The Power of Vulnerability: How Being Real Strengthens Relationships

What if the key to deeper, more fulfilling relationships isn’t perfection, but vulnerability? In this episode of Shift Happens with Shay, we’re breaking down why emotional openness is a superpower—not a weakness.

We’ve all been there: wanting to connect, but fearing rejection, judgment, or appearing "too much." The truth? Vulnerability is the foundation of trust, intimacy, and meaningful relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or professional.

✨ In this episode, we’ll explore:
✔️ Why vulnerability is essential for strong connections
✔️ How to move past the fear of opening up
✔️ Practical ways to embrace emotional authenticity without feeling overly exposed
✔️ How vulnerability builds trust, confidence, and deeper intimacy

If you've ever struggled with letting your guard down, this conversation will help you reframe vulnerability as a strength—not something to hide.

🎧 Tune in now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts!

🔗 Let’s continue the conversation: Connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Pinterest @ShiftHappensWithShay.

💬 How do you feel about vulnerability in relationships? Drop your thoughts in the comments or leave a review!

#VulnerabilityIsStrength #AuthenticConnections #DeepConversations #EmotionalWellness

Continue the conversation with Shay on her Instagram, Facebook page, website, and linkedIn! You can also email Shay at shifthappenswithshay@gmail.com if you are looking for insight about your life, send your stories, or request topics you would like to address.

Please note this podcast is not a substitution for therapy, if you require assistance with exploring trauma, deeper relationship issues, or more please reach out to establish care.

Transcript

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Hey there, and welcome to Shift Happens with Shea. I'm Shea, your host and licensed marriage and family therapist. This podcast is where we dive into all the shift life throws our way, whether it's relationships, mental health, personal growth, or just figuring out this crazy journey of adulting. Here, we're all about honest conversation, real stories, and a whole lot of laughs as we tackle life's challenges together. This is your space to grow, explore, and feel seen. So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cup of coffee or a wine, and let's get ready to shift through it all. Thanks for tuning in, and remember, no matter what life brings us, we're in this together. Welcome back guys to another session. I am so excited to talk to you guys about today's topic. And it is, we are here at the power of vulnerability, and we're going to talk about how being real strengthens our relationships. Last time we talked about rewriting our narrative. I hope you guys took the time to really think about some of the things we discussed in there about how you can be true to you, how you can limit those limited beliefs, how you can get rid of them. I hope you've actually come closer to identifying what your limiting beliefs were and Took the actionable steps that we talked about so that you could start rewriting or reauthoring your personal narrative getting rid of Everybody else's thoughts about you and creating a more self compassionate and empowered version of you So in last episode we did talk about vulnerability being in there, too Because we have to debunk some of the BS out there about vulnerability. Vulnerability is a strength in our relationships. It is a necessary part in connecting with others. And I find that today is important since we are continuing our series around embracing change and empowering yourself. Vulnerability in itself. Like for me personally, vulnerability is an ongoing journey. I love it now, but it was very difficult before because I always saw it as possibly being a weakness or maybe not being emotionally stable at some point. If I was too emotional or too attuned to my feelings, I'll say when it came to work, we're now, of course, a family of five, but back in the day, it was just three of us. It was me, my sister, Nia, and my mom. So we always were seen as the three musketeers. When. I probably, I'm pretty sure I did mention this in our first like full session, episode two, when my dad was no longer in the picture. And I say that like physically present in my teenage years, I did become more aware of what was going on in the dynamics between my mom and my dad. Child support, whatever, all of that stuff. I did become more aware to though. My mom did her best to not expose us. You start to hear things. So of course you're more aware. You're, you become, you start to develop your own insight, your own biases about situations. So my mom always, for the record, spoke great about my dad. Like she never told us to. Disrespect him, disregard him, dismiss him, none of that stuff. She did everything and still to this day continues to do everything in her power for us to have a healthy relationship with my dad. Though me and my sister have informed her to kind of step back from that role because being adults now we are in charge of our relationship. with our parents. And I feel vice versa. Parents are responsible for their relationship with their adult children. It's not just a, I'm a mom and a dad. You need to make all the efforts to speak with me. It goes both ways here. So going back, cause a little bit of that is why I don't really speak to my dad right now. Going back to that when he wasn't really there, I don't know when I decided to do it, or if it was a conscious. Thought of yes, this is your role. But I think over time I just got not tired, but it hurts to see my mom hurt. It hurts to see my sister hurt. It hurts to see them met with rejection or despair. So somewhere in my being it just felt you know what? You got to be the strong one for your family. You have to uplift your mom and uplift your sister. You have to make sure your sister's on the right path because your mom already has so much to deal with. And nobody told me to take that role. Nobody said I had to be the strong one. The message just developed and I feel like sometimes we put ourselves in these roles because we think a situation requires us to step up. But I'm like in my teenage years, like I'm at this point. I think I could feel, I feel like I could remember things around 16 more clearly, but somewhere around that time of 15, 16, maybe even 14, like that role started to come even more defined, become more defined that I had to be strong from my mother. I had to be understandable. I had to be reasonable. There's no reason to be acting out, to be doing. The utmost it's just not your mom goes through enough were some of the things that would ring through my mind So I always took it upon myself that if My mom was crying or my sister was crying. I had to do everything in my power to make sure the house was okay. That nothing rocked or fell apart that I had to carry that responsibility on my shoulders. That if they were down for the count, it's okay. I could hold that space. I can do it. They can cry. They can take this moment. They need it more than I do. I don't need to do that. I am stronger than this. And I. Took the role as my father or more of the protector and I had no room to be doing that when I was still developing my own Emotional regulations understanding myself. I really didn't understand myself that much I just always saw me as the strong one and that was also in my friendships to like you're the strong one You're the reasonable one You're you know, you got it together You know, what's expected of you. So you have to keep it together. If not you, who else? So I really did take that role. And when it came to my family, I not because I didn't trust them, or maybe I didn't because vulnerability requires trust and exposure to harm from loved ones, hoping that they won't harm you. Maybe I didn't trust that my mom could keep it together. Maybe I didn't trust that my sister could get it right on her own without me. Maybe I did feel that it was up to me and only I could do it. Only I could shoulder my mother's pain. Only I could push my mom forward and let her know that she did get it right. Only I, like I mentioned, can get my sister on the right path. If I am the I guess it sounds like perfection, then the blue, the blueprints already there. They don't have to go through the hardship. I'll go through the hardship. And that's a lot of responsibility to unconsciously take at the age of 16. I can't remember what age it was, but I always do remember my sister telling me in one of our conversations that I didn't need a father. I didn't need you to be dad. I needed my sister. I just need my big sister. And. I'm sure that was years, way years later, I'm pretty sure like young adult, like in my twenties when she told me that and I backed away a lot. I backed off because that's when I actually consciously realized what I was doing. So for about maybe, I don't know, six years or so, I just was out and about being the protector thinking I'm doing everything right. I was not relying on my family. If I was going through something, my family would not know. If I needed help, my, I would not ask my family and not because they could not provide for me. But in my head, I'm the strong one. I have to have it together. You have to have it all together. You're the oldest sister. You have to be an example to your younger sister. I had to figure it out. Not because my mom forced me to because she didn't. I had it in my head that no, you are better than that. You don't require help. You can do it. And one of the things where vulnerability is that we can't do vulnerability alone. You can't. So definitely over time, I learned that vulnerability wasn't a weakness to cry, to be soft, to wear your heart on your sleeve. It is a strength because it takes a great deal of courage to. Be that raw for somebody to really put who you are taking off your armor and that mask and presenting your true self to the world, hoping that the people you chose in your community, tribe, circle, whatever word you would like to use, will not use. Your weaknesses or, your insecurities against you and it goes very true to what Brene Brown, she's an author, storyteller, podcaster, speaker, she. She pretty much did all the work on vulnerability and she says, staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection. It's true. When you're vulnerable, you're able to then start trusting other people with information about yourself. And another quote from her is vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness. It's our greatest measure of courage. So, all of you who are attuned with yourself, put yourself out there, despite being afraid or doubt, any type of emotions that just make you feel like your stomach is turning upside down, you are courageous. You show us and my personification of courage was my little sister, actually. She taught me vulnerability because my sister has always been in touch with her feelings. Emotions, whether that was an outburst, whether it was just expression, whether that was hurt, rejection, humor, lightness, joy, Denia showed me all of that and she never Tone down her light for others. Like she was always that light for me. You probably could hear the emotions in my voice, but my sister had all of that. And maybe subconsciously I felt I needed to protect that because I don't want people to take that from her, something I don't do, or I choose not to do, or I feel it's hard to do. She does it with such ease. My sister is. Such an amazing person. She's so amazingly funny, nurturing, and caring. Honestly, it's a blessing to be within her presence. And I'm so happy I have her in my life because if she was not there, I don't think I would have learned what it meant to be soft and it feels okay. To cry and lean on others. She's the only one when I was younger that would see emotions from me. She's the only one at the time that actually knew what was going through my thoughts because I did not express myself. I didn't learn to advocate for myself well until my twenties and That wasn't until after I faced two heartbreaks from the first relationship I guys, I told you guys about that was four years long. And then my dad abandoning me and telling me I was disrespectful. I didn't start speaking out for myself until about that time. And my voice was very distorted through anger. Yes, that is, I guess, another story for another time, but that's vulnerability in itself when I started to let it out, but not in the most healthiest of ways, but so just coming back. So today, we're going to talk about why. Vulnerability is essential for meaningful connections, how to embrace emotional openness without feeling overly exposed. And we're going to discuss practical strategies for cultivating trust in relationships. So Homegirl, what is vulnerability? Tell me. Okay, so what does this actually mean in relationships? We always talk about being vulnerable. Is that just being soft? Is that just me boohooing everywhere? This is what Oxford says. It is the quality Or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harm, either physically or emotionally. Yeah. So if we put that in a relational context, you are in a state where you are consciously choosing to expose yourself, your flaws, insecurities, your doubts, your thoughts, all of that. To those around you and after you give them this ammo You're still giving them ammo despite the possibility that they could attack you or harm you with the ammo you have provided That's what that means. You telling your best friend, your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, whatever, that this big thing about you, that you're afraid that others will judge you and persecute you for, and you are hoping that they don't judge or persecute you. That is vulnerability right there in a nutshell. And some misconceptions about vulnerability is that vulnerability is a weakness. When in truth, we've just talked about it. It's a form of emotional courage. You know how much courage it takes to actually sit there and say the truth about something that's on your mind, the courage that it took you to get over your anxiety, to even talk about it. Let's be real that takes a lot from you and I'm super proud if you're already doing that and if you're not don't hurt yourself Don't bang yourself shame yourself. You're doing just fine. We're learning today You just may be a late bloomer like how I was also another myth being vulnerable means oversharing No, truth is, it's about intentional openness, not trauma dumping. I always bring this up with you guys because I feel it is imperative that we just bang that into our head. Do not trauma dump on others. And trauma dumping is sharing traumatic experiences with other in an appropriate. An inappropriate, just want to make sure you guys hear me inappropriate or overwhelming manner and not considering the impact on the listener, do not drop 10 years worth of trauma or whatever yesterday that you just went through on others without considering if they have the emotional capacity to hold space for you, or if they're even in the right mindset to even be there for you. If you are just dropping stuff like that, that's not being vulnerable. That's being traumatized. That's. Yeah, that's doesn't form deep connections. It forms. Actually, it's actually really difficult to Bond with people like that because it's such a violation on your boundaries on your heart It's an emotional attack in my opinion And I say that as a therapist, even though in, at work, I'm setting this boundary, this work professional that I'm here for the trauma. I'm here to be here for you to explore, to discuss, to state the facts, what went down your traumatic experience as a friend, just because you know, I have the training does not mean you go and you tell me about a traumatic incident that happened between you and your brother at the age of eight. While we're at dinner. What? That's inappropriate as All could be. I really wanted to say AF. So yes, do not do that. We are intentionable about our intentionable. What? Forgive me guys. We are intentional about our openness. We are intentional about what we're sharing about ourselves because it scares us. If I share this fact about me, will you persecute me? Will you leave me? Will you be disgusted by me or intentional? Vulnerability is needed in order for us to foster deeper emotional intimacy, trust, and connection in both romantic and platonic relationships. Emotional intimacy, just for those of you guys that need a little bit of understanding there, is pretty much close, trusting connections between people who share their thoughts and feelings. So feeling comfortable, understood, at ease, safe, and validated by your partner, friend, family, whoever, and sharing your hopes, fears. Your dreams, where you feel listened to, and that there is mutual respect and appreciation. So again, emotional intimacy is that close trust and connection between you and another person when you share your thoughts and your feelings. And those feelings, you feel real comfortable with that person. Like one of those people for me, I always talk about her all the time, it's my audieng, Jen. I feel at ease with her, I feel comfortable, I feel understood, and through our over a decade of friendship, I feel like there's really nothing she doesn't know about me to be quite honest at this point. Even down to when we share our experience with each other, we hold space and we, already are talking about the subject of trauma and abuse or hurt within our families and whatnot. And she is the only friend of mine that I have ever expressed a trauma to her about a certain incident outside of like my family members. I feel at ease with her. I feel safe and she always validates me. She holds me accountable. So don't think that she just go easy on me and just be like, yep. Yep. Yep You write all the time Shay. No, she hold me accountable. She do and vice versa But when you have that person, you know who I'm talking about and if you don't I hope that after this session you feel comfortable enough to at least try and start practicing vulnerability so you can form these deeper emotional connections with your friends or family or whoever you deem close. I really hope we could get there for you because friendships and sisterhood that you could have with these other people is It, there's no words for it. I guess that's why I'm having difficulties really expressing it because it's It's a relationship like no other and I'm just so thankful to have the few in my life that I've been able to share certain really hurtful things or just be open Or, even just things that I just thought were out of bound or crazy. I'm like, Oh my God, should I be thinking these ways? And it's like, no, it's okay to be desirable. It's okay to want pleasure. It's okay to discuss your sexual needs and all that other kind of stuff without feeling shamed. Even those kinds of conversations need vulnerability. So then I guess let's get into, I know there are some risks and there are some rewards of vulnerability. We mentioned that. I've been saying the fear of rejection and judgment. That is a challenge for being vulnerable. And it will always be in your thought. Not necessarily, maybe sometimes we even with the close ones, like you still have that fear, but not as much. But when you're first starting to share a bit about yourself with other people, that fear of rejection is pretty high in judgment. Like I said, we don't like to feel persecuted. We don't like to feel different, despite that we do have differences from other people. Everybody says, Oh, you want to be different. It's good to be different. But as soon as you start being different, people look at you crazy. Like you do that. Now, look, I have friends that do like silly things or whatnot. And yes, do I judge? Yeah. Is it meant to be hurtful? No, we laugh about it because you're going to still do you and I'm not going to love you any less for doing you at the end of the day. And our relationship should be able to express that. If you need it to be said verbally, by all means, I can say it. But typically most of my friendships, we don't have to, we just know it's a joke. We keep going. And then we're just like, girl, you're going to do what you want to do. And we know we love each other and we're going to keep doing. Keep hanging out and keep doing whatever. Another challenge for being vulnerable is our past experience because we have experienced hurt or betrayal. This makes it difficult to trust others with anything about ourselves because our past has shown us that people just can't be trusted. People just want to up, upstage you, the crab in a barrel. If I can't be good, you can't be good or deep portrayal. I definitely do have that with family members. 100 percent and unfortunately, our relationship will not be what maybe she hopes. It could be, I don't trust her, unfortunately. And that's just life. That past experience spoke a lot for me. And sometimes people say dang Shay, that was so long ago. You sure you can't forgive her? And I think it's different because we'll talk about this in another topic about forgiveness, but my version of forgiveness is not forgiveness for the other person. It's, I've forgiven myself for. Thinking I could deem her as a safe space to express myself. I forgive myself and give compassion because at the time that I thought I could just because of a label between us I could be open and that was probably one of the first times I was able to be open and it was a Horrible betrayal for me. And I was like, nah, we not doing that no more. Ixnay, Ixnay on that. I'm good. And even now that we're older, I still don't, I won't confide my deepest thoughts and dreams and hopes. Uncertainties and whatnot to that person and it is what it is. We just have to be okay with the way our relationship is. So I definitely get that past experience with her and betrayal makes it very difficult for us to be vulnerable because everybody always tells you that blood is thicker than water. God dang. If your family betray you, then you know, shoe who else can you really count on? Right? Same thing with friends if you count your friends as your family members, too. It makes it hard, but then we also have to trust that not everybody is like that. That's vulnerability. That's courage. And that's hard. And, you may struggle. Another challenge is that you may struggle with emotional regulations. Especially for us who were taught to toughen up. We're not used to being vulnerable, but also know if you're not used to being vulnerable with yourself, how are you going to be vulnerable with other people? How are you going to do that to a degree? Vulnerability cannot be done alone, but there has to be a sense of insight, some introspective work done here in order for you to be vulnerable with people, such as understanding why you were told to toughen up or what do showing emotions mean? What would sharing your thoughts mean to you? Those are the thoughts you need to be having and use that as a journal prompt too. What are the thoughts? What, how do I think people would treat me? What does it mean if I expose this truth about myself to other people? How, what does that mean about my narrative? Go back to that. Take some moment and some time to find that out about yourself. Because once you understand why you're afraid, not that it makes it any easier, but it sure enough, at least makes you feel more empowered because you now know yourself a little bit more and you can navigate a bit easier. So when you clarify yourself to your trusted circle, they will understand. They get it. Now they can connect and experience in a moment in time that you tend to experience whenever you are trying to feel vulnerable or you are resisting vulnerability. But the rewards, if we embrace invulnerability, like vulnerability, we increase trust and emotional safety with one another. Autumn, like I mentioned, if I can relate and understand that whenever we have conversations about XYZ, that you were experiencing this event from when you were 15, wow, it shows me a lot. That lets me know what version of you I'm encountering and how to help soothe her. If you are not able to soothe yourself in that moment, you're trusting me. Yes, this also strengthens your bonds and your friendships, your families, and your romantic relationships. Again, you're letting us see a side of you that you've held away. Do you know how honored people feel? Us healthy people. How we feel to be let in? That is a great honor. I mention it to most of my clients thank you for being vulnerable with me. Thank you for sharing that with me because just because I have the title as your therapist does not automatically entitle me to your vulnerability, to your authenticity. It doesn't entitle that you tell me everything about yourself. Not at all. We have to build that connection. I have to create this emotional safe space for you. I just went through this with my client yesterday, and I was so proud of her for, for opening up to me. And, oh my goodness, I'm just saying she was afraid that I would persecute and judge her, feeling of shame around her, and even at the end of all that, I still thanked her for sharing and let her know, girl, I would never. Judge you, you're here, you're here for healing and to be quite honest, don't feel ashamed. It's the best your version of yourself could do at the time. I'm just proud that you actually felt okay telling me. That took a lot of courage for her. I'm so proud of her. So again, this also enhances our communication and again, again, why I keep saying again and authenticity. When you're able to embrace vulnerability, you empower your words. You, because you know how you feel, you'll know your thoughts, and you'll be able to clearly communicate that with others. And others start to really understand who you truly are. Vulnerability is so amazing, isn't it? But Shay, for those of us that were taught to toughen up, I don't know, this thing is scary. What do I got to do to be more comfortable with it? Start small. I never tell you guys to just jump into the ocean and swim. If you can't swim, that's crazy. No, you got to learn baby steps. Let's put our feet in the water. Let's actually get used to the feeling of the sea. Start small. We're going to share our feelings in low stake situations first. So like with a trusted friend, take the time to tell them something that's been on your mind. Whether that's about another friend, whether that's about a situation at work, whether that's about a mini test. Doubt or you felt insecure about your friendship with that friend and it was just rooted in intimidation because of X, Y, Z that happened to you in the past. Yes. Low stakes situations. And they're low stakes because this is already a person you deemed trustworthy. You are not going out of your way. I'm not telling you to go make a new friend and then go ahead and start telling them everything that day. No, start small. You already have trusted friends. Start with them. We're gonna recognize safe spaces. Remember earlier I mentioned that. We have to identify emotionally safe people who respect your openness. We have to be able to identify a person who is not going to shame us or judge us or Persecute us, violate us, invalidate us in any type of way emotionally when we are trying to be open. It takes time. Because I am for one do not believe everybody is meant to be a safe space for you Everybody is not meant to be your emotional safe space. You need to hold discernment It needs to feel right and when you come out of those conversations with those friends or family members that you come out feeling Okay, I'm not saying every conversation will be the best but you don't come out feeling more shamed Or guilty about who you are as a person, when you are open, opening up. So recognize safe spaces, then we're going to communicate our boundaries. Y'all know, we talked about this a few sessions ago, and we're always going to come back to boundaries. It comes up and I feel like every one of our sessions, because it is just that important. Vulnerability is not about sharing everything with everyone. It's about sharing wisely. Just because I trust you does not mean you can disrespect me. Again, that's why we have these boundaries. Just because I trust you does not mean you can disrespect me. Vulnerability isn't about respect. We just said in the last point that we need to identify safe people who respect our openness. So share wisely. We ain't got to share everything. Next is self compassion. Be kind to yourself when you're practicing vulnerability. It takes time to unlearn old patterns. It's gonna take time for us to rewire that inner critic in your head that keeps telling you that you're not enough, you're just weird, you're different, that stupid, da da, da, da. It's gonna take time to rewire those so that you start telling yourself. It's okay. I'm learning to be better. I didn't know what I know now. I didn't have the tools I needed to succeed like I do now. That version of me was doing the best with what she had. That was how she knew how to do things and I'm just here to do better. I thank her for getting me this far. Self compassion, my loves. So I'm going to talk about practical ways and how fostering vulnerability in relationships can look like. And I'm always talking about this in my couples therapy. So we're going to start with romantic relationships. And honestly, this could be used in platonic relationships to use your, I feel statements instead of bottling up your emotions. Use the I feel statements. You're going to focus on your own emotions. Without blaming the other person. What? Yep. That's what you're going to do. You're going to focus on your own emotions without blaming the other person. You're going to describe the situation and use clear emotion words, such as I feel frustrated when you are late. That is a feel of emotion. That is your feelings. And the situation, the person is late. I feel sad when you cancel plans last minute. I feel excited when you surprise me with thoughtful gifts. I feel, I'm feeling excited. And then when you surprise me, the situation of being surprised with thoughtful gifts makes me feel excited. We are telling our partners, probably our friends too, how certain situations invoke certain emotions from us. We got to start there that's vulnerable because you are actually telling them something about you. You're telling them about these feelings that occur when certain things are happening. We're letting them in to understanding how we process things and how we work, how the gears in our head turn. We're telling them blueprints about ourselves when we tell them what we're feeling when certain situations come up for us. Don't follow up, and don't think you're giving the blueprints to an enemy. Everybody's not an enemy and not everybody's out to get you. You want to be open about your fears and your insecurities. We got to be. That's part of it. It's part of the vulnerability part. Be open about your fears and insecurities with your partner. This is how you're going to build trust. And if you can't trust them with your fears or your insecurities, why are you with them? Those are some real questions there. Why are we here? What are we doing if I can't even tell you how I feel if I have used these I feel Statements and we've been together and you've been dismissive You've been deflecting You've been taking my words at a calm Context despite me clearly stating how I feel then maybe we're not meant to be together And that's okay. That's a vulnerable thought to have and to even come up with that conclusion. So good on you for even having that conversation, whether, with yourself, with friends or with others. In friendships, the way we foster vulnerability is through shared personal experiences. You know, when you and your girlfriends get together and you're all sitting around the table or even on the couch or whatever, just talking about things, whether that's about from high school or how your parents used to raise you or that. their rules or how did, the friendship circles or the clicks you were in we're sharing things about ourselves, just personal experiences and not just surface level updates. Like me and my friends, I don't know how we got this in common, but we found that we kind of had a shared experience in high school as we weren't. The quote unquote, normal or stereotypical black girls. We weren't always into hip hop. We wasn't into all the different trends that were going in. Well, that were there. It just, I don't know. We just didn't really fit in with them. I had one friend that was around like the Gothic emo rock people, like I just personally floated wherever, but I was mostly around the Asian crew. It's like mean girls. Like you have your hot Asians and your nerdy Asians, whatever it's so silly, but that's who I felt most comfortable around. And then my other friend was like around the band people and the emo people. Like we just was everywhere, but where all the black people congregated and we share that experience with each other about. How that made us feel, or why did we feel other groups of people were more safe than what family told us should be safe. People that look like us. That's a, that's not a surface level, conversation. That's actually a deep emotional conversation because with that we go into our insecurities or about harmful or hurtful situations we've been in. We create a space for deep conversation without judgment. That's how you'll foster vulnerability in your friendships in a professional setting or social setting whatnot people that we don't know We're getting to know you still want to be your authentic self show authenticity while maintaining professional boundaries These boundaries professional boundaries. They keep work and personal separate You do want to protect yourself because remember vulnerability does not mean over sharing That's not what we're going to do up in here. That's going to be the first way to get your behind fired. You want to protect yourself because not everybody needs to know everything about you in certain places in your life, certain eras of your life. You can't just be out here telling about your most deepest thing that happened to you and your friend or your daughter or whatnot, and expose that. That's absurd. It's. Again, traumatic, do not trauma bond, do not overshare that does not make you an open person. That just makes you a person with no boundaries. And if you don't have boundaries and you're out here disrespecting your own emotional, like your own boundaries, again, if you don't have no boundaries and you're disrespecting yourself and your self worth or whatnot, how can I build? A bond with you. How can I build closeness with you and be vulnerable with you? Because if you can't respect your own boundaries, you definitely not going to respect mine. How can I trust my information with you when you are out here, just throwing everything under the sun and the moon about you at me. As a stranger, we are not really much to each other. So keep it professional, keep it separate. You want to lead with empathy and openness to encourage trust. I can be empathetic. You can be empathetic to things people are going through. Like I heard you're going through it, but your mom, she's in the hospital. I'm sorry to hear that. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Boom. You are starting to lead with. Hey, trust me that you could come to me and talk to me about that. That's a hard thing. Or even if Oh, wow. I understand that I too had my mother in the hospital and it was such a scary experience. I can only imagine how it is for you. Cause it was so hard for me. That opens up to talk about certain things, or even if it's in the workplace and you're just like, I'm afraid that I don't know how to lead. I get that. I too had a project on my hand that I didn't think I could do, come talk to me. I would love to share this experience with you and how I can help you to better yourself in the workplace. Lead with empathy and openness to encourage trust it will come it will follow. I was not the most Open book as a supervisor myself. You definitely had to earn my vulnerability in a sense Earn certain information about me, but I was open enough to the point where others trusted me in the work that I did Trusted that I was going to get the job done, trusted that if they came to me, I was going to find a solution that I could have empathy for what they were going through and the struggles because I too was going through it and I'm here to help and be a mentor. That is me keeping my personal boundaries. Not a lot of people at that time, though I worked with them for almost six years could tell you super personal things about me, but they can see. Through me being just being myself, my work ethics, character traits, whenever time we've had moments when we were doing gifts exchange or laughing or our music preferences, those things I can, we can let people in through a window. They don't all have to be invited through the door. So how are we feeling? I hope that this was. I hope it was very helpful. I hope you feel that, man, vulnerability is not what I thought it was. It actually is helpful. This is scary as all can be. Maybe we're not super, we're not feeling super excited about doing it, but we understand that the pros outweigh the cons. We are meant to connect. We're meant to build with others. We're meant to be with other people and vulnerability is going to get you there. It's going to make it more realistic, more tangible. We all have fears. We all have fears of rejection. We all have fears of disappointment, but we have to allow ourselves to ask for help. Connection cannot be done alone. So again, vulnerability is a strength and not a weakness. And I challenge you guys for the next two weeks until our next session, what's one way you can embrace vulnerability? This week and the next what's one way you can embrace vulnerability take some time and write that down If you're driving, keep driving and park, and then write that down. What's one way you can embrace vulnerability this week? Thank you guys. I am so happy to have you guys here once again. So definitely share your thoughts with me in the comments, leave a review on my podcast. What is going on with these accents? But share your thoughts about my podcast, share reviews, share them with your loved ones, your besties, invite them to the table. We're all here to sip and shift with each other. Okay. I want that with you guys. I want us to get closer. I want us to start really interacting a little bit more and share your stories. Let's get into it. Let's be vulnerable with each other. If your goal is to embrace vulnerability by reaching out to me, your best friend, your spouse, whatever that may be. Go for it. I'm here for it, guys. So again, share your thoughts with me in the reviews, the comments, or message me on YouTube, IG, email me at shifthappenswithshea at gmail. com. Always here for it. If you guys are just listening for the first time, thank you for coming on this ride. I hope you enjoyed it. I definitely want to hear from you just, stay. Stay a while. We're having fun here. But if you need more self growth conversations, please listen to more of the episodes that we have just done. We are just, like I mentioned, in just starting this series of embracing change and empowering ourselves. So if you are just hopping on, please listen to the last episode about rewriting your narrative. And letting go of limiting beliefs. I think you will find it very helpful as we continue this self growth journey with each other and this transformation because that's what we're here to do. We shift together. Life is full of shift. But we're going to be fine. We're going to get through it. We thrive through what we go through. All right. So again, guys, follow me on Instagram at Shift Happens with Shea, YouTube with the same name at Shift Happens with Shea, listen over there, LinkedIn. You can find me as Shantanique Moore King. I am okay and happy to definitely connect with you guys on a professional level, if you are seeking help. And I'm also on TikTok too. I'm kind of building that up, but my main focus is Instagram, YouTube, and LinkedIn. But I'll try to keep going on with tick tock if that's where you guys are at but please check those out for more insights. I am definitely moving towards wanting to build my youtube channel a bit more I think that will be fun to do with you guys just as I build vulnerability. This helps me practice vulnerability just doing podcasts like Just doing this podcast alone, just telling you guys about what I've gone through in my childhood just in my life with my own family dynamics or friends or relationship, this is very vulnerable for me and. Thank you for everybody who supports me and encourages me to continue doing this work. I can't wait to see you guys. I'm working on it. I know Shay, you said you're gonna do a video podcast. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I promise. I promise. I just need to get it all set up. Maybe we'll see at the end of March, but for sure April, we're gonna get it together. We're gonna get this poppin. We're gonna see each other, okay? All right, guys. I love you. Have a beautiful week.