over to Instagram and let me know:

www.instagram.com/consciouscreatorco_

Transcript

(0:00) Hi and welcome to The Mirror, the podcast where conscious business owners learn how to practise (0:06) marketing that is conscious, enjoyable and a true mirror of the brilliance of their service. (0:13) This isn't another generic marketing podcast, this is where you learn the deep psychological (0:18) principles that create effective marketing, where you can quiet the noise of the business world and (0:24) tune in to how to do things that are a true reflection of you, where you can learn how to (0:29) finally have the impact you know you are capable and worthy of having. I'm your host Emma, a (0:36) marketing expert of over a decade.I truly love what I do and I'm bursting with knowledge to (0:41) share with you all, so sit back, relax and let's dive in. Hi and welcome back to another episode. (0:50) I feel like I start all of these episodes in the same way, which is saying that I have just been (0:54) down on the beach to have a walk.I've really got in this kind of creative routine at the moment (1:00) where I go put my toes in the sand and then I come back to record. I'm also shore's environment (1:06) in human design, so I feel like there's just something about being down there that really (1:11) creatively charges me. So it will come as no surprise that I've just been on the beach, (1:16) actually with a gorgeous friend of mine, we got a matcha and just walked along the shore and it (1:20) was so lovely.And we have these steps that go down to the beach that are not for the faint-hearted, (1:26) particularly when you have had a hardcore exercise class the day before. I was struggling going down (1:33) there and I was telling my friend about how I'd been to this Pilates class and my legs were on (1:39) fire. And she was asking me how it was and I was saying, you know what, it's brilliant, but (1:45) I have noticed this theme within several of the classes I've been to lately, like classes at the (1:51) Pilates and not even just the classes themselves, but in just general selling that I have seen of (1:57) exercise classes, where the assumption seems to be that I want to grow my bum, right? It's, (2:05) that's what the sell is.And that's what a lot of the rhetoric within the classes have been of like, (2:10) come on, feel the burn. Let's grow those booties. Like you're going to walk out here with a pumped (2:15) butt.And like, I don't know if I'm saying this lingo, right? Like if you're cringing, (2:19) listening to me saying that, believe me, I'm cringing saying it as well. It feels so unnatural. (2:25) And when I said this to my friend, she was like, oh my God, isn't it so annoying? She was like, (2:30) why is that the assumption that that is what we want? And then we both kind of laughed because (2:36) we were like, because it is what people want.Now, trigger warning here. I'm just about to speak (2:42) about body dysmorphia and patterns of disordered exercise and eating. So if that is a tender subject (2:48) for you, please go easy or feel free to skip.But I am somebody that has had exercise addiction. (2:55) I've had body dysmorphia. I've had a really tough relationship with food in my early twenties.(3:01) And it honestly doesn't trigger me as such to hear this kind of language. It's more now to the point (3:08) that it irritates the fuck out of me because I am not there to grow my booty. I am there to move my (3:16) body and to feel strong and to be able to hold myself as I go through life.And I do a lot of (3:24) desk sittings to counteract that. And that's exactly what my friend was saying. She was like, (3:29) I go there so that I can continue to move well as I get older and as I have challenges in life (3:36) and all these different things.But that's never the narrative that we see because it's not the (3:42) that sells. And my friend was telling me about her friend who is a Pilates instructor. And he was (3:48) saying that if she uses the word core, she barely gets any bookings in her class.If she uses the (3:55) word apps, it sells out. And I was like, this is so funny and no judgement to any facilitators here. (4:02) Like we're all running businesses.We need income. You know, we want spaces filled within (4:08) classes. So totally get that there is an element of just needing to do what's helps.(4:17) But what I know to be true with using what I refer to as the sexy cells. So the thing that (4:24) everybody wants and is like, yes, I'll sign up for that is it is fine if it is in integrity (4:31) and it is something that you really abide by and you can deeply promise. (4:36) But if it is not, there tends to be this point where suddenly selling starts to feel really (4:44) sticky and difficult.And my friend and I were saying that whenever we have used a sexy cell, (4:50) which I absolutely have done in the past in marketing, it looks like things like having (4:54) a booked out service or having a certain income or, you know, having like some sort of outcome (5:00) that everybody is like, I want that. Give me that. It feels good at the start because sales (5:07) start coming in and you're like, oh, my God, it's working.People get it. And of course, (5:12) there is a sense of validation when somebody buys what you do. Like, I'm not going to sit here and (5:17) deny that.And like I say, it times are tough in the business world. And to an extent, there is (5:25) a part that's just like, OK, I need to do what's going to sell. The problem being, though, let's (5:31) actually stick with this example of growing a booty.So another friend of mine is a deeply (5:37) embodied in integrity, personal trainer, and I just adore hearing her go off about these things (5:44) and like really go into the passion of the bullshit that we see so much within the fitness industry (5:52) is one of my favourite things when that like fire lights within her. And she often says what (5:57) really annoys her about this narrative is it's actually really misleading. She's like, because (6:01) to grow a booty, you sound so unnatural.I say I can't stop laughing at myself. You need to like (6:08) lift weights. You need to build muscle mass.You need to grow the muscle in some sort of way. (6:13) And doing things like Pilates or a bodyweight exercise class is not necessarily going to be (6:20) what achieves that. Like a lot of the time, if the instructor has a big booty, it's because they lift (6:25) heavy weights.So they kind of use that as they're like, you know, this is what you can look like. (6:31) But actually, they're obtaining that through a very different methodology. (6:37) And so what tends to happen is people book these classes because they're like, oh, my God, yeah, (6:42) I'm going to get a juicy peach.And then, you know, a few weeks down the line, a couple of months in (6:48) they're like, OK, this doesn't actually work. I'm not actually getting that outcome. That was kind (6:52) of promised to me from doing this.So perhaps they quit. Perhaps they think quite negatively (7:00) about the class. Perhaps they tell friends that it's not good.So you can see how this has this (7:07) ripple. And then for the practitioner themselves, they're like, OK, well, people are dropping off (7:13) or maybe it's like, you know, I'm really struggling to sell with conviction because (7:17) deep down I don't actually fully believe in what I'm saying. Or they start to doubt that they're (7:22) good at what they do, because essentially what they do in the outcome that's promised (7:27) aren't quite matching up.And that is felt both by the practitioner and by the person receiving it. (7:33) And it all just feels a little bit off. This is the problem with presenting the sexy cell.(7:39) If it is not fully in integrity and not fully achievable through the methodologies that we (7:46) are putting out into the world and also through our approach. So a lot of the people that come (7:51) to work with me, they work in this like really raw, messy, vulnerable way where what they do (7:58) is not sexy at all. It's not because often the very best work isn't.It is a little bit messy (8:07) and it is this journey that naturally unfolds and it's very much tailored to an individual. (8:13) So to create this like blanket, this is what you get and it's all shiny and it's really (8:19) based on this expectation or this big dream quite often feels a mismatch to the work that is being (8:27) put out there. And that's where, like I said, it's hard to have full conviction in what's being said.(8:33) It can lead to misaligned clients coming into the space and expectations that are just not (8:41) fully aligned. And this is where we have to really take a look at why we're trying to create that (8:50) cell. Now, I think for me, when I've looked at this, I'm like, why am I trying to create this (8:55) sexy cell? Like, why do I need to feel like working with me is going to help book out (9:01) clients, programmes and services? And the reason being is because I want my work to feel valuable.(9:08) Okay, well, that in itself is interesting. So am I only valuable in what I do if someone books out (9:16) their work from working with me? Am I only valuable if people invest in me and then make (9:22) loads of money off the back of it? Am I only valuable if I'm creating these promises and (9:27) expectations that sound really shiny? So then I feel like I'm good and I'm desired and I'm (9:35) validated. And this has been an inner journey that I have been really going on of like, okay, well, (9:41) what does being valuable actually mean to me? Because if I think about my work in the last few (9:47) months, what really moves me and makes me so grateful for doing this and so proud of this work (9:55) is the people that have emailed me on the back of a 30-minute call to say, (10:00) oh my goodness, I've been a nonstop channel of creation ever since I got off that call.Like, (10:05) I can't stop writing content ideas. All the ones that have messaged me to say, I finally get it. (10:10) Like, I finally feel like I can trust myself within my own marketing.Like, I know what to (10:17) say and I trust in how I'm going to say it. All the ones that have said, you know what, (10:22) I shared a story that felt so deeply resonant. I couldn't wait to get it out in the world.And I (10:29) have not felt like that in a really long time. And yes, of course I have had clients then say, (10:34) I've signed clients off of the back of this marketing that we've kind of created and (10:39) uncovered together. And I'd be lying if I said that that doesn't feel really good too, (10:44) and that's okay.But my value is not inherently linked to that anymore. And it has totally (10:51) changed the way that I market. I now market in a way where I don't make these promises of what (10:57) is going to come from the time together.I market based on a different kind of value that honestly, (11:05) not everyone is going to get. And I have a whole episode on this about being misunderstood in (11:09) marketing and why it is so important. Not everybody is going to get that value.A lot of people are (11:16) going to be like, Oh no, I'm going to sign up to the marketing professional who's guaranteeing me (11:22) sales and getting booked out. Why wouldn't I? And that's fine. That's totally okay.A part of me is (11:29) like, okay, those people aren't for me. And then another part of me is like, I also know that part (11:36) of marketing, as I have been speaking about so much in this season is creating change for people. (11:42) So I've had clients come to me and say, but like, how do I compete with the sexy sell? And we don't (11:48) really want to compete with it in all honesty, but what we need to be doing is considering, okay, (11:53) well, why do people want that sexy sell? So for you, like perhaps it is the, you know, the growing (11:58) a booty or earning a certain amount of money or healing or trauma or getting into a relationship.(12:04) You know, what is it that your clients really want that perhaps another business coach has told you (12:09) to promise within your marketing, because that's the bit that's going to be like, Oh yeah, (12:14) that's what I want. That's the sexy sell. Why is it that people invest in this? Why is it that they (12:22) want it? And why is it a problem that they invest in it or misaligned or inauthentic or out of (12:29) integrity, you know, whatever word aligns for you there.So I'll give an example. I was working with (12:34) a client recently who had many people come to her with this like huge expectation that if they were (12:40) in a relationship, that it was going to suddenly be really healthy, even though it had like very (12:44) toxic patterns before, or if they were single, then they were going to be in a relationship. (12:50) Like this is kind of the pressure and expectation that people were putting on this client service.(12:55) And then when I read her sales page, I was like, but you kind of do allude to that. Like, I think (13:01) I would have a similar expectation coming into this based on what's been written on the sales (13:07) page. And we dove into it together.She was like, Oh my God. Yes. Like, this is what a business (13:13) coach told me to say, and to write on the sales page, because that's what clients really want.(13:19) But I'm constantly feeling like burnt out from my work. And like, I can't fully deliver on what (13:25) people want. And it's really making me blocked.Like I'm struggling to put this work out into (13:31) the world, and I'm struggling to even do it. And it's because a lot of the clients were misaligned (13:37) because they were coming with an expectation that actually didn't match what the client was doing (13:43) within the work themselves. And she was saying things like, you know, sometimes the answer is (13:48) a breakup.Sometimes the answer is that the person's actually not ready to be dating. But (13:55) when you've used this sexy cell to kind of draw them in, there comes this point where you're (14:00) almost at this crossroad of, do I get the result that I've promised? Or do I do what's actually an (14:07) alignment for this client? Now, we need to eliminate this because it is a horrible place for any (14:13) business owner to be in, and for any client to also be put in the position of. We need to make (14:19) sure that within marketing, we're not making these cells that actually lead us to be out of integrity, (14:27) both in our marketing and in the work itself.So for this client, we actually looked at (14:34) what the core is. So it's not about these external outcomes, it's about the feeling that these clients (14:42) want to fill. You know, it's self-assured, it's confident to speak up for themselves, to set (14:46) boundaries, to feel good within who they are, that they don't need a partner to validate that.It's (14:53) really about this kind of empowering sensation that they want to feel. And a part of that, (15:00) also within the marketing, was questioning this even act in the first place of investing in someone (15:07) to get this outcome of a relationship, perpetuates this cycle of not having self-trust. It's like, (15:14) I'm going to invest in you, and then you're going to get me the relationship I desire.(15:18) So it's almost like a contradiction, because if these people really need self-trust, (15:25) but our marketing invites them out of a place of self-trust, then what we kind of need to be (15:30) doing within how we're speaking about this work is bridging that gap of like, the key is actually (15:35) really trusting yourself. Marketing needs to infuse with that. It needs to make sure that (15:41) people are entering into that place with self-trust of like, okay, I'm not booking this (15:48) so that somebody else can guarantee an external outcome for me.I'm booking this because I really (15:53) want to cultivate that self-trust even deeper. I want to harness that, express it. And like, (15:59) there does become a point where we do need to question the status quo within our marketing.(16:06) Another client of mine who was speaking about how she had kind of sold these outcomes and had (16:11) misaligned clients in said something really interesting and was like, a lot of the people (16:15) within her space are really here about creating this new paradigm, but buying into these over-sexy (16:23) sells and like, sparkly outcomes actually just keeps feeding the old paradigm. So part of the (16:31) marketing needed to bring awareness to that for people of like, I know you might be expecting to (16:36) see all these shiny outcomes on this sales page. The reason they're not there is because we are here (16:44) to create this new paradigm and that just perpetuates the old cycle that we're actually (16:50) trying to move out of.And I was like, that's such a good way to put it. And so we have obviously (16:57) these things that like, people can recognise and they're shiny and they want them. (17:01) And it's about actually connecting to, yes, the core of what people want and what our space (17:10) facilitates, but also recognising that we may need to infuse some change-making within our marketing (17:17) to bring people into this place of awareness where they're ready to receive that.And so going back (17:24) to the example of like, this abs versus core, I remember learning that abs aren't actually your (17:30) core. Like when you get the abs on the surface, that's not core strength because I kind of always (17:36) thought they were the same thing. And when I learned that, I was like, oh, this makes a lot (17:41) of sense.And then when I started to understand the role of my core and why I should actually care (17:47) about it, well then I wanted to go to the classes for it. So it's very easy for us to say, oh, well, (17:53) you know, people just buy abs. But part of our marketing needs to bridge that gap because it's (18:00) not their fault necessarily that they don't understand the role of core.They have been (18:04) so heavily programmed to believe that they should want abs and this thing that's like external and (18:10) all about, you know, how we look on the outside. We need to create this awareness of the importance (18:17) of core in a way that people are going to get and understand and actually desire. Sometimes we need (18:22) to change perspectives and the way people think about things.And if you've listened to any of (18:27) this season, you'll know that that is what I'm so passionate about within marketing. My background (18:31) is in behavioural psychology because this is what marketing is. It's not just about creating these (18:37) sexy cells and then being like, here, everyone, this is what you should want.It's about creating (18:42) the necessary change in behaviour, beliefs, attitudes, purchasing that is actually going (18:49) to make a difference for people. But we can't just say, oh, well, you know, people just want (18:53) the sexy cell. It is part of our role to help them understand why maybe they shouldn't want that (19:01) or why maybe something is better for them.And sometimes people are just going to be ready to (19:05) receive that. Like my friend and I saying, we're not booking a class to grow our bums. We're booking (19:10) a class for movement, for strength, stability, that we already get it.We don't need to be told it. (19:15) But maybe some other people do need to have this change in perspective. So I think it's coming to (19:21) this place now where like even the sexy cells, they're not working in the way that they used to.(19:25) Like people are really craving what is real and honest and raw. And that is something that we (19:32) also really have to own within marketing. We have to trust that that's enough.Like the reason we've (19:38) landed on this approach in this way is because it is an integrity for us. It's what our work is (19:45) rooted in. It's very impactful.And we need to make sure that we're also really claiming that (19:51) within our marketing. And this excites me a lot. It really does.If you want to sit and have me (19:58) reflect on maybe where your marketing isn't fully reflecting the actual journey and depth and (20:04) I guess outcome of what you do. This is what I do in my free 30 minute calls. So I will sit and (20:09) I'll let you flow on what it is you do.And then if there's any kind of disconnect within the initial (20:15) view of your marketing, I can very much reflect that back to you. As I always say, (20:20) these spots are very limited. So I will leave the link below.Check in if there's any available. (20:25) I always update and refresh. So keep checking back.But yeah, this is a big topic and I feel (20:30) like I could keep going on this and I'm sure it is going to be coming up in other episodes as well. (20:35) But I would love to know if this has brought anything up for you. As I say, really go easy (20:40) because this isn't all out.It's really like a call in of like, of course, we're going to want (20:45) to put the sexy sell out there that people are going to get one understand and buy. But there (20:50) comes this time where we really are called in to greater depths within our work and how we express (20:56) it. And if you're really feeling that call in firstly, hugely celebrating you and I'd love to (21:02) hear about it.So please do slide in my DMs. I love hearing from you and thank you so much for (21:07) listening to this episode. Thank you so much for listening to this episode.I really hope that it (21:14) was helpful for you. And if it has made you want to find out more of the ways you can work with me, (21:20) all of the information about one to one, my resources, my programmes are all listed below (21:27) in the show notes. If you found this helpful, I would really appreciate if you could take a moment (21:34) just to write a review.This helps other creators just like yourselves find this podcast and have (21:41) even greater impact from their services. I would really, really love to hear from you. (21:48) Please feel free to get in touch with me over on Instagram or via email, both of which again, (21:55) you can find below.Thank you so much for being here and until next time.