Finance Girlies: Money Conversations for Gen Z and Millennial Women

What the tradwife movement means for women's finances (re-release) / 82

Emily & Cassidy | Resident Finance Girlies Season 1 Episode 82

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0:00 | 29:50

This episode was previously available exclusively to our paid subscribers and is now being released to all listeners. We’re excited to share it with all the girlies out there! 

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The trad wife lifestyle is being sold as soft, simple, and secure.

But is it financially safe?

In this episode, we unpack what the trad wife movement actually promotes, how it differs from choosing to stay home, and why financial autonomy still matters — even inside healthy marriages. We look at the influencer contradictions, the real risks of economic dependence, divorce statistics, and a powerful real-life story that shows how quickly financial control can escalate.

If you’ve felt curious about this trend — or quietly unsettled by it — this conversation will help you separate the aesthetic from the economics.

✨ Episode Timestamps ✨

  • [00:00] Why the trad wife lifestyle took off
  • [03:30] What is a trad wife — and where did this movement come from?
  • [07:30] Trad wife vs. stay-at-home mom: What’s the difference?
  • [09:30] The influencer contradiction and the “not working” illusion
  • [12:30] Traditional Christian ideology and submission rhetoric
  • [15:00] Why this movement can create financial vulnerability
  • [20:00] Divorce, asset division, and the risk of economic dependence
  • [22:00] A Well-Trained Wife and a real story of financial control
  • [26:30] How to protect yourself financially in any marriage

✨ Resources ✨ 

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SPEAKER_01

We are gonna say something that might sound a little problematic, but hear us out. We kind of get why the trad wife movement is so appealing for women.

SPEAKER_00

A lot of us grew up reading Little House on the Prairie and watching Ina Garden cook cozy meals on Food Network. And then more recently seeing Joanna Gaines create this beautiful aesthetic farm life with her kids and farm animals and homemade everything. We're not saying any of these women are trad wives, and we don't think they are, but they do portray a version of traditional homemaking that feels really comforting.

SPEAKER_01

And I just want to throw in a little side note here that while Emily and I were preparing the outline for the episode, we had to stop every 15 minutes so she could stretch her sourdough. So yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_00

And it was worth it because I just baked the loaf this morning and it looks amazing.

SPEAKER_01

Yay! I love that. Our world also just feels very chaotic right now. It feels scary, it feels loud. And so, of course, too, there's this appeal to slow down, to focus on cooking and homemaking and raising your kids and really making your internal life as cozy, comforting, and safe as you possibly can. And if there is a world in which you can do all that without having to also juggle a full-time job on top of it, it might be even more appealing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, especially because research shows that women who work full-time still do almost twice as much unpaid labor as men who work full-time. Um, and then if you have kids, that gap gets even wider. So the fantasy of like opting out of the workforce, in some cases, when you think of it like that, it makes a little bit of sense.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we also know the dark side of what can happen when you're fully financially dependent on someone who turns out to be kind of unhealthy at best or manipulative or abusive at worst. And so that's why we wanted to make this episode today. And just to be clear, our job with this episode isn't to shame women or mock anyone's choices, but we just wanted to bring this conversation into the light and talk about the trad wife trend from more of a financial perspective.

SPEAKER_00

Quick pause before we dive in. Raise your hand if you've ever thought I should probably learn how to invest, but I just don't feel ready. Or maybe you do want to learn, you just don't have time to wade through the endless finance bro advice to find that 10% that actually makes sense.

SPEAKER_01

We hear that all the time, and honestly, we've been there. That's why we're creating a 60-minute workshop called Investing Before You're Ready. We're not financial advisors, and we kind of think that's the point. We're just two women who've pushed through the fear, have learned the stuff anyway, and want to walk you through the basics without pretending you already have to know everything.

SPEAKER_00

If you want to be the first to know when signups open, join our email list at thefinance girlies.com/slash newsletter. Are you drowning in money questions but too embarrassed to ask? Tired of scrolling endlessly through conflicting financial advice that leaves you more confused than when you started? Welcome to the Finance Girlies Podcast, your cozy corner for all things finance. I'm your host, Emily.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm your host, Kathy. We're both finance writers for brands like Forbes Advisor, USA Today Blueprint, and Yahoo Finance. Throughout our careers and personal lives, we have come to one realization. When we keep our money worries to ourselves, we end up feeling alone. That's why each episode we tackle those burning questions you've been afraid to ask with no judgment, no jargon, just real talk about real money. Ready to finally get answers? Let's dive in. So we're gonna start this episode by talking about what a trad wife is. Where did this trend even come from? And so I'm going to play us a 35-second clip by Amanda Mercott, who was interviewed on PBS in a 30-minute special called Tradwives versus Reality.

SPEAKER_02

So tell me, uh, what is a trad wife and how does it report with what you see online about it?

SPEAKER_03

So trad wives are these social media influencers who perform being submissive housewives with either like a 1950s aesthetic or often even a 19th century aesthetic. And they often present themselves as really living this like conservative Christians in a housewives role. But I think it's important to understand that they are mostly social media influencers selling the fantasy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so these women are romanticizing like more traditional gender roles, and it does go beyond just choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, because for a lot of these women, it's like believing in your bones that you are living how every woman should be, that like every woman who has a job or wants more than to be like a submissive wife and mother to children is wrong.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So there are kind of these popular trad wives that have like risen to uh I guess like the forefront of pop culture. So one of those is an account called Ballerina Farm. And you really can't read anything about Tradwives without coming across Ballerina Farm. So I'm not super familiar with this woman, but I find her whole story a little bit confusing. So based on what I can tell, she is a very successful businesswoman. She and her husband own a farm and sell all kinds of like produce that they make bread, flour, all of these different like agricultural products. She also has eight kids and wears these lawn, flowy dresses, cooks everything from scratch, has a garden, you know, all these things. But she's obviously very outwardly successful and makes a lot of money. So I think what I find confusing about this is people like this are promoting this lifestyle that's like women stay home, women don't work. They do all of these things to support their family and their husbands and their home. But trad wives like these are clearly making a ton of money as an influencer. And so they're not really housewives. They get dressed up and they perform in front of a camera, but they're not housewives in the traditional sense.

SPEAKER_01

This is kind of reminding me. I watched the show Miss America. It's a miniseries on Hulu that came out in 2020, I believe. It's about Phyllis Schlafley, who was very popular back in the women's rights movement because she was an opponent of the Equal Rights Amendment. She believed that women should work in the home and that that was their role and that they shouldn't want to work outside of the home. But the ironic thing is she also touted herself as the perfect example of this. Like, I am a homemaker, like I am a housewife. But the ironic thing is that she was making a ton of money selling her beliefs through the Phyllis Schlafley papers that she sold to all of these women. And so she was touting this lifestyle, but she was making a ton of money off of it as well. Therefore, she was a working woman who was bringing in an income. And so that's kind of the whole gist of it. But it reminds me of this same thing being played out. Like they're they're touting this lifestyle that they themselves don't even live.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Yeah. It sounds like Phyllis was the original trad wife. The original modern trad wife. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we also want to talk about what a trad wife is not. Trad wives are not the same as a stay-at-home mom. Plenty of women choose to stay at home because it's their personal choice, and maybe it makes the most sense for their relationship or their family or their season of life. But they're not taking an economic or religious stance about it. Unlike a trad wife.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I kind of think of it like I don't like if you're choosing to stay at home because it's your own choice, like you recognize that plenty of other women are out there living their lives in the way that they feel is best for them too. And you're not trying to project yourself onto them and be like, wow, you're doing it so wrong. Like, why are why are you not doing this?

SPEAKER_00

Right. And I think the big thing is like it's a choice, it's not like your destined role, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Totally.

SPEAKER_00

So Money with Katie did an episode about trad wives in the summer of 2024 with a guest, Caroline Burke, who is actually her current co-host on her newer podcast, Diabolical Lies. And the two of them were kind of talking about why the trad wife trend has taken off. And it's a really logical argument. So right now, life is hard for women with work and families and homes to take care of for a lot of different reasons. So some big ones are a lack of affordable childcare, lack of paid parental leave, for some people, even lack of sick days, and that 1950s ideal sounds a lot easier. I think where the trad wife trend kind of takes it the wrong direction is that instead of advocating for institutional change and policy change, these women are just opting out and even kind of glorifying that return to quote unquote traditional gender roles.

SPEAKER_01

I also love that they're glorifying a return to a time period in which they didn't exist.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, that whole 1950s thing, I think, needs to be questioned a little bit.

SPEAKER_01

It's like, do we really want to be living in the 1950s? If we had actually lived through them, we'd probably be saying no, right? But I do know that the Tradwife movement also appeals to you and that you keep getting fed YouTube videos about them. So do you want to tell us more about that?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, well, first of all, if you're listening, don't be alarmed. Well, let me explain. So the parts of like this trend that appeal to me are like living off the land, having a big garden and growing your food, like cooking a lot of things from scratch and like doing things yourself, sewing clothes. I don't know if that's part of Tradwife culture, but it seems like it might be. Yeah. Anyway, all of those things do appeal to me, and I do a lot of those things. So maybe for maybe for that reason, I recently started getting fed some videos on YouTube. Um, and for the record, you can attest to this. I don't spend a lot of time on social media, so like I don't think the algorithm knows me very well. I don't know, maybe that's naive.

SPEAKER_01

No, but uh no, I think you're right. It doesn't know you. It's but it's like, well, I know she likes gardening, and I know she likes sewing, and I know she likes cooking.

SPEAKER_04

So Crowdwife.

SPEAKER_00

So I started getting these videos on my YouTube feed from this woman. So she had some videos about personal finance and a lot about like cooking and meal planning and like saving money on food and like, you know, kind of that genre. Which like yeah, that interests me. And so I watched a couple of her videos out of curiosity and later found out that she's actually a Christian influencer, which really like startled me. So I think like what is particularly startling about this is that it really shows how like many parts of this Tradwife culture are like broadly appealing and can seem so harmless on the surface. So, like, for example, I'm like loving this cooking content, and then all of a sudden you're slapped with some like deeply radical ideology. For example, I watched this video from this influencer that is all over my YouTube now because I like gave in and watched some of the videos, of course. And it was about like three financial moves we're making for our kids or something like that. And one of them was we're not paying for our kids college, which at first I was like, okay, maybe they don't know if their kids plan to go to college or like the debt is you know overwhelming. No, the reason was they didn't want their kids to be radicalized or like be exposed to a radical environment. So it's just things like that, that like it's a bait and switch. They get you with this like very widespread appealing content, and then all of a sudden there's like this twist. Mm-hmm. That for me was like totally shocking.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I think it's so off-putting. I do agree that it's kind of this bait and switch where you're like, you're saying this thing or you're doing this thing that feels totally normal. Like, who wouldn't want to cook? Who wouldn't want to hear someone talk about like why they've made the financial decision to not save for their kids college when so many people are like stressing about not saving for their kids' college because they think it's what they should do. And then bam, you find out it's because I don't know, they they don't believe in college as an institution or something. But a lot of these like underlying beliefs stem from the fact that the trad wife movement piggybacks on traditional Christian values, and so it is taking these seemingly normal things and then adding all of this weird like context and ideology behind them. And so I want to play you this clip from an actual trad wife who is an influencer, so you can hear her thoughts on on why she believes everyone should be a trad wife.

SPEAKER_04

It kind of bugs me when modern women are doing it all. That's toxic. Because I think like all women be like in the kitchen. It's a strong, strong belief. I believe women are made to be mothers and wives. That is the way that God created us.

SPEAKER_00

I'm with the interviewer there. I was like, is she being serious?

SPEAKER_01

Is she is this satire? I think she is being very serious. Whether she is indoctrinated with some belief that really makes her feel this in her bones, I don't know. But yeah, I will say the interview goes on to say that she is originally from California. She did not go to college or anything like that, relocated to Tennessee because she wanted to be a trod wife. And I think that that is a very important piece of this movement, too, because I feel like a lot of these traditional Christian values that you are instilled with really do hinge on you staying small and not asking questions. And one way that you stay small and don't ask questions is to not go to college and expand your thinking. But yeah, she she echoes a lot of these Christian values that even I, as someone who did grow up in the evangelical Christian environment, was kind of handed as a kid. And those are things like a woman's highest calling is to be within the home. Like the man is the provider, the man's job is to lead, the woman's job is to serve. You should fully submit to your husband, he knows best, like submission is a virtue. And so she is kind of the embodiment of all of these. But I think the main thing that bugs me about this clip is the fact that she's like, it really bugs me that modern women are doing it all. That's toxic. Everyone should be doing exactly what I do instead. And that to me is a turnoff when when anyone has that mindset of like the world is doing it wrong, they should all do this thing exactly like I am, and it doesn't even have to be under the trad wife umbrella, it can just be like any aspect of your life. Are you that full of yourself that you believe that you are one exact way of doing it is the only way that the entire world or population should be doing it? Like that feels that feels wrong.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, which brings us to I think why the trad wife movement is so dangerous. Like at its core, I think it makes women vulnerable, but as we've said and personally admitted to, the aesthetic parts of it is broadly appealing. But at the same time, I don't think the risks are discussed enough. So let's kind of break those down one by one.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think the first big risk is just that trad wifing is not an accurate portrayal of how women live in real life. And there's this PBS video, which we'll link in the show notes, that goes on to talk about how, like, in reality, women live so very differently than this trad wife state of life that's being pushed. Because almost half of women aren't married. When women are married, 45% are either the breadwinners or they make as much money as their husbands. And then women control or at least have some part in controlling like 90% of household finances in a marriage, like 90% of women are playing some active role in their finances. And then also, like, you have to be in a very privileged position to even consider the lifestyle or not working outside of the home. Like I know you mentioned the the ballerina farm earlier, but like the husband in that situation is the heir to like the jet blue fortune, and then she also makes a ton of money influencing. So it's like, of course you can stay home. I'm at home right now working. You're just doing the same thing and saying that you're not working. But yeah, I also think another thing that's dangerous is just because all of that content exists, like it's so popular, these people have millions of followers, is that a lot of those followers are men, right? So then, like, men who consume this content are led to believe that women are okay with traditional gender roles, that it's okay to pursue and expect a woman to want these traditional gender roles, and then they go out into the real world and they find out that that's not the case a lot of times. You know, like women do still want to work, they do still want autonomy, they do still want to have a hand or a say or whatever. And so it just creates a lot of confusion about how gender roles work in in most relationships.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. The other interesting part of this and a big danger is like we've covered it before, but like the fact that trad wife influencers are promoting a lifestyle that they themselves don't really follow. They often make a lot of money as content creators, even though they're putting up this facade that, you know, they just stay at home, they just keep up their home, but that's not really the case. And in some ways, it almost feels a bit like an MLM. These women are making money by telling all of their followers, you know, you should live like me and not, you know, try to make money, yet at the same time, they're raking it in. So that's particularly misleading.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's like if you dig even an inch under the surface, you'll find out that this whole thing has no legs whatsoever. But people just aren't digging under the surface. They're just like, oh, but look at the video, like look at the look at the lifestyle. And also, like in the pop culture realm, I feel like we see this a lot with like really successful, famous people who decide to settle down. And so the one example I can think of, I did not follow this rabbit hole at all. So this is purely going based off of my memory. But when Millie Bobbi Brown decided to go live on a farm with her husband in rural Georgia, there were so many articles that were like, Millie Bobby Brown is a trad wife. And I would read those headlines and be like, no, she is not. She is a highly successful actress, she has product lines, you know, like she has made a fortune. And if she is choosing to not work as much and to go live on a farm somewhere in the country, she is living off of her money. And she can take that money and go do something else whenever she wants. Like, she is not a trad wife. And then also, just to bring Taylor Swift up, I feel like the same like kind of the same thing happened with her the second she got engaged to Travis Kelsey. People were like, is she gonna stop making money and become a trad wife? I'm like, she could stop making money and never make another cent in her life and go live on a farm too and make everything homemade, and she would still not be a trad wife. The girl's got her billions, like she's fine.

SPEAKER_00

Probably uh all the Swifties knew this long before I did. But the fact that she is so into sourdough, that's when I found out about it on New Heights. Another classic sign.

SPEAKER_01

I know, I know. But it's like you can also be into all of these hobbies. I mean, it's the same with you, right? Like you can be interested in sewing and cooking and having a garden and doing all of these things, and that doesn't mean Living in the country. Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you feel like your one calling in life is to submit to your husband and every single woman on the planet should be doing the same thing. Right. In the YouTube chord that we played earlier where they were interviewing the Troudwife, she does go on to say that like Adam wasn't created for Eve, Eve was created for Adam. Like we are put on this earth to like help our quote unquote Adams like do their jobs, and the interviewer goes, So you really believe that you were put on earth to serve Min? And she said, Well, not every man on the planet, but at least this one, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh. Yeah. So I don't know. Well, speaking of uh dangers, I think there's a real financial danger of this whole lifestyle. And there's this economist named Catherine Edwards who wrote a piece on this specific topic. And so she in this essay is arguing that like blindly kind of accepting this lifestyle is a serious threat to your financial well-being, especially when your relationship ends in divorce. So she says, it's cruel to think that staying at home with children was the right thing to do, only to find that it doesn't get you that far in divorce. But even if a judge doesn't order a non-working spouse to get a job, they'll probably need one anyway. And this is what makes me recoil in the face of the trad wife trend. It's advocating for women to put themselves in an incredibly precarious economic position. Totally financially dependent on your husband during marriage, translates to an abrupt shove into financial independence if he or you decide to end the marriage.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I I have seen this play out in real life with people that I love very dearly who chose to be stay-at-home parents for whatever reason, like they were not trot wives, but you know, like they dedicate their lives to this one thing, and then their marriage ends. And because they were fully financially dependent on their husband, they are at ground zero, experiencing all of the financial stress, all of the financial anxiety on this truly heightened level as they struggle to do literally whatever they can to make. Ends meet in hopes that, you know, things will get better with time, but a lot of times it does take time. Also, people don't go into marriages thinking that they'll get divorced most of the time, but I think the reality is that there is a very high chance that it could happen. And so you have to kind of like plan for or think about those things. As Emily and I were brainstorming what we wanted to talk about in this episode, we really wanted to bring up the book A Well-Trained Life by Tia Levings. And it's a real life example of the dangers of the Trid Wife movement. And it's a memoir. Emily and I would highly encourage you to read or listen to it if you want a bigger glimpse into this world. But she was raised very evangelical Christian. She was a teen in like the late 80s, early 90s, and she shares in her book about how the teachings of submission and male headship and biblical womanhood gradually shaped her marriage into the structure where financial control, isolation, and abuse were normalized under the language of faith. And I think one thing that makes her story so powerful and so relevant to this conversation that we're having today is that there were glaring red flags from the very beginning, but she was not taught to question them in the environment that she was raised in. And so even when she did try to question them, she was kind of brushed off by most of the people in her life and told not to worry about that. And then things escalated and got worse as they went on with time. But she was living out every single one of these traditional Christian values that like stands behind the Tradwife move movement, but in this situation that turned out to be very abusive.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and interestingly, I think the biggest reason she was able to escape and like kind of start her life over was the fact that she had been building kind of like this secret business all along. Blogging. I think uh if I remember correctly, at one point her husband knew about it, but I don't think he thought it was anything substantial. No, I just has a blog. Yeah. Yeah. It's her online journal. Yeah. But she was able to earn money from that and escape with her kids when she got to like this really pivotal point in her marriage.

SPEAKER_01

I grew up in this environment, and one of the books that Tia Levings references in her book is I Kiss Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. And in the book A Well-Trained Wife, she talks about reading this book and how it really shaped her idea of like how she should approach a partner and like what that should look like. And that book ended up, you know, determining kind of like who she ended up marrying. And that related to me because I read this book as an eighth grader. It was still making its rounds in the 2010s. And I also took it to heart. Like it was one of my favorite books. And so one thing that she mentioned in a well-trained wife is that she kind of felt like she had no autonomy over who ultimately ended up being her husband because the book teaches you that like it's all about who pursues you and that you should take choosing to date someone as the equivalent of already choosing to marry them. Like that's how carefully you need to weigh your decision of who you decide to date. But also, like you are not allowed to pursue anyone. Like it is the man's job to pursue you. So it's like the second someone comes along who shows an interest in you and you show an interest in them back and you agree to start dating them, in your heart, like you need to be so sure of this person that you will then go on to marry them. And there's kind of no control in that. Like you technically you do have control, but you don't feel like you have control because you're like, Well, I barely know you, but I know that I kind of like you, so I'm gonna go ahead and say yes to dating you because you're asking me. And then you don't find out until after the fact what type of person that they are. And in Tia Leving's case, it ended up being like an incredibly abusive and manipulative person. And so it's it's just problematic on so many levels.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Yeah. The other thing I thought of when you were talking was her friend started dating this boy, they broke up, and she said, you know, I'm just gonna wait until my dad chooses somebody for me to date and marry. And Tia's initial reaction to that was like, What? Like, that's crazy. But in the end, her situation was not much different. Her dad didn't choose her husband, but she did kind of fall into that marriage with, I think, a lack of autonomy totally.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I I think like this situation only makes sense if you end up, for better or worse, like accidentally marrying a very kind person who sees you as an equal, which I would imagine doesn't happen. It's like if the system hinges on the right person finding you for it to make sense, then what is that saying about the system itself? Like the system itself needs to be ripped down, it doesn't work if it only works in these specifically chosen situations.

SPEAKER_00

So clearly there are a lot of risks for people who adopt the trad wife lifestyle to the extreme. Um, and those risks, as in the case of T. Levings, like can be dire. But I think even for women in healthy marriages and everywhere in between, it's still important to know how to mitigate your financial risk in a marriage period. And on a broad level, that looks like playing an active role in your finances, even if you don't earn an income in the marriage and you're a stay-at-home parent. And you also need assets of your own in case the worst happens, you and your partner separate. So this could look like having your own bank account, having your own credit card and credit history, having an IRA, which is a retirement account, that you can have even if you're not a working parent. So there's something called a spousal IRA, which is an option for non-working spouses, and then having a prenup or a post-nup to kind of outline financial responsibilities in case the worst case happens. And we have two great episodes on prenups and postnups and and what they can entail that we will include in the show notes as well.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, this is a really excellent place to start, and a lot of it's very important to do on the individual level. But then beyond that, I think we also have to acknowledge like the bigger economic policy and societal change as well, and like more people need to be aware of it. Specifically in Tia Leving's book, it is a powerful example of what can happen when you embrace these traditional values. So we wanted to leave you with a quote from her website because if you think that the Tradwife movement is just a trend or something you see on TikTok, it's not and it can have dire consequences.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, Tia Leving says, It's been a long time since I was stuttering and hiding in a bedroom closet. And it also feels like yesterday. As I create videos, bylines, and my memoir about Christian fundamentalism, time feels urgent. TV shows like The Duggars 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On glossed up the hideous realities and made fundy life seem wholesome. But that delusion is dangerous. Our laws and women's rights specifically are impacted by high control religion right now. Our society is being shaped, our country is changing.

SPEAKER_01

So with that, we know this was a little bit of a different episode. We would embrace your feedback on whether you kind of like this more research-heavy format or not. But with that, we will see you next week for another free episode and next month for our next paid episode.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you for being a Finance Girlies Insider.

SPEAKER_01

We love you.

SPEAKER_00

Bye. That's a wrap on another episode of the Finance Girlies podcast. Nothing in this episode is meant to be taken as financial advice.

SPEAKER_01

Please do your own research and talk to a professional if you need advice. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review. Love ya. Bye.