S2 Ep10 Why You Need to Consider Self-Development Exhaustion In Your Marketing

In this episode of Marketing Musings, I dive into a conversation that has been bubbling under the surface for so many conscious business owners: what happens when the healing journey becomes another cage?

I share a beautifully human moment I had with a friend and a wildly messy night out in Lisbon that cracked open my understanding of the self-development world and how it’s shaped the way we market our work.

I explore why so many people are feeling fatigued by constant self-improvement, how the wellness industry has unintentionally fed a sense of “not enoughness,” and what this means for the way we approach marketing in 2025 and beyond.

If you want your business to feel like a soft, grounded space for your clients and for yourself, this episode will feel like a deep exhale that inspires your marketing to offer the same sensation. 

I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode!

Head over to Instagram and let me know:

www.instagram.com/em___orlando

If you are interested in working together, you can head to my website here: 

www.consciouscreatorco.com

Transcript

(0:00) Hi and welcome to The Mirror, the podcast where conscious business owners learn how to practise (0:06) marketing that is conscious, enjoyable and a true mirror of the brilliance of their service. (0:13) This isn't another generic marketing podcast, this is where you learn the deep psychological (0:18) principles that create effective marketing, where you can quiet the noise of the business world and (0:24) tune in to how to do things that are a true reflection of you, where you can learn how to (0:29) finally have the impact you know you are capable and worthy of having. I'm your host Emma, a (0:36) marketing expert of over a decade.I truly love what I do and I'm bursting with knowledge to (0:41) share with you all, so sit back, relax and let's dive in. Hi and welcome back to another episode. (0:49) I have just got back from dropping my friend off and you know when you're sat on the driveway in (0:54) the car and that just seems to be where your best discussions come from.It's like, I don't know, (1:00) when you're about to leave each other suddenly all these truths start pouring out or I don't know (1:04) if it's the safety of being in the cocoon of a car but yeah it was such a beautiful conversation (1:11) and it really inspired me because as we were sat on the driveway my friend was speaking about (1:16) something that she has recently experienced which has been really unsettling for her. (1:22) She's such a beautifully self-aware human who instantly started diving into her reactions and (1:30) how she'd handled things and she was speaking about you know how her attachment style had (1:35) been really prevalent and how she had been really disorganised in her response and really anxious (1:41) and then avoiding and you know really going into the depths and there was an element of like kind (1:48) of beating herself up about that and I said to her I was like you know what can you not just be (1:56) a human being having a very normal reaction to a situation? Someone's behaviour has drastically (2:03) changed overnight, there's been a lot of unanswered questions, there's been a lot of uncertainty. (2:10) Of course you are going to have a reaction that is perhaps an anxious one, maybe there's going to be (2:20) dysregulated nervous system involved and is that just kind of normal? And she breathed a sigh of (2:29) relief and laughed and was like do you know what yeah like you're so right like of course I was (2:36) going to react in that way to that situation and whilst there is always work to be doing on (2:42) ourselves of course sometimes we're just reacting as humans and we need to just have love and (2:48) compassion for ourselves in that moment.And then as I'd said this that was the energy she started (2:53) to tap into, she started having so much compassion for her response and just like really seeing (2:58) clearly why that happened and also why it's so okay that that happened. And it really got me (3:06) thinking because I wrote a piece the other day which is now going to be shared this week alongside (3:11) this podcast, I like to kind of pair the pieces I write with podcasts that are of relevance to them (3:17) and I was sat on a Saturday morning just in my pyjamas drinking my matcha writing which is (3:21) usually where most of my emails and my posts come from and I was writing about how I'd been (3:28) on this trip to Lisbon a year ago and I had had such a fun time oh my goodness it was just amazing (3:35) and I went and I met my friends and I chucked this dress on and I went straight out for dinner (3:39) um the cocktails were flowing and I'm the type of person that once I've had a cocktail or two (3:44) I think tequila is a fantastic idea so I ordered the tequila shots and honestly the night was a (3:50) little bit like the hangover you know they all wake up in the morning and they're like what on earth (3:55) happened last night like I think we crawled into bed at like 6am we'd been dancing all night like (4:02) our feet ached there was something sticky in our hair I think someone chucked beer on us or something (4:07) and just like we'd gone from place to place we'd met about 20 different people I actually said in (4:13) my email how I kissed a random Italian man like it was just so much fun it's like the kind of (4:19) night that you're like okay even though I barely remember it I'm also never gonna forget it (4:25) and when I was on the flight home I had this sinking feeling of like (4:30) oh I almost feel a bit embarrassed about the time that I've just had I almost feel this energy of (4:37) shame creeping up because I have been in this deep self-development cocoon for years now it's (4:44) been this process of healing like doing all this shadow work and therapy and just every kind of (4:51) you can imagine I've probably had it and I was like to the point that me going on a night out I (4:59) guess feels like a backward step it feels like I'm unhealed or it's not this like highest version (5:08) of self and in that moment it was such a catalyst because I was like what the hell has this all been (5:16) for if I can't even go on a really fun night out that is one for the memory books without feeling (5:23) like I've done something wrong without feeling this element of guilt and I started to just see (5:30) the entire self-development world a little bit differently and I think I'd already been starting (5:35) to see this but this was just like this confirmation of what I had been noticing where I was like we're (5:41) all just trapped in this cycle of healing developing ourselves trying to become the (5:47) highest version of ourselves to the point that we've actually just stopped living freely like (5:53) what is the point of healing if you don't really know how to live at the end of it and I am someone (6:00) that you know is quite regimented in my wellness I wake up every day I have my matcha my meditation (6:05) time I love to be in bed at 9 p.m curled up with my book like I don't love it when I'm out really (6:11) late and it messes up my sleep pattern or like I eat foods that you know aren't great for my body (6:17) or I do things that really dysregulate my nervous system but what I've noticed is that in the (6:24) process of that my life has massively shrunk like I say no to so much I'm so intent on staying (6:33) regulated that sometimes I say no to things that are really gonna serve me but cause me to be (6:39) dysregulated in the process like my friend like when I experience things in life and have a very (6:44) natural human response to them my default is to kind of overanalyze and see what I could (6:50) have done differently and where I've not fully healed and like none of this feels particularly (6:56) freeing it feels like I went on this healing self-development journey to like free myself (7:02) from the conditioning the patterns the limiting beliefs but like free word being key there I now (7:10) in a weird way feel like I'm in a tighter cage than I ever was before and of course that's not (7:15) the full picture because this journey has been incredible I know myself so well I know my energy (7:22) I know my intuition I've rewired so many patterns and the way that I think about things now is just (7:28) incredible and I just love myself more than I have ever been able to before and I'm so grateful for (7:35) this journey because of that but I do also think there's this point where you're like when is (7:40) enough enough and when do I actually just let myself live and when I was speaking about this (7:47) with my friend and we were saying do you know what like we actually do have to get to the point where (7:52) we stop psychoanalysing everything we're like okay that is what it is I reacted how I reacted of (7:58) course I can have a bit of self-enquiry I can be curious about things but I'm not this project (8:04) to fix and I speak about this in the sense of like I feel like the self-development wellness (8:11) healing space has targeted burnout overachievers and just given them something else to overachieve (8:19) in and this has really been true for me I was the person that was just like top of the class and (8:26) always stayed late at work and said yes to everything and was always trying to prove myself (8:31) and just overachieve in anything that I did and I then took to self-development because I was so (8:40) burnt out from that as this way of rewiring the parts of me that were driven by that and of course (8:46) in many ways I've done exactly that I've started my own business I've moved to the coast and I live (8:52) a slow life like I don't do things for validation or to prove myself to an extent of course we all (8:57) do in some ways and that's a whole other point in itself but actually the element of always then (9:05) needing to fix myself and go deeper into this self-development and understand has just been (9:12) this other platform for the overachieving element of me to really thrive and Lisbon was this beautiful (9:20) catalyst of you know you just sometimes you just got to live and you've just got to do reckless (9:23) things and dance on tables and kiss round of Italian men and drink way too much tequila (9:28) and of course you don't want to be doing that from a self-destructive place (9:33) but also sometimes it's just really bloody fun and why not and the reason that I'm speaking about (9:40) this is because what I am noticing with a lot of my clients is that there is a kind of fatigue (9:47) towards self-development they're noticing it within potential clients of theirs within their spaces (9:53) within their own approaches within themselves where people kind of since the pandemic have (9:58) been on such deep journeys of development that they have almost developed a kind of resistance (10:05) to it and a lot of the messaging that I'm working on with clients is very much just like a calm space (10:12) to escape from that because it is self-development in certain capacities but it's not through this (10:20) lens of you are a project that always needs fixing you are broken and you need healing you need to (10:25) constantly be improving yourself most of the messages that we are creating are like this safe (10:32) space to land where we tell people they're not broken you know actually the result of this is (10:39) to be able to live and not to be in this place of constant self-enquiry and as a result self-doubt (10:46) questioning why you did that if you're healed enough what you should have done differently (10:51) it's breaking free from this cage that the self-development world has largely created (10:58) and a lot of my clients have been feeling some level of ick towards the industry be that like (11:04) coaching facilitating well-being and it's because it has really fed this notion of not enoughness (11:11) and ironically most people entered into this journey to heal that part of them that didn't (11:18) feel enough and it's just actually enhanced it and this is something i've been really realising (11:25) friends have and like i say clients have as well and why this is important to our marketing is (11:31) that people are craving as i said this kind of silencing of that noise they're wanting spaces (11:37) where it doesn't feel so hard that they don't need to feel broken and like there's something to be (11:42) fixed that they don't need to entirely overhaul themselves and become a completely new person (11:50) because i can tell you now i've been in this healing space for well minimum five years but (11:55) way longer than that because i did my yoga teacher training and you know i just wasn't really in the (12:00) depths at that point and i can safely say that most of the things that i set out to quote unquote (12:06) heal are still very much prevalent in my reality yes they might be lessened yes i may have more (12:13) tools to deal with them and yes they may not be as prevalent but they're still very much a part of me (12:20) and when i had parts work therapy it was really this process of owning these parts because (12:27) everything before had been really trying to get rid of them and eliminate them from my existence (12:33) to the point that actually they just became stronger you know it's the same as anything (12:37) what you repress is actually what ends up being really strong and really desperately fighting for (12:44) your attention and so when i give these parts a safe space to land they feel held they feel (12:52) supported and then actually they don't feel as strong and that's essentially what i had done (12:56) for my friend in this car without even meaning to is just say is it actually just not really fair (13:01) that this part of you feels this way and it needs some an energy and loving and that's what we sat (13:06) in the car we did we just you know loved on that part of her and said of course yeah of course you (13:10) feel like this and that's what's been the most transformational part of my journey ironically (13:15) is being able to hold the parts of me that i was trying to get rid of and this is so powerful and (13:21) it's so important within marketing because the self-development world has really been taken over (13:28) with let's call a spade a spade manipulative marketing with the kind that makes people feel (13:35) broken to position the fix and that's what has really kept people in this perpetual cycle of (13:42) self-healing but also stuckness where they never actually really feel like they're getting anywhere (13:49) they've stopped living and then they start to reject the notion of self-development altogether (13:54) and for those of us who have this work that really does create such incredible impact for (14:01) people but doesn't want it to feel like this never-ending treadmill this place where we have (14:06) to position brokenness to sell what we do this place where we're actually trying to erase people's way (14:13) to create an entirely new one that actually have this more softer approach of self-love compassion (14:20) care yes we're creating change but we're not doing it from this place where the starting point is so (14:28) unbearable we're actually doing it from this energy of we can love where we are right now (14:34) we can hold compassion for that we can be safe to be where we are and we can be empowered by (14:42) more subtle change or even just acceptance or space to be held and i think this has been a (14:50) huge shift that we have seen within marketing is people having this desire for these safer spaces (14:57) to land spaces where it does feel like the noise is you know being turned down a little bit where (15:02) we're not made to feel not enough but actually we're stepping into spaces just to feel more (15:09) empowered feel more ourselves yes maybe reach the goals that we're trying to reach but not (15:14) in a way where we have to become someone entirely new to do it and this is a huge theme of my work (15:22) of my own reality and i really felt called to share on that because i think so many of us (15:28) have work that is really deeply in accordance with that energy of people feeling enough and (15:33) feeling empowered and feeling capable and actually being able to live full lives and (15:40) honour their whole self in the process of doing so but we're trying to squeeze that into marketing (15:46) that very much feels the opposite and i say we because i felt it too but like feels like it (15:51) doesn't quite do the depth the nuance the softness of our work the justice that it really deserves (15:59) and of course if you've been in any of my spaces you know that that's really what my work attempts (16:03) to do is to close the gap on that that same energy that we infuse in our spaces that safety for (16:09) people to be where they are the acceptance of all of them that moving to the place that they desire (16:15) in a way that's really sustainable and doesn't require them to totally sacrifice self in the (16:21) process of doing so and that's the energy we want to be infusing within marketing so if you want to (16:28) chat more about how to do that or share your own experiences of doing that or just anything that's (16:33) come up for you in this episode as always i'll leave the free 30-minute call link below feel (16:39) free to book in a call with me check back if there's no spaces because i do open them up as (16:44) and when i have them but they go very quickly and thank you so much for that if you have booked in (16:49) to work with me or supported anything that i do or even just slide in my dms to speak to me about (16:54) any of the marketing of mine that you've consumed i'm so grateful and i always love to hear from you (16:59) so thank you so much for listening to this episode and i'm really looking forward to hearing your (17:03) response to it thank you so much for listening to this episode i really hope that it was helpful for (17:11) you and if it has made you want to find out more of the ways you can work with me all of the (17:18) about one-to-one my resources my programmes are all listed below in the show notes (17:25) if you found this helpful i would really appreciate if you could take a moment just to (17:31) write a review this helps other creators just like yourselves find this podcast and have an (17:38) even greater impact from their services i would really really love to hear from you (17:44) please feel free to get in touch with me over on instagram or via email both of which (17:51) again you can find below thank you so much for being here and until next time