Unapologetic: My Perimenopause Truth

In this episode, I open up about my personal journey with perimenopause, ”how it caught me off guard, what it’s been teaching me, and the holistic tools I’m using to navigate this powerful transition. From shifting hormones, stubborn weight, and sleep disruptions to unexpected emotional waves, I share the raw, real moments that many women face but few talk about openly. I also dive into the practices that are helping me feel more balanced and empowered, including nutrition, movement, herbal support, nervous system regulation, and deep self-compassion. This is a season of reclamation, and I’m learning to meet it with curiosity, grace, and a commitment to honoring my body’s wisdom.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 1:20

Welcome to today's episode of Unapologetic Living. This is exclusive content for subscribers, and I am excited to welcome you here. I want to talk a little bit about perimenopause. All of a sudden, I am 47, and about a year ago, I started to notice that I was gaining a little bit of weight. has become a little bit more challenging to get off. And that's not the only thing I wanna talk about. I just wanted to share my experience with perimenopause and the different tools that I have been integrating. There is so much conflicting information out there. I cannot say that my insight is an expert opinion. I am just sharing my personal experience because I feel as though some days I've been hit by a ton of bricks. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. Gaining weight has been one of the hardest things that I have experienced. I am weighing in. I got up to around 135 pounds, which is heavier than I have ever been unpregnant. And it's... a really, um, sort of, I, you know, it was inducing a lot of fear and I'm just sharing again, my experience because you're like trucking along in life. I've been feeling good. I've always been very active. I have been, uh, consistently making efforts to take care of my body, make the healthiest food choices, exercise, manage my stress, which, you know, can be more difficult. I quit drinking alcohol two and a half years ago in October of 2022. In 2022, which is crazy to say. And, um, So it's like, okay, I've quit alcohol. I had predominantly eliminated gluten and dairy. I at times have experimented with predominantly carnivore diet, no dairy, and then it became meat and fruit. And then I've added the raw dairy back and I don't always get raw dairy, but there is a local farm where I can get non-homogenized, low-temp pasteurized milk. So if I'm in... my time crunch, and I can't get over to the farmer's market to pick up the raw milk, I will pick up this local milk from the grocery store. I spend more time outside in the sunshine. And I don't spend a lot of time doing cardio, but I do get a walk most days outside. And I wear tank tops, shorts. I don't wear sunscreen. I don't use... You know, commercial skincare products. I typically make my own with beef tallow, grass fed beef tallow that I found organic from Amazon in a big tub. I'll mix some essential oils in it. And then also I'll use coconut oil. I. very rarely use shampoo and conditioner and i find that apple cider vinegar is an excellent choice when it comes to conditioning my hair and then followed up with a little bit of pure shampoo i found something that i like and i have used aveda and again but that's very infrequent so you know all of a sudden trucking along trucking along And I felt really great at 43, 44. I was hiking up mountains. I was predominantly carnivore. I had tons of energy and, you know, building more muscle than ever. And then at 46, I feel like it kind of hit that things started to shift a little bit and what was working. was no longer working. And I say that I have to take some responsibility because my son moved home and that was an adjustment. He'd been gone for three years. And with that, I started buying groceries that I might not otherwise buy. So I did eat and indulge in foods that I may or may not have indulged in before. I think it's much easier when you're not having to create and prepare meals for people. And your family, right? And your kids, because kids are picky. Sometimes they're picky. They want this. They want that. And they want sort of, you know, mine at least want more of that comfort food. So son comes home and we start indulging in some of his favorite foods. I thought it was going to be home for a couple of weeks. So anytime he had come home before, we would go to all his favorite restaurants. We would all eat all his favorite treats. And because I want to enjoy my life with him and with you, my loved ones, I would also go and I wasn't going to be so restrictive that I didn't get to enjoy. Now that worked. But after time, he came home. So he was home for two weeks, he left for another week or so. And then he ended up coming home for another 11 months. And I started making regular family meals, which included things like gluten-free Alfredo with the milk I mentioned and raw Parmesan cheese and cream cheese. So we were eating foods that I didn't always typically make. I was making some homemade lasagna again with jovial rice noodles. So I have to acknowledge that I was overindulgent. I was making this gluten-free treat that was kind of a dessert. Well, it was a dessert. I called it the protein-packed chocolate chip banana peanut butter bar, which is delicious. And so we would make that sometimes, you know, a couple times a week. And if I'm honest, it might be three times a week. Needless to say, I could have done this any other year. And it would take about a week for my weight to fall off and for me to get back into the shape I'd been the week before. But it is no longer like that. And I just wanna bring awareness to the fact that perimenopause is real. It affects each of us differently. And for me, this has been something that I have been struggling with. And with it comes insecurity around my body, my body image issue, you know, my body image issues are resurfacing. I don't want to, you know, suggest that by any means they're gone. I feel like I am at times working harder to maintain my the weight that I desire and I'm not there. It's become more difficult for me to lose weight. I have been, you know, trying more cardio, more walks, more weight training, calorie restriction, fasting, vibration plate, Pilates, heavy weights, box jumps, you know, everything that you might see on Instagram. I am exhausted. integrating into my life. So I just wanted to mention some of the things that I am experiencing. Another thing that has come up for me is rosacea and this adult acne, which I have never had in my life. It's only on my right cheek that started to pop up last year. So the weight loss, I mean, I'm sorry, stubborn weight gain. The rosacea, I would say, uh, anxiety might be slightly up and elevated and despite not drinking. So I'm not drinking. Uh, when I would drink, I would begin to have ruminating thoughts in the middle of the night. It would keep me sleepless. Um, and, uh, And so I just want to offer my sympathy and compassion for those out there who are experiencing perimenopausal shifts. This year, I also had a cycle that went 74 days between periods. And when I started to look back over the last, I don't know, three or four years, my menstrual cycles were running 25, 26 days. And then occasionally they might run 41 days. And all my research points to this as being completely normal. I am not a medical professional. Again, just sharing my experience going in to my 47th year. I'll be curious to see how things unfold. I consistently am using castor oil packs on my belly and liver. I like, you know, I found something. I do like Queen of Thrones, but I found something on Amazon with some organic castor oil and glass that's been working great. So I tend to put that on before I go to bed. It's nice. The little kit from Amazon, Velcros. It's not the most attractive thing, but I wear that overnight while I sleep, or I might spend a little bit of time with that wrapped around my liver and belly, you with a heating pad. So, you know, I definitely would recommend experimenting with castor oil packs. I would consider removing any personal care products, hygiene products that have known chemicals or carcinogens, toxins in them. There are endocrine disruptors. I know it's not always easy to do, and it's possible that you have quite a few expensive products in your bathroom drawer or vanity that would be difficult to part with. But over time, as you begin to renew, maybe replace with something a little bit cleaner with cleaner ingredients. Looking at the quality of your water. Are you drinking enough water? The quality of your coffee. I know I enjoy my coffee every morning. It's one of my favorite parts of my morning. And so recently we've been buying purity coffee, knowing that it's mold and toxin free, heavy metal free, um, And it tastes really good. So if you have gut issues, oh, another thing like bloating, the bloating is that my digestion has been a little bit slower at times, it seems. So I've integrated some stomach acid for assistance. with digestion and some food enzymes. So I'll tend to take those with my largest meals. Again, not medical advice. These are just things that I'm integrating to help me navigate this crazy time that is perimenopause. Something else, a lot of research that I have done leads to the more fun and pleasure that you're creating in your life, the easier this transition is. And that can include self-pleasuring. and masturbation, I have definitely integrated more self-pleasure, sex, and masturbation into my life. You know, this is, you know, we really are during this perimenopause into menopause time. A great book that I read is called The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup. She's one of my favorites. Another friend just gave me the book called The New Menopause. I think her name is Dr. Marie or Mary Claire. I haven't had a chance to read that one yet, but The Wisdom of Menopause talks about how this is a time of death. It's the death of our fertility, or you could say rebirth. It's the rebirth of us as women without a menstrual cycle, without bleeding every month. It is a time for us to rebirth ourselves physically. from like nurture and caretaker of our little people or the people in our circle to really pouring all of that energy and creativity and nurturing cultivation back into ourselves so that we can go out into the world and show up with a purpose. Like for a long time, we spend taking care of other people or working to procreate and now we can shift that energy to show up into the world with new creative endeavors. And so it's very important to be creating. Although we can't create life anymore, we still have this innate almost need to create so that we can help the collective consciousness heal. Whatever that is for you, like finding your purpose is going to be really important as you move through menopause. So because right, a lot of times, if you are a mother, you've spent your time even nurturing a career, if you're not a mother, right, you've been diving into the career, but oftentimes, this is when we see, okay, this career is no longer working, I need to make a shift. I've seen it a lot of women, a lot of clients, they, they make this shift, that this particular job that allowed me to provide for my family is now no longer working for my soul. So really starting to dig deep to figure out what it is that you want to continue to offer the world once your kids are grown. OK, it's also a time when a lot of our children leave home. I have an empty nest. I'm 47. Both my kids are now out of the house. I have one that's about to get married and start his own family. you know, life and maybe family. And then I have another one who's also trying to learn to fly literally as, you know, I launch her out from my nest. So I have more time now. So we have more time because we don't have to spend all this energy, our energy, you know, Taking care of these little people or all these little details that have kept things going along the way up to now. And now we can like go within and figure out again what's next. Take care of ourselves. We have a lot more time for ourselves. We have a lot more time to do whatever it is that we want because we are no longer needed in that same way. Again, I. am really coming from a space of motherhood. But for those that don't have children, I really think about if you've been and you're going into this time, you know, is this, and maybe it's time to take an inventory to see what, is this what I want to continue with moving forward? Do I want to create something new? And what would that look like? And how can I set up the parameters needed in order to create that. What is it you're passionate about? You know, I'm also reading another great book called The Awakened Woman. Her question is, what makes, what keeps you up at night? What breaks your heart? You know, go do something that will help that. You know, if it's animals, go figure out a way to work with animals or raise money for animals or get involved doing something to help that person. stuff that breaks your heart uh you know i want people to thrive i want them to feel great well into their 70s and 80s 90s you know feeling strong and healthy and mobile like that's what i want to see it breaks my heart when i see people who can't live life fully so so we have we're losing the ability to procreate children it's not right away right there are women having babies Into their 50s sometimes. But this is the beginning of no longer being able to create life. Does not mean creativity stops. And nor should it. Oftentimes, our kids leave us, right? There might be end of relationships. You may find that because you're turning inward, relationships in your life, friendships, spouses, you know, that... Some of these relationships come to an end. They no longer work. And I don't want to say one way or another whether you should or shouldn't cut ties, but it is a time again of reflection. I heard one woman say there are no more fucks to give because you just don't have the bandwidth. And some of that really is hormonal and it's the shifts in hormones. Again, check out the wisdom of menopause. She does a really great job explaining exactly what takes place as that estrogen begins to leave. I think that's more of that nurturing hormone. You know, other hormones kind of like not replace it, but things shift and you don't have that same innate desire to do all this caretaking. Like it almost naturally happens. And then. A lot of times we lose. So it could be the death of relationships, the death of our fertility, children leaving home. And then very often in this age range, women will lose parents, loved ones, older loved ones may also die. So in a sense, there's a lot of deaths And she talks about this. This is not my idea during this time. And so it's a big transition. And it is a time to really do some soul searching and ask yourself some important questions on midlife. What is it that you want? How do you want to show up? Who am I today? Who are you today and who were you were? Like how have you evolved from who you were? What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? How do you wanna be remembered? What brings you the most fulfillment right now? Am I living in alignment with my core values? Are you living in alignment with your core values? Do you know what they are? And are they truly your values or are they the values that society and family and religious institutions in your community has placed upon you? So really getting in touch with who am I? What are my core values? How do I want to show up? Am I living the way I want to live or am I living somebody else's life? This is the time when you can now really step into your full power as a woman and What dreams or goals have you set aside that still matter to you? How do you feel in your body and what is it asking of you? You know, take a moment to listen. And ask yourself, and you might have to do this in a quiet mindfulness practice. You might do it first thing in the morning when your brain, you're not quite fully awake. You've just sort of in that slumber and that alpha theta state. You might just ask yourself, what habits or routines do I need to integrate into my life? What is my body asking? And you might get this like, Just lip of a message that says it just might just roll in real quietly that says take a walk every day in the sun at 12. Just listen. What habits and routines that you are doing regularly now are depleting you? And you got to be honest with yourself. If you're saying yes to this person to do something for them once a week and you really mean no, then you might need to regroup and just let them know. that you can no longer do that, that you need to take some time to turn back in, take care of yourself so you can better maybe show up for them in another way. How can you better support your emotional and mental health? Which relationships feel life-giving and which ones are draining you? Where do you need to set or reinforce healthy boundaries? Are you giving and receiving love in ways that feel authentic? You know, and this is going to be even physically, like in your romantic relationships, are you speaking up and asking for your sexual needs to be met? Do you know what they are? And when I mentioned pleasure, like this has been a big one, like trying to figure out and actually taking time, spending time with myself, 15, 20 minutes, sometimes an hour, just caressing myself, noticing what feels good, whether it's my fingernails, whether it's soft touch or physical, more physical, hard, pressured touch? Do I, you know, where do I like to be touched? Working with my feet, my legs, my inner thighs, my arms, my breast, taking more time to get to know all my body parts, my yoni, and just noticing what I notice, what feels good so that I can better express my needs in the bedroom. This is important, you know, or are you sharing these intimate moments with your partner where you aren't asking for what you need, or it's the same old, same old, and you want to do something different. And you aren't because you're afraid, right? Getting in touch with and maybe accepting things that don't feel good, just because you think that's what they do or don't like, like, who knows? I'm just throwing ideas out there. But are you giving and receiving love in ways that feel authentic? Are you spending time on what truly matters to you? What distractions or obligations are no longer serving you? Maybe you're spending too much time scrolling. Maybe you're spending too much time talking on the phone or driving around or tidying up. Maybe it's time to declutter so that you don't have to Clean up so often. Like there are so many different ways that distractions creep in and we aren't even always aware of them. What would I do differently? What would you do differently if you knew you had 10 more good years? Where do you feel called to grow, learn or change? Like, is there something that you want to learn? Do you want to learn how to dance? Maybe you want to learn the tango. Maybe you want to learn pottery and you want to sculpt pottery. you know, little mugs. Maybe you want to take a painting class or learn to bowl or become more strategic at your pickleball game. Whatever it is, like where do you want to learn, grow, or change? And what fears are holding you back from stepping into the next version of yourself? It's okay. In my take, reminding yourself every day that you have permission to giving yourself permission to do what you need to do to become the next best version of yourself. And what would freedom or authenticity look like in this next chapter? You know, I named my podcast an unapologetic living because I truly believe we all need to live unapologetically. And when I say that, it's not like, oh, I'm going to go screw you and I'm not going to be sorry for it. That's not what I'm saying. But I want you to be able to live in accordance with your truth. And only you know what that is. I feel like I was kind of thrown into living unapologetically, unapologetically, unapologetically, kind of young in my life. My dad had an affair and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had scoliosis surgery. And, you know, everybody kind of knew what was going on. I was the only one in my class that had divorced parents. I don't know anybody. I still none of the parents from the kids that I grew up with have divorced parents that I can think of to this day. I've met people with divorced parents, but nobody from my childhood that I can recall even has divorced parents today. So and he had this affair and it was difficult. He was also, you know, fundraising for our church. while he was having this relationship outside of our home. And he would go to church every Sunday morning at 8 a.m. And he wouldn't go with us. And then he would go to the golf course or whatever it is that he did. And I have forgiven him and embrace the gifts that I have gained from the experience I had as a child. you know, my dad has been a good provider and not always been able to show up emotionally, but he has truly done. And I have grown to know that he has truly done the best that he could. And I've, Purposely, I believe that we pick our parents and we have this experience that gives us the exact parents, siblings, relationships that we need in order to evolve our souls. So I am very grateful for the experience I had. But I was not going to sugarcoat it. I was not going to lie about it. If people asked, I was going to be completely honest about it even back then. Yep, my dad had an affair, my parents are getting divorced, and my mom had breast cancer. So it was not something that I was going to try to hide. And then a little bit later, I got pregnant at 23. I wasn't married. Things weren't going, you know, as traditional society would have it go. I was still in school. I was in my sixth year at the University of Louisville and went in there and to the admission, the guidance counselor's office. I said, I need out. I need you to help me figure out what to do. I've got six years of schooling here and I'm pregnant and I need to graduate before he's born. And they suggested they looked over my transcripts and and said, you have completed a lot of classes in religious studies and you also have a lot of Spanish. So we can help you graduate by May with a humanities degree with concentrations in religious studies and Spanish. And I said, I'll take it. That's great. Give me that. And so here I was. Completely out of traditional order as the community or society would have it. I gave birth. I wasn't married. And then I graduated. I didn't walk because my son was born four days before I graduated. It took me six years. And then after that, I continued. I got my master's degree in elementary education. I never used it. I found the Waldorf methodology. And then I had a baby who... I had it home and I also didn't vaccinate my kids. This was not an easy road because everybody in my world was doing it according to the norm. And I'm putting the norm if you can't see me in quotes, right? You grow up, you graduate high school, you go to college, you get your 40 degree, you find somebody to get married to, you have some babies, and then whatever, right? You vaccinate them, you send them to school. Well, I decided to homeschool. And so I've always wanted people to be able to live an unapologetic life in complete alignment with their truth. And I think... It's hard to get there and it becomes more difficult to get there when we're inundated with all these ideas and thoughts of what should be. So when it comes to menopause and perimenopause, we're given this opportunity to go back or to go within and and look at and take an inventory and a reflection of our lives on how things are going to move forward. And that's where I am. And I'm also seeing, you know, some of these same insecurities that I have dealt with over the years start to creep up, especially when it comes to body image issues. And with my scoliosis, which can just increasingly get worse, you know, the misalignment and, you know, I already, right, carry a little bit more weight on the left hip and around the right armpit, or it could be the opposite. And so, you know, what looks even more misaligned emotionally are things that I am tackling. And I just wanted to share with you things that I'm integrating. So daily walks, sunshine, castor oil packs, as few chemicals as possible on your skin. Of course, this also to me means changing up your cleaning products. If you haven't started to dig into that, you know, finding like vinegar water, lemon juice or essential oils, borax, making your own laundry detergent, all these different chemical and endocrine disruptors, trying to get those out to help balance those hormones, maybe adding some I mean, I've added some digestion support. I've also added what's called the life wave patch. I wear that on my back. It helps for pain. It helps for mood balancing and sleep. I quit drinking. I am trying to lift weights. regularly doing some box jumps and also some Pilates, a little bit of yoga, trying to spend a little bit more time reading and managing my stress, sitting in the infrared sauna and standing on the vibration plate. It sounds like a lot, but those are all tools that you might consider as you head into this time of life, if that's where you are and the questions that I mentioned, which I will include in the show notes below. So, um, If you want to have a copy of those, be sure to sign up for that. Click the link below that says, grab my perimenopause self-reflection questions. I hope you all have a fantastic day. Again, if you are navigating this, I look forward to hearing your experiences. I know each one of us will be experiencing things differently. And another tool, is my book, The Self-Love Leap. I love it because it does help you integrate daily little rituals and routines that I'm still using every single day. I use every one of them every single day. They don't take more than like two or three minutes, most of them, unless you're going to take a walk. or make a healthy meal. Those are just two, making a healthy meal and taking a walk. Those might take a little bit more time than two or three minutes, but most of them are two or three minutes. And then there's a place on each day, 29 days, where you can write a little bit of journal intro, some journal prompts, and gratitude journaling. and a few other things. I call that the daily lead page, just sort of giving you a tool to think about what's you know, going on in your world for that day. So I hope you all have a fantastic day. Thank you again so much for tuning in. Please share, subscribe, share this with anyone that you think might benefit. Let's not go through perimenopause alone and know that we will get through this and their support. I think it's really important that we as women come together and really start talking about this because it is, it's a, I didn't know I was going to feel like, I think part of me felt like I was never going to get here and that it wasn't a thing. But I do believe it's a thing. And I do think we can tackle it and navigate it with the correct tools. So have a good one.