Inspired by Design with Sarah St Pierre

90. The It Girl: Mindset, Identity & the Real Work Behind Reinvention with Ashley Robutz

• Sarah St Pierre • Season 2 • Episode 90

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In this episode, I’m joined by Ashley Robutz for a conversation on mindset, reinvention, authenticity, and the inner work that supports real transformation. Ashley shares how her journey evolved from body image struggles and fitness coaching into neurobehavioral coaching, and how subconscious reprogramming, nervous system regulation, and aligned action have shaped each new era of her life. We also talk about what it really means to become your “hottest, richest, most successful self,” why authenticity matters more than copying someone else’s path, and how to navigate fear while still moving forward. 

We chat about:

  • The mindset shift that changed everything for her
  • Why reinvention often starts with identity work
  • How fear, proving energy, and dysregulation shaped her past pivots
  • What “The It Girl Mindset” really means
  • Why authenticity is the foundation of confidence and success
  • How to stop copying mentors and define success for yourself
  • The role of subconscious reprogramming in healing old patterns
  • Why internal work has to be paired with aligned action
  • Ashley’s current wellness practices and routines

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SPEAKER_01

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Inspired by Design. Today I am joined by my friend Ashley, who is a neurobehavioral coach, founder, and host of a top 5% worldwide podcast called The It Girl Mindset. You should absolutely check it out if you have never listened to it before. Ashley is truly the queen of reinvention. And even in the last two years that I've known Ashley, she has changed her life so much and transformed herself over and over. In this episode, we dig into the inner work behind real transformation, reprogramming the subconscious, regulating the nervous system, and building a life and business rooted in authentic identity rather than external validation. We explore why defining your next level self is less about adding more and more about peeling back the layers that aren't really you and understanding and working with what works best for you. We also talk about releasing limiting beliefs around self-worth, the role of intuitive action, and why sustainable growth depends on ongoing awareness and everyday wellness practices rather than a single breakthrough moment. I love this conversation. It's super grounding, super down to earth, and has so many tangible tips and tools that you can utilize immediately. I love Ashley so much and I hope that you can feel her genuine and warm energy throughout this episode. And I'm so excited for you to experience all her knowledge. She was actually on the podcast a year and a half ago, I believe. And she was the first person I ever interviewed. So if you want to take a blast to the past, you can go tune into that episode as well. It was episode eight. And give me some grace because that was the first episode I ever interviewed anyone on. So if you do listen back, just know that that that minor detail. But anyway, I'm so excited. Let's get into it. Welcome to the podcast, Ashley.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. So first, if you could just kind of walk everyone through who you are, what you do, and kind of your a little bit about your story.

SPEAKER_02

So I am Ashley. I'm a neurobehavioral coach. And honestly, it took me a really long time to get to this point. I my journey really started off in the personal development world when I was in college. I really struggled with body image. I gained a bunch of weight and it really took a toll on my mental health. You know, you go to college, you drink, you party, you do all the things, right? And it was consuming me. And I was confused because I would look around and everyone's like, I'm having the best time of my life. And I was like, Am I supposed to be having fun here? Like, why am I so miserable? Why am I hating myself? Why am I so mean to myself? Why is this such a struggle for me? And so I started attaching my negative mindset to my body. And I thought if I just became skinny, everything would be fixed. I was like, I just have to lose the weight. I just have to lose the weight. So my one goal in college was to lose weight. I would try to eat as little as possible. I would try to almost brainwash myself in a negative way to be skinny, quote unquote. And so after years of trying and failing, I ended up having this moment with myself. This is a kind of, I don't even know if superpower is what you call it, but I have these pivotal moments in my life where I stare at myself in a mirror, and this one happened to be on a plane coming back from studying abroad. And I was like, we can't do this anymore. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of hating my body. I can't do this anymore. And I had a goal of becoming a professional dancer. And so I was like, How like how am I gonna do that? Like, I have to change something. And I ended up reading a book that touched on mindset, and I was like, Oh, I have to be nice to myself and believe that I can do it. You know, I've tried a million things, a million diets, a million exercise plans. Did you ever do have you heard of Kayla Itzens? Oh my gosh, that was like the thing when I was in college where everyone was doing like this intense hit workout.

SPEAKER_01

So um I had the the Chloe Young. I don't know if you remember that.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I've heard I never, yeah, no, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

That was like the thing when I was in college, and it was like everyone was doing it, everyone was trying to get like the hourglass waist. That was like that was the end. It was all these core workouts and things.

SPEAKER_02

So that's yeah, this was kind of like Kayla Itsen's when I was like, okay, I've tried Kayla Itsen's. Like, if I have to tell myself and be nice to myself, what's one more thing? And honestly, that was the catalyst to everything. I lost 30 pounds within a couple months. It really also helped my confidence and not just because I lost the weight. I think in that moment I thought that I had just gained confidence because I had lost weight. But in reality, it was because I did something hard. I did something that I didn't think was ever gonna happen. I thought I was gonna be miserable in my body forever. And so when I learned that I can use my mind to do that, I was like, oh, cool. If I can lose 30 pounds, I can become a professional dancer. Sure, why not? Ended up becoming a professional dancer and being a 49er cheerleader. And I was like, okay, cool. If I can do this, I can go after my dreams, I can quit my corporate job, I can, you know, go after being a coach and a business owner and an entrepreneur. And of course, all the trials and tribulations and investing in myself brought me to this point. But again, I the catalyst was always the mind. And I thought it was so powerful. And so that has really been the work that I do with my clients now and was the catalyst to me changing my life because we basically have this supercomputer that dictates not only how we show up, who we are, but the opportunities that we actually attract into our life. And that's why I'm so passionate about this is because so many women think they're stuck in their circumstances. They think they have to choose between having something that they're passionate about or something that's actually gonna pay the bills, right? People have all this conditioning on what they believe is possible for themselves, and to empower women that they can do anything that they want, be anything that they want, accomplish anything that they want, is so purposeful for me. Because when I first unlocked that first losing 30 pounds, I was like, holy shit, this is crazy! Like, I just have to brainwash myself, be kind to myself, which did not come easy at first, but I was so desperate that I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna try. Can I swear?

SPEAKER_00

Sorry, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, I was like, fuck it. If I'm gonna if I'm gonna try the hardest workouts and you know, shame myself, I'll just try this being nice to myself. And you know, there's so much power in accomplishing goals, but a big part of my work also is enjoying your life. Like we have we have one life in this lifetime at least. You're not meant to just be a robot and accomplish things, you're meant to live, feel all these emotions, and experience big things. That's a big part of my work as well. Yeah, I feel like there's so much to unpack there. I know. I was like, how deep do you want me to go? Cause no, that was really good.

SPEAKER_01

That was a good synopsis while still kind of covering everything. But I I am a big proponent of mindset work. I love mindset. I talk about mindset a lot on this podcast. So I'm really excited about this conversation because I feel like it flows well with just like a lot of the things that I talk about anyway. And I think that it is so funny because it does sound so simple. Like, what do you mean? I just have to be nice to myself, and then like everything will fall into place. But we're programmed for the negative. Like, we are programmed to think of ourselves negatively. And I think that what you're talking about here is that like the awareness of having that pivot, and I don't need to talk negatively about myself and being aware of those negative thoughts was then what allowed you to change it because if it's in your subconscious, it's just happening and you have no control over it. And I really view you as like the queen of reinvention, like I just truly feel like there has been so many eras of you, like you're literally Taylor Swift with all her eras. No, literally, I know you've talked about your era with like being the quiet girl in high school, and then your era as a 49ers cheerleader, and then your era struggling with body confidence, and your era as a nutrition and fitness coach, and your era now as like the it girl. And I know all of these eras are so different, but I'm sure that the way that you managed to change from like one era to the next was pretty consistent, just like you know, that moment where you looked in the mirror and you're like, I can't do this anymore. So, can you kind of like walk us through what those pivots actually looked like in real time and how you got through those hard seasons? Because I'm sure when you first looked at yourself in the mirror, acknowledging that you couldn't do that anymore is the first part, but then like what do you do from there?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, so my personality is very extreme. I have a very natural all or nothing mindset. And when I have, and I I know this sounds simple, and I don't necessarily think this is the same for everyone, but for me, since I'm so obsessive and intense, I can kind of have that moment where I look in the mirror and I'm like, okay, cool, we're done. I'm changing. And I can really commit to what I say I'm gonna do. And I will say that comes from a state of dysregulation, actually. And I didn't know that until recently. Those pivots were around fear. I was like, and I remember even, you know, my 49er one when I was auditioning for ProDance Teams, a big, a massive motivation boost for me was I got broken up with. I had an ex-boyfriend. I was across the country visiting him, and he broke up with me while I was visiting him there. I basically had to change my flight, come home. There's something about planes that really do something to me, I guess. Um, but I just remember I was waiting in the airport and I was like, fuck this. Like, I'm not gonna let him dictate how I feel about myself because I was really sad. And again, I was ignoring my emotions and I was pushing them down because I wanted to prove myself. And again, that's a whole other rabbit hole in limiting belief in itself. But those moments, again, they a lot of them have stemmed from fear in the past, but now I've gotten to a point where it's like I can do it from a place of empowerment rather than fear. It's so, you know, and I think sometimes you have to go through those pivots of being so, you know, down in the dumps that you're like, okay, I can't do this anymore. And I've had many of those where it's just a switch and I just take action and I completely reinvent myself. But also now I am in a safe, loving relationship. I have so many amazing things around me. That pivot is not as intense because my emotions about it are not as intense. So in those moments, I like to take an identity shift. So I decide who am I gonna be? Who do I wanna be? What does she look like? What does she wear? You know, getting into the nitty-gritty details of who that next level version of you already is. Then I look at my beliefs. What are my limiting beliefs? What are the things that are stopping me from being who I want to be? Right. And it's obviously going to be different for everyone. But the next step is looking at your nervous system, right? What state am I naturally in? Is my nervous system holding me back in some capacity, right? Am I in that response of, oh my gosh, I just need to do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. But a lot of times when you're in that fight or flight state, you're not actually locking in with your intuition and taking aligned action. I think there's a difference between action and aligned action, personally. And then in turn, after that, all of those things dictate how you actually show up. So I like to peel back layer by layer, but I always start at that identity. I'm like, okay, who is this next level version of me? What is she doing that I'm not right now? What are those habits that I need to shift in order to change who I am and in turn reinvent myself into the next level version of me? And I take my word very seriously. I don't, I have a very strong bullshit detector on myself where I'm like, okay, are you actually doing the things or not? Like I have that relationship with myself now. And it's not, you know, negative or mean, but I can be really honest with myself about are you actually doing the things that you need to do to reinvent yourself or are you not? So it's kind of a combination of all of those things. It's doing the internal identity deep work, but also actually showing up and doing the things and being radically honest with yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I feel like sometimes it's easy to, you know, dream about the next level self, but how are you showing up as that person every single day? Or like how are you bringing in the ideas, beliefs, and actions of that ideal person every single day? Because you're not just gonna wake up one day as that person if you never do anything that that person would do. And I think that that is like a lot of the gap in like the personal development and mindset space, is that it's like always this idea or like you know, mindset work and just like thinking about how we can vision or like have a vision, an idea of this thing and like looking at your limiting beliefs. But then what are you doing about those? Like, are you working to rework them? Are you trying to rewrite the limiting stories you have? And so I think that there's like another layer there that you were discussing about just like putting in that actual action and that aligned action and not just like doing things to do things, but things that are like aligned with your next level self. And I'm sure that a lot of this kind of ties into like you coming up with like the it girl and you're starting like the it girl podcast, and what what does it mean to you to be an it girl and kind of like how did that originate and why do you use that language there?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and also I just want to say that's a prime example of me listening to my intuition. I wanted to revamp, just as a little side note, I wanted to revamp my podcast to be mindset driven, and that just popped into my head, but I immediately was like, no, who am I to say I'm an it girl? Like that's that felt so scary to me. I was like, I can't just like claim this name for myself. Like, people are gonna think, who does she think she is? And so in those moments where you make those decisions, there's always still gonna be uncertainty. It's not like I switch my identity. I am showing up as that version, but then there's those moments where it's like, oh wait, this is scary. But it's like it's scary and I'm still gonna move forward. It's scary and I'm still gonna take the action. I'm gonna do the internal work, but I'm also gonna know that on the outside, on the other side of pushing myself out of my comfort zone is expansion. And so, how can you show up with the fear, with the, you know, maybe scarcity? And I think again, that's another thing that people don't talk about in the mindset world. It's like, okay, just clear your limiting belief and everything's magically good to go. And that's not my perception of it. I think doing the internal work can help kind of like lower the barrier for you. It can really help you take action in that way. But also, um, there's gonna be moments where you're scared and it feels uncertain and you have to do it anyways. So that was that case with the it girl mindset. I was like, oh my god, I'm just gonna name myself this. This is like, this is embarrassing. Like, oh my god. Um, but I also knew that the it girl mindset wasn't just about being that mean it girl that you think about in like high school, because that was like where my brain defaulted to. I was like, I don't want people to be like, she's like she's like the mean girl who people just bow down to her and she's not nice. And I kind of wanted to almost like rewire people's opinions on what an it girl meant, because my definition of an it girl is being so authentically you. You know, those people where you're like, oh, they are just like so themselves, whether they're quirky or goofy or whatever it may be, that to me is an it girl. I'm like, you are so cute and quirky and just so yourself that you're your own version of an it girl, right? I think we all need to invent what that actually means to ourselves. I'm not saying you need to be me. Like, that is not what I'm saying at all. You need to find out authentically who you are, and the more authentic you become, the more it girl version of yourself that you become, is my perception and why I named it the it girl mindset.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I love that so much.

SPEAKER_01

And I think that that's like starting to become more of a common thing that's spoken about is like I think there's just such an abundance of information out there. And I think it's easy to look at other people and then just think that we have to mirror what they're doing because we put people on a pedestal, and like that is a version of an it girl, or that is what you think an it girl is supposed to look like. And it's funny that you said that at first you were uncomfortable with the idea of an it girl because you thought of like the mean girl in high school, and I didn't even think of that at all. So it was definitely like part of you overthinking like about it before it went out.

SPEAKER_02

Shocker.

SPEAKER_01

Then when you said that, I was like, okay, I do understand where that's coming from, but I think that it's always it's funny too because I feel like that it girl in high school was never the most competent person, you know, like it was always a form of projection. And I feel like the true embodiment of an it girl, like you said, in the most beautiful form is like being authentically yourself and like you're finding your own version of that. And I know that you focus on helping women become their hottest, richest, most successful self. And I know that that too is a very personal thing, like finding your own definition of success, like what being rich and successful means to you. And so, can you take us through like a mini step-by-step of how someone can identify what their specific hottest, richest, and most successful self looks like? And kind of it like if someone can't really picture it, where should they begin? Because I do feel like it's kind of a foreign thing to some people to envision that next level self.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I think again, this all comes from authenticity. And I talk a lot on my podcast about rebranding yourself, but I don't think about rebranding as completely starting over. You're just getting closer and closer to your authentic self. And it's gonna take trial and error. That's the thing, is like if you can't envision it right off the gate, that's okay. That just means you need to do some self-discovery. And that's what I did. Like, I took a full year to find myself, if I'm being honest. I had to spend time alone, I had to start reading books, I had to connect with my intuition, I had to start, yeah, just again, doing things alone. I started pole dancing, I started um golfing. Like I found hobbies and activities that I actually enjoyed. And, you know, I think when we're so focused on like hot, rich, successful, we can get lost in the sauce and become too obsessed. Where then we start following down a path that wasn't even ours to begin with. We're following someone else's version of success, someone else's version of rich, someone else's version of hot, right? It's like you have to take that time to figure out what that means to yourself. And I know that's not what people want to hear. People want me to be like, okay, you have to do this. This, this, step one, step two, step three, right? Like that's what people want to hear. But that's a really easy way to get down a path where it's not your version of success, right? And I've done that multiple times. Even being a 49er cheerleader, I thought that that was the thing that was gonna make me confident. That was the thing that was gonna make me happy. And I got down that road and I was like, why am I not as excited as all the other girls? Like, why am I not, why am I not happy right now? Like it's a really hard place to be, especially when you put in all this work to get to reaching this goal, and then you realize that you don't feel empty or you feel empty on the inside, then you're like, well, now what? What am I supposed to do now? I thought I had this golden path laid out in front of me, and now I don't even know who I am or what I want. And that's why taking that time to really get to know yourself, try new things, follow your curiosity, right? Like if you are like, I have a pottery class that I've always wanted to go to, follow that curiosity and take action. But you you have to actually take the act and to the other piece. It's not like we can be like, okay, we're just gonna sit and think about things that I'd like to do to figure out my hottest, richest, abundant self, right? It's like you have to go live in the real world and try the things and experience and fail and shift and readjust. And I know people are like, that's not how it's gonna get me to my end goal, but it's like that's life, that's the journey, and the quickest way to get you to your hottest, richest, most successful self is trying and living and learning who you truly are. Some other things that were really helpful for me to understand myself were looking at my human design, looking at my astrology. That's always fun. And then yeah, going out into the world and learning yourself, right? Like I know that's not as straightforward of an answer as you probably wanted, but I think that's the the actual way to authentically figure out what that vision is, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, I really, I really like that answer. And I know that yeah, we want a quick fix, but it is like it is a trial and error and it is a process, but that's kind of what makes it so fun is getting to experience and try new things. And it's not fun per se to like go out and fail, but it is fun to know that you can try something and then if it doesn't work out, you can shift and you can pivot and you can do all these things. And I really resonate with like having an era of time when I needed to find myself and like really getting deep in personal development and learning more about me and trying to discover like who I was and what I'm here to do, like what my passions are. Like I felt like I've always we've we've definitely really related on this over the years, but I always felt like I was trying to be what everyone wanted me to be, or I was trying to be what I thought I should be rather than what I really wanted to be, and just like always letting a lot of external noise in and not being able to like differentiate between what I wanted versus what other people wanted and not wanting to let people down and yeah, all of the things. And I think with that too, I utilized mentorship, and I know you have too, and mentorship's been huge in my life, but I do think sometimes with that I tried to recreate what they were doing to then Oh my god, why are we the same?

SPEAKER_02

No, I yes, have gone down this rabbit hole many times, yes.

SPEAKER_01

Like I can think of like three prominent or two prominent mentors in my life where I've tried to just like not recreate per se, just like do the things they were doing because they had so much success. And I I really like not idolize because I guess that's I mean, yeah, I idolized what and who they were, and I thought that like if I became them, then I would feel how they did, and it's like you're not someone else, and so your dream isn't gonna be exactly the same as someone else's. And I found myself so many times living a day-to-day where I was like, this isn't in line with what I actually want, it really worked for them, but it's not working for me, and then learning to take those bits and pieces, and so I think it's really helpful to have that reminder that like it's so nice to have someone else doing something that you want to do and to kind of pave the way for you and to serve as an inspiration and to kind of guide you, but it's like you need to come back to you because it's so easy to get lost in someone else, whether that's working with a coach or just like idols online, like it's so easy to put someone on a pedestal, especially when you I'm talking to myself specifically, struggled with authenticity and struggled to be who you were, right?

SPEAKER_02

And that's a safety mechanism, right? I learned growing up, and when I after my mute era, which I know we didn't talk about on this episode, but I learned that the way to get people to like or love me was to be exactly who they wanted me to be. And so that was a learned behavior, that was a learned neuropathway in my brain. It was also a nervous system, a learned nervous system state where I was like, cool, it's safer to just be who you want me to be rather than be who I truly am. Because if I try to be myself, that's gonna cause some sort of conflict, whether internally, whether externally, right? And so again, that's why that internal work is so powerful to allow yourself to be who you're meant to be and not based on other people's opinions, other people's expectations, like truly you. And this is something that I think it's gonna be a theme my whole entire life. I think this is just something that I have to go through my whole life to actually truly get to who I am. And that's why with my clients, it's really important to me to listen to their own voice, listen to their own intuition if that takes time to try new things and figure it out. Yeah, we can do that internal work in the process of figuring out where you actually want to go. Because sometimes you have to do that internal work as well, right? Regulating my nervous system changed everything for me because it allowed me to actually sit with myself. I could literally sit in meditation for 20 minutes and just like kind of be chatting with myself, figuring out like what feels good, what doesn't, right? But it took me time to actually get to a state where I felt calm enough to actually listen to those intuitive pings. And so I think it's just again really important to always show up from a place of authenticity. And if it's challenging to show up for you in an authentic way, let's look at your patterns. Let's look at your limiting beliefs, let's look at how you were raised and what felt safe to you in that way. So you can shift all of that and actually show up in your most authentic way. Because trust me, it has not been an easy journey for me. And I know you go the same way.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, absolutely. And I think that you're you sharing this and talking about your story and like what you do on your podcast is so important because it allows people to feel seen and like know that there is other ways. And I think that a lot of people don't realize just how much like your family has impacted your story and your beliefs and your family dynamics and how you were raised, and just everyone around you is constantly shaping your beliefs and your the stories you tell yourself. And I think it's nice to know that because you know that it's not you, like it's not necessarily your fault, but it is your job to change it. Like you can't fall into that victim trap, the victim mentality of I am this way because I was raised this way, or I am this way because so-and-so told me this thing that made me believe this thing, or whatever it is you tell yourself. Like the whole idea here is that like you have so much more power than you realize. And through this work and through subconscious report programming, through regulating your nervous system, through mindset work, you can overcome what you've been through in all stages of your life, but it has to start with you, and it has to start with you looking in the mirror one day and saying, I can't do this anymore, and I need something needs to give, something needs to shift. If you're listening to this and have ever wondered, is my brand bold enough to stand out or am I blending in? I built a quiz that tells you exactly where you stand and what to do next. It's really quick, it's only 10 questions, takes about four minutes, maybe less, and you can take it on your phone whenever. Having a bold brand isn't about being loud, it's about being unmistakably you so the right people find you faster and the wrong ones self-select out. Head to the link in the show notes to take the quiz and find out if your brand is bold enough to stand out or if you're blending in with everyone else in your industry.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I never look at, you know, my family, how I was raised. I think it's really easy to be like, oh, why did they do this to me? But I really like to shift my perspective and hopefully shift your audience's perspective that they were all they're doing the best that they could with the information that they had at that time, right? Just like we are doing the same. And instead of blaming your family, look at it as empowering, just like you said. Like how cool that I can actually change these neuropathways. I can change the patterns, I can change these beliefs, I can change everything to be exactly who I want to be. I don't have to let how I was raised dictate my future, right? And this is the thing. How you were raised, it doesn't even have to be anything negative. Like it doesn't have to be like a big trauma thing that happened. It was how you perceived the situation. Example, some kids absolutely love going to kindergarten. They are so excited to go hang out with people and live their best life. Me, on the other hand, I thought my mom was torturing me. I thought my mom was putting me in kindergarten to just somehow make me miserable because I cried. Yeah, literally. I was like, this like she hates me, right? And it's like, okay, she literally was taken you to kindergarten. You you kind of have to go to school in some capacity. And she worked, so she put me into kindergarten as most people do. That was like a really hard thing for me. I I hated it. I I literally cried every single day when my mom dropped me off. And not just like, oh no, I'm sad. It was like a screaming, like I was terrified. And again, there's another kid that got dropped off at school who's like, bye, mom, love you. Like, see you later, right? Like, yeah, you could have had the exact same experience as another kid, but based on who you are, determined that experience. And so that's why I always like to look at the past and how you were raised as it's not something that happened, you know, to you. It wasn't this intentional negative thing. It's just how you as a human experienced it, and that caused you to have your beliefs. So almost taking it from a blaming it on other people to, oh, this is just how I experienced it, which is why I have these limiting beliefs or I have these, you know, expectations, whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I think that obviously there's so much nuance there with like some things that happen to you obviously were not necessarily like how you perceive. Some things that happen to you are just like not normal, not okay. Like there's like a lot there, obviously. But I do think that what you said about like different people's experiences, like as a kid, you experienced things so differently. And like I am the oldest of four girls, and me and my sisters had very different childhoods. But me and my sister right below me, we had very similar childhoods, and we are very different, and we have very different perceptions of our childhood. And that is just because we are different people, and so we perceived things differently. And we have conversations as adults now, like when that happened, like, why do I not remember that and you remember that, or like, why did you take it that way? I didn't take it that way, or I took it this way and she didn't take it that way. And it's so interesting to like unpack those things, but I do think it gives you a lot of perspective on like just because something occurred like in your childhood, the way that you understood it or took it or dealt with it is personal to you. But I think that it also allows you to like take the initiative there and to change things. And I think there's so much power in that because how much does it suck to like not have any control and to be like, I am this way because I was raised this way, and to feel like you can't do anything about it? Like there's so much that you can do there. And kind of going off of like you talking about like your own experience with subconscious reprogramming and like getting rid of limiting beliefs and stories, like, what do you think has been, if you're comfortable sharing, the most transformational thing that you have uncovered and unblocked through your subconscious reprogramming?

SPEAKER_02

Ooh, there are so many. Um, so I know we kind of talked about that proving energy for a second. So one there's this one moment, and I I believe the belief was just I don't have to prove myself to be valuable. Um, there's this one memory that I have, and I I want to say I was like second or third grade. It was PE. And we were playing kickball, and so there were obviously boys and girls, it was all co-ed, and everyone picked people to be on their team, and I was picked dead last, like completely dead last, and I felt mortified. I was like, I'm not important, no one likes me down that rabbit hole. And then the energy after that, which this is kind of like a theme in my life. Like, if I feel sad, I feel like I have to prove myself in some way. And so in that moment, I was like, oh my gosh, I need to prove myself. I need to show them how valuable I am, right? And I just like I'm naturally good at sports. I just have an older brother and he forced me to play football and all the things. And so I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna feel sad. I'm gonna prove myself. This is the this is funny as we're talking this out. This is the same energy of when that ex-boyfriend broke up with me, and I was like, I'm gonna prove myself. Yeah. Um patterns, yeah, patterns, exactly. So I remember being like, I have to prove myself, and whatever, they threw the soccer ball and I kicked it and I scored like a home run. And I was like, see, I'm gonna prove myself. And then after that, I got picked first almost all of the time. And so I learned, okay, reaffirmed the belief, it reaffirmed the belief, and so I had to go back to that moment and understand why I had to go through that, right? Understand that that was actually a safety mechanism, it was me protecting myself from being hurt. But what I learned is I had to accept that it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel whatever I need to feel. And it their opinions on me don't affect me, anyways. Like I'm my own person, I decide how I want to feel. They don't decide that. No matter what happens in my external world, I get to decide how I feel. So that was a big lesson that I need to learn to let go of that proving energy. So no matter what happens, I know I have myself, whether I'm pick first or last, I know that I can, I can choose myself. And so again, I know that like in that moment it might sound so small, but it really released something for me that was like, oh, I don't have to prove myself. I can do the best that I can and I can still love myself in the process. And so that was probably that was just the one that popped in my head. I've had so many big ones, honestly. I've gone back to my mom dropping me off at kindergarten and you know, all of that deep stuff. There's just there's been so many, but I just wanted to share that one because again, it's one of those moments where it's like, yeah, you can feel sad getting picked last. But the amount of scarcity and fear and shame that I felt in that moment carried on my whole life up until I was able to process that, feel it, process it, and let it go.

SPEAKER_01

And it's funny too, because I feel like once you identify something like that, you can then see how it showed up in so many other areas of your life. And I know I've done like I think I've done two NLP sessions with you, and it's so funny because like you really, you know, you take them back to the memory, and then you go through that, and then you rewrite it, and then you go through the timeline and apply it to all of the new thing, new times in your life that you can think of. And it's so interesting how your mind can really connect all of the situations. Obviously, not every single one. There's so much there that you probably don't remember or can't even identify. But it's funny how we just we do just know. And I was thinking about like one of the NLP sessions I did with you. I remember I went back to a memory that I had that I didn't know I had, um, of me being a small child, don't even know how old, and my dad leaving for work and saying bye to me and leaving. And as one does, as a father does when he goes to work, like there's nothing wrong with that. But I internalized that as like people leave, and that like I wasn't important and I made that about my value as a person. And I remember seeing so many instances in my life, whether that be relationships, friendships, and just seeing how people pleasing showed up in my life in order to keep people around because I was afraid people were just gonna leave, and also how that developed negative stories towards work, you know, having like he was leaving to go to work, and so it was like associating work with something bad or negative. And so it's nice that you said the situations don't have to be positive or negative, like it could just be something that happened, but it's like the meaning that we make from it and how we can see it appear in so many areas of our life. And I think from this, we everyone can probably tell that the situations are gonna keep reoccurring, like yeah, it's gonna happen, but once you like you know, feel it, heal it, and release it, if it happens again, you know what to do. So I feel like it doesn't necessarily get rid of the fear altogether, but it makes it less big and less scary. And so I know, like for me, trying to clear people pleasing patterns, like it definitely still shows up, but I act so differently now than I used to. When that fear showed up, I would give in and I would do the people pleasing. And now it's like when the fear shows up, I know how to act differently and I know what to do because of that work.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And that's the thing too, is there's layers to everything, right? It's not like you, I think there are some people that promote subconscious reprogramming and they're like, Yep, you clear this and your life is perfect after that. And that is that's not the approach that I take because I think of our beliefs as like these squiggly lines, almost like a like it literally looks like a brain, where it's like all those squiggly lines, like there's so many different layers and patterns and different things to uncover. And that one subconscious reprogramming, yes, that's gonna help so much. But also, there's probably another layer, another pattern. And this is not to discourage you and be like, you know, you're gonna have to heal forever. But I always like to just be very real and be like, there's layers to this work. It's not just one reprogramming and then everything changes. I will say, when you hit on those big ones though, like I've had a couple big ones where that really just like opened the floodgates to being so aware and viewing these different aspects of my life that I could immediately change them. I was like, I just needed to unlock that so I could be aware of these patterns and now I can change them, right? That's where that action piece comes in, though, because you have to actively change that. That's why the mindset work is so insanely powerful, but it's the action that actually changes the outcome, not just the internal work. The internal work is so powerful and I will scream it from the rooftops for the rest of my life, but you have to take the action too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I think too, every layer you peel back, you feel better. So, like, yeah, not to discourage you that there are a million layers, but like every single time you do uncover a limiting belief, you do uncover a block, you do kind of get over something like that, you feel better. And like there is to be more, but you're making positive change in the right direction. And that's what's going to make the most ripple into every other area. Yeah, absolutely. But I have some final questions for you. Um, what is your favorite wellness practice?

SPEAKER_02

So I like to take my routines from a very I have like a menu of things that I can do to feel good in the morning. I take a soft girl discipline approach is what I call it where I decide what I'm going to do in that time, but I'm allowing my intuition to kind of guide me and my body to guide me what I feel like I need. For example, right now I'm in my gym era. So I've been going to the gym in the mornings and it's been feeling really, really good. And so I'll wake up, I'll just try to immediately go to the gym because I also have learned myself that sometimes I can overthink and talk myself out of it. So if I can get there before I talk myself out of it, I know it's going to happen and I'm going to feel better. Then I come home and I try to calm my nervous system a bit because even though working out is great for you, it's still dysregulating in a sense because it's adding stress to your body, right? So I come home and I try to regulate my nervous system a bit. I'll do some a combination of like breath work, um EFT tapping, shaking, and then a little bit of meditation. But sometimes I do that for 20 minutes, sometimes I do it for five minutes. It really depends. But um yeah I also wellness hack I listen to good music while I meditate. I think everyone thinks that you have to listen to like boring music but like Odessa fire for meditation. There's like so many different types of music that are really powerful for meditation too. And I'm such a feeling person that I feel music. And so that's just a little wellness mindset hack that I wanted to mention.

SPEAKER_01

So I love that I know I think people think they have to either sit in silence or like listen to like mantra music or something and like you can I I there there's times when I like doing that. But I've never listened to like full mute like I feel like I would like to listen like Tame and Paula.

SPEAKER_02

Like just like IBM it literally changes how you feel so it's like I don't know I feel like I have different visions and things come in my brain from using music like that.

SPEAKER_00

I love that um what is your favorite book or podcast right now?

SPEAKER_02

Oh my favorite podcast right now is called The Wellness Process. Her name is Elizabeth Andres I think is how you say her last name she is a highly sensitive girl and she talks a lot about that managing her emotions like running her own business while taking care of the highly sensitive version of her so I really resonate with everything she says love her. Oh I love that I've never heard of that so I will have to check her out um is there a product that you can't live without not a specific brand but like I always have to have lip gloss or traps on me at all times or I feel like I can't speak. Like I feel yeah I'm like I feel crusty if I don't if my lips are not juicy you know agreed especially if you're like recording a video or something and like I can see it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then lastly someone who inspires you can be someone in your life or like a um person in like an influencer or something like that.

SPEAKER_02

I honestly will probably say that girl from the wellness process Elizabeth Andres I she's so inspiring the way she shows up and the way she is present with herself and her emotions in the way that she shares it and she lives this bougie lifestyle which I love.

SPEAKER_01

She's like spiritual and bougie and I I love that yeah I love that fun combo. All right well can you share with everyone where they can find you and connect with you yeah I love it if you guys wanted to follow along on my podcast.

SPEAKER_02

It's called the It Girl Mindset. It's on Spotify Apple Podcasts and YouTube. And you can also follow me on Instagram and TikTok just at Ashley Robots. Yay thank you so much yay thank you so much for having me