No One Can Live Your Life Better Than You – A Journey Into Self-Leadership | Fredah Mainah

In this powerful and soul-nourishing episode, James is joined by Fredah — educator, speaker, and creator of the Spiral Framework — for a deep, expansive conversation on self-leadership, conscious living, and reclaiming your power. Together, they explore what it really means to live your own life fully and intentionally, rather than handing your power to others or staying stuck in fear of the unknown.

Fredah shares her incredible personal journey — from growing up in post-colonial Kenya, to becoming a teacher, consultant, and global thought leader — highlighting how self-awareness, curiosity, and courage shaped her path. She introduces the concept of living life as a spiral, not a straight line, and explains how we grow through cycles of experience, reflection, and deeper wisdom.

James and Fredah also unpack key topics like resilient boundaries, intuitive decision-making, embracing change, connecting through energy, and the importance of learning how to be with yourself — not just do more.

This is an episode for anyone feeling stuck, in transition, or ready to live with more depth, presence, and authenticity. It's not just a conversation — it's a gentle invitation back to your truest self.

About Fredah:

Fredah Mainah, PhD, is a self-leadership coach, systems thinker, and founder of Rainbow-Ono Sanctuary, and SPIRAL With Fredah LLC. Dr Fredah is a thought leader examining the intersection of human coherence, technology, and modern leadership. 

Her work centers on helping individuals and institutions move from fragmentation to alignment in an increasingly complex world. On a broader level,  Dr Fredah focuses on human coherence, conscious leadership, and how individuals and societies can remain aligned in times of rapid technological and cultural change.

Transcript

0:01

In today's podcast episode, I talk with Freya Maner about self-leadership, the idea that no one can live your life better than you. We have a great conversation about embracing change and your known. We talk about her framework called The Spiral, and so much more. Welcome to Man: A Quest to Find Meaning, where we help men navigate modern life, find their true purpose, and redefine manhood. I'm your host, James, and each week, inspiring guests share their journeys of overcoming fear Embracing vulnerability and finding success. From experts to everyday heroes. Get practical advice and powerful insights. Struggling with career, relationships or personal growth? We've got you covered. Join us on Man Quest to Find Meaning. Now, let's dive in.

James 0:59

No one can live your life better than yourself. Hi, Freya. Can you explain more?

Fredah 1:06

Oh, hi James, and thank you for inviting me and for this opportunity to tell my story. I was struggling as a young person because I grew up, the, we were recovering from colonial rule, and so there was nothing, and so I saw our people rebuilding from nothing, and that's when I realized that. I can do the same for my own personal life. And that's when I realized, oh wow. This is my life. Nobody else can be me. Therefore, nobody can live this life. I am calling mine better than I can because I'm the one who is observing. I'm the one who is becoming aware. I'm the one who's feeling the pain. Nobody else can feel it, and I also realized as we were working, you would get scratches from the trees. You're cutting to rebuild, and I would get scratched. I knew that pain and I knew nobody else was feeling it, and so from that early age, I hadn't quite crafted it, but I was starting to become aware that nobody can be me. And so nobody can live my life better than myself. And so that's why I've also been teaching others to come to that realization. Your life is your life. Nobody can lead it better than you. But you can grow on it, you can improve it, you can do whatever you want with it 'cause it is your life

James 2:38

that, that makes complete sense. And I think you spoke last time about me changing the podcast to You Matter. I Matter, and it's a fact that. We are the ones responsible for ourselves. Yes. So we have to have, take accountability for our life and I think the world at its moment in time in some places isn't particularly good, but. We are the only ones that can make our life better, and sometimes I feel like people look up to others and almost give their power away, but it's almost taking our power back to ourselves and really stepping into what can I do right this moment to take me towards my goal or towards my dream?

Fredah 3:28

And you are correct James. We are, there's that collective cultural consciousness and from that place, because as humans we come to this world very helpless and we stay helpless for quite a long time. I live on a farm and I see Dearborn last week. Hopping around on its own, finding its own food. But humans, we can't do that because of that, we give our power away right from birth. And so people who have problems with power and control can, infuse their wheel on children right from that beginning point. And before you know it, by the time you're getting to age seven, you are not yourself. You are a product of your environment, of your culture, and especially their beliefs and their mindset, and then you grow up and by the time you're getting to 14, that's why most teenagers rebel, if I can speak for myself, because that's the time you start to fully come to the realization, I am me. This is my life. I need to live my life. And I need to set up what my world view is going to be. I need to set up what my beliefs are going to be about every aspect of my life, whether it is education, whether it is friends, whether it is romance, finances, jobs, careers, school. Because even when your parents are telling you go to school and work hard, they're not gonna do it. You are the one who's gonna go do it and face, even if there's a bullying school, you're the one facing that if there is an insensitive teacher, you are the one facing that. And so you get to that place and it told such an incongruent overwhelming space where you are used to being told what to do. And now here you are faced with situations why you have to make the decisions yourself. You are used to being provided for, and now here you are being told, oh, go find a job. And it's what job? I have not even been prepared enough to know what that is. And what about 10 years from now? Will that job still satisfy me? Will that job still serve me? Will that job still provide for me? We don't get taught those things. All we are being taught is grow up, eat your food, eat your greens, and grow up. But we never get prepared for life. We never get given life skills. And you know what? We are being taught at home and what we are being taught at school. Sometimes it's at loggerheads. So that is why. After I realized that nobody can live my life better than myself, I noticed also that whatever I did out of my own self direction, self-determination, I loved it. I enjoyed it even in school. So I decided, okay, I'll be self-directed. I'll be self-determined. I'll be doing things that I love and enjoy them, and then when I come home I can conform a little bit to whatever it is they need for me to conform to because I could see education was going to start giving me more freedom to think freely. That is something that is also not taught at school. To think freely, you are taught to think within the syllabus. You are taught to think within the recommended text. You are taught to, especially in countries where there's a final exam, you are taught to think about the exam right from, if you're in high school, year one of high school. Because the exam is going to be done like four years, down the line. So all you are thinking about is exam. You are not even thinking about life skills. Even if you're in sports, you are not seeing the life skills that you're getting and whatever class you're taking, you're not seeing the skills that you can get for future. You are just focusing, okay, is this coming in the exam? Such tunnel of vision, such tunnel, way of thinking. Very linear. Yet, life is not linear. What do you think?

James 7:45

Definitely not linear, but one thing that's popped to mind here was that yes, there are some scenarios that we can't control, but what we can control is how we, you can, we can control our thoughts, we could control how we respond. We can control in that scenario, how we act. And sometimes it, sometimes the acting and taking the initiative can be hard, but. Life's not easy, is it? Life's life can be hard, but it's hard for a reason I think. 'cause obviously as you are saying, life's not linear. We go in spirals with regards to life not being easy. We go through different circumstances that we might have to like relationships, but we allow ourselves to evolve, to grow, and to become better.

Fredah 8:36

Exactly, and I'm glad you bring up my framework of the spiral and the reason why, again, I came up with a spiral. I was just relating to my environment. So growing up on a farm, you notice how animals mature faster. You notice how seeds, when you plant them in the darkness, they always want to come out into the light, and then they love to spiral to grow. So I modeled my life with the nature that was just next to me, and I noticed that if like a school year, school year, if it is four years, what I learned in year one is what I'll still be learning in year four, but now in depth. So it is the same thing with my life. Whatever I notice right now, maybe this needs to be adjusted or maybe this is good. Let me keep doing that. It is self-observation because it moves like a wave. So as much as I use the word spiral, I'm talking about growth waves. And growth faces and stages because once you notice something, you are noticing it because in a previous phase you had maybe encountered it and you had less wisdom. But as you grow, year seven more wisdom, year 14 more wisdom, year 28, more wisdom like that. And people think that is linear, but it's not. 'cause you are looking back and then growing from that. And then you look back and you grow, like a spiral staircase rather than a straight staircase. Because it gives you a moment to pose. It gives you a moment to reflect. It gives you a moment to self observe and observe phenomena around you, and then learn from that, inform your life, and then keep going.

James 10:33

Yeah. So one thing I'm working on at the moment is being in my own chosen energy. So the idea that we own every moment we have unlimited thoughts. Now we can choose whether we respond to our usual thoughts or do we go for more empowering thoughts. And one thing that comes to mind today was I noticed to myself just swindling and focusing on a pa a past relationship. And that was because I'm gonna be at Christmas and New Year by myself. There's this level of sadness came over me. But then I realized that I was clicking, I was focusing on these old outdated patterns outdated thoughts now. Now that I've got the awareness of that I can choose, I chose to be in a more elevated thought stage. So rather than thinking about a past relationship, what can I focus that can bring me up? So I move my focus from there to focusing on how can I step forward with regards to how I see myself in the world, or how do I. Move my business forward, or how do I work more on my health? Or even how can I make myself with regards to spiral even better with regards to relationships.

Fredah 11:55

Perfect. Yes. And again, when it comes to relationships we tend to focus on that one relationship. Yet, we have so many other relationships, just like you said. And then when one relationship doesn't go well, relationship is also secular. It's not a sac because it's not closed, it is open, and so we are always in and out. So whatever you learn from that relationship. All the good things. You can take it not just to what we call the next relationship, but to all the relationships around you, including relationship number one, which most people miss relationship with yourself because these other relationship are like mirrors of how you are relating with yourself. So if you don't like yourself enough that. Acts because like you said, we are energy, it becomes like a magnet. That's all it'll entrain with 'cause it's a wave. So as it is waving up and down, it'll entrain with other waves that are, at the same frequency or going the same direction. But if I learn from this relationship and I pick it and I. Reflect it on myself, then it is okay, I need to appreciate myself better. I need to treat myself better. I need to communicate with myself better because that is where communication becomes from my research. It's a global problem whether we are communicating with ourselves, whether we are communicating with our families, whether we are communicating at work, it's a problem. But it stems from the way you communicate with yourself. 'cause that's the vibration that you are throwing out there. And so it goes boom and creates a, A, like a ripple effect. But it also becomes like a boomerang because what you're sending out has a way of coming back because it's a wave. And it's a pattern. And if you don't notice it and break it so that the wave moves with you, have you ever watched a team of, what do they call them? The ones who paddle together like a whole team?

James 14:17

Oh what do you call it? Con, can canoeing rowing.

Fredah 14:21

Yes. So row, row your boat, right? So here they're in their canoe. If there are six of them, and three on this side, and three on this side. They have to have a certain rev. If they don't, they can't move together, and that canoe might actually capsize and topple them all. But when we train ourselves to be like a team, how I think, how I receive and disseminate and process information, how I communicate it and how, I feel about what I'm communicating about, that becomes a whole team of me. People keep saying I'm me and myself or myself and I, but they don't quite realize what they're saying. If you can align that, then the boomerang effect will be that people who are also aligned are the ones you are drawing to yourself. And therefore, if you choose to be in a relationship, you're choosing to be in a relationship with the way we keep saying but now like energy, like frequency, like vibration, and makes life very easy. So there isn't all these, swingings or mood swings. It's aligned, it's calm, it's beautiful.

James 15:48

Yeah. I can relate to all that. Freya, can you tell us your story please?

Fredah 15:53

Oh my gosh, my story. I hope I can cut it short so that we don't last year, a whole other hour. Like I had said earlier, I was born in my country before it was free from colonial Rule, and there were many challenges and especially in my community. And we, our land had been taken away, so now we are coming from the reserve and coming back to our land. So as we are coming back to our land, our parents can already see that the future is not very easy. And like you said, life is not easy, but it is what you make of it. And so my parents looked around and said for now, there isn't much you children can do on the farm as we are preparing it for cultivation and so forth. We don't even have animals by the time we acquire animals to be able to help you. It'll take time because growth takes time, right? So they said, but there is school if any of you wants to go to school. We'll support you because at that point we weren't even allowed to go to school and many things. Let's not go far, let's just focus on my story. And so I decided, okay, instead of sitting around looking after cows and for my grandparents, I can go to school. And so I went to school and I loved it because. I was looking at all these amazing puzzles of the alphabet becoming a sentence that I can repeat and it makes sense to the other person because it's not my language. So I don't even know what I'm saying in the first place. And so from there, that's how I have learned to navigate the unknown. So to me, change unknown doesn't scare me because. That's the foundation I got since I was born. So then I went to school and I loved it. And then I started noticing that I was loving languages. I was loving reading. And then the teachers also noticed, so while they were giving everybody else one book to read, I was being given two. By the time I was in grade seven, I was, I had access to a whole cupboard of books. We didn't have libraries. They were still building, libraries in classrooms. And instead of a separate library, they would have a cupboard set, like a wardrobe kind of box. Wardrobe. And then they would have books. So I had access to all the books that were in there. So I kept reading. And then when I went to junior high school again. Because they had seen my grades in English again, I was given access, and this time there was a real library, so I was given access to the library, and while other students were limited to the times that they could go to the library and the number of books they could borrow, I wasn't limited. Anytime I went and read and finished a book, I would come back and change it and get another one, and then on Friday. I would get a whole pack, a whole bundle for the weekend, and so when everybody else is having a siesta and taking a nap, I'm hiding under my bedsheets reading a book. And so because of that, I became proficient in English faster than most. And then I went to senior high school and now only focused on languages, English and kis, Swahili. And then I started teaching those two subjects before I went to college as an untrained teacher, then went to college and got my degree. So that in a nutshell is how I ended up studying English and becoming a teacher of English and Ki Swahili in high school. So here I am now. I am a high school teacher, I can earn my own money. I feel free. And now I'm developing all these ways of thinking. I've widened my worldview. Now I even know there are other countries, and I even know the country that colonized us, where they are on the map. Stuff like that. But the best thing on that journey was what I had talked about earlier when I was younger, when I noticed about self-direction. And self-leadership where when I chose what I wanted to do, I excelled in it and I loved it. And so I kept doing that and that is how I got even promoted from being a high school teacher to now an education manager, where now I am the one training others to how to teach, how to become better, heads of departments, how to become better education managers. In summary, so I became, after that, I became a consultant for the Department of Education. So I'm training the whole country and we are consulting with our neighboring countries on the best way to the best education system to adopt for our countries. And so there was a lot of. Training even for myself to understand how to collaborate, how to negotiate, how to work together, even with people you do not know. So for me, talking to strangers, as much as they tell you, don't talk to strangers, especially in my days, my grandmother would tell me, don't talk to strangers. There's a white ghost that steals children. Stuff like that. But I learned because of going to school to talk with strangers, and so it became my. My way of life, and so there I was. Then the economy wasn't still doing very well, so I moved to Botswana for five years, and while I was there, at least I was being paid a little bit better. And then I moved from Botswana to the US in 2010. Again, for economic reasons and for my children to get better education. And so I come to the US and again, being a teacher, all I'm gravitating towards is teaching. But now because I'm a consultant and a trainer, I'm looking to teach at the university. And so I got an opportunity to teach part-time the university where my children were. And that actually made me happy because my point of coming to the US with my children was I never want to miss any of their milestones. So I was glad to be teaching at the very university where there were, I was at one point teaching at the high school where my daughter was. So there was always that connection that I wanted to keep with my children. And so I taught. Published because that's what professors do, right? Research, teach, go to the community and engage. Research, publish. So I did all that. And then, sorry. I wanted to go back to consulting. So I started to understand that the market of consulting in the US and I started my own business and now took all my experiences, crafted them into a framework that I call Spiral. And of course, with the foundation of no one can lead your life better than you, and so I focus on self-leadership and man. I also focus on small businesses to help them from my own experience what I have learned about owning a business. And so I also help other small business owners. My story in a nutshell,

James 23:59

so I said a lot that I tell lot. Couple of things I wanted to grove over. So the first thing is you talked about change and unknown. Now for a lot of people changing, a knowing is a scary place to be. How can people start to embrace that a little bit better and to really well to step into your knowing in a way that helps them to grow?

Fredah 24:25

One thing I, one thing I tell people is number one, change is already here. It's always happening. Nothing remains the same. Not even the seasons, not even the day. So might as well choose to embrace it or else it'll be boxing you right, left and center because you're not. Observing it, you are not embracing it. And then again, from my research, I found out it's not that people don't like change. After all, people love new things. Like now it's Christmas, everybody's expecting a gift or expecting something, or it's the end of the year. They're excited about 2026. So people don't really hate change. And as a consultant, I also noticed organizations don't really mind change. This is what I found out. It is the transitioning from familiar to unfamiliar that people are afraid of because they've already been here for a number of years now to move them to here. That is what the problem is. So it's not that the don't want the change, it's just that, that someone needs to build a bridge from where they are to where they need to be. And that's why I combine consultancy with coaching and training so that I can be the bridge from where they are to where they wanna be. Because I know the, I like, like I do these interviews almost every day with small businesses. They know where they are, they know where they want to be, it how to get there. And so it become the bridge and we explore because. I know people want to be different. People want to be better. They want to be better version of themselves, but they don't know how. Because of the way careers are set in a linear manner, life is set in a linear manner, and so there's this straight ladder where you have to climb so that you can keep up with the Joneses and become successful. The other thing is, what does success look for you, James? Each person should ask themselves that question. So if this is where I am and I want success, what does that look like? How do I get there? Do I need someone else to come help me so that I can unfold in this spiral of growth? Do I need that? If I do, who is that? What skills do they have? They don't even have to have a reputation. They might just be your neighbor who is better at gardening than you are, and then you talk to them over the fence and before you know it you are learning something. Because we are human beings, we are lifelong learners. So what I now say is, whatever it is, just embrace it consciously. No, this has changed. I know I need a bridge from here to there. I'm going to take one step at a time. That's all it takes after all one step at a time. And if it is tasks, it is just one task at a time. One task at a time, and before you know it, you have this massive change that you have taken in your life that is really amazing. But you will never know unless you take that one step. You will never know until you take that one fast action.

James 28:05

Yeah. Yeah. You talked about changing your worldview. Yes. And I think that was the next thing I was gonna chat about because. Quite often, especially where I live, you can get caught up in all the, just the going ons of your area. But I think when you expand your worldview. And to look a little bit deeper, other cultures, you can start to really explore the fact that actually we are sup We are already connected. Yeah, we're connected to the people in Australia, connected to the people in the us connected to Africa, to the animals, the trees. And I think from my own perspective, it's almost about surrendering. Yeah. Surrendering to that whole idea of the worldview of what's going on around you, and to listen in, I find listening internally yes. Can be a big thing.

Fredah 29:03

Yes. And when you say listening in, internally, that's what I was saying. When you are fully aligned, you will know when things are off. And you will know who to connect with and who not to connect with. Especially when you go to a networking event from the vibe that they're sending out and from the vibe you're sending out, you'll somehow mingle and connect with the right people. So that internal alignment is very, is the very core of my spiral framework, and that is why I have s for self-awareness. And P, of course, personal responsibility and accountability and I that internal alignment. And of course as we go down the A is also for alignment, but I love the R resilient boundaries because when you know yourself, you will now know, even as you're networking, what boundaries you are operating from. And so as you are broadening your worldview, you are also like countries, setting boundaries that this is going to be the person I network with. If they don't have these characteristics, I might want to venture just for curiosity, because again, we are human beings, we are curious. I don't know where they came from with that idea of curiosity killed a cat because no, that kills the curiosity even of the child. And if you let your child be curious and guided, in that curiosity, that they become even more better adjusted in life. And as a curious human being, the first being I want to be curious about is this one me. I wanna be curious about that one. And then use that as my bouncing board to understand, my environment and other people and how to connect with them. And like you're saying about being connected, I see everything else as an extension of me or as a reflection of me.

James 31:12

Yeah. Before we cover resilient boundaries, I just want to quickly. Throughout your life, you've been I see I can see you've being an avid learner and really delved into books and learn things. How can people learn better? How can they really start to, yeah. How can they start to understand the world around them? How can they start to understand themselves better by being a better learner?

Fredah 31:41

Learning has many styles and modalities so fast. Learn yourself and know what is your modality of learning. What is your framework? What is your style? What is your thinking style? So that if you are the type that learns by touch, look for skills that you know give you that. Then as you're focusing, look at what skills you are learning, because even if I'm learning to knit as I'm knitting, I'm learning coordination. Maybe I'm knitting at a, with a knitting club, and so I'm also communicating with other people. There's so many skills that people can gain from whatever it is you're doing. Problem is we are taught to use it to get a job, and then we forget. Everything else. So I always tell someone, if you want to learn anything, come with an open mind, come with a curious heart, and then come and see if you have a, a virtual box or basket. Whatever tool you need for whatever it is you're doing in your life. Wherever you are, you can find it. Communication, learn it if you're poor at it. Now go and these days you can actually go ask chat GPT, how do I communicate better? Or you can go to YouTube and find communication, self-taught or something you can teach yourself about communication, public speaking, whatever it is, cooking, whatever it is, just open-minded. Curious mind. Now with an open mind, you are going to be the one in charge of yourself. Self-leadership, again, self-directed again, self-determined again. So you are going to be the one noticing what skills you don't have and what skills you need and where to get them. So this is how I did it. So I told you I was a high school teacher. But as, as I was working, I kept noticing I'm being given so many responsibilities as a teacher and I'm not being trained. So that's how I ended up being a trainer. And then I wasn't being prepared about people and how to deal with them. That's how I took a psychology class and a communication class combined them. And it is voila. Now I know how children learn. Now I know how humans learn and so forth. So curiosity. And then don't confine yourself to a linear path of I got my degree in communication. That's all you want to talk about. That's all you want to do. Life is not just linear and one skill or one degree. Life has so many how so many degrees to offer. So learn even without certification. And then we got hooked with whatever I learn, it has to be certified. It doesn't have to be open. Learn something and it doesn't have to be validated or credited or whatever. Learn, whatever it is, put it in your basket of skills. And then in these days, once you have your degree, it is the one that when you knock on a job door. Opens the door for you. But when you get in there, now you can showcase what you know. And before you know it, you are the one who is the go-to person. You are the one being promoted. You are the one earning all the big commissions, so in a nutshell, have a curious mind. Be open-minded. Remember life skills. It's not something, sometimes you have to go to school for. Just whatever you learn, put it in your toolkit. You never know when it'll come in handy.

James 35:34

Yeah that's one thing. It's like you can be very skilled at what you enjoy doing, but if you are a business owner and you can't do marketing and sales, then you are always doomed to fail because market businesses are all to do with marketing and sales. You talked about being able to chat to anybody. That is a very important skill because quite often. People fear talking to others, maybe because they've been told not to talk to others. But also I feel sometimes there's that fear of rejection or that fear of being seen. How can people start to overcome that and to start to chat to anybody?

Fredah 36:22

Thank you for that. I, like I told you my life, I learned it. Organically, but what I teach people when it comes to communication, especially when you're talking to what people call strangers, see them as friends that you had not yet met. Because after all, even what you're now calling your best friend, BFFs, there were strangers to you at one point. So that one step, that one word, just saying hi. It's not even a long word. It's not even hard. Just say hi and then see what the other person does, so be the one taking initiative to say hi, and that's it. Just say hi. See what the other person does, and if they look at you and not say hi back now, they're afraid of something. Or they've been taught from the collective conscious not to talk to strangers and then make a joke. Make a joke about it and just say hi. If another one says hi back, it is, I'm Frida. And don't even ask them what their name is. Let them be the ones to decide whether they want to tell you their name or not. And don't take it personally. Don't take it personally. It's not rejection. Someone else has their own worldview. It's a bubble, and you are in your own bubble. Unless you open a little opening for them to get into your bubble, they're gonna stay in their bubble. And so all I do is open my bubble just a little bit, bring out my hand to say hello, or my voice to say hello, to poke their bubble. I'm still in my bubble, but I've opened it a little bit and so I'm poking yours. So life is interconnections of all sorts. It is the most people that are called strangers that have now become my business partners. And so I just learned like for instance, so I left home to go to school. What I didn't say was it was a boarding school. So I'm far away from family. I'm already talking to strangers. There might be students like me, scared the hell like me of new environment, but because we are in it together, scared together, we would in our scared way, say hi, hi from that voice of fear. Hi. Apprehension. Hi. And then before you know it, the other person has also said Hi. And then it's where are you from? Which community are you from? And the conversations beginning and before you know it, you're playing basketball or volleyball, whatever, hockey together, or you are studying for an exam together. So there is nothing to fear. It is just re, noticing. I've been socialized. Told not to speak to strangers yet these days you call Uber to take you wherever it is. That's a stranger you're talking to. You call to book Uber Eats 'cause you want some food. And DoorDash, that's a stranger you are talking to. So we talk to strangers all the time, is just that. Embrace it, make it your element and you'll be fine.

James 39:59

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's powerful. It's a, it's the one thing I start doing, especially when I'm teaching classes, is to, rather than seeing everybody as people, I start to see them as souls. Yes. And I see my souls connecting to their souls.

Fredah 40:16

Yes. Yes. That is so perfect. Because if we go back to what we were talking about being energy. I am energy. Energy has no boundaries. As much as I was talking about boundaries. Energy has no boundaries. It's only on the physical that we see boundaries. The soul has no boundaries. We are all connected, like we were saying, whether it is the animals, the plants, the people, we are connected because it is one energy, but then. It vibrates at a certain frequency called James, or a certain frequency called Frida or whoever else. And then even that is just a point of reference. An elephant doesn't know. We call it an elephant, I'm sure it calls itself something else. And then a tree with all its roots is connected to everything else, not just where it is standing. So I'm like a tree. Energy and I am connected to everything else, and therefore this business of saying, that I am, it's an illusion of being stationary. It's an illusion of being separate is an illusion. And so for me, those people that you call strangers are my best friend that I had not yet met. And so pleasure to meet them.

James 41:45

Yeah. Was it on Sunday, so I'm running a retreat to do with Dragon Energy. Connecting to Dragon. In January and Sunday we had a one day retreat where nine other facilitators took part, and so you took a 45 minute section to teach, to go with and teach others what you do, and. I took the part of doing a a meditation with Dragon a dance and then finishing off with connecting and healing the earth. But the more that I tried to think my way into trying to organize a session, the more that I resisted, and I realized that, yeah, I've got a framework. I just need to trust and connect to that energy of the dragon. And all will come through. And it did, it worked perfectly, absolutely perfectly excellent. But it's that good deal idea. It's the idea that that connection, we need to connect to that energy that we that energy that we are, that energy that we need. We are becoming that energy of that next version of ourselves because then we pull that towards us and then it comes through trusting.

Fredah 43:03

And you're right, James, because again, back to the collective conscience, we are taught not just to be individuals for whatever reason, but there are communities that live from that place of community and that we are all one. And then we've been also socialized to focus so much on the who we are. So that identity. Using their physical becomes. So what we are focused on. But like you said earlier, when you get into a classroom and you see your students, not as nurses, but as these beautiful souls that you are connected to, it changes the dynamics. It changes your mindset. It changes the whole energy. In the class, I used to tell my students that we are classmates. Because we are going to be in this room together for the next however long we are going to be learning the same content together. And when I came to America, mostly it is the students teaching me because I didn't know the American culture and so I didn't know a lot of the American history, so they were teaching me as I'm teaching them. And so it was a sharing. Of beautiful sorts, but when we are focused on who we are, that is how we start differentiating and then othering each other. And so we start on whatever is obvious or you, your pink or me and brown. That is just a point of reference. Oh, you, your James. Oh, are you your freedom? That's just a point of reference, like a tree when. It has branches. That one branch you're looking at doesn't mean it's not a tree or it's not on the tree. It is on the tree. And so we are on the tree of humans there. There's nothing else but a human race and so on. The human race it's a tree, so it has different branches. That doesn't make it any different. If it is a psych more, it's a psych. Just because one is pink and the other one is brown, or he gave, this one is already giving fruit and this one is not it. It's neither here nor there. And so we got so focused on my name is, and if someone mispronounces your name, you turn pink, because it's like, how can you mispronounce my name, so then we get focused on, features and then it's oh we are white, we are more superior. Oh we are black. We used to be more superior. And then it becomes the fighter of my house is better than yours. And then, remember Romeo and Juliet and their families and the way they used to fight. Yeah, I taught Shakespeare. I didn't even understand what that was, but somehow I taught that. So anyway, if I focus on who I am. Then it's going to be, I'm a teacher, I am a sister, I'm a woman, I am a wife, I am, I don't know what, and yet all that doesn't matter. Like rivers. I always give this example of the rivers. The rivers. We have River Nile, Amazon, whatever. Tha they all go to the ocean and lose themselves. And when you go to the beach, you do not know the water you are playing with, whether it is from the tames or from Amazon. You don't know and they don't really care, and they're in a rush to get to the ocean. Same case to us. We are always addicted to living and working and being so all over the place, but if you remember that we are energy, we are from the same source, working so hard towards the same source. Yeah, that makes sense. So when we remove the focus from who and focus on what, then we are one. Yeah. And then even biology, when we focus that we are just the human race and it's like a tree. And then we have, whether it's blue, green, yellow, or black or blue or whatever, yellow it, it doesn't matter. It's just a branch of the same tree. After all, I've never seen a human with a nose anywhere else, but right there.

James 47:20

You talked about resilient boundaries. Now boundaries is something that people struggle with. What's your definition of a boundary and how can people start to put boundaries in place?

Fredah 47:33

Alright, so let me first of all give you another analogy of the forest. So now let's assume this is the forest and these are all these trees. So even as I'm talking about boundary, it is just that maybe this is the omo, maybe this is the wattle tree. Maybe this is the avocado tree. What, whatever that is. And so with respect to each other, then man, I respect my energy and you respect yours. And then I seek permission from you. You sought permission from me and we agreed let's merge our energy today for helping the world. So I protected my energy. I am aligned. I am calm, I am peaceful. You've done the same thing. You've done that work of self-awareness, self knowing. Then now let's work together. So when we talk about boundaries, it's not like the boundaries we have of countries that we protect so much. Our energies as human beings are so fluid, it's hard to keep boundaries. However, the boundaries I'm talking about, especially resilient boundaries, that's what I call them. It's where. I have done my work, I have respected myself, and so I'm gonna treat you with that same respect. If you have not done the same, I might have to close my bubble until you learn how to respect yourself so that you can learn to protect me. But another boundary is, communication tools we might find ourselves. So self-absorbed with our communication tools. So I also set a boundary even with my phone, because I don't want a situation where I'm talking to James, my phone is ringing and I'm busy looking at it and telling James, oh, gimme a sec. No. Sometimes people don't even ask, say, gimme a sec. They just go into their phone because we have become so attached to these gadgets, so people to people, I am always open and fluid. Until I notice that someone is disrespecting my energy. And so I close and give a signal of this is how far you can come. It's like a gate. I'm not really totally closed because we are all connected. But then as a point of reference, this is how far I can allow you in until. You complete your homework. After all, this planet is like a school. We came here to learn stuff and whatever we are learning, and the best curriculum is just yourself, first and foremost. If you learnt that, then the energies will merge and we won't even need the boundaries. Sure. Because like now you and I don't even need boundaries because from the very beginning when we last talked, we realized we are one and we have so much in common.

James 50:48

Yeah. So just to clarify, say for example. There's I do my work. I've got a strong boundaries, I've got a strong self, and then somebody else approaches me who perhaps doesn't have strong, doesn't have a strong self, and almost tries to gimme some abuse. I gonna close my boundaries off and say, no, that's not okay.

Fredah 51:12

Yes, so that's where people, like coaches will teach people when and how to say no. I actually focused rather, instead of a no focus on when to say yes rather than no. Focus on when to say yes.

James 51:31

Yeah. Okay. Yes.

Fredah 51:32

So that if, for instance, you, when you asked me to come for this podcast, if this time had been blocked off, I would not have said yes.

James 51:41

Yeah. And

Fredah 51:42

then when someone recommended me to you and you looked me up. You decided to invite me because now you said yes to yourself that this is good energy for me. So resilient boundaries sometimes are not even spoken. They just understood. Therefore, when I'm seeking out to connect with people, using my definition of my boundaries, of my protecting my energy, then I'm looking for someone. When we communicate like we are communicating with you, we, we are not straining each other. We are not draining each other's energy. We are not spattering, we are not spattering and being all over the place with our energy. We are so focused. On this one lesson that we came to learn on this planet Earth, learn about yourself. Because once you learn about yourself, then you are able to say yes to more people than when you don't know yourself.

James 52:43

Yeah. But. With the guards of the podcast, I make sure that everybody who comes onto podcast, I have a 15 minute, 20 minute chat just to make sure that I'm aligned. And the, and we have a we're connected and we know what we're gonna talk about and how it's going to align and if it doesn't align, which I think I've had one person out of 90 people that hasn't aligned and they're about to say no, but. That idea, like you saying earlier, to do with energy, the people that people suggest are aligned with who I am. Exactly. And so Exactly. That's why they have to say no. Yeah.

Fredah 53:24

That is exactly how I teach exercising resilient boundaries. Because you have the choice. Yeah. So if you go to a networking event and you're looking around, you. That eye connection, fast sight, as they say, will tell you whether to say yes or no. And then remember the hi. So that's the person I'll go and say hi to because I have already seen we are aligned. And so I like your strategy of having that preselection meeting. Is it someone I am going to vibe with or someone I'm not going to vibe with, so that I can say yes or yes.

James 54:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Stay away.

Fredah 54:12

Yes. Come in.

James 54:14

I remember quite a few years ago now, but I went. Walking in the Woodlands. And I got to a point where I felt like I, I've been there quite a bit, so I know my way around most of the time and I got to this place and I was like two paths, which way do I take? And it was almost like, okay, buddy, which way do I take? And I just felt a pull. In that one direction, and it was the right way. And I think it's the same with people. If you ask yourself, okay, who do I need to speak to? And you just allow the energy or your body to pull you in that direction, I think you will quite easily find the right people.

Fredah 54:49

You. You are right. 'cause it's an energy. And as it's moving and waving and cycling, it finds a similar wave and they entrain. And now they're no longer, cycling together. Now they're entrained. Now they're one big wave. That's how collaboration and community work, yeah. I come in there with my energy, you come in with yours and then we find harmony. We find alignment and now we are one big wave. Yeah. Yeah.

James 55:22

Thank you Freya. Can you finish off by telling us, sorry, Frieda. Can you finish off by telling us how can people get in contact with you and what do you offer?

Fredah 55:33

Oh, thank you so much. I'm excited to let your audience know that I make it very easy for my, for your audience to find me. If they type spiral with frida.com, they'll find me. Spiral with frida.com and they'll find me Alternatively, go to social media, look me up using my name or go to LinkedIn using my name the way I spell it. Once you type it in. That's quite unique that I found out. It'll come up and it'll be me. But start with spiral With freedom, you'll find me. Yes.

James 56:15

Thank you, Frieda. I will put the links in the show notes oh, thank you. Every, everybody will be able to connect with you. Thank you very much. It's been a wonderful chat.

Fredah 56:27

Thank you so much, James, for inviting me and for such a great and wonderful chat. We grew and we became a bigger community now. Yes.

James 56:37

Yeah. Thank you very much.

Fredah 56:38

Thank you. All right.