From Stuck to Unstoppable: A Guide for the Lost

In this powerful episode, we dive into an inspiring journey of personal transformation.

From struggling with a “nice guy” persona that held him back in relationships to navigating the heartbreak of a life-altering breakup at 30, the story unfolds through pain, self-discovery, and ultimate empowerment.

Faced with depression and self-doubt, the turning point came when he embraced unconventional healing practices like Reiki and hypnotherapy, sparking profound growth. As he ventured into laughter yoga, men’s work, and spiritual exploration, he discovered the importance of leaning into discomfort and facing deep-rooted emotional wounds.

The episode reveals how these transformative experiences—especially through the Mankind Project—led to a bold new chapter in life, where fear was conquered, and self-awareness flourished.

It’s a raw, authentic conversation about shedding old identities and embracing true personal power, offering listeners the courage to break free from limiting beliefs and step into their own transformational journey.

Spencer West (Host)

Spencer is a Transformational Life Coach who works with Lawyers and Execs on avoiding burnout and gives clients a new lease of life.
Working with cutting-edge Biohacking techniques He helps clients to:
- Get more energy naturally
- Massively Boost their productivity
- Look and feel 10 years younger
If you want to get in touch with Spencer on anything coaching related please go to
www.llev8.uk

Transcript

0:00

In today's episode. I talk about my own personal transformation and a tools I've gained over this time. I talk about connecting with the king energy. Which represents leadership responsibility and integrity. And I shed the light. On my relationship values and take a deep dive into sexuality. Welcome to Man Questifying Meaning, where we help men navigate modern life, find their true purpose, and redefine manhood. I'm your host, James, and each week, inspiring guests share their journeys of overcoming fear Embracing vulnerability and finding success. From experts to everyday heroes. Get practical advice and powerful insights. Struggling with career, relationships or personal growth? We've got you covered. Join us on Man Quest to Find Meaning. Now, let's dive in.

Spencer: 1:03

Welcome to my podcast, Transformational Conversations. And this week I'm here with James Ainsworth. James is a fellow podcaster, speaker, firefighter and farmer. He's very passionate about personal and spiritual development and has been on an absolutely wild transformation. So tell me about your wild transformation. James, let's go straight in.

James: 1:30

Let's start right at the beginning, more or less, so I was born on a farm, so I had all the great fun of being on the farm and playing with animals. That probably sounds quite wrong, really, but having adventures, that kind of thing.

1:46

Yeah.

James: 1:46

But, at the same time, I realized later on before it even happened that I was one of those really nice guys. And it was something which impacted my life in quite a big way. And my first major relationship was later on in life and at the age of 30. And during this relationship, I didn't realize at the time I went through this relationship as miss and Mr. Nice guy. I would allow her to treat me wrongly. I would hate to get into an argument, which then if it turned the other way, I would feel this anxiety, this fear and but I would never have the courage to really stand up for myself. And after about nine months, luckily for me, because this was the beginning of my transformation. So really, the relationship was a blessing, especially the end of the relationship and the breakup. Even at the time when you have a breakup, it's not a blessing and you're always in that kind of, that grieving, that kind of hard place to be. But the relationship led me into a mild depression. I was at my lowest and I had this kind of fear, I had anxiety, I had depression. I was working on my dad's farm full time, which I didn't really enjoy, which I'm still doing two days a week at the moment, but it changed, it's changing. And so I was lost. I didn't really have a purpose. I didn't really have any direction. But it was within this six months that I decided to have a psychic reading. And the one clear thing that I remember from that psychic reading was that I could do what she was doing. So that's what got me intrigued, and that's where I was led on to Reiki. And I kept seeing Reiki this, Reiki that, and all these different things, and I decided to, Okay. I'm in this place where I'm in depression, I've got anxiety, I've got all this w wounds, this, all these kind of things happening to me which I didn't know about, and I needed an answer. So I went for some Reiki healing, and it felt good after the first session. So I went for another, and another, and each time I was getting a little bit better. And that kind of led me to the idea that maybe I can do this. But with regards to my intention, with regards to all my healing, and regards to all my change, the idea was, in my own head, was to work towards building confidence and more self esteem in myself so that I could get back with my ex. Little did I know that, as I went along the line, that it's not about getting back with your ex, it's about getting back to yourself. And so I did Level 1, did Level 2, I haven't done a Master's, but I did 1 and 2, and it just opened me up. Literally this opened me up and this is just the first two years of my life first to go Sorry first two years of my transformation. Not my life.

Spencer: 5:25

Yeah the first years of your true life of your real life your awakened life. Yeah

James: 5:31

It's shedding all the old layers kind of thing and I did lots of different modalities and different techniques. I did Psyche, which is all about changing your subconscious beliefs. I did hypnotherapy and all these different things. And I suppose as you go along life, you tend to find what you need at the time. And then you move on. So it's I found Reiki. Or the ice, a Reiki found me, shall I say.

6:00

Yeah.

James: 6:01

And I did Reiki, and then I've moved on. But, I feel as though it's, along the journey, you find what you need. I never feel there's one thing fits all. I feel there's many different things are needed to heal our wounds, to heal, and to take the layers off.

Spencer: 6:22

Totally, and sometimes I feel like it's about the, to take teacher or the mentor or the person you're working with as well. Like you saying you went to, uh, psych K and Reiki was the first thing I did. I've done psych K as well. Like our journeys, it, the similarities in our journeys are like unreal with, we've spoken about some of this stuff before, but going back a little bit to how they started with you and your ex. I think sometimes when we feel such a deep connection to a person in a connected and romantic way, like you said, it was the first time you'd felt that way about a woman. I had exactly the same. That was what led me to to start finding out more about myself as well. I was with a woman. When she was deeply traumatized and she tried to inflict physical and emotional pain on me as well. And at the time I was doing this similar thing to you, probably being the nice guy, trying to pacify, putting up with a lot, allowing it when it wasn't until something a bit more serious happened that we ended up splitting up. And that was, I was like, wow, I felt such intensity in this relationship. How can I feel that again? Not necessarily with her. We did get back together briefly, but I'm really interested in I like the way you talk about how the universe was talking to you as well through seeing Reiki everywhere. And many people talk about numerology and seeing signs like 1111, 2222 and things like that. One of my friends is, he just keeps seeing 444 everywhere. Number plates, like phone numbers clocks, everything. He actually gets up at 4, 4, 444 every morning just because that's, that, that's where his that's where his numbers are at the moment. So, going back to your journey what happened after you started experiencing all this like extra life affirming transformational experiences?

James: 8:26

So just to clarify today when I was coming back with a client, there's a lorry with five digits, a phone number, and then it was four, four, four, four, four, four. I was like, Christ, I'm like, come on. Yeah, but I see numerology everywhere. I see quite often most days I'm 11, 11. I'll see 14, 44. Yeah, I'm exactly the same. There you go.

Spencer: 8:52

Yeah, I got on a train today and I just had a meeting with someone this morning, like a meeting with someone from the tantric community and got on a train and the train was 1111. It was the 1111 train. I was like, okay, I'm in the right place at the right time doing the right things. Everything's in alignment.

James: 9:08

Yeah. Yeah, River God's my transformation. After that, it was actually just to clarify to everybody. The one thing that I always had help. I always had a teacher or somebody who was there to give me a little bit of guidance. And just to clarify this a little bit more, sometimes we feel we need to do all this stuff alone, but we don't. The strongest thing that we can have is by having somebody there who can help us along our journey. It hasn't got to be a coach, because you might not have the money for a coach. But if you've got a friend or a family member who can help you along these lines of what you're going through, having somebody there to tell you your blind spots, as they call them, can help you to see what's going on. Because sometimes you get so narrow focused, we can't see everything from that way all around us. So rarely

Spencer: 10:12

looking that way. What I say is people who have been there and done the thing that you are. Have they gone through a difficult, traumatic relationship? Break up? Have they, done Reiki? Have they done kinesiology or coaching or whatever it is that thing that you're looking for? Have they achieved that goal? Therefore, they're able to give you the insights, the experience, the journey, and like you said, blind spots and anything else that you might not necessarily be able to see yet or be aware of yet.

James: 10:43

Thank God. It's also So along my journey, I always think to myself, how can I make my journey more interesting rather than splurting out everything I've done? So when I got to a certain point, two or three years down the line, I was starting to realize that no, actually, I'm going to drop back a little bit. So one of my biggest fears was public speaking. That was always one of my biggest fears. And so quite soon after the breakup. So probably a year after the breakup, I decided to join Toastmasters with the idea of breaking that fear. And I assume you've done the same as well.

Spencer: 11:24

I have been to a couple of classes. Yes. I haven't done the whole journey. But the class that I went to was absolutely phenomenal. The way they give feedback in those classes is amazing. And no wonder it's such an incredible transformation process. It's something I do want to go back to at some point. And learn the, almost learn the storytelling process, because that's what they're teaching, or in a way, understand the format and the structure and the curriculum. Yeah. There's a lot of similarity with what we've done. That's incredible.

James: 11:59

We might as well just be a mirror. We might as well just be a mirror, shall we? With the Toastmasters, I after about five or six times, I started to realize I actually enjoy doing it. And so that was one of my ways in to starting to do public speaking. So I've done Public speaking as well. Speaking in front of schools, speaking in front of audiences. And, actually, I'll just quickly bring this one story to do with speaking. A couple of years ago, I went to the Professional Speaking Association. And they had a conference. And I was entering this competition. And you had to do like a five minute speech. And the idea here was that you were competing against Probably another 10 people in front of about 100 professional speakers. So it was quite a big thing. And I got onto the stage on my, when it was my turn. And the five minute speech that I had, I completely forgot. I completely froze. And then I got the first sentence, and then I froze again. And I was like, shit, this is a, I've got two, two options here. Now I either run off the stage in my tail between my legs, or I just wing it. Not wing it. I just trust myself and allow myself to speak from the heart. And that's what I did. And I must admit, I think I said three or four swear words throughout the five minutes. But I was the only one out of the whole everybody who got a standing ovation. I didn't get through to the finals, but I got a standing ovation.

Spencer: 13:52

That's incredible.

James: 13:53

So that was indeed that the lesson there for me was that it's not about having a set speech. It's about trusting yourself to know that when the time comes, you will know what to say. And this goes for relationships. It goes for work. It goes for any any time in our life. It's trusting ourself.

Spencer: 14:17

I hear you man, totally. I had a recent discussion with someone which was ending a professional relationship with someone that I've worked with for the past four or five years. And it was one of the most difficult and challenging things I've done in a long time. And like you, I didn't prepare. I just went into the conversation just to see what, the other person said and how it flowed. And it was a little bit uncomfortable at times, but I was speaking from the heart and we worked through that. We worked through that experience and both came to an amicable situation. So yeah, like exactly the same as what you said, speaking from the heart just is so much more authentic. Then having a pre prepared speech of what you want to say, how it flows, what, it just comes across. It can come across as quite mechanical sometimes, can't it? And people can see through that straight away. I feel

James: 15:13

Yeah. But it's obviously there's an ounce of preparation. You need to go in and when you do a talk, you have to do some preparation for that and have an idea what you're going to talk about. But it's about trusting when it comes to the bulk of the talk or whatever it is, it's trusting that you know your content and you can deliver. So back to the transformation, it was. So after starting to do Toastmasters, I was then looking at how I can start to really incorporate speaking into my everyday. And I was looking at festivals I can do workshops. And so the first festival, which was the Sun and Moon Festival, which I've done for five years, I've stopped now, but I did it for five years, was, at this festival, there was this thing called Laughter Yoga. And Laughter Yoga blew me away. First session, I couldn't, I had a smile, after the session, I had this smile on my face. And this led me on to the idea that I could do this myself. So again, I did it after yoga and I taught laughter yoga for many years back in 2018. I started my own business with PT with nutrition. The laughter yoga came later on. There was an idea of then moving on. I think it was two or three years ago. I started men's work. So I had my fist. Kind of idea of the mankind project is called, and it's called a warrior weekend. And then the warrior weekend, you're basically you turn up and you don't know what's going on. I can't say too much, but it's a very eye opening weekend. It's very transformative. It's the idea of sometimes being in discomfort. You're more likely to bring up your own emotions. So it's about bringing your whole self to the occasion and being able to embrace the whole self. Exactly. And yeah, it's just led on from the Mankind Project to the Unmasked Man to lots of different things. But the other day I was working with my coach and I was just scanning myself. I'm very intuitive, so I can, when it comes to connecting to myself on a deep level, I find after doing it for eight years, it's quite easy now. And this idea that, when I first came out of my breakup, I felt very heavy, very overloaded. I had a lot of limiting beliefs, a lot of, Baggage, a lot of resistance to different things. And then just the other day I was scanning my body with my coach and I've cleared almost 99 percent of all that stuff. over the last eight years and there's a few little things left. Most of them are to do with relationships. That's one area of my life I seem to be getting shadows at the moment, the relationships. But it's this idea that when you do the work, whether it's personal and spiritual development, you clear stuff dead easy because when you do the work,

18:44

You

James: 18:45

are able to go in deeper to who you really are and I've noticed recently a lot of people using the word spiritual. Now, when it comes to spiritual, I see it more as getting to the core of who we really are, getting to our true essence

19:06

and

James: 19:08

I'm in this group called spiritual dating and there's a lot of people saying this person isn't spiritual. And I'm like, I'm not commenting in any way, because I don't really want to get involved, but it's more the idea that, how do, how can we judge people on whether they're spiritual or not, if we don't even know them? And we're just going on base value, kind of thing. But it's the idea that, John, you can jump in.

Spencer: 19:36

I think sometimes people will see things that other people aren't doing, that they've done, which are, which they refer to as spiritual, or, self develop personal development or self, self evolution or whatever you want to call it well because they haven't done that. They're not spiritual. Whereas most whereas true. Spiritual development, I would say spiritual development, which is personal development, evolution is being open enough to see things in yourself that you're willing to change or be able to notice that you might be able to change. So being open enough to say actually, yeah, maybe I'm wrong on that. Maybe I'm right on that. Maybe I do need to change on this belief system, this personality trait, something about my identity that's, causing friction in relationships or stuff like that. I think once you get down to the nuts and bolts, like you said, you've done 99 percent of the shadow clearance or, clearing the heaviness out of your system after your last relationships. When you start to get down to the. The stuff that was imprinted at a very early age by our parents without us being, sometimes that can be pre verbal. Sometimes that can be past life stuff that we bring into this world tied into our DNA, tied into our psyche, tied into our spirituality or our mindset. Sometimes we need to delve into that as well and start to understand why we exist. Why we behave in a certain way, why we react in a certain way, why we experience, we keep re experiencing things. It's like the universe keeps sending us messages until we start to listen. Yeah, I really hear you on the personal transformation and stuff. And people pointing a finger at what's not spiritual and what is spiritual. What would you define spirituality as?

James: 21:25

For me, spirituality comes to coming back to our true essence. It's allowing ourselves to take away. The faces that we carry. It's about coming back to queen, back to center, queen, back to our heart, discovering who we really are and allowing ourselves to take that out into the real world. So being able to go into different experiences and discovering our shadows, because every experience quite often brings our shadow or so Just to clarify the shadow is the part of us that we deny or we push away and then there's a golden shadow Which is a part of us which might be the bright parts of us Which we try to push which we as a child we might get told you're too confident And so you hide that away So there's the shadow and the golden shadow.

Spencer: 22:28

I love that. I love that. I've not heard that before like the golden shadow Yeah, That's powerful. I love that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna start using that word. That's golden, that is. I love that. And funnily enough how coincidental that I've just literally yesterday received because I've been having singing lessons for five years and yesterday I received my version of Golden by Harry Styles. So nice timing, the timing of our conversation and that conversation, golden shadow. I love it. So

James: 23:04

you see it perfectly with screaming girls with regards to pop stars. I almost feel sometimes when you see screaming girls screaming at their stars, they're almost given the power wakes to see them as brilliant, but they're not accepting that brilliance

Spencer: 23:19

himself. Thing is like the similar conversation I was having this morning. So many people are looking outside of themselves, grasping outside of themselves for something to, latch on to, to give them a sense of, happiness, fulfillment, joy, security safety, whatever it is, rather than looking inside and going inside for that inner sense of security, safety, contentment, joy, and, fulfillment. Satisfaction, whatever that may be. We can literally, we can provide ourselves everything that we need. Sometimes when we're small children, when we're babies, we do need to be looked after. But after we get to a certain age and maturity, we need to develop the skills or it's best for us to develop the skills to be able to self soothe, self appreciate self love, okay. Because the more we love ourselves, the more we're able to love other people. We can't love anybody else other any more than we love ourselves. Once we start to work on ourselves, and, like you said, peel all the layers back, find out what's underneath, find out what I like, what I authentically like, does this work? Does this feel good to me? Does this not feel good to me? Some of the stuff you were talking about going to festivals and listening to certain kinds of music and trialing out different practices like Reiki and Bowen and Psyche K and things like that, trying out all these different things and seeing what feels good to us, what works and what brings out our innermost divine. Aspects of authenticity so that we can live a more divine life. I find the way I describe things is the more authentic we become, the more we peel the layers back, peeling the onion, as some people call it, taking the layers away of all of these masks that we put on to please other people, to receive love from other people, to be accepted by other people in society and our family and our schools, what we see in the media as well, as soon as we start to peel all these layers back, we start to, truly discover who we are underneath all of that, and what we enjoy doing, what brings us joy. Satisfaction what really lights us up, so like where you are at the moment what's, what is really lighting you up at the moment?

James: 25:42

You're gonna laugh at this one because you already know. A static dance. Not static dance, a static dance.

Spencer: 25:53

It's like when the music's just staying still.

James: 25:56

Yeah. Again, dance used to terrify me, and to do dance sober, I was like, Oh my God. And it's, it was actually for quite soon after a breakup that I was New Year's Eve, November, December 2022. And I was after somewhere I can go and enjoy myself, but also push my boundaries. And I went to a dance in Nottingham. And ever since then, I've been going most weeks, fortnightly, and I've done a few festivals, a few retreats and yeah, it's just what I've realized is the more that I do it, the more that I free flow. It's incredible. A couple of weeks ago, I did a dance retreat. And for the five days, I was just flowing. I love

Spencer: 26:52

that. I'm a big fan of ecstatic dance as well. We've spoken about this briefly before, but The sense of freedom that you get from just dancing because no one's judging you. No one's looking, everybody's doing the most crazy stuff that you can imagine. The first one I ever went to, I walked into the room and I was a little bit like, I love dancing. I used to love dancing when I was out drinking alcohol. And and when I gave up alcohol, I did do a little bit of dancing sober, but not so much, there was normally some sort of drugs involved. It wasn't a totally sober experience. So when I first went to my first ecstatic dance, there was somebody lying on the floor, wearing ballet ballet clothes and outfits. And he, the guy just lied there for the first, 15, 20 minutes, just like very slowly moving around. I was like this is interesting. I've never been to anything like this before. And as I started to just As I started to warm myself up and just close my eyes and just not care about what anybody else thought, I started to get into the music and just like free flow and it is the most freeing experience to be able to do that in front of a room full of people, all doing the same thing. It's so liberating to do that stone cold sober. Absolutely, it's one of my favourite things to do as well. I would actually love to come along to the Nottingham one with you at some point. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be good to, I've not been to that one, so it'd be good to come up and try different ecstatic dance, different DJs, styles of music, and all that sort of stuff, so yeah, man.

James: 28:25

But the one, actually, the one I just did on Sunday, I went in, it was fancy dress, so I dressed in a pink tutu, and I had a wizard's hat on. I don't know. But the idea here was that when I was dancing, I felt very, so sometimes when you dance, there's an idea of trying to connect to people. But the more that I tried to connect to people, the more disconnected I felt. And so the lesson there for me was to be able to connect to myself first. Because when I connect to myself, it's easy to connect with people around you. Because I'm a, I'm an introvert. I am an introvert. I like, I can be extrovert if I want to be, but it's more the idea that if I'm around people for too long, I get drained. And especially if I'm around people who I'm not in alignment with, I get very drained very easy. So I have to take myself away to ground to get into nature, to talk things through. And so I had this with the dance retreat I went to not long ago, was the realization that there's times when I'm able to give myself to people and there's times when I need to take a step back

Spencer: 29:50

and to ground. It's so important to know where you're energy levels are internally without burning yourself out or giving too much or receiving too much as well. Sometimes I'm very similar to you. I am probably on, on the scale of introvert, I'm not totally extroverted. So most of my energy comes from, spending time on my own, being alone. But I also have found over the past. Six or seven months on. I need more time with people. So I've been making more time to meet up with friends and go out and enjoy social activities more often than I was before, because that's just where I am on my journey at the moment and becoming aware of that has been a really important part of my develop my personal development as well.

James: 30:41

Yeah, just as quickly. For me it's connecting with people who are in alignment with where I am, that fill me up massively. I've noticed over the years that friends and family, friends should I say, have dropped away. And I feel as though that's because I'm, I feel as though I've leveled up. And it's finding your tribe, people who align with you.

Spencer: 31:10

Exactly. People who you can have the conversations with, that we're having now, and them not look at you and, say, Oh, I would never do that, or that's not something I enjoy, or that sounds really shit, or, something, I'm not saying their words are draining, it's just, to be on the same frequency and have the same level of interest, and conversation about the same subjects. Can be quite important sometimes.

31:37

Yeah.

Spencer: 31:37

And that's not to say you have to ditch all your family and all your friends. You just have to be aware of how much time you're spending with them. And, what your conversations are like and, where you go and what you do and things like that. There's no point in going to, for me now, there's no point in going to a pub with someone. I don't drink alcohol. I've got no interest in being in that kind of environment anymore. It doesn't light me up. So meeting up with a friend and going to a pub is a very You know very unusual experience for me now. It's been such a long time. Do you do you drink alcohol? Do you, are you stone cold sober now?

James: 32:12

I'm not stone cold sober, but what I've come to realize, especially with dancing sober, is that I feel less inclined towards alcohol drugs, whatever it is. I never did drugs anyway, but I'm less and less inclined to go and do it simply because I know what I'm going to be like next day, and I'd rather not do that. Don't get me wrong, now and again, on a very rare occasion, it's nice to have a beer, but I don't make a habit of it at all. I can go two or three months without having any and not be fussed. It's Every couple of weeks, my friend comes over, I've got myself a sauna. So we have a sauna session, and I used to have drinks with him. The last two or three times, I've said, I'm alright, I'm going to drink water. Yeah, it's

Spencer: 33:02

almost like you, your vibration has changed so much now, that alcohol doesn't vibrate with your system very well. I feel the same. If I was to drink, I had a non alcoholic beer a couple of weeks ago, and I woke up next morning, and I still feel like a I had a bit of a hangover. So I was like there's no point in me really drinking it. I can get away with drinking a tonic water or soda water or something like that if I'm out with friends. Yeah. And I still enjoy myself as much, probably more because I'm sober or remember the conversations. We have good, deep, meaningful conversations and, we ate great food as well. There's no downsides the next day. It is. One

James: 33:43

sorry, One, one thing I've noticed This is something quite fresh and quite raw, But, one thing I've noticed, Recently, Is cause I'm I feel as though, I'm leveling up. There used to be a time when I used to go CrossFit or used to go out and I used to say, Oh, she looks nice, kind of idea. But I feel as though my I'm almost leveling up. And I almost I got to a point where I don't fancy them anymore. And it's this idea that currently it's moment in time with my shadows. What I'm noticing is that there's this idea that certain so women, especially have always been something that I've struggled with. Relationships, women side of things. And I thought this might help any men out there or any women out there as well. It's my kind of help by being a bit vulnerable. There's an idea that what I've noticed is that there's certain people, certain women where I go in to have a conversation with them, but I almost dropped back into my body and I feel as though there's that sense of unworthiness. And this brings up this kind of awkward, embarrassing idea with regards to the interaction.

35:08

So

James: 35:08

just the other day I had this interaction with this girl and I usually get on with her quite fine. But it led to something and she was like sitting me back and I was like, I said, are you okay? And she just looked at me and walked off. And Me being felt quite embarrassed. I felt quite unworthy and this is what some of my triggers. So what I've noticed as you level up, there'll be certain things happen to you, certain triggers. And in the moment, it's quite hard to figure this out in the moment. You see it later on after it's happened most of the time.

35:45

Yeah.

James: 35:45

And it's realization is still part of me, which drops back into my head when it comes to interaction with women. And it's this idea that I feel a little bit unworthy still.

Spencer: 36:00

Totally. And I feel like a lot of, I think probably because the way that women are portrayed in the media a lot of men do have a similar kind of experience with that as well. I know sometimes people can become a little bit more self conscious. I do sometimes when I'm speaking to certain people I've had that with men and women in the past. Sometimes They'll remind me of someone from my childhood or someone from my, from my past and that will drop me into a state where I'm second guessing myself, which sounds very similar to what you're talking about, where I'm like questioning the family. Question in the conversation before it's even said, you're not speaking from the heart. You're speaking from the head. And to become aware of that and hold space for it as well is like the next for me the next phase. I'm totally with you on how sometimes something can like almost blindside you and you notice it as, Oh, this is different. This is a shift. This is a change. This is unusual. But without reacting to it, if we can if we can be non reactive and just witness it so that we're not creating more perpetuity, we're not, going around in a circle with it, then that's how we grow. That's how we hold space for the change so that we witness it, observe it, and then, Don't react to it. Just let it go. So yeah, man, sounds like you're leveling up really really fast at the moment.

James: 37:29

Yeah, I think it's the time. It's the year, the time of the year, everything. Yeah,

Spencer: 37:34

definitely. Definitely. So what's the most out of all of the transformation that you've undergone in the last eight years, what's the most significant or inspirational Change that you've gone through taking you from where you were before, before what happened to you before your big, before the beginning of your transformation to where you are now, what's the most significant thing that's happened to you?

James: 38:01

That's a hard question. That is, that's going to make you think, isn't it? I suppose it's working. With the coach, I reckon the most, it's a difficult one because I feel as though the last seven, what is it? I'm 39 now, so the last eight years had led me to this point until I started to work with this coach. And she's an intuitive coach, so she can, she allows herself to connect with source with what, with whatever she connects to. And, but some of the guidance that I have received. Has been quite transformational. So the perfect example is the podcast. So I've tried to launch podcasts a couple of times in the last couple of years with little success. And the one session he did, the one key thing that she came message that came through was that I should launch a podcast within two weeks. I'd got two episodes gone and it was life because I just, I knew it was right. And I just did it. And what I've come to realize is that there's certain things in our life and certain times where something might be perfect. So like the podcast. The podcast seems to be flowing like there's no tomorrow. I've got, I'm almost, I've got two, three more episodes to do just tomorrow. No, two more tomorrow and next week. And then I'm up to mid February. They're editing everything that seems to flow dead easy. With regards to, I've tried to do coaching, but each time I try to do coaching, I seem to be hitting a brick wall. Now, our mentality, as human beings, is to, okay, or, is to, okay, it's not working, keep hitting it harder, and eventually it's going to break down. But not necessarily because what I've come to realize is that you could keep doing that and keep being in the same place you already are. Whereas if you allow those things that flow, like a podcast, you just flow with it. And so the most transformational time period has been the last probably three or four months where I've been working with this coach because I've suddenly got somebody. Who can assist, and I feel as well, I'm also being assisted by powers bigger than myself.

Spencer: 40:38

Yeah. Yeah, I hear you, man. I think, with regards to the way that the podcast is now flowing for you, and what you were saying with the coaching, where you keep hitting a brick wall, or you keep butting up against something, I'm listening to an amazing book at the moment, called Transurfing Reality, and it talks a lot about blocks and barriers and resistance and a pendulum and it's really interesting. Highly recommend it. But with regards to some of the psych case stuff that you will have done in the past, you'll know that, our life, our energy, our direction, our wealth, our relationships, our everything in our life is guided by our unconscious. And the more in alignment we are with our unconscious desires, our soul's purpose, or our soul's true purpose, the easier things will come and sometimes there's a belief, there's a mindset, there's an attitude, there's a character trait, or something like that is in our way from our past, from our conditioning. Like I was saying earlier from our childhood, teachers, parents, media, that's in our way that stops us. So we come up, we almost come up against this wall, like you were describing, and it's not until we remove that psychological wall, or that belief system, or that idea, that personality trait, that we can then You don't move forwards and start doing the coaching stuff more. Which will be more in alignment with who who you want to become and who you are becoming now.

James: 42:18

Where's the idea that I'm not, it's a brick wall. I'm not saying it's done and dusted and not gonna do it again, but what I feel as though it's more or less at this moment in time, put it aside. We'll call, we can come back to it later on. And so I've come up with this kind of myself, this kind of system where. It works for me anyway, where I will just sink into myself and ask the different, I'll basically ask, I'll see a picture in front of me, like podcast, and then I'll ask myself, is that right? And I see it like an open door, whereas with the coaching, I see a brick wall, and speaking, I see an open, a door slightly open, so that's an opportunity that's coming ahead. But there's moments in time, it's the podcast, and so it's that idea that all these things, if you follow, if you start to follow your passion, and go wholeheartedly in with your passion, quite often that can lead to your purpose.

Spencer: 43:25

Exactly. And I'm sure at some point in the very near future, that wall will start to be dismantled or you'll take a trowel and can go and make a doorway within that wall for you to easily pass through. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. Overall, how would you describe the difference between who you were before all of this personal transformation and who you are now? Like, how has your trajectory in life changed? How has your How is your relationship with self changed? And what are you what are you looking for in your relationships? And that's friendship relationships as well as romantic relationships. Now that's different what you was looking at before.

James: 44:10

So with regards to before and after, I feel so much more lighter. I feel so much more. So I'm not saying that I don't get what I had in the past. Yes, now and again, the old part of me, like the Mr. Nice Guy, might come back in. But now I've got the tools and the awareness to realize that and to change accordingly. With regards to now, I just feel so much more lighter. I feel so much more Me. I'm able to focus on my own thoughts more and focus on where I want to go. So with God's where on a go it's not ego in any way, but I feel as though I've got a big mission, a purpose, and I don't know what it is yet because I feel as though I'm almost being drip fed the steps as I go along now, I might have this idea of a vision that I might want, but I'm not attached to the vision because I want to allow something to something bigger than myself which knows exactly what I need to do and exactly the steps to come in. So my relationship with myself is just, it's blossomed. I am able to connect to myself deeper. I'm able to connect to the kink. Using the male archetypes, the king, the warrior, magician, the lover, just before this session, I allow myself to connect into the king energy. And, so the king energy is the one who runs the kingdom, who is in charge of, is in charge of the warrior, the magician, the lover. He's the person who is He's caring, but at the same time, he's able to take the action steps. He's able to say, yes, he's able to take advice. He's able to, uh, to be the King, to be, have humility, to show and take, do stuff. And it's having that direction that one of the things that I do want to do is to travel. So one of my biggest. Values is freedom. So to be able to go where I want, when I want, which is why I like doing podcasting, which is why when I do coaching and other things, whatever comes my way with regards to the relationships, I'm, I must admit, I'm a personal and spiritual junkie. I just love to do the work and that's never going to change.

47:01

So I

James: 47:01

Want somebody, a partner who wants to do the same.

47:06

Yeah.

James: 47:06

Who wants to grow? Wants to have deep conversations. Who wants to have fun? One of my other values is playfulness to have a play and it's so somebody with some similar values, adventure, fun freedom, love. They're my values wisdom. And it's allowing myself to find somebody who is very similar to myself, who wants the same pla. One of the things I would like is to have my, with my relationship, is to have a partner who has their own stuff, but also I would love to do work, whether it's workshops, whether it's retreats with my partner as well. Yeah.

Spencer: 47:52

When you when you find out, when you find out, can you let me know? And let me know what group of friends she's got. Cause I want to, I want one.

James: 48:03

But it's been in a place of been in a place of allowing, and this is a hard, it's a hard one to, it's a hard one to understand. And, but it's knowing, I know she's there underneath the surface spiritually, she's there, but it hasn't happened physically. And it's the idea that to allow that person to come into my life by just going out and enjoying my life and carrying on and doing my own stuff Exactly.

Spencer: 48:33

Yeah man. I hear you and I'm in exactly the same process as well. I came off of, I was on a couple of different dating apps last year. I finished the relationship that I was in and I've been single since January last year. Just because I've been focusing on business. I've not been interested in dating anyone. I've been concentrating on self which I have done in the past, but it tend, it just seemed like the right thing to do. And I've come to the time now where I feel like it's maybe right for me to meet the right person, but I'm not in any particular rush. I know, like you said, I know she's out there somewhere. And I will meet up with her at some point when the time is right. Man, I know you're going to be a successful coach and podcaster. You said you were doing some PT and hold on. Sorry. You said you were doing some PT work as well, which I'm sure you're going to be super successful at. I'm interested to, we've got a little bit more time. We're getting close to the end now, but. I am super interested because as I am too, about some of the tantric stuff that you've been doing as well. And just to elaborate on that for me similar to what everything that we've discussed so far, like tantric work and work related to tantra is not necessarily what people might think it is, when I speak to some people they think that tantra is just everybody just having a big orgy when in actual fact it's difficult. It's challenging. It's hard work. It pushes your buttons. It brings up stuff in you. Yes, it can be a lot of fun at times, but it also is. One of the most challenging things I've done over the past, 12 years. But also the most amount of growth that I've experienced in the last 12 years as well. So can you tell me a little bit about your journey with Tantra and those kinds of practices as well?

James: 50:30

So I must admit, I am very fresh at Tantra. So I've done a bit of reading books and a few online courses. I've never, haven't been into any Tantra workshops. As of yet. But for me, my journey with regards to starting to explore tantra is that I've never really had a good relationship with sex. And it's the idea that I sometimes we aren't taught how to what sex really is, how to treat from a man's perspective, how to treat women. And I must admit. I'm working through a porn addiction at this moment in time, which has created this stagnated perception of what women, how I see women, should I say, which is why I'm starting to work with Tantra. And it's the idea of seeing, the idea of seeing women as an object rather than as a person and a being. Now, I'm obviously. I realized my ways and so this is why I've started to incorporate tantra into my own life and obviously to work with the divine feminine in quite a big way. But it's more, so the courses I've done is more about allowing, incorporating sensuality into our daily practice. So this was to do, what I did was about touching your body rather than seeing your energy in your penis. Allowing that energy to travel up your body so that you can start to feel sensations. So you can start to build that orgasm in the body rather than as we get taught in the penis.'cause we see sex as pleasure. Whereas I've come to realize that with tantra, you can have pleasure, but it can be within the body and you can have that kind of spiritual spiritual experience. Yeah. Very fresh and very new. So it's very, and I think I must admit, there is a lot of for me when it comes to tantra to do is sex. How I've been brought up. There's a lot of fear for me around that. But, one thing I've been taught is that fear is, I just turned the word fear now into the unknown. So I see that now as the unknown, so it's stepping into the unknown. I

Spencer: 53:16

think most people and most people in the UK will resonate with this. In the UK, sex tends to be a very, something that happens behind closed doors, nobody really talks about it, nobody really talks about the, the spiritual aspect of sex or making love, however you want to term it. I must admit I've been practicing lots of different styles and I suppose practices within Tantra for the past three years. And just to give you I loved how eloquent you were with what you just said as well. It's very helpful for people listening to this. It must have been a year ago now. I disconnected my orgasm from my ejaculation. So now I can have full body orgasms in any part of my body that I want to whenever I want to. I'm still learning. I'm still practicing. I'll probably work with a tantric or tantrica, someone who is able to guide me and using breath work to heighten certain sensations and, I've honed my practice, but for me, this is a lifelong journey and being able to, pleasure myself in a in a spiritual way, it gives me the ability to do that with women as well. And the journey that you can take women on through this particular practice is like nothing that nobody, that very few people will experience in their life. And it's a really powerful experience to go through. It is. Like combining sex and spirituality at the same time. It takes a lot of work and there is, like you said, a lot of, for me, there was a lot of shame wrapped in, being naked around groups of people, or having a shower, or being in a naked sauna, or, I was at a festival last year where the only showers available were in a, er, in a sauna area with a jacuzzi er, For me, I had to go and shower naked in front of a room full of people. First, that was my first experience when arriving at the festival. And I was like this is how it's going to be for the rest of the festival then. So, yeah it's been a process of literally like we were saying earlier, process of unlearning of peeling all these layers back of, what's underneath the shame, what's underneath the fear, as you say, or what's underneath the what's unknown to us at the moment. Yeah I I fully appreciate where you, your journey with Tantra. And all I can say to you is it's an incredible journey and I'm really excited to hear how you get on with that as well. Cause the, there's a lot of fun to be had with it. A lot of exploration, a lot of A lot of joy. There is, challenges like anything else, but it's an incredible process to go through. Have you read the Multiorgasmic Man?

James: 56:10

I haven't, no.

Spencer: 56:12

Oh, the, that book for me was a game changer. There's so many different ways of doing things to help us to become multiorgasmic. I'll put a link in the show notes for it and and get you the book over. But it's an incredible book. And well worth, it's one of those books that you can. Pick up and read a couple of chapters, and then put down again, and pick up and try something else. There's lots of different things in there that you can play around with, that you can practice, that you can try, that you can work with. So it's, yeah, it's an incredible book. We are pretty much at the end of the episode now. I really like the synchronicities and the journey that we've both been on. It's like a mirror. You say one thing, I've done that. I say one, I say something, you've done that. And it's very, in alignment. And I very much look forward to speaking to you again and meeting up as well in the future. Doing some ecstatic dance and, learning more about what you're doing. Exactly. Getting our funk on. Yeah, thank you so much for coming on. I'm really excited to see how your podcasting develops. I've tuned into quite a few of them now and they are really insightful. I love how you're bringing out the best of what people are bringing to the show and showing how people have changed, how they've improved their lives. So yeah, man. Thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate your time today.

James: 57:36

Yeah,

Spencer: 57:37

thank you very much. Awesome. Thank you, James.

James: 57:40

Absolute pleasure. I enjoyed that.