Episode #060 How to Write Your Next Chapter Your Way with Guest Raichelle Jordan

As we head towards the end of the year, it’s a great time to take stock.

And one question that’s been raised a lot in recent conversations is “How do you feel about retiring?”

Does it feel like your battery is running down? Are you starting to ask “Is that it?”

Or are you excited by the changes on your horizon, and already planning how to make the most of every moment?

Or are you already living it… on your terms?

I thought it would be great to take some time out from the festive countdown for a seasonal stocktake.

So I’m delighted to be joined for Episode 60 by holistic massage therapist Raichelle Jordan to talk about How to Write Your Next Chapter Your Way. 

Connect with Raichelle

https://www.midshiresholistics.com

https://www.midshiresholistics.com/ripple

https://www.facebook.com/raichelle.jordan

https://www.linkedin.com/in/raichelle-jordan-8825352b5/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling Midlife how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. Now, as we head towards the end of the year, it's a great time to take stock, to take some me time. And one question that's been raised a lot recently in conversations I've been having is how do you feel about retiring? Does it feel like your battery is running down and you're starting to ask, is this it? Or are you excited by the changes on the horizon and already planning how to make the most of every moment? Or are you living it and doing it your way? I thought it would be a great time to take some time out from the festive countdown and have a little end-of-year stop take in this episode. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Rachel Jordan, holistic massage therapist, to talk about how to write your next chapter your way. So welcome, Rachel. It's fabulous to have you here. Thank you, Kate. And joining me for episode 60. Woo woo woo!

SPEAKER_01: 1:53

How has that happened?

SPEAKER_00: 1:54

I know we just had the first birthday and Merry Christmas as well. Well, yes, it's all happening, it's all happening. Now, as I said in the beginning in the introduction, end of year. I mean, you're I know you're with me on New Year's resolutions. They're a pile of old rubbish, don't even go there. But in terms of taking stock, and especially over Christmas, I mean, I'm gonna be taking some time out. I'm thinking you know, a lot of people do, even if it's just the odd half an hour, and it is a good time, isn't it, to just start pondering not necessarily the meaning of life, but what do I want now? What how am I feeling now?

SPEAKER_01: 2:32

Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely. I have to say though, Christmas for me is always um uh it's always secondary. The most important day on the calendar for me, and a lot of people like me, is December the 21st. Once we get past the winter solstice, the evenings start to draw out. Yeah. And we're not trying to poo-pick fields in the pitch black with no.

SPEAKER_00: 3:04

But we will, for anyone that doesn't know picture, horses, we'll be talking a lot about horses, but uh yeah, uh early starts and um well I suppose the kind of whole farming calendar plays into it, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 3:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, uh thankfully, um where I am now, I only have to go up to uh to my horse once a day, which is sort of absolutely brilliant. But it is early starts in the freezing cold.

SPEAKER_00: 3:32

Oh, I I was a rowing mum for years, so I I know I know early starts, but it didn't involve poo's picking, strangely. No, sadly cold river banks in today.

SPEAKER_01: 3:44

Yeah, sad but true. But there we go. It's quite a good meditative occupation.

SPEAKER_00: 3:50

While you're picking up poo, that is a good now, not everyone's gonna be doing that, but no, it is good when you're out walking, whether it's with the dog on your own, it is a good time to take stock. And one point you made, it was a very poignant point when we were having our little pre-chat, and we've known each other for ages as well. Now, at our age, people we know are starting to fall away, and we don't, you know, literally friendships. We talk a lot about shifting friendships, but these are people are actually no longer in our lives.

SPEAKER_01: 4:19

No longer there, no longer there. In fact, in fact, my husband is going to a funeral tomorrow for uh a gentleman that we've um got to know over the years um through uh what my husband does, he's in the Mason, so it's one of his um Masonic friends. Um, and he was an older gentleman, so we're allowed to talk about it these days.

SPEAKER_00: 4:43

I thought it was all a bit I know. My great-grandfather was a Mason and my my grandmother had his aprons and everything, and it was amazing. But I always thought it was like oh, you mustn't talk about it's like a bike club, no complete rubbish, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01: 4:59

I mean they've got a website and everything, so you know anything you want to know go and have a look at the website. It's but they um you know they do a lot of uh charitable things and they have uh these things called ladies' nights, which are a dinner dance, effectively, but it's a really nice dinner dance, it's a really nice excuse to get dressed up in a posh frock and have a nice meal, you get to meet lots of people. Derek and I are very um we're a little bit unusual, I suppose, in some respects, because we like to meet different people. So if there's uh if we when we get invited to it to anything like that, if there's uh anybody who's new or you know uh uh a group that doesn't make up a whole table, we're more than happy to go and join them.

SPEAKER_00: 5:52

Oh, I'm I'm like that. Yeah, I like having new conversations with new people.

SPEAKER_01: 5:57

You just never know where it's it's that connection, it's all about connection, isn't it? Connecting and and you know, but it being welcoming.

SPEAKER_00: 6:06

No, I I think as well, because I've I'm very much I'm not one of those women through various life circumstances. I haven't I've got some girlfriends that mean my son's godmother, we've known each other since we were uh eight and we're at school, but a lot of my other friendships have shifted over the years. So I I'm not one of those women who and I sometimes I get a bit, I don't know if envious is the right word, who've had the same group of female friends from their uni days all the way through. I don't I don't have that, but I really mean I really do cherish the the midlife friendships that I've made.

SPEAKER_01: 6:44

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Um, you know, I've got a couple of friends that I was at school with, um, that I'm still friends with, but even those, you know, one of them I don't particularly see that often. Um, the other one, she's she's recently become a nana. She used to her name's Nina, and we always used to call her Nina Nana. And now now her her youngest daughter had a a little girl earlier in the year, so she's now become Nana Nina.

SPEAKER_00: 7:16

Oh my god, that's a mouthful, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 7:18

Nana Nina. And her other daughter, her older uh elder daughter, is um expecting a little boy um this uh in December, uh the end of December, beginning of January. So yeah, it's a really exciting time for her. So obviously, I don't see very much of her now either.

SPEAKER_00: 7:37

No, I'm the same. We've actually got a big school reunion coming up next year, and we know we're in touch, we see each other every now and again, but it's nice to know they're there. But one another thing I read the other day, we're talking about age, and you know, both of us are very open. I I don't believe in saying I'm 50 something, 60 something. It doesn't really matter, does it? But it was there has been a bit of a trend about saying, Oh, I'm 56 years young, and now it's good. I like the fact that there's the switch back to no, I'm 56 years old, if I'm gonna say, because oh, old is it's lived, it's a lived age, it's a live you've got 56 years of history.

SPEAKER_01: 8:16

I've got 64 years of history, and you know, when I when I look at myself in the mirror and think, oh my god, who is that person? What on earth have I achieved? And then think, well, in actual fact, when I look back on 64 years, which is a hell of a long time, it's actually a huge amount. When I left school, I didn't know what I wanted to do particularly. The um the opportunities in the 70s weren't really there.

SPEAKER_00: 8:49

It is amazing. I mean, we're going to be talking about changes in terms of retirement and perceptions of retirement, but as as you were saying before, the whole idea of when you left school, it was like, was it hairdresser or yeah, hairdresser or secretary or mum?

SPEAKER_01: 9:04

That that was about it, really. And I knew I didn't want to be any of those three. I wanted to be an engineer because I've got a very logical mind. And and a cowboy. Always wanted to be a cowboy, but we don't live in America and I didn't have horses. Well, we are going to be delving. It's really interesting. It's really interesting at the time in the 70s. People um there weren't there weren't the amount of places to ride horses, not there weren't the amount of people who owned horses that there have been in recent years. And for people like me, you know, we'd go and find horses wherever they were, you know, trekking centres. We'd go, we had a local riding school in our village. I used to come and my sister was there first. We used to go and muck out for rides and you know, uh slave labour, really.

SPEAKER_00: 10:01

And I think it is a love affair, isn't it? It is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 10:05

It really is. If you are bitten by the but if there is something calling you, because horses are really magical, they're such experts at reading energy. And if something connects you to the equine world, you can't you you can't walk away from it. It's not something you can go, oh, I can take or leave that. It it really is, and it kind of it really gets into your soul, really does. Um but yeah, so I knew at when I was at school and leaving school that I didn't want to get married and have children. I think nothing worse at the time.

SPEAKER_00: 10:51

The old conforming, following those signposts.

SPEAKER_01: 10:54

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 10:56

I've never been married, I'm still not married.

SPEAKER_01: 10:59

I was set up by my parents to never conform, wasn't I? And they called me bloody Mary, and then and then for right from when I was a tiny child, kept giving me that feedback, like Rachel Mary, quite contrary, but the whole time.

SPEAKER_00: 11:17

Well, they said that could be an alternative title to our episode, couldn't it? How to be contrary. It's how to be contrary. I say we're going to be sharing your top tips for rewriting our chapter later on, and we're going to be delving more into your story. But before we do, can we because anyone who's seen the graphics for our episode will go, hang on, you're calling her Rachel, not her. You're calling your guest Rachel. I wasn't sure how to pronounce it, or that's a really unusual pr pronunciation or spelling of spelling.

SPEAKER_01: 11:46

It's a really unusual spelling. I'll tell you the story.

SPEAKER_00: 11:50

Yeah, listeners. This epitomizes we're talking about how to write your chapter your way. This is why Rachel is the guest for this episode because it's how to do it your bloody way.

SPEAKER_01: 12:01

Yeah, absolutely. So my birth name is Rachel, but it's spelled R-A-C-H-E-L, as in the Bible. And when I was um 18, I was at catering college doing a hotel management course, and one of our lecturers at the time, uh, we were in uh cooking class and we were in the kitchens. I remember that very vividly. I can see what I was wearing at the time. I was wearing, you know, the white um overalls and pin and apron and you know, all of that stuff, striped out tea towel thing. And uh I can't quite remember his name, but anyway, um this lecturer one day, so my maiden name is whore, it's spelt h-o-a-r-e. It means very white, as in whore frost, like we had this morning. Um that's where my name comes from. And as you might imagine, that by the age of 18 in the 70s, I had heard absolutely every connotation that you could possibly think of of comment about my surname. And this college lecturer one day turned round and said, thinking he was very clever, were you sure that shouldn't be spelt with a W? Because that's the kind of thing they could get away with at that time.

SPEAKER_00: 13:34

Yeah. And I love the fact you say he thought he was being hilarious.

SPEAKER_01: 13:38

He thought he was being hilarious, yeah. And I just thought, do you know what? I've I've had 18 years and I'm sick to death of going forward with my life with this label round my neck. So I then spent the next, I think, I forget what the um uh what the class was we we had next, the lecture was we had next, but I spent the whole lecture playing with how to spell my first name, and I came up with R-A-I-C-H-E-L-L-E, and that's it. I changed my first name when I was 18, and that's how I use my name. And and from then, everybody, absolutely everybody that I came across every time I wrote it down anywhere. I didn't change it by deed poll, but I do use it for everything. It's even on my book on my passport, it's on my my bank account, it's not on my driving license, and it's not on my NHS record, but it is on everything else. Yeah, everybody who sees it goes, what an interesting way to spell Rachel. Never noticed what my surname was. Whoa!

SPEAKER_00: 14:59

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 15:00

So yeah, yeah, I did that until I got married the first time in 1993. So I was born in 1961, so for 32 years I kept my maiden name, changed it the first time I got married.

SPEAKER_00: 15:21

I love that though. You've created, you've created what you needed, what you wanted.

SPEAKER_01: 15:26

What I wanted, yeah, it was just to to to deflect attention away from so it's a little bit of reverse psychology, I suppose. You would you would call it now. I had no idea at the time, but I did it automatically. And um yeah, so so that's why my name is spelt the way it is. And now, if you put it into Google, there's lots of people with that spelling.

SPEAKER_00: 15:51

No, but I do love that because it just epitomizes, as you said, finding out what you want and um and giving yourself permission to change as well, nothing is set in stone, and as we we we we all agree on that, I think. If you try to set things in stone, you're only gonna be feel restricted and disappointed and stifled. Um, but I'll say we we will be sharing your top tips later on, and some of them they've got a bit of a festive theme as well. And uh, I love the fact as well that it's one of your new passions that are going to be working with the top tips. But before I'm not gonna give too many spoilers away, but I'd love to delve more into your own metamorphosis journey as well. Now, you mentioned you've mentioned cowboys, we're gonna talk a bit more about horses, but obviously breaking that old mould. And you did no disrespect to hairdressers or secretaries, but you did something was it sciences? You played to your sciences, strength, but didn't you say that even your teachers were like, Oh no, you can't, was it maths? It's like, no, you can't do that.

SPEAKER_01: 16:55

You can't possibly do maths, you can't do A-level maths, you're not good enough.

SPEAKER_00: 17:00

And that's quite a slap in the face, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 17:03

Oh god, yeah, it was, yeah, yeah, it really was. But um, so I went to catering college for two years, got uh qualification in hotel management, which is great, learnt to cook, great, um, learned how to manage hotels and stuff like that, which is fantastic. But you know, um, I didn't work with horses because it's uh very, very long hours for no money. I didn't want to work in catering because it's very, very long hours with no money. And in the late 70s computers were just starting to uh to become a thing. So when I was at college doing doesn't make you laugh, when I was at college doing my my hotel management, one of our lectures was touch typing on an old typewriter. But anyway, we had to do that, so we did.

SPEAKER_00: 18:02

Um it's one of the best things I ever learnt. It's one of the best skills I ever learnt touch type. Isn't it really?

SPEAKER_01: 18:09

But yeah, anyway, moved on from that, went back to college, did that for two years, decided I didn't want to work in hotel trade because it's too much like hard work. I wanted to work with computers. So I went back to college, did another course in computer studies at the time, learned how to program, and I wanted to be a systems engineer. Now, a systems engineer looks at a problem and breaks it down into uh its kind of biggest sections, and then sends that off to a programmer who then writes all the code. So I I didn't really want to write all the code because that's all the nif-naff and trivia, and you know, but I could see a problem and go, well, we've got this problem, or we'll break that into three pieces, and then that branch will do this bit and this branch will do the problem.

SPEAKER_00: 19:06

It's like how we do as well, the whole life coaching and everything now, isn't it? You know, the chunking down of a big what seems a an overwhelming task, breaking it down into its steps.

SPEAKER_01: 19:18

Yeah, the steps, yeah. Exactly that, exactly that. But no, I couldn't couldn't possibly be a systems engineer because I had to learn how to program first, and I was a woman, and you know, you can't do those sorts of things, it's only men that could do.

SPEAKER_00: 19:33

But then you ended up in obviously in that that's this stage in a very male-dominated oh god, hugely dominated for a long time.

SPEAKER_01: 19:43

So I I ended up working um for what became British Aerospace, where I live. In fact, my dad worked for them all his life, but that's another story. Um uh in the area where I live, so I live on the border between North Hearts and um Mid-Bedfordshire, junction 10 of the A1, which is at Bulldock Services. So just south of us is a town called Stevenage. One of the biggest employers over the years has been um British Aerospace, that's now been divided into what is now MBDA and um what's on the other side? Airbus. So there used to be space and comms, and um the other side was air defence, which is missiles. Um, and then down in Hatfield, which is uh a few few miles further south, there was a big um airfield owned by the De Havilland company that then became British Aerospace. One side of it uh they created aircraft and developed the um on the side that I worked on the dynamic side, we designed and built uh missiles. Oh wow. So uh yeah, I and I worked there, my dad worked there. He didn't get me the job, I got the job off my own back, um, but we worked at the same place, not in the same department, but on the same uh uh location. Had lots of different buildings, all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_00: 21:26

I can imagine, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 21:29

Um so I worked there for quite a few years, um building um mathematical models. No, no, I was building mathematical models of uh missile testings, and whilst I was there, it was the early 80s and in 1982, uh it was the Falklands Wars, and we had a lot of a lot of the um stuff that we were building was was used in the Falklands War, and we had a lot of telemetry data came back that we were then using in mathematical models to then you know develop onward develop and various other things, but I couldn't be called an engineer because I didn't have a degree.

SPEAKER_00: 22:18

I was gonna say, yeah, the whole degree, yeah. Because obviously it's something that in the 80s I think really started developing the end of the whole idea of a job for life, and and I think cur career paths really started morphing right. There was no more of the get your gold watch or your gold bracelet or whatever at the end of it.

SPEAKER_01: 22:43

That's right, that's right. It did, it really started to change, and that's with the the advance of computers and the fact that people could then be much more mobile about moving. So um, whilst I was there, um there were three of us, there were two guys and me went and did uh a uh a further qualification in computer studies, and um the two guys who were younger than me, I got better results than them. They got a better pay grade uh um upgrade than I did, and they had their job titles changed, and I didn't. And so I left. I just went like oh wow left. I just went, this is fucking ridiculous. I was called to see the directors. One of the directors um said, you know, we're really concerned. Why are you leaving? And I said, Because because you've dealt me this, you've these two guys that I work with that I've that I've completely like got much better scores of them um in my qualification. You've given them a thousand pounds pay rise more than me, and you've given them a grade rise, you know. Um you're just not just just lack of respect. I've got the opportunity of um this this job.

SPEAKER_00: 24:09

Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing?

SPEAKER_01: 24:10

Oh my god, because it was just it was just more of the bloody same. Anyway, I moved from Hatfield down to the South Coast to a company called uh Link Miles, who were a flight simulator company. Ah and and I worked in the uh product support department. So what that was was they would uh the company would design and produce a flight simulator that would go out to the customer, the product support department, and would then supply engineers who would go and upgrade, put upgrades on, put changes on, do all these other things. I was the only bloody woman working with all these again. Oh my god, I couldn't I couldn't possibly go on site because I was a woman. Because the sites were uh the the products I was working on were um the first one was a Jaguar fighter. Couldn't possibly go on site because there are a f bases and I'm a woman.

SPEAKER_00: 25:17

So I forced them to let me go on. I was gonna say, did you literally feel your blood boiling as they were going? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 25:23

Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:25

I can't I can't imagine you putting up with that taking quietly. Oh my god. The whole shift though, because obviously we're gonna we're gonna be talking later on about your new not retiring, but you've actually refining and Wendy. Yes, it is a phrase that I've borrowed from the wonderful Wendy Garkard's, but you've discovered something new that you're so passionate about and so excited about. But one thing we mentioned before when we were chatting, and it it's a way of looking at it that I think is is so interesting. That we're we've talked about your parents and our parental generation, it was very much seen retirement as a slowing down, wasn't it? And it wasn't necessarily with net now we put a negative on that. The whole idea of going to play golf, look after your garden, going travelling, doing doing doing whatever. Yeah, whereas now that's almost been like, no, you don't, it's not slowing down because it is a fresh start, and that is really empowering, that's really exciting, but that's not that's not diminishing, is it? It's not diminishing the whole idea of slowing down, no, you might be desperate, you might be desperate just to start slowing down. You may not want to think I want to start doing loads and loads of new things, but it as we said, there's no right or wrong, it's about doing something that works for you and writing your chapter your way, isn't it? Exactly. We're not saying exactly that we're not doing the shoulds, we're not saying you should be starting something new. How lazy to want to sit in a deck chair and read that book. Oh my god, not at all. You've been meaning yeah, the book you've been meaning to read for 10 years.

SPEAKER_01: 27:10

No, no, we've got look, we've got friends who have retired. I mean, Derek himself has um this year started receiving the state pension, so he is effectively retired, but he's not retired. Uh, we can't really afford for him to be retired at the moment, which is fine. Um, but he's slowing down, he's not doing as much. He's much pickier about what work he does. His his work is very physical because he does um uh he fits out uh offices, uh does suspended ceilings and partitioning and stuff like that. So it's a very physical job.

SPEAKER_00: 27:47

But that's people as well, though, isn't it? That's not really slowing down, that's that's listening to your body.

SPEAKER_01: 27:53

Yes, because how often interestingly, interesting, really interestingly, he slowed down quite a lot in the last two years and has obviously put on some weight. Oh wow. Obviously, because he's not as active and and his cholesterol's gone up. So now he's gone. Oh, well, now he's being careful about his diet. I've been trying to get him to be careful about his diet for bloody years, but you know.

SPEAKER_00: 28:22

It takes it takes someone else or something else often, isn't it? It takes the medical profession. Yeah, so he likes being told what to do, not me. Not me, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01: 28:33

So he's now um he's he's careful about what he does, he's not overstretching himself, but he wants to remain active, which is fine. He's he's beginning to be a bit more careful about what he's eating and drinking, which is great. You know, I don't want him falling off the log next week. I I want him to be around for a good few years yet. We're all an aged generation, aren't we? You know, with our parents, well, perhaps not my parents' generation, because they're all really long-lived. Bless her, my mum's still going strong at 94, lives sort of.

SPEAKER_00: 29:11

Yeah, my dad's nine, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 29:12

It's just like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00: 29:14

But you do hear horrendous stories about you do, you do people literally they retire at 60 or at 60 and they drop dead, don't they? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 29:24

My sister, bless her soul, um had uh struggled with cancer for 15 years and died a month after her 60th birthday. I mean, uh just no age at all, really. But you know, that's that's kind of what led me to massage. But anyway, jumping ahead.

SPEAKER_00: 29:45

So yes, embracing new things, yeah. So what start before we go into your top tips, and I'm really excited about this because I don't know what they are, listeners, and I'm feeling quite festive, so this is going to be really Wait, but what is this new area that you've discovered that you're branching out into? Just briefly talk us through it, and then we can we weave you and listeners that understand what I'm doing, weave into how that applies to your top tips for writing our next chapter, our way. So over to you.

SPEAKER_01: 30:22

Earlier this year, um, so I've been a uh holistic massage therapist for 10 years, and uh while that's absolutely brilliant, I love giving massage, I discovered quite surprisingly to me. But anyway, I I get so much enjoyment and so much back from uh being able to help people when they're uh when they're in pain or when they've when they feel you know stuck in their body. Um it I find it amazing how much I get back from it, but there's only so much I can do one-to-one with people. And as we said, I was 64 this year, so physically I know that I can't massage that many people. I know that, so um that's absolutely fine. I have to listen to my body. I've had a bit of a um medical drama a few years ago, so I have to be careful about what I do, and so I've been looking for a number of years for something I can do online. There's so much in the online presence these days, and I kept you know, trying to find a way of creating something that I could bring to more people, that I could so that I could have an online business. And my business mentor, a lady called Shazzy, uh lost her dog two years ago, died very, very suddenly at at the vets on the table, very unexpectedly, and it really shook her, really. It took her a long well, she's still trying to recover from it now, but part of her recovering was she downloaded from the universe, and you can take it or leave it, I don't really care. I love the whole idea of it, but she downloaded this whole energy healing system called bliss weaving, and at the beginning of this year, I I followed her training course and I became one of her founder bliss weaving guides. So obviously I can hear you all going, Well, what is bliss weaving? Yeah, it's it's a rapid, gentle method that clears your inner blocks so that you can step into your most authentic bliss-filled life. And it really spoke to me because in this chapter of our lives, as you're moving forward, because you can only move forward, obviously, you can't go backwards, you kind of want to go forward with as much joy and bliss and calm and everything as you possibly can. And if that means getting rid of all the baggage that you've collected along the way, all the stuff that you've carried since you were a child, all the contrary stuff.

SPEAKER_00: 33:46

No, absolutely sits in your mind that's and this is so relevant now, isn't it? And obviously, our episode our episode, you can tune in any time of year, but we're recording it, you know, coming to the end of 2025. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 33:58

Yeah, and 2025 has been such a weird year for so many people. It's been really difficult for me because I I had something happen at the beginning of the year that really triggered some childhood stuff to come up. So I've had to really work on myself this year. But bliss weaving itself, it's it's a gentle and incredibly effective method used to help people clear those inner blocks that keep them feeling stuck and out of alignment. Um, and it's basically through guided visualizations and energetic clearing and really deep listening so that you're there holding space for somebody whilst they're remembering stuff, whilst stuff is coming up. It's that really important holding space that's that that's what works so well. And and with that, we tend to dissolve the old patterns and fears that are quietly holding it back. Um and what makes it so special, it sounds really simple. Um, and as guides, obviously we have to go through a certain amount of um uh a certain amount of doing this clearing ourselves to find out exactly how it feels. And what makes it so special is the shifts that happen are massive and they happen really, really quickly. And and most people after a session feel much lighter and much more grounded and much more themselves, even after just the first session. And then the more sessions you have, obviously, those changes are building time after time. Um because it's so simple and supportive, it reconnects you to with who you who you really are, and then helps you to step into that more blissful, empowered version of your life and yourself. And and it's something that once you've learned, you know, once we've gone through a few guided sessions, I can either carry on guiding you through sessions or you can do it yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 36:16

It's just it's it's the most amazing thing, it really is. Well, I'm I'm loving your enthusiasm. I'm loving your enthusiasm. So obviously, people listening who are thinking, right, I need to find out some more about this. We'll be giving your contact details later on. Um, but can you can you talk through because you said you had some kind of festive ish top tips, yes, or how we can take that step back, particularly now, have a pause, reassess, using bliss weaving as well. Um yeah, and then think about writing our next chapter our way. So, what what would be your first tip for us then?

SPEAKER_01: 36:58

So, um, as it's coming up to Christmas and you know, all things festive and so tip one, put yourself on your Christmas list. Oh you know, you you can buy gifts for everybody else, including your aunt, dog to the neighbour's kids. So you can definitely put yourself on that list and give yourself a tiny moment of bliss, book a massage, lock yourself in the bathroom and have a have a bath with some candles and a book or some music, you know. Any of any of those things, it's like whatever gives you five minutes of peace, put yourself on your own Christmas lift list.

SPEAKER_00: 37:45

So that's that's so important, isn't it? Because I think I talk a lot about well, I am the queen of being perfectly imperfect and taking perfectly imperfect action, and there is such a danger at this time.

SPEAKER_01: 37:58

Oh god, isn't there so that kind of leads on to tip number two is choose presence over perfection? Yeah, no, you know, you know, nobody remembers if the Mac napkins matched or the roast potatoes were perfectly symmetrical. Who the hell's gonna remember that? But they do remember if you were a frazzled gremlin by 3 pm. Yeah, you know, I've been there, I've been exactly the same, and it's like you know, take a breath, walk, take a walk outside, go and touch a tree, you know, uh dip something warm, feel yourself back in your body. Take again, it's taking that breath and and accept that not everything is gonna be perfect.

SPEAKER_00: 38:48

Another thing as well, that there's a danger for want of a better word, while you're trying to do all these different things, these tasks that you're creating for yourself, no one else is expecting to do it. All these things that you're doing that are taking up your valuable time, think of the conversations and the connections that you're missing out. Exactly. I know I usually I used to think, oh no, you you can almost, especially if you haven't got one of these fabulous open plan hosting areas, you're stuck in the kitchen and you can vaguely hear conversations going on in the lounge or whatever, but you're not part of it. And you come in and you're like, Oh, what have I missed? And you say it in almost kind of a jovial way, but in your heart, you're thinking, God, I have bloody missed because I've been doing stuff. Who the heck cares whether my potatoes are no, no, oh, I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_01: 39:39

Yeah, yeah, and then and then you know, protect your energy like it's the last mince pie.

SPEAKER_00: 39:47

I should have got some mince pies in for now. We should be sitting here eating mince pies. No, it's rude to talk with your mouth, but I would I wouldn't be talking with my mouth up. No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 39:58

It's okay to say no. It's okay to say no, say maybe later instead. You know, don't don't keep agreeing to and I'm one of the world's worst at saying yes to everything. You know, I've had to learn a very hard lesson at the beginning of the year. I did not uphold my boundaries, and they were so badly abused. And when I said, actually, you're not being very fair, the whole world went through.

SPEAKER_00: 40:32

And the whole guilt trip, doesn't it? No, the the classic what I used to do, the old people pleasing me, I used to say, right, I'm gonna say no because I haven't got the time or the energy or the inclination, or I just don't actually want to do this. But you say no, but then you you make the terrible, near fatal error of saying no, and then starting to justify why you're saying no. No justification, and then by doing that, you then the whole guilt thing starts, and before you know it, you've taught yourself how to know and you've talked yourself into doing it, but and you've only got yourself to blame because Absolutely, it's a whole learning process, it's a had you stopped.

SPEAKER_01: 41:13

Had you stopped at the no, and I know I know people keep saying everywhere it's no is a complete sentence, but it is a polite no, and it's the minute you start apologizing and explaining instead of saying no, or maybe later, you can always say, I'm entering a blissweaving portal and cannot be reached. Please leave a message, I'll get back to you in 2026. Yes, exactly. Strong boundaries, as we all learn, and we learn this through such hard lessons, and bless the universe, it keeps trying to tell us some of us listen, some of us don't, but strong boundaries are basically self-care with a backbone, you know. We like that, yeah. It's just you know, yeah, and you know, they're festive too, you know. They don't have to be, you don't have to be nasty about it at all. You can just say, actually, no.

SPEAKER_00: 42:14

Yeah, no, no, we don't want to be nasty, no, we don't we're not being rude, we're not it's not I I always say it's not that we don't care, it's not all that we're putting self-care first.

SPEAKER_01: 42:27

Absolutely, and you know, like they say on the bloody aeroplane, put your oxygen mask on first before you help anybody else, you can't tip out of a an empty bucket. No, you know, you've got to look after yourself first because if you look after yourself first, then you've got more to give to other people.

SPEAKER_00: 42:49

No, that's so true. And what we don't want is to get to the and I know we're we're talking Christmassy because it is almost Christmas, but this is true any time of the year, yeah. Absolutely. You don't want to I don't do regrets, but it regrets that going down the regret route is made easier when you've been exhausting yourself to try and fulfill a level of achievement that only you were put there. Yeah, yeah. No one else is asking you to do this. You're putting you're putting these seemingly impossible limits, or you know, uh no, don't do it, don't do it.

SPEAKER_01: 43:28

No, and then there's you know, do a bliss break, have a bliss break. So a bliss break before you lose the plot is just three minutes, take three minutes, put one hand on your heart and one on your belly, and breathe in for a count of four, and then out for a a count of six, and whisper to yourself I am safe, I am serene, and I will not strangle anybody in the queue at Tesco's have a meant high, yeah. I like that, I like that, I like that it's like just take a breath, but physically take a breath, put a hand on your heart, put a hand on your tummy, breathe in for a count of four, and out for a count of six. It's amazing how much it just makes you pause.

SPEAKER_00: 44:28

No, is it's the refocus, isn't it? Recalibrating, whatever the right phrase is.

SPEAKER_01: 44:33

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And and we said before, you know, give connection, not clutter.

SPEAKER_00: 44:40

You know that's something definitely.

SPEAKER_01: 44:44

You know, connection is so much more important. I mean, we um got a bloody spider running over.

SPEAKER_00: 44:52

Oh, that's good luck. Good luck, money spiders. That's your gift. The spiders bringing you good luck.

SPEAKER_01: 44:59

So lovely. We've got uh last year, we I uh a friend of mine found herself in a very difficult position. She was splitting up with her husband, they got two young girls. She ended up um in a situation where she was effectively homeless. Um the threat of social services being called was hanging over her head. We've got two spare bedrooms. My husband and I just said to her, move here. Yeah. We'll set this the bigger bedroom up as a a room for the two girls so that when they're staying with you, come and stay here. They come and stay here. So this is until you get yourself sorted out, this is your permanent address. She she was in the process of trying to buy a house and it all fell through, and yeah, uh as these things do. And uh we've got the space, you know. We haven't got a massive house, it's only a three-bedroom semi-detached, but there's only two of us, you know. So we've got two spare rooms, they were full of crap.

SPEAKER_00: 46:10

It's a good example. A good I I keep talking about, I keep there so many episodes.

SPEAKER_01: 46:17

We spent a weekend clearing these rooms out and turning them back into proper bedrooms. I'm I'm in the process of turning them back into my office, but you know. Um, and Jenny and her girls came and stayed, and they were here over Christmas last year. It was absolutely delightful. I can't tell you how lovely it was, you know, and so many people said to me, Oh, that's going a bit above and beyond, and blah blah blah, and you know, they were really surprised. And we're like, but we we've got the opportunity of offering somebody who is in need, desperate need, safety. Why wouldn't you do that?

SPEAKER_00: 46:59

Why wouldn't you say a bit of breathing space? Yeah, so so that she could actually take stock, and as you say, she had the safety, the security, her her tits were okay. I know I like that because it when it comes to presents, and I know gift buying, and there's gift, you know, what to buy, what to buy, who to buy for, da da da da. There's so much tat and stuff that we don't need, but the gift of and it sounds a bit meh, the gift of time, but no, it's so true.

SPEAKER_01: 47:29

Time and connection, time and connection, you can't get those back, yeah. You really can't, and you know, I know um because because of the horses in my life, connection is so important because without connection, you you you you kind of virtually you don't have anything, it's you you end up having an animal that you know it becomes a bit of a bit a bit of a trial. But with the connection, if you work on that connection, if you build a relationship with the the horses in your in your care, it's uh it is quite magical, really.

SPEAKER_00: 48:12

Otherwise, you just you've acquired a beast that just makes a lot of mess.

SPEAKER_01: 48:16

So literally just it costs a lot of money, yeah, it costs a lot of money to clear up their mess. Exactly. Well, you have to pay somebody else to do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 48:28

I absolutely love those tips. I love those tips. What what's the one thing that you're gonna really have at the forefront of your mind then over the next few days? And going into 2026.

SPEAKER_01: 48:40

Um I think um of all of those, protecting my energy, yeah, protecting my energy because um we're so good at spreading ourselves so thin by you know uh giving our energy out to so many people or so many things that um it's it's due you need to protect yourself. Yeah, you know, because because if if you if you haven't got a full vessel of energy, how how can you support all this all the people that you want to support? And having proper connections with people and don't worry about stuff that's not perfect, things perfect. Perfections perfection's an illusion.

SPEAKER_00: 49:36

No, we wouldn't want to be perfect anyway. Oh, I love that. Well, we're gonna be giving your connection details in a minute, but before we do, you know what's coming. You know what's coming. Drum roll, please, for the last time in 2025. I am going to be asking you, my fabulous female guest, to answer the following questions that I ask everyone that comes on the show. So, your first question, and it doesn't have to be a Christmassy one. What is your midlife anthem? The song or piece of music that lights you up when you hear it?

SPEAKER_01: 50:15

So, um, you probably won't be surprised about this. Uh, my midlife anthem, which came into my head immediately, is Don't Stop Me Now by Queen.

SPEAKER_00: 50:28

You're having such a good time.

SPEAKER_01: 50:31

So I'm having such a good midlife's given me such incredible momentum, and I finally am beginning to feel fully myself because I've had to do lots of work on myself, and and we all do. You know, if we one of the girls at the yard um where I am at the moment, who has just um um she's she's absolutely brilliant. She got into Oxford. Oh wow, she is absolutely incredibly talented, but she's on the spectrum, went off to Oxford and had a complete breakdown. Oh yeah, you know, but she is in a position now where she can learn about all these things because she's surrounded by people like me who are saying, like, look at these things, think about find out who you really are. We're never told that back in the bloody 70s.

SPEAKER_00: 51:34

No.

SPEAKER_01: 51:34

And it's so important, isn't it? It's so important, and it's like, you know, she was really worried about making she's now decided that she's gonna take a year out. Um, her college at Oxford has said, yes, that's fine. She won't have to reapply, she can just go back. And so she's got a year to work out who she really is. What a brilliant, brilliant situation to be in. And she was so worried about making a decision. And I said to her, like, any decision is better than no decision, it doesn't matter. There is no right or wrong.

SPEAKER_00: 52:08

No, that would be a good midlife mantra. But I want I want to know what you've actually selected as your midlife, or is that it?

SPEAKER_01: 52:16

No, perhaps it might have been that there is no right or wrong. There isn't, is it? Uh so no, my midlife mantra is um I'm just getting started.

SPEAKER_00: 52:27

Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01: 52:31

None of this slowing down Malarkey.

SPEAKER_00: 52:33

No, no, no, no. Well, have that on a t-shirt, please.

SPEAKER_01: 52:36

Yeah, I do feel like I'm just getting started, you know. I've uh I I've lost my sister. Uh you know, very she's still obviously with me, but um, you know, very sad, but she wasn't true to herself. All her life she pretended to be somebody she wasn't. Oh gosh, you know, and it's uh you know, that was a kind of lesson for us all, I think. Um so yeah, I'm just getting started. Midlife isn't slowing down for me, it's awakening.

SPEAKER_00: 53:13

Again, that that time.

SPEAKER_01: 53:16

Yeah, I'm I'm remembering who I am, I'm feeling more aligned, much more intentional, and much more excited about my life than ever before. You know, Der Derek and I went on we've been on three holidays already this year.

SPEAKER_00: 53:33

I'm coming on the next one with you then.

SPEAKER_01: 53:36

Well, before you go off on holiday again, but you know, we we we um we like um you know he's worked hard all his life. Uh we like to go on um we like to go on adventures, so we go on driving holidays in Spain and mostly Spain and France, um, met up with some friends, just have a really nice time. And I feel like I'm really filling up with gratitude for everything that's that's that I'm being blessed with. It's just amazing, absolutely amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 54:19

So before we give your contact details, then your final question what is the title of your autobiography? Oh, you're giggling, you're giggling. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 54:30

So my autobiograbiography is called Contrary by Nature, Blissful by Choice. Nice. Um, you know, I've I've always had that contrary streak. I I grew up with being called Rachel Mary, quite contrary. So, you know, I'm taking that energy and instead of allowing it to feel like some kind of um heavy label, I'm using it to choose joy and calm and a life that feels totally mine.

SPEAKER_00: 55:07

Brilliant. Brilliant.

SPEAKER_01: 55:08

You know, instead of, you know, like like you say, there no regrets. There are no regrets. You know, without all the experiences I've had in my life, all of them, you know, from starting out at um catering college and uh ending my corporate life, taking a multinational company to Canadian company to court for unfair dismissal, and plenty more of living to go.

SPEAKER_00: 55:41

So it's time now. Who anyone out there who wants a bit of this, who wants to get in contact. Obviously, all your details are in the show notes for our episode and in your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But just talk us through how listeners can connect with you.

SPEAKER_01: 56:00

So the best way really to connect with me, I have got a Facebook profile, I've got a business profile, but I don't ever use it. So the best way is to connect with me, uh Rachel Jordan. You'll know it's me, um, because uh there's a picture of me and my horse. Of course. Uh I'm on LinkedIn and um Facebook. I have got an Instagram thing, but I have no idea what I'm doing with Instagram, so I don't use that. Um, and then my website is um midshiresholistics.com.

SPEAKER_00: 56:35

Brilliant.

SPEAKER_01: 56:36

And then for the listeners, if you are interested in um having a having uh a free 20-minute bliss weaving session with me just to find out whether it's something that you might be interested in. I've got a secret page on my uh website. So it's um www.midshiresholistics.com forward slash ripple. And that will take you to a page uh about the free 20-minute um session that I can give that will just give you a sample of what it's all about.

SPEAKER_00: 57:16

Oh, that's fantastic! Well, anyone go and go and do that, member ripple. Let's start some ripples now. So thank you ever so much for listening and thank you for being my wonderful guest. I'm feeling very, very festive now. Um, anyone would like to connect with me? All my details are in the show notes and on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. So come and connect with me. There's also details of my midlife metamorphosis coaching offers and pop your podcast cherry. Now, one-to-one places available. So here's two a fabulous Christmas, a wonderful 2026, being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Rachel. It's been absolutely brilliant. I've loved it. Bye.