Some Friendships Don’t End… They Expire (What About Your Friends)

Some friendships don’t end… they expire.

In this episode of 50ish & Fab, KC Sonshine sits down with her longtime friend Sy for a funny, honest, and unfiltered conversation about friendships after 50, midlife relationships, and what really changes in this season of life.

From ride-or-die friendships to shifting priorities, they get real about what it takes to stay connected while navigating family, career, faith, menopause, stress, and life after 50.

This is a conversation about:

• Loyalty vs. alignment
• Setting boundaries without guilt
• Outgrowing people you once needed
• Knowing when to hold on—and when to let go

With humor, heart, and a little nod to TLC’s What About Your Friends, KC and Sy unpack women’s friendships, emotional support, trust, and evolving relationships in midlife.

If you’ve ever wondered:
👉 Who’s really for me in this season?

…this episode will meet you right where you are.

Expect real talk, laughter, and grown-woman wisdom for women who want healthier friendships, stronger boundaries, and deeper connection after 50.

Because friendship in midlife hits different—
and the real ones? They show up differently too.

Aging gracefully is cute…
but thriving after fifty? That’s FABULOUS.

If this episode spoke to you, don’t keep it to yourself—send it to another grown woman who needs it.

👉  Follow, rate, and review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and your favorite podcast platform so you never miss a conversation that reminds you who you are—and who you’re still becoming. 

Because around here…we’re not winding down, we’re leveling up.

Aging gracefully is cute… but thriving after fifty? That’s FABULOUS.

 📩 Business, media, and sponsorship inquiries: [real50ish@gmail.com]

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Don't care what they say it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 0:04

What up, my pigs? It's your girl KC Sunshine. Let's chop it up, sisterhood style about navigating your 50s with flavor and flair. This is your quintessential guide to slaying your 50s like a queen. Welcome to 50-ish and fab, the hot flash report.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

I don't care what they say. It's between me and you, and it's true.

unknown 0:27

Yeah, I don't care what they say.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Welcome to another episode of 50-ish and flab, the hot flash report. It's your girl, Casey Sunshine, and it's a beautiful day in Brooklyn, New York, downtown. Thank you to Brick, who houses um this amazing studio for uh community podcasters like myself and others, including my fabulous producer, Roger Turner, one half of the dynamic duo of Brunch, Blaze, and Babbel, and giving them a shout-out for their podcast, who are also uh part of this beautiful Brooke family. So today I am so honored to have a long time friend of mine. When I say like um long time, I'm talking about like if I was Mariah and he was ODB, we'd be like babies in pacifier.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

And in the wrong key.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

And that is one of the many reasons I love my fabulous guest host today, Silockland. Come on, put your hands together. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

It's so great to be here.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

And in the wrong key. Thank you so much for that. How should we kick it off today? First off, today's topic is in honor of uh TLC, one of their favorite and best-selling songs. What about your friends? Will they let you down? Will they be around? Yay. See, that's what what your friends do. They will hop in the background and jump on board with you. You understand what I'm saying? We right there together. And that's what friendship looks like is an example in my own personal life quickly is the other day I was with a male friend of mine, and I was like, um, he was like, Yeah, I can hold your bag because like I was tying up my sneakers. He's like, I can hold your bag as uh-uh, son. Can you hold my earrings? Anybody can hold a Gucci. Nah, son, can you hold my earrings when it's time to break out the Vaseline, put it on the face and earrings because me and her finna go at it. That's when you friends.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Oh, that kind of friend. I was talking about, thinking about, mm-hmm, and you say he's just a friend. Okay, I see where we're going with this. I'm here. I'm here for it. Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Well, now we're grown. We can go both ways. You ain't saying that I don't have them too. And as a matter of fact, a couple of them look like Bismarck.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

That could be a problem.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

I'm just saying I can go back with it if need be, okay? Okay. Okay, so what about your friends? We're gonna start with um now. You know, Oma, if you're and I appreciate you being a fan and listening to my show because I'm also a fan of your pal podcast, The Thirst.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

That's what friends do. When it was around, thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it. And you were on. I was a guest of The Thirst without the eye.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Okay? And it was all things. Tell us about The Thirst. Let's start there.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

It no longer exists, but it was your gay best friend conversations, the things you wanted to say but were afraid to say during the daytime. So we just let it all hang out.

SPEAKER_03 3:36

And they had me up on there letting it all hang out, too, baby. So I thank you for that uh platform. And I'm so happy to have you here today to uh talk about friends.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

I love it. It's been ooh, 17 years almost? 15?

SPEAKER_03 3:51

Yeah, something like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Double digits.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

That's rare. Yeah, it is rare. And it's especially rare in New York City. Because here, you know, like I rem one thing I recognize when I moved here very quickly is that we don't have something. Okay, please tell us. Give us a little bit about your background and tell us where you're from. So, you know, when I say something, they know how we relate.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

I'm gonna say deep battered and southern fried.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

All right, deep battered and southern fried. And that is how I like everything. Uh slightly more than smothered. If it ain't no smothered, I'm gonna need deep bathered and all that, okay. So that just means we got these southern roots in common.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

Southern roots, yes. We can curse you out with a smile.

SPEAKER_03 4:34

All day, every day.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

That is that's what we call grace. Cause we could uh toss it up. Okay, but I'm gonna start with my first segment, Tell the Truth, Shame the Devil. And this is well now if you are a fan of 50-ish, then you know that y'all remember when um was it Jerry Falwell? It was one of them Southern preachers. I have sinned against you. You remember he was on TV. I know y'all remember. No, it wasn't Jim Baker, because Jim Baker, no, no, no, no. It was somebody else who it was, because like it was a whole thing. Like he in today's society, he would be like the greatest meme ever. Got on TV crying rivers of tears and talking about how he had sinned against his big old congregation of millions. Anyway, whoever that preacher was, I'm coming in that same vein today that I have sinned against two people, two women in my life that really were a big impact to me, that I have sinned against by Jimmy Swagger. Jimmy Swaggard! I have sinned against you. You remember Jimmy Swaggard? You might be too young. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

That was either before my time or I was still a little baby.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

You was a baby. Okay. Well, I was grown enough to memory on TV, begging forgiveness. So I come to you all in the same spirit of Jimmy Swaggard. That there are two women in my life. One of them is my bestie, Tamika Williams Walker. Like, I'm giving whole governments today. That's how much I have sinned against these women because like they love me through all of my foolishness and like growing in. Like, I just really did not embrace them in the way that I should have. And now these many years, like, you know, it's not like it's tense between us or anything, but I recognize in ways that I could have been a better friend to them, especially when it came to who they decided to marry.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

You didn't approve.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

Um, okay, so my idea of marriage was always roses and fairies and unicorns, right? Like, it was gonna involve a ride through Central Park, uh, the Statue of Liberty. Um, it was gonna involve some elves and some whole lot of stuff. So so when Tamika was like, Yeah, so um I'm dating this dude who my daughter run track, his daughter run track. I didn't see no fairies and unicorns. I just seen a whole lot of sweating between the cherries.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

And not in a good way. But were you trying to impose your idea of marriage onto her?

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

On both of them. The next one is a dhamma. We worked at IBM together. Like, we went through 9-11 together. Like, if you work with somebody and you love somebody during 9-11, because we were at a call center in Charlotte, the IBM, like, I don't even remember what it was, but it was like remote. And like, we were like the first like group of virtual assistants. And it was like this big old call center, and she and I had worked together for years and we're very close. At the time, her partner, you know, like had, you know, they had whatever, whatever it was. I ain't even gonna put a business out there, but whatever they had. And I was just like, oh, you shouldn't marry him, and blah de blah blah. And then she decided to do a uh destination wedding at like Disney. And I was like, Well, you definitely shouldn't involve Mickey in this shit. How are you gonna get Mickey and Donnelly, you know, the kids involved? But I I I'm saying it jokingly, but I was so wrong because like when I say she loved that man until he drew his last breath, when I say that, you know, really it was a love story that had had a very tragic ending, and I have the utmost respect for these women. I haven't spoken to either of them in like a couple of years, not for any, you know, like particular reason. But I just want to send a personal shout out in my segment of Sh Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil, that I am so ashamed at the way I behaved badly with two amazing women that I have learned so much from and who are amazing mothers and now grandmothers and you know, widow, and just like I just thank God for the influence of them in my life. And I'm sorry, I should have been better. But here I am today, 17 years with somebody, you know, like side my side kick, you know, who are benefit who's benefiting from the grace of these women who suffered through the fuckery of my youth, you know, that you get the benefit of like grown woman me, so I apologize to y'all and I say, Hey, Sai.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

You are a mess. But I have a question. It's never too late you realize what you've done in the past. So are you gonna put your big girl panties on and make an effort to reconcile with them?

SPEAKER_03 9:13

You know, it's not to the place where like reconciliation has to occur because like has to occur because like there's no real distance between us. Like I could pick up the phone, but I have not really acknowledged to them fully their impact in my life. They're very open, and most people are about, you know, like how I influence them or, you know, their but when it comes to, you know, they may have a very quiet impact on my life and not realize it. So this is more about paying homage to um to the women that they are and why I am the woman that I am because of them. So there's no, you know, no space between us.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

I get it, but it also sounds as if they don't know how much they've influenced your life. So as the saying goes, when we lose celebrities, give them the flowers while they're alive.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Should we call Tamika? I'm gonna call Tamika after this.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

So do I smell a follow-up episode?

SPEAKER_03 10:11

I absolutely fell smell a follow-up episode. And I also uh might f smell some follow-up co-hosting because you be trying to pull it out of me. You trying to pull it out from the deepness. But you know, yeah, we will definitely follow up. Um, because I I love these women and respect them, and that will be my tell the truth, shame the devil for the day. Do you have anyone side that you might wanna?

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Moi? Of course not. I'm an angel. I mean, you can see my halo right here. But no, I honestly think I've been an overall good friend to my friends. I will say I'm bad at maintaining long distance friendships. So if something happens and space comes between us, the dynamics will change. So it won't be as buddy buddy, we're in contact every day, but no love is lost. So we can the next time we get together, it's like boom. For instance, I met a friend at a book signing randomly one day, like 2005. Just standing in line forever, started chit-chatting. We became pen pals, literally in the mail. It's pre-social media. Social media comes along, we reconnect, messages here and there. And then one day, I randomly end up in the city. Unexpected, like overnight trip. Okay, I'm here, I'll just reach out, say, hey, what's up, what's going on. And it was like, oh, okay, you're leaving tomorrow, what time? I'll come pick you up, take you to the airport. And it was like we had been childhood best friends and just hadn't seen each other over the summer. School was about to start, we just reconnected. But it had been 14 years. Wow. And I was just like, you don't run across friendships like that. But it really all comes down to the character and good nature of the people involved.

SPEAKER_03 11:52

It's true. And what I find most amazing about that story is that I don't think I've ever had a pen pal who wasn't in prison. You mean like all the stories. You mean like free people did that too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

And on good stationery.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

I'm impressed. 14 years, and they was free. That is all love. My standards too low, y'all. Science taught me to aim higher, like writing letters to people that's not in prison. Now put that on the list produce.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

But not now, because the postal service needs to go away. It's 75 cents to mail a letter. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

Not only that, how rude, right? Like, I don't know how the rest of the world, I have to be honest, I ain't even gonna get on on the post office, because that's the whole show. I want to go postal on the post office, so put that, put a pen in that. I ain't gonna go there. Today we're gonna talk about friendships and um the value of them. Well, let's talk about us. Would you like to talk about how we met?

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yes, but it's your show, so I'm gonna let you start.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

Okay, so I started with um I was working at a company. I will not mention names, but they were very good to me. That's actually the company that moved me from Virginia to New York on a corporate relocation, took good care of me, so kudos to them. So I came here and, you know, a couple years in, you know, I was like, hey, wow, like New York City, the glitzing glam, because we were in Dulles, you know, Virginia. Ain't nothing over there but the airport. So coming here was like a whole everything about it was a promotion, money, everything. But after a couple years, you know, I was sort of tired of it. So I was going out to have a surgery and I needed a temp to fill in for me. And that person, like I was going through the interviews, and then I came across Sai, and I was like, yes, this is what I need right here. I'm alive. I know when I go out, if I go out and they amputate something, I come back, my desk gonna be all right. I'm only gonna be out six, eight weeks, okay? I think I stretched out to like 12 or something, because you know, in carpet, you take all the time they give you.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

It was a solid three months, dude.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

It was a solid three months.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

It was a solid three months.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

So when I but I think I'm not I don't wanna misspeak, miss, I don't want to speak out of term, but I believe that in the interview I asked you if you wanted a full-time job. Did I?

SPEAKER_02 14:15

I can't remember. That was.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

I believe I asked in the interview, I was like, like, look, would you be interested in doing this job? Because like, I already had, I was looking at the front door. The company had been great to me, but I was looking for something else. And right after that, I left there and went to Burberry, which was like really everything up, uh a whole step up. When I decided to leave the company, the person that I called, I was like, yo, you want this gig full time? Because like I'm gonna eat on down the road and I know they would love to have you. So when Sa was like, yeah, I'm down. So I said to my boss, now this is how I started my mind, right? Because she was a bit of a drama queen. I was like, I have good news and bad news. Which one you want first? She said, I'll take the bad news. I said, I'm leaving. She was like, Oh. She said, What's the good news? I said, Sai's my replacement. She was like, Okay, well, we're gonna see you later. She was like, You need them bankers' boxes. How many you need? They helped walk me to the exit when I said he was coming back. So for the first time in my career, and literally, did you literally tell them how you just stepped right into the role? She was so happy to have them back. I didn't even exist anymore.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

We got along great. We get along great. We still keep in touch.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

You know, I got along great with her too, but I was just restless from the role. You know, I had just out outgrown it. But you're much younger than me. So, you know, like for you to step into it was perfect, and they were so happy. I was like, wow, I didn't think they was gonna give me the good boxes to go. I thought they was gonna be, we would, because we didn't have Amazon back then. You remember?

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Yeah, I think it was just books.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Yeah. No, but I was like, the good news, and the good news just outweighed the bad. They showed me the exit. I thought, I was like, well, how I couldn't feel like I got fired.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

But you know, this is very unique. I want to bring it back to what about your friend's song, just very quickly.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Because one of the things I learned from that song is that you can't ooh, what was it? You really have to like understand who your friends are. Not everyone you think is your friend is your friend.

SPEAKER_05 16:16

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

And my thing is a lot of people think that co-workers are their friends. Your co-workers are not your friends. Most of them are not your friends. Because, like in our case, I'll come back to that. In some cases, you really will have true friends, but you have to watch what you say, watch what you do, and know who you do both of those things around. It's true. It's even dangerous when you're doing the same job or going after the same job. But our case is a little bit different because we were never We never worked together. Right. We had like that re team relay thing going on. Yeah. You passed baton to me, I passed baton to you and back and forth.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

Yeah, no, we have we never had that.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

But yet we became good friends.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

We did, but that also, I think our our friendship also was born out of a mutual respect for the quality of our work.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Cause like if you were sad sack, boo-boo, we would not be here 17 years later. It was just the quality. Like, you know, when you have somebody and you trust somebody to leave you your livelihood. That's how we eat. I trust you with my livelihood. That says a whole lot. And you upheld it.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

And our communication was great.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

So it was like we didn't miss the beat. I didn't miss the beat from you, and I don't think you missed the beat from when I left.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

I ain't going after you. I was gone.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

No, but well, no. It's like when I came back, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you left. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Yeah, and I was like, you know, so glad because it was just an easy transition. So that's uh another that brings up another point. Everyone is not your friend. And I can say that in particular, one of my greatest friendship hurts came by way of someone that I worked with that we both worked with at this company.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Yeah. Um No names shall be called. And I ain't gonna say no. Well, I feel like I can. It's yeah. No, I ain't gonna do that. Just cause you know, you my guest. Anyway, this person violated. And all these years later, um, I never really recovered. And this would be somebody that just couldn't even You ever been to that place where like you just can't you just can't come back. You just can't, just let it live.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

Yes, because I'm the person where I have a lot of patience until I don't. And once we reach that point, like, okay, my patience are done, we're done. Or if the line is crossed, we're done. So once I get there, there's no coming back.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

And then what um what denotes that place for you? Because for me, I am all things leaver, right? Like I don't be wanting no confrontation, like, you know, I ain't calling you mama no names, none of that. It's just not gonna be that. I recover quickly. But when you just cannot admit, when you just gonna uh take your truth to the grave just and know you did wrong, then I just can't rock with you. I just can never recover from that. Tell the truth at some point in your life. Some point. Yes. Go ahead, Sad. Let's hear from you.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

I don't know what to say. I haven't been in any of those situations where I would call it tested to have to show up because if I say I'm going to be there and do something, I'm going to be there and do something. And I don't have a lot of friends because I focus on the quality and I don't like drama. So my close friends know that if I give you my time and attention, you already mean something to me. So they themselves know that how I treat people is your level of friendship with me. I'm gonna be nice to everybody, but everybody isn't coming in through the door.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

Okay, but you ain't never had to run up on nobody in the name of friendship.

unknown 19:33

No.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

There was one friend. Um, there were three of us. We were like three stooges, golden girls with a cheesecake. We were there. But one friend birthday friend had a birthday. I had just started a new job, other friend had a demanding job, dinner invite went out, we were all going to go, but I ended up having to work late. And when I realized this, I texted Birthday Friend, never got a response.

SPEAKER_05 19:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

So day or two later, I reached out to the third friend to see how the dinner went. Turns out, third friend had to work too, so didn't get to go. And apparently, birthday friend had cut us all off, like social media, blocked us, unfriended, all that trauma. Because apparently the restaurant charged for each person that did not show up.

SPEAKER_05 20:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

I'm like, okay, you should have communicated that with the invite, because there were people on the invite who said they were coming, but they were in other countries. So, you know, make that make sense to me. But birthday friend never said anything. So I we heard this through an external party. Okay. Birthday Friend has never said anything, has gone out of their way to cross the street, not see us coming, be shady, whatever. I'm like, just communicate, state what the issue is. But also, if the amount for the dinner was less than what you owe me, you should really just deduct that from the amount you owe me in Cold of S.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

That's just basic math. Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

And common sense. But you know, everybody don't have that. Okay. Fast forward almost 10 years, birthday friend somehow re-enters life of the third friend. So I'm looking at third friend like, okay, so what happened? And why do you that? Well, you're like, well, you know, I don't like confrontation. That's fine, but I'm a little bit petty and I need answers. So, like, if you have something, y'all can be friends. I'll be cordial. Right. So he ain't coming back in my life.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

So, but still, laughed in my face, Kiki, I still have no answers.

SPEAKER_03 21:22

This much later.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

This much later. And I can keep it professional too. Because I did have to reach out.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Sounds like birthday friend was mad at you for their own poor planning.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Right. Possibly. Have no idea. But I had to reach out to them for professional reasons. I'm like, they do really good work. So I'm like, okay, so send me information. I want to submit you as a potential candidate for this particular job. So I did my part.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Um I'd have to say that for me, for the most part, I've had a a really good, solid group of friends, and um I have had to like show up. So like myself. And uh one of my closest Ace Boons and uh Charlotte were both in abusive relationships at the same time. And so um she had her abusive partner, um, who now this is how naive and young I was, right? Because now, like, we've been girls at this point like 30 something years, and we still, like, I'm still sleeping on that couch. Like, we still holding each other's hair back if somebody gets drunk. That's how, like, that's how tight we still are to this very day. Like, our kids, grandkids, grown, all this, whatever. So when I first met her, she was, she's a all things Brooklyn Bed Star girl, right? So I'm all things Southern girl. So she comes down and she is um has this really cute little blonde, natural, and you know, like she's very professional, and we met each other like smoking Newports, right? That's how long ago that was. Oh, God, forgive me for that, Jesus. That whole era. I just think the Lord I ain't got black lungs from that whole period. So that's how we met. So um we were working at the uh Bank of America building, which is like a landmark in downtown Charlotte, beautiful building. And um she was like, Yeah, so I'm from Bed Styson. No, I'm from Bed Styson. And like we became friends from that. So um over the course of time, like you mentioned, like you don't really like let work friends in your life, even though we don't work for the same company, we worked in the same building. So she um introduced me to her partner. She was like, Um, Casey, this is Lee. Lee, this is KC. So Lee was like, what up, son? Like typical Brooklyn, you know, what up, dun, done? Like, grab me up now. What I didn't know until they invited me to their home was that Lee was a whole woman. I did not know. That was like my first like real trans uh trans opportunity, will you? Because like when I went to the house, I was like, oh, how Lee got titties. I was completely confused. So anyway, we became the best of friends and uh Lee was her abuser. I had my own. So we had a secret code that, like, if we call each other and say, you left, we left our shoes at each other's house, that means send the police. Right? And so, like these years later, now, you know, she married, got her uh new partner, a wife, like they just living their best life. So we've grown together, but she is someone that like, you know, we stroke straight had to ride or die for each other because we were in the trenches trenches together. And another, the flip side of that story with her is that as talented as she was, when she first came to North Carolina, she really had a difficult time getting work. And I said to her, I was like, you know, all due respect, you're gonna have to change your hair. She was like, what? I was like, ain't nobody geared to see in the dirty south gear to see your real talents beyond that little afro. And I kid you not. And she will tell you to this day, we've been friends again 30 years plus. Um she would tell you to this day, right here, when she permed her hair, is when she got a job. Now it wasn't no Crown Act back then or none of that. But that just goes to show you that, you know, follow it, you know, how far we think we've come and we sing and, you know, Martin Luther King ain't, you know, probably I'm sorry, Martin Luther. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I got a story if you let me tell it.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Yes, I'd love that.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

I have a good friend. We're still best friends to this day. And back in our younger days when we were, you know, navigating relationships, I got a call from him late, not too late, but late, later than he's used to calling me. Then I'm used to hearing a call from him. He calls me and he was like, I think this nigga is lying. And I was like, Okay, explain. So he goes on to explain that, you know, the person that he was dating at the time uh said they were gonna be in one place. Well, he said he was gonna be home, but his car wasn't in the parking lot.

SPEAKER_04 25:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

And I was like, How do you know his car is not in the parking lot? Because I'm sitting outside his parking lot. And I was like, Okay, well, you know that he's lying and you should just go home. He's like, No, I want to be here when the car gets here. And I was like, this doesn't sound like it's okay, friend. I want you to go home. And so he was like, I'm not gonna do nothing. I promise I just wanna be here when the car pulls up because I want to know that I'm right. And I was like, okay, well, then make sure you're not gonna do nothing. I'm gonna be on the phone with you until the car pulls up. And I tell you no lie, he and I were on the phone for four and a half hours in the middle of the night, making sure my friend did not go to jail.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Now that's a friendship story right there. See what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_01 26:50

But I want to know what happened.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

Did they show up ever?

SPEAKER_01 26:56

He did show up. He wanted to get out the car. I told him not to get out the car and confront him. You could just call him later. You know the truth, you know, call him later and let him get the list. So they did, he did not confront him, thank God, because it would not have gone well.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Didn't flick the lights either. Did he flick the lights?

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Nope, nothing, nothing. I said, do not do anything. Just pull off, go home, watch him get out the car, watch him go in the house, go home. And then, you know, he questioned about it later. He lied. He told him he was a liar. I know you're a liar because I was outside your house. Cool. And the relationship was over.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Now, at this day and age, that story would have been like, I got you on video. Soon to get inside. Text message. Oh. Where are you at?

SPEAKER_03 27:42

But you know, that's the problem with this technology because so um you all know that I am dating someone who sh he who shall remain nameless for now. Not saying no names, but anyway, they jumped on the i band wagon, right? Because you know, there's there's the Android universe and there's the i universe, and they don't talk to each other. You can have uh you're either on one side of the fence or the the other.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Exactly. I was about to say, what's an iBand?

SPEAKER_03 28:08

The i i world. I get the iPhone. iTunes, iPhones, all that, right?

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Android over here, but I got you now.

SPEAKER_03 28:14

Okay, so well, he just crossed over into this world because you know, his sons, everybody got iPhones, and like you can do like location. So yesterday he's playing with the new phone, he's like, Yeah, can I have you a location? I'm like, uh, I don't think we're there. Why you got to be knowing her when I be going and stuff? Now look, I ain't really going no. I ain't got no job. So why am I even like it's a thing?

SPEAKER_02 28:44

So it's a TMI or situationship.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

No, it's a relationship. It's full-blown.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

But is that TMI or should I not be tripping?

SPEAKER_01 28:53

I I can't really talk because I'm married. So my husband and I have we always share each other's location. Like that's just a thing. It's a safety issue. Um we, you know, want to make sure everybody's okay. We haven't heard from each other. Um we we are both worriers and we are both forgetful. So I may not remember to tell him I made it to this place uh on time. I may not have text instead of him sitting there worrying, he can just look at the location and he's like, oh, he made it, and that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

But that's different.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

Yes. So I don't I don't know what the threshold is that you non-married people. For non-married people of sharing because if you don't have any reason to um to if you don't share, I don't think it's important for you to share locations unless you are sharing life and accounts and residences.

SPEAKER_03 29:54

Where I'm at with it is look, you live near Philadelphia. If I'm locked up in a basement in Brooklyn, by the time you get, I'm gonna be sausage. What you gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 30:06

That's my parents. They're like, well, call me when you get home or call me when. Why? What you gonna do? You know nothing about this area I live in.

SPEAKER_04 30:15

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 30:16

So so what good is that to me?

SPEAKER_02 30:19

And I don't share location. Like nobody gets location unless it's like trip specific. Meaning it's an app that I can share it for the duration of the trip, or I share it, but I'm mental note to get to unshare it when I get to where I'm going.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

Well, what I will say is that um when it comes to dude, I'm willing. You know, I ain't finna fall out. It's a whole lot of stuff you can fall out. If he wants my location, he can get it.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

So is sharing location now the new um emergency contact?

SPEAKER_03 30:51

Yes, but we are that. That was the whole conversation.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Yeah, I I think, yeah, I I think if you trust someone enough to be m m your emergency contact, I trust them with having my location.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

I mean, it's not that I don't trust him with my location.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

I just Well, there is a trust issue because, you know, sharing your location can be also a sign of someone trying to control your movements. So there are people out there that want to know where you are all the time, and that if there's ever a place that you are where they don't understand why you're there, red flag is that person calling you saying, So why are you at such and such?

SPEAKER_03 31:31

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that bad? I'm on his location. All the time.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

But you don't want him to have yours all the time.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

I was I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about what I wanted on that side, but what I want to know where he is all the time. If he had his mama's house, if he's not by his brother's house, and his mom and brother live next door to each other, but I want to know which side of the house he's on.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Well, girl, what good what's good for the goose is good for the gander, honey. If he if you can have his, why can't he have yours?

SPEAKER_04 32:03

Cause that'd be a little problem.

SPEAKER_05 32:08

Just a little problem.

SPEAKER_03 32:11

Is that a problem? Uh uh.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

On his side, I see a little red flag flying. Yeah. I think he got a little red flag going on. Unless that's a new one. Unless that's a few.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

I'm just playing, leave lead leave the location on. I just playing.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

So, you know, relationship and friendships, that key component.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

And communication. Unless that's a sign of affection for him, for him, like you being concerned about his uh location.

SPEAKER_03 32:39

No, I'm c I'm I'm completely kidding about that because I'm indifferent. Like what I have learned in this 50-something, and that's the beauty of, you know, progressing in age, and I know you a millennial, so you, you know, have your own way of relating. I'll say that at this stage in my life, I um Who's a millennial?

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Sigh. Me.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

Sigh. I um I'm not willing to risk a good thing f by majoring in the minors. You understand what I'm saying? Right? Like, I'm just not going to, and I've done that my whole life, and it's a way of self-sabotage when you could really just let go and just be happy. You know what I mean? You could really just let go of like the the minor things that really keep you from really enjoying love and embracing it for what it is and all of its imperfection, right? Like, I'm standing around like doing push-ups waiting by first fight.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

You had me up to the calisthenic. But listen, a lot of what you said, I think, comes with age and wisdom. True. Because even I've noticed that as I've gotten older and like the friendships I had when I was younger and those that didn't last, you're like, oh wait, so we really weren't as close as I thought. And then, as that older Dodge says, friendships are like for reasons people come into your life for reason a seasonal lifetime. Yes, it's true. And in all those instances, there's something you can learn and take away from it. Even if it's just that, oh, that good friendship that I thought was solid was really just for entertainment purposes. I mean, I was bored someone to call or hang out with because they were always ready to go. Right. Or they always had drama going on, so I can call them for entertainment.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

It's true.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

But there was no solid value. Like I need them, they're not around.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

But you know what I think is even worse than that, and I have no idea where I am on time. I don't think it matters. But uh, what's even worse than that is trying to drag along people who shouldn't go. Dragging people into the next phase of your life that don't belong there. Because, like you said, reason, seasonal lifetime, I am the world's worst, like for dragging. Like, Jesus can come down on a sleigh and land in a hockey rink and have a sign around his neck saying, Casey, let them go. And I'll be like, Are you sure Jesus?

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Not asking Jesus if he's sure.

SPEAKER_04 35:05

Are you sure Jesus?

SPEAKER_02 35:10

Not all friendships can withstand personal growth. And you're a person who's always growing, always learning, always doing, trying something new, going for you. And some people get jealous.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Yeah, but I'm also the consummate people pleaser, right? You know, I suffer with that. Well, I did, you know, more so in my in my youth than I do today. Not so much now. I'm, you know, like I'm really just focused and I'm like just going for the gold. And, you know, I recognize that everybody ain't going for that because you can't be a dreamer and then associate yourself with dream killers. That's just not gonna work out. That's just like a bad combination from jump, right? So um I appreciate that you um say that you are limited in the number of friends that you have. I'm curious, does that encompass uh a layer or different levels of friendship, or you just got like your squad and that's it? Because like I feel like I have acquaintances, like I have different levels of friendships, different layers with different people.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

Yeah, I agree. But I also don't treat everyone the same. I don't either. Because I'm like, that's how friendships don't work. Everyone is different. Each of your friendships are going to be different. But no, yeah, like I was saying earlier, I believe, um, I have the layer. So there are people who you know what the nature and the purpose of the friendship is, where that value is. You know who to call for XYZ, you know who to call when. Like some people, we are friends, but we're not close, close. So it's not I don't need to see you every month. Right. But I may see you every five years, and we're good. There's no love loss. There are people who are your solid rocks that you see or talk to all the time. Like one of my best friends from college, I don't get to see her often, but we're either on the phone, DMing, video at least three times a week. But that's also someone either of us would drop everything for just to be there if we need to.

SPEAKER_04 36:55

Right.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

I feel like in some of my relationships and it's almost um geographic in nature that I find that the longer I lived on this side of the Mason Dixon, that the less I had in common with my girlfriends, my southern girlfriends. And I feel like um I can I honestly, and you all know that I proudly say that uh Brooklyn, Bedstain particular, is where I really found my identity. It's really where I became into the proud black woman because growing up in the South didn't teach me that. So to some degree, and I'm not saying that they're not all proud women, whatever color they are, but there was just a greater, greater sense of pride that came with living in a community that looked like me, which I had never done before. Um, so in addition to that, I also feel like, you know, studying abroad and, you know, like seeing the world and visiting different countries and making friendships with women from other cultures also gave me another perspective on my friendships. And when I came back, I realized some of them I had just outgrown. I got girlfriends who never gonna ever have a passport stamp. They just never. Their idea of uh an exotic vacation is Vegas, right? And it's double exotic if you can see like a Fantasia in Vegas, right? And I'm thinking to myself, like, I'm watching Formula One in Dubai. You understand what I'm saying? Like, I'm having dinner with shakes and like you know what I mean? So, like I get it. It it it the exposure just like took me to another place, and although I love them, I just don't really think we have anything in common anymore. And I walk with some guilt because does that make me better? What does that make me?

SPEAKER_02 38:29

It makes your horizon expand, if that makes sense. Your world has opened up and bloomed and allowed in more things you accept and embrace difference. Whereas their world may be more limited and also closed because it's an ecosystem in and of itself where it functions, I don't need anything else. Anything else outside of this is a danger. Right. Like I even go through this with well, I don't go through this with people I went to high school with because I don't keep in touch with most of them. But in essence, with my parents, they're like, oh, always don't talk to strangers. I'm like, I'm grown, I'm 21 with a few users of experience. My new best friend is a stranger I haven't met yet.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

You have to be open to embracing new things. Just have to be smart about it. And again, you learn that as you go along with the different friendships, you learn what works, you learn people's characters. And having being a thespian and studying theater. You get to watch people and learn about them what they do through their actions, through their words.

SPEAKER_01 39:33

So what I'm hearing is uh you you having uh to worry about perception um or how you your worldview um how your worldview impacts your friendships, and your side, you're talking a lot about managing friendships, the skill of actually managing a friendship, like knowing who your friends are, knowing how um what your friends' love languages are, or like how you're going to and also managing what you share with your friends. Sometimes we have to think about our friends as like their capacity. Like there's a like a little bowl of how much you're putting into their bowl. And sometimes when you have friends and you want to share things or you're trying to get things out, or you're venting, may not you may not want to go to the same friend because you've already filled their bowl. Maybe I should go to another friend, or maybe the last time I was with this friend, I was filling their bowl. Maybe I should let them fill my bowl.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

I ain't thought about no bowls. And that's that's probably selfish, but you know why I say that? I say that because I don't think that when you are a single person that people consider your bowl at all. I consider my girlfriend, my sister, all of the mothers, and like I consider their bowls just subconsciously, right? Just because their bowl's got other little baby bowls in it. But when you got a single bowl and it's just you, oh, people just feel your bowl all the way up. They don't give a who.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Is that, and I think in in my case, it may also be a sense of unreinforced boundaries, not necessarily poor boundaries, but you just like take it all in because you know how to handle it and get rid of it. Right. But then they just keep coming. Back to the song. Every now and then I get a little easy, I let a lot of people depend on me. But you have to stop that at some point.

SPEAKER_03 41:31

Yeah. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

And let them know, like, okay, this is what we're gonna do from here on. You also need to find somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

And as someone that is not a single friend, someone that is partnered. Um you know, being partnered and still being the same friend to my single friends, that that's work. And that's part of me being a good friend.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

But your bowl changed, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:58

My bowl changed, and I have to set up that boundary, but I also need to know that I can't also bring all of my relationship stuff to my friends all the time. Because once I've resolved my thing with my partner, I've had that time to resolve and forgiveness and go through this, and they haven't had that. So bringing that to my friends, you're not it's not fair to my partner.

unknown 42:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

So at the same time, I have to manage how I'm bringing things to my friends.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

That's wisdom.

SPEAKER_02 42:36

Wise words.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

So I would say that uh this is a great place for us to thank everyone, and uh thank you to my co-host that I promise I hope you all will be hearing again from Sai. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

Casey, thank you. I had such a great time. Lovely being here, and I'm always, always, always available for you.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

Well, good. I'm gonna hold you to that. And this is a great place for me to end the show with uh putting some Jesus on it, which today is Proverbs 1824, which says, A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Now, even though that scripture is in Proverbs, the friend that sticks closer than a brother is commonly known as Jesus, but we can be that same kind of friend closer than a brother to each other. So I share that and I send you all with that spirit of love and light and pray abundance and blessings and peace and joy upon each of you. Thank you for joining Fifty Shab. Please like, share, subscribe, and the God in me honors the God in you. Shalom.

unknown 43:47

Uh huh.