The ModernZen Collective Podcast

Holiday Boundaries That Protect Your Peace

Lizzy Sutton & Nikki Sucevic Season 1 Episode 100

The holidays can be magical and messy at the same time—sparkling lights on the outside, swirling emotions on the inside. We sat down to map a kinder way through the season, one built on clear choices, compassionate boundaries, and simple practices that keep your energy steady. From the ache of grief that sneaks in between carols to the invisible labor of saying yes to every invite, we name what’s hard and share tools that make joy feel honest, not forced.

We unpack how to set boundaries that protect mental health and deepen connection: choosing which events truly matter, deciding how long you’ll stay, and creating non‑negotiable traditions that feed your soul. We also talk candidly about complex family dynamics, including estrangement and differing values, and how to design gatherings that honor your limits without abandoning love. If you tend to push through emotions until January, you’ll hear gentle ways to process in real time, so you don’t carry the weight into the new year.

You’ll learn how pre‑event journaling surfaces expectations and triggers, while post‑event pages release residue and restore clarity. We share quick “micro‑pause” resets - step outside, breathe, feel your feet - that help you re‑enter a room as the person you want to be. For those juggling kids’ concerts, work parties, and travel, we offer energy hygiene that fits real life: small rituals, big payoff. Along the way, we celebrate show milestones and preview what’s ahead as we shift into a fresh season of body care, nourishment, and grounded living.

If you’re ready to feel present instead of overextended, this conversation is your companion for a calmer, clearer holiday. Listen now, subscribe for more grounded guidance, and share this episode with someone who needs a loving permission slip to set one brave boundary today.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hi, I'm Lizzie.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'm Nikki. Together, we welcome you to the Modern Dutch Collective Podcast, a space where we explore holistic living, spiritual alignment, and personal growth.

SPEAKER_00:

Each week, we'll share conversations, practices, and wisdom to help you live with more joy, purpose, and connection.

SPEAKER_01:

Ancient Wisdom and Modern Mindfulness, we are here to help you connect, expand, and hold yourself. Let's elevate mind, body, and spirit together.

SPEAKER_00:

And now on to take Welcome to November at the Modern Zen Collective Podcast. This month, we're inviting you to prepare your whole self, mind, body, energetics, and spirit for the holiday season.

SPEAKER_01:

The holidays bring joy, connection, and celebration, but they also bring busier schedules, social dynamics, and energetic overload. That's why each week this month, we're guiding you through supportive conversations and grounding practices to help you stay centered, calm, and aligned through it all.

SPEAKER_00:

You'll hear episodes on cultivating mental clarity and emotional boundaries, honoring the body through nourishment and rest, and tending to your spiritual grounding through gratitude and purpose.

SPEAKER_01:

Plus, we're joined by Maureen McLachlan, a board-certified acupuncturist and expert in Chinese medicine for a beautiful conversation on how, as women, we can balance our energy, restore harmony through wisdom and acupuncture, herbs, and holistic living.

SPEAKER_00:

And as always, you'll find two guided practice episodes designed to help you anchor the teachings. One for grounding and protection, and one for heart-centered gratitude.

SPEAKER_01:

Wherever you're listening from, these episodes are here to help you move through the holidays with intention, connection, and inner peace. Let's step into November together. Rooted, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_00:

It can also be a little bit of a stressful time. So we're really excited to bring this series this month about really preparing your entire selves, your mind, your body, your spirit, your energetics really for this time of the year as we just spend so much time together.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, absolutely. And, you know, this time not only is the close of the year where everything moves a little quicker to get as much done as possible, whether it be family, home, work, travel for the holidays, it also can bring up emotions and triggers, especially if you've lost someone and it feels like the whole world's working around you and doing everything they've done and you are holding on to anything inside. And also just, you know, we want to talk about the self-care aspect and everything this month. You know, it's something that we talk about a lot. It's not selfish to take care of yourself first. And we want to give you, you know, our insights and our ideas of what we've done over the last few years just to reset for these times with family and with any chaos that might be around you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, Nikki brings up a really good point about how there can be a lot of emotional triggers around the holiday season that end up resurfacing, whether that's the loss of a loved one or difficulties in relationship with family. A lot of different kinds of things can come up. So that can just, it can be difficult. And while we can be with a lot of people, sometimes we can still feel alone. And it's very important for us to have some practices or some clarity around what's going on so that we can help protect our mental health, our emotional health, and still be in community with these other people we care so much about, but take care of ourselves at the self at the same time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, absolutely. Something, something that I am still working on is how to be with my grief when there's so much happiness happening around the holidays. And I do still have happiness and enjoy and love being with my friends and family. But I I do, I would say over the first few years of losing my parents, I would push through and push through and and and have fun and go to parties and everything and not really look at or process or feel the emotions inside of me. And I would kind of stack them and stack them and stack them until January, February, and then let myself feel all the emotions of grief, whether it be depression or anger or sadness or whatever it is. And I really feel inside of my body that being able to process those micro moments of grief when they come up. And the little things that can trigger us of, you know, hearing that someone you're talking to is going to dinner with their parents and everyone, they're having this big dinner for the holidays, et cetera. And that for me was triggering because my parents and I, dinner was something we loved to do. Um, so whether it be a trigger from the loss of a loved one or trigger from something else that's happening inside of you, holding on to it isn't healthy for us inside of our bodies, processing it and processing it in a way that works for you, whether that be journaling, walking, moving your energy, um, talking to someone or just feeling your emotions, just having time with yourself to feel and fully process. That's something that I've been working on to not just push through and to actually feel what comes up and give myself carve out time for myself to not overpack and overstimulate, just have time for processing anything that might be coming up during this time. And that's, you know, the the mental health aspect of all of this and taking care of yourself first so that you're not unpacking all of this baggage in January, February that you put to the side and and held on to.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that, Nikki. As someone who hasn't lost as many people close to me as others have, it's sometimes hard for me to understand how that could possibly feel. And so I really appreciate you sharing that with me and with everyone because that's the only way we can we can get a glimpse is if someone gets vulnerable with us and oh my gosh, can you hear that? That's my washing machine. That's my washing machine. Okay, sorry, people. I am in my camper now, full-time on the road, and my washing machine is absolutely crazy. And so I might I oh my god, I love it. You're screen shaking. You are shipping your computer and you're like, what's happening? You're gonna run my washing machine.

SPEAKER_01:

See, and also, you know, I'm spiritual and I believe in all things esoteric. And on the other side, I've talked about before in episodes, it's so light and funny and humorous. So I feel like that's spirit being like, okay, everything's cool, like things are fine. Like, just you know, still have fun. Like, you know?

SPEAKER_00:

Wow. Yeah, I love that. I love that. Okay. Thank you for the lightness. Thank you for the lightness on the other side. Oh, wonderful. Well, I don't know. I feel like the holidays are such a happy, joyous, wonderful time, but a lot of happiness comes with them too. It's it's so interesting because I have, you know, you know, Nikki, um, we share a lot of things with each other. We're very vulnerable with each other. And I have two younger sisters, and I haven't spoken to one of them in five years, maybe. And I think it was the holiday season when the shit hitteth the van. And it was during COVID. It was while my yoga teacher training in December over the holiday season. And that was the last time we spent any time together. And so that kind of hits me too a little bit around the holidays, how much my family dynamics have shifted because of the falling out between my sister and I over a lot of different things. COVID related is what started it all, but there's a lot of childhood trauma, you know, in there as well. So I don't want to blame it all on that. But that was the, you know, the straw that broke the camel back and our different differing viewpoints on that. So for me, that kind of it brings that up a little bit. And honestly, it has shifted how we do the holidays as family. And now Christmas, well, thank God I have my own two little babies now. Christmas is just mainly around us now. And so I don't have to like worry about being with my parents so much over Christmas anymore. But we've shifted to where we do Christmas, you know, quotation marks, air quotes Christmas um in the end of February with my parents so that we don't have to uh, you know, deal with being in the room with someone that really doesn't want to be there with you. It's I know that a lot of people still do that. They still go to family holidays when they don't speak to certain ones or they disagree so much, or there's fights or different kinds of things that happen. But I have chosen to not put myself in that situation and my family in that situation of just being in the room with someone else, even if we're not, even if we're verbally polite and pleasant to each other, it's that energetic exchange, you know, and that energy of being in the room with someone that doesn't want to be there with you. I've decided not to do that. And it has changed things. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that everything is great because if my sister wants the fourth of July and she signs up first, I don't get the fourth of July. You know, if so it's there are things, there are things that come along with that. But I will say that that is my boundary. I've I'm very clear on this right now, and that is my boundary until we have an adult discussion and air out everything ourselves privately, just her and I, that's where my boundary is. I do not want to spend time with someone that has not acknowledged my kids or anything else. So that's just my boundary. So I think I I share all this to tell you that first we need to have clarity around what we are okay with choosing for ourselves and what we are not okay with. And then we need to set a boundary. And sometimes they're very hard. They're difficult, they don't feel good. But at the end of the day, I need that to protect my mental health. I need this. I first have to have the mental clarity, the emotional clarity, and then I need to set the boundaries so that I am okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yeah. Thank thanks for being vulnerable in that too. I know that that's that's so hard because you grow up and you're young and you're kids, and then you're in adulthood and everything is so different. And and we feel in internally that a boundary with someone who's blood related is not a good thing. Uh it's just something specifically like I I know I can understand that too. And but it is still our mental health and we ebb and flow. And then these boundaries and these lessons and these things that come to us are really, you know, those, those biggest lessons for us to check check back in with ourselves and not live for someone else and and live for how we feel and how we can design. And I I love that you design now with your two kids and your husband and what Christmas looks like for you, and then what your February looks like for you, and and all of that. And also you're making new traditions for your kids so they get to be around all of these, get excited that there's something to look forward to in February and and everything like that as well. And, you know, the something we really just want to hit home on is, you know, that mental health aspect. There are lots of fun and lots of food and lots of excitement and things that goes along. But, you know, there's also hidden mental health triggers and aspects that could be happening with you. It could be the overwhelm from traveling and being around people. If you travel via flights or you travel long distances in cars, it could be, you know, uprooting your routine. Like there's things to have grace with yourself on. If you're uprooting your routine and going to someone else's house for Christmas or Thanksgiving or whatever holiday it might be that you celebrate, that triggers your nervous system as well. So it's, you know, knowing that you don't have to do it all, like Lizzie's saying, having those boundaries and the conscious choice making for how things work from you for you, and prioritizing those connections that feed you and make you feel alive and make you feel that warm, fuzzy feeling for the holidays. You know, it's rather out of obligation, it's out of excitement and gratitude and everything from that regard. I I'm very lucky that I have a big family on both sides of my mom and dad. My mom and dad are both no longer here. My mom's my aunt's no longer here, my mom's sister. I haven't had grandparents for quite some time. But for Christmas, it's a non-negotiable for me. I go home to Pennsylvania for Christmas every year. We have the longest marathon day of life, but it feeds my soul. And to me, it doesn't feel like an obligation. And that's where you only know internally what feels like it or not to you. To me, my brother and his partner, me and Kyle, we go to the first house, my dad's side, we spend four to five hours there, enjoying, having fun, catching up, laughing, seeing the kids, et cetera. And then we drive an hour and a half to the other side, my mom's side, and we spend a good five to six hours there and enjoy the time and do everything that we do for our Christmas traditions there. And although my mom and dad aren't there, I still feel the energy of both of them because I'm with their families. And that's just that's my boundary for non-negotiable with me. So Kyle and I have been together for six years. He knows that every Christmas, whether he can come or not, I'm going to Pittsburgh. And that's just something that I know feeds my soul. And so boundaries can be something for something that lights you up as well. That you know this lights you up. This is something that feeds you and that you want to, you know, keep it in your life.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that. Yes, absolutely. We don't need to see boundaries as just things we don't want to do. They're like things that we 100% are going to do. You know, don't mess with it either way. We've made our decision. This is what we're doing. I love it. I love it 100%, you know? And that's, I love the whole thing about conscious choice making that you said. It's like make an intentional, conscious decision about what you are going to show up at, how you are going to show up, and at the things you're not going to show up at. Because I know in the holiday season, especially December, well, honestly, the end of the second half of November, all the way through the end of December, it's Friendsgiving. It's Thanksgiving at the office. It's Thanksgiving with the family. It might be Thanksgiving with another family too, because you live close enough to hit up two families. You know, and then it's all the holiday parties in December. I can't even tell you it is so hard to find a free day in December to plan a party because everyone has parties every single weekend. It's Friday night, Saturday night, maybe even a Thursday, maybe even a happy hour on a Monday or a Wednesday. You know, I mean, the holiday parties just get stacked up. It's friends, it's family, it's work, it's your spouse's or your partner's work, it's your spouse or your partner's friends and family. It's like it's time six, you know. It's like I mean, it's like so much. And it can be so fun to get together with everyone. So that's why I think it's it's very important this whole conscious choice making, this that Nikki brought up, this intentional connection. Who are you intentionally going to connect with this holiday season? Instead of feeling obligated to do every single invitation that comes your way, you're gonna burn yourself out. You're gonna be exhausted. I mean, I know I would be, and I love people. So if you don't love people, like I'm one of those people that gets off on conferences. If you conferences are hard for you, yeah, we were just talking about this yesterday. If conferences are hard for you, why would you think it would be easy for you to go to three parties a week for an entire five weeks? You know, that's crazy. So just remember, you want to start 2026 feeling good, like feeling really good and ready to step into this energy of the one of these new beginnings. So let's not drain ourselves this holiday season. Let's have fun and let's go to the places and show up that give us energy, that that light us up, like Nikki said. This this beautiful, wonderful Christmas tradition that she has that just fills her up and gives her so much love and connection from her family. Like, think about that when you're thinking about what you're saying yes or no to. And maybe you do go to some more things than you normally would, but maybe you set a boundary of how long you're gonna be there. Or the kind or the people at that event that you're going to spend your time with, the conversations you're going to have, you know, and then you leave when it's that time. Maybe you set a timer. I'm not sure. What feels good for you? It can be different for all of us.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, absolutely. Because the calendar can get so stacked with things and things come out of left field. And I don't have children. Lizzie has children, but if your children are in school or anything, there's also a layer and layer and layer of other things that are going on during that time. I haven't even gotten, I didn't even think about that. That's crazy. Oh my gosh. My friends here that have kids, ever, there's so much. There's the Christmas concert, there's the holiday concert, there's, you know, their own little Thanksgiving at school, there's all there's these theme days, you know, all of all of the things that go on. So there is a lot. And, you know, especially as women, we could take on the energetic overload for the household, for even, you know, those that are closest to us that might not live with us, just to, you know, show up and and make sure that we're present. And you know, just to reiterate, we want you to take care of yourself first and to understand what serves you, doesn't serve you, and and carve out that time for you in the way that is magnetic for you so that you can end and close this numerology year nine, the year of endings, the year of closes, to move and launch, like Lizzie said, into the one. And we want to leave you with some practices and tools to help you in this way as we, as we enjoy doing ourselves, to help you for these events, for this energy, for you know, this really hurry up and hurry up and hurry up and hurry up and go. And then all of a sudden we're in the middle of January and it's winter where where we live and what's going on, there's everything's moving a little slower and things are dark. So, to help you in this way, um, some of the ways and tools to help you practice, I mentioned before journaling. And journaling can be the simplest thing you do, or it can be complex. You decide what you want to do. The thing with journaling is you are bringing out anything inside of you and energetically releasing it by putting pen to paper so that it releases out of your energy. So journaling might seem as you know, something that you put to the side, not as important, doesn't really do anything for me. But the simple act of writing things out and letting that energetic release happen from your body is a gift to yourself and who can journal after an event. Uh, and something that Lizzie and I found, we actually talked about this last year during one of our podcast episodes, is journaling before your events, journaling the clarity for what are your boundaries, what are you excited about? What do you feel? What's coming up? What triggers are happening to get ahead of it and journal it out to release and fully embody the energy, the energetics of where you are going for your event.

SPEAKER_00:

It's such a great reminder. We all know journaling is great. So it's it's great to have a reminder to do it. And I actually just bought that's so funny that we're talking about this. Literally just bought my new journal the other day. Um, because I I killed the last one. It's over, it's all the pages are filled out. It might have taken me two years to do it, but it's complete. And uh we did it. And so it's a really good reminder that it it can be so beneficial before or afterwards, just to get that release, get that mental clarity. I can't even tell you how many things I have I have had issues where I'm just writing about them and writing it out at the end of the page has a freaking solution. And I never would have got there if I would have just sat here and thought about it. But the the pure act of writing it out and just having the flow, and only the thing is that people always get hung up on is well, I think faster than I write. Well, duh, we all do. It is not only the important stuff ends up on the paper, and that's not for you to decide what's important. It will come out of your hand onto the paper the way that it's supposed to. So don't be worrying about getting every single thought, just let it flow and let it run. And you'd be so surprised at what happens, the clarity that you can receive at the bottom of that page. So I just great reminder, Nikki. I freaking love that. I love it so much. And then one thing that I want to bring up is that those pauses, you know, that Nikki spoke about in the very beginning of the episode. Taking a moment to stab away, to be by yourself, and just take a few breaths. You can do that at home, you know, just through your day. But one thing that I'd like to challenge you to do is when you're actually at an event, when you're with your family, when you're with your friends, when you're out and about, you're just starting to feel a little overwhelmed, or maybe your energy isn't quite what you want it to be. Maybe you're wanting to show up in one way, but you're feeling a little bit frazzled or a little bit off, or a little bit not like you're wanting to be in that moment. Go to the bathroom or go to your car. Maybe you forgot, you know, air quotes, something in your car. You know, maybe you forgot something in your car, or maybe go to the bathroom, or maybe step outside and take a moment to just breathe, ground, and reset yourself before you step back in. Because I can tell you, when you show up in a room energetically, in a way that you want to show up, you will draw the people that you need to speak with that night to you. And they will just come to you. You'll catch eyes, you'll smile, they'll walk over to you. It's just going to flow in the way that's gonna serve you the best. So I would say I have noticed that for myself. I went to Phoenix last week for a week, and I'll tell you every morning I I set my energy and it I met all the people in a room of 200. I probably only met 30 people, but I really met 30 people and I met 30 people that I needed to meet. So I can just say, like, it's it can be very important to take these pauses in that moment. If you need one, excuse yourself. It's totally fine. They'll just go and talk to someone else for a while.

SPEAKER_01:

No, that's such a beautiful reminder because having that grounded nature, grounded energy inside of you, before we do anything, anything of importance, anything throughout our day, you know, even goes back to that morning routine of just giving yourself time just for you, before you look at your phone, your email, listen to anything, et cetera. You know, love yourself first and be with yourself first and be okay being with yourself because, you know, there's dopamine everywhere, there's things happening all over the world. And if we can't sit with ourselves, everything that's all around us is going to impact us on a bigger level. So when we can be and sit with ourselves, whether it's three minutes in a bathroom when you're somewhere or grounding yourself before you go, or your morning or evening routine, does so much for our inner, inner peace, our mental health, our wellness, you know, so, so much just from these simple yet powerful practices, you know, journaling, that mental connection of just releasing it all and being with yourself. And it's it's a beautiful practice to have, just to be grounded. And it also helps you to sever any energy from something else before you move into the new energy. You are releasing something from whatever else happened and not bringing that into what's going on now.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love that. I've heard um one of my mentors, uh Darren Hardy, who's more like professional development kind of thing, you know, very, you know, very masculine. But one thing that I do love that he always said is to clear the calculator. And he would say that in between meetings or when he was moving from one thing to the next, you know, for efficiency and productivity reasons, clearing the calculator or clearing your mind. Like finish up what you're doing, close it out, clear it, and now you can move on to the next thing. Clear, ready to go, whatever you're about to do. So I think, you know, that's a very masculine way of looking at it, but it's it's the same thing, you know, clearing the energy, finishing what you're doing, letting everything out, and now stepping into what you're ready to step into in the way that you want to step into it. So, really, like this whole thing is about mindset, making sure you're very clear how you want to show up, what boundaries, what are your boundaries, both good and difficult. Where, where do they lie? So, this week we really want to challenge you to choose one thing, one boundary that you're gonna hold. It could be something like, this is how I'm going to show up when I show up to these things. It could be something, this is the amount of time I have to give to this person. It could be something like Nikki's thing. I am so excited to go to this. I am going to this and I'm gonna stay as long as I want. You know, it could be it could be anything. Just choose one thing and try it out. See how you feel at the end of the week, just holding to that one boundary.

SPEAKER_01:

Love that. Yeah, holding to that boundary, whatever it means for you. What does that mean for you? It's different for all of us. And we hope this episode gave you that grounded connection, you know, that sense of inner peace. We all have access to it, and creating that space in your calendar, that space and time just for you, really helps you to feel that inner peace, that inner connection so that you can then do the things you love, serve others, help others, but also take care of yourself first. And that's why we have this whole episode arc this November to help you with your journey as you're going through everything with the holidays, closing out the year, whether it be school, work, family, home, travel, all of it. There's a lot that's condensed into just a few months, and then it feels like a release when we get into January. And we have a lot of other episodes coming up. We have a great episode that is a beautiful episode on 1111. Want to talk about it, Lizzie?

SPEAKER_00:

Season two is officially starting at 1111. We, Nikki and I can't even believe it, you guys. It has been one year since we launched 1111, 2024, three days before my daughter decided to emerge Earthside, and we have done one. 100 episodes in one year and was not planned. Some months we did 11. Some months we did six. Some months, I'm telling you, it's all we were trying to figure out what made the most sense for us. You know, we are all about trying something out and then changing it as soon as we realize it's not quite right. So we made a lot of changes. Yes, we are master pivoters. I will say that. And somehow, our next episode on 1111, all about the body, taking care of your body, nourishing and grounding, is going to be episode 101. And it happened to fall on 1111 this year that we were going to release one. We didn't even plan that either, everybody. I'm telling you, it's so perfect. It's magical. Like our word for the year, Nikki, it's just magical.

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm. Magical. And it was us following our pings, our intuition, the energy that we were feeling to release what no longer served us, what we knew, pivot, and then move forward into what we saw was the right path for us. And it's all about following that inner path. And that's what we did. So it all worked out seamlessly, effortlessly here that we have this beautiful month of November launching into our season two, having our hundredth episode, tipping into our 101 to get to season two. And it's just absolutely beautiful. So we thank you all for listening, staying with us, enjoying the conversations, you know, being part of the community. It fills our hearts with so much joy and is something that we truly, truly love to do, love to be around and just love to explore and learn new things and talk with all of you about everything we learned.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Ditto. What she said.

unknown:

What she said.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks everyone for sticking with us for another episode and closing out our season one here. We're so happy to have you in our lives. So thank you so much, and we will see you on the next episode.

SPEAKER_01:

See you next time. Thanks, everyone.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you so much for spending time with us on the Modern Zen Collective Podcast. This podcast is at the heart of everything that we do, created to guide, inspire, and walk alongside you on your journey. If you're ready for more, explore our Practitioner Collective, a trusted resource of experts in healing and wellness to help you deepen your practice or fast track transformation. And be sure to join our email community to get first access to new offerings, challenges, and exclusive wisdom. You'll find all the links in the show notes. And until next time, keep trusting your past and honoring your unfolding.

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