From Silent Messages To Strong Boundaries: How Women Reclaim Voice, Value, And Connection

Ever felt yourself shrink in a relationship even while you’re thriving at work? We dig into the hidden scripts that push women to overgive, stay likable at all costs, and walk on eggshells—and we show how to replace those scripts with boundaries, evidence, and dialogue that actually connect.

Psychoanalyst and couples therapist Dr. Kerry O’Reilly joins us to name the silent messages many of us absorbed as girls: be agreeable, don’t be too much, earn approval to feel safe. Those messages harden into beliefs like I’m not enough or If I speak up, I’ll be left. Kerry explains why self-help tips don’t stick when the underlying belief is faulty, and she introduces the ABCDE method for challenging old stories with real-life proof. We talk about how cultural noise targets women in power, how approval addiction sneaks into love, and why generosity without balance becomes overfunctioning that drains desire.

We also map practical steps for change at home. Think 50-yard-line teamwork, not tit for tat; clear asks rooted in longing, not criticism; and structured conversation that moves couples from monologue to dialogue. As we trade mind reading for curiosity, perspective becomes visible, empathy grows, and conflict softens. You’ll hear how partners can learn measured risk and steadiness from each other, and how updating beliefs lowers anxiety and raises presence across every relationship—romantic, family, work, and self.

If you’re ready to stop dimming your light and start feeling seen, heard, and valued, this one’s for you. Listen, try the ABCDE exercise, and practice one small boundary this week. Then share your takeaways, subscribe for more Relationship Blueprint, and leave a review to help others find the show.

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Hi, everybody, and welcome back to the Relationship Blueprint where you unlock your power of connection. And I'm so excited to be with you today. I've had so much fun coming back to the podcasting. I've missed you all. We're in 542 cities now, 52 countries. So we know that the message needs to be heard, that many of us are really struggling with relationships worldwide. And sometimes our relationship with ourselves is the one that we need to focus on. And that's why I've invited Dr. Carrie O'Reilly. And uh, she is a psychoanalyst, a couples therapist, um, really focusing on attachment and early trauma. She is a CEO and coach. She's the founder of Women Need Connection. So true. And she's based in Atlantic, Canada, and former television professional. So she's gonna be very comfortable in this time.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

It's been years since I've actually done anything on camera. And boy, oh boy, you really have to practice.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yeah. Well, I stopped practicing because you know what? It was driving me crazy. So now what you see is what you get.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Oh, good for you. Well, in actual fact, and probably it increases connection because you're so much more authentic than rehearsed.

Silent Messages Shaping Women’s Beliefs

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah. And really like letting, I really want my listeners to know that I'm a human being. And if anybody has watched Shrinking, although it's a comedy, and that's not exactly how therapists act. Therapists do go through our own struggles and we need connection. And Carrie and I connected in Krapalu in Massachusetts. We were both assisting Harville Hendricks in one of his amazing workshops. Getting to watch The Master Teach was quite uh an event for me. I learned a lot. So I want to just get our listeners sort of in the mindset, you know, do I need this podcast? What can I learn? If you're ever walking on eggshells in your home, in your relationship, and then you this might be for you. If you wonder why so many capable women still feel unseen, unheard, undervalued, this episode's for you. If you find that yourself overfunctioning, overgiving in your relationship, and then not really caring about intimacy, this is for you. What's the difference between being generous with your loving and then overfunctioning? How do we differentiate between the two? Because some of us never learned that. And what changes in the relationship when a woman stops silencing herself? So without further ado, I want to introduce you to Dr. Carrie O'Reilly. Do you want to be called Carrie or Dr. O'Reilly today?

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Carrie's just fine. Great. Actually, you know what? Most people in my hemisphere call me Dr. O, but you know, Carrie is just fine. Could be a commercial, Coco and Carrie, Carrie and Coco.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

It's a great podcast. There you go. Tell me if there's anything in the intro that I'd left out that you'd like to share with our listeners.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

No, I think you covered it all. And uh what I think is so important is for women to understand that the traits that you just discussed, whether it's silencing your voice or walking on eggshells, isn't a weakness. It's the way that we have been brought up. It's the silent messages we all received as little girls growing up, both culturally and from our families of origin. And I think that a lot of women worry that there's something wrong with them when in actual fact there's nothing wrong with them. It's just that they internalized all these silent messages until they stopped questioning why they were doing what they were doing.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yeah, so what you're highlighting is that we don't have to really shame ourselves. Why do I do this? It's more of a recognition of, wow, I I received these silent messages. And I love that term because sometimes when I ask people what messages did you receive from your parents, they're like, my parents never, you know, but really that that's that silent message is a great uh term because we internalize it, as you said, and and that these messages may be unintended.

Cultural Reinforcement And Approval Addiction

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Absolutely. A lot of them are unintended, and I'm sure, you know, it's certainly not but about blaming our parents, but I think some of them would be horrified to think that what they said that their children internalized in a way that is now hampering them. Because what ends up happening is those silent messages become our belief systems. And that's where it all begins. When we can change our belief system, we can change everything else in our life. But as long as our belief system is faulty or outdated, it's very hard to take a self-help book and do the things that they recommend because it's treating the symptom instead of the cause.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

So Carrie, I love what you're saying. And I also just wanted to maybe probe a little bit more into you know these silent messages. Um I think that's such a lovely phrase. That I know as a parent that sometimes, especially with our youngest daughter, she looks at me and she knows what I'm thinking. So so much of it is not what we've said, but you know, maybe fear fear can look like judgment. So I'm keenly aware of that when I'm in fear, even as she's a beautiful adult thriving in this world, that sometimes mom can make a face that maybe I'm scared about something for her, and she has a reaction because we're so intimate that she reads judgment. It's it's those things that we don't, they're very nuanced, but until we're really conscious, even as parents, what messages do I want to give?

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Exactly. And then when we go out in the world culturally, those messages are being reinforced. You know, when you think about women in power positions, a lot of times they're not very well supported. People dislike them, and ironically, and sadly, that when they do studies on this, that women in positions of power are disapproved upon by other women.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Absolutely. I was thinking about that with uh Hillary Clinton and her pantsuit. I just, you know, it sat with me for so long about does anybody talk about Biden's pants? Or, you know, it's just they don't. You know, why is Donald Trump always wearing a blue suit? Like nobody talks about it because it's really not meaningful, really. And but yet women get criticized a lot by women.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

They do, unfortunately. But think about it for a second. Women are taught to be critical of other women. So that's one of the silent messages as well, because culturally we receive the messages that start at about the time we're 11 years old that we can process them, that we should in lots of ways be seen but not heard. And what I mean by that is that we're supposed to be likable, agreeable, easy to get along with. And what that creates is the approval addiction. So rather than us developing our own sense of approval internally, we're taught in lots of ways to look for it on the outside.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

That's so poignant. Yeah, and I'm also wondering, you know, you said likable and agreeable, and I would maybe add not too smart. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Yeah, and I remember my niece when she's 15, she's a Mensa student, and I was listening to her with her boyfriend, and I was thinking to myself, good Lord, who is that? And she was really frank with me afterwards and said, Oh yeah, no, I have to dumb myself down. If the guys knew how smart I was, no one would want to date me.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Carrie, I remember making that decision in eighth grade.

unknown 9:15

Wow.

Too Much Or Not Enough

SPEAKER_01 9:16

I remember saying to myself, everybody looks at me strangely when I add my perspective, which was not mensa, by the way, but it was often a creative way of looking at a situation from a different lens. And it was not well received. Remember at that age, right? Everything is about belonging and your peer group to approve of you and accept you. And I remember thinking, this isn't this isn't gonna work here. I can't do this. And then later going to a all women's Catholic college, believe it or not, that was one of the most expanding experiences because we didn't care how you looked, you rolled out of bed, you went to class, you could raise your hand as much as you want, you could be smart, and it was freedom, really, to be able to speak your mind.

Updating Faulty Belief Systems

SPEAKER_02 10:09

And of course, there was no competition with the boys. So everyone could be themselves. But you know, the saddest part is we don't really realize that we internalize these messages. But the messages, if I tell you things like, I'm not enough, I don't matter, I'm not lovable, I'm too much. So many women grow up with that belief system, including myself, which, you know, when I first started putting together this course, the reason I did it is because as a therapist, I kept noticing that the women who were often professionally really successful didn't seem to have that same confidence in their relationships. And I felt like, wow, if we don't get to the root of this, how do we expect them to be able to grow in their relationships? So it was funny, I was at a conference, and one of the things that they were talking about is telling your story. And I figured out my story started when I was about 20. But during the conference, they said, What I'd like you to do now is write your story. And I started writing, and it wasn't the story I thought I was going to tell at all. And it was the story of a little girl that was about four or five who was full of love and full of life. I think some people might call it precocious and extroverted, but she was always being told to tone it down. And I grew up thinking I was too much, and that in every social, professional situation, I needed to tone it down. And I never realized until literally a few months ago that I too had received a silent message that I was unaware of. And it's really been helpful because while, you know, I was in psychoanalysis to get my doctorate as a psychoanalyst, I don't think we'd ever put it into such simple words. I often think I need to tone it down so I'm not too much. And if you think of it, the other side of the coin is I'm not enough, right? Either way, what you're doing is you're silencing yourself, you're going along with the flow because you don't want to rock the boat. And thankfully, I've come to realize that none of us is too little or too much. It's more that we need to be sensitive to our audience. So, just to give you an idea, like my cousin's an extrovert. When she comes to visit, we wake up in the morning and it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? But I can't do that at home until my spouse has a cup of coffee. So what I'm saying is that if we're sensitive to the fact that not everybody can handle things at the same time and with the same level of enthusiasm, we don't have to change ourselves. We just have to know who is our audience. And of course, diplomats do it all the time, good world leaders do it all the time, and it's about just being aware of other people's sensitivities, but not changing who you are and the essence of what gives you joy just because it may not, you know, fall the way someone else wants it to. And that is what I am trying to get women to understand, that they are just fine the way they are.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

You know, when you were saying that, I was thinking about differentiation and how much we strive in our work to help couples realize that their difference is really paths to reclaiming parts of themselves. And as you're saying that, I'm thinking about my own story and how I got a very clear message that no one said verbally that risks were bad. Don't take risks. And it wasn't until my 50s where I reclaimed that part of myself. I mean, literally, I would have had the first dollar that I ever made framed on the wall. I was so sensitive around financial insecurity. So don't take risks. And it's because I saw risk taking in my home as pretty scary. It didn't, it sometimes looked like we had money, and then other times it was like we didn't have money for food. So that mixed message around money just created such a fear and in my belief system, going back to your point, that taking risks is bad. So I just won't do that. Never thinking, what about a measured risk? What would that look like? And it's and my husband was the one who helped me grow that part of me because he's he's on the Berkman chart as 99th percentile and risk taking an ammo number one.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Well, what does Imago say that the partners we choose are there to help us heal our childhood wounds? And there you have it. But you know, one of the big things that women will ask me is, well, that's great, Dr. O'Reilly, but how do I do that? And, you know, that's a really valid question because it's okay, you can't just say to yourself, well, I'm not too much, right? Too bad. I am the way I am, because that is not growing either. It's sort of changing one fixed mindset for another. And I think that that is the most important part is showing women, teaching women a step-by-step process to grow out of the old story and into a more accurate story about who they are now.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

I really, I love this conversation because one of the things I do in my office with, especially women, is this is your belief system. So right here, and no one's questioning it, this is for you. Do you believe it's true and accurate? And do you want to keep it? Or is there something about that that is faulty? Is there something about that that you know now, but not as a little girl, that just no longer is true and it probably wasn't true then? And that that idea that you're talking about until you change the belief system, not much is going to change, even with all the brilliance that you're bringing to the table. But so how do people begin to change that system? What's your strategy to help people that are listening just say, wow, I didn't, I was, I am aware that I I dumb it down or I I don't really share my ideas when people are talking at a dinner party? Where do they start, really?

Where To Start Without A Therapist

SPEAKER_02 17:07

Well, I think first they have to recognize that they're doing it, that sometimes they even make their belief system stronger by falling into these patterns that support a negative belief system. So I think the first part is awareness. And then, as you said, questioning those belief systems and the assumptions that go with the belief systems. So, you know, is this really accurate, as you said? Was this accurate 10 years ago, but maybe it's not accurate anymore? And as you said as well, was it ever accurate? But that's just the starting point. Because in order to change a belief system, being a cheerleader doesn't work. You know, being a coach with positivity doesn't work. What you have to show these women through different terms, for want of another word, is that you have to show them the experiences in their own lives that disprove the belief system. And so that part of that is amplifying who they are. And what I mean by not being a cheerleader is, I mean, I can turn around and say, oh, Coco, you know, you don't need to worry about taking risks, right? Right. But that's great, that's positive affirmation. But you're gonna go, yeah, what am I gonna do with that? Because deep down, I'm afraid of taking risks. So what you have to do is go with them into their history looking for the instances, real life instances, where they actually disproved their own belief system and make them aware of it to begin with. Like I've had a person in my course who was afraid of being too weak in her relationships. And I said, you know, I helped her see that she was very strong in other aspects of her life. I mean, this was a woman who cycled across South America and Africa by herself. And when I got her to speak about what it was like to be a woman cycling by herself in these two countries, the first thing she was talking about was, well, you have to be very aware. You have to be alert, you have to be present, you know. And I said, so that kind of flies in the face of believing that you're weak. And she was kind of surprised by that. And what I'm saying is that's where you start, where you find the assumptions that they've made about themselves that they can disprove by their own life experiences. And that's the beginning place.

ABCDE Method For Challenging Beliefs

SPEAKER_01 20:03

So, um, Carrie, would you say that for our listeners who may or may not have access to a therapist, and especially one with your experience and depth of knowledge around attachment and the stories that we carry, wouldn't would a exercise be as simple, maybe as you described when at that conference, write your story and see what comes out, like what messages. I know I I had I did a Brene Brown study with a group of women for about five years because I love her work around this. One of the things I asked them to do is to create a timeline of pivotal events, like as far back as they could go. And some of those events were able to unveil some of the belief systems that you know have have been, they've been carrying for a long time. But I I want to ask you though, what else can our listeners do if they don't have access to a therapist? And but they really want to do what you're talking about. They really need it, they know that they need it.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Well, one of the exercises in the emotional intelligence book I have found fantastic. It's called the ABCDE exercise. And the idea is you become your own defense attorney versus the prosecuting attorney, because we all attack ourselves. So if you take a circumstance, what you would do is say, okay, like for example, the one you just described with your daughter, yeah, right, where you're thinking that she's looking at you. Let's say that is how she experiences you. Then she would look at the situation and what is her belief system that makes her think that you disapprove of her, right? And then you're going to ask her, what proof does she have based on her experiences with you? That you would be so disapproving. Right. And then you're going to ask her to either defend that or discard it. So for example, if she says, well, actually, now that you say that, mom's very rarely disapproving. And when she is, she doesn't just give me a look. I mean, she's pretty forthright. And she's going to tell me. So if you look for the proof that your belief system is erroneous instead of the proof that your belief system is true, what you're actually doing is taking an attack on yourself because mom disapproves of me. Well, who's the center of it? It's me, right? And it's an attack on yourself. So if you can defend yourself by questioning what you're believing, you can come out with a more accurate story. It's a very, you know, you have to slow down and you need to write it down and think about it. But you're always looking for the proof that you're not being attacked in this particular instance rather than looking for the proof that you are.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

I love that. That's in the book Emotional Intelligence. Exercise. What is the exercise called?

SPEAKER_02 23:25

I don't know what he calls it, but because it's separated into A, B, C, D, E, I call it the A B C D E. Yeah. And it's really wonderful because you've got each column where you have to uh look at, you know, what is the belief system? What was the what was the event that happened? What were my feelings about the event? And then what is the proof that your feelings are accurate? What is the proof that your feelings aren't accurate? And then what is my adapted belief about that incident?

SPEAKER_01 24:05

I love this. So that you really go through the whole process of examining your belief system and then have the opportunity to change it to that adapted belief.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Right. And the thing about it though is you have to do it incident by incident if you're doing it by yourself, right? And then as you keep doing that, what's going to happen is that there'll be a shift in terms of what you start to believe about yourself. Because if you're busy defending, but defending a belief system, not defending yourself. They're two different things. So if you're busy disputing a belief system that's outdated, with time, you're going to be able to say, Oh, wait a minute, I'm doing that thing again, where I think just because, you know, mom has guests arriving in 15 minutes and she gave me a look that she's disapproving of me, rather than poor mom's a little stressed out. She's got guests in 15 minutes, right? It has nothing to do with me.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

That's right. That's right. So I get quite a bit of feedback from young women. I think older women suffer from it too, but I I do believe that maybe perhaps older women have just said this is just the way it's going to be. They've given up. But young women saying, you know, I thought things were so different in our generation. And they have they are. I mean, men help a lot more, but this description you have about women in their homes, walking on eggshells, don't want to bring up that nobody helped bring the groceries in because that could be a fight. Um, they don't want to talk about how much more they're doing, doing all the laundry and maybe he's, you know, on his phone. I'm hearing this over and over again. And I don't think it's because men are lazy. I think there's so much unawareness and the cultural messages that you've talked about that men absorb as well. Oh, absolutely.

Boundaries Without Judgment

SPEAKER_02 26:02

I mean, think about men being told from the time they can speak that they're supposed to be the major provider in a family. I mean, talk about stressful. You can't even enjoy elementary school. You're already worried about the bills. But I think that one of the things you have to look at in that situation is because women are brought up to believe they need to be likable, I think what happens is a fear starts that if they do kind of have boundaries and they do insist on, let's say, their husband or their spouse meeting them more often on the 50-yard line, because so many women start off where they're so giving that they're using a football analogy, they're on their spouse's 10-yard line. So the spouse only has to come 10 yards, right? And what I'm trying to teach women is that if you want an equal relationship, you have to give your spouse the opportunity to meet you on that 50. And if you start off your relationships where you're always on their, I guess it's 90, right? If you start off your relationship there, why would you be surprised when you'd get pushback when you're burnt out and all of a sudden you want them to meet you halfway? So it's also about helping women understand that overgiving, which is lovely and generous, can also be detrimental to the relationship. And I think that we also have to deal with this fear that if we're not likable, that we'll be left or abandoned. And I have to remind a lot of couples that the person that's in love with you, that you're in love with is just as vulnerable in terms of worrying that they may be left. So it's not like one person has the upper hand. It's that when you fall in love, just intrinsically falling in love makes all of us get in touch with our fear of being left, whether it's through age, you know, having a spouse die, or your significant other gets in a car crash, because you can't love somebody without being afraid of losing them. And the more you love someone, the more afraid you become of not having that person in your life. And if people, women can understand that it goes both ways, that attachment, I think they would feel a lot less afraid of having just reasonable boundaries. And of course, through Imago, we teach people how to go from a monologue to a dialogue so that they fight less, you know, and they get to understand each other so much better that being able to have a boundary also invariably means needing to have a conversation. And sometimes it's a tough conversation. But when you feel secure that you're having a dialogue where you're really listening to understand, the amount of times that the conflicts occur decreases exponentially.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

So, I mean, really ideally in in my lifetime, I if I could have a wish that everyone could have attended a getting the love you want workshop to really understand more the complexities of relationships and how a dialogical process really helps people connect over great things and hard things. And knowing that that's not available to everyone. I think that one of the things that has helped me, and especially as we're talking about this, I'm generating a lot of thoughts, is believing not that you deserve them to help 50%, but that it's just part of living in the same family. You're in the same house. You know, it takes some of the judgment out of it because if a partner feels judged, they're very likely to not do it, maybe dig in their heels.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

And we we fight, we cry, we complain, we nag, we we do all these behaviors, thinking that those things are going to get our needs met.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

And it's the opposite. It really is the opposite. But you said something really important, which is it's not always going to be 50-50. Yeah, it's a give and take situation. So, you know, if if, for example, your daughter usually helps you with dinner, but she's studying for her exams, right? You're not going to expect her to give that 50-50% because there's extenuating circumstances. So it's not a, and I really want to make sure that people understand this, this is not about tit for tat. Okay. It's about being sensitive to each other's needs and not only being sensitive to it, but caring enough about the person you claim to love that you want their needs to be met as much as possible and as much as is reasonable.

From Monologue To Dialogue

SPEAKER_01 31:15

That's so important, Carrie. That is so important because I think when at least I can think of my younger days, and um as I said, my husband and I are the perfect amago match. We are just I'm O C D, he's a free spirit, and all of it for us because of Imago has blended into making us much more whole people. But boy, there were times when I was the young woman at home and feeling resentful and thinking, I came down the stairs one day and he was um looking at his phone, and I'm making breakfast and taking the dogs out, and it like my hair was on fire and looking at him and I said, What are you doing? And he goes, I'm reading a novel. My mind away, right? And so as I look back, I mean, we ended up talking, first fighting about it, but then talking about it. And what I've learned so much since is he has so much to teach me about relaxing. He has so much to teach me about letting myself not be the overfunctioner. And in doing so, he has come my way and does so much around the house. And we were just talking about it the other day, how different our lives are. So I I want to give hope to women, but I didn't get my needs met by bitching. I tried. Don't, I'm not gonna lie, I tried. It just isn't, it doesn't work. But what you said, when you can stop the polarization, you're not giving me what I need, more to if I could explain my longing, maybe you'd be able to listen to me. Maybe you'd be able to know because you remember that I am the person you love and you do want to meet my needs. It's just you won't do it while I'm yelling at you.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

Right. Or shutting you down or giving you the silent treatment. Yes. And the thing that I find so amazing about the dialogue, you know, people get into fights and they'll go, Well, you can't read my mind, or I wish I could read your mind. And I think the Imago dialogue is a way of reading your significant other or your mother or your brother's mind, because you're inviting them to share their perspective. And when you're curious rather than judgmental, you really get to hear how they are seeing a particular situation. And when you can really understand where they're coming from, uh the rest of it sort of solves itself by magic because when somebody is able to explain to you from their perspective why they feel the way they feel, you can actually have compassion and empathy for it and then be able to discuss where you go from there. You know, and it doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but we all have to understand that the only truth that is really there, that exists, is truth that's measurable. If I say, oh, it's sunny outside and you look out and it's raining, well, we obviously know the truth is that it's raining. But our truth is our perspective, right? And it's not measurable in the same way. So if my perspective of a situation is different from your perspective of a different of a situation, just knowing why you're not agreeing becomes obvious because the way you're seeing it is different. And once you understand that, then you can start solving the issue.

Perspective, Empathy, And Truth

SPEAKER_01 34:58

I'm thinking about a couple I'm working with right now, and it really mirrors so many marriages that I can think about, and how much men love the dialogue as a surprise, how they feel like they're finally able to articulate not their anger, not their fear, well their fear, but be able to say, This is this is what's happening for me. When they can do that, the softening, the resentment that just sort of like dissolves for women because there's a softer place. And in that, as you said, is the magic that happens right in that space where I go, oh, I see that from your point of view, and I can imagine how hard that is for you, which I'm not able to see while I'm doing teen things in the kitchen getting ready for work. I'm not able to see it, but in the dialogue, I am.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Right. Because you also are being curious and you're listening to understand rather than listening to either defend yourself or to rebut what's being said.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Absolutely. Well, Carrie, I know that we could talk for days because you have I'd love to have you back if you'd be willing to, so that we can complete this topic because I really want to hear more about attachment wounds. And I think that would be fascinating to really dive into that. Is there anything that uh we haven't talked about? I know the attachment piece we really didn't get into because the richness of what you shared is so much. And I'd love to to revisit that. But around this topic, is there anything that you would like to close with or you've left out?

SPEAKER_02 36:40

I think what I would love women to understand is when they're able to have a more accurate belief system, it has a domino effect on all their relationships. Because our negative belief systems literally poison everything that we touch, because we bring those belief systems into our relationships with our kids, with our parents, with our friends, and with our bosses. And when I say it poisons our relationships, I want to add that it poisons it to our own detriment because we're attacking ourselves with our negative belief systems. And when you can really, not only intellectually, but emotionally be in touch with who you are, first of all, it lifts such a weight off your shoulders and it makes develops confidence in all your relationships because you're clear about who you are and what you stand for. And it also becomes clear for the other person. It just, I think, deepens all the relationships because when you're able to be authentic, think about how anxiety starts to go down, this depressive feeling of hopelessness and helplessness you said about older women, feeling like, well, this is what it is, and I'm stuck with it. That's not true. You can, an updated belief system that actually reflects who you are today, you can update that belief system all the way up until you're, you know, six feet under. And I think it would give so many people hope to realize that there's nothing wrong with them. They've just internalized a lot of assumptions that are often not accurate.

Real Changes Inside Relationships

SPEAKER_01 38:39

Well, Carrie, this is so rich. This discussion is so rich. And um, I wanted to mention that you have a masterclass. I know you just did one January 24th, but it's called The Three Keys to Becoming Seen, Heard, and Valued in All of Your Relationships. And I'm wondering when you're going to offer it again.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Well, I have a masterclass actually next Monday, and it's at 11 a.m. Pacific time. So if you go to my website, you can register for it. And it's an easy website to remember. It's called womenneadconnection.com. And I believe all the details about it will be put up there by this afternoon because we had just finished doing one, but we decided um that we were going to do another one on Monday. So, and of course, there's always the replay.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

Oh, okay. How long? Oh, so they could sign up, and if they're working and they wanted to watch it that evening, they could do that or at any time. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

And what time how long is it? 75 minutes. 75 minutes and and they also get the ABCDE sheet.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

Okay. So they can start work on their own.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Oh, that's wonderful. So they go to your website, which is women needconnection.com. And you can find more. And if you loved what Carrie had to say today, please join her. This is a great beginning because what is the cost, Carrie? The master class is free. It's free. Yeah. Wow. So if even if you can't make Monday's class, because that would be February 16th, I believe.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Mm-hmm. That's correct.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

I'm sure that if you go to her website, you'll find out when the next class is offered. And what a great way to dig in and not spend any money and be able to have access to Carrie's Brilliance. And I love, I love your really your beautiful mission around helping women reclaim all of who they are by disputing a belief system that's outdated and perhaps never really existed.

Hope, Agency, And Lifelong Growth

SPEAKER_02 40:55

Exactly. And then, you know, we also, or I will be offering the introductory class, which is 12 weeks. I haven't quite figured out the date yet. It'll probably be in March, but I, you know, I launched this as a beta last October. And seven women signed up. And when we got to the end of the course, they said, So when do we start part two? And I was like, Part two? So I said, Really? And they said, Oh yeah. And I said, Okay. So I started building part two. And all the women that signed up for the first class have signed up for the second class. And this Saturday will be in our third week. Wow. So, you know, you know you're doing it right when people want more. I know. And it really warms my heart because, you know, the beginner session, we cover a broad range of subjects and we get some depth. Obviously, I want um the women to learn and, you know, practice some tools. But the second part is we take the deep dive, you know, and just like using Imago, for example, in the first, we're talking about the dialogue, but in the second section, we're really digging deep into childhood and then into behavior change requests. So the second one is really more heavily weighted in terms of developing the skills. And the first one is about understanding the skills.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

Well, Carrie, this has been really wonderful today. And um, I am so grateful. Thank you for being with us and sharing all of this, and that your course is free. So it'd be a great way for you to take that initial step for those of you who are out there and you've heard Carrie and you think, gosh, I am tired of walking on eggshells. I am tired, I'm exhausted from overfunctioning and I don't know where to begin. I suggest that you go to Carrie's website. And thank you.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

But I also just want to say I'm really blessed that you have invited me on because this is a passion of mine now. Having been a therapist for over 20 years, I just kept thinking this is where the gap is. And so I'm really excited about doing it. But I do want to clarify the masterclasses are free, but the course isn't. The course is highly discounted, but the masterclasses are free, and you really do get to take away some things, like I said, the ABCDE work uh worksheet that you can start working on immediately.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

And then if you enjoy that, then you can go on and take the course. So it's a great introduction to see do I want to jump into this? And I love that you give people a taste of you. They they're having a taste today, but in a 75 minute masterclass, they'll get more. And if they want to take that next step, which sounds really cool, then they could take that option as well.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

So absolutely. And thank you for having me. Honestly, Coco, I this is the first. Time that I've really got to talk about how exciting it is for me to see these transformations. Because when I was a therapist, I used to find it so frustrating when couples came in. And I could see immediately that the gap was stemming from how the women believed they were versus who they were. You know, how many times do women say to you, Oh, yeah, but I'm not that good at this? And you're like going, I don't get it. I think you're fantastic. How is it you don't know that?

Masterclass Details And Resources

SPEAKER_01 44:33

And that's what we're trying to address. That is such a great way to end our episode. I love, and I'm seeing lots of clients that I see as so powerful. And again, it's the career that looks great. And then the relationships are just so hard. And so I'm going to be sharing this episode with many of my clients. And I hope that all of you therapists out there that may be listening to this will share Carrie's work with your clients because it will only help you and your office to be able to get to places that maybe people feel a little stuck. And so thank you everybody for being with us on the Relationship Blueprint, where you unlock your power of connection. And we are so excited about all of the episodes we have coming. I'm going to be doing a series on recovery, and that means recovery from drugs and alcohol. We had had Dr. Jana Wheeler on talking about medication and recovery. We're going to have some people who are coming in to talk about their recovery themselves from alcohol and drugs. We have a mother-son team that are going to be here to talk about their experience as mother-son in the recovery process. And people recover from all kinds of things, not just drugs and alcohol. And I think about what Terry brought to us today and thinking about the recovery of self. So join us next time on the Relationship Blueprint, where you unlock your power of connection. Thanks for being with us.