Life is Delicious- Inspiration for Thriving in Midlife and Living Well with Joy, Purpose, Vitality, and Self Love.
Ever feel like midlife has you running on an endless hamster wheel of responsibilities while your own dreams gather dust? Is the crazy chaos of caring for everyone else leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed? Are you in desperate need of some self care, balance and reconnection with your most authentic self?
YOU are in the right place. This podcast isn't about surviving midlife; it's about crafting a next chapter overflowing with purpose, joy, and delicious possibilities.
I'm Marnie Martin, a multi-passionate entrepreneur, daughter and a hot midlife Mama (literally) and over the last decade, I've been through career pivots, a divorce, and I survived the empty nest, only to have it fill up again. I spent the next several years travelling miles and miles every month to care for my elderly parents and my time and attention was so torn in every direction that I lost track of who I was, and I found myself in an endless cycle of people pleasing, putting out fires and running on empty. I know how it feels to be stuck in chronic overwhelm, stress and chaos and trust me, it's not a pretty picture.
I decided that it was time to take MY OWN life and health back and I worked hard to reclaim my health through radical self care practices, recalibrating my nervous system and setting healthy boundaries that allowed me to start living my life "on purpose" again. I'm here to show you that midlife doesn't have to be a crisis, but instead a beautiful invitation to remember who we are, to rediscover a new version of ourself, or to completely re-invent our life to reflect who we are becoming now-intentionally crafting a life by design that truly nourishes our soul. If you are ready to take back YOUR "Joie de Vivre", then you are in the exact right place!
Each week brings conversations with health and wellness specialists, spiritual growth experts, and guests with courageous and transformative stories that will inspire you to break free from the overwhelm. You'll walk away with practical strategies, meaningful insights, inspiration and the permission to prioritize yourself again.
We were born to thrive and experience life as the delicious feast it's meant to be. Subscribe now and join a community of midlife women who are turning up the volume on their inner voice and writing their own recipes for a life that feeds their soul.
Life is Delicious- Inspiration for Thriving in Midlife and Living Well with Joy, Purpose, Vitality, and Self Love.
46: The Trap of Over-functioning- When Midlife Caregiving Takes It's Toll
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The strongest person in the room often hides the deepest fatigue. I share the story behind a year of caregiving—how a single fall set off a chain of decisions, how my overfunctioning became a shield against grief, and how a hard reset on boundaries brought my health, calm, and presence back online. This is a deeply personal, tender, and practical conversation for midlife women who carry it all and are ready to lay some of it down.
MY STORY: We walk through the early warning signs that something bigger was shifting at home: small household changes that pointed to overwhelm, the creeping isolation after COVID, and the moment I realized busyness was delaying the talk that needed to happen. I map the steps we took to transition my parents to assisted living—making space for grief, moving slowly, and focusing on dignity and safety. The unexpected upside was profound: community, routine, and daily care that brought color back to their lives, with new friendships for my dad that softened loss after sixty years of marriage.
I also name what caregiver burnout really feels like: poor sleep, chronic pain, brain fog, and a nervous system stuck in fight or flight. We unpack the mindset shifts that help—asking for help sooner, delegating imperfectly, and choosing presence over perfection. You’ll hear three core lessons to navigate big changes with less fear and more grace, plus gentle, actionable ways to rebuild energy and protect your relationships.
If you’re the reliable one who feels stretched thin, this conversation offers clarity, relief, and a kinder path forward. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review on Apple Podcasts so more caregivers can find this support.
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Hey beautiful friend, it's Marnie, and welcome back to Life is Delicious. We are officially launching season two of the show, and I'm super excited about that. And we are also into oh my gosh, three weeks already, into a new year, which is super exciting, also. But last week for me marked the one-year anniversary of my mom's passing, and um this is the first time I've ever really lost someone that was that close to me before. So of course I took some time to reflect on the years before she passed and what maybe we could have done differently, and just remembering all the fun that we had together and the evolution of those last few years was really it was a an incredible roller coaster ride that I couldn't have possibly imagined. And yet there were so many beautiful moments in there that we just I don't even know how we pulled some of that out of our hat. But we managed to have some awesome, cherished memories that we got to bring with us. And so it made it very bittersweet to reflect on all of that. But one of the things I wanted to talk about over the next few episodes that really ties into this is the fact that so many of us midlife women, especially if we're capable and we are strong, we end up caring way too much. And that completely happened to me through the course of caring for my parents and selling their house and transitioning them into assisted living. There was just layer upon layer upon layer of things I could not possibly have anticipated. So the reason I wanted to actually talk about this is because so many of us can't anticipate certain things, but there are definitely now looking back, there were some very clear signs that hopefully, if we talk about them today on the podcast, maybe it'll give you a little bit of a heads up so you can make some moves a little bit quicker, and maybe it'll just help you navigate the situation a little bit better. I do have to say that I was very lucky that I actually had the opportunity to have a girlfriend of mine go through some of this transition with her own mom. And she was so great because she just kept saying to me, get started now. Don't wait until things are critical before you start making some moves. And I'm so grateful that I had that mentorship, I guess, um, because it really did change the way I strategically started to look at the situation. And it really, I think, saved my bacon in a few ways because if I had waited much longer, we could have been in a really dire situation that would have been a lot more difficult to navigate. So so grateful for that. So if you happen to be someone who's, you know, used to being the strong one and the organized one and the one who steps in when life gets complicated and carries everything for everyone else so everybody else is okay. But you're not necessarily okay. Well, this conversation is a hundred percent for you. Welcome to this episode of Life is Delicious. I'm Marnie Martin, and I'm so glad you're here. And if this is your first time here, welcome to the Life is Delicious family. This podcast isn't about surviving midlife, it's about crafting your next chapter life, overflowing with purpose, joy, and delicious possibilities. Listen, midlife doesn't have to be a crisis, it can be a beautiful invitation to remember who we are, to rediscover a new version of ourselves, or to completely reinvent our life to reflect who we are becoming now. So if you're tired of being exhausted, living life on autopilot and putting everyone else first, then you are in the right place. Each week we'll bring you thought-provoking ideas and practical strategies as well as inspiration to help you prioritize yourself again. It's time to take back your joie de viv. So grab a notebook and pen and pop in those earbuds, and let's go get it. So my story started back at late 2022, and my mom had taken a fall. And I think this is really common, even if your parents are just, you know, healthy but just getting older. Something so simple, well, a fall is not simple, but when you even have a small fall or a pneumonia or a broken bone, it can accelerate so many things so quickly. And because I'd never had that experience before, I just had no idea that, you know, we were looking at maybe having some other issues that we couldn't see yet. But when I did get to mom and dad's after she got home from the hospital, I just walked in the door and I just knew that everything was not okay here. I mean, the house wasn't dirty, but it was just shut down. There was just dishes in the sink and the laundry was backed up and the recycling wasn't out. I mean, there were little things, but they told a much bigger story about what was actually going on in the household. My poor dad had just unwittingly become a full-time caregiver, and he was doing the best he could, and his priority, of course, was looking after my mom and making sure she was okay. And there was a few things going on, you know, in terms of daily care needs that needed some critical attention. So a lot of the other stuff fell by the wayside. And my dad, I could tell he was just like frozen. He was just overwhelmed and exhausted. And he just, you know, wasn't even taking care of himself that well because he just was, you know, didn't have anything left at the end of the day. You know, those are some of the little signs that the mental health is starting to slip. You know, he wasn't necessarily getting showered every day and wasn't changing his clothes the way he used to. And it's just bare minimum to get through the day because everything else was just so hard. And then my mom, who had always taken a lot of pride in herself, and I think some of this has come from COVID, because mom and dad were home alone, like critically alone for a good almost two-year period, aside from me coming to visit and my brother coming, but no other real visitors during COVID at all. And so your capacity to want to get up and put your clothes on and put your makeup on and do your lipstick and feel good about yourself starts to slide. And I know that happened for many people during COVID, but for elderly people, when they get into a new kind of a routine, unfortunately, it just kind of sticks and it becomes a new way of life. And so my mom lots of days didn't even get dressed. She just had a rotating group of nightgowns that she would switch in and out of. And sometimes she would comb her hair, sometimes she wouldn't. It wasn't a big deal. She wasn't going anywhere. But when you look back, it really was a a clear sign that there was just this giving up kind of energy, this just surrender of just whatever. And it's just that's no way to live. But unfortunately, when things are critical, that tends to be what happens. And so I did what I always do. I swooped in and I started to clean and organize and put things away, and I cooked a whole I knew food was a major issue because my dad was really struggling. He was a very good cook, but just didn't have the capacity to really get creative with anything food-wise. So I cooked all of their favorite meals, packed them into containers, I labeled everything, put them in the freezer. I even put tape on the freezer shelves so my dad wouldn't have to think about it and it'd be easy to find. And I think for me, that was my way of saying, you know, I love you guys. I'm gonna, I'm gonna make this easier, I'm gonna help. And it was love, but predominantly all of that busyness was overfunctioning and fear. Because underneath it all, there was this deep knowing that there was something bigger going on that I just couldn't fix. And so staying busy and cleaning and organizing and taking care of everybody and all of that overfunctioning just became my way of keeping everyone and everything afloat. Eventually, we did manage to bring in a caregiver that looked after mom for parts of the days. And it it was a really important part of the next steps of moving into bigger amounts of care. But in reality, my dad was even too tired to shower and get dressed so that he could even use his respite time. Like the girl would come and she would say, Okay, you can go now. And he was like, Do I have to? Because I just don't feel like it. And that is not uncommon, I know, for a lot of people who are in this circumstance, because yes, you need a break, but you just don't even know where to start to get a break. And it's a it's a it's a rough situation for sure. And we don't talk about it enough because sometimes help exists, but people are already too depleted to actually receive the help when it comes. And that's not a failure. That's just a sign that the support arrived probably a bit later than it should have. So after months of this, I went back and forth. I took over all of my dad's finances, I did all their grocery shopping, I was just basically managing my dad's email and making sure that I was taking care of all the logistics of life, anticipating all their needs, and then something just shifted in me. And after that second or third trip there, I drove home after I felt like I had everybody kind of handled, and I ended up staying probably about three weeks to make sure that everything was okay and I had anticipated every need, which of course I couldn't, but I tried to. And I got in my car and I drove home and I made it all the way to my driveway, and I basically got out of my car, and I didn't even grab anything except my purse. I came into the house and with all of my clothes on, I climbed under the covers. I didn't unpack, I didn't problem solve, I didn't try to get it together. I just collapsed. And I stayed there and I cried for three full days. And thank God I had one beautiful girlfriend, Cheryl, who stayed on the phone with me for hours and hours and hours and helped me talk about all of the fear that I had and all the things I was afraid might happen, and all the things that I was afraid was things I couldn't control. And it was just I basically hit the wall and I just began shutting down, and I wasn't taking care of myself at all because everything was so critical and so urgent that I just was running on adrenaline all the time. And then I obviously crashed. And that was the first moment that I really understood how much I'd been holding and how little space I had to feel any of it. Looking back now, I can see that all of the cooking and the cleaning and the organizing, the constant busyness wasn't just really helping, it was protecting me from feeling the fear, the grief, and the anticipation of what exactly was unfolding now. And so overfunctioning became my survival strategy. But one of the things that was amazing about that three-day breakdown was that I realized that I was trying to do all of it by myself, and I knew that I just couldn't. So I reached out to my brother and I told him what was happening, and I told him what I was worried about and what might come in the next few months, and what we might need to keep an eye out for and what we could do together. And he was amazing, and he said, Of course, I'll help you with whatever you want. But sometimes it's not as easy to ask for help as we think it is, because it's sometimes just easier to do it ourselves or be afraid that maybe somebody's not going to do it as well as us. And, you know, I even have two grown sons who kept saying to me, Mom, you don't have to do this by yourself. We can help too. But here's the part that many of us will recognize it often feels easier to do it ourselves than to let someone else do it imperfectly. And delegating means releasing the control, which when you're already scared, that can just feel unbearable. But asking for help also means letting go of micromanaging, and that too is a little bit scary. Sometimes even just articulating what I needed took longer than just doing it myself. So there's the little bit of that. So what I'm saying to you is find the balance of what you can do and what you can let go of, because we can't control everything, it's just not possible. It's just not possible. Stay tuned for a quick word from our sponsor. As we all know, life isn't always delicious. And one of the only constants we have in life is that things are always changing. Life can be a beautiful mess of twists and turns. And as we grow through each unique season of life, our needs change, our goals change, our priorities change, and our responsibilities change. And sometimes, when the really hard stuff shows up, as it inevitably will, we can find ourselves lost and without a clear direction. Sometimes that can happen when we've had a huge life transition, like a divorce or a diagnosis, or we realize that our babies are all grown up and ready to be out on their own. And sometimes it can be a subtle or not so subtle restlessness that tells us we're ready to step into a bigger, bolder, more authentic version of ourselves. But one thing is for sure: we can't transition into what's next happily until we get really clear about what's weighing us down, what lights us up, and what we truly want when our soul whispers its truth. Happy is not an accident, it's a guided journal created to bring you back home to your truest self, to remember who you are, and to give you a safe place to explore and reflect on where you've been, where you really want to go, and who you want to become now. With deep inspiring prompts, thought-provoking questions, and powerful exercises to help you excavate your most authentic self, happy is not an accident will be the daily ritual that you look forward to as you step into this next awesome chapter of life. Give yourself the gift of self-reflection and create this beautiful life of yours on purpose and with intention. Get your copy or one for somebody that you love at lifeisdelicious.ca forward slash happy. Okay, back to the show. So of course I went back and forth to my mom and dad's place every month or month and a half for the better part of a year. But one thing that really struck me, which I thought was amazing, is I was on a walk one day with one of my girlfriends, and she was telling me that she had just had this conversation with her mom. And her mom said, I don't care what happens to me, I do not want you to ever move me in with you. Even if I'm sick and I need some care, I do not want that. And her daughter was like, Well, why, mom? Why wouldn't you want that? And she said, Because I want you to be my daughter. I just need you to be my daughter, not my caregiver. And that just hit me like a ton of bricks because I realized that some days my mom didn't need another task completed. She didn't need a cleaner kitchen, she didn't need the towels folded, she needed me to sit beside her, and instead of making a big meal, she needed me to maybe order a pizza and to just be her daughter, and to just hold her hand and watch a Hallmark movie and just be with her. And so often when we're in that fight or flight space, I forgot to put my daughter hat on. And I was so grateful for the reminder from that walk with my friend because I was much more intentional with every single visit and I made sure I did the important stuff. But those last probably six months, I made sure that I made time for the holding her hand and just sitting with her watching an old movie that she'd seen a million times because she wanted to share it with me. And those moments I still remember back as some of my very favorite times with her. We didn't have to go anywhere fancy or do anything fancy, but we were just together, and that meant everything. So we started having conversations about my mom's mobility and the ability to stay in their family home, and my mom was devastated. She never wanted to leave her family home, she wanted to stay there until the end, and the idea of having to go somewhere else was just mortifying to her because no place could feel like home, like like that home. But we had the conversations and we were gradual and kind and gave them time to ease into the idea of it because it was getting very clear that it was going to be unsafe otherwise. So we eventually reached that decision and found them a place to go. And thank goodness a lot of the balls that we had in the air did start to click into place, and we really had some divine intervention for the timing to come through the way that it did. So we reached the point where mom and dad agreed to sell their house and we downsized 40 years of memories. We sorted, we donated, we gave things away. We had garage sales. Oh, did we have garage sales? And then we let go of what else was there and got them moved into assisted living at the end of April of 2024. And that year was insane. It was such a crazy year of seeing. Our family come together in a way that I hadn't seen them come together. My boys both came for a week at a time to spend time with my mom and dad and I. And they helped with the moving truck and the downsizing and the garage sales and all of it. And it was just so awesome. And going through all of their memories and having the boys there to be able to talk to them, or even a lot, my kids actually took a lot of my mom and dad's stuff home with them, things that were memories, or things that they remembered from being a kid, or things that had sentimental value to them that my mom and dad just couldn't simply take with them. So that was an enormous blessing. So that summer we got them moved into assisted living. And about two weeks later, my mom ended up back in the hospital with pneumonia. And she just as some of you will probably know, you go in for one thing, and then there's all these little underlying other things that you don't even know are causing your body stress or pain or depletion. And so as she was in there, they said, Well, we can't send you home until you're strong enough to pull yourself up. So she ended up in extended care stay for, I want to say, two and a half months. And her 90th birthday was approaching, and she was hellbent on not being in the hospital on her 90th birthday. And with all of her tenacity, she managed to get out of the hospital two days before her 90th birthday. So we got to have a beautiful 90th birthday celebration for her. And that same summer was my dad's 85th birthday, and it was also their 60th wedding anniversary. And I'm just so grateful. We had the most beautiful 60th wedding anniversary weekend with my cousins and my brother and my boys. And I couldn't have asked for anything that could have been an icing on the cake of that year and all the other hard things we had to do. It was just the perfect weekend, and I couldn't have asked for any more. The one thing that actually became really apparent when we actually got them moved into assisted living is I started to see, even though it was an adjustment for them to get used to people coming in and out of their room all the time and showing up for care at random, not random, but multiple times a day, is that my mom started to put dresses on to go for breakfast in the morning. And I started to see her put her lipstick back on, and my dad was showering every day and getting dressed, and I could really see that even though it was an adjustment and it was uncomfortable at first, there was this beautiful sense of community, and I could see them making some new friends, and my mom would wave to ladies in the dining room, and my dad made a couple of really nice male friends. And it was like they had this little extended family, and especially after that long stint of COVID of just being alone and just the two of them in the house together all the time, it was a welcome change for them, and that just those little bits alone allowed my mom to feel safe. And I could tell just by watching those small things that her well-being was returning. And my dad's well-being was returning, and he there was so much less for them to worry about, like meals and food and all of that, and even their sheets get done, and there were just so many things that took the pressure off not only my mom and dad, but my brother and I as well, to where we could relax and we know that they were cared for, and we still visited quite regularly over those first probably six months for sure, because it was a transition for all of us. One thing I can tell you for sure is that changed their life. And it also changed my dad's life in the way that when my mom did pass, he wasn't alone. He had a community already built into his life. He had a secure group of caregivers that he felt safe with. And there were other people in the community that he was in who had also lost spouses, that he was able to find some community and have someone to talk to about that to make the grieving process easier, because after sixty years losing a spouse is it's a big deal. And i even though I have compassion and my brother has compassion, we've never been through that. But some of the people in that complex had. I was not sleeping well, I was in chronic pain in my joints, my knees, and my shoulders. Everything I ate turned into bloat, and I just gained weight and I was exhausted, and I just I didn't know what was going on, and I had no idea, honestly, that my nervous system was just completely had been functioning in fight or flight for so long that I didn't know how to do anything else, and everything was off. So I had to really step back and get a handle on what I needed and start to do some really radical self-care to get myself back to where I felt like myself again. So a few of the things I learned through all of this that I I just wanted to share with you, not necessarily as advice, but as perspective that I've learned from the hard way, is number one, just because you can carry something, it doesn't mean that you should. I'm capable and organized and loving and all of the things that I needed to be at that time, but none of that protected my nervous system. The second thing is that overfunctioning often just delays the conversation that actually needs to happen. You know, staying busy felt safer than just saying, we need more help, or we can't do this the same way anymore, or this is just too much. And the third thing I learned is that and this one deeply matters, sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to stop performing with competence and overdoing and overgiving and just start offering presents and being still and being you. So if you're listening and noticing similar signs in yourself or in someone you love, let this just be your gentle nudge. I want you to hear this today because you don't have to wait until your body forces you to stop. You can pause sooner, you can ask for help earlier, and you can let someone carry part of the load. And you can let things be imperfect. So if you're already in the thick of it, overwhelmed, running on adrenaline, it's not your fault, and there's nothing wrong with you. Your system is responding exactly as it should because it's taking care of you. So as we wrap this episode up, I just want to let you know that I have created this beautiful midlife boundary reset. It's a five-day experience, not as a way to fix yourself, but just as a gentle place for you to notice where you might be carrying more than your share, and where small, compassionate shifts could protect your health, your energy, and your relationships. And it's just going to give you some gentle nudges, some reminders, and a little journal prompt every day for you to actually just see where you are, get a clear picture of what's maybe feeling a little heavier than it should, and where you can make small changes today to start moving in a different direction. Thank you for listening today, and thank you for letting me share some of my memories of my mom. It has been such an interesting journey, and thank you for carving out some time to be here with me today. I'll be back next week with another episode, and I look forward to welcoming you back. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I hope it inspired you or motivated you in some way to keep going and to create your very best life. If you did, would you take five quick minutes to leave me a review on Apple Podcasts? It's the best way for me to know that you are enjoying the show, and it helps other listeners find me as well. And while you're at it, head over to lifeisdelicious.ca and sign up for my email newsletter. It's like a warm hug from me every week. And not only will you get first access to new episodes, I've also put together a free five-day email experience called the Midlife Boundary Reset, where you'll get five days of insights, mindset shifts, and daily journal prompts to help you gently start choosing yourself again and create better boundaries without guilt, drama, or burning bridges. I've put the link in the show notes as well, and I think you're gonna love it. One last thing, if you know someone who would enjoy an episode like this, please do them a favor and share it with them. It's the best gift you can give someone that you love. If no one has told you today, there is no one on this planet that is exactly like you. And this world is a better place because you're here. So thank you for being here. I'll be back next week, and I hope you'll join me right here on Life is Delicious.