How to Help Save Men Over 50 from Themselves with Guest Louis Bezich

We talk a lot about our own health on Midlife Unlimited. But, just as our health and wellbeing have an impact on those around us, so too we're affected by how the men in our lives are feeling.

So in the interests of cultivating healthy relationships and nurturing positive communication, this episode is a bit different. 

Because I'm joined by my first ever male guest Louis Bezich, men's health advocate, author and speaker, to discuss why men over 50 are their own worst enemies, why so many men resist the very habits that could make them healthier, happier and even improve their relationships. 

Louis shares how defining the end game is literally a game changer, and gives tips and advice on how we can help the men in our lives make small changes that have a big impact on both them - and us. 

Connect with Louis

https://louisbezich.com/ 

linkedin.com/in/louisbezich/  

https://facebook.com/louisbezich

instagram.com/louis.bezich 

b19c0276942dde98656f2638f9c7148efbf54ad9

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling midlife how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, we talk a lot about our own health on Midlife Unlimited. But just as our health and well-being have an impact on those around us, so too we're affected by how the men in our lives are feeling. So, in the interests of cultivating healthy relationships, this episode is a bit different because I'm delighted to welcome my first ever male guest drum roll, please, on Midlife Unlimited, Lewis Bezic, men's health advocate, author, and speaker, to talk about how to save men over 50 from themselves. So welcome, Lewis. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Thank you so much, Kate. I am truly honored to be your first male guest. I've uh, you know, feel a little bit of pressure, but in a good way. And uh really looking forward to the conversation because believe it or not, the health of men and the relationship that the man has with the women can improve their health. And again, believe it or not, working together for a common goal of a healthy lifestyle is really enhances your chances of success and sustainability.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

No, absolutely. And that is why I'm celebrating you. I'm celebrating you coming on the show. And listeners, you just missed it. I just did a little happy dance as well. Because, yes, there is a book behind this, but as listeners know, I don't just invite authors on just to say, oh, come and buy my book, because I like to find out the why behind the book, because that is the powerful bit. That is the message, that's what's driven the message. And when we're talking about men, we're not just talking about partners, husbands, boyfriends, we're talking about brothers, we're talking about friends, we're talking about colleagues, aren't we? We're talking about all those blinking midlife men out there that are just not doing themselves the best service they can.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yes, I mean that's that's what my advocacy is all about. I mean, it's it's it's built, Kate, on my own, both my own personal uh experience, my lived experience, and some of my um professional uh endeavors in the area of healthcare. If I could, let me uh tell you how I you know came to be a healthcare advocate or men's health advocate.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

No, I love that because obviously you're going to be sharing your top insights and lessons learned later on. So yeah, let's put it in perspective. Let's fill the listeners in who they may or may not, obviously, you're an author, they may have come across your novel, not novels and not novels. No, no, no, no, no. Novel ideas, yeah, novel ideas maybe, but yeah, your life lessons that you've put out there into the world. How how has this come about?

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Well, it it start with my starts with my own lived experience. As a young man in my uh 30s, I became uh a single dad, right? And I had two uh two boys, my two sons living with me uh under my roof. And so my world became filled with you know putting lunch on the table, putting lunch uh together for them went to school, uh, putting meals on the table, doctor's appointments, dental, uh looking after their well-being. That really became my my focus of my life, in addition to, of course, my day job and building my career.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

It was that juggle, yeah. And I know listeners, listeners will resonate with that juggle of, oh my goodness, life, lifeing and trying to keep on top of it, let alone doing anything else, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Absolutely. And it really gave me a feel for what women go through all the time in this world. And uh, you know, I saw it firsthand. So those boys became so important to me, and their well-being was my focus. And it I found myself um uh coming up with an antidote to the stress and the pressure of that situation by beginning to exercise. I happened to live across the street from a park, and so I would take, you know, take an opportunity here and there to run. And I found that running cleared my head and really gave me some perspective to focus on those boys. And the other reason I found myself gravitating to exercise was that I wanted to always be there for those boys, right? I didn't want my own illness or my own frailty to um to come into play here and uh and take away from my opportunity to care for them. So I really got into the healthy routines and healthy habits and found that as the boys progressed and they graduated from high school and went off to college, that uh and the lives of their own, that those habits, routines, and rituals really stuck with me. I really began to enjoy the routine of living healthy. And it started with exercise, but then migrated to diet as well. And I found that what started as an anti-antidote to the stress really became, you know, a lifestyle and really became something that a passion that I was concerned about. Uh, and so that's what got me started on a personal level. And then I found myself a few years later entering the field of healthcare. And I got it there and I and I looked around and I saw the state of American men over 50 and found that wait a minute, that didn't reconcile with my experience, right? I found that men over 50, you know, neglect their health, uh, you know, don't see the doctor and really don't uh take care of themselves and really become um, you know, uh, you know, subject to chronic disease. And of course, that's why men uh, you know, become become very sedentary, and that's why men, you know, have shorter lifespans than women, and et cetera. And I and I said to myself, it doesn't have to be that way. My own experience suggested to me that when you're entering what I call the second half of the game of life and you've got everything to look forward to, graduations, weddings, travel, you know, maybe encore career, retirement, whatever it might be, what's the common denominator there that makes that all uh you know possible? And it's your health, of course. And so if you're neglecting, and you know, the other thing that that always perplexed me is that, you know, men see themselves as protectors and providers, right? That's sort of the the male stereotype. Well, the one thing that's necessary in order to protect and to ride is to be healthy yourself. And so it really is a paradox there. So I got into the healthcare, became a healthcare executive, and found it. It just didn't reconcile. So the two of the those that personal experience and then my professional experience and what I saw in the landscape um really caused me to write my first book and now my second book and and uh write columns about men's health and really be, you know, that really triggered my advocacy.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

Excellent. No, I and I loved it. We're gonna be digging more into your books and what they're all about. But no, what you were just saying really resonates with me, because it's something I say so much here on Midlife Unlimited. We're now at this time, and it's a pivotal time, really use it or lose it. And a lot of women I speak to and the chaps as well. I mean, I was a rowing mum. Um, and a lot of my friends, they I mean, I've got a son like you, um, and a lot before the they go off to uni, just moving out before the whole emptiness thing. Obviously, I know not all of you listening have got kids, but just bear with me on this one because often we can have led quite an active lifestyle, whether that is literally just hurtling around after them, or maybe with parents as well, and that shift of suddenly it's just us living on our own, or us and our partner living on our own, the exercise and that might have been part of us, what you know, part of our routine, even our weekends start to look very, very different, don't they? So it is keep, I mean, obviously, with you, you found something that became a passion because you you loved running and you've kept it up and you love the gym. But it now can be a time, as you said, sedentary lifestyle. We might think, well, bloody hell, it's quite nice to actually put our feet up for a bit having spent all these years chasing around after other people. But no, it's like that slowing down is is not a good thing to do, is it?

SPEAKER_00 8:40

No, it's not. And the the thing that I counsel men on, and and I've got a perspective on my advocacy, what I call tough love for men, right? And that is that guys, uh, and this applies to women as well, it's not all about you. Believe it or not, there are people in this world that carry, care about your sorry butt, and perhaps, you know, do it for you know the grandchildren or the children or your colleagues or your spouse or your whomever, there are other people in your life that um really depend on you. And that's that, you know, not that not it's that it shouldn't be a reason just to do it, but sometimes we need, you know, and that's what my books are all about, motivation. And that's where we can find motivation in those relationships, whether they be personal, professional, but the more emotional they are, the more power they have, I find, and the literature finds that um it can motivate uh and inspire healthy behavior.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Absolutely. And I think it's important there, something that you're there there are two sides of it, aren't there? There's the motivation, as in the why behind it, why do you want to get fit? If you've not done it, it's not too late. But it is, as you say, whether it's spending time with grandchildren, whether it's starting a new hobby, whether it's actually thinking, no, I'm actually going to go and climb Kilimanjara, or I'm gonna actually be able to walk a mile a day, two miles a day. I'm gonna be able to bend down and pick up that thing that I've dropped on the floor without my back giving way or my knees giving way. But also it's avoiding the whole guilt trip, isn't it? Because I mean, I don't do shoulds and I definitely don't do guilt trips, but it can be that kind of like, oh, well, if you don't lose weight, this will happen, that'll happen. And that can be like so overwhelming, can't it? Particularly if you've perhaps got health issues that run in the family. It can be that whole put it on the back burner, I don't, I don't want to think about it. I don't right. And that that's not helping either, is it?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

No, it's not. And that you really uh hit on the the head there, Kate. Um, our uh most of uh of our culture is really in when it comes to health is a uh is based on a compliance, what I'll call a compliance model. You see your physician and he or she will tell you, well, you've got to take your medicine, you've got a diet, you've got to exercise. It's all about the perspective and the framework is compliance. Where I think we need to gravitate to is a model of empowerment and motivation. Yeah, right. You know, one of the one of my key points here is that you're you're never too old to start living a healthy lifestyle, right? It's never too late. And can um and consistent with that, it's about empowering men and empowering women for that matter to say, hey, look, you have the opportunity to control your own destiny. Okay, do you know what is probably the most significant uh influence on our our health? It's our own lifestyle. Yeah, it's it's our diet, the amount of exercise we do, how we conduct ourselves. That had that is probably so we have the ability to control our own destiny. Unfortunately, at least in America, we don't. We've got you know upwards of 70% of the population either obese or overweight. We spend more money in the United States than any other industrialized country in the world. But yet we rank, I think it's in the middle of the pack, it's like 17th of the in the world in terms of the health of Americans. You know, something we've got all these gyms and and you know uh facilities around the country, but you know, the percentage of people that exercise on a regular basis is hugely low. So while we have every opportunity to control our destiny, we don't. And so why that's why I focus on finding that motivation, that internal or intrinsic motivation, because we do have the opportunity to control our destiny. And you know, that's the cultural spark I'm trying to light.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I love the fact, like I said, obviously we're talking about it, you know, relationship us women relationships with chaps and how we can help each other and support each other, because as you say, motivation is a very emotional thing. So by sparking the emotions, by having the conversations, even if if someone we know, a man in our life, is struggling to find that motivation to actually sit down with a cup of coffee, take the time to say, you know, what is it? What is it that's holding you back? Is it that like I mean, the thought of going to the gym for a lot of us girls is like we don't the kind of the whole lycra thing and and I imagine for a chap, especially if you've perhaps been very sporty in your youth, and then the sport for whatever reason has faded away, often due to working ridiculous hours or commuting or whatever it might be. And now it's like, right, I'm gonna take up sport again, but you look down or you look in the mirror and you thought, I'm sure you know that belly didn't used to be there, and you know, now running up and down a football pitch, I feel like I'm gonna vomit on the floor. What's happened to the, you know, I I was an athlete before, isn't it? And it's like, no, well, come on then, let's try something else. You don't have to go back and do what you did before. It's about trying new things and perhaps trying them with your male friends, female things we can do together, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Absolutely. It's a whole new approach. It's a whole new, it's that, it's that uh you know, empowerment approach. So here's what I mean by that, Kate, is that yeah, if you will sit down with your with your significant other, your spouse, whomever, uh, or it could be children, it could be anybody, and talk about what I call the end game. What do we want to do socially in our lives? Do we want to travel? Do we want to take up another sport? Do we want to be able to frolic on the beach with our grandchildren? Whatever, you know, what's the end game, right? That but that's a social equation, if you will. And what is it, you know, again, the underlying factor here is that in order to achieve those and end game goals, right? And they can be mutual goals. That's that's the best part of it, is that the the secondary benefit of using a relationship to advance your health is that you also advance the relationship and the social dynamics here. So that's a great benefit, guys. You know, you might just become a little closer and more understanding. That's why I have a chapter in my book about communication, because it's all about that relationship.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Well, I'd love to delve into that more when we get to your top tips. But no, absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

But if you can build, you know, if you can uh uh define that end game, those social goals, and then you know, have a what I call sustainability plan. In other words, let's not besides the big picture goals of, you know, we've got a wedding coming up or we want to travel or whatever it is that what are we doing this week? Shall we go to dinner Friday night, Saturday night? Shall we see a show? Shall we do something? Shall we just sit sit at home if necessary and just you know have a glass of wine together? Weekly, monthly, and then big, you know, annual and semi-annual kinds of activities. That's that's that's the end game. And then you say to yourself, okay, look, in order to really enjoy and achieve that end game, we need to be healthy. So let's now turn that conversation into what can we do together? How can we help each other with the workout plan, with uh a diet program? Because it takes it excuse me, it takes effort. It's not easy, but again, the literature and the social science suggests that if you do it together, you enhance your um opportunity for success.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

I love that. And I I go, I I'm gonna I will go back to the whole emptiness thing again, because I know listeners, I know not all of you are in that situation, and I know not all of you are sitting there looking at your other half thinking, is it only Netflix that's keeping us together? But maybe this conversation will spark ideas for like you were just saying, things that we can do together. And I say that could be with a group of friends of both sexes, but rather than sitting there going, this is it now. You know, we're going it's downhill from now on in. Really? Let's do we have to do that? I really can't be bothered. Let's start being bothered. And I'm I'm I won't say I'm guilty because I don't do that, but no, I think, oh, really? Really, Kate, have you really said you want to do this? And then you kind of think, well, no, actually, I do want to do it. I am gonna poke myself, poke, and actually go and put those trainers on and let's go and do it.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Because it will enable you to do those other things to achieve those social goals, those emotional goals, sharing time with loved ones, whatever again, could be a second career, could be a volunteer, whatever it is that motivates and gives you purpose and meaning in your life. See, I I surveyed a thousand men over 50 that actually were pre-screened uh as leading a healthy lifestyle. Yes, there are men in the United States at least that over 50 that and I wanted because I wanted to know what is it that motivates you to lead that healthy life and how do you sustain it? And in in high percentages in the 70% range, relationships, relationships, relationships. And that that reconciled very nicely with all of the social science that goes back 85 plus years, it says, you know, relationships equal, healthy relationships equal, good health. And so that's the point to your point. It's not about compliance as much as empowerment to help you achieve those that end game, those social goals. If you think about it that way, if you're on the treadmill or you're running, it's about, okay, when am I going to, you know, I want to be, I want to look good on that trip. I we, you know, when we get off the ship, we want to walk around and be able to really enjoy where, you know, the country we're we're going to explore. It's it's about making those connections and adding some you know deeper purpose to the exercise, not just exercise for the sake of exercise, it's exercise because it gets you to a really important thing in your life.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

Yeah. I love that. I love that. Particularly, and it's so timely because obviously, you know, this is midlife unlimited, but we are embarking on a longevity revolution. And I said it right, I can never normally say that. I normally stumble over that word. And keeping ourselves functioning. When I say at the max, I don't mean pushing ourselves beyond the limit, but just keeping ourselves feeling fabulous and fired up and doing ourselves the justice to make every moment matter because we don't know how long we've got. And it's all about, isn't it, living life well and enjoying it and not not squandering it on regrets and what ifs and if-onies. Absolutely. I I would love to move into your top tips, but first I've just realized we spoke about the title of this episode, How to Save Men Over 50 from themselves, by through our relationships, through our love, really, through our friendship and helping motivation. But I've actually stole that title from from the title of so your latest book. Is it available now? I've got my copy. And talk us through the titles of your books, and then we'll go into your top tips that come from those, if we may.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Sure. My my most recent book is called Saving Men from Themselves: 20 Proven Tactics with a New Approach to Healthy Living for Men Over 50. Now, what does that mean? It's a it's a um it's a game plan, it's a it's a roadmap for men and the people that love them uh as to how to uh lead a healthy lifestyle. And I emphasize the word lifestyle because it's more than just diet and exercise. In the book, I talk about the importance and the power of relationships. Uh, I have tips in there for men, uh, like the point about communications I made earlier as to how to be a good communicator, because of course, men are not always known for their communication skills as opposed to women. And so uh there's tips in there about that and other tips about supporting women. Um, believe it or not, in a book about men's health, I have uh a section on helping women through menopause. Now that may seem out of place, but again, if you're going to have that strong relationship with somebody in your life, then getting them and you want them to participate as much as you can in your diet and exercise program, well, they've got their own little thing they're dealing with called menopause. And it might be good for you just to be clued into what your partner is going through so that you can help them so that they can be there for you and then set up that win-win relationship. So, yes, I do talk about diet and exercise in the in the book and sort of the normal um uh areas that one needs to cover, but it's it's wrapped in a larger context. It's wrapped in a context of empowerment, getting away from compliance, getting into motivation and inspiration. And it's got uh not only the material and it's all I would also emphasize, Kate, that it's all what I would call evidence based, meaning that I've I've drawn from um the best science out there uh around the world and and woven that together. Uh and then there's also stories uh in each uh of the 20 uh tactics. That introduced those tactics that show how this works on a practical level. Because I'm a I love to be uh a storyteller and and and I think it's a great way to communicate the points by showing how it applies in in real life.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Yeah I love that. I love that. I mean, before we delve more into the communication side of things, could you talk us through some of the key takeaway tactics from the book that you think would really resonate with the theme of our show here on Midlife Unlimited?

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Well, I'll I'll give you three really key tactics, Kate. Um number one is we just mentioned it, but focus on that end game, right? Before you, you know, because we're all we're what do we do? Okay, we we make that New Year's resolution, we run down to the closest gymnasium or fitness center, we get the membership, we buy the shoes, whatever it is, you know, we do all that, right? Um, let's start with number one, get that motivate what I call the motivational platform together, meaning that sit down with somebody, whomever it is in your life, share your thoughts and ideas, and identify what's most important. What is your social agenda for the next five, 10 years? Is it with your children or grandchildren? Is it your spouse? Is it is it uh again an encouragement, whatever it is that you want to achieve? Think about that and put that up there as your agenda because that is your end game, right? Again, what those 50 plus men that I surveyed told me is that uh their health practices, their behabits and behaviors are a means to an end. The motivation comes from a clear perspective on the end game. Number two, uh, develop your social sustainability plan. What's that? That's those regular practices, again, whether it's your spouse, just your children, whatever it might be, or some combination thereof, of course, that constantly gives you something to look forward to. Uh, anticipation, Kate, is a great motivator, right? Yeah, no, absolutely. I'm going to a wedding, you know, or a a ball in you know, the next couple of months, and I really want, well, that's great, but let's do that all the time.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

It is.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

I'm all about something is good.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Yeah, but the for celebrating the small things, isn't it? Because it's not yes, it's about losing weight or being able to walk further or being able to play longer, harder, or whatever on the pitch, off the pitch, going out all night, staying up past 10 o'clock in the evening, ladies. That would be good, wouldn't it? But it's about celebrating the small things because these are culmative, they they build up and they keep that motivate. Put my teeth in, put keep the motivation firing, don't they? And I love what you're saying about the end game. I mean, I talk about the why. Why? Why do you want to do this? And and listeners will know very strongly how I feel, sorry, how I feel very strongly about New Year's resolutions. No, no, no, no, no. They don't work, they don't work, they're never going to work because they're based on societal expectations, they're based on other people's opinions, they're based on those blinking shoulds. I talk about me solutions that we can do any time of the year, that, as you say, build the whole idea of the end game. They build into them why do you want to do this? You don't just want to lose five kilograms, you want to lose five kilograms because it will enable you to do X, Y, Z. And as you said, on a timescale, on a timeline, not just looking at the the massive end goal, but looking at the little steps along the way that each one will bring you joy, happiness, contentment, a bit of excitement, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yep, exactly, exactly. And so, in addition to you know, the end game and and sustainability plan, my third tip would be to leverage your success, right? Build on the little the little increments of progress. And then because you want to get in habits, it's all about habits, routines, and rituals, because you want to get to a point where when you don't uh you know reconcile or you don't maintain that ritual on any given day, you don't feel right. Something's wrong. When I don't exercise, I my day is not the same. If if I you know eat something, maybe I shouldn't, I feel a little, you know, uh out of place, right? So you want to you want to have that build those guardrails within your own body and your own personality that really says, I like now I, you know, you get to the point where I like to exercise. I I enjoy maintaining my diet because I've seen I've been to the top of the mountain, if you will, right? Yeah, I've seen how it feels to be able to frolic on the beach with my grandchildren or you know, keep up with the young ones on the golf course or whatever it might be that motivates you. And that's where you, that's the pinnacle you want to get to. And that's where it really becomes uh that's the that's what I found in my life is that there's you know, what started is that coping mechanism became a passion. And I've maintained that for the last 30 years. And it's been it's been great. And that's why when I see guys that just can't seem to, you know, get out of the blocks, um, I want to talk to them and I want to show them the way because again, conventional thinking is well, it's it's all about compliance and it's negative and it's down when it can be positive, it can be inspiring, it can be empowering. And we again we can control our own destiny. And with regard to longevity, okay, that's the real ultimate end game because we all want to live longer and the the the science tells us we are living longer, but the problem is we're not, you know, there's this difference between our lifespan and our health span. I'm sure you've talked about that, right? And in America, we have the biggest gap between lifespan and health span in the world, right? And so if you can't live in a healthy state where you can enjoy those extra years, the surveys in America show that, well, we don't want that. And that gets to be a very ugly sort of you know conversation. So we want to live longer, we have the opportunity to do so by controlling our own destiny. We just have to take advantage of it. And again, what my advocacy is all about giving you the reason why you should take advantage of that opportunity.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

That's I'm loving this. I'm loving this. Now, there's there's something I really want to pick your brains back because we've talked about communication and the importance of that. And obviously, you mentioned earlier, and I don't know the stats in the UK, but I can imagine regarding chaps going to see the GP, they probably are quite similar. But on a communication theme, for the women listening, and again, it could be husband, it could be boyfriend, brother, colleague. As a chap, how would you advise we start a conversation that may well be a conversation we've been putting off? It might be a conversation we've been dreading, it might be a conversation we've tried to have, and it's ended in an argument. If we see a chat we love, it doesn't matter who it is, the chat we care about, because we're gonna care about them to want to have the conversation. How do we sensitively broach the fact that they we're not gonna say should, but to make that appointment to not say, oh, it's nothing, if it's something that they've niggled enough to tell us about, or if we've noticed they've got they're limping, they're they're not comfortable, they're something's not right without saying go to see the blinking doctor and pointing our finger at them in a nagging. That isn't that's the worst thing we can probably do, isn't it? How can we sensitively broach the subject? Do we literally start by saying, Look, I bloody love you, I've noticed that you're not happy about this.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Yeah, I would frame yeah, I think I think you just hit her on the head there. Frame it in a positive way for starters. I mean, I I would not give up on the if if all else fails, pulling them by the collar, that's that's sort of the the default. Um, but don't lead with that, right? Because you're right, then we'll uh uh you know we become little boys very quickly, you know, in terms of our personality, our reaction. And so, but if you can lead with a with a positive framing of the issue, which is yes, I love you, I care about you, um, you know, and re and remind them of that, and then then you know make the pitch for um the visit. Um, you know, the other point to be made, and and maybe this is where the tough conversation comes in, is that this is not a question of your masculinity. No, right? But I think that might come into it. Yeah, I mean, that's the point here is that why why do why are we even having this conversation? It's because for centuries, from the beginning of time, men have this and and carry it to this day as though we were cave people. Um, you know, that somehow seeing a doctor is making us as a sign of weakness when in actuality it's a sign of strength and self-assurance that says, fine, let's go. Let's go, let's go see what's going on, because I don't want to miss one day of happiness with you, honey. You know, let's, you know, it's a again, it's reciprocal. It's it's you know, there has to be uh a sense from the from the man side of it that there's there's a in business, you know, we call it a value proposition, right? What's the value prop? If I see the doctor, number one, yes, he may tell me something I don't want to hear. That's another thing that that why men avoid these because believe it or not, we are such I hate to say cowards in the sense that you know we might hear something bad. Well, let's just ignore it and what's bad is going to be.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

Well, that is the thing, isn't it? Better to hear something bad sooner rather than later, then.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Yeah, but believe it or not, that's when you see all the polling data, it shows, well, I don't want to go because I might, you know, that little that little pain that could become it could mean something else. But it's in a loving, caring framework, I think that works best. Um and if all of us fails, grab him by the collar and pull them in because it's too serious, it's too important, it's you know, it's step one in leading a healthy lifestyle. You've got to have that benchmark and understand where you are with your with your body and and your um state of health.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

I love that. Uh, because I'm gonna I I also I will reiterate that I was delighted to hear with your book that there is an actual chapter that delves into menopause because thank thankfully, thankfully, it is getting more, I don't want to say headlines, but getting more coverage. People are starting to talk about it, to have the conversations. And that's what Midlife Unlimited is all about. And when we talk about health checks, I think it's becoming more and more talked about, obviously, women having you know, um checking their breasts, going for cervical scans, cervical smears. And a word that can crop up is embarrassing. These things aren't great. No one likes having their private areas prodded and poked. And again, there is more awareness, thank goodness, coming to light about prostate cancer and men, you know, checking their testicles. I've said the word for God's sake, you know, and men can get breast cancer as well. But it is a matter of how we groach these subjects without getting embarrassed. Because if we're talking to loved ones, you know, creeping around the subject, let's just say the words.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Let's just talk about it more. Exactly, exactly. I mean, and and the other dimension of this, Kate, is mental health.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

If it's hard enough to go get an exam to make sure you don't have prostate cancer, think about you know the stereotype of masculinity and and and acknowledging a mental health problem. That is even a higher bar to hurdle. Although we're now seeing that younger generations of men are more open to it. But I will give you, there's been some examples here in the US where our football players, as you know, in the American football, have acknowledged um depression and mental health issues and have been supported by their teammates. Uh, these are professionals. And, you know, so that's in a in a bastion of, you know, the ultimate masculine, you know, uh bastion of of male sentiment. Uh, you've got guys stepping forward. And to me, again, that's the message. It takes courage to do, whether it's mental health or your physical health. It's really a more you it's not being weak, it's being courageous to do that and say, yes, I'm a little concerned about what I might learn, but I'm gonna go because again, there are other people depending on me. It's not about me as much as it is about the others in my life. And so when you think of it in those terms, I think you've got a better chance of convincing a man to like, all right, if I'm gonna be that provider and protector that I purport to be, then how can I be the provider protector if I if I don't have the courage to go see my doctor?

SPEAKER_02 35:04

No.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Trust me. He or she's not gonna, they're not gonna yell at you, they're gonna be supportive and thank you for coming in.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

No. And I I like that word courage rather than brave, because I the word brave is just misused so many times, I feel. Um, but courage, yeah, you're gonna need to be a bit courageous, perhaps, if you are fearful that there might be some bad news involved in that visit to the specialist or the health practitioner or whatever. But as we said earlier, and I it sounds, it might sound really like, but to find out sooner rather than later at least opens up choices, hopefully, doesn't it? And I think really by by putting off conversations, by putting off taking action, whatever small action that might be, we start to deny ourselves choices, don't we? And if we're looking to have a long, it's not gonna be all happy, it's gonna be ups and downs, but if we're gonna make the most of this precious life we've got, giving ourselves as many choices as possible is what's gonna empower us, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Absolutely. Any of the specialists, whether it's in oncology or other specialties, will tell you that the sooner you identify and diagnose a problem, the better your chances are to um to address the problem and and get through it. So it's again, it's a matter of courage, it's a matter of frankly, just you know, the intellectual processing that this is this is a good thing to do. And it's not again, it's not like can't say it enough. It's not only good for yourself, but good for others. And I think again, if you look at it from that perspective, um you you conjure up the inspiration, if you will, to have a purpose that you talk about.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

I love this. I love this. I I'm so excited, my first male guest. Oh, listeners, I'm enjoying this so much. And we will be sharing your contact details later on. Obviously, you've got your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast, um, with all your contact details and in the show notes as well. Um, and we'll put the Lil I'll put my teeth in, links to your books, etc. But before we go into your three questions, and you're not going to be able to escape answering those. I've warn I warn you now.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

I'm ready. I'm ready for you.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

What would what would be just looping back then to the title of our episode? What advice would you give to me how to save the men in my life over 50 from themselves? What steps can I take today to have those conversations to just let them let them know I'm here for them?

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Well, the best thing you could do would be to adopt a healthy lifestyle yourself and say, partner, I'm in this with you. You know, that that doesn't mean we have to go to the gym or the fitness center together. That doesn't mean you know, every we do everything in lops lockstep, but we work together in one way, shape, or form. And maybe it's you finding a gym buddy for you know your man, or maybe it's uh, you know, it's it's uh taking the lead on um uh the diet portion of the healthy lifestyle. Whatever it is, it's about working out that partnership that can really be um be a big factor in ongoing success. Uh number two is is communication. It's right, it works both ways. It encourages you know, sometimes men need a little encouragement to open up. And you know, sometimes it would be helpful if if the the um the women in their lives, you know, prompted that conversation again, did it in an empowering, in an inspiring way, not in a compliance, you know, just they don't want to think they're talking to their mother again, you know.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Or eye roll eye rolling, huffing really again. Why don't you just get off your fat bum and go and blah blah blah blah?

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Right. That's not helpful, is it? Again, we're we're we're little boys at heart and we're gonna think oh, there I'm my mother is scolding me, and you know, we're gonna cross up the arms and be defiant. No, let's let's talk about the partnership and the relationship and how we can grow it. And again, talk about the end game. You know, give them some sense of like, well, would you like to try this or would you like to try that? Like, let's let's make it a conversation about what we can do with our healthy state. What can we do with the energy that we will get through this thing? And that's really the again, the end game is so, I think is so attractive and so powerful. It's what the psychologists call, you know, intrinsic motivation, right? It comes from inside and and the opportunity to share an emotional uh connection uh really can make a big difference. So I think, you know, again, do it, you know, partner yourself, maybe pick some of the um items within the the portfolio of healthy practices and then and be there um with that communication. Love it.

SPEAKER_02 39:58

Absolutely love it. Right. Well, I say we're gonna be sharing your details later on how listeners can get in contact with you. But first, I'm intrigued now. I'm intrigued. We're gonna move into your three questions. If you're sitting comfortably, if you're ready, I will start by asking you what is your midlife anthem, the song or piece of music that lights you up.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Well, I there's a song by uh a guy who's not with us anymore, Tom Petty, that really says it all. It's the title is called I Won't Back Down. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's it's an anthem.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Yeah, I won't sing it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

No, it really it it's um it's played in a lot of uh I've I've I've heard it played at uh again in the NFM National Football League, American football stadiums and stuff, because it really um uh you know can be an inspirational piece. And I think it it the the title says it all, right? When when life throws the curveballs at you, when it's you know when the the couch is more feeling more comfortable than putting on your shoes and getting outside, right? But then if you look in the eyes of your granddaughter, boom. Wow, won't back down. I'm not gonna back down from that.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Don't I'm getting goosebumps. Oh, well, this is uh segueing beautifully into question two, then I wondered if you've just mentioned it. What is your midlife mantra, the phrase that inspires you and empowers you?

SPEAKER_00 41:32

For me, Kate, it's it's never too late. As I pour over, I'm constantly pouring over scientific studies and such. And I just read one the other day that showed that um it was talking about you know weightlifting and resistance training and how men can continue to build muscle and strength into their 70s and 80s.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 41:55

To me, that was such a powerful uh, you know, piece of data, a piece of science that again tells us it's never too late. So if you haven't led a healthy lifestyle since you were 22 and you're now 52 or 62 or even 72, it's never too late to start. Because that again, that's what gives you the energy to do all that, all those, uh to you know, meet your social agenda.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Love it, love it. Well, there's a conversation starter, isn't there? Just just there. We'll take your mantra and we'll work with it. But before we go any further and we go to your contact details, there is one final question. Obviously, all your books that you have written already, we're going to be sharing the links to. But what is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_00 42:44

I gave that a lot of thought, Kate, and I came up with a, you know, those of you who have, you know, uh taken a shot at writing a book, you know, that the title, you know, you want to keep it short and sweet. Um, my title would be Mr. Resilience.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

Oh, yeah. Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

Resilience is is what life is all about because you know, it's never easy. Uh those of us who think that's for some reason, and I talk to my professional colleagues about this a lot, like as you're getting toward the end of your career, you think, well, maybe it slows down or it gets no, no, no, no, no. No, it does not, it does not slow down, does not get easier. So resilience, that internal fortitude is uh is a quality that uh can really help you. Grit. I well, we have a a book here in the US called Grit by uh a psychologist close to me here in Philadelphia, and uh really says it all. But that's uh Mr. Resilience would be my title.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

I love that, and I look forward to reading that. I look forward to reading that. But in the meantime, how can listeners get hold of your current books and how can they get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Well, the book my book, uh my current book and the prior book, you know, you can always go to Amazon.com and and pick it off from from there. Um To find out what's going on in my world of healthy lifestyle, go to lewisbesch.com. That's l-o-i-s-b-e-z-i-c-h dot com. And you'll see what's going on in my world. You can also get me on social media at Lewis Bezich.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

That's brilliant. And listeners, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. What was it like to hear a male voice on the earth? I've loved it. I've loved it. I think it's absolutely brilliant. So, yeah, leave a review or you can email or text me via the link in the show notes. Um, and you can come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group too. And the link to the website is in the show notes too, where you can find out more details of more my award-winning all-in-one coaching program. So thank you so much for joining me, Lewis. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you for listening. I look forward to you tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living Midlife Unlimited. Thanks ever so much. Take care. Bye.