Art of Letting Go

Episode 5: The Art of Letting Go 🎈✨

Why is letting go so hard? Whether it's a relationship, a past mistake, or an old version of yourself, releasing what no longer serves you can feel overwhelming—but it’s also one of the most powerful things you can do for your growth.

In this episode of Shift Happens with Shay, we’re diving into why we hold on to things that hurt us, the emotional and mental weight of resistance, practical steps to surrender and embrace new beginnings, and how letting go creates space for peace, healing, and self-discovery

If you’ve been struggling to release something in your life, this episode is for you. Let’s shift together.

#ShiftHappensWithShay #TheArtOfLettingGo #HealingJourney #NewBeginnings

Continue the conversation with Shay on her Instagram, Facebook page, website, and linkedIn! You can also email Shay at shifthappenswithshay@gmail.com if you are looking for insight about your life, send your stories, or request topics you would like to address.

Please note this podcast is not a substitution for therapy, if you require assistance with exploring trauma, deeper relationship issues, or more please reach out to establish care.

Transcript

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Hey there, and welcome to Shift Happens with Shea. I'm Shea, your host and licensed marriage and family therapist. This podcast is where we dive into all the shift life throws our way, whether it's relationships, mental health, personal growth, or just figuring out this crazy journey of adulting. Here, we're all about honest conversation, real stories, and a whole lot of laughs as we tackle life's challenges together. This is your space to grow, explore, and feel seen. So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cup of coffee or a wine, and let's get ready to shift through it all. Thanks for tuning in, and remember, no matter what life brings us, we're in this together. Hi beautiful people Welcome back to another session. How have you been? It's been two weeks since our last one where we talked about the power of saying no I hope you guys have been practicing that putting some boundaries in place with people who truly need it jobs Events anything that you've had trouble saying no to so, how did you do? Did you do? Okay And also, don't beat up yourself if you didn't. If it was hard and it was difficult, take that time to journal it. Why was it so hard? Is it because I'm so used to saying yes? Am I afraid of people's thoughts about me? Why do I care about what their thoughts are? What does that mean for me? Just take some time for yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Practice makes perfect. So, we definitely want to perfect the art of saying no. And sometimes, maybe, the art of letting go may help you release what no longer serves you. It may help you release that yes. So I'd say for me, letting go can show up in a lot of ways in my life. Whether that's jobs I had to let go, friendships, which you guys heard in session three There are just many examples out here. I will say Relationships tend to be easiest for me to think about. I mean like of course we can talk about habits and mindsets Relationships for me, I'd say personally was my relationship that I had back in 2018. I had started dating this guy, of course, you know after I think it was POF One of those apps, right? Because it's hard to meet people in face to face. And maybe some of my friends listening in, they do remember that time. So, 2018 I started talking to this guy, gave it a chance because, hey, at that point, I had been single for about, um, seven years, maybe? My last official relationship prior to that was 2012. Yeah, it's hard thinking. I'm like actually making faces right now, which, sidebar, I definitely will start recording myself video wise so it can feel a little bit more personal for us, right? Back from the sidebar. Yeah, it had to be like 2012 was like my last like official relationship. And okay, so about six years. Hmm, still long as all could be. By the time I got to him whatever, opened up. Talked to him for a bit. Great on paper, wonderful personality, sweet person, but things just fell off because we weren't on the same wavelength. And in that relationship when you start, when I start, noticing that things were not lining up, kind of like if not making the effort to come see me, I had to always go to him. And don't get me wrong, he actually took care of me anytime I go to his house for the weekend. We go out, he pay for everything, drive everywhere. I didn't have to lick the finger. I did get business treatment with him. I can give that, okay? But other than that, would not make the effort to come to me to do anything. And when I had certain desires or dreams, like my besties know, I've been talking about Thailand since I could remember. Honestly, since me and my body. Got off of our trip from Korea in 2017. Oh, it has been a dream I was like Korea was amazing. Visiting Seoul and being a part of the culture I just knew Thailand had to be the next one and I remember telling him about it because I don't know he had a weird thing with money And I don't really have a weird thing with money. I'm you know keep things to myself when needed I'm not telling everybody about my financial business, but when you're in a relationship Financial transparency is important. So I found it really weird that he would hide things that we already had talked about before When it came to money and like I said, certain desires. So going back to Thailand, I had mentioned to him, because whatever, I noticed that he had like a big check or whatever. I was like, cool, so that means he would have money for this trip and I would just have to get my money together so that we could go and make things happen. I had mentioned Thailand and wanting to travel abroad and go to trips and he just knocked the idea down. Wouldn't entertain it didn't even give it a time of day despite knowing how important it was to me. But we would make time. To go to baseball games for him. Anybody knows me. I'm not a big fan of Miami Y'all know I like to stay away from Miami as far away as possible If you are my sorority sister and you were there from 2013, you know exactly why I like to stay away from that And that is a story to I don't know if another day, but I keep it to myself to be quite honest Some things don't need to be said out loud, but I don't really have too many fond memories in Miami, but whatever, we compromise, we go down there, go see a baseball game, which I'm not interested in sports, but I learned the game to be a part of it, or his dream of wanting to buy a not a catamaran, what was it, a platoon? If I remember correctly it was a platoon. He wanted to get that, and by all means, I get it, it's your money and that's what you want to do with it, cool. But I'm just thinking okay, you came at me saying how expensive it is to go to Thailand and no offense You it would cost less than you buying your boat for us to go and that's not even including like me in the cost So that would have cost way less for us to have an international experience But always would downplay that kind of stuff. Doesn't help that we were also on different political teams. But he was open to being educated, so I'll give him that. But yeah, just anything that I would mention, get knocked down. So a lot of things I'm into, wanted to do, he wasn't really into it. So it felt like I couldn't really be my full self with him. And also, he was looking for his ex inside of me, to be quite honest. Wanting a wife, wanting me to move in with him, wanting me to pretty much move my world to go into this house. That he, just to let y'all know, he did buy that with his ex. Whatever. A lot of things in here that are like, eh, eh. And I stayed in that relationship from June to about December. But, to be quite honest guys, after the summer, I pretty much was single in that relationship. And if you know what that feels like, oh, it sucks. It's kind of like, what's the point of being in a relationship? You could just do bad all by yourself. It's after a while when you're just moving on your own. It was times we were going like weeks without seeing each other. And it didn't bother me. I didn't feel upset. I didn't feel like, oh my god, where's my boyfriend? Why is he not reaching out to me as much? I also wasn't reaching out to him as much either. I felt like we were just just going with the motion. Just going with it. Of course, the I love you's. I mean, let me stop playing. I don't even remember if I even told him I love you, but I stopped really being affectionate and pulling away and noticing that he was doing the same thing. I'd say October. Yes, because we went to the Pride Festival and that was so much fun. Yeah, I have pictures from that time. Yeah, we went there and, that was fun. Not that he was being like rude or anything there. But, I was just like, literally we've been together since June. It's now October, so six to ten months, oh four months now. This is the only thing you've done that's in my interest. Besides the surprise birthday party that my friends do together for me. And he did help surprise me. Other than that, literally, this is the only thing that of my interest, something that I enjoy doing that you're, you've been a part of, crazy, whatever, played the motions there, held hands, hugged, all that stuff. And I just had an epiphany. I, like I said, I noticed it before, but probably November, I really sat down with myself and was like, why am I in this relationship? What does it offer me? What does it give to me? What am I really looking for here? And I couldn't bring anything back. I had detached from this relationship so long ago, my mind and I would say my heart knew first before my mind got there. I guess my soul, my heart, those realms of me were already gone from here, had detached from this while my physical was still acting up, just going with emotions. And I realized what, what am I doing? It is what it is, but I held off. And didn't really say much until he had the audacity to try and break up with me over text because he realized things weren't going well, I don't remember the exact text, but it was just something along that lines that I could be happy, without him kind of deal, blah, blah, blah. I didn't even entertain the conversation and told him, you're not going to break up with me over text, we're going to have an adult conversation about it. That's just what we're going to do. It's okay if that's, we want to split ways, but we're going to do each other the, Justice and talk about it in person because what at that point I was 27 Yeah, and he's older than me. So I was like, you're not gonna we're not gonna break over text. Absolutely not I value myself. So anyways went over to his house started taking stuff apart taking my stuff But if I was a dad doing all that stuff and he gets very emotional Like I told you guys I had already in my soul. My spirit. My heart is already gone I'm just like what is going on here? Well He cries about how, whatever, I'm a nice person, I'm great, I'm such a sweet person, this, that, and the third, and that he feels bad for hurting me. Crazy is that I wasn't hurt and he felt guilty as if probably he knew deep down he was leading me on because I'm not his ex. I had let go and told him and, it's okay. I realized a while ago, this epiphany I had in November, I am not the girl you're gonna move the mountains for. I get that. I'm not her. You're not gonna turn over the world for me. You're not gonna reach the stars for me. I'm not the one you're going to do all this for, and I understand that. And that's why we're here. We're Leaving each other and we're doing it the right way by being in each other's face and talking it through I had to counsel my ex through his feelings as for our breakup crazy stuff, right? Yeah, I helped had to help him kind of move through that and you know It is what it is, but I had to help him move through that and that was an important lesson for me Understanding that some things are not meant for me. No matter how great on paper. They look no matter If there is a tinge of fear of being alone, even if it meant that I wouldn't see my next, I don't know, relationship for the next six, seven years. That me being caged up and staying in something that wasn't meant for me and didn't make me happy didn't bring any pretty much joy to my life. I'm not going to say he didn't burn any joy, but he didn't, it didn't justify enough to keep it going. Let it go. Let it go. Why stay in a situation where you're unsatisfied? Whether that's a relationship, whether that's a career, whether that's a friendship, whether that's even an event you're going to and you thought it was going to be amazing or whatever or just a crowd of people you're around, why stay if it doesn't benefit you? If it doesn't empower you, if it doesn't help you grow, if it doesn't give you peace. It's important to be aligned with yourself. When you are disconnected, you're doing a disservice to yourself. You're impacting your relationship with yourself, and you should value that the most. Because self love's important. So it's important for us. If I wanna grow, and I wanna have a peace of mind in my heart too, I gotta let go of things that don't serve me. When I broke up with him, or we broke up, I felt so relieved. I never felt that in a breakup before. Like a burden, this heavy weight was lifted off of me. I lived my best life and then went to New Orleans probably like in January for a wedding. And I felt so good about it, like I wasn't really hurting and some friends were like, what the heck? Others were like, yes, finally. And my cacique was like, Oh my God, that's okay. Good thing. I thought, cause he didn't fit the kind of guy you said you'd be into or that would be for you. As you mentioned, cause he wasn't Asian. I love my Casique. News alert, if you do know me, my boyfriend is Asian right now. So I thought that was really funny, but other people could see outside of that, he wasn't for me. Though, though I was smiling a bit, though I was having fun here and there, and though he was a nice person, not for me. Sometimes you learn it a little later on, but when you hear it for yourself, listen to yourself, your voice, your words, your thoughts, your feelings, they're important. Follow through and listen to you. Okay, So I know we struggle with letting go. Why comfort zones, fear of changes. or even the attachments that we have created while being in the situation because it has meaning to it. And that's okay. At one point it did possibly serve you. At one point it was a discomfort zone that you made comfortable. At one point it was the change that you needed for yourself and now it no longer serves anything. It hurts more. So Like friendships, as I mentioned in session three, my long 10 year friendship, 10 plus years friendship. I held on just out of no fear of change, but I had an attachment. I based it off the good times we already had. I based it off, good memories, words that she had said that was encouraging, how she showed up for me when we were having our good times. And it was comfortable. I didn't really have to do anything. I already knew. I knew what this was. I knew how she moved. I knew how she talked. I knew her thought process. I knew it all. I knew it. I'm comfortable here. So, whatever. I know what to expect. But when we gotta let go, we don't know what to expect. To a degree. I get that. Even jobs. This is what I know. I've been doing this for so long. I hear that. I worked as a medical assistant for six years. And I was comfortable. I made the SLPs. I rocked that job. I knew what I was doing. Became a supervisor within I think two, three years of me being there. Yeah, two years. Me being there was a supervisor, did the VIP accounts. You couldn't tell me nothing. I was the book. If y'all can find the answer, I definitely would have. But it wasn't for me. Could I have done that job for the rest of my life? Maybe with a different leadership team. But yeah, I probably could because I did enjoy what I did. But it wasn't serving me any growth. I was not growing and I did not have a peace of mind. I would have grown resentful. Let go. Because there are worse things to fear than change. Resentment, shame, guilt, disappointing yourself. Fear that more. Not anybody else. The fear of disappointing you and not giving yourself the chance because you don't think you deserve it. Fear that. That's something to truly be wary of because you always are worthy of taking a risk for. As I mentioned, it has an emotional toll on us when we hold on to things that drain us. I know while I'm talking about this, you have already thought about that situation, friendship, relationship, co parenting situation, family members. Just think about that. You thought about that person or that situation that brings you dread. It is mentally exhausting. Some of you probably even nodded your heads, already thinking about it. Oh, yup, mm hmm, yeah, I really do need to let that go. Any certain lifestyle, job, friendship, you thought about it. And you thought about how it hinders your personal growth. It takes more from you than it gives. Aren't you tired of being tired? Aren't you tired of rolling your eyes when you see that person's text or phone call come through? Or maybe instead of rolling your eyes, you dread, like you feel a pit in your stomach with anxiety of having to even deal with this. Don't you want to relieve yourself of that? You deserve that. You deserve peace. Our body deserves peace. Our mind deserves peace. Your heart deserves peace. We don't deserve to be going through flips and mental dynastics really to just get through the day because of a certain event. I get, hold on, I do understand that there are some places and some things that are hard to leave. Whether that is the home, because you have to be with that person because this is what you could afford. Or you have to keep that job you hate so much that takes from you because it pays. a lot and it helps you with your bills. It gives you flexibility. But is it really flexible if you're compromising yourself? Because there's a difference. There are times you know when to let go. Emotional burnout, as I talked about. That dread. That resentment. That anger. Hopelessness. Worthlessness. The future feels bleak. You lack joy. And the big one. It does not align with your values. If it doesn't align with who you are as a person, let it. When you do things that align with what you believe in, what you love, what you want to do, you will see it benefits you. You will flourish and you will grow and you will blossom. You will transform to your next step. It will have its challenges, but it won't drain you. It won't steal from you and I mentioned challenges because yeah, they're both gonna have challenges But one of them is gonna serve you for the good while the other one will be your demise Why stay in something or with someone that will cause you demise that is here to just take and destroy From you. You don't deserve that. So I know it's hard. I'm not telling you to make any decisions right now while we're on this, while we're on this, let's say call. While we're in this session, I'm not telling you to make any decisions. I just want you to reflect. Give yourself the chance to think it through. Identify areas in your life where you may need to release something. How does this person Serve my life. How does this friendship help me? What have I given to this situation? What have a part of myself have I offered and seen in return? How is this helping me to my next steps, goals? What does this do for me? What is the purpose of this event, place, person, situation? What is the reason? Why do I stay? Write that out. Why do I stay? Don't judge yourself. Even if you think it's cringe, the reason you're staying. Remember, we write and explore with curiosity, not judgment. Don't judge yourself. There's enough people in this crazy world to do it for you. Don't be another critical voice. Curiosity and compassion. Why do you truly stay? With the person you're with, the situation, the job, whatever it may be. Why do you stay in it? And when you find out that why, go deeper. I stay in it because da da da da. But what would it mean if I did leave that? What am I afraid will happen? What do I think will happen? What do I think of myself? Because you may find that maybe you don't believe that you can do better without this situation or that you can do better than the situation. Dig deeper and know that letting go is a process. It's not a one time event because In relationships, even for the example I put, in that relationship, I had let go at times and not even known it. Every step, every month, every time my desires or dreams were put down or whatnot, I was letting go. Not shutting down, just letting go, stepping back, distancing myself. And the same thing for anything else, you will. I have tried to leave that job of six years multiple times. The year that I became a supervisor. Actually, I, shoot, I applied to a lot of places. I applied to so many places. It's not going to be a one and done. There are going to be times where it's going to be hard and you're going to have to think about it, sleep on it, think about it, sleep on it, reflect, talk with your counsel, your loved ones, your close ones that you were okay with being vulnerable with, checking in and letting go little by little. And some things do require us to do it little by little. Gradual detachment, seeking support, reframing your thoughts. That will take time to change mindsets, toxic relationships, toxic friendships, toxic careers. It will take time. Give yourself grace and compassion as you go through this shift in your life. It's like grief. There are emotional stages to letting go. You're gonna grieve it because you're gonna think about the potential. You're gonna grieve all that you put into it. You're gonna grieve how much you invested. You're gonna grieve what its initial purpose was, why you even were in here, how'd you get here. You're gonna grieve that. And that's okay. That's where we all have to start. Letting go and being, just grief. Be sad, be upset. Be disappointed. Be hurt. In this moment, give yourself that space. Then, eventually you will get to acceptance. That, man I know this is not for me. It's, I understand. It's not for me. And I get it. And then the more you come to terms with that acceptance, the more you had allowed yourself to grieve and let go and bury the attachment you had to this person or event or place, or even your identity that you may have put here, you will reach freedom. You will flourish. You will be liberated. Take your time. This is not a step one, two, three. You may have gotten acceptance and knowing that it's not for you, but you didn't take the time to grieve it. You may already know the freedom it will get, but you didn't take the time to really accept that you do deserve that freedom. This can go in many different ways. Don't judge yourself. We all have different ways that we handle things and that's okay. Be different. Be you. Do what works for you, but allow yourself to grieve, accept, and know that you are worthy of freedom. So. Do you think you can do it? Do you think you can walk away from that person or that situation or that job? I want you to know that you are so worthy. You are so deserving of so much more. Don't let this person or this situation make you think that you can't do it without it. You're so capable. You are resilient. You will overcome. You always do. And if you can't remember off the top, give yourself time. To jot down things you have overcome. Times where you have pivoted and it has worked out. And even the times when you pivoted and it didn't work out, how did you get through? You're so capable, beautiful. You are. So take that time to believe in yourself. Remind yourself who you are. You can get through this. It will take time, and that's okay. Time letting go is different than time wasting away. with people or situations that no longer serve you. Do not choose others again out of comfort, fear. Choose you. You deserve and you're worthy of being chosen. This is another way to choose yourself, to love yourself, to establish boundaries, to say no. I am no longer compromising me. I am no longer taking this situation on. I'm no longer going to lose me in it. I'm no longer gonna say yes to it. No. No is a full sentence. No. I don't want this from me anymore, Shay. I deserve more. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And I will root you on for that more. I will always root you on. Push. You got this. I promise you do. So take your small steps to releasing what no longer serves you. You really have this. And if you have a story or you want to chat with me, reach out or you need some, debriefing. I get that. I hear you. Send me a DM. You can also find me on LinkedIn if you want. If you want to look me up and actually do sessions with me, cause you need help with letting go, you can do that. Find me and we can start our therapeutic journey together. In the meantime, if you're not ready for therapy, that's okay. Soundboard with me. Let's connect. We'll talk on Instagram. You'll see your community. You guys are here to shift with each other. Sip and shift. You deserve to not be alone with us. I am your online diary. And whatever feelings came up with you, whatever triggers you felt, that emotional trigger, you felt your heart cinch up, you felt it get tight, your chest, your stomach felt like a pit, you cried, you felt chills, whatever came up for you, let them pass. Leave the heaviness with me, but do the work after you listen to this podcast, after this ends. Do the work to let go what no longer serves you, because you are worthy of more. Hmm. Okay. And this goes back into building and maintaining meaningful connections in our life. That's going to be our next episode. Because after we let go of what's no longer for us, we make room for what is. We make room to actually take time to build better connections, communities, opportunities. You free up your heart to receive. We have to let go in order to receive. So join me in our next episode or our next session. We're going to dive back in a little bit more to friendships in adulthood, because we're going to learn how to build and maintain meaningful connections. Those connections that evolve over the years that you truly deserve. Honestly, I know you probably thought about somebody, you already have that way. And it's okay. If you know somebody who doesn't have that, tell them to tune in. But I hope today you got what you needed. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable with you in my stories. And you be vulnerable with me. Thank you for being vulnerable with me. So, I adore you guys. Thank you for your time and your support. I will be eventually reopening my shop again. Look out for my new name. I am doing some Rebranding, not what shift happens to Shay, but for those of you who know my other page as Road to Snatch. I'm having some new changes over there, so get excited as I go through another shift in my life, as I transform to another stage. So say bye bye to Road to Snatch, but get excited for what's up next, because it's gonna align with where we're at. And also I'll be able to provide you guys some things that you can take home. I know my podcasts are great, but sometimes you want something tangible. And we want to make your space feel beautiful. That's just a little teaser there. Get ready for that. Hold on to that. But again, thank you guys so much for being here with me. I appreciate you all. You are amazing. You are amazing. So I'll see you for our next session, okay? You can find me on Instagram, my shift happens with Shea. You can also email me if you have any questions or maybe you want to collaborate with me and you have a topic and you want to join me and share with the rest of the world. You can email me at shifthappenswithshea at gmail. com Let's talk. Let's get to know each other. If you're interested and want me to speak somewhere to your followers or your, people and they need to hear a little Shea Shea Send those inquiries still there to shiftadmintoshay at gmail. com. But yes, everybody, find me. You can link up with me. And think hard on those questions I mentioned. I'll post about it on the Instagram. Talk down there. Collaborate with me. Let's share some thoughts. And I can't wait to see you for your next session. You're doing great. Keep doing the work. This is only just part of it. Love you guys! See you again! Mwah!