Fear Tells Lies: Healing Anxiety & Reclaiming Joy | David "Pep" Anderson (Part 1)

In this powerful and heartfelt episode, I sit down with David Anderson—also known as Pep the Poet—to explore the many faces of fear and how it quietly shapes our lives. David shares his personal journey through anxiety, alcoholism, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome, revealing how a simple phrase—“fear tells lies”—transformed his outlook and became a guiding principle for his work in schools and communities.

We dive deep into the difference between fear and anxiety, and how our bodies often react to imagined threats as if they’re real. David opens up about childhood labels, the need for external validation, and how messages from the past can create lifelong emotional patterns—especially in men who’ve been taught to suppress their feelings.

From breathwork and grounding techniques to personifying your fear and asking “Is it happening today?”, David shares tangible tools for regulating anxiety and returning to the present moment. We also talk about inner child healing, how to spot the signs of overwhelm, and what it really means to live in the here and now.

David’s story is a moving reminder that healing is possible at any age, and that humour, playfulness, and self-compassion are essential tools on the path to transformation.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-worth, money worries, or just feeling “not enough,” this episode will speak straight to your heart.

Transcript

0:01

In today's episode, we talked about everything to do with fear, how fear tells lies, the difference between fear and anxiety, and ways you can start to overcome it today. Welcome to Man: A Quest to Find Meaning, where we help men navigate modern life, find their true purpose, and redefine manhood. I'm your host, James, and each week, inspiring guests share their journeys of overcoming fear Embracing vulnerability and finding success. From experts to everyday heroes. Get practical advice and powerful insights. Struggling with career, relationships or personal growth? We've got you covered. Join us on Man Quest to Find Meaning. Now, let's dive in.

James: 0:52

Fear tells lies. Good morning, David. Tell me more.

David: 0:58

Good morning, James. Thank you for inviting me on here. It's a real privilege. Yeah. Fear tells lies. It's it's something I heard in a meeting about, about 5, 6, 7 years ago. I can't remember. I was in my, I was in my mid fifties. I'm 60, I'll be 62 next month. So I was in my mid fifties riddled with self-centered fear and anxiety, that low self-worth that feeling of impending doom. It was just terrible. And a friend of mine come out with a statement. She's, you know what it's like fear lies. And it was a throwaway comment. But that's been the sort of the backdrop of my life for the last sort of eight years or what, I can't even remember when it was, but it's been a, a good five or six years. And since then I've written a book called Faires Lies. I go into schools and I deliver my poetry sessions to primary schools. I tell the, as well as all the funny poems I tell the children about Fair Tales lies. I've delivered keynotes to businesses and I've give workshops in secondary schools based around Fair Tales, lies. Yeah, and I can expand on that if you want me to.

James: 2:05

I know from recording podcasts that how, I don't know, each time I recorded 50 or 60 podcast episodes now, and what I noticed was in myself when I record them is that quite often I sweat a lot when I am literally about to come on. And I noticed that as well. I might go and pop the toilet three or four different times in 10 minute periods before I jump on. And yeah, I feel as though. I'm quite confident in myself and what I do and going round and meeting people, but I feel almost like sometimes your body is almost telling you that you still have that fear of inside you.

David: 2:51

Absolutely. And you're right. And I think the distinction we have to make is people use the word fear and anxiety interchangeably, but they're both very different beasts. Fear is the immediate threat of danger. For example, if you and I were going back to, prehistoric times, you and I are both caved dwellers and we going out to look for food and we're going along and we see a little squiggly Wrigley thing going along the floor. We now know it's called a snake, and it rises up and it bites you. You either die or it makes you really poorly. But as soon as that snake comes up, those feelings, you've said, your body goes into an adrenaline rush. You rise, the pupils dilate to allow more light coming in. Your your heart starts to beat faster, to pump more oxygen around your body.'cause your body, you need that good blood'cause you,'cause any moment now you've gotta fight or you've gotta fight, you've gotta run away or you've gotta fight. Our hands start sweating'cause that's where we're gonna grab weapons. People say the color drain from our face'cause it's all your blood going to your legs'cause you need to run away. And it's that and that feeling like me going to the toilet and your body, it suspends digestion basically. It's just focus on this thing in front of you. And that's why people say, oh I felt sick. It's because your body's actually stopped everything to deal with it. Now that's fear and that only lasts for a short time.'cause you can't, you couldn't live like that forever. So that's the fear of immediate danger. And that could last seconds. I'd love to know scientifically how long it lasts, but that's the fear. But then in, if you do, let's say you didn't die from the snake bite and a few months later we are going away. Every time you pass a certain bush, a certain rock, is there gonna be a snake there? But is that gonna be a snake? There are other snakes down there. Do you think? The snake's down there, and that's the anxiety because it's the, you're waiting for that fear to, you're waiting for that to happen again, and you're almost anticipating the fear. So the big distinction for our listeners is fear is the immediate threat of danger that you have to deal with. And anxiety is worrying about things happening. And most of us are absolutely tied up with anxiety. And like you said James and I've seen some of your podcasts and you've done this before and you're a seasoned professional, you're good at it. There's not a problem. But the fear, what happens if I make a mistake? What happens if I do this? What happens? What happens? What happens? What? And it's that fear.'cause you don't want to look silly. You don't wanna look, you don't wanna let your guests down. Again, what you're putting on here is on the internet forever. So if you make a fool of yourself, you think, hang on there's people in Brazil that will know I'm rubbish. You know what I mean? To and it's that anticipation of the, of looking silly, really. You know what I mean?

James: 5:47

Yeah. I can definitely relate to that because I almost think it comes down to childhood as a child. And we want to impress, we want to be loved. We want to feel worthy and good enough, and to be able to to fit in. Yeah. And so I feel as though making a mistake, whether that could be standing up in the front of a front of five other toddlers and saying something, which, oh, and then you start laughing. Yeah. Or maybe another example could be your parents. You want to make sure that your parents are always there, so you are always a good boy. Yeah. And so as soon as you're a bad boy, as soon as that one occasion, suddenly it all changes. And so I feel as though we still have this fear of what might have happened Absolutely. During our childhood, inside us now, but we, our body doesn't know a distinction between then and now.

David: 6:47

I've done a lot of work on the inner child. There's some work by a guy called Ernie Larson, and it was about the subliminal messages we get from parents as children that we don't realize we're getting because they could be talking to your auntie across the room or whatever. And it could be something might happen and your parents make a judgment because all they want to do James is protect you. Now, it could be you've gone to speak on stage at the school play and you started crying because that, on that particular thing, but then your parents have, oh I James, he's a little soul. Or Why James is really shy, or I, James doesn't like crowds, but you, that's not necessarily true. Just on that particular moment, you felt scared. But then for your parents protection thing, I'm never gonna put him on stage again. And the thing that only lasting is what you live with. You learn what you learn, your practice, what your practice you become, and what you become has consequences. So you are a little child on stage, and it could be the little boy next to you stood on your toes and you start crying, but your mom and dad think, oh, there's our James. He doesn't like crowds. So you, you'll hear this, oh, are James a sensitive little soul? He's always, ever so sensitive. He's so sensitive and it, he all has a sense of, and you read all these messages that I must be so what you live with, you learn, right? I think I'm gonna learn to be sensitive. What you learn, you practice it becoming sensitive. And what you practice, you become sensitive. And then what you become has consequences. So in the workplace, I'll be careful what you say to James. You know what he's like, he's a bit sensitive, but be careful. You know what he's like, he'll go off like a bot, the pop or he is ever so sensitive. And that's not necessarily true. That was something that was given to you. And it could be because somebody stood on your foot, but it could be, oh I, James is an angry little so and oh, I James is a creative little. But not nine times at the 10. These labels that are given to us are not always positive. I, James is a warrior. I, James is sensitive. I James doesn't like strangers. Are James a fussy eater? And these are all the things you practice. They never say I James is absolutely fantastic. Hit taking chances. Watch why James climb that tree. Be fantastic. Or why James? We never ever have that because parents love us and they want to protect us. And so yeah. Yeah, I'd urge you to look at some Ernie Las and it's it's all about the inner on, it's called the Family of Origin. And I've also done a lot of work with ACEs, adverse childhood experiences. Some of the traumas we have in childhood still haunt us to this day,

James: 9:27

but do you know Mo most podcast episodes. When we are having this conversation, the inner child healing comes up again and again and again. And so it's just an indication to us, especially men out there. Yeah, they were very, I feel as though,'cause 10 years ago or maybe 15 years ago, you mentioned in a child healing, I would've laughed at you as though we've got asig that's in a child work. It's not for us. We don't have to do it in a child work, but believe me, we do.

David: 10:05

Absolute. Can you imagine know, I haven't drank alcohol for 25 years now. We'll talk about that later. But can you imagine us being in the pub 15 years ago and the last, having a bit of banter or whatever, lad's, stop it now.'cause you're starting to offend my inner child. You'd be laughed at the pub. You know what I mean? Type of thing. But and going back to the, when I did the work on this in a child, my friend of mine, it was a friend of mine, David took me through it. He says, what'll happen? Just you become the observer in your life. You become like, it's like an out body experience and you look at your life. He said, there'll be a subliminal message you had as a child. And I looked and I thought, I was never told. I was sensitive. I was never told this. I thought, what is the message? And it just wouldn't come. And I was really, and I was trying to, I was trying to shoe on a message in, anyway me, mommy got, she was 94 and she passed away. She passed away four years ago. Are we Scottish Mommy? And she was, she loved me and she absolutely idolized me. But she'd say things like God was good son. He didn't give you any talent.'cause you're bigheaded enough as it is. Thanks mom. You know what I mean? And, but to keep you grounded and never forget the little nest you come from. Let me, I thought, what was the subliminal message my mom gave me? And ICI couldn't find it. Then the one day I, I'll explain later if you want to. I've been a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been a recovering alcoholic for the last 25 years. And I work a 12 step program and I attend my AA meeting. It's an integral part of my life. It's something I really love.'Cause we all say we went for our drinking and we stayed for our thinking. This was the'cause.'cause basically if everybody had a pint and became alcoholics it's what it does to me inside me head. But anyway, I started this AA meeting on a Wednesday night and my mom and I was doing all this family of origin stuff, the inner child looking for a subliminal message. And my mom said to me, don't forget, come and see me after the meeting. And I said, how was it? Was it good? I said, yes. Did they all praise you? That's it. Did the old praise. Yeah. I remember there was a teacher, we took a load of children away on holiday to France, the six year sixes. And when all the parents, we brought the children back and obviously the parents hadn't seen the kids for five days. Five days. And all they wanted to do was to hug their child. Mean mom said, did all the parents give you a round of applause? I said, no, mom, they weren't bothered about me. All they wanted to see was the children. And that's what it was. Praise and my mom. And the caveat to that, she always says, self praise is no praise. And to me, James, self praise is every praise. You need it. And what, even to this day now I'm 62 in August, I'll cut. I'm sitting in my di, I'll cut the lawn, and if my wife's the kitchen, I'll tap on the window and I'll point to the Lord and say, well done. You've done really good. It's like I have to be praised. I'll go into schools. I'll have 300 children bouncing one of my poems, and they're all laughing the red off. And after they've gone off, said to the teacher, was that all right? Because they'll have to say, oh yeah, that was really good, David, because then need, I need that external gratification to, to enhance my self-worth. I'm working on that. I'm 62 and I've started to realize that looking in the biggest critic and your biggest advocate is the person that's staring back from the mirror. That's the one who's mattered most of all. And it's taken me, yeah, 6 0 5 decades to realize that what I'm doing is okay, and not everybody will love what I do, but that's okay. And yeah, so it's the, there will be a subliminal message, but it's if we're going around waiting for that external, verification that, for somebody to say, you've done a good job. And that's what happens in the workplace. Sometimes we work really hard, but when our manager comes along and says, oh, you've done really well, that means you've done good. Oh, I was a teacher and I said I put on a thing once Offstead in Offstead endorsed, because it offstead said the last two offstead. I said, I was an outstanding practitioner. The one before that, the nearly failed me, but we don't talk about that one. But for the last two Teds, I was deemed to be an outstanding practitioner and my mate said, you don't need Ted to tell you that Dave, are you, do you do your best to make sure your children learn best? Do you plan your lessons well? Do you make learning fun? I said, yes, I do. He said, and that's what it is. You don't need somebody to come and tell you. But a lot of the time it's, we need that external verification. Verification, it's right word verification, people to validate validations, that we need people to validate how good we are, and we don't really, because it's an inside job.

James: 14:44

Yeah, definitely. Can you tell me about yourself?

David: 14:48

Yeah. I'm born in Scotland, 1963 Asher in Scotland. The county of Rabby Burns, the famous poet. A lot of people won't people, a lot of people don't know Robby Burns, but they'll know one of his poems in his songs'cause they singing it every year. Do you know what it is? Have you heard of Robbie Burns? No.

James: 15:07

No? No. You've never heard of

David: 15:08

Robbie Burns? No. No. Have you ever heard of the best laid plans of Mice and Men

James: 15:15

I've heard of? I'm, I think I, at school, I think I read of Mice and Men, but

David: 15:22

the best lead plans are M and men. That was from a poem from a Robbie Burns called the, o to a mouse, but you'll have heard of Robbie Burns. You cross your arms like that. You're normally drunk with a load of friends and you sing Should old Queen.

James: 15:36

Oh yeah. Robbie Burns wrote Robbie

David: 15:38

Year's Eve. Robbie Burn wrote Old Bang Z, and he comes from Assia. So I always say the two famous poets from Esha is myself and Robbie Burns. So I was born in Ssha, 1963, the youngest of five children, four big sisters. I was, I've been a prince all my life. Me mommy ruined me. My sister ruined me and me. Lovely wife's in the garden now, and she said that your sister and your mothers treat you like a prince for years. And I just took over when you were 32. So anyway, we came down to Rugeley in Staffordshire, 19 63, 64. I was eight months old. My father was a coal miner. A lot of the coal fields were closing in Scotland. So they came down to the Stafford Coalfield. So I was brought up in a beautiful it was a tough counselor estate in Rugeley growing up it was paradise to me because you had loads of mates, you went out your front door. There was always a game of football going on. There was a game of army, there was a game of hide and seek would walk up the canal. It was great, no iPads in those days. It was just you played when it got light and you went in when it was dark. And but it was a tough, it was a tough environment. You you had to be mentally tough and physically tough. But I wasn't a fighter and I wasn't good at sport, but my superpower was humor. I could make people laugh and and that's what I did. My dad's David Anderson, I was born David Anderson. So to save any confusion I always went by my middle name. Now, if my middle name is James or Peter, or Edward, that's great. My middle name's Tracy. And back in those days, it was predominantly a girl's name. So I was a little fat kid living on a tough counselor state. I wasn't good at the sport. I couldn't fight. I had four big sisters. I was a mommy's boy. I was a wimp and I had a girl's name. And so I didn't have much going for me. And I've always felt this, never, ever felt good enough. And went through the Catholic education system of the 1960s and seventies, didn't really do anything for me. I left school, went two CSE, grade four, no qualifications. And then I my first job was working in a supermarket as a butcher. That was long hours. And then I became a coal miner. Went to work at Lehor Collary, but that was cold and dirty and you had to get up in the middle of the night back into the butchers. And then I went back to Armitage Shanks, the bathrooms, the famous bathroom manufacturers. And I had to paint the inside lids of system lids. I did that for about four years. Then I went to work with young people with learning disabilities, with autism and communicational difficulties. I learned to sign, okay I'm semi proficient sign language, and then I went to work with adults learning disabilities. But this time I'm in my thir early thirties, and the job was becoming more and more like a teacher and a friend said to me, dos a favor, Dave. Go away for four years, get a degree and come and teach in my school. So I did an access course to higher education. I told my wife at the time, I said, I'm giving me job. Oh, she went, that's nice. We've got a mortgage and a child, and what you gonna do? I said, oh. So I used to work, I was working in charge at the local youth club. I worked at Morrison's. It was Safeways in those days. I delivered for Wix, the DIY people. And then I got, I did my access course of higher education. I did a three year history degree. Then I, and then I did a PGC in primary education, became a primary school teacher. Did that for 15 years, then became a deputy head teacher for the last five years. And then I was off work with anxiety and depression really, because I've always felt like that imposter. I've never felt good enough. And I was off. And while I was off some, and I've always written poems, so said, why don't you write your poems? So then, so I left five years ago and I, again, I said to Paula, I'm now going to leave my job. She said, oh my goodness. What are you gonna do now? I said I'm gonna become a writer. She says, you can't spell. And I still can't spell. And I've written five books. I've written five poetry collections. I've written two books for adults, and I've written a book called Fair Tales Lies. And then for the last five years I've gone round, I've visited nearly over 200 primary school, 200 schools, delivering either whole school poetry days, or I talk about self-centered fear and anxiety. And now I'm branching into secondary schools. Talking about overcoming fear and anxiety helping the disengaged to become reengaged and helping with transitions from year 11 to six four, or from year six to year seven, or helping with exam stress. And then, yeah, that's what I'm doing now. So I've had a varied career, a nervous breakdown, battled alcoholism and I'm 62 and I still don't know what I want to do. But yeah, I'm, I class myself as author, I think on my business card it's got author, mentor, wellbeing champion, and that, that's what I like to class myself. So a bit of a potted history of David Anderson.

James: 20:31

Quite, quite a journey. But I think one thing which stands clear is that how throughout your life you felt like a, an imposter. And you mentioned at the very end about self-centered fear. Can you tell us a little bit more about that?

David: 20:46

Yeah, the self-centered fear is that fear. It is that fearing never being good enough, fear of not being loved. And I think I've done ev, I've read every book there is to try and self-development. I've got'em all lined up on upstairs in my study. Marm mate calls it shelf help. It is, it calls'em shelf help books'cause I've got shelves full of them. But but all of them, like you said, goes back to that. Mindfulness, it goes back to gratitude. It goes back to, addressing your fears. But it's just that fear of what's gonna happen and what I'm, what I do, James, not, I'm getting a lot better now, mate. In fact, I'm getting, I'm brilliant compared to what I used to be. I, no, I no longer live in the future. I, no, I no longer live in the past. I try my best to drag myself into the present day and the present day is brilliant as I sit here today. I'm talking to my mate James on here. The sun's shining in an hour's time. A couple of hours. We'll, we'll be finished this, we'll wrap it up. My wife and I are driving to east east Midlands Airport to pick my mate up, Jane from Spain. We'll come back. I'm gonna go and meet my mate Big Al for a couple of hours. I'll come back tonight. I'll have a meal. I'm gonna go to bed early tonight. I'm up at 20 past five tomorrow morning, driving across the console to an AA meeting at seven o'clock, seven till eight. Then we're all going to Costa Coffee till nine coming back home again at half nine. Jumping into the car at 10. And my son and I are heading for Cardiff'cause we've got tickets for the first Oasis concert back. Oh, nice. And then we're going after that from Cardiff ran to Western Super Mayor with me. A great friend of mine lives with me, son's girlfriend. We're gonna have the, we're gonna have the weekend in Western Super Mayor coming back about Teton Sunday and the eight o'clock Sunday night. I'll be at the AA meeting in Rouge. I've got enough money in the bank to do that. I've got a car that's that can drive me down there. I've got fuel in the tank. I'm gonna be with my boys if I wanna buy a T-shirt the way I can afford it. If we have a meal, I can afford that and that's great. But then I start thinking, oh, what happens if I don't get any bookings in six months time? Or can you remember that booking I did three months ago where they haven't bought me? I bet they hated me. And I start trying to predict the future or try and repair the past. You can't. But when I keep myself in the here and now, my life's brilliant. And that's what self-centered fear is for me. It's about worrying about that. A friend of mine, Richard said to me once, the only trouble with impending doom, David, it's always impending. It never, ever happens. And you know yourself and some of the listeners on here, I can. But you could say 99% of the stuff that you worried about never ever happened. It never saw the light of day. But so it's just, it's dragging yourself into the here and now and just living in the, because most of us, where we are at that present moment in time, we're all quite comfortable.

James: 23:45

Yeah. Yeah. When, say, for example, something you've got, you go into a school today Yeah. But you are feeling really fearful or you have a lot of anxiety, how do you personally overcome it?

David: 23:59

Yeah. Have you seen the film Jerry Maguire with Tom Cruise?

James: 24:03

Yeah. I've seen that. Yeah.

David: 24:04

And basically he's a sports, right? Sports promoter or what do they call them? Agent. Whatever happens. All these big stars, they all leave him and he's got this one guy left and it basically but the guy keeps saying to me, he, oh, and it's a great scene. I'm with you, I'm with you. He says, show me the money. Shout, show me the money. And he's screaming down the throne, show me the money. I always think with that, show me the evidence. Oh, are you doing get Oh, pep, I'm so worried. I'm, I think I'm gonna lose my eyes. Show me the evidence, James. Yeah. No, but no. Show me the evidence. Show me the letter from the bank that said your house is being repossessed. No. You don't understand the I was supposed to do the No. Show me the evidence mate, and Oh, because I feel it's m mt. Show me the evidence. And half the time, mate, we can't show the evidence. And I say to people show me the evidence. And they can't. And one, so one thing I say to myself when I run with fear and it's hard, mate. It's really hard. I think show me the evidence. There's no evidence there. Then I'll say to myself, and it, my friend Jane that I'm picking up today from Spain, she, and she's told people in Spain, she says, Dave, the best word you ever said to me was, is it happening today? Is it happening today? Pep, I'm rude to David. I'm rude. So I let my mates call me Pep. I'm Pep the poet, and David Anderson, the speaker. So David and Pep will be interchangeably I, when I talk about myself and she'll say, Dave, the best thing you ever said to me was, is it happening today? Because you might be worried about an interview next week. Is it happening today, James? No, don't worry about it then. And it's that simple because that little sentence will drag you the here and now. Another one. How much of it in your head is real? Or how you doing Pep? I've got this interview next week. I've got this training course next week, and I know the, do you know? Definitely. Yeah, but I know the, no, you don't know what they're gonna do. Yeah, but they're gonna ask me to do this exercise, and I know you're a firefighter, but they're gonna ask me to do this. How do you know, mate? You don't know. And it's that, so is it happening today? How much in your head is real? Show me the evidence and what I do, I almost give my anxiety, I urge your listeners to do this. I give my anxiety a personality, and I do this with children. You can be caught, whatever it could be. It could be, I don't know, moaning mick or scary. So forget there's any people, what Susan, but it could be scary, Susan, or I don't know dreary Deirdre or whatever. But I give my personality, I give my fear a personality, and I call it out. And what it is, it's a coward because fears only ever attack you when you're alone or at nighttime or when you're vulnerable. When you're happy, your fears are nowhere to be found. So they look for you when you're vulnerable, then they attack you. But what I do is when I bring them out and they don't like the light of day, free us, don't I invite'em in. Come here, come and sit down. Now I wanna be in the dark. I wanna be inside your head. No. Come out in your head. Come and sit next to me. And a lot of the time they don't want to come out'cause they're cowards and and they're not real because we make them up. Yeah. So if I'm in a school, if I'm attacked with fear, and if you've got any people watching this, is it happening today? How much of in your head is real? Call it out for what it is. Show me the evidence. And a lot of the time you can't mate anything. Hang on. I'm torturing myself here, aren't I? So

James: 27:20

yeah, that makes complete sense. It's because I think some of the biggest areas that people struggle with is money.

27:28

Yeah.

James: 27:28

And relationships.

27:30

Yeah.

James: 27:31

And, people will be either worrying about. Not making payments or not having enough money for whatever they need or their relationships is going to pot. Yeah. But again, it's just asking yourself in that moment, is that truly happening? Because quite often people can almost create their new can create their own reality by thinking this stuff. And quite often it happens because they're almost rehearsing it. Rehearsing it, and they almost push themselves into it. Yeah.

David: 28:03

And they believe, and you know that saying oh, I've spent all my time clearing the records of the past. Most of us can start clearing the record of the future stuff that hasn't even happened yet. And we're starting to predict it. James, as I sit before you here today, mate, I'm far from, because this, for you, it's, I'm a human being. I'm constantly riddled with self with financial insecurity. I. My, you ask my mates that will be watching this they'll laughter every year. My, my biggest fear is losing my HI love my house and it's just, I love, I just love my house. I love my home. I'm sitting around. I've got a lovely kitchen here. I just love my house and I live in fear of losing my house. I live in fear of not having money when I'm older and I'm old now. I'm 62, but it's, but I've had that fear since I was 16. I've had that fear of money was since I was 16 and it's never, ever go away. But I have to say I, I could not go out today mate and buy a brand new four bedroom house. I could not go out today and buy a brand new convertible Bentley, but I don't think many people could really, or, but if I, in my idea of being a millionaire is when I go for a meal, I don't have to look for the cheapest thing on the menu. When I was a kid, we went out with some mates once and I was looking down, I was looking the cheapest thing.'cause that's all I could afford at the time. And also when I'm older, when I become a big man, as I used to call myself, I'm never gonna look at the cheapest thing on the menu. And to me, I, whenever I go out for a meal, I fancy t-bone steak. I have one. You know what I mean? Because I can afford and I'm blessed enough to, Paul and I went shopping yesterday. Have we got enough money to do the shopping this week? Yes. Have you got enough money to put in your car to take you down the card? If yes, can you tap me? Insurance is coming up soon. Can you do insurance? Yes. And it is, can you afford a dam? Bentley? No, because I can't. Could you buy a second home abroad at the moment? No. But can you afford to go on holiday next year? Yeah, have a save up. I a save up 50, 60 quid a week and put it to one side and don't use it. Yeah, I probably could, but it's and I know I'm blessed. I know some people, for what, slow self-worth, low income, not having the right qualifications. Some people have to work really hard on minimum wage. I'm blessed enough to, when I go out to schools, I can, I can earn a bit more than the minimum wage. But the moment I go into primary schools, but the moment with government spending cutbacks, my work in primary school's really dried up at the moment. And I've gone to this, ooh, I've started to panic. But what I've done is look forward. I'm, I've I'm starting doing one day a week supply teaching in a secondary school because I want to work with older children.'cause I want to develop some keynotes to do with self-centered fear and anxiety. And I thought so, so before it panics I start and I'm the assignment I'm doing one day a week, one day a week for the next year. Yeah, so self-centered fear, sorry, financial insecurity's always on me. But, but I know it's not real. I've got enough money for today.

James: 31:05

Then the key thing I got from that was that you, you find ways.

31:09

Yeah.

James: 31:09

So say for example, you were a bit short to buy the Bentley.

31:13

Yeah.

James: 31:14

You, if you, if that's what you really wanted, you would find ways to get it.

David: 31:19

Yeah. And I'm trying the best that I'm getting so much better. But years ago, and people probably do this when you feel bad, and people say, oh, I'm doing a bit of re retail therapy today. And it's because you go out, but you buy, I always think, how long does that, not that little dopamine rush when you go out and buy something new, buy a new book. I dunno about you, Matt. I've got a study full of books that I haven't read yet. But I buy them because it makes me feel better. But I read something the other day. It was a guy, he was a guy on Instagram. The Chinese have got a word, or the Japanese foot when you've got p books, whatever the word is, basically little treasures. They, their their little pieces of treasure that you're going to learn from very soon. And they don't see it as tattoo rubbish. They see it as invested in your future. So I forget what the word it was something like, it wasn't sudo, like the puzzle Sudoku. Yeah. It was something sounded like that. It was like Sudoku or something, but it means like little treasures waiting to be read. Yeah. So my study's full of Sudoku or whatever it's called, but I'll have to I'll have to try and get the video.

James: 32:25

Yeah. I've, I'm the same. I had so my shelves were stacked full of books, so I did sell some, yeah. Some I read and didn't, probably didn't plan to read. With regards to yourself, what are some of the signs that you have fear or anxiety for yourself?

David: 32:43

The physical things, like you say, is the sweating, is the dry mouth, the, the I always feel it's like a burning sensation that comes up. You're thinking, hang on, I'm, this is, I'm not feeling good. But then I start looking around. I think, hang on, where am I? Am I here sitting at my dining room table talking to James? Or am I six months ahead, sitting in front of me, accountant telling me I've got no money?'cause that's when I like to spend a lot of the time, or, three months ago when I should have said yes to that deal that was coming. But I didn't because it wasn't right at the time. But now I wish I had. But, so what I tend to do is when I'm, the physical things is when I'm when I'm not in the present. A friend of mine, Anne said to me once, and I didn't realize it, and she says, I. When you are really stressed per called me per, when you are stressed, your brain's going that fast. You miss out words and you don't finish off sentences. And I'm terrible for doing that. And so I would say to you, but by the way, I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk to you now and cut off the end of the sentences just in case your listeners think that the sounds cut off. But I'll say to you, oh James, I was telling you the other day about the that, when you were on about the going to Stafford and Yeah, you just, oh, fantastic. And that and then you, I've actually said, can you remember you said the other day in Stafford got that brand new shopping center? I went around there and it was absolutely fantastic. I went to m and s and I went, that's what I've said inside me. That's what I've said inside my head. But what actually comes out is I went to that shopping center, the the, the staff and the cars and that news. Yeah. It was brilliant mate. But the people look at me going out, I say, and I'll say, I haven't finished my sentence. No, you, so that's one sign that when I don't finish your, but I didn't realize it was. A friend of mine said to me, when you are stressed, you don't finish your sentences. So I don't finish my sentences. I start to up palpitations. I go to bed at night and my head's rum. Yeah. Rumination. I'm starting to play things, scenarios inside my head. That's always a good telltale sign. Yeah. And I'm just not in the present. And then I think to myself, whoa, hang on. This is gonna get outta hand again now. And I was in a very dark place eight years ago and a VI will never ever go back there. Never. And, and what I do is I put lots of boundaries in place.'cause I'll never, ever want to go back to that dark place. And I won't, I've refuse to go back there. Because yeah yeah, just those sort of things like, not being in the present moment, time, not finish my sentences off talking. I do talk fast anyway, but that nervous energy when I'm really talking, they're all telltale signs. I'm starting to get a little bit stressed. Okay.

James: 35:16

Okay. So when you notice this happening in the present moment Yeah. And you are getting a little bit fearful or anxious'cause of something that's coming up, do you have any daily practices or rituals that you partake in?

David: 35:31

Absolutely. For example the key to me and I probably sound like a broken record here, but it's about being in the present on a, I have to drag myself into the present, but me know, it's now. 11 minutes. Look up. My friend always tells me about little signs. 11.

James: 35:46

11. Boom. Welders.

David: 35:48

Yeah. My friend Lorraine, I just said to you, I'm going down to Western Superman. My friend Lorraine's beautiful, and she always tells me about four ones together. That's a sign to do with manifestation and the universe. So I did a lot of that. Yeah, that's really, and she rang me other week. I was meeting a friendship. She rang me 11 minutes past 11 and, but I think I'd already texted her and I texted her 11 minutes past 11. That's really spooky. That is. And we've got it on camera as well, which is good. It was on

James: 36:16

camera.

David: 36:17

Yeah. So what I do, and I do a lot of work, the universities, a big man. I do lots of manifestation and lots of spiritual signposts that are out there. For, but going back, if I'm anxious, I'm sitting in a room. Could be doctor surgery, it could be, I'm sitting there. Oh, the airport, it's when you've got lots of time to, in, in my brain that when I go to bed at night, my friend David always says to him when he gets up in the morning or he wakes up in the middle of the night and says, I'm glad you're awake, cold lad. We've got some real stuff we need to worry about here. And it's, and it is that, you wake in the middle of the night, James, I'm glad you're awake. How long have you got left on your passport? I bet it's gonna run out soon, isn't it? I dunno, I don't know. No. James, what would happen if your house got flooded? Oh, she was, just let me sleep. James, do you remember you were on old when you were 10. You met that glad from Liverpool. What was his sister called? She's let me, and it is that, those sort of questions that I read a thing once. It said, most nights I wake up and there's four voices in my head that constantly in my head. Three of them are, three of them are arguing. The other one's trying to work out if penguins have knees. And that's what my, that's my head. So what, when I get like that, I think, first of all, breathing is the things you have to do in the here and now are breathe. And there's different, as if you just google breathing techniques, there's hundreds of them. I just, I call it the four by four. So it's, I just, I breathe in and I can for, and then I hold it and then I breathe out, come back in and that, that, and just to sweep the breathing because, and I counting and that counting.'cause all you can think about is your breath and your counting you, it's impossible to think about your breath and your counting and your unpaid tax bill. You can't do it. So I do that. I always, we used to call it in school during lockdown the children, we had to do like lessons online. And it was the very early stages before everybody got into, getting lessons online. It was just, it was a zoom session. And for a little activity we used to have first, first defined, I said first defined, I want you to go round. You've gotta come back with a wooden spoon, with a sponge attached to it. With a elastic band. Of course, they'd run off and they'd come back with a first defined something in your wardrobe that's yellow. And of course they'd come back. So we had this first defined, and they, to these days, these kids are 16 now. And they'll say, Mr. A, remember we used to play first defined, but what I do, I play first. Defined him. When I'm in a room, when I'm worrying about the future or think how many things are in this room now? Six things that are perfectly circled. And I'm thinking right at the top of my cup, the top of this little thing here, the bottom of the tap these lights above me up, me down. Lighter is there. And the knobs on the cooker. Three things in this room that rhymed with hair chair. But what I'm doing, I'm looking at oh three things in this room that are blue your shirt top of that the microphone and the utensil part. So what I do is when I'm, because what that does is ground you in the moment. So I try a bit of breathing and then I've got, and it can be done in a doctor's waiting room. It can be done in an airport, it can be done, even in bed, just name three year friends. The name begins with s got my mate, Stevie got mate, Sarah and Sophia, who's one of the teachers that used to work. And what it does it rewires your brain.'cause you've gotta think of that. And when you, and they're quite mundane and they're not really that I important. No, the people are important, but those little activities are not important. But what you do and you're using your brain power to do that rather than trying to work out if your passports in date in the middle of the night. You know what I mean?

James: 40:01

Yeah. Yeah. I can, so let's just clarify. You mentioned about breathing and obviously as you, we all know there's mountains of material out there. And then basically bring yourself into the present moment by being aware of your present surroundings.

David: 40:18

Surroundings yeah. And what go. Absolutely. And what I've done recently, a friend of mine he sent me an ai generated picture. This was a I've got it. I've gotta say that. It was a AI generated picture. I keep saying that because people say, and this was, this isn't me, but I now you can see that he sent me that it was a big guy eating fish and chips. Since that I've actually lost two and a half stone because I've got diabetes high blood pressure. But I was eat, like I said, I put down alcohol 25 years ago and picked up sugar and sugar addiction is ano another big one for me. But what I did, I started walking. I do my 10,000 steps a day, but I live in Rouge League. We've got can chase here. We've got the canal system, we've got the national arboretum, the memorial the know the National Army Arboretum.

James: 41:14

Yeah. Yeah.

David: 41:15

Lit. I walked around Lichfield yesterday. It's beautiful. Beacon Park, the cathedral. But these are all things that I didn't notice before James, but we're surrounded by beauty and wherever you live, even if you live in the middle of a city, go around and I always urge to people to look up and sometimes you'll see the top of buildings and the ornate stonework and, or some, sometimes you'll see a little name places. I wonder why that was called There. Brewery Street, you think, oh, must have been a brewery years ago. Or, whatever. So go around and look at your b be in wherever you are, be aware of what's around you, but sometimes you have to force yourself to do that.

James: 41:53

Yeah. You,

David: 41:53

Yeah. Name things that are red, name things that are around,

James: 41:57

it's being on the motorway, so many people get so caught up in, perhaps there's a big cue. But if you start to bring yourself back into present moment and focus on what's around you, you can quite often see a lot of beauty. You mentioned, obviously this is the second recording we've done because we de we attempted on Riverside.