Trauma Talks : With Russ Tellup

If You Were Born Enough, What Changed?

• rtellup • Season 2

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 25:44

A simple sentence—“you are enough exactly as you are”—can set off a storm in the body. Shoulders tighten, thoughts race, or everything goes numb. We walk through why that happens and how to work with it, not against it, by understanding trauma responses as protective strategies your nervous system learned to survive. Instead of blaming yourself for procrastinating, dissociating, or snapping, you’ll learn to see those moves as parts doing their best: managers that push and perfect, firefighters that douse pain with intensity or distraction, and exiles that carry old fear and shame.

I share a personal story of early injury that shaped years of dissociation and mislabels, then unpack how Internal Family Systems helps us meet protectors with compassion. We explore the biology behind cortisol, adrenaline, and hypervigilance, and why the brain prioritizes survival over happiness. You’ll hear clear prompts to map your own parts: what they protect you from, when they learned their jobs, and what they fear would happen if they stopped for even a minute. This isn’t about thinking your way out; it’s about feeling your way through with informed, steady attention.

Stay with me for a step-by-step guided visualization you can use anytime you’re triggered. We imagine the protector that appears when you hear “you are enough,” thank it for years of service, update it on your current capacity, and invite it to rest in a place that feels safe. We also tackle common self-sabotaging “I” statements—like “I should be further along” and “I shouldn’t need help”—and show how shifting language softens the system. By the end, you’ll have a practical, repeatable tool to reduce reactivity, increase choice, and rebuild a baseline of safety from the inside out.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs gentleness today, and leave a review with one insight you’re taking forward—what part are you ready to thank?

SPEAKER_01:

Hello and welcome to Copy Talks Live. My name is Russ Tellip. I am your host. I am also the host of excuse me, the host of Trauma Talks Live. Um both of those can be found under Trauma Talks Live on YouTube. We stream these live. So if you guys are interested in jumping on with me, if you have any questions or any anything to add to the conversation, um I'd love to have you on and uh introduce you and and hear what you have to say. I just ask that you send me a private message on Facebook, or you can put it directly into the comment section on the live video on Facebook under my primary profile. Uh, if you're viewing this in one of my healing groups, such as the Colorado Springs Mental Well-being club uh or the men's trauma unlocking group, uh, I cannot see those chats, unfortunately. I only have so much screen real estate. So uh if you don't mind just shooting me a private message by clicking on my name and sending me that message, I will receive it that way. Uh if you're on YouTube, you should be able to put things directly into those comments, ask questions or or join live. If you are interested in joining live, uh you can throw that information into the chat, and I will just one second here, and I will uh send you a link. So, this podcast or this blog, I guess, was what you would call it. The podcast is Trauma Talks Live. In Trauma Talks Live, we talk about uh the effects of trauma on the nervous system, um, how to leverage that that knowledge uh to better understand why we feel the way we feel. Understanding your trauma responses and treating them with compassion. Give me one second. Uh treating them with compassion is the first step. It's really the first step to healing is understanding why you feel the way you feel. Now, you can't think your way out of it, obviously, right? You have to feel your way through trauma, but it's the first step to understanding the trauma. And understanding the trauma is really powerful. Understanding that the things that are happening inside your nervous system are happening because something happened, right? The trauma, though, is not what happened to you. The trauma is the way that your body feels as a result. And if we get stuck in those trauma responses, we can start pumping out these adrenaline-based or adrenal uh uh hormones, stuff like cortisol, adrenaline, all these things coursing through our veins to help us fight off the threat or to shut us down. Um, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. My computer is trying to restart. Let me stop that. All right. Um, it has nothing to do with you. It's it's the way that your body learned to survive. So here's the great part about this. The trauma responses that live within you belong to you, right? And as such, you are the only one that can make changes. You're the only one that can affect change within your life. No one else has the power to change the way you feel inside, right? However, that also means that those people that are abusive or toxic in your life also have zero power over the way you feel because you are responsible for the way you feel. The trauma was yours to deal with, right? The behavior, the abuse 100% belongs to them. Your response belongs to you. And I don't say that to be mean or to be uh what's the word I'm looking for? I don't say it to be dismissive of whatever happened to you because what happened to you was terrible. But it's ultimately we are the only ones that can heal it. We can't depend on anyone else to heal it for us. So, with that in mind, I wanted to explain a concept to you guys um called internal family systems. So, this is a uh a modality that, well, let's get into it. So, before we get into it, I just want you to know that you don't need to answer anything. We're not looking for answers in today's episode. I just notice as I ask these questions of you, notice what happens inside, and and and as you hear these questions and how it affects you physically. I I that's the really the most important part here. And here's the first question, and it's it's an important one. When I look look at you and I say to you, what part of you feels most uncomfortable when I tell you that you are enough exactly the way you are, and you always have been. And as that truth sits on you, do you feel it as truth? Some of you that you might feel some discomfort show up in your body, tightness in your chest, your jaw, your shoulders drawing up against your ears. And for others, it might sound like a voice that says, That can't be true. I still have a lot more work to do. And for some, it might feel like nothing at all, just numbness or blink, shutdown. I mean, if you're feeling resistance, nothing's wrong with you. That resistance usually belongs to a part of you that learned at some point that being enough wasn't safe. So a part of you has made the decision that it needs to protect you from feeling like you're not enough. So when someone says you're enough, it triggers that part of you that is trying to protect you from not being enough. Now, when I use the word parts, here's what I mean. In a model called uh internal family systems, we understand that every human being has different parts inside of them, not multiple personalities. I want to be clear. So when you're talking about these firefighter and manager parts within our nervous system, we are not talking about multiple personality disorder. We're not talking about that at all, just different aspects of the same nervous system that learn different ways to survive. And these are parts that protect you by pushing, fixing, staying busy, staying alert or staying numb. And after there are younger, excuse me, there are often there are younger parts inside that carry fear or shame or pain from earlier experiences. None of these parts are bad. None of these parts are trying to cause you harm. Every one of them formed for a reason. Every one of them was created to protect you from something. So when I ask you what part feels uncomfortable with that, with the idea that you are enough, you're not asked, I'm not asking you to judge it or get rid of it. I'm I'm simply inviting you to notice it. That's right. Deepening the reflection. See if you can gently ask yourself what what has this apartment protecting me from? I have a procrastination part that protects me from failure by not allowing me to complete tasks. Because if I don't finish, I can't mess up. If you just join the chat, or I'm sorry, if you just join the live video, thank you. Welcome. Feel free to drop any questions or comments into the comment section on whatever platform you're on, and I'll answer. Next question you can ask yourself is when when did it learn that rest, ease, or self-expect acceptance was dangerous? When did it learn that safety wasn't safe? When did it learn that hypervigilance was the way to stay alive? And what does it believe would happen if it stopped pushing? Even for a minute.

SPEAKER_00:

Just let that rest on your nervous system and think about it.

SPEAKER_01:

If a part of you resists the idea that you're enough, that part probably kept you alive. It's learning its job. Or it learned its job during a time when you needed it. You don't need to fight it. You don't need to convince it of anything, you don't need to heal it tonight or today. Sometimes the most regulating thing we can do is simply acknowledging how hard a part has been working. No matter how destructive it may feel like it has been in your life, its ultimate goal is to help to protect you from something. So I want you to imagine a baby. You can even use baby Russ behind me. Imagine a baby is born, and that baby comes into the world as a blank slate, a nervous system ready to learn, a nervous system ready to experience life. And then something happens, and it could be simply that baby crying and not being picked up. It can be an interaction with a parent or another family member, it can be anything, but it's something that is damaging to the nervous system, it's something that teaches the nervous system that it's not safe. So when the nervous system begins to feel unsafe, it does what it can to protect itself. And what it can do is create a part, a manager part. And that part lives in the body and creates situations or thoughts that protect you from whatever wound that inner child has experienced. So say, well, let's go with mine. I'll give you an experience of mine and we can talk through this whole situation. So when I was three days old, I was brought home from the hospital and I was sitting on the couch next to my father. Most of you probably already heard this story if you followed me for any length of time. Um sitting on the couch next to my father. Uh, I don't know what he was doing, that he was probably cleaning a camera or reading a book or writing something down, something like that. But I was sitting on the couch right next to him and I started crying. Um, I was three days old. It could have been a dirty diaper, it could have been hungry, I could have just needed to be held and been reassured that things were safe. And I started crying, and my father picked me up by my feet, held me upside down, and spanked me to get me to stop crying. Three days old, three days, a newborn baby. I was immediately silent. So, what did that do to my nervous system? Now my nervous system fractures at three days old, and I fracture off a portion, a portion, a part, a manager part that is now going to protect Russ from being hurt, right? Russ just learned at three days old that he's not safe, and that his cries for safety were met with violence. So when that happened, it creates a part of Russ. So now I've got a part of Russ floating out here that dissociates Russ. Rust can't live in the moment because the moment's not safe. So Russ is constantly dissociated. And then teachers and parents and grandparents and everyone else says Russ has ADHD. Let's get him on medication, or Russ needs to be put into special education, or Russ needs to go to a hospital, or Russ needs whatever, right? Which just further strengthens that part's role, right? Because now, because of that part, it doesn't realize it, but because of that part, you you now where there's less safety in your life, right? But that part is trying so hard to protect you from that inner wound that you are not enough and that the world is not safe. All that part is trying to do. So, what we need to do is we need to look at that part with compassion rather than disregard or um, what's the word I'm looking for? Um disdain, right? That part is not trying to hurt you. That that part wants you to be safe and wants to distract you from the fact that it believes that you are not enough. So for this week, I will leave you this with this. What would it feel like to thank that part? That part that you feel like has been so destructive, that part that you feel like has not been serving you or is no longer serving you. What would it feel like to think that part instead of fighting that part? You don't have to fix anything right now. Noticing it is already a form of healing. What would it feel like to think that part? Show it gratitude and compassion instead of trying to force it down. And when I tell you again that you are enough exactly the way you are, how does that feel? Does it cause that part to try to dissociate you or distract you? Does it try to protect itself from pain? Does it draw the shoulders up to the ears to protect your neck? Does it force you to look down to be submissive? Does it create a tightness in your chest or an empty feeling or twisting feeling in your stomach? A lightness or tingling as if your legs are going to give out from underneath you. These are all that part doing its absolute best to keep you alive. Remember, the brain doesn't know the difference between danger and danger of death. If you're being triggered, your brain is thinking death, and it will do everything it can to keep you alive. The brain, the brain is evolved and designed to keep you alive, not to keep you happy, just to keep you safe. That's his job. Even with being connected and present with people, that is your brain's way of keeping you safe, of connecting with others. There are there is safety in numbers with human beings. So the next time you think about something and and it triggers you, and you feel one of those parts rearing up. For me, dissociation is a huge part, man. That part takes over, and I am in la la land for hours scrolling on your phone. That's a part of you. It's a part of you distracting you from the pain. The part of you that uh explodes at people when you feel like you're being threatened. That's a part of you. That's a part of you that's protecting you from not feeling like you are enough. But guess what? You were enough when you were born. No child was ever born not being enough. No bad person has ever been born. I'll repeat that. No bad person has ever been born. Hitler, when he was born, was not a bad person. When you were born, you are valuable, you are worthy, you are lovable, you are enough. It's through experiences in our lives that we begin to believe that that isn't true. And as we begin to believe that that isn't true, we start creating these parts to protect us from knowing or finding out or experiencing the feeling of us not being enough. And those parts, even though they are destructive, hurtful, or no longer serve you, their intention is good. So, what would it feel like to look at that part and say thank you? If you're not driving and you're somewhere safe to do so, I'd invite you to just close your eyes. Just gently close your eyes. And I just want you to imagine the part of you that pops up when I tell you that you are enough exactly the way you are. With your eyes closed, I want you to think about that part and allow it to come into mind, allow it to come into vision. Notice how that part looks. That part might look like you, it may look like you as a child, it may be someone completely different. It may not even be a person. I was working with a client who the the part that they were working with was a giant dark black cloud. But notice what they look like. Don't look, don't look at them with disdain. Don't look at them with fear because they're trying to help you, right? Just notice them with compassion and thank them. You can even say it out loud, thank you. Thank you for doing all that hard work. Thank you for working so hard for so many years to protect me. And then ask that part, do you know how old I am now? I'm 48. When I was three days old, I needed you. I needed your protection, I needed your help, and thank you so much for doing all that hard work. I really appreciate. I've got it now. I'm old enough, strong enough, smart enough to be able to do those things for myself. And then I want you to imagine a place that's super relaxing. Somewhere where that hardworking part that has been working for so many years can go rest. It could be a library, a beach, a park bench, a bedroom, wherever that is. Just invite that part to sit down and relax. Thanking it again for all the hard work.

SPEAKER_00:

That part did so much for you. But you've got it from here.

SPEAKER_01:

So just invite that part to relax. Invite that part to sit down, kick its feet up, and relax. Now I told you about a previous client that I worked with who saw their part as a dark cloud. As soon as they think that part and said that they've got it from here and that part can relax and rest, that dark cloud for them exploded into butterflies. Maybe not. Maybe your part just simply sits down. And you can sit with that part for a minute too if you want that part to feel a little more comfortable. But ultimately, you want to let that part know that you're thankful for all the work that it did. For all that hard work that it did for so many years and worked incredibly hard to keep you safe. And now that you've got it, they can rest. That part of you, you can open your eyes now if you want. That part of you worked really, really hard throughout your life to keep you safe. And it's okay for that part to rest now. I want to thank you guys for jumping on with me today. This went a little longer than I expected, about 25 minutes. Usually these coffee talks episodes are five to ten, but I went off on a few tangents. So I invite you guys to use this practice anytime you feel that dissociation or anger welling up inside of you. All these are parts of you protecting you. Now, these manager parts will do everything they can to keep you distracted from that pain, whatever that internal uh wound is, that inner child wound, it will do whatever it can to protect you from that. If it fails, your firefighter parts will come in. The firefighter parts are there too. Oh my God, inner child was just reminded that he is not enough. We've got to come in and take care of that. And that's where mania might come in, or alcohol abuse might come in, or drug abuse may come in, or um any kind of way of lashing out or destructive behavior, cutting, self-mutilation, you name it. But these are parts, even that self-mutilation part was trying to help you. It was trying to protect you from that pain. What you have to realize is that pain is a falsity. That pain isn't true, that pain doesn't exist. All right, guys, thanks so much. Use this, use this tool, use this practice that I just took you through. Close your eyes, view the part, think the part, allow the part to rest, allow the part to know that you've got it going forward. I invite you guys to do it regularly. It's a great practice. Anytime I find myself dissociated, I'll sit down, I'll close my eyes, I'll think about that part. I'll think that part. Oh, hey, Shane. Uh, eye statements. I know men deal with. Here is a list of eye statements for banded for easy copying. I must never make a mistake. Man, that's a big one, man. Uh I am a failure because I didn't get the promotion. That's a big one, too. I shouldn't need help with this. How many of you guys have felt like you didn't shouldn't need help with something that you're working with? Uh I should be further along in my life by now. That's a huge one. I'm too old to start something new. Man, Shane, these are fantastic, brother. Thank you for for sharing these big ones that Shane has identified all of the time. I am not enough. I don't matter. When these come up, it's when I feel what you are talking about. I bring truth to these and get freedom from the negative self-worth. Good morning, Kevin. Good to see you, man. Um, that's a good one. That's good, Shane. Thank you for sharing that. Um, that's exactly true, man. Just feeling it, feeling it, allowing yourself to feel it, allowing yourself to realize why you're feeling it. That's the most important part. Um, I want to thank everybody for jumping on. I'm gonna just double check the chat on YouTube as well. It looks like we're clear there. Uh, thanks so much for joining me, guys. This has been a really good one. I this is again, it went a little longer than expected, but thank you so much. If you didn't get a chance to watch the whole thing, I would highly recommend going back and watching the entire thing. That would be fantastic. Um, you'd get a lot more out of it if you were to do that. If you joined us in the middle, I you know, just go back and watch it. It's really, really good. Um, I will be going live on Friday at noon. Let me double check that calendar. Yeah, Friday at noon, I will be going live. If you guys want to jump on with me, I would love it. I would love it if you could jump on and interact, talk, chat, whatever you want to do. Shane, I apologize. I didn't see your your your excuse me, your comments earlier. It was about seven minutes ago, and there's also a delay. So um, thanks for jumping on, guys. We'll talk to you soon. See you next time. Take care.