92. Why Highly Sensitive Women Become People-Pleasers

You've always been the empathetic one. The supportive one. The one who just knows when something feels off in a room.

But what if some of what you've called empathy is actually your nervous system doing something completely different, something it learned to do a long time ago, just to keep you safe?

In this episode, we're unpacking the surprising connection between being a highly sensitive woman and becoming a people-pleaser, and it starts with a stress response most people have never heard of.

You probably know fight, flight, and freeze. But there's a fourth one. It's called the fawn response, and it's incredibly common in sensitive women. The tricky part? From the outside, it can look almost identical to genuine care and connection.

So how do you tell the difference between fawning and actually choosing to show up for people? There's a simple internal check that makes it surprisingly clear, and once you know it, you'll start noticing it everywhere.

This episode will also help you make sense of why so many sensitive women feel increasingly drained by patterns that used to feel totally normal, and why that shift isn't a sign something is wrong with you. It might actually be a sign that something is finally going right.

Enjoy!

Jess

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Research & Resources Mentioned

• Aron, E. N. (1997). Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and Its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.73.2.345
(Foundational research describing the Highly Sensitive Person trait.)

• Highly Sensitive Person research overview (Elaine Aron, PhD)
https://hsperson.com/research/
(Accessible summary of sensory processing sensitivity and HSP traits.)

• Walker, P. The Four Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn.
http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm
(Well-known clinical explanation of the fawn response.)

• Taylor, S. E. et al. (2000). Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: Tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight. Psychological Review.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.107.3.411
(Landmark study introducing the tend-and-befriend stress response.)

• UCLA summary of the Tend-and-Befriend response
https://www.psychology.ucla.edu/news/tend-and-befriend
(Readable overview of the research and biological mechanisms.)

• Polyvagal Institute educational resources
https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org
(Information on autonomic nervous system states, safety responses, and social engagement.)

Medical Disclaimer:

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. I am not providing medical, psychological, or nutrition therapy advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your own medical practitioner. Always seek the advice of your own medical practitioner and/or mental health