High Standards, Mental Health, and Growth: A Conversation with Cain Leathem - Part 2

In this powerful part two, Cain Leathem returns to dive deeper into the inner blocks that keep so many men stuck. From the hidden roots of self-sabotage to the impact of walking away from someone we care about, Cain shares raw stories and hard-earned wisdom on what real transformation looks like.

We explore why some people aren’t ready to change — and how well-meaning support from others can sometimes add pressure, not help. Cain explains why clarity is essential when setting goals and how having a strong “why” gives us the fuel to move forward. Without it, we drift. With it, we grow.

This episode is filled with honest reflections on mental health, emotional resilience, and the pressures men face to perform, provide, and be everything to everyone. Cain shares how overthinking, negative self-talk, and unrealistic expectations can quietly derail progress, and why sometimes, it’s not about pushing harder — it’s about going deeper.

You’ll also hear a powerful analogy about goals, the importance of listening over fixing, and why “being comfortable with being uncomfortable” is essential for growth. We unpack how childhood, trauma, and even genetics influence how we respond to fear and challenge — and why resilience is something we must model for the next generation.

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling stuck, lost, or not “enough,” this conversation offers clarity, encouragement, and practical tools to help you start moving forward with intention.

This isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about real, sustainable change — and it starts with understanding yourself.

More About Cain:

Cain Leathem is one of Britain’s leading Exercise and Nutrition Consultants... having studied extensively aspects of the human body, exercise and nutrition, functional medicine, biomechanics, phlebotomy, DNA assessment, Neuro Linguistic Programming among many other related disciplines. He prides himself on constantly furthering his education and the sharing of this knowledge.

As a highly qualified and experienced consultant he has appeared on T.V./radio, and has been featured/written in many specialist magazines/newspapers. He is the author and course provider for his award winning Personal Trainer, Nutrition and First Aid for Mental Health Qualifications as well as owner and director of GB Fitness.

 As a personal trainer and nutritionist his clients range from complete beginners desiring fat loss and health enhancement to international athletes in elite competition (details available on www.gbfitness.com). He encourages health within the workplace and offers businesses advice on how to best maximise efficiency (and therefore profit) through the wellness and vitality of their employees. His expertise in this field has taken him worldwide including work in Africa, Malta, India, Germany, Turkey, Tenerife, Miami, Hollywood, Las Vegas, Estonia, Croatia , Italy, Switzerland, Finland, Cayman, Poland, Austria, Kuwait, Bahrain, Ireland, Greece and Hungary. Cain is a Professional Speaker and presents on all matters of health and optimal being – both physical and mental.

Cain is also a qualified NLP Master Practitioner and utilises this skill to motivate his clients and help instil a positive mood state in all the people that he meets. 

Cain has been actively involved in the health industry for 30 years and has held many seminars including being a key speaker at the Federation of Holistic Therapists convention and the annual conference on ‘Childhood Obesity and Malnutrition’. 

www.gbfitness.com

Transcript

0:01

In part two, we talk about the root of self-sabotage, the power of walking away, and how this can be a huge catalyst for change. We talk about needing a clear destination when setting a goal and how having a strong why can be your core motivator. Welcome to Man: A Quest to Find Meaning, where we help men navigate modern life, find their true purpose, and redefine manhood. I'm your host, James, and each week, inspiring guests share their journeys of overcoming fear Embracing vulnerability and finding success. From experts to everyday heroes. Get practical advice and powerful insights. Struggling with career, relationships or personal growth? We've got you covered. Join us on Man Quest to Find Meaning. Now, let's dive in.

James: 1:01

How do you work with clients who are in that position and what do you, how can you help them?

Cain: 1:08

Good question because I will say, and straight into my head, some people aren't ready for help. So when somebody comes to me, and this might be for a diet, might be training, might be mental health, advice, help canceling whatever when somebody else calls on their behalf. Good question because I will say, and straight into my head, some people aren't ready for help. So when somebody comes to me, and this might be for a diet, might be training, might be mental health, advice, help canceling whatever when somebody else calls on their behalf. Always very dubious about, is this because somebody's trying to be the helper, fixer? Or is this because the person that is involved the client wants it. So I always say let's say it's your partner, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter or mom, dad, whatever. Have you spoke to them? Is this something they want? Are they ready for the changes that is gonna put them into a better place? Or do you want to help them? Which is admirable, it's applaudable, but maybe they're not in the place to accept and they're not ready and you are putting unnecessary pressure on them. And ultimately, you might be paying money for something. Somebody isn't gonna follow up, you're absolutely right. And there's men, I think we want to be that provider, that fixer, but each person that comes to me's what do you want from me? How can I help you? And it's amazing how many people will call me book in and they go I'm not sure. And then it's very organic and conversational. A consultation with me will take hours. I go in with no preconceived ideas. Yes, I might have previous health history, blood test results. They fill in a four pace questionnaire, keep a training and food diary and all of that. But what happens when we go into conversation very often, the destination of what they thought they wanted and the reality are hugely different. They're different postcodes, they're even the same vicinity. So opening up and giving somebody room to talk when somebody's ready. I want them to ask for it, not for somebody else to ask for it. They say, whether it's addiction, whether whatever it is, you've really gotta open your heart and mind up to the fact that there is a problem before you will seek help. Because you might go, yeah, I do this too much, I do that too much. I don't do enough of this. But you in denial the minute you go, actually this is starting to be a problem, or it could be a problem. I need to go and seek advice, help, mentoring, whatever it might be. But I think it's very important the person is involved in that decision. And, rather than being intervention by those people around that's one point I would make. If somebody's not ready they're not ready for change.

James: 3:53

So if they are ready. What kind, obviously I feel as though you'll probably go in there with questions to get a deeper understanding of what's going on inside. What do you find is the biggest cause of this and how do you navigate this?

Cain: 4:10

I think one big one,'cause it's different for everyone is people putting too much pressure on themselves. Too many expectations, be it they want to have the body, the health, the mindset they had when they were younger. Be it they have a family and feel that they have to be seen to be, super dad, super mom, whatever for the kids. Be it that they feel threatened in the current environment in the workplace, that, they'll lose their job and look at the economy. There's just pressure, and then that is amplified and very often exaggerated outside of all reality. In your head, that internal auditory dialogue, as we call it, that inner voice, then you've got to consider why people do certain things. Self-sabotage. Maybe there's history there. So I could give you very dramatic, I won't necessarily, but very dramatic examples of that where I've had people literally eating themselves into the grave. I was talking, getting to 26, 27 stone in this one case because that person had very successfully worked with me for years. Prior to that got their weight down from a big weight to a very healthy weight. Were very physically active, mobile. Everything they said they wanted to achieve, they achieved them more. But one of the striving factors when the driving factors for them was a relationship and they got in a relationship and it didn't work. So the self-sabotage was literally get as big as they can so nobody could possibly love me. Which isn't the case, isn't necessarily the case at all. But they were getting to a point where it was very dangerous. And I literally did end up walking away because I'm like, look, I've tried every trick that worked the first time around over years. I knew this person really well. They'd become a personal friend and I can't stand by and watch you do this to yourself. And it turns out me walking away was a great catalyst for them to change'cause that shook their world and they then found somebody else. And rather than me being possessive and jealous about that, I was like, look, whatever works for you works for me because I consider you as a friend, not just a client. And almost got two complacent. And I'm very black and white. I'm very upfront. Anybody who's worked for me, I'm very blunt. And that used to really work with this person, and it stopped working. Again, sometimes, and it's a hard thing to do, James is walking away from people, beat a relationship. I've been into, sadly failed marriages, but I've got two amazing sons. I do everything to, keep the peace because they're only little. I see their mom's regular. I seen, both of them this morning. And I don't wanna pretend that they're best friends, but they're not enemies. I won't let, I won't let that eat me. And I certainly will never let the children see that they don't hear a bad word and they never will. And that might weigh heavy, for instance, on my mental health. So it might be that I have to do things for me, or I will be willing to do things for me. Because what's important is they have a healthy daddy physically and mentally. Sometimes it's finding what's important to somebody, and maybe it's not themselves, maybe is their job, their part because, there's a lot of things. A simple one would be the skydiving, but, whatever it might be. I. Is dedicated to them and for me to be there for as long and as healthy as I can be for them. So that's the things we tap into when we have the conversation. What is your motivation driving force? And people are kind like I'm not really sure. So I liken, it's a, people travel see me from wherever and I say I've given you my postcode and then the number of the door and describe the house and blah, blah, blah. So you have an exact pinpoint with laser accuracy of where you need to be at nine o'clock in the morning, whatever, to see me. If I said I mean say Birmingham, what's the chances of you finding me? Zero? And that's people's goal or destination. And that it doesn't have to be as exact as a buff, pinpoint in a map. But if I can help them zero in. What they feel and believe would make them happy. As for instance, it might be when they get there, they want more, maybe they want less. Maybe it's the left of that, the right of that. And that's why reevaluation and adjustment.'cause you get people, therapists, trainers, nutritionists, or very set and have a set point go, this is what we want. We need your bloods to be perfect. We need you to have a six pack. We need you to run this fast. We need you to do no. You are enforcing your ideals on somebody. Listen to that person. I've got a big Ganesh tattoo on my back for, some of the symbolism, but one of them has two big ears and a small mouth. Listen more than you speak.

James (2): 9:09

I teach this

Cain: 9:09

to my students when they're doing consultations. If your client is unloading and maybe unraveling, give them the space to do that. Treat them with respect. Then readdress it.'cause you might have to shift focus. Maybe that's the reason they're not eating well. Maybe it's the reason they're not exercising. So it's a concentrate on here's your diet, here's your training plan. Totally the wrong approach. And I'm not expecting everyone to be trained in NLP and canceling a mentoring as I am, but then find somebody who is, surround yourself with people of excellence and make a team. I've done it a bit. I'm taking a lot of things. I'm wearing a lot of hats. There are better sports. I'm qualified in body massage, sports massage. I don't do it. I send them to other people who are better than I know personally. And again, stop trying to be excellent at everything. But certainly don't be a jack of all trades. You had that with a mechanic that put a dodgy second and bit in your car, and as a, when you were literally describing it, it was like, oh, so he's gone for convenient and cheap and cheerful, because I hear that all the time. When people come to me, I work with this trainer, did that, and they go, what is this they've given you? Why did you go there? Oh,'cause of a 4 99 a session. Or they live next door to me. And I go, come on. God forbid if you had to have, serious surgery, are you gonna go to, the trainee, you gonna go to the person that's, done this procedure a thousand times and never had a that's who I'm sourcing. Those have been my tutors, in the areas that I've studied. And that's why I, created people like David Hener because he studied people and their, motivation and their actions to gain the results for years. And people have great excellence in, in business, in sport, and everything. Going to the PTs, people being a PT overnight, I. I came at the Air Force, I went to America, travel around for three months. As I said, I'm very proud of my time in as a armor aircraft, weapons technician, but not much. Call for ejection seats, bombs, missiles, and DS and BAM bombs. Yeah.

James (2): 11:12

Yeah.

Cain: 11:12

Sydney Street. Not many cars in an ejection seat. And they got expensive. So I traveled around America and I was going off to British Air Space to work for Sadi air Force as an instructor. Really well paid, tax free. But they had this little thing going on called the Gulf War, and I thought not the best time. I was very tall and skinny. I'm six two. I went to America and traveled rein and ended up hanging out with some surfers. We were all into training and I was staying in a condo at the beach and I just saw all these body, beautiful, men and women, Gold's Gym and all that kind of stuff. And I was like, you know what? Fancy bit that pure vanity. Literally, I was only my early twenties pure vanity, but I'm the kind of person who wants to know how, what, when, where, I need the nitty gritty. So I went and studied the west London Institute, higher education, do my gym instructor, pt. I went to the institute for up to nutrition, to study nutrition. I was working for Weeder, the original bodybuilding stores, got headhunted, became the area manager for a massive, the biggest fitness store in the UK at the time workout world. And I covered Stratford and Newcastle and Belfast. But long story short, I was studying sports therapy, starting my master's degree. And it was only after six years and I've been training a lot of athletes, and especially bodybuilders, but six years of. In the trenches, as they call it, mastered in my art and trade before I ever charged anybody for pt, and they walked away from that job and became a PT and nutritionist. Nowadays, people want it in six minutes. How can you be brilliant enough to take on things, which, if you're open-minded and you're not writing the same plan and program and protocol for everyone, how are you gonna have the experience and the depth of knowledge to take all commerce or close to that? Yeah. Get good at it. Learn before you earn. We're living in a world of fake it till you make it and all. If you wanna talk about mental health, that bugs me on a daily basis.'cause I feel people's standards in themselves and more so for others when they're charging ridiculous money. I know people who haven't got a clue what they're doing, charge 3, 4, 5 times were what I am. I could literally give examples of, celebrity PT clinics in London charging hundreds of pounds an hour, hundreds with that exact same person has been my client. And in fact, in one instance was a student of mine and dropped out and went, this is too challenging. What are you saying? You're saying that you charge five times, six times actually what I charge. And you're not willing to study because it's a bit, challenging. This is the modern world. Yeah. And yet the people paying that person. I have no idea literally how bad they are. Yeah. So I don't verbalize it. I'm not gonna drop somebody in it, but, I see this and there are a lot of people being fooled. A lot of

James: 13:54

people, yeah. Being fooled. There's a couple of things sort I wanna mentioned that you mentioned earlier. One was the catalyst. So you mentioned the catalyst to your friend to, to be able to go through what he was going through. Was you walking away? And I think that is so important.

Cain (2): 14:13

Oh, that she was a she by the way. I don't wanna give too many clues, but it was a

James: 14:16

she, okay. The catalyst was such a, it's such an important thing because my, part of my, when I went through this breakup about 10 years ago, the catalyst for me was basically not having to go through that whole experience again.

Cain: 14:36

And that, that, that was for this lady. It hurt her so much. She was literally eating herself to death to prevent emotional heartache because what if she got in another relationship and got hurt again? And I know relationships when they break down hurt. Like I said, I'm twice divorced, but sometimes there's actually a blessing and you're better off, in the place that you end up. But it's hard to see that at the time.

James: 14:57

Yeah.

Cain: 14:58

Yeah. It is hard to see that at the time.

James: 15:01

But it's so important that everything that we go through, if we slow down enough, if we go within, quite often, the catalyst is just there in front of us. Yeah. We just gotta be able, we just gotta see it.

Cain: 15:16

You just gotta see it. See it because we're so wrapped up. Sometimes we're so wrapped up in the misery is the easiest way to say it. That it's, and again, it's a little example. I'm very into analogies and little practical demonstrations. So if I was given a talk, I might darken the room and put a torch on and go if I shine my torch on that's all I'm seeing.'cause that's all I'm the torch on. Let's put the big light on, as guy would call it. Now look at all these potential possibilities we've got. Look at the room filled with all these different people, and maybe one of these people, could be my savior, could be my partner, could be the one that actually just say, sort, sort it out. You've been wallowing in this long enough. Or it might be somebody else goes, actually you need to heal. You need to do this. Talking therapy. You need to go on this adventure, you need to do whatever. We need other people, I believe, I really do believe we need other people sometimes to shine the light. Away from the misery onto the opportunities

James: 16:14

or even to see the hour behind. Yeah. And that's important. We might not see what's going on, but somebody from the outside perspective can see be blatantly what's going on. And I think knowing your blind spot is so key. But you mentioned, because I think mental health is such a, it's a minefield mental health, mental illness because I feel as though we almost put everything because we're so we are so drawn and so into the mind that we put everything into mental health, but maybe sometimes what we're going through is actually emotional health.

Cain: 16:54

And that's why I do use those terms slightly differently. And again it's your perception and understanding and in what context, which is very important. But yeah, as I said, we all have up and down days, but some people will see, a bad experience that puts'em into a lower mood state and automatically I'm depressed. I've got depression. And I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna belittle that. I'm not gonna question that, but is this a temporary state? Is this transient or are we stuck? Is it affecting your everyday life? Is it having a knock on effect negatively to other people? And sometimes we need to address it. It is the time and the place, and other times it's, we'll ride with it and let's see, because tomorrow is another day.

James: 17:40

And you mentioned about pinpointing because when we are. Aiming this big. As I said, the scream, it's very hard to pinpoint something that's more yes. And so I feel sometimes it's self-reflection going into kind of allowing theirselves to go into this thing because I feel like people, especially if you use the word fear, people know they're scared, but they, if, if they go in, if they want to allow themselves to almost go into that fear, they almost have to walk through it. And quite often fear, anger other emotions, sadness, grief, people will run a mile before they even think about, okay, I'm gonna have to be brave. I'm gonna have to step into this. To even be able to pinpoint what exactly is it that's really triggering me or is really causing me to feel anxious.

Cain: 18:42

Yeah. Yeah. And they avoid things that they will learn from or need in their life because they've built it up into something that's way more horrendous than the reality of the situation. So again, that's, external factors and people might be able to help there. But you're right, sometimes it is that face to fear and do it anyway. Now, there are times where you just don't do that. Go back to the skydiving. I wanted to prove to myself, and I love being it, but then there was a point where it's okay, the fear isn't about me anymore. The fear is if I plow in my baby at the time I hadn't even been born isn't gonna have a daddy. And so sometimes fears irrational, sometimes they're irrational, sometimes, we have to go through that. To feel the wonderment, the enjoyment, the, the amazing satisfying feedback that we get from something, and then, but then you've got your adrenaline joint.'cause a lot of this, by the way, comes down to genetics. And I do a lot of genetic testing and you've got people that are driven by dopamine, which is that reward mechanism. And you've got DRD receptors in the brain and you've got comps, this methyl trend phrase enzyme that breaks down adrenaline. So people get stuck in that, or they can't, optimize adrenaline so they feel flat and, burnt out. And there is no. For instance, cortisol, we call stress hormone, but straight away, I always say to people just the term calling it stress hormone, which is somewhat correct, made by the adrenals, but it's a negative connotation. Like all cortisol's bad body border is for yours or breaks day muscle does this. We need it to mobilize energy. It gives us that get up and go in the morning. If I measure somebody's cortisol awaken and response, which basically mirrors adrenaline when you wake up in the morning, you essentially, your stress levels, if we want to simplify it as that term, are supposed to go up to give you that get up and go and get outta bed. Now the mental health, I gave the talk two weeks ago in cardio. If I showed somebody that was a hugely elevate, heightened state of long-term chronic stress and adrenal. Overdrive. But then the next slide was somebody, and she'd been a elite cyclist in the British Olympic team. She was completely flatlined'cause they'd pushed it and pushed it till she burnt out. And I told the story, basically they drove her into the ground. She had to come out cycling. And I'm not exaggerating when I say no, it's probably 13, 14 years later, maybe even more. She still never recovered. And that was official coaches and experts in the British cycling team. And I see this a lot with athletes because they enforce a succeed or drop out. We haven't got room to nurture people or push and only the fittest will survive. It's kinda a military, outlook and training, although that's changed'cause in my opinion, a lot of things are getting a bit too soft. I've literally seen a thing this morning, then it's a quote, I haven't even looked into it, but it's, stop shaking at recruits. I dunno what they mean by this, but be more like David Beckham, be the nice guy. And, but you're sending people to horrendous places around the world in horrendous situations where they are literally exposing themselves in their lives and you want to treat them softly with kid gloves. Sometimes you need pressure, you need torment, you need to be exposed. The CS Chamber, you know some people that equate, I immune actually, it's always funny. It never massively bothered me. But you go in, you got your respirator NBC suits off number, say backwards. Oh my God. You're coughing your gut. And nobody really enjoys it apart from the di the instructors, they think it's hilarious. But if you never go through that, God forbid what would happen if you were, I was supposed to go the Gulf one, but if you were coming under attack from nuclear, biological, or chemical warfare and you didn't know your drills off by art. So sometimes there is a necessity and if make it more lightweight, the lady today is gonna come and see me. I'm gonna give her a gentle at home stretching plan and, just a, an exercise band workout plan. And I will supervise it. I will assess her, we'll go through it, we'll write notes, make sure she's comfortable with everything. But she then has to do that. She's going to have to do her homework to reach the goal that she's trying to get to. So is she gonna enjoy every one of those workouts? Possibly not. I'd like her to, but does she have to do it anyway, otherwise it's not gonna work? Absolutely. When students are studying for their exams, if you're going through, athletic training or military training, whatever, there are times where you're literally gonna go that little voicing head gonna go, what am I doing this for? What have I got to prove? And then you gotta reset and go, no, I really want to achieve this. This is important to me. This is important that I do it for my family, my kids, my partner, my students, whatever it might be. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It doesn't make it less uncomfortable, but you accept it. You know why you're doing it. You reason, I've gotta go through this or I'm not gonna achieve. Yeah. Again, I think, and I've got two young kids, but we are raising the society, immediate gratification. If it's uncomfortable, walk away. And

James: 23:55

I think Tony Robbins talks about a cycle where, I can't remember the four things. Just bring this, brought it to mind there where we have a, we go through a tough time, the population becomes hardened. Then we go through that tough time it could become, because we're hardened, things become easier. As they become easier, we become softer. And then obviously we become softer. Things come harder, so then we become hardened. So I feel as though, I think you're saying about every 10, 15 years we go through another phase and I feel as though we're going into this softened phase, which will make us hardened in perhaps 20 years time and go around.

Cain: 24:40

Yeah. Yeah. And there are cycles I remember seeing, it was actually Sylvester Stallone talking about something, and I've seen Tony Robbins right a couple of times. But Sylvester Stallone saying, tough times make tough people, but it doesn't mean tough as in cold. It means resilient sometimes. And if you're not challenged, you don't learn, you don't grow. But by the same token, if you're over challenged, you break, or some people break.

James (2): 25:02

So it's

Cain: 25:03

finding that happy medium. But if you're talking about, cycles 10, 15 years, where does that live? My kids, if they're eight and 13, because I wanna know that by the time they hit maturity in adulthood, that they are resilient. And there's only so much I can do because there's a whole big world out there for them, away from me. And I don't want them to be, I grew up very strict, very tough. I don't want that. My kids get told a thousand times a day that I love them. We're very tactile, kissy, cuddly. I never got that. I never, I'm not even gonna go into it, that it's not a sub story. I just never got that right. There are times where people absolutely just need pure love and affection and caring and an ear. But there are other times where it's come on boys, you need to tidy your stuff up. It's thinner time. Sit down, at the table, this, that, and that. It's a happy medium. There are, there's a time and a place, and if we rely on. Powers that be, be it government, be the instructors, be it the school teachers, whatever. And a lot of them have their hands tied and they're getting directives to be soft. Be this, let people off. Sometimes you have to do it for ourselves. Sometimes

James (2): 26:08

you

Cain: 26:08

look at ourselves in the mirror and go am I giving myself too easy in a time with this? Am I making too many excuses to not get stuff done? I've got a deadline and I've been studying genetic testing for. 11 years, about 11 and a half years.'cause I remember I was still with, as they call it, ex, ex-wife number one. I girl. He was just a baby. And I remember calling out and was studying with a friend of mine brilliant tutor World, Renee and America Dogan came over from Copenhagen, Denmark. I've had him over a few times teaching my students and doctors, but I over studying with him, and I remember calling her, it was a few days, so I was away from home and I was buzzing. She was like, I've never heard you this excited for ages. And I was like, this is what I want. I want changing. I'm confused as hell. That means I'm learning. And I say to my students, I've got this picture of it's actually Bruce Lee just pulling this face. And it's a confused good. Because if you're not confused, you already know all of this. So why are you even here? Get comfortable being uncomfortable. But now let's take a step back and explain everything so you understand. If we make everything too comfortable or if you want everything too comfortable, we will pay the price for that.

James: 27:16

There's a guy I interviewed probably a couple of weeks ago, Ori later we talked, he talked about fatherhood and how before he can be his best for his daughter, he has to be this best for himself. So he has to do the growth within himself so that he can then lead by example, so that then she can see that what he does. But I think also there's the idea that yes I feel as though as adults, as teachers, we need to show people love so that they feel loved. But at the same time, we also need to challenge them enough to, so that they feel challenged. That, so that they can understand when they grow up or when they become a bit more astute that they can, they know how to love themselves. Yes. Because we've shown them. They also know how to go, how to work through challenges, how to work through mental health prob issues that they may have, how to work through physical health, how to work through if they get lost or don't know their purpose, how they can start to step into their purpose. And I feel like that is where the gold is.

Cain: 28:30

Yeah. I'm gonna give you an example and he's very lightweight, but it literally is fresh. It was yesterday. So I drove up to the Lake District onside, which holds, great memories from when I was 20 and swimming in the lake with a girlfriend at the time. I was in the Air Force and me and my boy have the older boy Oscar had been camping. So I wanted to take the younger one there, and we went on the boat and did some lovely stuff. But like your car, like most people's cars I've got some kind of power drain on the battery and it was all charged up and it was fine. Drove up there no problem. This was on Tuesday and the lakes being the lakes. Weather look great. You're driving in there just before 12 and the heaven's open. I was like, ah. And like I said, we went out on the boat anyway, but being a conscientious, safe driver with the kids in the car, as we got up toward the lakes I put the side lights on just for visibility to other the drivers.'cause the road getting is always, it's obviously busy. And it just put the sidelights on. Pulled up outside the place we were staying. A lovely place parked in the car park. And I've got the two kids, I'm keeping an eye on them and always take too much stuff'cause I've got their toys and games and I've got, the suitcase and I've took wetsuits in case we go for a swim in the lake. They weren't feeling that. I like my cold water dips. They weren't feeling that. But I've got the car massively overloaded, always over prepared. So I'm unloading the car, they're sitting there, we go in, we check in, they're happy with the room. And it's let's go out. Don't care if it's raining. That's why. We've got raincoats. Like I love love gr. We Billy Connolly, there's no such thing as bad weather. You just got the wrong clothing. So we've, and they're happy kids love the rain. So we go down, we do the boat trip and come back and we had some dinner and stuff and then we went down to the car for something and the central lock-in was being a bit moody. And I was like, oh no. And a clock that had left the side lights on. So I was like, there's not a lot I can do about it tonight, but it's older, the boys and Oscar, the older one was like, is everything gonna be okay, daddy? I was like, look daddy. We'll sort it. And I'm telling this story because as you said, they're always watching and they pick up on little subtle things. So yesterday morning we're up early, we get breakfast, right? Daddy's on a mission, okay? So I've gotta get, I've brought a car charger with me. I always carry with, again, it's the six B. So I've got the pump, I've got the car charger in the boat where I didn't have, obviously, not obviously, but I didn't have electrical lead. I asked hotel didn't have one. We went round the shops way with them for open, went down to a hardware store. I was gonna buy, an extension lead. They very gracefully let me loan one. I plugged it in. Luckily it was parked right next to a fruit and veg shop plugged in all prepared. Now, Oscar was really worried about this. I think it's the younger generation, a little bit. There's a lot of negativity maybe pushed out and he's not on thankfully social media platforms and stuff, I think they just pick up on it or that's who he is, whatever. So he was a little bit and I was like, okay, I'm not gonna talk about it too much because I don't wanna amplify his, if you wanna call it anxiety worry. What it did was he's gonna see daddy step up and whatever it takes. So I was like backup plan, it's charging. I know it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna find a garage. It's one garage in humble side. We went down there, it was too early in the morning. They're setting up this market store selling fruit and vegetables. Good stuff. The lady's oh yeah, at half eight, right Boys, we'll get breakfast, come back.'cause I can see in the window he is got one these power packs to jumpstart the car. Plan B, if the charger doesn't work, we've got plan B. Cool. So I'm like in my head, oh, guess what? We have breakfast to go back because it's half term. The guy decided not to open the garage. I can see the charger. I'm this close away to putting it. I'm not really gonna put the window through. But I was like, so in my head I'm like, bloody hell, this charger better work because plum B's not gonna work and this, that, and that. Lo and behold, not a problem. Fired the car up. Battery was okay. Drove back, started. First time this morning. It's not an issue. What I saw was my older son, the younger one was fairly oblivious to it. The older one was getting a little bit frit as to, what's gonna happen. His mom called her. So I said it'll be okay. She's you're gonna get back, okay. I was like, look, I'll sort it. And she knows me. Whatever it takes, I'd get it sorted. I needed him. In a very quiet, subtle way to see Daddy make this happen. And without saying daddy's gonna do it and trying to be superhero. I just want him to see it and gently, softly, quietly plant a seed. All right. When things go wrong, you step up, you do whatever has to be done and have a plan B, have a plan C, have contingencies, be ready.'cause in life, that's what we need. We don't always get what we want, but if we work hard at it and we strive for it, maybe we can get what we need.

James: 33:11

Yeah. Or Mr, just thinking that devil's advocate there, would there be an opportunity to teach the, obviously you taught the child to step up, but just thinking here in this moment, could there be an opportunity to say in is it Oscar? Yeah. Yeah, Oscar. Okay. This is what we've, this is what we've been given. Is there something that we could do? You could think we could do to help to step up to fix the problem?

Cain: 33:40

Oh yeah. I, because in my head it was like if this doesn't work, what do we do? And then we sit down with the boys and we were gonna basically go through a brainstorm. I'd already planned that to see what solutions they came up with because, I have, and I didn't wanna give them, everything an overload. I wanted, I know it sounds a bit weird, but I almost wanted it to be okay, there is a small, minor blip problem, whatever you want to call it. And I've got other contingency plans, which I'm not gonna share'cause I want you to actually see that what I do works. But if it doesn't, we've got some, so I've got, breakdown cover and this, that, and the that. They actually did, he did say the little one said we'll just fly home daddy.'cause to him, we'll just get a plane. And US goes that's not very practical, but we could get a train if you need. And I says there you go. I will get you home. And there are things in the back of my head and it's good that you're thinking about these things, but the thing to do is if, and this is what I explained to him, if you're focused on the worry, the negative, the poor outcome, that's what will happen. You are manifesting that.'cause you are gonna sit there and start trying to go, oh no, the car won't start. Whereas I'm gonna go guess what? We've got the charger was there ready? And I said to him, remember, I keep teaching you the six Ps. That's why the Charger's in the car. Then you've gotta sit down and think, okay, I need to plug it in. I need to get an extension and ask nicely in the shop. I gave them a little thank you. Couple of quick, et cetera. I says always treat people nicely and with respect because without that hardware shop. And they loaned me, as I said, the extension, but I would've happily bought one. But if that wasn't available and the shop next to the car park, had they not been kind enough to let me plug it in. So it just shows you, we do rely on other people sometimes. And we did have a little chat about that. And honestly, he just diffused it. He got in the car and he was really happy because I don't like seeing them worried. But by the same token, I did say in life these things are gonna happen.

James (2): 35:30

Yeah.

Cain: 35:31

But if you weren't worried, you probably wouldn't be motivated and inspired to do something to fix it. So focus on achieving what needs to be done rather than wallow in the, oh my God, things are falling apart because we've all done that. We've I've done that. We've all done that. And it's not easy sometimes. Sometimes that internal voice is too strong, that negativity. And that's where you've gotta get out your own head, get in nature, get the gym, do you know, hang out with friends and not even talk about it sometimes, yeah. Just roll with it. But yeah, we sorted it and we got back in good time.

James: 36:04

So I feel as though as a society, we're almost we becoming obsessed with, as we were saying earlier of things being there instantly of social media. And I've noticed with my my own niece and nephew, how much we use screens to keep them occupied, but at the same time, they're becoming so engrossed by it that they're relying on technology like social media and screens to come up solutions. But we need to be able to be resilient enough that in the moment where shit hits the fan, we're in the middle of nowhere. We need to come up with our own solutions here and there in that moment rather than using screens. And I think we are becoming, I feel as though we need to almost train. The youngsters teach the youngsters how to be resilient in a way that doesn't rely on anything too external, such as social media, such as screens, such as I suppose other people sometimes in a situation where there is no people.

Cain: 37:16

Yeah, no, and I'll tell you one thing that. Again, somewhat scares me and more so for them than me, but it is a fact. I was talking about this morning with the lady who's bloods I did, she was talking about somebody in her family that's younger and talking about training to be an accountant. And I says I've got accountants as clients and a lot of them are fearful that literally two, three years there's gonna be very few opportunities'cause of ai. I think ai, whilst it seems amazing, and yes, of course it's contributing to, and we students bloody are, sadly it's doing the work for them, but it's taken away a lot more than it's at the moment. I feel giving. And people are totally reliable reliance on those things. The younger one, Freddy has very little screen time, and when he is with me, very little. We don't watch TV and doesn't do okay games. Oscar being older, does a bit, but literally yesterday in the car it's okay, you've had your, half an hour, 45 minutes, the tablet goes away and whether we're playing in the room. I've got, I'm looking at here, we've got Lego, we both of them read. They've always been readers, but proper books, rep pages and paper. We've got Twister, we've got Monopoly, we've got Connect four. We've go back to old school, proper interaction, working as a family, having fun with that in games because, there might only be games, but it's a lot more than that. Where turn taking, sharing all the good stuff that, kids need to learn about. But you're absolutely right. If we've got answers literally at our fingertips, what happens when that thing at our fingertips isn't there or doesn't work? We go out and we go back to basics. Like I said, with Oscar, we'll go camping and stuff and we, we've got a nice trip planned in the summer holidays, but it's, we really don't have the gadgets. We're back to that out and abouts. And the one thing I will say, and again with Oscar is it's just, is a real impact, is heartening sleeve. A bit like myself. But I remember taking him years ago, I went to Scotland and we were staying on a cabin, on a lock. And we went to open and loads of places and everywhere we went, oh, daddy, look at the scenery. Isn't Scotland beautiful? Look at the trees, look at the lakes, look at, and it was like. I was really taken aback. It was only about, oh, probably four or something at the time. Five. But even in the lakes, I love it that they take that in. But that has to be encouraged. It is you put the gadgets down, look out the window. We're gonna stop in the labor and look at this. That's why we're gonna go on the lake. We're gonna be a part of it. I don't want'em to live and experience life through a disassociated screen. And I'm not, pretending to be, the best parent in the world. I'm gonna be the best I can be. But that is one thing I feel is very important. We're always out and about. Always out and about. They are not plunked in front of a TV or a screen. In fact, we never have the TV on. Yeah. It's, yeah. Me and Oscar might watch, a movie in, in, the evening once Freddy's in bed. But, it's, and there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not saying TV's a bad thing, but I want him to share and experience time conversations. Problem solving challenges with his brother, with the world, with his daddy, and not be lost in Yeah. And that, it's hard saying turn that off. I get that. But the more you don't, the harder it's gonna get.

James: 40:28

Okay. Thank you. Cain, can you tell us what you offer and how people can get in contact?

Cain: 40:35

Yeah. I wear lots of hats. I, I do say within, kind of reason'cause I don't do everything, but all aspects of health, both physical and mental. So whether it's from rehab up to elite performance in sport. Strength conditioning personal training. I do that, although I don't really do much of the hands-on PT nutrition again for, I'm losing a few pains for holding photo shoot up to, serious health issues. But more and more over the years, focus concentration on clinical and functional medicine assessments, so that stool testing, DNA blood work and more. And then I run courses in those in pt, nutrition, first aid for mental health. And as a professional speaker, I'll speak on whatever within the area of my experience is relevant for the audience. So I cater each talk, presentation, workshop, or seminar. For the audience, be it their age, be it their size, demographics, is it three people, is it 500 people? I've spoke to small groups, I've spoke to national conferences. But yeah, it's literally give me a call and let me see if I can help. And if I can't, I probably know somebody who can'cause bit longer than the two done this for a long time. I don't wanna be a jack of all trades. I do what I'm excellent at and then I will find for you the best fit if I'm not that fit.

James: 41:52

Thank you very much, Kane.

Cain: 41:54

No problem. Thank you James. And good luck to everybody on their own journey. And remember, it's, doesn't have to, again, you, you actually said this and it was one of my slides two weeks ago. The mental health success doesn't have to be a straight line. It can be a bit jy, jaggedy, double backing on yourself, taking plum B route if you get there in the end, and it's a bit of a cliche, enjoy the journey. And we can't always, sometimes it's a complete vest, the journey, but. Keep your focus. Get a good team of people who care about you around you, which there's a lot of fake people, so that might not be easy. And invest in if it's required and it's gonna help professional help. I do like you've done with the garage, you've found a better mechanic now who've done the job properly. Yeah. Don't cook corners folks, and don't cook corners with your health because that really is the one thing you'll regret later in life when you haven't got it.

James: 42:48

Thank you.

Cain: 42:49

Thank you. Take care All.

42:52

Thanks for tuning in to Man a Quest. Find meaning if today's conversation sparked something in you, take a moment to reflect, then take a step. Remember, real growth comes from action, not just insight. If you found value in this episode, share it with a friend. Leave her a review, or reach out and let me know what resonated. Your feedback helps shape the journey we are on together. For more conversations like this, make sure to subscribe and stay connected. You can also follow me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and LinkedIn for updates, tools, and upcoming guests. Remember. It's not about having the answers. It's about daring to look.