Life is Delicious- Midlife, Menopause, Mindset, Miracles, Gen X Women, Empty Nest, Retirement, Self Improvement

The Courage to Rise Again: From Adversity to Self Love with Marni Spencer-Devlin

• Marnie Martin • Season 1 • Episode 10

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What happens when a woman who has endured unthinkable trauma reclaims her power and rewrites her story? Marni Spencer Devlin's journey from childhood abuse to addiction to extraordinary transformation will leave you breathless and inspired.

From her earliest memories of parental neglect and childhood molestation to the dark decade she spent as a drug-addicted, homeless criminal, Marni's story begins in places most of us can't imagine. But it's what happens next that makes her narrative so powerful. After turning herself in to authorities and serving time in prison, she made the profound choice to use her incarceration as personal rehabilitation rather than punishment.

The transformation that followed defies conventional wisdom about second chances. Not only did Marni build a multimillion-dollar marketing company with 70 employees after her release, but she eventually faced something even more challenging than her past: the emptiness of success without purpose. When a terminal hepatitis C diagnosis forced her to confront her mortality, she developed what she now calls "The Iceberg Principle" - the understanding that only 4% of who we truly are is visible to others, while 96% remains hidden beneath the surface.

Through candid conversation, Marni shares how she finally found genuine happiness not through external achievements, but by identifying and expressing her authentic self. Her insights about self-love and living purposefully offer profound wisdom for anyone feeling stuck, unworthy, or afraid to begin again.

Her new memoir "PHOENIX" dives deep into her exceptional story of overcoming adversity, transforming herself and most importantly, learning to love herself and thrive, leaning into a beautiful new life.

Whether you're facing adversity, searching for meaning, or simply need proof that transformation is always possible, this episode will remind you that your past doesn't define your future. As Marni so beautifully states, "You are powerful, you are worthy, and you can rise again."

Get YOUR Copy of "PHOENIX" here:

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Email: lifeisdeliciouspodcast@gmail.com

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Speaker 1:

Hey, beautiful friends, it's Marnie Martin, and you are going to love today's episode. Our guest today is a powerhouse human and her story is going to blow your mind. From her early beginnings of molestation and abuse to drug addiction, homelessness and even serving prison time, marnie Spencer Devlin has triumphed over epic adversity, rebuilt her life and found a new sense of purpose. She's not only the author of several books, including her new memoir Phoenix. She is also a transformational artist, an executive coach and a dynamic, sought-after speaker. If you have ever thought that you are not enough or that second chances are only for the lucky ones, then you are in the right place and this episode is for you. So stick around. You're not going to want to miss this.

Speaker 1:

I'm a multi-passionate entrepreneur, best-selling author, foodie and voiceover artist, and I created the Life is Delicious podcast with one simple mission in mind to help you add more flavor to your life and to help you write your own recipe for a life that feeds your soul. I'm so glad you're here. This episode of Life's Delicious is brought to you by Happy Is Not An Accident, a guided journal with awesome, inspiring prompts, exercises and deep, thought-provoking questions to help you gain massive clarity about what lights you up, what weighs you down and who you want to become, while you write your own unique and delicious recipe for a life that feeds your soul. You can get your copy at lifeisdeliciousca forward slash bookshelf. That's lifeisdeliciousca forward slash bookshelf. Welcome, marnie, to the show. I'm so grateful to have you here. You are a powerhouse woman and your story is incredible.

Speaker 2:

Marnie, thank you so much for having me on your show. I mean, I always feel as Marlene if need to stick together, and so I'm particularly excited to be on your show today. The things that you and I talk about are so similar. We're all talking about helping particularly women live their best life and rise to the best that they can be, and so I zeroed in on you recent times with your latest book that you had come out, the Journal. I loved that. I actually bought it and because there's just so many great ideas in there that I feel would help my clients. It's just you have a great way of helping people figure themselves out.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I thank you. I appreciate that. It's something I'm very passionate about, and that's why I wanted to have you on the show as well, because your story is so inspiring, it's so juicy and layered, and I really look forward to having our listeners learn more about you. So take me back to a young Marnie, and how did you kind of get started in the beginning of some of this trauma that you went through?

Speaker 2:

Well, my story was a bit of a roller coaster ride, and I'm dating myself a little bit. My parents were both survivors of the Second World War and had not come away from it very easily. Both of them just really shattered. And then those two shattered people meet and get together and then they have me as a child, and my mother had already had two children, two young sons, and her husband didn't come back from the war and then she married my father and she just did not want another kid. She was looking for a provider and for a father for her existing kids. She did not want another kid. She was really suffering from depression and had a really hard time, and so I just kind of got the short end of the stick.

Speaker 2:

I know my parents did the very best that they could, but I just sort of got a lot of messages that, oh, you'll never amount to nothing. My father said to me once oh, you better marry soon because you're not all that bright and you're not going to be able to make it in life. So it's all these messages that I walked away with that were not particularly helpful. Add to that to the mix that my mother's second son, my brothers, were 12 and 14 years older than me. So I came along very late and my one brother molested me pretty much early on for the first 10 years of my life. And when that comes along and why I think why molestation is such a particularly damaging thing is because it happens during the time when you're supposed to be developing this idea that you're this worthy human being and then someone comes and abuses you during those early years. It is very detrimental.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and that would really impact your attachment style and the way you identify with what love and connection is.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, absolutely, without even knowing that, because that's all you know. It's how you grow up, so yeah, you're very right on that.

Speaker 2:

Marnie. And then add to that that my father had this strange idea again that I should get married very early. So at 12 years old he set me up on a date with this young man. And I'm this gawky 12 year old, I mean, I'd never been on a date, nor had I ever wanted to go on a date and it was an awkward affair. And on the way home after the dinner, instead of taking me home to my parents, he took me into a secluded parking lot and raped me. That's my next introduction to human beings. And then later on, at 14, I got raped again and then I met what was my high school crush and I thought he would take me away from all these horrible things. So I got married very early. I got married at 17, right around the same time that I was discovered as this professional model.

Speaker 2:

And at first my young husband was all proud that his wife's a model, until he realized that that meant that people were looking at me, People were looking at his wife and he was insanely jealous. And he was just getting crazier and crazier and I didn't see it. And one day he just trying to find a way to control me. He wanted me to stop modeling, which of course I didn't want to do. And so one day he came home with heroin, with a syringe of heroin and I had no connection to any of that in my life.

Speaker 2:

But he did it very intentionally with the idea he would talk me into taking that he would get me hooked on heroin so that he would be able to control me. I didn't want to do it, and it took him many hours to talk me into it. And then finally he called me a chicken and I didn't want to be a chicken. So I said yes, and so that was the start to me becoming addicted to drugs. And he also beat me and it was really awful. So eventually I got away from him, but because it was just so dead inside I didn't really care how much he threatened me anymore, but I could not get away from the drugs.

Speaker 1:

It's amazing, though that so often and we hear this when we hear stories about people that even though it's broken and it doesn't work, you still go looking for something that is kind of similar to what you know right. So, meeting that man thinking he was going to be different. But probably there were some signs you know with that that he was going to not treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, but of course I didn't realize that then, in order to have something different in your life, you have to offer something different, and I didn't know to offer anything different. I put forth the same energy that I had from childhood on, and so, yeah, of course I got exactly the same thing over and over again, and so he really couldn't be anything other than what I had already experienced. It gets better, but for the next 10 years it didn't get better. For the next 10 years I was a junkie and there were the things that you read about in the papers and I was a criminal and I became a prostitute and it was just an awful life. Eventually, I ended up homeless. I was just like those people that you see in the corner dirty homeless, like those people that you see in the corner, you know, dirty homeless. And that's a really, really tough thing, because it's just so dirty around you and so cold and so ugly that something in me just burst open and I said to myself you know what I deserve? Better than this, and that was probably the first time in my life that I ever felt I deserved anything, and that was probably the first time in my life that I ever felt I deserved anything. So it was sort of my bit for rising upward and I didn't have any concept of what that meant. I just knew I deserved better.

Speaker 2:

And I turned myself into the police, where you know I committed crimes and I wanted to just face it all and get it over with. I write about that in my book Phoenix, and that story is almost a bit funny, because there would normally, as a known junkie, I would be arrested constantly, and that day when I wanted to get myself arrested, wanted to turn myself, and nobody wanted me. It took me all day long in that court to get somebody to pay attention to me and arrest me so that I could start my life over again. And so I did. And I was hoping that because I turned myself in I would just get a little slap on the wrist and then, you know, just do a little bit of time and then start my life. But it was not to be. I was actually sentenced to prison, state prison.

Speaker 1:

Well, that certainly took an enormous amount of courage. Paint us a picture of what was going through your mind at that time.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I was terrified. I cannot describe to you, marnie, how scared I was of that, but I was sentenced to two years in prison. When I was first sentenced I really thought oh, this is it. God hates me and cannot forgive me for all the horrible things that I did, and there was just no way out for me, no redemption. But then I also thought, you know, I had really kind of come to the opinion that everything happens for a good reason and I thought maybe there is some good in this, maybe I can get something out of this. And that really is how it turned out to be.

Speaker 2:

It turned out to be the best thing that had ever happened to me. I'd been this junkie, I'd been on the street, and so what would made me think that I would just suddenly just turn around and go okay, everything's going to be fine from now on. So I decided to look at my prison time sort of as my personal rehab and I could focus on myself. For better or for worse, you're taken care of. I mean, I had a bed to sleep in and I had a place to stay, and I decided to use that time to really better myself and I worked out, I exercised, I developed myself spiritually and just really. After the two years were over, I was a completely new person.

Speaker 1:

What an amazing testament to the resilience of the human spirit and what a wonderful gift you gave yourself, turning yourself in and giving yourself a chance to begin again.

Speaker 2:

I think everything is always what you make it, and for me, I had decided as soon as I got in there I'm going to make this a good experience for myself. And there are crazy things that happen in there, of course, and you know it is prison and things aren't always all that pleasant, but for the most part, for that matter, there's drugs in there and you could get drugs. The first place where I took, I had roommates and they used on a daily basis, and so it was certainly there. I decided I just did not want that anymore. So I got myself moved to a different room and that worked out and it just I was a completely different person by the time I got out.

Speaker 2:

So you were able to see this horrible experience as a sort of silver lining just hit bottom. I just couldn't go any lower. I didn't have it in me to say, oh, there's a rise, there's a silver, or I can rise or I'm worthy. None of that was a concept for me in my life. I had no idea that I could rise or that I was worthy of anything. I just knew I didn't deserve this. And if you think about it, they always say, oh, you have to hit bottom. Well, what does that really mean If you're in a pool or something and you can't swim, and so you sink down to the bottom? Only when you really hit down to the bottom can you push off and propel yourself upward. So I propelled myself upward because I wanted to breathe, and so I came to the surface and I took my first real breath as a worthy human being.

Speaker 1:

Wow, what an interesting way of seeing rock bottom as a way to propel yourself back to where you truly belong. So what happened next, once you got out of prison?

Speaker 2:

Somebody gave me a job. Somebody gave me a chance. They gave me a job in a marketing company me a job. Somebody gave me a chance. They gave me a job in a marketing company and it turned out marketing was something that I really enjoyed and I was good at and I excelled in that job and it was great and it was just wonderful to excel at something that was, you know, good.

Speaker 1:

I remember you saying in a previous conversation we had that a lot of people believe that once you've been to prison, that your life is basically over and that no one will ever see you the same way or give you a chance. But you refuse to believe that.

Speaker 2:

Well, everything comes from inside of you. You can say that, and then that can be true, and everything that you say and see will show up that way and nobody will give you a chance. But I had changed my mind before already, and so somebody did give me a chance. What you say is true is true for you, and how wonderful is that. To know that, to know there's no outside influences that exert any kind of power over you other than your own beliefs, your own thoughts, and it's magic.

Speaker 1:

It is magic. I speak a lot about the agreements we make with ourselves through our thoughts and our words, and it's so incredibly powerful. We are incredibly powerful.

Speaker 2:

It just worked for me. You know, I'm rising, I'm good at this job. And a couple three years later rising, I'm good at this job, and a couple three years later, I started my own company and I was somehow good at that. I'm not saying it was easy, I mean I worked myself to death. I worked 24 hours a day, but I was so determined to make a better life for myself that I sort of enjoyed that too, and I enjoyed standing back and going. Look at you, girl, look at what you're doing. I have a company now and sometimes it's really insane, but I did. I did it. I was doing it.

Speaker 1:

That is so beautiful to hear that you were able to take all the pain in your past and channel it into something beyond your previous ability to thrive.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. That pain does not have to drag you down. It can be a catalyst to a completely new life, and that's really what it was for me Beautiful.

Speaker 1:

So tell me how the next chapter of your life played out, because it certainly was night and day to where you had been, and also why the title of your book, phoenix, is so incredibly poignant and perfect.

Speaker 2:

The company kept on getting bigger and bigger and I started hiring more and more employees and all of a sudden, my life is completely changed. You got to think, not that long ago, what felt like to me a minute ago? I was homeless and now I'm buying myself a mansion in Southern California overlooking the ocean, and I have brand new cars in the garage and hobnobbing with the rich and famous, and I'm a sponsor of the symphony. I mean, I was living a completely different life and it came out of that trajectory of I deserve better and better, got better and better and better and better and better. There's really no end to how good it can get, and that's true for everybody.

Speaker 1:

Yes, it is. And isn't it interesting that we quite often impose our own glass ceilings onto our lives when, if we really allowed ourselves to get out of our own way, we could do so much more? So how did you navigate this completely new life?

Speaker 2:

Well, you know, navigating that life is actually a really good way of putting it, Marnie, because it really. It was so different from anything I'd known. You know, coming from being told I'm stupid and I'm still. I still thought I was stupid but somehow I just thought all this stuff happened to me. And from being told that'm stupid and I'm still, I still thought I was stupid but somehow I just thought all this stuff happened to me. And from being told that I would not amount to anything.

Speaker 2:

And then all of a sudden I look and I'm a multimillionaire and it's, it just was so crazy and I'd worked so hard and I was really proud of myself for having and I used to go to the computer and look at the number of my net worth just to, because I couldn't believe it, just keep looking at it, because the really weird thing was here. I live in this beautiful home, I'm looking straight out on the ocean and I got these big numbers on my net worth, but I wasn't happy Interesting, I wasn't happy. And then of course I was berating myself, because I'm used to berating myself. So it's like what the heck is wrong with you? You've got it all, you worked so hard, you've got it all and you're still not happy. You've been successful. You have all these people. I have 70 employees at that point.

Speaker 2:

Wow, that's a lot All these people looking up to me and looking to me for their livelihood and I was proud of that. But I wasn't happy and I couldn't figure out what the heck that was all about and I was really kind of spiraling. On that one, I finally went on antidepressants because I was really getting suicidal because I thought there was just no hope for me. Now things are so good and I'm really getting suicidal Because I thought there was just no hope for me. Now things are so good and I'm still not happy, not feeling.

Speaker 2:

Every morning I wake up and I'm depressed and and I just couldn't figure it out. And then all of a sudden I started starting to feel bad and I'm starting to be tired all the time. And then I thought, like you said, well, maybe I'm just working too much. And I went to the doctor and he says oh, you know what? You're just getting old. And all of a sudden guess what? I discovered that I have hep C, hepatitis C, and it was a particularly bad strain and I was getting sicker and sicker and they told me I had about a year to live.

Speaker 2:

Wow, that's scary. That was a shocker. You know, all of a sudden I have all this and now, none of it really means anything, and I'm looking at, I'm not going to be here by Christmas. What was this crazy life all about? Am I here for any reason at all? Am I just some cosmic joke? I just came and it was bad, and then it got good and now I'm gone. I just really had this dark night of the soul when I just came face to face with myself. I'm just, I'm going to end right here, and it was such an extreme moment for me and all of a sudden, this peace just overcame me. But it doesn't really matter. All this working hard is not what it's all about. I just have to be who I am. I exist. I have to be who I am, and that alone, all of a sudden, I felt a certain peace and I felt a happiness.

Speaker 1:

And how did you find the? Did it make you sort of realize that you had a short time to do whatever you had left to do? So you better appreciate it and lean into it. Is that where you were kind of feeling?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I had that idea and that's where that concept of the iceberg principles was born. I had this. I did a lot of meditating, a lot of introspection, trying to find a way out of it and I realized that we sort of are a little bit like an iceberg. Like you know, when you look at an iceberg or, for that matter, an ice cube, if you've got a glass of water in front of you, you'll see that most of the ice cube is underwater and only a tiny, tiny bit shows actually at the surface. And it's always the same percentage it's 96% is hidden and only 4% are on top.

Speaker 2:

And I thought, you know, it's really the same thing with human beings, because who we are, what shows what's sitting in your chair right now, is really only 4% of who you are, only 4% of who you are. And if I see and I look at you, I see you're pretty blonde and you're all and I know you're obviously interested in things and you have a podcast, but it doesn't really tell me what really makes you tick and what you're all about. All the things that who you really are don't show on the surface and we could have some horrible accident where God forbid you lose your arm. You're always going to be, oh, the girl that lost an arm. But all those things that make you tick, the things that you're interested in, your talents, your gifts, all those things, they would never be affected by that. They would still be the same.

Speaker 2:

So the intangible aspects are exactly. They're really what we are about and it's about, I think, life is about figuring out what are those intangible aspects, what is it who we really are, and to express that in the 4% in the surface and showing that.

Speaker 1:

That's a really great concept because we are so much deeper than we appear and I think it's really important to lean into those gifts and to be able to use them and bring them to the surface more often.

Speaker 2:

Isn't that cool. I mean, really the concept was so, it just hit me at the time. But I mean, that's sort of what your work is all about. You know your last book, the Happy Accident, figuring out your own recipe and figuring out who am I really? What is it that is in my 96%, in my intangible? What doesn't show on the surface and what can I express on the outside?

Speaker 1:

And what's so fascinating about that is that what a lot of people don't realize, just like a lot of your experience, what you went through, where you feel like you're just at the will of what's happening to you, but we actually get to create what happens to us and what we allow into our life, what we allow into our mental and emotional space, and that's something that I think, once you figure that out, all of a sudden everything shifts.

Speaker 2:

That's exactly what happened with me. Everything shifted. From this realization came in this dark night of the soul, came this idea of the reason. I'm not happy Because in all that time and with all that hard work I never really asked myself it's what is in my 96%, what would I really love to express? I kept on going to my net worth and my computer and looking at the numbers and it meant nothing to me and I thought at the time oh well, that means because I'm ungrateful and I'm not grateful. No, but you know what? The reason it didn't mean anything to me is because money doesn't mean that much to me. It's that hardworking and that glitzy lifestyle and that $100,000 sports car in the garage doesn't mean that much to me. It's not who I am.

Speaker 1:

What did you figure out was really at the core of your 96%?

Speaker 2:

Well, for me personally, what happened is well, they tell me, I have a year to live, so I really kind of have to get my affairs in order. My business went away and that's a whole nother story, but that was gone. I had a bunch of real estate. I was all over the place and I sold all that. I just sort of divested myself, got myself ready to leave, got my affairs in order, and then I thought what do I do now? I'm going to spend my time doing the things that I really love, which for me, is art. I'm an artist Also. I do large scale paintings. At the time I was doing portraiture and people loved my portraiture and I was doing that. And then I thought well, you know what my story is so crazy? People had always told me oh, you should write a book, and so I sat down and I wrote my first book. It was called Crawling Into the Light.

Speaker 1:

Great title, by the way.

Speaker 2:

It's not as good as Phoenix. Phoenix is much better. Phoenix is also my memoir. Phoenix is better. Yeah, I've got four books under my belt by now, but it's my story. And so here I am, all of a sudden. I'm a writer and I'm an artist and I'm happy these days. I'm happy because I am expressing what's in me and I'm bringing that out and that's what's meaningful to me and that's where my joy lies. It wasn't in the money, it wasn't in the working hard, it wasn't into all of that. When you figure out who you are and bring that out, your purpose in life is to be who you are.

Speaker 1:

Self-actualization is a big piece of that, and so much of what's interesting is that, even if you're similar to someone else, there is nobody in the world that can bring whatever gift you have or gift.

Speaker 2:

Isn't that fascinating. Out of 8 billion people, I mean, sometimes you go see and you've seen a big crowd and everybody's sort of funny looking and everybody's sort of weird. But the thing that always strikes me is nobody is like anybody else, everybody's unique, and why would the universe bring forth such an incredible diversity if it weren't for its expression? That's it. Everyone's job is to be who they are and realize that. You are here. There's only one, you and you should show up, and that's what the fun is anyway. I mean, those are the things that are the most fun. Why do you like what you like? Because that expresses you the most. So figure out what you like and do that.

Speaker 2:

Life's not so hard really. We make it really hard, we're really good at that. But it was living somebody else's agenda. They told me work hard and make a lot of money and you'll be happy. And that's not true. You have to be you in order to be happy. You know before, when my mom not really loving me and not really anybody being there I was chasing love all my life, looking, trying to find somebody to love me, and ended up in a whole lot of ugly places, feeling unlovable and getting exactly that mirrored back to me, and so I was abused everywhere. But once I finally recognized myself, I became a friend to myself. I finally listened to my inner voice and said you know, do the things that I wanted to do. Then, in that process, I became a friend to myself and so I stopped having to look for love outside of me and I learned to love myself. It might sound really kind of corny, but that's really true.

Speaker 1:

It is true, and that's where all the magic lies in the learning to love ourself and to get to know ourselves intimately, so that we can find our center and stay grounded in our authentic self, no matter what the world throws at us.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, and doesn't it just feel? Life feels great when you love yourself.

Speaker 1:

I'm so grateful that you have chosen to take your story and to share it with people so that they can understand that it's not always the end of the road. When things don't go the way you think they are. There's always another way.

Speaker 2:

Well, thank you so much and again, thank you for giving me the opportunity to just really express that message. That's just my happiness to tell people that you are powerful, you are worthy and you can rise again.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. I'm so glad we got to have this conversation, so I definitely will link in the show notes all of your books and where people can find you. But maybe just tell them where they can find you on social media if they want to connect with you directly.

Speaker 2:

I can go to my website, which is MarnieSpencerDevlincom all written in one word. You can find Marnie Spencer Devlin on Facebook and on Instagram as well. My books are all on Amazon. It's probably easiest if you go under my author name first Marnie Spencer Devlin.

Speaker 1:

And that's, by the way, marnie with an I and I have Marnie with an E, so if you're looking for Marnie Spencer Devlin, you got to do it with just M-A-R-N-I. Thank you for being here. Marnie again, be well. Wow, what a powerful episode and what a fascinating woman who has gone through adversity and has managed to rise from the ashes just like a phoenix. Here are a few of today's takeaways from our conversation. It's never too late to rise upward.

Speaker 1:

No matter how bleak your circumstances have been, you can always choose something better. The natural rhythm of the universe is that after the dark there is always light. What you say is true is always true for you. Use your words and thoughts carefully to tell a better story and watch your life change right before your eyes. The sky is the limit.

Speaker 1:

We don't need to believe that we can only achieve so much or that we can only deserve this much good, because we are capable of anything we can imagine for ourselves. Your pain does not have to drag you down or define you. It can be a catalyst for something amazing. We have to be who we truly are, and without apology. Only a small portion of who we truly are is visible at any given moment, just like an iceberg. We are so much deeper. It is our birthright to use and bring our unique gifts to the surface and allow them to shine. Expressing who we are and who we are meant to be in this world is where the real joy lies. Life doesn't have to be hard. We make it that way all by ourselves. The best friend you will ever have is yourself, so treat yourself with the same care and respect you would treat your best friend. This is my favorite. You are powerful, you are worthy and you can rise again.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for being here today. If you want to grab your copy of Marnie's book Phoenix, you can find a link at lifeisdeliciousca forward slash bookshelf. That's lifeisdeliciousca forward slash bookshelf. I hope you loved today's episode and that it gave you some inspiration and wisdom to transform your own life, and if you did, I would love it if you would share this with someone you love who maybe needs a little inspiration of their own. Don't forget to subscribe, and I would also love it if you would do me a huge favor and take 30 seconds to leave me a review on Apple Podcasts. This is the only way that I actually know that you're enjoying the show and it really helps other listeners find us as well. Finally, come on over to my free online Facebook community at Life is Delicious. We have juicy conversations and other special content that I only share in the group. I'll be back next week and I hope you'll join me right here on Life is Delicious.