EP 24 Shame: Holding Us Back

Shame: Holding Us Back
Shame is something I’ve struggled with—and I know I’m not alone. It’s that awful feeling that makes us believe we’re fundamentally flawed, not just that we’ve made a mistake, but that we are the mistake. It isolates us, eats away at our confidence, and can even impact our mental health.

I wanted to dive into this topic because shame is powerful, but it doesn’t have to control us. Let’s talk about why it’s so toxic and, more importantly, how we can break free from it.

Why Shame Is So Damaging
🔹 It Warps How We See Ourselves – Instead of thinking, “I messed up,” shame makes us believe, “I am messed up.” It’s like carrying around a label that says “not good enough.”

🔹 It Pushes Us into Isolation – When we’re ashamed, we fear judgment, so we withdraw. 

🔹 It Comes from Internalized Criticism – Sometimes, shame doesn’t even start with us. It comes from voices in our past

🔹 It’s Harder to Process Than Guilt 

🔹 It Can Have Serious Mental Health Consequences – Chronic shame is linked to depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders, and even suicidal thoughts.

Is There a Shame Epidemic?
I’ve noticed that shame feels more intense than ever, and I think a lot of it has to do with how our world operates today:

📱 Social Media Magnifies It – Everything we do feels public, and mistakes aren’t just personal anymore—they’re out there for the world to judge.

⚖️ We’re Constantly Comparing Ourselves – The pressure to have a perfect life, body, career, or relationship is overwhelming.

💬 There’s a Stigma Around Mental Health – So many of us feel ashamed for struggling when, in reality, we all go through difficult times.

🌎 Cultural & Societal Pressures Are Huge – Expectations around success, appearance, and behavior can make us feel like we’re never measuring up.

🔥 Cancel Culture & Public Shaming Are Everywhere – The fear of saying or doing the wrong thing can make people feel like they’re walking on eggshells.

How I’m Learning to Overcome Shame (And You Can Too)
I won’t pretend it’s easy, but I’ve found some things that help:

✅ Identifying the Source
  ✅ Challenging Negative Self-Talk
  ✅ Practicing Self-Compassion
  ✅ Mindfulness & Meditation
 ✅ Talking to Someone I Trust
  ✅ Seeking Professional Help
  ✅ Prioritizing Self-Care
  ✅ Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations 

Resources That Have Helped Me
📌 Therapies & Support Groups: Cognitive therapy, 12-step meetings, online communities like Women for Sobriety, journaling, and volunteering have been great tools for healing.

📺 Must-Watch: 15 Minutes of Shame (HBO/MAX) – A documentary that dives deep into public shaming.Watch here.

🎙️ Brené Brown Podcast: Vulnerability, Shame, and Bravery with Koren. Listen here.

📖 Dr. Kristin Neff on Self-Compassion: Her work has changed how I see myself. Learn more at self-compassion.org or watch her talk here.

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