Life is Delicious- Mindset Mastery, Midlife Empowerment, Joy, Purpose, Vitality, Inspiration, Women's Health

12: Delicious Dating in Midlife- Creating Conscious Love Connections with Andrea Atherton

• Marnie Martin • Season 1 • Episode 13

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Delve into the profound world of mindful love and conscious relationships with psychotherapist Andrea Atherton, who brings over three decades of experience to this illuminating conversation. Getting right to the core of relationship challenges, Andrea reveals why most couples struggle with communication and offers a revolutionary "containment process" that creates space for partners to truly feel heard during difficult conversations.

Singles navigating midlife dating will find particular value as Andrea exposes how dating apps have evolved to prioritize keeping users engaged rather than making successful matches. Her candid insights on creating authentic dating profiles, the importance of in-person connections, and why "we can't order our meat on Amazon" provide a refreshing perspective on finding love in the digital age.

What sets this episode apart is the powerful cake analogy that emerges: we must each be a complete, delicious cake before seeking a partner to be our "icing." This fundamental shift in thinking challenges the romantic notion that another person completes us, instead emphasizing personal wholeness as the foundation for healthy relationships. Andrea advocates for the "slow burn" approach to relationship building—taking time to establish friendship first, maintaining separate interests outside the relationship, and understanding that it can take two years to truly know someone.

Whether you're single, newly coupled, or navigating relationship transitions like the empty nest phase, this episode offers practical wisdom for creating deeper, more authentic connections. Learn to take responsibility for your own happiness, communicate with intention, and approach love with mindfulness rather than fantasy. Ready to transform your relationship with yourself and others? This conversation might just change everything you thought you knew about love.

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Speaker 1:

Hey, beautiful friend, it's Marnie. Today we're going to be talking about all things relationships. I'm not sure where you're at in your life, whether you're a single gal or a guy, or you're in a committed married relationship. That seems to be shifting because of different transitions, like the empty nest syndrome, or maybe just you need a little tune-up. We are going to be talking about communication styles and, specifically, conscious relationships and mindful love, with our expert, andrea Atherton. She is a seasoned psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience, and she is passionate about supporting her clients in reclaiming their wholeness. She helps them cultivate a deeper, more authentic relationship with themselves and their partner. She's also the host of the Love Anarchy podcast, where she has deep conversations and challenges the status quo of what real mindful love can be. As a single midlife woman myself, I know how hard it is to navigate the online dating landscape, and being at this age of our life presents some unique challenges but also can offer some unique advantages. So we're going to break it all down for you into some real, tangible advice. So stick around, because you're not going to want to miss this. Welcome to this.

Speaker 1:

Episode of Life is Delicious. I'm your host, marni Martin, a multi-passionate entrepreneur, a best-selling author, a voiceover artist and a hot midlife mama. Literally, I created the Life is Delicious podcast with one simple mission in mind to help strong, beautiful midlife women just like you reclaim your power and turn up the volume on your inner voice so that you can write your own unique recipe for a next chapter life that feeds your soul. I'm so glad you're here. It's an honor to get to spend a little time with you each week and if this is your first time here, welcome to the Life is Delicious family. Before we get started, I wanted to let you know about my new book. Happy is Not an Accident. It's a guided journal that I created with awesome, inspiring prompts, exercises and deep, thought-provoking questions to help you gain massive clarity on what lights you up, what weighs you down and who you want to become as you rewrite your own recipe for a next chapter life that feeds your soul. You can get your copy at lifeisdeliciousca forward slash bookshelf. That's lifeisdeliciousca forward slash bookshelf.

Speaker 2:

I'm excited to have you here. You have so much knowledge and stories that you can share with us, and today we're going to be talking specifically about relationships in the mid part of our life and how challenging they can be. Before we get into that, tell me a little bit about your background and your podcast, which is Relationship Anarchy. So you have a really interesting take on how to bring relationships to light.

Speaker 3:

So tell us about that, yeah, a lot of. Well, I'll work backwards. Love Anarchy podcast in US. What does the anarchy mean? Anarchy is just challenging the things we've been taught, zero to seven in our lifetime. What we see, what we hear, becomes really a part of our neuropsychology and part of our beliefs about ourselves and relationships, and part of our beliefs about ourselves and relationships. So, going in there, I invite people from all over, like yourself, to share their little piece or facets of what they can share about becoming more mindful and conscious in love.

Speaker 3:

But going back to, well, I was an art major and then in 1997, got my degree in art therapy. Just kind of spring from there. I felt like I was an art major and then in 1997 got my degree in art therapy. Just kind of spring from there. I felt like I was always a pioneer, one of the first dual diagnosis counselors with substance abuse and mental health. Then I got into bringing in spirituality and more of that mindful piece of deepening relationships, more of that mindful piece of deepening relationships and back and forth. I've been doing couples therapy but for the past eight, nine years I've been doing a great deal of it, bringing in this conscious relationship blueprint. So I'm still a psychotherapist. I see individuals and I see couples, but then I my office online, but I also see people all over the world for coaching.

Speaker 2:

I love that and I love that. You call it mindful love. So what exactly? Tell me, what does that exactly mean and how does it differ from other types of coaching on the relationship spectrum?

Speaker 3:

That's a good question, because some people are fine with that. I don't. You know, I don't want to say it's all superficial, but maybe more traditional ways of having relationship and I think I find people who are interested. Maybe one or both people are either spiritual, more sensitive, and they're wanting a deeper connection, but don't know how to get there. Not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy along with you know, intellectual intimacy and then also shared values and having a lot more deep connection and communication which deepens it, learning how to be vulnerable, learning how to really let your significant other in.

Speaker 2:

So what is the biggest challenge that you see through when you have couples coming in, especially in this phase of life? What's the biggest theme that they're struggling with?

Speaker 3:

That's, yes, good question. A couple of things come to mind. The thing that they come in they complain about is arguing, not being able to resolve the ongoing arguments, and I can tell you a little bit later why that happens. Communication, being able to sit down and communicate and feel heard or in, at least like their partners, trying to understand. So the two causes of that, I wanna say, is a lot of us go in and believe our way of seeing love or seeing relationships is the right way.

Speaker 3:

And with love, with most things, it's very gray. And if you go in and say no, I think we need to be doing this because I believe so, it's a compromise within the relationship. It's about how you know how can we both get our needs met. What is the deeper issue? What do you want to feel that you're not getting? And I think because of communication and because of lack of understanding or being able to break down those beliefs about their lovability and about what they saw as children, what relationships were, what they told, were told they were, gets in the way. Nobody can make you feel anything Right, and I agree, yes. And then the second piece, the communication, is basically we're not taught to listen. We hear about on a bad day, 20% of what people are saying, but on a good day only 50% if we really try and there's certain attunement skills and container making skills to really allow your partner to express everything that people don't know how to do.

Speaker 2:

So is that something that you teach people Like you have a step-by-step system to teach people how to be better listeners?

Speaker 3:

Yep, I call it. Yeah, it's a containment process. So first I talk about you know what they think is lacking in, you know in their, their skillset, and then the first thing I do is have them practice and it's really hard in their skill set. And then the first thing I do is have them practice, and it's really hard. They avoid talking because they want to avoid conflict. So have them sit down and actually talk about a topic that might bring up conflict and create a container.

Speaker 3:

And what this first step consists of is allowing your partner just to focus on them, not your response, not what you think is right, but I'm like being a detective and asking them. Let's say the wife says you know, I feel like I'm always cleaning up and you don't even realize that things aren't clean, and then he'll respond once he practices. So what I hear you saying is you don't feel like I have the awareness of what needs to be cleaned around the house, Is there more? And then you let your partner say everything until they are you done? Yeah, I'm done, Can I have, can I be in the container now? And then you can respond. Or your partner can respond and get heard. Everything gets listened to People don't escalate and get angry when they feel heard.

Speaker 2:

That's impressive. I love that and and really empowering, because so often we are triggered by those little things Like you say. You argue about where the flowers are or that the dishes weren't done, but often it's a deeper meaning. It has nothing to do with the dishes, it has to do with what happened maybe earlier in the day, but now it's coming out as the dishes are the issue, and that's where all the confusion comes from. Right.

Speaker 3:

It's often comes from unmet needs. I mean it goes that deep but you can't just dive in there, because I think a lot of it's subconscious. It's about needs that you didn't get as a child. That creep up and will mirror back in your adult relationships.

Speaker 2:

Do you find that you have quite a few people in midlife that are in that single space, that are struggling Because we're in a really different landscape now than we were many years ago, where we would meet people much more organically than we do now. So what kind of challenges are you seeing coming up with that?

Speaker 3:

Well, I could start with my personal experience. So I was 37 when we divorced and I gave myself time, you know, to get established as a part-time single mom. You know, going back and forth, you know, worked on myself, which is a foundation thing that I'll talk about down the line. But I went out there and I'm like, okay, what's this online dating thing and this? It was only out for a couple years. But listen, I will tell you, at the beginning these sites touted themselves for making matches.

Speaker 3:

Look we OKCupid. Look at all the matches we made. Look at da, da, da da. And then, over the years, they realized they didn't profit from making matches. They profited from keeping people on. So they changed the algorithms to keep the people on, especially the people who get a lot more hits. So if you're more attractive or more affluent, you're going to get less matches, unfortunately, and sometimes they'll even use even if you go off or you no longer have a subscription, they will keep your profile up there just to look like it's some padding too. So, knowing that, I've been trying to crack the code, but they keep changing the algorithms on me.

Speaker 2:

Well, you know, what's fascinating about that is I've been married twice and when I met my second husband, it was right about the same time, I would say, because you and I are very similar in age. Yeah, I was. I think mine was called kisscom and I was literally on there and I was mortified that I was on a dating site. I was just like I can't, I don't know how I got here, but I thought, well, just try it and see what happens. And I literally, I think I was on there for maybe two weeks and I met my husband and we both got off and we ended up I mean, it was just instant together, it was a match, it was a great match and we were married for 10 years. Oh yeah, Awesome. So I know it works. But you're right. Back in those days, I think the matches they touted themselves as that's a thing. Back in those days, I think the matches they touted themselves as that's a thing, and it was easier. Now I find the online spectrum.

Speaker 3:

You two, do you agree with me?

Speaker 2:

A hundred percent and I think it's you know, it's that I didn't really realize the algorithm had shifted, which makes sense because it's like anything right, they want to make money off of it. But I think it's also our skill set and our, you know, since COVID we're so much less likely to go out and just stand in a grocery store.

Speaker 3:

We've lost social skills, and especially young, like people in their 30s, and I'm like just go out, you don't have to just talk to people you're interested in dating, make friends, brush up on your social skills and your small talk and talk to everybody, because you don't know who's going to have a sister or a cousin or a daughter.

Speaker 2:

That's right and I even find going to the grocery store. Now I make and I don't go to the grocery store actually very often because I do online shopping and I have it delivered to my house. So it's a rare occasion, but when I do go out, I find it's really difficult to make eye contact with people.

Speaker 3:

I feel like I think culturally I'm from New York and Colorado I don't know if they had a love is blind and nobody ended up getting married from Colorado on it. They say it's one of the worst states to date in and it's interesting because everybody's kind of clicky, nobody really makes eye contact. This is before especially my small town, fort Collins it was like that before and I'm used to New York and then I like went home to visit my grandmother at a nursing home. I got asked out three times, not by residents either, state to state in the U S. So I'm like I feel like here in Colorado I am battling even even more because I guess a lot of people come out because the priority is what?

Speaker 3:

Skiing, mountains, uh, mountain biking, and then work and then maybe relationships. So commitment is kind of here too because of our, because of our you know our lifestyles. I mean, nature is great, but even being out in nature I only met people during COVID when I was hiking, because I'm like I got to do something, so I went on all the hikes and I would small talk with people, but when people are in large groups they're less likely, especially here, to kind of reach out or go outside of their comfort zone. Covid has made things worse.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I'm. It's very similar here. I live on Vancouver Island, so it's very much lifestyle driven for people to live here, so they're all about the ocean and sailing and skiing and mountain biking and all the things too hiking and and it's a big deal, and you can certainly meet people organically through those groups. But how do you what? What sort of do you find is the biggest thing? Because I know it, I think a lot of being able to be dateable comes from being open to knowing what we want, and that's a challenge unto itself. So how do you?

Speaker 3:

talk to and that's part, like the foundation, of conscious relationships. Who am I? What do I want, what are my values? I was, I belong to a group of friends, you know, it's not formal but and everybody's single-ish kind of, you know, in and out, and we're friends and we all talk frankly about things. And they were talking about one of my reels and they're like I don't know what I want, I don't, I'm like you're kidding me. It's like everybody's like I guess I'll see when I see it, I'll know when I see it. I'm like oh, that's kind of that's backwards. You know, I'm like and now, and see to me that sounds like it wastes a lot of time.

Speaker 3:

So foundationally and to making sure, like I said, I took time after my divorce, don't jump right back in so you're bringing all the baggage with you. Take time and honor your part in the breakup or your part in fearing going out and being in a relationship, because what happens is you go out there, you hear, you know you, we've all heard the saying um, you make me whole. No, you need to be a whole means two whole adults coming together, because nobody can ever make you happy. And like with your book you are you book. You have the happiness code within yourself and only you know it, and you can't rely on a partner to motivate you to do things or to love yourself.

Speaker 2:

Here's the analogy for me, and I even have it on my vision board. Actually, you'll appreciate this. I figured out that I like to think of myself as this really delicious piece of cake and that the other person is also a really delicious piece of cake. But we get to be each other's really delicious icing on each other's cake, so, but the cake has to be whole first before the icing to even go on it, right, and so that's how I look at it.

Speaker 2:

So I literally have this big piece of cake in the center of my vision board to remind me that I'm not looking for someone to save me or my other half. I'm looking for somebody who's going to accentuate and and make my life better.

Speaker 3:

But I have to be responsible for making my life the way I want it to be, and then somebody can come along and be like my icing you know, and I love the idea of vision board and I I also do manifestation wheels which has a circle in the middle and looks like pieces of the pie. You really sit. What do I want to see or have in my ideal partner, and not just six foot tall, broad? You know the deeper, more conscious things. How do you want to feel? Do you want active person, you know. Do you want somebody who you know has the same libido as you do or different? You know writing those specific things, but the best part is looking at it and reflecting back on you. Do you have all these things to be that partner? If not, stop and work on those things and never stop. Even when you do find your soulmate, your potential partner, never stop working on yourself.

Speaker 2:

I believe that to be true too, and I think that's a lifelong thing for anybody. But sometimes there's always those moments where we can become complacent in a relationship and it's just like you know, all the newness is kind of worn off and now you're just kind of going through the motions again, which I think is kiss of death for any relationship.

Speaker 3:

Well, because it takes work, but we're not taught how to do that right. We get married happily ever after, and then we get mad at our spouse for how we feel Like I'm bored, I don't feel loved, and that's part you know. That's means you're not working on yourself. You're expecting your partner create all that happiness and feeling. When, like whenever, anybody comes in, I'm like you need to start working on yourself, because your partner isn't responsible for you. You're an adult. They're not responsible for your happiness, but you can create happiness on your own and then bring it together. And, yes, a relationship will never be like the honeymoon period for years and years and years to come.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's pretty unrealistic as an expectation.

Speaker 3:

That's why they said we're not in love anymore, like no, just like we go through transitions like we're talking about, you know, going empty, nesting, menopause, like in you know, having to reinvent ourselves, learning to build muscle with that, because we have to do that in our relationships too. And it's like it's so easy to blame your partner, you know, but I'm like again. And it's like it's so easy to blame your partner, you know, but I'm like again, put it back on yourself. What aren't you doing anymore? And while the romance is dead, well, it takes energy and focus and intentionality to create those things in your relationship.

Speaker 2:

So how do you think, what kind of advice do you give to your single clients at this point? You know, even though you, it's hard to understand the new algorithm and maybe it's not working in our favor, but what kind of advice do you give them to to have best chances for success in the online landscape?

Speaker 3:

OK, I'm going to be devil's advocate here. I did some content around. Is dating really that different or do just like we want to blame our spouse? Do we blame the algorithms? Or are we not doing enough work and taking enough risks and getting hurt enough to get what we want? Because I think about love it and they were ahead of their time. Sex in the city.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 3:

Those were beautiful women, successful. They got their heart broken. They got ghosted. Even though there wasn't ghosted, they got left at the altar. I'm like this is not new, but we blame it on. And then the hell, it makes us lazier because we can just do that and I think we and because we get a little bit of dopamine by just fantasizing about somebody or even flipping that, we don't build enough motivation to even go out there and put our best foot forward. You know, put some energy into making it work.

Speaker 2:

It's really easy, I think, in this day and age to, I mean, maybe put up a couple of great photos on your profile, and that's if that the people don't even do that. But then you can sit in your pajamas on a Friday night and scroll and you feel like you're out in the world dating, but you're not, you know. And so there's this real false you know sense of we're actually making progress when there's no progress happening at all. And the other thing that I find really frustrating is that there isn't really a conversation anymore. It seems to me that you'll say, hey, how are you doing? And then it's like four days later you get, I'm great, how are you? And then four more days later it's like what are you doing? And it's like that is so not a conversation. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 3:

Okay, this is huge. Listeners, listen. Text and messaging is not real conversation. You don't get the subtleties, you don't get the humor. We can't really do elaborate stories. Even when I first started dating, we used to actually email each other instead of texting. We didn't have texts, so we actually but that, but that was a little bit better, but still you don't really know about.

Speaker 3:

Now everybody's using chat, gpt to use the responses on you know on their messaging, to use the responses on you know on their messaging. So because so they don't even have to. It's like we've gotten so lazy and just are like taking the little bit of dopamine or the false connection or fantasy and using calling it, yeah, a relationship. You know, it's just unbelievable and things that are worth anything do take work, but it's like if you've ever fought with somebody or had an argument with somebody, when you're not clear and you're trying to text an argument, and how out of hand and how many misunderstandings happen. It's the same thing on the lighter level too. It's like until you can, you know, even hear somebody's voice is better, but meeting in person, seeing you know, seeing their body language, feeling their energy but I say we can't order our meat on Amazon. It's not going to be delivered to our door.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. That's a good way to put it, but you know, the other thing that's interesting, though, is if you're in a different city. We have enough technology now where we can FaceTime. We can have that interaction, which I think is really critical, but it's not happening as often, I don't think for a lot of people. So so, like, what few things could we do to maybe make our profile better, to make it so that somebody would want to talk to us? Give us some tips on that.

Speaker 3:

Well and not to waste your time. Don't just put generalizations that everybody's going to like. This is a part of getting to know who you are and what you want. What a great place to put it. Talk about manifestation, putting that out there, setting your intentions there and taking time. Taking time and doing pictures, not that you think everybody's going to like, but that are really you.

Speaker 3:

Another tip we do not pick out the best pictures of ourselves. Ask your friend Okay, we don't. For some reason, we do not pick the best pictures. So ask a couple people. I mean you could have some in mind that you like and say, all right, which one needs to be the lead and make sure you have a variety. Like the first. One needs to be the face Close up, not covering your eyes with glasses or covering your head with a hat, so people can get a sense of you know your windows to the soul, smile. Imagine that. I'm trying to think of how many people complained about like the guys with the tough look. But women do it too. So smile. We want to know that you have teeth. You know we want, and a smile says something about you, because you can't fake it and if it, you know, if you're looking at your photos and it's like this and you don't have crinkles here, it's not a real smile.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

So having a general, you know, having a full boat body photo and then having a picture with other people like, like in action, or doing something that you love to do in Colorado probably you do too. I'm like some of the all the profiles are ski goggles and helmets and I'm like, or big sunglasses and hats, and I'm like, yeah, I'm like, let let you know that's a red flag because you don't want to be seen. Let yourself be seen and go ahead and spend the extra time, have some professional photos taken that you like, or have your friends, your kid, take some photos of you, Take a lot and then find some that you really like and put them on there and then, on your profile, be honest about what you want Be like. I'm like I am looking for a life partner. I just want to get out there. I want to meet friends and see where it goes.

Speaker 3:

Be honest. Be honest about your. You know your spirituality, your faith. That's really important. That's going to be a lineup too. While it's great that we can attract different people, it's easier to be in a relationship when you have some core values or core visions of where you see the relationship going.

Speaker 2:

And I think it's really important. And I mean, I think that we're afraid to alienate certain people. We want to have this really broad spectrum thing so we can attract a really wide variety of people. We don't want to alienate anybody, but the reality is it's better to alienate people up front and just get a smaller group of people that are looking to at your profile. That might be a better fit for you yes, exactly, and it saves time.

Speaker 3:

This reduces burnout. You know, online dating burnout is a real thing, especially if you spread that net so big, because then it's like and especially women men get a fraction of the likes that women get. It's just like for women it becomes overwhelming. And then, speaking of men, men feel like, well, she said hi and then she dropped off. Well, because she got 10 more likes and it's kind of like you have to hire an assistant to go through them all. So it's just like. You know, watch your burnout. Think about some people you've dated in the past that you that wouldn't even turn your head a second time, that you ended up with in a relationship. So it's a balance between the two. So always offset online dating with going out and meeting people, not for the sake of finding a partner, but for getting out into the wild IRL, in real life, so you can interact with people and keep your social skills up to a certain level, because I know we forget and we get out of practice.

Speaker 2:

And I mean, we've all had that experience where we've been out somewhere in the world and you're at a dinner party or you're at a club or wherever, and you meet somebody that you would absolutely have swiped left on, but their personality is so infectious and lovely that you find yourself attracted to them because they have something that's magnetic that has nothing to do with the way they look.

Speaker 3:

Yep, and I think sometimes you can pick up some some of that, but just like it's a very small snapshot of somebody and what you know and like their bio about who they are, and so you have to, though, decide to dissect certain things, but because it's such a visual experience to look more at the profile and who they are that you can get a glimpse of versus how tall they are or what they look like, yeah, because, just like us, that small, you know, profile that we put out there is just a snippet of who we actually are.

Speaker 2:

So we talked earlier about this concept of what we are kind of taught that we should want Talk a little bit about how you work with your clients as to navigate, you know, those expectations that are not even necessarily our own but that are, you know, brought to us from cultural things or society.

Speaker 3:

And Noah, and unfortunately, online dating is cultivating even more of that. Because we have so many choices, well, we're only going to choose the best of the best, right. Then there's a lot of people who are left out of it and, I think, get very discouraged too. That's why I say, look at the short guy, or look at the guy that you know. Well, it's our age. Most of them are gray or bald, but you know, you know, and you can't go for all the. You know the very 1% that have hair. So I think it's like it's opening up a little bit and thinking about that, about, maybe, in the past, who were you attracted to or who did you think you weren't attracted to, and what was the qualities about that person that ended up attracting you? And that might be a key right there as well.

Speaker 3:

And unfortunately for people over 50, it's almost like we have to join the millennials Now. Zs, my daughter, met her boyfriend. They go to the same college on Tinder, so that's how they you know it. Just how we met and I think it's hilarious because we definitely didn't do it that way in college but um and and we're having to adapt it's kind of, um, you know, it's foreign to us and then everything's changing so quickly. It's just keeping that in mind and that we don't have to jump into how the millennials maybe have physical intimacy so fast and I think a lot of older people feeling like they have to jump into that drive by dating that like quick, quick, quick. I got to decide within the first five minutes of the day if they're the one.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's crazy, right. So how can we be more mindful about our dating experience and choosing a partner that's going to be good for us in the long run, for for the next chapter of our lives?

Speaker 3:

How we've been taught friends first, right, friendship always. That seems to be left out of the equation because we're trying to judge so many things before we even know them or even want to be friends with them. So we get stuck in fantasy land. So we're going to take the fantasy out because we can decide who somebody is by their profile and a couple of things they say in their pictures. Let go of the fantasy, because it can easily be sparked that way, and then you're really disappointed. Or a year down the line, they're not the person who you thought they were. Right. Take things slow. Don't meet somebody and then be texting all day long, every day, and then you meet them and see each other every day, have physical intimacy right away, like turn it into a relationship with somebody you don't know. This is the slow burn method. Everybody has a little different time clock and with different people you will too, depending on their lifestyle. Take it slow and think about getting to know who they really are, not who you hope they are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's like falling in love with someone's potential as opposed to falling in love with who they actually are. But I know I've heard in the past that it takes a good two years to really really know somebody and I think I feel in my like, I'm like that's a long time.

Speaker 3:

But I think you know, when you look at the grand scheme of life and you're looking for a long term partner, that's a short window to get attached because oxytocin, if they even just like without sex, just intimacy and spending that time and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, it's easier to look over the differences or the red flags or the concerns that you have. You can write it off because you're like, but I really like them. Love is not everything and that kind of love really isn't real conscious love. It's the lustful initial stages of love.

Speaker 2:

Right, which can lead to long-term love.

Speaker 3:

We need it in there, but it's only a piece.

Speaker 2:

Yes, interesting. So taking our time and being a little bit more mindful about the way we do things and trying to get out in the world and actually putting ourselves somewhere other than behind a screen, met through friendships as well, and continuing that after you're in a relationship or in your marriage, continuing to have a successful, full life outside of it.

Speaker 3:

Because then a lot of times, people are like I found my person, okay, I don't have to do anything else. There's my happiness, there's my best friend, there's my everything. We're going to do everything together. No, you know, that person is not. Your parent is not responsible for all of those things, nor are you for them.

Speaker 2:

And you shouldn't be. You're right, because that just is a recipe for disaster. Totally is yes. Well, what else can you tell us about your conscious relationship coaching? If somebody wanted to work with you, what kinds of things could they expect to work for? And who's your clients? Who comes to find you?

Speaker 3:

So a lot of people, empty nesters, people over 50 oftentimes, but people of all ages. I find that even if they're coming in for other things chemical imbalances, depression, job loss there's a relationship component to it. That's what got me really fascinated. So usually I work with older teens or more mature teens, up to a retirement age people, people going through great divorces so anybody interested or has an inkling to like want to lead a deeper, richer life and more fulfilled relationships and want to learn about what conscious love is and what being mindful means in relationships.

Speaker 2:

I love that. Well, thank you so much for being here. And if you are looking for some guidance on how to maintain a relationship you already have, or you're moving into this empty nester place in your life and your relationship is shifting and you need some guidance, your relationship is shifting and you need some guidance. Andrea is available to work with online all over the world, and you can also meet her in person if you happen to be in Colorado, so we will definitely put all of the contact information that you need to reach her, and it's been such an honor to talk with you and I think we're very aligned in a lot of the things that we do, so it's really fun to be able to share this space.

Speaker 3:

Yes, yes, marnie, you're a tribe member. I hope you know.

Speaker 2:

So lifers now? Yes, exactly, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Wow, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Here's a few takeaways from our conversation. Number one become the partner you are looking to find. 1. Become the partner you are looking to find. 2. Take responsibility for your own happiness, whether you're single or part of a relationship. 3. Stop relying on texting for your communication skills in the dating world. 4. Write your online profile with intention and honesty and let yourself be seen. You are not trying to attract everyone. Number five get out into the world in real life and practice your social skills. And number six take things slow and build a friendship first. I hope you loved today's episode. Build a friendship first and, if you haven't already, make sure you subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so that when new episodes drop, they'll be queued up and ready for you. And if no one has told you today, there's not one person on this planet that is exactly like you and the world is a better place because you're here. So thank you for being here. I'll be back next week and I hope you'll join me right here on Life is Delicious.