S2 Ep11 Why Integrity Can Be Isolating

This episode meets the edges of discomfort for me because, well isolation is uncomfortable, isn't it? Especially when it feels like rejection. Especially when it questions the belonging that feels so integral to us as humans. And it was in that space that this episode arrived for me. 

In this episode, I share openly about:

• the loneliness that can come with choosing integrity
• why living your truth often feels harder before it feels easier
• how being misunderstood is part of aligned business growth
• the void that appears when you stop abandoning yourself
• why the “shiny” marketing you see online is not the benchmark
• how to sit with the discomfort of being different
• and why depth, honesty, and embodiment always bring the most aligned clients in the end

It’s raw. It’s messy. And it’s truthful.

Because real integrity always is.

I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode!

Head over to Instagram and let me know:

www.instagram.com/consciouscreatorco_

Transcript

(0:00) Hi and welcome to The Mirror, the podcast where conscious business owners learn how to practise (0:06) marketing that is conscious, enjoyable and a true mirror of the brilliance of their service. (0:13) This isn't another generic marketing podcast, this is where you learn the deep psychological (0:18) principles that create effective marketing, where you can quiet the noise of the business world and (0:24) tune in to how to do things that are a true reflection of you, where you can learn how to (0:29) finally have the impact you know you are capable and worthy of having. I'm your host Emma, a (0:36) marketing expert of over a decade.I truly love what I do and I'm bursting with knowledge to (0:41) share with you all, so sit back, relax and let's dive in. Hi and welcome back to another episode. (0:50) Today I'm coming to you from quite a vulnerable space and I feel very like raw and tender in this (0:55) experience to the point that I'm like you know what I may not even share this episode but I (1:01) wanted to sit down in front of the mic because after actually having a chat with my mum about it, (1:08) it felt really deeply resonant to marketing and to a lot of what I speak about in this space (1:14) but it also feels quite uncomfortable to share, it feels quite personal and there's always that (1:20) fine line between what do I want to share with the world and what do I not.In human design, (1:26) I'm a six two, so the sixth is the role model and the two is the hermit and I'm constantly having (1:32) this push-pull between I want to share these experiences, I want others to be able to see (1:37) themselves in them and have some insight and also I want to run away to a cabin and never share (1:42) anything ever again. So I'm like what does that middle ground look like? I'm also a Libra so I'm (1:47) like what is the balance of those two look like? So sometimes it is just me pulling out the mic (1:52) and speaking and seeing if I feel called to then go on to share it so that's what I'm going to do (1:57) today. But essentially I have just been into a coffee shop and I'm not going to go into the (2:03) details but essentially what happened is through a brief encounter I realised that I had not been (2:11) invited to a few things by a mutual friend between me and someone else.I feel like I'm (2:19) talking in riddles but I don't want to share too personally. And essentially this person is someone (2:25) who I have a friendship with, absolutely, there is no hard feelings, nothing negative to say (2:32) whatsoever, I just haven't been as close and for me to really be in integrity with myself and what (2:41) aligns for me and my truth, the friendship just hasn't been as strong as a result of that. (2:47) But for others around me that's not been the case.It's still a friendship that feels very (2:53) aligned, authentic and in integrity for them or maybe it doesn't, I don't know, but all I know is (2:59) that for me it doesn't for me. And this is a friendship that I never really gave much thought (3:05) to, I just kind of always engaged with and yeah found some fulfilment in but it didn't really have (3:12) the depth and the support that I really like for my friendships. And I've been on this whole journey (3:19) of like really claiming the truth of who I am and how I relate to people and what really serves me (3:27) to the point that so much has kind of stripped away from that.I often speak about this self (3:32) development journey ends up with so many voids and so many kind of blank spaces in between the (3:39) development because it's kind of like you are letting go of things, you are shedding identities (3:45) and ways of being and quite often that leaves a lot of space that is quite uncomfortable and maybe in (3:52) the past I would look to fill that with, you know, just plans with anyone or like social events and (3:59) various different things whereas as I've come into closer connection to this truth it means that I'm very intentional (4:06) with who I spend time with, what I engage in and what I really put my energy into. Now that's (4:13) obviously amazing and something to really really celebrate but I was triggered in this moment. I was (4:21) kind of walking around Sainsbury's getting my food shop and I was like oh I can feel this, like this (4:26) feels uncomfortable and when I sat in the car afterwards I just kind of connected whilst I was (4:32) in the car and paused for a second I realised that all of these old wounds around feeling left out, (4:38) feeling excluded, not being invited to things just felt really prevalent and of course that feels (4:45) uncomfortable and I ended up calling my mum and I was like mum I'm feeling really triggered, like (4:50) she sat with me on it and she was like of course you feel triggered by that, like that's such a (4:55) normal reaction, both things can be true.You can be really in integrity, not giving energy to certain (5:02) situations which is why you haven't been invited and you can be really proud of yourself for that (5:08) and you can also be triggered by not being invited, like both can coexist there and you know when (5:14) you're like oh that just feels like the biggest sigh of relief and it really ties into everything I say (5:20) about marketing of like we don't need to paint this one picture like I really speak about the (5:25) power of nuance of like two things can be true and they can kind of be a bit messy and contradict (5:31) each other but it led us on to this deeper discussion of how actually when you really are (5:37) in integrity and in your truth it can be quite an isolating experience and I've had many conversations (5:43) with clients about this of like just really feeling misunderstood and I have a whole podcast episode on (5:49) why it's so important to be misunderstood within your marketing but I also feel like there is an (5:56) element of like I don't want to say loneliness because it feels too strong but there is this (6:00) element of isolation from that of like oh I'm no longer fitting in spaces that I used to fit in, (6:09) I'm no longer being invited to the things that I used to be invited to or I'm no longer resonating (6:15) with the amount of clients that I used to resonate with. It can kind of feel a little (6:21) bit like in some ways our world shrinks a little bit. Now the reason I'm kind of saying this in (6:29) regards to marketing is because I have a lot of clients that have sat in front of me and said (6:35) I feel frustrated because the people who perhaps are not fully in integrity (6:42) seem to be getting the opportunities and they seem to be the ones that are attracting people in (6:48) and they're going viral and they're getting booked out and they're really getting seen (6:53) and there of course is an element of frustration with that because when we have really heartfelt (6:58) soul-led impactful work and we're deeply in integrity with what we do when somebody else (7:08) seems to be having more like quote-unquote success from not delivering work like that (7:15) we can feel a little bit like put out by that and it can feel a little bit unfair and unjust (7:20) and like this is honestly I feel like one of my biggest life themes being a Libra is like (7:27) fairness because me and my mum and my brother we're all Libras and we all really struggle (7:33) with when things don't feel fair like it feels so unjust so you naturally you can imagine making (7:38) decisions in our household is impossible because we're constantly weighing up what's fair and my (7:44) dad's always just like shall we just pick one like who really cares and we're like we do we deeply (7:49) care and so like this pull for fairness has been such a huge theme of my life and I think that (7:56) there's this assumption that if we are just in integrity everyone will be attracted to that (8:01) everything will work success will come and quite often it doesn't feel like that it kind of feels (8:09) more void like in the sense of we aren't just peddling the narratives that are the shiniest (8:16) that sell most easily again I have a whole episode on this we are really rooting into integrity which (8:22) often means that a lot of people don't understand us people don't tend to see our work as clearly (8:28) straight away and there can kind of be this uncomfortable void like energy within that (8:35) and it made me realise that you know a lot of the friends who I have spoken to about this (8:40) situation have felt very similar things to me they just continue to choose it anyway and suddenly I (8:47) had like this weird moment of like okay so I'm gonna be sat in by myself on Saturday (8:51) when everybody else is going to this and it's weird because that almost feels like the win (8:58) like in the same way that somebody getting all these bookings into their work does it feels like (9:04) the wind to be there when actually the real win for me is having a solo evening in on Saturday (9:10) night cooking myself a nice dinner watching my favourite programme knowing that even though that (9:16) feels quite isolating it's really in integrity and it's the same within our work knowing that (9:21) people won't get it in the same way as if we sell something surface level and shiny (9:27) but we are deeply in integrity and the people who do find us really align and really resonate (9:34) and the same for me the people who are in my friendship circle are the most phenomenal (9:38) humans in the world like I could not feel more gratitude to have them they really understand (9:44) me they really get me they really support me and it's that same like kind of tandem with the work (9:49) of like if we want to be calling in deeply aligned clients who we can genuinely have impact for (9:56) choosing that path of integrity sometimes is difficult to sit in it can be a bit of an (10:05) isolating experience it can be filled with this doubt of like okay well others aren't doing it (10:09) like this or the people that just used to instantly get what I do or they get what others do don't (10:16) fully land with what I'm doing and that's really why the whole concept of what I talk about in (10:22) is rooted in creating change for people it's creating this space where perhaps people can (10:30) see where they're out of integrity within their own lives or where things aren't fully aligning (10:34) for them or the approaches that they've been buying into don't fully align it's kind of (10:40) creating these light bulb moments for people so that they can be more in their own integrity (10:48) and by us being in that first that's how we not only attract clients who are realigned (10:56) but help create their own transformation in regards to integrity it's so deeply about (11:02) embodiment and I always can feel this energy of the most impactful people who come into my spaces (11:08) are the ones that embody what they do most deeply and that doesn't mean to say that they don't get (11:15) triggered by things they don't get pulled off centre they don't struggle in some capacity (11:19) but it means that they come back to honouring themselves they come back to really the truth (11:26) of what they're here to do and move and they sit with the discomfort that comes with that because (11:33) it is so uncomfortable like if I think about me before like I was such a chameleon I just used to (11:38) do whatever was required of me to fit in I really didn't want to be left out so I would do anything (11:44) to avoid that and sometimes I would stay engaging in friendships that didn't really fulfil me and (11:50) align with me just to I don't even know have the validation have the company feel included (11:58) and that was easier in so many ways because yeah I was invited to stuff I'd be on the guest lists (12:05) I'd feel included and a part of things and in so many ways it feels easier to not be like that (12:13) because really being in our truth and in integrity should technically be the path of least resistance (12:20) it should be what comes most naturally to us but of course there is so much conditioning (12:27) that tells us that it's not and that actually it can end up being really uncomfortable and that's (12:32) where I have to kind of speak to myself and say you know this discomfort is a price to pay for (12:38) you being in your truth and you being in integrity and really honouring yourself (12:43) and I think it's the same within business I've definitely been experiencing the same (12:47) thing within my work of like yeah less people get it less people are attracted to the shiny sell (12:56) less people like see the narratives that you're sharing everywhere else there's less familiarity (13:03) to it I've spoken before about how a lot of marketing professionals that I speak to like (13:08) they don't understand what I do and they tell me ways to make it clearer and they like try and morph (13:12) it and change it and it doesn't align for me and I think again it's the price to pay because the (13:20) dms that I get the messages that I get of such deep resonance where people are so glad that I'm (13:25) not sharing the common narratives and they feel like they finally found a place to land and their (13:30) own integrity is given this safety to really express through me doing that within my work (13:37) that makes it all worth it of course there's so much discomfort to doing that it's so much easier (13:42) just to share what everyone else is sharing what's going to sell the most easy but there's just such (13:47) a dissonance behind that that actually it's not easier it's so much harder and I just wanted to (13:55) really share on the dualities of this because like I say I think we have these perfectly (13:59) polished pictures of like share from your truth and everything will align like it's just doesn't (14:06) always work like that like there's so much messiness in the middle of that and whilst for (14:12) me now I feel like being in such a deep place of integrity and truth with my work is attracting (14:16) the most beautiful souls into my business like I'm completely booked out for the foreseeable and (14:21) I'm so grateful for that it's not to say that it doesn't come with discomfort and triggers and (14:29) isolation like a lot of my time is just spent alone in my house like behind my mic or writing (14:35) because yeah like I feel like a lot of people don't get what I'm doing and there is definite (14:43) loneliness to that in a way like there is this isolation of being so in your truth that it doesn't (14:49) land for everyone anymore and it might require you to go through some periods of perhaps being (14:54) misunderstood as you shift audiences and as people start to appreciate your approach I know that now (15:01) a lot of people are messaging me about it but there was a few months of tumbleweed there where (15:05) people were kind of like what what are you doing like you've always been the strategic marketing (15:10) girl with like a dose of all this other stuff added in and now it's kind of flipped the script and (15:16) there's been this adjustment period of yeah kind of feels a bit like a void in between and I really (15:21) want to create space for that because that for me has been the reality and I know for many of the (15:26) people that sit in front of me it has been as well and I just always want to be that space where (15:32) it's not just like clear a to b that's it done like the journey is squiggly and it can feel (15:38) triggering and it can feel uncomfortable so yeah very much sharing from that place of truth within (15:43) my own experience at the moment which does feel vulnerable but I also trust that whenever I'm in (15:49) front of the mic and expressing on these things it is because someone needs to hear it and yeah maybe (15:54) it will inspire someone else's integrity or just create that safe space to land within the process (16:00) of really owning that integrity so yeah thank you so much for being here for my musings as always (16:05) if this landed for you or even didn't land for you I would love to hear from you I'd love to hear (16:10) your own kind of experience with this and if it's prompted you to think of anything my dms are always (16:15) open and as always you can book a free call with me I'll leave the link in the show notes double (16:21) check to see if the spaces and if not refresh because I do update them as and when I have them (16:26) available thank you so much for listening to this episode I really hope that it was helpful for you (16:33) and if it has made you want to find out more of the ways you can work with me all of the (16:38) information about one-to-one my resources my programmes are all listed below in the show notes (16:46) if you found this helpful I would really appreciate if you could take a moment just to (16:52) write a review this helps other creators just like yourselves find this podcast and have an even (17:00) greater impact from their services I would really really love to hear from you please feel free to (17:07) get in touch with me over on instagram or via email both of which again you can find below (17:14) thank you so much for being here and until next time