Life is Delicious- Mindset Mastery, Midlife Empowerment, Joy, Purpose, Vitality, Inspiration, Women's Health

42: A Midlife Woman's Guide to Financial Freedom with Steph Wagner

• Marnie Martin- Midlife Mentor, Empowerment Coach, Happiness Expert, Best Selling Author • Season 1 • Episode 42

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What if your next chapter felt wider, calmer, and fully funded? Steph Wagner joins us to share how she rebuilt her life after a blindsiding divorce—transforming shame and avoidance into clarity, confidence, and a mission to help women own their financial future. As the National Director of Women and Wealth at Northern Trust and author of Fly: A Woman’s Guide to Financial Freedom and Building a Life You Love, Steph blends disarming honesty with practical tools that make money feel learnable and liberating.

We start by unpacking the link between emotional health and financial autonomy—why abdication often begins with family money dynamics, and how identity loss creeps in long before a crisis. Steph walks through the first crucial step of exploring your money story and recognizing fluid money personalities like the giver, penny pincher, spender, and trailblazer. From there, we build a vision worth budgeting for, using simple prompts and accountability to turn hopes into plans without the pressure of a grand “purpose” mandate.

Then we get tactical. Steph shares the 45-20-35 model that replaces rigid budgets with a flexible framework: 45% to unavoidables, at least 20% to your future (emergency fund, debt payoff, retirement, investing, education that boosts earnings), and 35% to empowerment money for everything else. We dig into four core concepts—compounding, diversification, opportunity cost, and arbitrage—and outline Steph’s seven-step path from awareness to numbers, plan, daily habits, the right financial team, and healthier money conversations in relationships. Along the way, we talk longevity, the risk of outliving assets, and why confidence is the missing bridge between income and wealth for so many women.

If you’re starting over, scaling up, or mentoring the next generation, this conversation offers clear steps and a hopeful mindset to match. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a money reset, and leave a review to tell us the first change you’ll make this week.

Find STEP WAGNER Here:

Website: https://stephlwagner.com/

BOOK: FLY! A Woman's Guide to Financial Freedom and Building a Life You Love : https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Fly!/Steph-Wagner/9781637747650

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SPEAKER_01:

Hey beautiful friend, it's Marnie. I hope you're getting all ready for the holiday season and that you had a good weekend. I've been playing some Christmas music and baking some cookies, so yeah, I'm getting on top of it. So I hope you are too. Today we are gonna be talking about something that uh every single woman that I know uh needs to hear. And we're gonna be talking about financial literacy. You know, women are living longer than ever, and many are even reaching their hundredth birthday. But according to today's guest, approximately eight out of ten of those women will be navigating their financial lives alone due to circumstances like divorce or illness or widowhood. And this puts more women than ever at risk of running out of money. And that is a scary thought. She believes that women are still significantly lagging behind men in financial literacy. And while many women are rising in their economic power to create wealth, most have no idea what to do with that wealth once it hits their bank account. Our guest today is the remarkable Steph Wagner. She's a nationally recognized thought leader in women's wealth and financial empowerment. Over a decade earlier, she had left a promising career in private equity, and as a mom of three young sons, she was blindsided by divorce and suddenly becoming a single mother. She faced the challenge of having no income, no job prospect, and no idea how she could rebuild her life financially. Now Steph is the National Director of Women and Wealth at Northern Trust. And she's rebuilt her life, created her own plan for success, and she discovered a passion for educating and empowering women to take charge of their money. She has written a new book called Fly: A Woman's Guide to Financial Freedom and Building a Life You Love. And she provides women with a step-by-step guide to taking ownership of their lives, both financially and emotionally, empowering them to create lasting freedom, joy, and an authentic and fulfilling life that can only come from financial autonomy. And that's why today's conversation is one you're going to want to stick around for. And better than that, if you know of a strong woman in your life who needs a little financial tune-up and maybe a straight shot of realism where her money's concerned, be the one who shares this episode with her. I personally believe that every woman can benefit from Steph's wisdom. Ready to dive in? Let's go. Welcome to this episode of Life is Delicious. I'm Marnie Martin, and I'm so glad you're here. And if this is your first time here, welcome to the Life is Delicious family. This podcast isn't about surviving midlife, it's about crafting your next chapter life, overflowing with purpose, joy, and delicious possibilities. Listen, midlife doesn't have to be a crisis, it can be a beautiful invitation to remember who we are, to rediscover a new version of ourselves, or to completely reinvent our life to reflect who we are becoming now. So if you're tired of being exhausted, living life on autopilot and putting everyone else first, then you are in the right place. Each week we'll bring you thought-provoking ideas and practical strategies as well as inspiration to help you prioritize yourself again. It's time to take back your joie de vie. So grab a notebook and pen and pop in those earbuds and let's go get it. Welcome, Steph, to the Life is Delicious podcast. I'm so grateful to have you here today.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, thank you. I appreciate the opportunity. It's great to be here.

SPEAKER_01:

I think the conversation we're going to have today is going to really inspire a lot of my listeners, and I'm really excited to have you maybe start back at the beginning and tell us how you found that this particular work you're in now obviously came from your own personal life. And just take us back there and tell us a little bit how that worked out for you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, most definitely. This is my passion for women's economic empowerment, to your point, most definitely is the result of my life's journey. So I appreciate you asking. You know, um, I actually was one of, I had no idea actually what how how unique it was, but I grew up loving math, loving finance, really set an intention early in my college career that I wanted to get into not just finance, but corporate finance. And um, out of college, I was blessed enough to get an amazing job as an analyst and invest in banking firm. And then quickly went out over to um private equity in this crazy world of private equity. It looked a lot different back in the late 90s, but it was almost more challenging for women, particularly struggling with that balance of life and their careers, right? And when I was, I was pregnant, I had a two-year-old at home. My husband traveled over 150 nights a year, and I knew something had to give when my boss asked me to jump on a plane and go look at a deal in rural Alabama, on a Cessna, no less. Um, I was pretty scared to fly public. Normal corporate transportation. Here I was asked to get on a little four-seater plane pregnant. And I'm like, something's gotta give, you know, this just isn't sustainable. And I quit like the very next day. And I never thought about the economic um or financial cost of that from an autonomy perspective. And it wasn't about losing my earning power. I really had a lot of confidence around that, given my background. I was pretty naive, I will admit at the time. But it was the beginning of me leaning out of all aspects of my financial life, despite my aptitude, despite my love for this. And I think that's something so many women at some parts of their lives struggle with, right? Is how do we do it all? And in my partnership, we were just dividing and conquering. And I was sick of trying to navigate all that. And I'm like, you deal with it. Well, I assumed that was being managed right. Um, and it wasn't really until my big wake up call, which was one night learning that my husband of almost 20 years was really living a double life, having an affair in love with another woman and wanted a divorce. And, you know, it was an aha moment that not only way back had I left that earning power and really, you know, put everything over to him in terms of really providing for our family, but most importantly, I stopped paying attention. And at that moment, I'm like, I don't even know what I have. I don't even know what my life's gonna look like. Like, how how am I gonna meet these needs and raise these three little boys on my own? Um, by then I had three little boys and um I became a single mom and had having to rebuild my career, but more importantly, in many ways, rebuild my my wealth and my self-worth. I think that is that is something that um, you know, really they're also intertwined, right? Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. And I I didn't know yet at the time what I was gonna do, but I will tell you, Marnie, one thing. I became very focused on if I'm struggling with this, if I'm just my emotional and financial um well-being was at an all-time low. What is the average woman who never learned about this stuff, right? Who, who this is a foreign language, this world about money, what is she feeling? And, you know, I loved it. I had an expertise in it, yet I was completely devastated. So that became the focus of how do I use my story and how do I use my expertise that frankly was pretty dusty. I hadn't used my financial um skills in a long time. But how do I use it to help people, to help women, to help women across all generations? And in the mean, in the meantime, how do I maybe use this as my guiding light to figure out how I can monetize this and start providing for my family as well?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, you know, I think that's such a brilliant question to say, how can somebody else learn from what I'm going through? Because you're, you know, absolutely right. And I've been in those exact same shoes. I've been divorced twice, and I've had those moments where you just go, How did I let this happen? Right. And it's just that I'm a smart girl. And I just don't know how I let this happen, you know, and that's I know we're not alone in that sentiment.

SPEAKER_00:

No, and I'm so glad you brought that up because the shame that was spinning around that was probably one of the most an embarrassment, you know, those are two very similar but very different, you know, words um and have different meanings, although there are, you know, overlaps. But to your point, I just sat there going, I'm smart. How did I let this happen to me? Wait, what in the world? But you know what? Like at the end of the day, we're just doing the best we can. And with the with the the variables that are thrown at us, and we're making the best decisions that we can in the moment. And but that shame holds us back. And letting go of it is in my mind the very beginning of unleashing the power that can come from our good, bad, and really ugly experiences to help other people and to help ourselves.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I agree with that a hundred percent. And I think a lot of what we have to go through, and some people have other challenges, but I do truly believe that these moments where we're sort of blindsided by life a little bit, it really allows us to just stop and go, wait a minute, like I can do this. I can do this. I just have to figure out how. And it creates this amazing resilience inside of us.

SPEAKER_00:

It does. You know, uh if I can add to that, I remember um you're speaking my language, I'd love it. Um, I remember when all of this was happening, and and yes, financially, I was hyper-focused on how is how was I gonna provide for these three little boys, right? And how is how was I gonna create security? I was only 40 at the time. Um, but in some ways I did already go, this is a bit of a blessing because, you know, a couple of things. Number one, likely I would have been faced with this aha moment of what am I gonna do with the rest of my life? Where am I gonna find purpose? What is my new identity when my last child went off to college, which, you know, really was just, you know, ironically, three years ago and now 55. But I did recognize back then that maybe this is an opportunity at a younger age than then to um to do the work that I would have had to do anyways. And and to do it at an age still when I, you know, when I had a different mental, I mean, obviously that's the beauty of aging in my mind, is we have that wisdom every day. I mean, I wouldn't want to be that 40-year-old woman again because I wouldn't want to let go of all the wisdom I've gained because, you know, over the last, you know, almost now 15 years. But I do remember looking in the mirror. And as life fell apart and me having no choice but to rebuild, saying, Do I actually like who I see right now? And, you know, that was had nothing to do with my financial well-being, right? But as I said, I do believe all of it is intertwined with our emotional well-being. Do I actually, who am I? Like I have, I had recognized that I have lost myself in the identity of being a mom, being a, being a wife, being, you know, and and in uh nobody again wakes up and says, I'm gonna lose my financial independence today. It happens over time, but the same happens with the loss of identity or things that brought us joy at one time in our lives and suddenly life happens. And I had this opportunity to reboot. I won't even say reinvent, but reboot. And so I love that you brought that up because A, you have to be open to what's really happening, and the opportunities are there in the middle of all the muck, which is very, very hard. But also you have to be willing to do the work. And that's the hard part is the work. But gosh, when you do it, it is so liberating internally and externally of what you can create inside and again externally, you know, through work or whatever your passions are.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. And I I resonate with that story so much as well because I remember the day that I got my first divorce. I had two little boys and I became a single mom. And I remember thinking to myself, the very first weekend, you know, when you have to do the one weekend on and one weekend off or whatever. And I remember being by myself and thinking, I don't even know what I like to do anymore. I have no idea what I should go do. I don't have any hobbies. I'm my whole job, my whole everything that I did was looking after my family and taking care of my husband and taking care of the house and the dog and all the things. So that was such a, you know, looking back at the time, I I think it was really hard as you're describing for you too. But I think in some ways you do look at it and go, wow, you know what? I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't had that experience.

SPEAKER_00:

100%. Takes a long time to, you know, it's a journey to get there, right? But the gratitude that you have um on the other side of it is pretty profound. Because to your point, I wouldn't have found who I really was. And and at the end of the day, right, like life is short. And it's exhausting not to not to live a life that's true to who we are. And getting truer to that, to that person is magical and frankly doesn't stop. And in our journeys of rediscovering ourselves and and finding new things and new things that light us up, we have an opportunity today, like never before, given longevity and the fact that we are truly living longer than ever. And, you know, frankly, it might shock you, but you know, the average age of women today who come of means, of any sense of means with access to good health care, access to um, you know, well-being and a healthy lifestyle and and and diet should expect to live into their 90s. And and, you know, experts are predicting a 400% increase over the next 30 years in the number of people that will live beyond 100, and 70% are women.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow, it's so crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

It is it's phenomenal in terms of we have so many chapters to live and to have joy and make the most of and discover new things. But and you know, to tie it back to my world and my passion, your financial stability and financial freedom and and and having no fear of am I gonna outlive my money is a key component to thriving in all those chapters, right? And so again, it's to me a very much intersection, financial well-being and emotional being are so intertwined.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. And I know this is supposed to be a conversation about financial well-being, and we will get there. But there's so much more to unpack, truthfully, in terms of getting the opportunity as an autonomous woman to be able to rebuild your boundaries, to find yourself worth, to stop putting up with things that you should have never put up with in the first place. Like there's so many beautiful gifts that kind of are packaged as a little bit of junk for a while, but once you unwrap it properly and and it sinks into your bones, like it's there's no stopping you if you can really take it as the gift that it is.

SPEAKER_00:

A hundred percent was so well said.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's talk about a little bit about what do you think is the biggest obstacle that women face right now that holds them back from creating the financial future that they love?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it, you know, it's there's so much exciting things out there in, you know, the news, the media, you know, everywhere about the rise of women's economic power. You know, you you hear of all these amazing examples of, you know, Beyoncé and Taylor Swift. And, you know, I'm a huge fan of Bobby Brown, and she's such an inspiration. I've I've had the honor of collaborating with her several times over the years. And every time I'm with her or or or interview her or hear her, you know, tell her story, um, I'm I'm just reminded of there's it's never too late. I mean, here's a woman that started her second, you know, waited on the sidelines for 25 years for a non-compete to be over. And, you know, only to say, you know what, I think I'm gonna try this again, having no expectations. And she is well on our way with John's row to building another billion-dollar brand. I mean, how inspiring is that for us? There's so much talk about that out there, you know, that, you know, all that we're doing all this great thing on what I call the front end of wealth, which is the creation, the earning, getting it into your hands, right? A lot of great stuff, a lot of great examples, a lot of a lot of inspiring stories. And I feel like the younger generation of women today are doing things that my generation never had the confidence to do. But to answer your question, where I see a tremendous amount of need is women still, because of a lack of financial literacy, because of a lack of confidence around money matters, because honestly, for so many of us, the topic of money was even such a taboo that too many of us don't know what to do with that money when it hits our bank account. And that's almost more important because it doesn't matter what you earn, it matters what you're doing with that money to turn into long-term financial security because you don't have earning years forever. And now we're living in this world where, like I was saying, we could be living well into our hundreds well after our earning power is gone. But so if we're not out there learning about this and recognizing that our money actually has more earning power than the majority of us in this country have to earn, you know, through our working years, and we don't learn how to do that wisely, we're really going to be held back and putting ourselves at great risk and frankly, our families, because we may need to rely on them. So that to me, you know, at the end of the day, it all boils down to financial literacy and a commitment that we've got to be making for ourselves, which is I am committing to be solely responsible for my financial well-being. To me, that's the definition of financial independence. Yeah, that's great. I love that so much.

SPEAKER_01:

So let's just dial it all the way back. I mean, of course, there's so many incredible women that are earning enormous amounts of wealth. Yeah. Let's talk to the everyday person who maybe doesn't have enormous wealth, but has the potential to create much more wealth than they have currently. What steps would you recommend for women who are kind of starting over and what should they do first?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and and actually, I just wrote a book about this, and it's really this guide to financial freedom and building a life you love. And it's called fly because again, the intersection of our emotional, you know, well being and our financial well being, there are there are building blocks that I lay out, but I really believe that there are building blocks step by step that we need to follow. And the very first step is to explore your current relationship with money. You can't, you know, many people jump right in and say, all right. I've got to get in. I know I've been avoiding this. I've got to take a hard look at my numbers. I've got to really understand my spending and what am I even invested in or not invested in and blah, blah, blah. But if you jump too quick to do that and you don't do the work to emotionally to explore your emotional relationship with money and why you've had the behaviors that you've had with money, maybe why you've abdicated and relied on someone else, why you don't want to talk about this, you know, why I'll turn it to myself. Like the first step I had to do was say, why, Steph, when you were really good at this stuff, very technically, I mean, I was, I studied investments. Like I was in the very technical side of finance in college, and then obviously in my career, why did you abdicate this and turn this over to someone else that it's something that you actually not only was were good at, but enjoyed? Well, because money was such a tremendous source of conflict and control in my family growing up, and I didn't want any part of that. So subliminally, like almost unconsciously, I was like, get this hot potato off out of my hands, and I'm gonna pitch it to someone else. That is the very first step that all of us should be doing. It's when we begin to really understand the why behind our behaviors, examining where we are today and really looking at, and I lay it all out, you know, step by step in the in the book, but what is our money personality? How are we acting? Are we a spender? Are we a penny pincher? Are we a trailblazer? Are we a giver? Are we, you know, an avoider, like whatever the case may be? But then looking back, how'd we get there? How were we raised? How was money viewed? What money messages did we receive? You know, were we taught that money was that if people had wealth, they were greedy? Were we taught that all debt is bad? Were we taught that stay out of the stock market only buy real estate? I mean, there were things that we heard, things that we saw that we either grabbed and repeated, or frankly grabbed and said, I don't want any part of that, which was which was me. And that's the first step. And and, you know, underst unleashing and understanding your money story and building awareness around it so you can make a change. Because then when you move to the following steps, which I have seven, when you move through them, you know, you are you are much more self-aware of some of those sabotaging behaviors that you need to change in order to be successful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I love so much that you said that because those messages that we receive become our money blueprint. And it's, you know, often um unconscious. And it's something that I think is the key to being able to feel comfortable receiving money, to feel comfortable knowing that you can handle money, feeling feeling comfortable to release money when it's feels good and it's safe to do so. So there's so much psychology around this, but I love that your book is not just about financial freedom, it's also about building a life that you love. Because, like you say, they're very intertwined, and when you get it right, there's so much more freedom when you have that financial autonomy. Stay tuned for a quick word from our sponsor. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of over-the-counter pain medications of any kind. But at this stage of life, almost everyone I know is living with some sort of chronic pain, inflammation, joint distress, or injury, not to mention the crazy symptoms that come along with menopause. The Freedom Superpatch is designed to help provide relief from minor aches and pains. It's safe, all natural, non-invasive, and 100% drug-free with no ingredients or side effects. Superpatch uses vibrotactile technology to stimulate the skin's neural response through a unique pattern similar to a QR code that sends signals to the brain and your nervous system to generate less discomfort and stimulate better movement. You can get 25% off your first order at lifeisdelicious.superpatch.com. Give yourself the gift of drug-free pain relief with the Freedom Superpatch. That's lifeisdelicious.superpatch.com for a 25% discount. Okay, back to the show.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and I I say actually, and um, I've been obviously doing a lot of speaking around the book, and I was just had a beautiful event last night in my hometown um with over a hundred women. And, you know, many of them had already read it, and it was just so fulfilling, you know, and rewarding as they walked in and they said, This so surprised me. It's a women's empowerment book disguised as a finance book, and I say that all the time. And so to hear somebody else say it, I was so thrilled. It actually, it is part memoir and and story runs all the way through it. And, you know, I'm very open and honest about what got me in this mess. And I want it to be really relatable to women so that again, I take away the shame and say, listen, you're not alone. We've all done it, you know, in our own different, we all have different stories. Divorce was my catalyst, but it could be anything. It could be job loss, it could be a medical crisis, it could be widowhood, it could be a business failure, it could be anything. And that that where you say, Oh my gosh, I need to make a change, right? I have an opportunity to reboot here. And then what I do is intentionally keeping it story and keeping it, you know, entertaining, because who wants to read a finance book? Let's be honest. Um, I actually, you know, and this is true, I could not find the resources out there where that I felt like got me. Yes, I had a lot of financial knowledge, but at a time of being so low, and I didn't really understand and appreciate, and I write about it in the book, the correlation between corporate finance and personal finance. And I kind of had an aha moment there that changed everything, including helped me build the curriculum for this, not just this book, but the programs I've done in the past. But I kind of looked around, I'm like, there's nothing out there that is empowering. It's just a bunch of rules being thrown at me. And I don't want that. I want something that understands, you know, something, a book written by someone who understands what it feels like. You know, frankly, this book is 12 years in the making because I really started writing when everything fell apart. And so it captures the raw, very authentic, um, very vulnerable moments that I couldn't write about today. I would have frankly forgotten about them.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that. And and you know, this book just came out in early November. So I want to say congratulations on that because it's amazing.

SPEAKER_00:

I birthed a baby that was uh in me for 12 years, not 90 years.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, exactly, right? That's the whole point. It takes time to get that, but I, you know, not everybody would get to the finish line on that. And I'm really grateful that you did. Because I'm sure you're going to help a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, thank thank you. And and like I said, it follows the seven steps that I did to it follows step by step what I did to rebuild. And it there's a ton of lessons in there, and they're more tools-based. I want women to see that this isn't that hard, but I also want them to have the tools so that as they navigate life, because life, the only thing constant is change. That they don't have to rely on someone else to say, What should I do?

SPEAKER_01:

Now, before we get into some of those more practical steps, sure. Could we just uh take a quick step back to those some of those um financial archetypes that you talked about? The giver and can we unpack those, maybe just give us a handful of them and explain what they are so people can identify with maybe where they sit in amongst this.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely, where they sit today, right? Because that is the very first step in exploring your emotional relationship with money, um, is looking at your current behaviors and how you interact with money on a day-to-day basis. So, you know, I lay out, I call them money personalities. And, you know, you of course have the spender, right? You've got the saver, who I call the penny pincher. Um, but that, and and those are, you know, generally there's good and bad in all of these, by the way. There's good aspects about the penny pincher, right? There's good aspects about, about or characteristics about somebody that is a spender because they may be spending on experiences which are priceless, right? Whereas a penny pincher, I will say, is on the heels of my divorce, I very much was a penny pincher. I felt like I would always promise and I didn't deliver because I was such a penny pincher. By the time it was like, okay, we're gonna go here. And then here I am pulling out the credit card to buy the plane tickets. I would like to start to sweat with anxiety and just start dripping with anxiety of I can't do this, I can't do this. But there's good qualities in that too, right? Another one is the trailblazer. You think about these very type A, very driven, overachieving people that were where they have wealth almost becomes abundance because they're they're entrepreneurs, they're you know, successful business leaders, and they're making money. But they also are almost in some ways overconfident because they tend to be more DIY. Do it, do it myself. I got it, I got it. Well, number one, do you got it? You're nobody can be good at everything. And number two, is that actually the best use of your time? You know, might it be better to delegate that? Um, oftentimes a trailblazer doesn't sit and smell the roses, right? They're moving so fast that they don't actually look back and say, wow, I've come a long way. They don't necessarily take the time for themselves. Um, and so they lack balance. But again, as I'm describing the trailblazer, it's great that they have grit. It's great that they have tenacity. But again, the goal is balance. Every single one of these personalities, right? Is the key is finding balance. It's also important to know that within these personalities, you could be a little of everything. I mean, I'm a trailblazer, but I was a penny pincher for sure, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Um that was what I was gonna ask you. I was I was gonna say, do you have sort of a primary money personality and then maybe a secondary one? Because I imagine it's not one size fits all.

SPEAKER_00:

For sure, no, for sure. But also recognize, and this is the third point I want to stress, it also can change very quickly your money personality. It's where you are today. And so if you just wrote a big check for taxes or you had to pay the property taxes on something, you know, in the end of the year, whatever the case may be, or it was January after a really um big Christmas, you may be more of a penny pincher because you're like, man, you know, I got it. I can't spend anything right now, right? So, you know, it's dynamic. They're not meant to be labels, they're meant to build awareness of where you are in that moment. You know, another one is the giver. You know, we all know the giver. They're so unbelievably generous. They put everyone else before their own needs, which is beautiful, right? They prioritize seeing the joy on someone else's face over, you know, the joy on their own, you know, with retail therapy. It's beautiful. But the giver sometimes gives and gives and gives, whether it's through their time, talent, and treasure, to a point of resentment.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, overgiving.

SPEAKER_00:

Overgiving. They don't know where to stop. Again, it's a lack of balance, right?

SPEAKER_01:

100%, absolutely. And I know a few people like that, and it's um, it is that is that serving me.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. But I think more importantly, since these are just where you are in the moment, you gotta also look back and go, what did I, how did was I raised, what did I see that is contributing to these behaviors? And I don't even know it. I'll I'll say right on the heels of the divorce, when I was not used to dealing with this, you know, I I I frankly was very afraid to spend money because, you know, again, I didn't like what spending looked like in my family growing up and the fights that happened and everything else, that I really was playing life with a scarcity mindset. And when you do anything out of fear, um, or in a place where you're playing life small, nothing good's gonna happen. You know, you've got to shift into a growth or an abundant mindset. And so, you know, building awareness on that, that obviously contributes into money story that you have. And um, but again, like I said before, and I I glad that you appreciate it, it really is your first step of unleashing your power um with respect to your financial well-being.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I know when I had my divorce, it was it was interesting because I I just I didn't even realize that I was living in that scarcity mindset, and it took it took some time to realize that I was really keeping myself stuck by being in that mindset and not spending, I also wasn't allowing money in. And there was just so much around that. So it it took a while to really break those patterns. So can we talk about once you maybe do have a look at um your situation and go, okay, I I know that my mom used to overspend and my dad was resentful or whatever the story is. Oh, and I recognize that, and that's part why I feel fearful. What what are the first few things we can do to shift that?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love it. Um, so I'm a firm believer is analyze where you are, look at how you got there. But the most important next step to answer your question is where do you want to go? You know, what is your vision for the future? And this is where it's interesting, as I, you know, and and I I lay it out all in the book of how you get there, right? Like, I mean, I'm sure you're gonna appreciate this. On the heels of everything falling apart, I remember everyone looking at me like, okay, what are you gonna do? All right, get get up. I was a big, I'm a exercise is a huge thing in my life. And it's like, okay, but how many times, how many miles can I walk? You know, and like how many times can I do yoga in a week? Right, come on. Um, and you know, I remember this, this call to action of people saying, Go find your purpose. Like, what are you talking about? Like, that is the most pressurized word or or call to action I've ever had. Go find your purpose. Like, finding purpose is so overwhelming when you don't even know, you know what I mean, what end is up, right? So that I I kind of re in the book, I talk a little bit about how do you find that vision for yourself? Like what lights you up? Maybe purpose is even something that you go find. Maybe it's already in your life and you just don't even know it, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, so many people talk about your mess is your message, right? And that's how you ended up here is navigating your life and getting your stuff figured out and being able to say, oh my goodness, I actually can build a roadmap for other people to do the same. And how awesome is that?

SPEAKER_00:

And that's the best purpose you can ask for. Totally. And then figuring out how are you gonna turn that into, you know, turn a passion into purpose, into direction, right? Into goals, into, into, and for me, it was creating a career around it, but and then ultimately writing this book. But, you know, you gotta start to think and dream, you know, and so even if you don't have your financial, you know, stuff together yet, it is the most important point because or the most important next step is because you gotta have new goals to strive for to keep you on track. And and it's a journey to get there. And it starts with looking and saying, where do I want to go in one year? What do I want my life to look like? One year, three year, five year, whatever the case may be. But I started, you know, even to I believe in the power of visualization. And I started, yeah, to start to say, okay, what is the vision I have for my future? It was becoming an author, you know, it was moving at the time everything happened. I was living in California. It was at the time moving back to Texas. It was, I had dreams of creating a legacy with my kids, my boys. So the four of us have this beautiful, unbelievable bond. And the reason the vision becomes so, so important is it ends up being your guiding light to keep you on track as you begin to do the work around your finances. You know, I'm a firm believer of throwing your intentions and that visions out into the world and talking about it. If you've got goals and you have a new vision and you throw it out to a friend or to a group of people, they help keep you accountable.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'm a huge proponent of speaking your dreams into fruition and speaking them out loud and saying things. Sometimes it's even as as difficult but easy as saying, you know, I remember the first time that I was um stepping into being a freelance writer, and I thought, like, I was such a uh imposter. I was like, who am I to say that? Right. And I actually went and made a business card that said I'm a freelance writer. And I started telling people, I'm a freelance writer. And I was handing out cards. And you know what? That is so empowering and so important to be so you can let your subconscious sink into the reality that that's possible for you.

SPEAKER_00:

100%. And then you begin to shift and go, wait, maybe this imposter syndrome that every single one of us has had is actually a good thing. Yeah, it's a great thing. Because getting comfortable in the uncomfortable is a really important step to turning the vision into reality. It's like flip the narrative. Maybe you're onto something. Because if you're not just a little scared, if you don't have just a little bit of doubt or a little bit of that imposter syndrome, it means you're not thinking big enough when you're starting to visualize what you want for your future.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. And I I actually'll appreciate this. I actually wrote a guided journal called Happy Is Not an Accident. And in there it has these daily prompts. And the ones that I put in that I think are along the same line as this is I have one that says, uh, wouldn't it be amazing if? And then you can just write anything that comes to mind. And then the next one is, won't it be amazing when? And then you do the same thing and it really brings it into the present. Yep, love it. And then I have one more page which I love that says, What's the worst thing that could happen if I got everything I wanted? Right. And so it's really like it just allows your brain to kind of explode a little bit with what's possible for you. And then, like you say, taking it into that place where you can go, all right, now at least I have an idea of what what's what I want, and how do I make that possible for myself?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and and and at the end of the day, right, like confidence to put all this in motion is really, really essential. And for women and money, like when you really look at the stats and you dig down into the why, you know, generally speaking, do they not like this stuff? Why do they abdicate? In fact, if you ask men, 60% of men today say they handle all of the long-term financial planning and and um investments, etc., for their families, why? It's a lack of confidence that they feel. It's all between their ears because it's not true. Women actually make better investors. You know, studies show when they get in the game.

SPEAKER_01:

I would love to ask you. Um, I know you talk about why traditional budgeting fails and that there's a better way. Could we just talk about that really briefly?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, and it's perfect. So what I just said about confidence, because this model that I kind of created called the 45, 20, 35 model is to basically continue to empower us around the decisions we make and again build confidence. So thank you for bringing that up. All right, let's look at all the income, your net income, the money that comes into your bank account every single month. And let's proactively put it in buckets, if you will. And in an ideal World, 45% should go towards what I call your unavoidables. Those are things that put a roof over your head, so rent, mortgage. Yeah. Then it's how do you keep the lights on? And those are your utilities, right? Also your transportation costs. So, you know, depending on where you live, that could be public transportation expense, or it could be car, you know, maintenance is included in that. And then last but not least, any any spend you have on insurance outside of medical. Now, 20%, and I would say at least 20% goes to your future. Now that could come in a lot of different shapes and sizes depending on your circumstance. If you don't have an emergency fund yet, that 20% gets allocated to an emergency fund to pay off any bad debt. Those are, it's all going to things that build your net worth. Whether it's spending additional money into your retirement account, or maybe you've maxed out what you can contribute to your retirement accounts. So you start diversifying and open up a taxable investment account. You start putting money in there. Maybe you're like, but wait, if I only invested in myself and stashed away some money, I could go get, I could take a course and or I could go back to school or I could get some type of certification that would help me make more money so I could save more and invest more. That's all, again, that might be an option too. It depends on your circumstance. It's about your future. Your final 35%, that's what I call your empowerment money. That's for everything else. It's going to fluctuate and go based on the decisions you make. And now let's say you live in a world, though, that is the 45%. Maybe you're in New York and you're like, I'm sorry, but do you have any idea what the cost of living is yours? Well, you're consciously saying, well, I need to subsidize that 45% and I've got to take it out of my empowerment money. That's going to force me to be able to do less on a monthly basis, but that's based on the choices I'm making. So the idea of this framework is to build awareness around your spending. It's to be more intentional with it. It's not meant to hold you back and say, don't spend. It just, I want people to make a more informed decision so that they can begin to see the opportunity cost of those decisions.

SPEAKER_01:

What's really interesting about that is when you look at that from a broad spectrum kind of situation, like you said, and you're like, maybe I live in New York, or maybe it's even looking at and saying, well, maybe I don't want to live in New York because I'd have more fun living somewhere or just on the outskirts of New York where I'd have more actual money to put in my empowerment fund, right? That's right. So it's those are the choices you're talking about where people can look at their big picture and say, How do I craft a life that works for me and allows me to have freedom in my day-to-day choices?

SPEAKER_00:

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01:

Do we have um the opportunity to just quickly go over those seven steps just to tell people what those seven steps are? And then we can give people the opportunity, and I'll definitely put all the links to your book so that they can pick up a copy, because it's, you know, even right now, what an awesome gift to give some woman in your life if she's either in a transition space of her life or maybe starting over, or maybe just is going into retirement and needs some some help. So this is a beautiful time.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. And don't forget your daughters and granddaughters, because what has been so unbelievably rewarding as I really thought this was going to be for my age bracket, like that 45 to I'm 55. So I was like, oh, maybe 45 to 65. You know, where it's just that's so relatable. Well, I had two young girls in their mid-20s read this as almost ahead of an advanced copy, and really to give me input before it was published. The feedback was unbelievable of this is a cautionary tale of what could happen to us and what we need to do to set ourselves up, you know, in our 20s so that we are really thriving because they have the power of time on their side. And and um, it's been beautiful through all these book parties and, you know, as I'm traveling to see these um mothers and granddaughters buying stacks for their daughters and their and their sons' girlfriends. And I'm like, yes, because if we want to change this and really better the situation so that not no women are is leaning out, that we're all appreciating our financial autonomy, which builds better partnerships, by the, by the way. We've got to reach the younger generation. We've got to talk about our experiences and we've got to give them the tools so that they can learn and so we can break this cycle. Number one is really understanding your relationship with money, as we've talked about. Number two, and these all correspond with the chapters. It's knowing your numbers. It's not just about understanding your income and your expenses. It's about understanding your wants and your needs and building awareness of being more intentional and seeing where you're at today. So when we get to a later chapter, um making a plan, you'll know the adjustments you need to make. It's about understanding your current balance sheet, all the nuances. What is liquidity? What is not, you know, what are the interest rates I'm charged, I'm paying on my debt, things like that. It's really a full assessment so that you know what you have to work with. The the next step is expand your knowledge. And I believe there are four basic principles. That's it, that if you fully understand opportunity cost, compounding, diversification, and arbitrage, they will change everything. The fourth one is building that plan. You know, taking everything you learned in those three prior steps and beginning to put them together to see how small little steps that you can take today on your own will have a profound impact in the future and building out your personalized plan. Then the next is um five, which again, these are all based on chapters, is great. You can have a great plan, but how do you begin to execute that and live that in your day-to-day life? And and and how do you stay on track? Because, you know, I mean, that it's easy to have a plan. It's really the hard part is how do I incorporate it in my actions every day? Then I talk about you need a team. You know, this isn't meant to be DIY. Everyone is different. So some people might need one type of a financial advisor, somebody else may need a different solution. I talk about, you know, different tax advisors that are out there. And again, demystifying this world of financial, um, financial advisors and and then talking about even estate plans. Like what do you need to, what do you need, what do you don't need? Because again, it's not one size fits all. And then I lay out my last step was how do you incorporate all of this into your relationships? You know, how do you get wiser with your relationships with yourself if you're single and also with your partner or maybe even future partners? And um, you know, there's something a little bit in there for everyone because I believe in many ways, you know, when we have more financial autonomy, we have more choices. And you brought this up, which I loved. We have more ability to advocate for ourselves, to put boundaries, you know, to be in in in sync with our partners in ways we never were before. And that has a ripple effect in all aspects of our lives and our families. So um, they're meant to be building blocks. Um I'll be curious to see what you think when you when you read the book.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I'm excited actually. I love that you had that aha moment with the 20 somethings because I think what's really interesting, because I'm 57, so we're in the same, you know, vintage, but um our generation is kind of just on the outskirts of those old traditional models where the woman stayed at home and did all the wifey things and the man made the money and did the, you know. And and we were brought up that way, but I know the way our generation raised our daughters was a little bit different. But the 20-somethings now, like they are in a whole different space and a whole it's a whole new world. So for them to have this as a guide to say, don't let this happen to you because you can do better. And here's how, right? And I love that so much.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, thank you. Thank you. And um, and like we said before, they are killing it when it comes to and negotiating for themselves and starting business and having this confidence on getting out there and getting after it in ways that our generation didn't. But the similarity between our generation and them still is they didn't learn about any of this. And so they don't know what to do with that wealth when they have it, or even how to make those goals of starting businesses turn into reality.

SPEAKER_01:

For everyone listening, her book is called Fly, a Woman's Guide to Financial Freedom and Building a Life You Love. And Steph, thank you so much for being here with us. And what a juicy, in-depth conversation this was. I know there's going to be so many people that can take home some enormous value. So thank you again.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. Thank you. And I appreciate the great work you are doing. It's important that we all we are so much better together and getting our um helping people and getting these messages and lessons learned and actionable steps out there. So thank you for having me and thank you again for the work you're doing.

SPEAKER_01:

I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I hope it inspired you or motivated you in some way to keep going and to create your very best life. Wanna know what to do next? Share this episode with someone that you love who maybe just needs a little more delicious in their life. Join my free Facebook community over at Mindset Mastery for Midlife Women, where like-minded women come together to support and inspire each other, and where we get to hang out together. And I offer cool bonuses, videos, and some extra content. And lastly, don't forget to subscribe so that when new episodes drop, they'll be queued up and ready for you. And if you're ready to take a deeper dive into mastering your mindset, I invite you to come on over to lifeisdelicious.ca forward slash work with me, where I offer limited one-to-one coaching sessions, and you can sign up for a free discovery call with me. In case no one has told you today, there's not one person on this planet that is exactly like you. And the world is a better place because you're here. So thank you for being here. I'll be back next week, and I hope you'll join me right here on Life is Delicious.