Lost and Disconnected? Reclaim Your Power with Authority, Responsibility, and Accountability | Sam Adams

In this powerful and soul-stirring episode of Man: A Quest to Find Meaning, mentor joins James and guide Sam Adams to explore the deeper journey of modern masculinity. Together, they dive into the transformative idea that our deepest wounds can become our greatest gifts — and how healing those wounds can help us find true purpose, strength, and connection.

This episode unpacks what it really means to be a healthy, grounded man in today’s disconnected world. Sam shares his personal story of growing up in the church, questioning inherited beliefs, and eventually walking a path of healing through nature, spirituality, rites of passage, and reclaiming both masculine and feminine energies.

🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why your childhood wounds may hold the key to your purpose
• How modern men can break free from the “Nice Guy” syndrome
• The sacred role of authority, responsibility, and accountability in becoming a healthy man
• How ancestral healing and taking responsibility for the past help shape a better future
• The importance of embracing both masculine action and feminine surrender
• What it means to "die well" and how symbolic death allows for personal rebirth
• Why connection—with self, others, and nature—is the antidote to modern disconnection
• The powerful impact of men's retreats and rites of passage on identity and growth

This is a must-listen for men feeling lost, disconnected, or unsure of their place in the world. If you’re ready to reclaim your power and live with greater depth, presence, and meaning—this conversation is your next step.

🎧 Listen now and begin your journey from wound to wisdom.

About Sam:

Sam is a leader and guide in the modern men's movement, redefining what it means to be a man, through embracing both masculinity and femininity.

He leads personal development retreats in the UK and offers mentoring and coaching to men internationally. With a background as both corporate project manager and church pastor, Sam has navigated many evolutions and life changes, always finding that our wounds can become our greatest gifts.

Sam grew up in Zimbabwe and South Africa and from those years brings a sharp passion for creating systemic change, addressing the legacy of the colonial mindset and finding ways that we can all be free.

https://www.firstmen.co.uk
https://www.samueladams.co.uk

Transcript

0:00

In today's episode. We talk about the current challenges. Of modern man, including the nice guy syndrome. How balancing actionand surrender can be the key to your growth and change. We talk about the rights of passage. And the purpose of men's retreats. Welcome to Man Questifying Meaning, where we help men navigate modern life, find their true purpose, and redefine manhood. I'm your host, James, and each week, inspiring guests share their journeys of overcoming fear Embracing vulnerability and finding success. From experts to everyday heroes. Get practical advice and powerful insights. Struggling with career, relationships or personal growth? We've got you covered. Join us on Man Quest to Find Meaning. Now, let's dive in.

James: 0:58

I believe our wounds become our greatest gifts. Can you explain a little bit more?

Sam: 1:06

Yeah, I think the context in which we're born and the childhood traumas that we all go through if healed. Can become our greatest strengths, our greatest assets, they can define our calling and the purpose that we are on earth for even to the point where we would not be the best version of ourselves if it was not for those original childhood wounds.

James: 1:39

Yeah, I can I can agree with that a hundred percent. I've interviewed Lawrence johns from the MKP, and he was saying that quite often it's these wounds which give us the purpose, which allow us to discover these deep parts of ourselves, and it's these deep parts of ourselves, these wounds, which we can go out into the world and teach others how to overcome.

Sam: 2:04

Yeah, I think so, and make sure that we're not perpetuating this cycle of trauma, but that we are here to pass on a better world than the one we inherited.

James: 2:15

Yeah, I've got to have this kind of deep conversation, especially internally about the possibility of me having a child and I've never really thought about it. But one thing that I realized from having, from wanting a child is that as a mentor, as a guide, it's the same as having a child. You want your child to be better than you are. And so it's been able to teach whether it's a child, whether it's a client, whatever it is, it's about teaching them how to overcome these deep wounds that we have.

Sam: 2:50

Yeah. And I think there's something primal, instinctively primal in that desire you described there. Because as you'll see, as our conversation continues, the primal, the instinct, the wild internal nature part of ourselves is a big part of me and what I, what makes me tick. So yes, as a father of two children, I get that, that deep rooted primal desire that they would have a better life than I ever had. I've heard my father say something similar. And I believe. That's the attitude that a good parent should and will have.

James: 3:30

Yeah, so it's almost like from my own deep perspective, it's like leaving yourself, leaving a legacy. But then, your child then, taking that legacy to another level, so it's build upon build.

Sam: 3:46

Let's talk about Ancestors, I know we're recording on this week of Halloween, Samhain, which they say is the time of the veil is thin between this world and the world of the dead. So if we're talking about legacy and by the same token, we're looking backwards at our ancestral inheritance. We are the victory cry of a long line of survivors who've got through plagues and war and famine and hardship and migrations and awful things and beautiful things and that mixture of life and survival so that you and I can be here now today. and then projecting that onwards. Yeah. I am my child's ancestor. So let them stand on my shoulders as I stand on the shoulder of my ancestors. Some people call our children, the future ancestors. So yeah let's enjoy this time of the year where we can imagine and dream into those spaces of beyond time.

James: 4:47

It's the conversation that we had before this podcast was done is that we talked about ancestors and how perhaps our ancestors didn't do very nice things. And obviously it's coming. It's big news at this moment in time is that certain people in certain countries want people in United Kingdom to apologize for what happened perhaps a hundred, 200 years ago, but again, it's. It's, I feel as though, from my own perspective here, if I was going to be a bit ephemerable, is that we can't say sorry for what our ancestors did. What we can do is we can take the lessons learnt from our ancestors and incorporate them in today. What are your thoughts on that?

Sam: 5:40

I might disagree with you. You say we can't say sorry for the sins of our ancestors. Why not? And what do we mean by saying sorry? What does sorry actually mean? Because there's different nuance in that word. It's a big word, right? So I grew up in Africa where sorry would be used beautifully. I really liked it. It irked me at first, to be honest. But if I stubbed my toe on my own volition by accident, a complete stranger who witnessed that would say, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you stubbed your toe. Like you have my sympathy, my compassion. You have my acknowledgement of the pain you're going through. So yeah, for the colonists and the slave trading oppressor within my lineage, yeah, I will have compassion on people of color and those enslaved and oppressed by my ancestors. I will certainly use sorry in that way, but I think it goes beyond that. Because a key word in my work with men is responsibility. How do we take responsibility for the actions that those in my line have caused? And me as the fruit of their labors and their survival, a beneficiary certainly as a white man, the white privilege inherent in my skin color and my ethnic origin. Yeah, my sorry goes beyond compassion. It goes to how can I listen? How can I appreciate your side of the story? Because it's not being the primary narrative. So let me first come with my ears. Before I say, sorry, and then let me think, how can I use my embodied privilege to actively say, sorry, actively repent. Repentance means to turn 180 degrees. It's really means rotation. So how can I rotate my decisions and take responsibility by the banking I choose the food lines. I choose the way I participate in the political economy, knowing that my father's forefathers have sinned.

James: 7:48

I can like, okay. Yeah, I can understand that a little bit more now, but it's more, I think it's what's happened in the past. Yes, is the idea of having compassion and showing love towards those who may have suffered. But yeah, as you said, it's then taking the responsibility of our, for ourselves, how can we now create a better world? How can we now really allow us to step forward and really take the bull by the horns and really action. Steps to create more of a connection with the earth, create more of a connection with people from all around the globe, because imagine, imagine a world where there's no boundaries or borders and we're all one, which we all are. But imagine if we were all physically able to get along, how will the world be a different place?

Sam: 8:51

So I hear your emphasis on forward looking. And creating that beautiful vision of oneness, yes I'm with you in that vision and to get there requires certain steps, I believe, and while dwelling on the past might be a place we could get stuck. It shouldn't be ignored. That if I am to make a better world, one of equality and the circle and oneness, we're not all starting from the same point. So there's a missing piece that requires looking backwards to redeem, reconcile, repent, such that we can all start with something that looks a bit more like parity, because at the moment there are different people, different nations, races, creeds, that are not on par, that is not equity. So I need us an invite are the men I work with to look back to take responsibility so that we can get to more of an equal playing field now so that we can then move forward and create the world we dream of.

James: 9:54

Nice. So how did you get to this place? Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Sam: 9:59

Yeah, I was a wounded man. I am a wounded man. So how did I get here? Through leaning into the wounds, not suppressing them with medication, distraction, addictions, avoidance. I'm sure I did all of that to a certain extent, but I really discovered the importance of therapy, of healing, of embracing the shadows, looking inwards. Yeah, I think a big part of my past, James, you might not know this, is I grew up in the church and while much of Christianity speaks of healing and liberation, I think it's stuck in a way, an old system way that is very hierarchical and controlled and rigid. So part of my story was leaving the church and expanding my theology to embrace a bigger picture and more of a. liberated understanding of God, of spirit, of healing, of being human. So yeah, how did I get there? That was a big part of it. I've always been into spirituality and I think it's constantly expanded. I didn't throw the baby out with the bath water when I left the church. Yeah. And another theme alongside spirit is my connection with earth. And the mother within a big part of why I criticize Christianity is because it's oppressed the feminine and it has rejected the idea of a goddess, certainly in Protestantism where Mary as the mother of Jesus isn't seen as feminine. a divine or held in high esteem like the Catholics do. So I found that in Nature Connection and coming to the mother, coming to the feminine, coming to the mystery and the flow and the yin energy in Gaia, in the trees and the plants and the animals and the seasons. So as I have rewilded myself, I have embraced my own femininity. and learn to dance, learn to flow, learn to surrender. My yin is now there, whereas before it was absent, suppressed.

James: 12:13

How did the church really impact you with regards to your beliefs? Your limitations.

Sam: 12:20

Yeah, it's a mixed bag. It impacts me for good and for bad. And there's lots I am grateful for. I say this regularly, that the church taught me the value of prayer, of community, of studying scripture, of singing together, of retreats and meditation, food and sacred meals, bringing the sacred into the everyday. Limitations, though, I think the theology was narrow and the interpretation of wonderful scriptures, poetry and wisdom writings was through a very narrow lens and perhaps the original writers got it wrong or I'd like to think that maybe those who interpreted it, interpreted the original Hebrew and other languages had their own agendas or their own limitations. So there's a mixed bag there James and the baggage there of what I've said before of ignoring my femininity. not being trauma informed, not understanding the nuance of psychology, not understanding the great mystery. That sounds like a paradox, understanding the mystery, but giving space for mystery. Ironically, because the church is meant to be a faith institution, but the church I was in was so definite. So it's called Calvinist. So, certain on the exegesis of scriptures, there was no space for a maybe. And. I love maybe I think maybe is a word of revolutions challenges the certainty of Christianity, colonialism and capitalism, this unholy Trinity, which is so full of certainty. No, this can't always be certain. There's always a maybe. And that's so liberating, even though it might also be scary.

James: 14:08

For me rather than using the word, maybe I'd use the word curious and curiosity has been something that I've always had. And so I was brought, I had to go to, as a child, I had to go to church, and I suppose in some respect, that's almost made me resist the church, because I always had to, I had to go, and for years, using the word God, Has really tainted the word for me because it's almost forced upon you and I'm not saying all religions, but there's quite a lot of religions that look for, as they call it, God. I would now see the word God as something rather than male, whether than or female, it's something. So it's unknown. But is the idea that. It all looks on the outside, so you're always searching for that thing, or God up in the sky will give you finances, or will give you that house, give you a girlfriend, or whatever you want. For me, it's that search inside. God, for me, comes from the inside, which then obviously brings back the power to myself. And so now I can change my life. I haven't got to have a church change my life, or whatever it is.

Sam: 15:37

Said. And actually, that's what Jesus teaches. He said, God is within me. And so he will be for you. If you follow these teachings, you will learn that God can be within you. So that's the internal you talk about. Another word other than maybe and curiosity is both. What if God is within and without? And these are big terms and we just don't know the answer. What is it? What's truth? And that's what I'm saying. There's a lot of maybes here. A lot of, let's just imagine it's beautiful to wonder what are the answer to life's mysteries and will we ever know? I don't need to know for sure, but I like to work with things like metaphor, mythology and archetypes. So for me, God, as a father presence in the sky. Is an archetype, a role model for me as a father, a role model for me as a man to aspire to be like the son. a place of consistency, order, the heat and warmth and nurture of that sun, that fire energy that rains down, that is able to bring holding and growth and order and certainty and maybe by extension the stars as they are all various forms of the, of suns. So navigation and clarity, that's all yang energy, that's my archetype, the goddess. It's something different. That's maybe the moon. That's the changeability. That's the flow. That's what wasn't in my form of Christianity. It's what I'm learning and wanting to learn more about is how do I be more like the moon and surrender and trust and flow and be reflective of the sun's light. Then there's something beyond all of that, which you might call spirit, consciousness, prana, chi, and oneness. And, We've just got these little words that try to help us understand something on non understandable.

James: 17:37

I last Wednesday I had a coaching session and we were talking. So we started to work on the sacred connection. And she asked me the question, what does love mean to you? And it sent you down this massive rabbit hole. It got to the point where it just opened up completely. And there's this idea that when you explore a term or a word, and you get to that vast space, that kind of vast space, and you literally are just coming up with these terms, these ideas, which you never even thought were there, you know that you've gone beyond yourself. With regards to that term whatever it is, and is the idea that we are never going to be able to know this a hundred percent, but it's that trust is that knowing that kind of surrender that, okay, that is where this word is going. So the idea of love is this deep connection within this vast space of masculine and feminine, and this idea that. There is no masculine. There is no feminine. It just is

Sam: 18:59

yeah. I like to think that these are all maps, masculine, feminine, or yin and yang are maps. And like all maps, they are limited. They are representations of truth, and it depends where you are around a road, how that road looks. But if you open your map app on your phone, it's only gonna look one way. So That tree I'm looking at outside the window isn't on Google Maps. All maps are limited, but they're useful and they help us when we get lost because they cut away some of the confusion and the mystery and help us to move forward. So I'm a big map lover.

James: 19:43

Give us a direction.

Sam: 19:45

Yeah.

James: 19:46

And then we know which way to start going. When you left the church, how did you start to realize your limiting beliefs and work with your wounds?

Sam: 19:59

It's been an iterative journey. It's been one of constantly seeking. And when I say seeking, it's like seeking peace in an embodied way, not feeling something's right. Maybe I didn't have the language for it. So I left this massive church, thousand people, and then found a little church for 200 people. And it felt a bit better in my body. But after a few years there, it was still too much compromise. So then I started a church in my house and we met. On the couches and sitting and just talking, sitting in circle and praying and singing and learning and connecting. It was better. And then eventually, I was living in Africa at the time, moved back here and discovered Forest Church. So we'd meet outside, we'd have fires and marshmallows and learn to sing with the birds and pray in a seasonal liturgy, which was lovely, it was better. Each moment of pushing the boundary helped me connect more with what felt right in my body and my heart and what felt more, where I felt more access, where I felt more access to God. The obstacle was gone. Each time I left one behind, it was about dying. Part of that had to die. It was an obstacle to connect with God, with myself, with my power, with what I believe is our calling as humans. And I believe the theology of much of the church gets in the way of connecting with God, ironically.

James: 21:37

Was, do you have any like a set method or anything that you particularly did to work with these wounds?

Sam: 21:43

I've tried lots of things. I think one of my passions is just, or idiosyncrasies, is just diversity and trying different things. So yeah, I have tried lots, James. I've explored Islam. I've explored Eastern theologies, Taoism and Tantra, and I've explored conscious dancing and naturopathy and nutrition and different political economic systems. So I feel like once. someone is questioning a mainstream narrative, it just snowballs. So I was questioning mainstream Christianity and what I'd grown up with. And then suddenly it was questioning other things. How do we live as community? How a family set up? How do we manage our finances and our investments? How can I be a man of integrity across the board? So there's not one answer to your question, rather the opposite that it involved lift turning the stones in every area of my life.

James: 22:41

I suppose it's the awareness. As soon as you have that curiosity and that sense of awareness into whatever you're looking at and you open it up Because they say it 90 percent to your transformations awareness the 10 percent is then the action

Sam: 23:02

Yeah other thing that comes up James is a big part of the journey I think of healing is knowing who one is And in each moment of death of transition, it's been shedding a skin and getting more clear on my identity so that I can now really emphatically affirm myself with something like a mantra I know who I am. I am this and this. And that little prayer, that poem that I have, that is Stuck onto my mirror is the result of these last 15, 20 years of unpicking all the stuff from the 2030 years before that. Oh, it's a mixture actually. Some of it is, yeah, my name is this, it means this in Hebrew. I am the son of Morris and he is the son of Cyril. I am the father of these two children. And it's like coming home to self and having this, Affirmation that I can speak over myself whenever I'm feeling a bit shaky and all of that, all of those words are a powerful spell to, to be the greatest version of myself. And it's the result of a lot of soul searching.

James: 24:16

So there's some, there's somebody who's listened to the podcast who perhaps doesn't know where they are or who they are. What would you suggest or where could they start?

Sam: 24:29

Yeah. Conversations need to be had. If all of this is new to you as a listener, then follow this thread, come talk to me, talk to James, talk to other people who are doing this type of work, where we engaging in these topics and bring what we call this consciousness to identity and psychology and yeah, what it means to be human. Yeah that's the, that's where I started James, just sitting in a circle of men in a forest about seven or eight years ago. And that changed my life. I think doing some rites of passage is important as well. So my expertise and. Passion, compassion is for men. And I think we have an endemic problem that men do not know who they are. So we're talking on identity issues here and men have a collective wound from our forefathers who got hurt by the system as well as women. So there's a sense of insecurity or shame about being a man. It's wrong to be masculine. It's wrong to be chivalrous. It's wrong to open the door. It's wrong to be assertive. It's wrong to be a provider or protector. And it's all in the same mix, the same toxic cocktail of confusion. How do I be a man when my body's telling me this, but I'm hearing these feminist narratives and this accurate, shameful inheritance from men who have crossed the line and being misogynistic, et cetera. So then what has happened and why I say it's endemic is so many men have pendulum swung and become these flaccid, nice guys. I was the flaccid, nice guy for so long, but yes, man, just peacekeeper avoiding conflict being a nice lad. The nice boy, dare I say. So what can someone do is listening is do a rite of passage where you can let go of the old skin, the thing that no longer serves. Change the narrative. The nice guy must die or integrate and then embrace healthy adult maleness. And that's going to look different for everyone, but there are some cues or maps that we can find through these rites of passage.

James: 26:49

That would lead us quite nicely, actually. What do you define as a healthy man?

Sam: 26:56

So what does it mean to be a healthy male? There's not one answer to being a healthy male. And there's permission to be whoever you are as a man. At the same time, I think there's some key fundamental aspects that are primal and instinctual about being a male. And I might start with our anatomy, that because of our genitalia, we carry certain metaphorical energetic powers. Responsibilities, privileges, certainly differences to the female anatomy. Now I'm sensitive and cautious about this topic because it's vulnerable talking about sexuality. And in our current context of gender fluidity and the trans movement, I have. Great sensitivity and humility around this topic at the same time, working with cis men, I understand that between our legs, we carry seeds. The semen is Latin for seeds. We carry seeds by extension. The words we speak are seeds. The presence of a male body entering a room has a different texture to the presence of a female body or a feminine, rather feminine body entering the room. So it's clunky language because masculine overlaps with maleness. Sometimes it doesn't, sometimes more so than others. So as a masculine male, I enter a room knowing that my presence, my vibration, the base of my voice, the seeds in my balls carry authority. I can author the space. I can create a child. I've created two children. That is a huge privilege, a huge responsibility and a huge power. So I think a healthy male understands his power as a seed carrier. The other. aspect of being male is our cock, that there is a penetrative facility, to penetrate a organ, to penetrate the space. So along with that authority is this ability to penetrate the space as a male bodied human. So a healthy male understands that as well. He carries the seeds. He understands that he can penetrate the space. And whether that is how he conducts his business, how he speaks to his children, how he posts on social media, how he generates money, he's authoring the space. He uses his authority because he knows that is a primal anatomy. Alongside authority comes responsibility. So he takes responsibility for his children, a social media post or anything he's authored, he's a responsible man. And the third keyword we use in my work is accountable. Once he's authored the seeds, he has a clear account of his motivation. and his willingness to take responsibility for the consequence of his seeds. So I'd like to work with those three words and I honor my father actually who taught me that and authority, responsibility and accountability are three of the answers I might have to that question. What does it mean to be a healthy adult male? Can

James: 30:24

you say them three words again please?

Sam: 30:27

Authority, responsibility and accountability.

James: 30:32

I think, from my own perspective, I was what you called a Mr. Nice Guy, kind of thing, and there was a point in my life where I would avoid a fight at all costs. Even when she was having a a go at me, there was this idea that I would get anxiety, I would get fear. But I've come to learn that, It's for me, it's about, it's the seed of my responsibility to put my own boundaries in place to, to really have that authority over what I do and create an impact in the way that I'm creating good. I'm creating a world which grows rather than declines. And it's an idea from a man's perspective that we have all this power yet. understanding and taking responsibility that we don't, we might not have to use all that power. We have it, but we don't have to use it.

Sam: 31:36

Absolutely. I think that's a big part of being a healthy male is knowing the power and discerning when to use it. Healthy man also embraces his femininity. So the time when he doesn't use his seeds, where he chooses to be quiet, he chooses to be in surrender and with the mystery chooses to flow and trust or submit and that is of equal value and perhaps more revolutionary for a man to own his femininity and know when that's appropriate. So big part of adulting for men and women is just discerning what energy to express in that moment.

James: 32:19

Yeah. It's a big one that with a masculine feminine, you've got the masculine, which is quite often, especially the warrior to do with action, but then you bring it in utilizing the feminine, the surrender, So taking the action, but then allowing it to happen, surrendering it, allowing it to be, see what happens. And then if it, if something happens again, action, surrender, action, surrender. They're almost in line with each other.

Sam: 32:48

Yeah. That's the dance of life and both are so important. Beautiful dance.

James: 32:55

Yeah. So I did I remember, I think it was a couple of years ago, I did one of your retreats, the first men retreats.

Sam: 33:05

Yes.

James: 33:06

Can you explain the concept, because I found it quite eye opening and very helpful from a men's perspective. How does the retreat, what kind of areas do you cover and how do these areas help men to grow?

Sam: 33:24

There's a lot of answers to that. What comes up first is that our main disease in Western society, maybe beyond, certainly for men, Is disconnection that we are suspicious of each other, that the capitalist motivation of competition has become insidious in being human. So compete, and that has caused disconnection. The modern economy thrives on disconnection. So do you have the energy to borrow your neighbor's lawnmower? No, I don't really know them that well. Oh, let's just go to Homebase and get another lawnmower. Great for Homebase. But rubbish for connection with the neighbor. He could have had a cup of tea. Maybe they'd baked a cake. It could have been a beautiful moment to borrow a lawnmower. So this disease is a problem. Disconnection, mistrust, competition. So on a first men retreat, like many other retreats and men's spaces, the medicine instantly is connection and breaking down the barriers of this connection, realizing that we have more in common than we do. That separates us. So we create spaces for men to connect with each other and talk, listen, move, fight. We do a bit of martial arts, just embodied practices. If we're not fighting, then maybe it's just laughing or drumming and playing music, lighting a fire, chopping wood. It's very primal, very physical, very adventurous and fun. And I'll keep going. James, the, this connection is with self as well. So our space creates opportunities for men to slow down and connect with themselves. And maybe that's really rare for the man that he doesn't know himself. So we offer these milestones on a map of meanings. So he can say, ah, that's, that helps me understand myself better. And there's a two way process here. Cause he understands himself better and connects with himself often in the mirror. Of another man sharing. So when John shares about some challenges with his marriage, then Peter can understand his marriage a bit better. And in the third area, which is a big one for us, and we particularly cherish and champion is connection with the mother, with Gaia, with creation. So inviting men, not just to connect inwards, not just to connect with the circle of men, but then to connect beyond. To the trees, the plants, the seasons, our workshops and events are always seasonally informed. So our winter retreat, for example, is called The Cave, and it's subtitled Hibernation Without Isolation. It's about slowing down. It's about unpacking what does it mean to be alone, to be depressed, to be Decomposing like in winter. So connecting with the rivers and the streams, the mountains and the elements with earth, air, fire, and water. Yeah. We love to do that in a really fun, playful, but deep, meaningful way.

James: 37:01

So one thing I love to do is a Ecstatic dance and I went this Sunday. And one thing that I got from that was that I felt very disconnected. And through exploring this a little bit more over the last couple of days, I've come to realize that quite often. But from my own perspective and what I realize is that when we feel disconnected from people, quite often it's because I feel it's disconnected from yourself. So when I connect back to myself and are able to really connect to my soul, connecting to others. Almost becomes easy because I'm already connected. This is the idea that if you connect to yourself, you connect to the whole.

Sam: 37:54

Love it. Yeah. I believe in that. And I don't think it's linear. I think there's times where need others to help us connect to ourselves.

James: 38:03

Could you, I haven't talked about it very much. Can we look a bit deeper into the feminine and how do you connect to the feminine and what is the feminine energy?

Sam: 38:13

Feminine energy. Is a pole on this map, a pole away from that masculine extreme, she knows how to surrender, to trust, she's comfortable with mystery and the unknown. For me, she represents the circle and cycles, understanding the cyclical nature. Of life. It's hard to define this one. I think it's harder to define feminine than masculine. And that's part of the definition is that it's hard to define because the feminine is mysterious. How can I put a mystery in a box and give you a few bullet points in this answer? Obviously I can't, that would be a paradox. So those are some thoughts on the feminine. I think in the cycle, key part that's missing in the masculine capitalist system is death. And for me, the feminine represents the essential nature of regularly dying. And because life is so obsessively focused on or growth rather in the capitalist template, we've forgotten how to die. So part of this feminine feminist revolution that I'm part of is about learning to die. Very well. How do we surrender? How do we die? How do we embrace winter as the season of slowing down of not being productive or being productive in a different way? Yeah,

James: 39:51

just to the people out there. Can you just clarify what you mean by die?

Sam: 39:55

It metaphorically, allowing part of self that no longer serves to Have a rest.

40:04

Yeah. Yes. So

Sam: 40:05

there are parts of our psyche that formed in response to triggers and traumas and we can give thanks for them, but there comes a time when they no longer serve. So let that part die. Like a snake sheds its skin, like the leaves fall off the trees as we get to winter, ah, it's gone. I can let that part of my soul go to bed or have a different function. It's not. Running the show anymore. Great, energetic, symbolic death and in its place can come new life like the phoenix on your wall behind. I think that's a great symbol for the reincarnation that can happen for us as humans.

James: 40:51

It's the rise of the new version of ourselves. Yeah. Can you tell us what do you offer? what do you do and what kind of things do you offer?

Sam: 41:01

Thank you. Yes, I love working with men and I also work with women and the focus is on understanding and liberating the masculine within. So for the woman I work with, it's often about them embracing their own masculinity and to get there, they might need to heal some wounds from father figures or men in their past so that they can then hold the boundaries themselves and have that sense of order and discipline rather than outsourcing it. For the men who's mainly I work with, it's about identity formation and standing in confidence and the redeeming. The understanding of what it means to be a man working through that shame we touched on earlier. So I work one on one with these people. And then first men is my organization with my team that supports men to go on these journeys, these rites of passages, these adventures, these camping trips, and we meet regularly online and in person. Throughout the year, we've worked and met hundreds of men over the last couple of years of running this. And I wouldn't. Be doing anything else.

James: 42:18

Thank you very much, Sam.

Sam: 42:20

You are welcome.