What If The Safest Place In Your Life Is The Space Between You?

Most relationship conflict isn’t a lack of love, it’s a lack of structure when emotions spike. So we do something different here: My husband, Kevin, and I sit down and actually demonstrate an Imago Dialogue the way we practice it at home, using two chairs, a clear appointment, and one topic. You’ll hear how we regulate first, why we begin with appreciation, and how “knee to knee, eye to eye, heart to heart” changes the entire tone of a conversation before we ever get to the hard part. 

Kevin also tells the story of how he fell in love with Imago Relationship Therapy after walking into a Getting The Love You Want workshop as a skeptic with a yellow legal pad, focused on budgets and whether any of this could “put bread on the table.” Then a live dialogue demonstration dropped his defenses, helped him understand me in a new way, and showed him we could talk about almost anything without spiraling into old patterns. We break down the practical Imago communication skills you can copy: mirroring for accuracy, summarizing for clarity, validation for safety, and empathy for connection. 

From there, we zoom out to the bigger impact: how this work strengthens parenting and family culture, how it supports self-awareness and emotional regulation, and how Kevin brings dialogue into leadership and business consulting to improve client conversations and team communication. We even touch the brave question of how to talk across political differences by focusing on shared values and policy instead of personalities. If you want a repeatable way to stop escalating and start listening, press play, then share this with a partner or friend and leave a review with the one part you want to try first.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Relationship Blueprint, where we unlock your power and connection. And today I'm with my husband, Kevin. Welcome, Kev.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Hi, Coco.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

He's been uh my big supporter throughout this whole journey of podcasting, which at 65 is a little new and also very exciting for me and for for us.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

And so today I thought, what better guest to have than my apartment in crime, my husband and my best friend. And we thought that maybe since we've talked a lot about dialogue, that we'd actually show you how a dialogue works. And sometimes, oh, and this is Tilly.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Yes. Tilly is our retriever and she's our comfort dog.

Setting The Dialogue Container

SPEAKER_00 0:54

She is. She's therapy dog for us and uh for many other people that come and work here with Kevin and myself. So we're really happy that she's with us as well. So let's talk about what we're gonna do. So today Kevin and I thought, well, let's have a dialogue. And we were trying to decide what we'd like to dialogue about. And Kevin said, you know, I think it might be interesting to tell people about how he fell in love with the Imago work and how that changed and shaped his career and uh what he plans to do moving forward. So without further ado, we're just gonna show you what we would do at home. Uh, you'll see these two chairs. They are just part of our um life. We have two chairs almost in every room and our porch so that we're able to dialogue whenever we need to or want to. And actually, you can use two kitchen chairs. It doesn't really matter. So we use these for demonstrations with couples and with each other. All right. So we are gonna turn and face each other.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Knee to knee, eye to eye, heart to heart.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Yeah, sometimes it's good to hold hands, especially if you're in conflict and you really wanted to explore something together and remembering that even though you're talking about a really hard thing, that you're connected. And uh today's topic is not fraught with a lot of emotion, but still I'm letting Kevin know with my eyes and my heart that I want to hear, that I'm curious about what he has to say and maybe learn something new. So, what I'm bringing as the container is I'm bringing curiosity because I think I know this topic. We've talked about it many times, but often in a dialogue, we're surprised by what else comes up.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

So uh would you like to make the appointment then?

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yes, cook of is now a good time to talk about how I came into a mango.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, I think this is a perfect time.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Great. Well, um what I'd like to do is I'd like to just be present with you. So if you don't mind, can we just sit here for a moment and maybe regulate our breathing? Is that all right?

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Yeah, that sounds great.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

So I invite you to soften your eyes or close your eyes. Trying to be present in the dog is right there.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

So she's in the space between. She is the space between we talk a lot about the space between couples and why it's so important that this space that Kevin and I co-create um can be very safe, like it feels right now. And at times when we're upset or hurt, that space may not feel so safe. And so with Tilly getting very involved in our space between, we're just gonna welcome her in.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Welcome, Tilly.

Appreciation And Safety In Connection

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Yeah. And uh and help co-regulate our nervous system. So let's take three deep breaths and sink. And we always start with one appreciation, and before we get to our appreciation, because we both probably need a minute to think about it, I'd like also to offer a gentle eye gaze. And we do this for about 30 to 60 seconds. Reminding one another that we love each other, that we're safe, even when we're talking about hard stuff. It's just a great way to let the oxytocin in that bonding and attachment. Kevin, what I appreciate about you today is how you've moved around our whole house for this podcast. All the furniture, all of it that you set up this morning. And I want you to know that means a lot to me.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

So what you appreciate today is how I was able to move the furniture around so that it would accommodate your podcast. And um what I heard you say was that that meant a lot to you. Did I get that?

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Yeah, you got me. You got me. And why that feels important is that these are things sometimes I can't do. And I'm used to doing things on my own from my past. And so being able to walk in the room and be surprised by everything that you set up was really a gift.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

So what that brought up for you was that in the past, um, you have to do everything for yourself. This is something that would have been difficult for you to do. And that when you walked in the room and I had it set up this way, that it was a really good surprise. A gift.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

A gift.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Your work, a gift.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Thank you for this.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Coco, I would like to give you an appreciation. This is gonna be a broader appreciation. I appreciate that you went in so deep on Imago and opened a road for me to be able to come along with you.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

So you're gonna do a broader appreciation.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

And that what you appreciate is that I dove so deep into Imago and that creating a broader road for you to come along with me.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Did I get you?

SPEAKER_01 7:34

You got it.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Is there more?

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Yeah, it's um the more is that Imago has changed our relationship. And I was a skeptic.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

So Imago has changed our relationship, and you were a skeptic.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Right. I wanted to know how is this ever gonna put bread on the table?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

And you wanted to know how how does this ever put bread on the table?

SPEAKER_01 7:59

But you invited me to just take it a step at a time and to stay curious, and you've always given me good advice in the past, so I did that.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

So I invited you to take a step at a time, and that I've given you good advice in the past, and so you decided to do that.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Yeah. Got it.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

So since you're gonna be the sender in this dialogue, um call you the topic. Yeah. So you made you made your appointment because you let me know what the topic was, and that can be really helpful. You want to tell our listeners why that's so helpful to tell your partner what it's gonna be about.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Yeah, because usually when things come up and you want to do a dialogue, um so many times old habits, old fights, old hurts will sneak in. And um basically when we do a dialogue, we try to keep it to one topic. Now, on that topic, we might have different roads or different coloraries where we explore some other things, but basically it still has to do with what that main topic is.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

So what you're saying is that really the reason that we tell our partner what it's gonna be about is to let them know, you know, what the one topic's gonna be and that we're gonna stay within that topic. And also that whenever your partner says they want a dialogue or do you want to talk, or we have to talk, that uh that there are a lot of old stories thing in our heads and old behaviors and patterns, and that that can bring up a lot of emotion and uh maybe some fear.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Some fear of defensiveness. I might be defense. I could have been defensive going into a dialogue if I didn't know what the topic was.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Yeah. So that knowing the topic really helps release the defensiveness.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Yeah, yeah. So I can just stay curious.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Okay. So now we're going to just stay in a dialogue. We're not gonna editorialize so that you can really see how this works and uh that it's pretty natural. And we're gonna just really explore with Kevin about, you know, how he how he came into Imago, and as I said, and what it means to him now and and moving forward.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

So what I'd like to talk about is how I came into Imago. And the one thing that scared me about Imago was how you told me that you went on a getting the love you want workshop weekend with a former boyfriend, and you broke up with him three weeks later.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Yeah. So you want to talk about how you came into Imago. And what really scared you initially was that I told you about going to this getting the love you want workshop. And then I also added that we broke up three weeks later.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Right. I mean, thank God you broke up because then you were available for me to step back into your life.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

So thank God I I did we did break up because then I was available for you to step back into my life.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Yeah. And so we went a few years while you were teaching and then counseling at the school, and we got to a point where you really wanted to pursue getting licensed as a therapist, and specifically you wanted to be able to do workshops.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

So, how we came to this was that I was still working at the school counseling, and but I really decided that I wanted to do uh getting the love you want workshops, be licensed, and did I get you?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Yeah, you wanted to get well, first you wanted to do the workshops and you found out you had to, you know, get your license.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

So first I wanted to do the workshops and I found out I had to get a license.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Right. You had a master's in counseling, but you still had some things to do in order to get your um professional license as a therapist.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

So I'd already had my master's in counseling, but that I there were certain steps I had to take to get a license to practice therapy.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

And you did it.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

And I did it.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

And you kept pushing for it.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

I kept pushing.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

And you had to retake a the test and had to relearn some of the things that you know, you had to take some classes, but you also had to review things that you learned 10 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

So I had to take some classes, but I also had to review courses that I had had years ago.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Right, years ago. Because back then, I mean, it was 10 years then, but you've been doing this now since 2014. 14 is when you got your license. Um so anyway, I saw how much you wanted this.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Yeah. So you saw how much I wanted this.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

And when you mentioned that there was a getting the love you want workshop up in Charleston that we could attend.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

So when I mentioned that there was a getting the love you want workshop in Charleston that we could attend.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Um Right, that we could attend, that I was okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Okay. And then you said let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

But I still was looking at this from how's this going to put bread on the table?

SPEAKER_00 13:47

And you were still coming from the perspective of how is this going to put bread on the table?

SPEAKER_01 13:52

So I walked into the workshop with my yellow legal pad, and I took notes of okay, how much would the space cost to rent? How much are they putting into snacks? And, you know, what do you think the cost of the workbook is? And I was marking things down to look into.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Yeah. So you went into the workshop with your yellow pad and you were looking around the room, like things like how much would this cost to rent and the the um the workbooks, the cost of the workbooks, and even the snacks.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Right, right. And I counted the heads, how many couples were there.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

You counted heads, how many couples came, how many were there.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

And I knew how much we spent, so I figured, okay, multiply it by the 15, 16 couples that were there.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Yeah. So then you knew what we spent, you multiplied that by the 15 or 16 couples that were there.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

So I was way into a budget.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

So you were way into the budget.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

And then Rick Brown started to talk.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

And then Rick Brown started to talk.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

And he grabbed my attention.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

And he grabbed your attention.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

And within the first 15, 20 minutes, the legal pad was sitting on the floor.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Within the 15, first 15 or 20 minutes, the legal pad was sitting on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

And I was following along.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

And you were following along.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

And I remember he asked for a volunteer for a demonstration couple.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

And you remember that he asked for a volunteer for a demonstration couple.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

And I shot my hand up faster than anybody else could.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

And you shot your hand up faster than anyone else could.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

And you looked at me like, I've been through one of these. You don't know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

And so I looked at you like, oh, I've been through one of these. You don't know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

And Rick asked whether you wanted to do this with me.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

And then Rick checked in with me and asked if I wanted to do it with you.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

And you said, okay, if he wants to.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

And I said, okay, if he wants to.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

And I kind of laughed and said, Well, I want to get my money's worth.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

And you laughed and said, I'm getting my money's worth.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

And we sat down in front of Rick in front of all those other couples.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

And we sat down in front of Rick and all those other couples.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

And he led us through a demonstration of what we're doing right now.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

And then he led us through a demonstration of what you and I are doing on our own right now.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Right. And the blinders came up. I couldn't see anybody else in the room.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

So the blinders came up. You couldn't see anybody else in the room.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

And we talked about a subject that was really sitting on both of our hearts.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

And we talked about a subject that was really sitting on both of our hearts.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

And we didn't agree on the subject.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

We didn't agree on the subject.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

But we were able to get through it.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

We were able to get through it.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

And mirror each other.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

And mirror each other.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

And give a summary.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Give a summary.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

And validate each each other.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

And validate each other.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

And empathize.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

And empathize.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

And I felt closer to you in that moment than I had in a long time.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

And you felt closer to me in that moment than you had in a long time.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Because I understood how you were seeing things now.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Because then you understood how I was saying things.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

My defenses were down.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Your defenses were down.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

My defenses can get really strong.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

And your defenses can get really strong.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

You got me.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Started more.

Training Together And Daily Practice

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Oh, there's so much more. Um after we finished with that workshop and you started studying, uh I became your guinea pig.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

So true. Um, after that workshop and I was studying the work, you became my guinea pig.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Yes. You were in training to be an imagotherapist.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

I was training to become an imagotherapist.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

And every weekend you went to Atlanta.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

And every weekend I went to Atlanta.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

You came home with a new toy.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

I came home with a new toy. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

First we just started mirroring each other.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

First we began mirroring.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Then we started having topics of some difficult, or when something difficult came up, you requested that we dialogue.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah, so that we had some topics that that when difficult stuff came up, I requested a dialogue.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Yes. And it was, I think, your second weekend that you came home with the appreciation dialogue.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

So it was the second weekend that I was in Atlanta that I came home with the appreciation dialogue.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

And you wanted to give me an appreciation.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

And I wanted to give you an appreciation.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

So I got into the dialogue mode with you.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

And you got into the dialogue mode.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Knee to knee, heart to heart.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Knee to knee, heart to heart.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Eyes to eyes.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Eye to eye.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

And you gave me the appreciation. Then I gave you the appreciation. And when we finished, I said, is there more? And you said no.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

And when we finished, you said, is there more? And I said, no.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

So I summarized it, validated it, empathized. And then he I gave you an appreciation.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Yeah. So then you did all the things you summarized and val mirrored, summarized, validated, and empathized, but then you gave me an appreciation.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

And then we hugged.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

And we hugged.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

And the dialogue was over.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

And the dialogue was over.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

And I didn't ever feel defensive.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

And you didn't feel ever defensive.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

No. No. And I thought, wow, we could talk about anything with this.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Ah, so then you thought, wow, we could talk about anything with this.

What A One-Sided Dialogue Leaves

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Yes. And then fast forward a little bit when you finished your study and you went through your tapes and you got critiqued, and you got your um acceptance and certification into the Imago program.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

So I studied and then I was critiqued and um did my tapes and then I was accepted into the Imago program.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Got it. And you went out to California where they were going to recognize you at that conference.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

So I went out to California where they were going to recognize me at the conference.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

And you called me up and you told me about a woman you met from France who was a professional facilitator.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

So I called you from there that I told you about a woman I met there from France who was a professional facilitator.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Right. And you told me the facilitator program was for professionals that wanted to do Imago work.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

So I told you that this program was for professionals that wanted to do AMAGO work.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Yeah, without being a therapist.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

Yeah, that they were not therapists. They were doing professional work, but they weren't therapists.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

And when you picked you up from the airport?

SPEAKER_00 21:28

When you picked me up from the airport. So yeah, you picked me up at the airport. You looked at me and you said you were signed up for a course.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

And that very soon, it was like maybe a month later, I was in Atlanta.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

So maybe a month later, you're in Atlanta.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

And um you drove with me and had Aunt Julie.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

I drove with you and had my out with me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Um and I did my weekend and our mentor Wendy, Wendy Patterson, God love her, she grabbed me by the elbow and said, talk to me before you leave.

How To Do The Steps At Home

SPEAKER_00 22:20

So um Wendy, our mentor in uh by Wendy Patterson, grabbed you by the elbow and said, talk to me before you leave.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Right. And she told me that I did well that weekend.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

That you did well that weekend.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

And that Coco's coming up next weekend for her getting the Love You Want workshop training. It's getting ready to start next weekend.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

So she told you that I was coming up to Atlanta to do the getting the love you want workshop training that weekend.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Yes. And she wanted me to come along with you.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

And she wanted you to come with me.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

I wasn't even a facilitator yet.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

You weren't a facilitator yet.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

But I was your husband.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

And you were my husband.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

And I then got to sit with you with Maya and Barb.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

So then you got to sit with me and with Maya and Barb.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Maya Coleman yep Maya Coleman and she started with us and there were other husbands in the room.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

So she started with us. There were other husbands in the room.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

A few of them were facilitators.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Some were facilitators.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Some were not some were not but we learned how to support you you learned how to support me. Yes all the men that weren't therapists were able to learn how to support their wives me specifically supporting you if we did this work if we were going to do the workshops.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

So the men in the room you specifically learned how to support me if we were going to do these workshops.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Right. I was lucky because I had both trainings going on simultaneously.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

And you were lucky because you had both trainings going on simultaneously.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Yes. And I was able to get to some really good on myself.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

You were able to get to some really good work on yourself.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

That's one of the things that I loved about doing the facilitator program was that Bob and Wendy Patterson were our instructors and they took us through why we are who we are.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

So one of the things that you've really loved about this work is that during your training you got to learn from both Bob and Wendy you know the the why of who we are.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Right. I had a taste of that in the workshop you had a taste at the workshop. And it was emphasized while I was working with you and Maya.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Yeah so it was really emphasized when you were working with Maya and me.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Right. But with Bob and Wendy they took the time to not just talk about the theory they took the time to not just talk about the theory. But to discuss where it showed up in me.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

So not just to talk about the theory but to discuss where it showed up in you.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Yes. And um I get to work in dyads and triads and groups while while I was going through my facilitator training.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

So you got to work in dyads and triads and in groups while you were going through your facilitator training?

SPEAKER_01 25:49

And it made me even that more curious so it made you even that more curious right why do I tick?

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Why do I tick?

SPEAKER_01 26:00

How does this work? How does this work? And why how does coco tick?

SPEAKER_00 26:04

And how does coco tick?

SPEAKER_01 26:06

And what need am I fulfilling for her?

SPEAKER_00 26:10

And what need am I fulfilling for her?

SPEAKER_01 26:13

And how do I hurt her?

Using Imago In Business And Culture

SPEAKER_00 26:14

And how do I hurt her?

SPEAKER_01 26:17

And so with that information it it gave me it gave me a lot more tools.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

So with that information it gave you a lot more tools.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

I understood a lot more about what you were doing with me when you came home from your from your weekends.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

So now you're understanding a lot more of what I was doing with you when I came home from my weekends.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Yes you got it and um so my journey led to certification. Your journey led to certification and I was able to work as your assistant in the workshop.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

So you were able to assist me in the workshop.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

And I really took pride in that because it was your workshop.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

You took pride in it but it was my workshop.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

It was our workshop but I mean you were the therapist.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Okay so I was the therapist it was our workshop.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

But the men would come up to me and the men would come up to you and they'd say does this really work yeah and so the men would be like does this really work right yeah you got it yeah and not only does it work from what I learned not only does it work in our couplehood in our in our relationship but what opened my eyes was that I have relationships all throughout aspects of my life.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

So not only does it work in our relationship but that you realize that you have relationships in all aspects of your life.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Yes you got it you're my biggest relationship I'm your biggest relationship. You're the one I care the most about I'm the one you care most about. But I have relationships with my coworkers. Your co-workers with my clients with clients with people from different social clubs and groups that I go to from different social clubs and groups that you go to yeah and what I learned was that I have a choice so what you learned was that you have a choice I can either feed that relationship so you could either feed the relationship or I could starve it or you could starve it.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

And if I starve it then that relationship no longer will be so if you starve it then that relationship will no longer be right and I got really conscious about it.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

You got really conscious I started working on myself doing more meditation meditation work.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

Okay so you started really working on yourself doing more meditation meditation work.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Right um I sought out other ways that I could be more present.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

You sought out other ways that you could be more present and I believe that our relationship has done nothing but grow stronger and you believe that our relationship has done nothing but grow stronger and then my gosh in 2021 I was so happy for you you received an invitation to join the faculty for Imago. So in 2021 you were so happy for me that I received an invitation to join the faculty of Imago.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Right. And at that point all of the faculty members were therapists.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

And at that point all of the faculty members were therapists.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Right? Yeah and a week later I got an invitation to join the faculty.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

And a week later you got the invitation to join the faculty.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Right. And I was told Wendy had put me up and that I was the first time I met Maureen Bryan I had to interview with her and talk with Maya again.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

So Wendy had put you up and you that was the first time you got to meet Maureen Bryan and you got to talk to when uh Maya again.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Right. And basically I worked with an online group um and that was COBIS and COBIS um um I've forgotten his name his last name I'm sorry it's always been Cobus to me and then John Mortison and Sophie Slade and Wendy and uh then Sonali was also a student with me.

unknown 31:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

So then you got to work with Cobis Sonali Wendy uh John Mortensen Sophie Slade.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Yeah you got it and blew my mind again different aspects different ways that people were able to integrate amago and lives okay so it blew your mind how so many people were able to integrate amago into so many different lives and into their lives into their lives and also into other people's lives yes and into other people's lives right and the genius of the theory the genius of the theory yeah and you know both of us spent a lot of time and effort both of us spent a lot of time and effort and we became not just associate faculty members but full faculty members.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

And we're not just associate members we're full faculty members.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

I love this and you love this and if it wasn't for you and if it wasn't for me and your discussion with me about going to the getting the love you want workshop.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

And if it wasn't for me having the discussion with you about getting going to the getting the love you want workshop even though I was scared that you broke up with that man three weeks later. Even though you were scared that I broke up with that man three weeks later.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

My appreciation that my life has changed because of what you introduced into this and it's beyond my wildest dreams.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Your life has changed beyond beyond my world is changed.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Your wild is changed you did that I did like a summary so much you mirrored me so much.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Go ahead let's do an essence summary what I understood is that this all began on a walk on a beach in our honeymoon and I told you I was so excited I wanted my dream was to become a workshop presenter and that I had gone to this workshop and that I broke up with that person that you knew of three weeks later. And that initially scared you and even as I talked about this passion you were a skeptic and you were concerned when I started spending all this money on training because you were thinking how does this put bread butter on the table and then we went to the Rick Brown workshop in Charleston the getting the love you want workshop and eventually you put your yellow pad down and you had a dialogue with me that changed you and how we could talk about hard things. And fast forward you signed up for the facilitator training after I had told you about it when I was in California for the North American conference and from there you became my partner in the workshop presenters training and from there you were already in the facilitators training which simultaneously really added to your self-discovery and then you began teaching after becoming faculty with Sophie and Cobas and Wendy and Sonali and Don. And you become just amazed at the ways in which this work touches people's lives and changes them who they are their transformation personally and professionally and and and you're just grateful to me for taking you on the journey.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Yes for opening up that lane wide enough that I could walk alongside of you for opening up the lane wide enough that you could walk along beside me.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Right so it makes so much sense that you're grateful that I opened up that lane because you have fallen in love with this work so deeply and I imagine right now grateful grateful feelings connected grateful always curious always curious yeah thank you for sharing what you did today and doing this demonstration for our listeners. Thank you for listening to me so here we are we've finished our our dialogue and uh that was one sided. So normally what would happen next is that then I would have a turn to talk about you know what came up for me as Kevin shared and we would go through that same process and uncover perhaps something that I had not shared with him and uh just the way I was deeply deeply touched by Kevin's appreciation of me uh really walking the journey with him and and I think that that's really the beauty of this work is that uh I couldn't do this work with integrity if I didn't have a partner uh that I could I could really walk the talk with. That this isn't a uh this isn't a just in the office thing. This is we have beautiful relationships with our children and I know that those relationships have been forever changed for me because of this work that I've been able to manage my own reactivity. I've been able to listen more with compassion I've been able to step back and take an observer's point of view and enjoy all the beauty of who they are and the beautiful grandchildren that we love. So I hope that this demonstration will be helpful to you that you could do this on your own at home. We didn't use sentence Dems I didn't use any uh therapy techniques we just did what we suggest which is called move where you mirror over and over again until the person's finished and they say that's it and then we summarize and then the validation is you make sense to me like what you said from your point of view you make sense to me because and then finally guessing at a feeling you know I might have guessed right today but you could have said no that that's not exactly it I I feel something else. So we really hope that uh some of you will go home and try it. You can't break it as long as you stay in the structure.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

And if you're interested in more we have Amago Relationships all over North America you can just go to Amago Relationships North America you find look for a therapist you plug in your zip code and you will be able to find someone near you. And also if you're interested in training if you're a therapist who's absolutely tired of getting a couple in your office and just feeling so overwhelmed and not knowing exactly what to do to help them reconnect so that they can get through their hard time please look at Amago International Training Institute. Yes and you will find many excellent trainers there. And do you want to talk about the facilitator training?

Applying Dialogue To Politics And Closing

SPEAKER_01 40:29

Yeah I'd like to um I did talk about putting down the yellow pad but I picked one up again um and found that the facilitation work for me was something I brought immediately into our business. We own employment agencies and we trained our recruiters and our sales staff and even the admins and bookkeepers on how to do dialogue. When we are within our core they'll ask for a dialogue but they were a we were able to change the way we did everything from interviewing candidates to dealing with a client when there's a hard thing to discuss. And by mirroring and validating and empathizing with our clients there is a direct correlation between the work that we do and our bottom line we were able to see a rise in our sales a rise in our in our business and um it really works well in the business culture. The main difference I like to point out between a facilitator and a therapist is I work with people and I do a lot of consulting work. I work with people and we find out where they are and where they want to go and I try to help them map that direction and get there. Whereas Coco is able to work with them also with their past and be able to uncover some of the reasons why I stay away from the past completely.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

And I think what Kevin just brought up is about a culture too it's changed the culture of our home it's changed the culture of our family. And as Kevin said in the workplace for him I mean this is my workplace but you know being able to bring that culture to a community of people is so important. And Kevin and I are now working on bringing that same kind of culture thinking about our political situation and knowing that our friends that are Republican are not the enemy they're bright they're wonderful they have beautiful values but how do we talk about this and get beyond personalities and back to policy? How do we focus on what we share our shared vision for the country how do we break away from this nonsense and get back to what's really important in life and so we're also using the Imago structure in that way which has been really fascinating and really exciting. So anyway all the potential is there for the work that you will find in the structure of the Imago dialogue and the theory and thanks for being with us today and I'm looking forward to our next opportunity we're gonna have Susanna back for part two of her recovery and uh stay tuned for that next time have a great day and don't forget the relationship blueprint is where you unlock your power of connection tell your friends have a great day.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Bye bye